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Subject: Celestial Reviews 195 - July 2
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Celestial Reviews 195 - July 2, 1997
Note: I was the recipient of an application of the Blowjob Principle this
week. One of my main goals is to make the Blowjob Principle as popular as,
say, Murphy's Law. That is, someday I hope that someone will go into the
office of the CEO of a major company or nation and say, "You goddam idiot!
Don't you even understand that the Blowjob Principle applies here? If a
person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should make the giver
glad to have performed the first." And the CEO will say, "You're right. You
did a good job on that project, and I neglected to show my appreciation."
Then he'll give the other person a blowjob; but since the Blowjob Principle
is actually a metaphor, the CEO will simply give the other person a raise or
public praise or something like that.
Anyway, this week I received a note from an astute reader, who said, " I just
wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed 'Virtuous Realty.' Not only was it
funny, it got very sexy as it went on."
This suggests a revision of - actually, a corollary to - the Blowjob
Principle. Applied to short stories, this means that you should get the
title right! My story was a pun on "Virtual Reality", not "Realty." The
story to which this reader referred might be about a real estate agent who
refuses to exploit the elderly or who sells houses only to nuns.
I don't mean to appear ungrateful. I'm trying to be funny. Really. I
actually did receive a message with this error, but I wasn't offended. I
laughed my ass off for a few seconds, and then I started developing a plot
for a story about a real estate agent who has a very chaste relationship with
a woman with huge tits and a tight ass to whom he is showing the house while
he has a raging hard-on. Or maybe I'll make the title ironic and have a
dungeon in the basement.... Maybe it could be about a Jehovah's Witness who
tries to sell a house to a group of nuns and falls in love with them and
gangbangs them during a religious discussion. Maybe my next Celestial
Contest should require authors to write a story called "Virtuous Realty."
Nah, I guess not. But I don't have time to write the story. If any of you
want {Yep, "want" is correct, suggesting that two or more may accept the
invitation - See Grammar Tip in last issue.} the plot, you can have it.
Second Note: In another application of the Blowjob Principle, a reader wrote:
"If I had had you (note double entendre) as an English teacher when I was a
horny adolescent I would have a much better grasp of grammar and writing now.
Even now as a dirty old man you have assisted me in making sense of grammar
rules that I never really understood." How can I get this across? I guess
I'll have to grab him by the balls and threaten to squeeze if he doesn't stop
dangling his participle. Unless he seriously means to say that I am a dirty
old man, my amorous correspondent has to rearrange the sentence: "Even now
you have assisted me as a dirty old man in making sense...."
Third Note: Short, short story: Little Audrey was the only passenger on a
plane that was about to crash. The pilot said to the co-pilot, "There are
only two parachutes. Grab the other one and let's get out of here."
"What about little Audrey?" asked the co-pilot.
"Fuck little Audrey!" said the pilot; and little Audrey laughed and laughed,
because she knew they didn't have time.
Final note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Sally Learns a Lesson" by Kathy (sitcom parody) 6, 6, 6
"Waterfall" by dreamp0et (incoherent fantasy) 3, 3, 3
"$$$CREWED" by J. Uris Prudence (lawyer screws client)
9, 8, 7
"How to Kiss Like a Cuban" by Dominick A. Miserandino
(humorous love advice) 9, 8, 8
"The Unabridged Catalogue Of Kisses" by Renae Nicks (sexy
kissing advice) 10, 10, 10
"The High Dive" by Jordan Shelbourne (mild bondage)
10, 9, 9.5
"Special Delivery" by Ann Douglas (fantasy evening)
10, 10, 10
"When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (nostalgic sex)
10, 10, 10
"Persuasion" by William Drummond (mythology) 9, 7, 7
Guest Reviews:
"Forever November" by Stephanie Kay Buffman
(mood story)
"X-Men: Something Sinister This Way Comes" by Dimitri
(sci fi adventure) 5, 8, 6
"Honey Haven" by Andrew Roller (teenager turns tramp)
Reposted Reviews (because the stories have recently been reposted):
* "La Salope" by Joe Parsons (prostitution and mile-high
sex) 10, 9.5, 10
* "When Morning Comes" by Joe Parsons (dream lover)
10, 9.5, 9.5
* "Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil (ff romance)
10, 10, 10
* "Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (sex
on the beach) 10, 10, 10
"Sally Learns a Lesson" by Kathy (Repost from Kristen's Collection). The
only thing this story has going for it is that it is a parody of the weekly
sitcom "Third Rock from the Sun." If I couldn't imagine Dr. Solomon and
Sally engaging in these activities, I would have thought this was a really
inane story that the author had not even proofread. If you like the TV show,
you'll possibly enjoy this story, in spite of its obvious defects.
Ratings for "Sally Learns a Lesson"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 6
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 6
"Waterfall" by dreamp0et (dreamp0et@aol.com). This mishmash of run-on
sentences is apparently a romantic fantasy that might mean something
beautiful to the person who wrote it, but I wonder if he/she seriously
believes that a person who is not already in on that fantasy can figure it
out from this quasi-literate presentation. If this author seriously intends
to keep on writing, he/she should take the task a little more seriously.
Ratings for "Waterfall"
Athena (technical quality): 3
Venus (plot & character): 3
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 3
"$$$CREWED" by J. Uris Prudence (Repost from Karen's Collection). The lawyer
is helping a slutty woman collect her non-support payments from her ex. She
can't pay, and so he collects "in kind." Since the woman is also stupid, he
uses creative financing to really stick it to her. Lawyers have been accused
of worse things.
Ratings for "$$$CREWED"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 7
"How to Kiss Like a Cuban" by Dominick A. Miserandino (cafe@abest.com). Like
this author's previous "Sometimes a Carnation is just a Carnation" (CR 193),
this story has a distinctly non-pornographic flavor. This is an essay on how
a guy can get a girl to give him a good night kiss. While they haven't
addressed this question quite so directly, other stories on this newsgroup
have offered what could be considered answers to this question: use mind
control; or fuck her up the ass first, and then give her a kiss during the
afterglow. This author recommends the more esoteric strategy of talking like
a Cuban - you know, Ricky Ricardo with a really bad accent.
To be perfectly honest, I have actually had more people worry about getting a
first kiss from me than worry about how they'd con me into anal sex - at
least more people that I KNOW about. Nevertheless, we tend to expect
slightly hotter action in stories on this newsgroup. This author has several
other romantic gems, including his Valentine's Day special " Miss Love, Do I
Miss Love?" None of them will register high on the Peter Meter, but they are
often genuine fun. If you wish, Dominick will even add you to the mailing
list for his essays if you write to him at cafe@abest.com.
Ratings for "How to Kiss Like a Cuban"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 8
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 7
"The Unabridged Catalogue Of Kisses" by Renae Nicks (A+ Non-Story). This was
posted quite a while ago; and so you may have to go to DejaNews for this one,
unless someone reposts it.
Some people cannot even remember all the people they have had sex with; Renae
Nicks can actually remember everyone she has ever KISSED. Of course, she
means KISS in the sense of a romantic encounter, not the type of peck one
routinely administers to children or to people in a reception line. It seems
she actually kept notes during her teenage years; and in this essay she
brings us up to date on the style, technique, and effects of the osculators
whom she has encountered.
Although this is not really a story, it IS a very sexy essay. It's the kind
of thing Dominick (see previous review) should write if he wants to appeal to
this group instead of the Nickelodeon crowd.
Ratings for "Unabridged Catalogue Of Kisses"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The High Dive" by Jordan Shelbourne (jordan@u36.com). The woman is
participating in her first bondage experience with a person she loves and
trusts, and so she compares her feelings to the first time she took a dive
from the high board at the swimming pool. She knew that everything would be
all right; she just had to let herself go, and....
This "story" is extremely well written - as far as it goes. The author seems
to think he has a whole story in fewer than 300 words. I guess maybe he
does, but I was left waiting for more.
Ratings for "The High Dive"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
"Special Delivery" by Ann Douglas (annd@pop.tiac.net). Practical problems
arise as society becomes more egalitarian. As the American armed forces have
become sexually more integrated, the logistics people have to worry about
where the women will take showers on aircraft carriers. Likewise, baseball
players have to shower differently when female reporters swarm into their
locker rooms. This story presents Amy Choi, a 36-year-old Korean-American
businesswoman who has won a raffle at an "old boys" gathering of businessmen.
The surprise is a gift certificate from the Special Delivery Escort Service.
And so Amy is stuck with the prospect of sharing a fantasy evening with a man
she has never met - a man who wants nothing more than to bring her pleasure.
Bummer! The fantasy casts her into the role of the seducer of Tyree, the
young, black "delivery boy" who brings Amy her special delivery package. The
sex is realistic, friendly, and hot. I'm so jaded or sophisticated or
something that I guessed the surprise ending halfway through the story; but I
still enjoyed watching it unfold. If you're a little more naive, you may be
surprised and enjoy this story even more than I did.
Ratings for "Special Delivery"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 10
"When the Angel Smiles" by Hawk Richards (heminway@epix.net). When this
author originally posted this story, I gave it ratings of 7-6-8 and said that
it contained numerous distracting errors that could easily be eliminated.
The author has done a masterful job of revising this story. Not only are
the errors gone, but the plot has been substantially revised to clean up the
logic and emotions.
Charlie is a decrepit old man who seems to be on his way home to die. He
meets a young woman who gives him a hand-job on the plane, and then she stays
overnight at his hotel and makes tender love to him. The second half of the
story consists mostly of flashbacks to Charlie's earlier love life as he
prepares to meet his maker.
The angel in the title refers to young girls who have appeared to be angelic
at various times like these in Charlie's life.
This is a difficult story to rate - but only because I can't give anything
higher than straight 10's. It deserves very high ratings, because it is
among the best stories I have read recently. On the other hand, there is
still slight room for improvement. The remaining problem is that too much is
left to the reader's imagination at the end of the story. I don't think the
author wants to write a morality tale, and so he wants the ending to be
deliberately vague. I respect a certain level of ambiguity; but on the other
hand, as I read the last lines, I found myself saying, "What the hell
happened here?" When I looked back, I still wasn't sure. Maybe I'm wrong.
I've been known to say the same things about James Joyce. If you read the
story (and I think you'll enjoy doing so), maybe you should drop the author a
line and tell him what YOU think.
Ratings for "When the Angel Smiles"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Persuasion" by William Drummond (ronan@digitalexp.com). This amplification
of the myth of Thesseus describes the activities of the hero with the
princess Ariadne on the night before he would have to challenge the minotaur.
Thesseus uses his sexual charm to persuade the princess to help him the next
day. The major problem is that the story tells us nothing about the actual
events of the fight with the minotaur or how Ariadne eventually helped. This
is a serious flaw. Tacking the fight with the minotaur on at the end would
be a bad idea - most readers of this group want sex at the climax of the
story; and so it would be necessary to tell the story in an unusual order.
This would be a difficult but a rewarding task. The author should take a
shot at it.
Ratings for "Persuasion"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 7
Smith (appeal to reviewer): 7
The following review was written by Mat Twassel, who frequently posts stories
with this newsgroup.
"Forever November" by Stephanie Kay Buffman. (THC repost). One evening the
narrator of "Forever November" is walking home from the Vicar's through
November fields when she spies a shadowy man in the surrounding grove. No
sooner has the woman tightened her cloak than the ghostly but fiftyish fellow
appears directly in her path. Voices of angels or conscience warn the woman
against looking into the man's eyes, but she pays no heed, and soon she is
waltzing with this character, spinning to her heart's sweet fragile tune; and
then the dance gives way to nuzzling, a breathtaking kiss, a prick of pain,
and then some sleep and stickiness. When the woman wakes, the man is gone,
wouldn't you know it, and the woman begins her endless journey.
Stephanie Kay Buffman's small mood piece has traces of charm, but it's short
on flesh and fullness and characters we can sink our teeth into. There are a
few passages of description which aren't bad. One is quite fine:
I entered the scruff of foliage at the edge
of the fields and passed quickly through it to
the next stretch of pasture. As I entered the
circle of grass, I stopped to pull my cloak
tighter around my shoulders. The November wind
was a bitter one. I bowed my head for a moment
as I adjusted my clothing, and when I looked
back up, there he was. In front of me, not
more than ten feet away, the shadow man.
Overall, the writing is amateurish but not awful. Definitely the open
paragraph is superfluous--needless warm-up. And the ending, vaguely
enigmatic and probably banal, is so brief that it makes the early evening
fling in the meadow seem endless.
Craft: medium with flashes of promise
Sexiness: mild, some tension
Heat: modest at most
In sum: I suspect Stephanie could write a really good sex story, but this
isn't it.
The following review was written by Tooshoes, who frequently posts stories
with this newsgroup.
"X-Men: Something Sinister This Way Comes" by Dimitri (dimitri@ihug.co.nz).
I'm sure this has happened to everyone. Think of a time when you walked into
a room where someone was watching a TV show that you'd never seen before, and
you stopped to watch it for a while. The TV show should be some kind of
drama. Science fiction or soap operas are the ideal choices for this example.
As you watch, you realize you have no clue what is going on. You ask someone
who watches the show regularly a question like:
"Why is that guy angry at her?"
"Oh, he's her father -- at least he thinks he is -- but they were once
lovers, long before the first war, when he came back in time, or went forward
in time, depending on how you look at it, and she had an affair with his son,
who she thinks is . . . oh, I'm sorry, what was your question?"
At which point you say "Never mind." Apparently the story makes perfect
sense to the long time watcher, but it sounds silly and intimidating to
anyone else.
That's pretty much how I felt while reading the X-Men story. I was
expecting that eventually I'd be drawn into this extremely complicated
universe, know it's many characters, and understand their many different
powers, but it was just too much. So many histories, so many mutants, so many
different kinds of powers! This was not a good story for a first time X-Men
reader, although X-Men fans may enjoy it.
Extreme Plot Summary: Some time ago, the X-Men had defeated two
arch-villains: Sinister and Apocalypse (everyone in the X-Men universe has
similar dramatic names). Now, the two bad guys are back, more powerful than
ever, and they catch the X-Men completely by surprise. The only problem is
that Sinister and Apocalypse hate each other as much as they hate the X-Men.
The characters in the story are consistent with those in the comic book,
as far as I can tell, and what I can understand of the plot is reasonably
entertaining, with my only complaint being that events happen too fast. In
that sense, it reads much like a comic book, but without the pictures to fill
in the details or to add a dramatic flair.
Oh, yeah, there is a lot of sex in this story, but most of it lacks
originality and passion and is irrelevant to the story. However, I did enjoy
one sexual sub-plot involving Jubilee, who is a young, mischievous mutant,
whose hormones are just kicking in.
The writing quality itself is inconsistent. At times it seems rushed,
other times well thought out. Numerous grammatical errors throughout make it
stop & go reading. Sentences often seem to run on forever.
I'd give it a Celestial-type rating of 5:8:6
Or a mild thumbs up to X-Men fans who just can't get enough of X-Men fan
fiction.
The following guest review was written by Mat Twassel, who frequently
contributes stories to this newsgroup:
"Honey Haven" by Andrew Roller (roller39@mail.idt.net). A physically
precocious (but sexually inexperienced) 14 year old girl from Iowa takes her
favorite teddy bear on a modeling expedition to the Mediterranean.
I looked around. I nearly lost my ability to
breathe when I saw the men. At the beach, their
cocks had been encased in swimsuits. I could only
see an outline of them. Now, however, in the
bedroom, the men stood naked and free of their
clothes. From each of their loins a long,
banana-like cock stood erect, arching expectantly
up in the air. Underneath a full sack of sperm
hung. I shivered.
This is silly, superficial stuff. Andrew Roller's heroine describes the
beginnings of her journey in appropriate voice: mostly simple sentences,
tiresome detail. But we don't really get inside her in any special way; we
don't even learn the name of that bear.
By the second day of Mediterranean modeling, our Iowa girl finds herself
handcuffed, her diction and syntax smoothed and expanded, and her still more
or less virginal body under the dubious direction of Svetlana, the mistress
of erotic photography:
I felt the steel of the handcuffs press against
my wrists. They snapped shut. First one, then
the other. Angela breathed on my neck. She bent,
licked my ear, as if to reinforce my new subservience
to her. I could do nothing but flinch. I felt my
teats quivering before me, all stiff and hard, heavy
for my age. "Stand with your legs open," Angela
told me. "You have only a small slit. Do not hide
it from the men's view by pressing your thighs
closed. Let them see it at least, though they
cannot touch you."
It turns out there is some touching:
We reached for his cock. He did not mind us
handling it. Our fingers were small upon his
big member. I could feel it throbbing in my
grasp. Would he spend? I didn't know. He kept
up the fingering of our nests. I let my head
fling back. I breathed a fevered sigh. Beside
me, Katrina did the same. More flashes, more
camera clicks.
I don't remember anymore whether the girls handled the cock while handcuffed.
For these cocks, there are also whips and catheters. If such "implements of
pleasure" appeal to you, Honey Haven might be a lovely feast.
How embarrassed I felt! I was made up like a
doll, yet I was totally naked and, worse,
handcuffed. It didn't take a mature eye like
the maid's to see I had a wet dell and wanted a
cock up me. I shivered under her gaze. It was
imperious now, not modest at all, as if she were
secretly laughing at me. I was young and beautiful,
but I looked utterly silly now, and she knew, I
imagine, that I had a long night ahead of me. With
Svetlana, it did not promise to be a honeymoon.
Rather, I feared, it would be more like a visit
to the Marquis de Sade!
I felt a bit embarrassed, too. Personally, I'd rather read realer stuff about
14 year old Iowa school girls; I'd rather learn about their fears and hopes
and fantasies and ordinary life and even what it's like for them to have
their hymen torn on a horseback ride.
Craft: mostly well-written
Sexiness: a matter of taste
Heat: medium for hard-core
* "La Salope" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). {When I first reviewed
this story back in CR 82, I gave the title as "La Scalope." This error
occurred because I am familiar with neither whores in France nor potatoes in
French restaurants.}
A pilot who is also a writer flies into Santa Cruz. After he checks into
his hotel, there is a knock at his door. It's a case of mistaken identity:
the visitor is a hooker (une Salope) looking for someone else. No problem,
says the pilot, I'll purchase your services. After he happily takes ole
one-eye to the optometrist a couple of times, she tells him that she's not
really a whore; she came to his door on a bet. {This is actually a matter of
semantics.} No problem, he says; but you'll have to be punished. And so he
spanks her and then they fuck every which way they haven't yet - including in
his plane as it speeds along to Santa Barbara, where they will fuck some
more.
Some things in this story are a bit unrealistic. Like why would a pilot
flying into Santa Cruz have two neckties in the first place? Or why would a
woman enjoy being bound by those two cravats and other restraints while a
sexy stranger teased her with his joystick and seemed determined to drive her
out of her mind before finally plunging his tool into her? And what's the
big deal about fucking in an airplane anyway? And can a guy really come five
times in less than 24 hours and still be looking for more? And aren't
"scallop" and "salope" close enough in pronunciation to cause serious
embarrassment to Frenchmen who like mollusks?
Which reminds me.... A man goes into a restaurant and looks over the menu.
After a few minutes, the waitress comes to the table and asks him what he'd
like. He says, "I'd like a quickie". The waitress turns red and says,
"That's not funny, sir. Now, what would you like to order?" The man replies,
"I'd really like a quickie, if you don't mind." The waitress slaps him and
storms off angrily. Another customer, overhearing the conversation, leans
over and says to the man, "Um, I think that it's pronounced 'quiche.'"
This is an interesting fantasy!
Ratings for "La Scalope"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "When Morning Comes" by Joe Parsons (jmp@cyber-mall.com). Ellen has a kind
and gentle lover who does everything he can to meet her needs; but she longs
for someone who will dominate her. She wakens from a dream and finds a
stranger in her bedroom, who does to her all that she had dreamed of and
more. Was it a dream or reality? You read it and decide for yourself.
Ratings for "When Morning Comes"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9.5
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9.5
* "Elizabeth & Anastasia" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). This author
combines timing and tension to create a very good story. At the very start
we know simply that Betty (Elizabeth) is upset because her father has thrown
Stacy (Anastasia) out of the house and has threatened to kill her if he ever
sees her around his daughter again. Then we flash back to a scene in a
vice-principal's office, where Betty is describing her problems with a
teacher who seems to be making passes at her. There must be some relation,
the reader thinks, between what's happening in this flashback and the
relationship between Betty and Stacy; but what is it? Is the vice-principal
actually Stacy? The vice-principal has recommended a tutor; will that be
Stacy? And then there is a sinister note; the vice-principal is apparently
interested in exploiting a sexual opening with the teacher who had been
harassing Betty. What are the implications of that tidbit for Betty? I
can't help it; I root for characters when I read some of these stories. I
already sympathize with Betty; and as a hard-working teacher myself, I
wouldn't mind seeing the VP stick it to the teacher/pervert, but I hope that
Betty and Stacy are people with a wholesome relationship rather than
participants in some sort of demeaning ring of sex-slavery.
As I finish writing the preceding paragraph, I am only about 2000 words into
a 47,000-word story. I mention this because I think it is a sign of a good
story to arouse the reader's interest as strongly as this story grabbed my
attention.
I'm reluctant to tell you too much of the story. I enjoyed finding out what
would happen next, and I think you will too. The author uses an interesting
strategy of alternating between the past and the present; that is, there is
one continuous story starting in the present; and another continuous story -
that gives meaning to the current-time story - starts in the past. In
general, this is an ingenious and enthralling approach; but at times it
becomes confusing. For example, when the girls are arguing in the past and
making up in the present, the two plots may become entwined in the reader's
mind. It must have been difficult for the author to coordinate these two
plots; but he carries it off effectively - with the exception of one point in
Chapter 4 where he seems to use in the past storyline information about Joyce
that could be known only from the present plot.
This is not a wham-bang sex story; it's a romantic story about a relationship
that happens to involve intimate sex between two females. The early part of
the story (probably the first two thirds - and that's a lot in a story of
this size) does not contain any specific sexual activity at all; but sex is
implied, and sexual tension pervades even this part. That makes it sexy to
me. When explicit sex does occur, it is very hot.
To be honest, I have to admit that this story brought tears to my eyes more
often than it brought moisture to my lower regions; but they were often tears
of joy that I associate with really happy times in the sack. I suppose that
makes this pretty much a "chick story," but you studs out there oughta read
it too. Maybe it'll put some hair on your chest.
This story has some flaws; but it's still excellent. Look at it this way: on
several occasions the author actually spelled "english" (as in English
Teacher!) with a lower-case "e"; but I still gave the story straight 10's.
I can't offer a much stronger recommendation than that!
Ratings for "Elizabeth & Anastasia"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net). Uther
Pendragon has revised this story slightly. Since it's under 500 words, you
can easily re-read it and see how it compares to the original. I am simply
reposting my original review, which is still accurate.
A creative feature of this story is that it is written by a fictional
character. As I proofread the preceding sentence, I realized how badly it
missed the point. Actually, in a legitimate sense ALL the stories in this
contest are probably written by fictional characters. That is, almost
everyone uses a pseudonym when posting on a.s.s. What I meant to say was
that in this case Uther Pendragon has written a pair of stories and has given
credit for them to Jeanette and Bob Brennan, two fictional characters in his
long-running "For... " series. So if this feature really works, the present
story should not only be a good story; it should also appear to be the work
of Jeanette as opposed to Bob or someone else.
In this story Marlene's mother tells her to be home right after the movie to
which the girl is going with her boyfriend. Since they are on a tight
deadline, they leave the movie early and go down to the beach to make out.
But while they're making out in an area where they cannot be observed, they
hear someone else nearby doing a bit more than just making out. If Uther
Pendragon has done his work well and if you are familiar with his other work,
you should now have a pretty good idea how this story will end - or at least
it will seem like an ending that Jeanette would have written for her entry in
this contest. It worked for me!
Ratings for "Dune what Comes Naturally"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
Grammar Tip of the Week: FREQUENTLY CONFUSED WORDS.
DESERT/DESSERT. The DESERT is the dry place where men get so lonely that
they fuck their camels and have mirages of lovely women. A DESSERT is what
you might lick out of your lover's navel. The verb DESERT (pronounced the
same as the noun DESSERT) refers to the activity of leaving something or
someone behind, as a wife might DESERT her husband to become a sex slave of
his friend with the much larger cock. The easiest way to remember this is
that you always want TWO helpings of DESSERT {hence the double s}, and the
others just have one s.
ANXIOUS/EAGER. ANXIOUS means "nervous or worried." When it's followed by a
preposition, it's usually "about" plus a gerund (-ing word). EAGER means
"looking forward". When it's followed by a preposition, it's usually "to"
plus an infinitive (regular form of the verb). The following are examples of
correct usage.
I am ANXIOUS about having anal sex with you. (low odds
of scoring)
I am EAGER to have anal sex with you. (high odds of
scoring)
It's wise to use these words correctly, but you should be aware that about
90% of the people you will ever meet will use ANXIOUS plus "to" as a synonym
for EAGER. So if someone says, "I am ANXIOUS to have anal sex with you," you
might as well fuck him/her in the ass before you recommend therapy to
alleviate the anxiety. The "to" would probably stand up as a legitimate
defense in court in a sexual harassment trial.
You also have to be careful with these words when they modify nouns directly.
The phrase "ANXIOUS lover" should be reserved for guys in danger of
premature ejaculation or suffering from some other form of anxiety. People
who simply want to get on with it are EAGER lovers.
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