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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 191 - Contest Results
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 191 - June 18, 1997
Results of the Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest
I think it would be interesting to begin this Contest Edition with a Quote
from a Prude. I found this recently on a.s.s.:
"Why must all of you losers insist on using pornography?
If you had a real life you wouldn't need to deal with this stuff, you sick
bastards! If only you realized how stupid you are being!!"
- Social Critic who will remain unnamed here.
{Those bastards can be viscous - er, I mean vicious, I think.}
I'll counter that bit of inspiration with the final list of stories that were
eligible for the contest. I might add that this list is not quite complete.
Vickie Tern inspired this whole contest with her "Teasers" and "Teasers 2."
I didn't have time to write reviews for all of her stories, and so I have
reviewed only a few of the best. Likewise, Seurat entered 20 stories in
"Twist," but I have reviewed only two. Reviewing all the potentially
eligible stories of these two authors would have more than doubled the number
of reviews I would have had to write without affecting the outcome of the
contest.
For my First Annual Celestial Story Contest I received just three entries.
For this Second Third Annual Celestial Story Contest I received 43 entries.
There are some really excellent stories on this list:
"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (really restful sex)
10, 10, 10
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded (necrophilia) 8, 7, 7
"Bees" by Mat Twassel (a day in the life) 10, 10, 10
"Best Friends" by Vickie Tern (bestiality) 10, 10, 9
"Buddies" by Vickie Tern (infidelity) 10, 10, 10
"Cain and Abel" by Taria (sexual conspiracy) 10, 10, 10
"Captivated" by Vickie Tern (femdom) 10, 8, 8
"Civility" by Mark Aster (mild bondage) 10, 10, 10
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon 747 (masturbation with a twist)
10, 10, 10
"Cream" by Seurat (femdom) 10, 10, 10
"Daisy" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 9
"Decisions, Decisions" by Vickie Tern (homework helper)
10, 10, 10
"Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil (complex infidelity)
10, 10, 10
"Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (sex
on the beach) 10, 10, 10
"Foodie" by Plainman (quickie with food) 10, 10, 10
"The Game" by Michael Ellis (bondage) 10, 10, 10
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan (whaler sex) 10, 10, 10
"A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil (takes two
to tango) 10, 10, 9
"The Houseguest" by DG (animal magnitude) 10, 10, 10
" If..." by Mary's Brother (wife watching) 9, 10, 10
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder (anal sex movie)
10, 10, 10
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks (voyeurism)
10, 10, 10
"A Little Encouragement" by Stephanie (the fast cure)
10, 10, 10
"Memo" by Mike Hunt (office memo) 10, 10, 10
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM (paradoxical non-infidelity)
10, 10, 10
"The Orgy" by kollontai (recovering sex addict) 10, 10, 10
"Poe" by Seurat (femdom) 9.5, 10, 10
"Party" by Vickie Tern (orgy & revenge) 10, 9, 9
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious (phone sex) 10, 10, 10
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM (gambling for sex) 10, 10, 10
"Rant" by Mike Hunt (hallucinatory sex) 10, 10, 10
"Quiz" by Mike Hunt (humorous word association) 10, 10, 10
"Recipe" by Vickie Tern (sex & food) 10, 9, 9
"Sharing" by Vickie Tern (TG femdom) 10, 9, 9
"Ships That Parse in the Night" by John Thomas (fun with
language) 10, 10, 10
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas (sci fi humor) 10, 10, 10
"Taken" by kollontai (D&s & angst) 10, 10, 10
"An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil (unintentional
voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"A Victorian Tale" by Hoosier Red (sex on a dark & stormy night)
10, 9, 9
"Watching" by Tom Bombadil (voyeurism) 10, 10, 10
"What Choice?" by Art (demanding wife) 8, 9, 7
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan (work break) 10, 10, 10
"Yardstick" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 8
Reading the stories was just plain fun; writing so many reviews was hard but
enjoyable work; selecting the winner was a difficult task. When I wrote the
reviews, I decided to give ratings that made it possible to compare the
stories to OTHER stories that I have reviewed. Since the stories were so
good, there's not a lot of variation in the ratings; and so it's impossible
to look at my list and determine, say, the top ten stories in rank order.
That's OK with me. I would prefer that you read the stories and make up
your minds for yourselves.
<Drum Roll...> Here's my winner. <More Drum Roll...>
"Bees" by Mat Twassel.
<Prolonged Applause> I loved the combination of chaos and logic, of innocence
and ribald innuendo, that I found in this exceptionally creative story. For
more details, see the review in the alphabetical listing. As one
correspondent said, "This story is entertaining for what's NOT said, like
whispy clothes instead of total nudity." Congratulations, Mat!
I encourage all the authors to repost their stories, so that people who read
these reviews can find and enjoy the stories. Almost all of them are already
accessible through DejaNews as well as in alt.sex.stories.moderated. If you
repost a story, it would be nice if you would use the {<500 words}
designation to help readers find it.
In posting the reviews, I have sometimes omitted the address of an author.
Sometimes this omission occurred because the author did not give me an
address. A common mistake is that an author sends me an e-mail message with
an attached file without putting that author's name anywhere in that file.
When I download the file, it becomes separated from the message, which I
usually throw away. Unless the author repeats his/her name and address in
the story file, I am likely to experience difficulty finding and sharing this
information. If you send me a story in this way, be sure to put your name
and address in the file as well as in the cover letter. In a few other
cases, it seemed to me that the author did not want his/her address to be
made known to the general public, and so I simply withheld that information.
If you use proper ingenuity, you can find the address of almost any author
by looking closely at the story when you read it.
Please also remember that the Blow Job Principle applies to these stories.
Simply stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient
should make the giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these
stories, if you like a story, take the trouble to tell the author about your
feelings.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve.
If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good
writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so,
because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story
that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some
feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write
stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they
may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless
somebody tells them so.
Finally, I seriously mean it when I say it's OK with me if someone else wants
to declare another winner from the same pool of stories.
Here are the reviews of the stories in alphabetical order:
"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute (paddy22@aol.com). My own life is close
enough to this story, that I'm simply going to go autobiographical here.
Apparently some of my best sexual experiences have occurred without my
direct knowledge. I sometimes wake up in the morning extremely refreshed and
with vague recollections of a really nice dream. When I check, I often find
the dried remnants of a sticky substance somewhere on my body or on the
sheets. It seems that after a long, hard day when I obviously need my sleep,
my husband is kind enough to bring me to orgasm in my sleep. The first time
he admitted this to me, he was embarrassed and apologized for "exploiting"
me. As I questioned him, I discovered that my cunt had vibrated in gentle
orgasm for over 15 minutes while he kissed my ass, diddled my clitoris, and
was generally my main benefactor, before he had shot his wad onto my
asscheeks. What's a girl to do? I forgave him, of course; and have
"forgiven" him many times since that first occasion. Believe it or not, I
had two anal orgasms by this route before I even knew he was interested in
that sort of thing. What can I say? I sleep soundly. Of course, it has
occurred to me that he could... but I'd better not say, because that might
be the plot of this story.
Ratings for "Am I Only Dreaming?"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded (usenet-tag@qz.little-neck.ny.us). This
one's hard to summarize without ruining it for the reader. It's a complex
but interesting 400-word story. I think I can summarize its main weakness by
saying that the author followed my Robert Browning analogy a little too
closely.
Ratings for "B----'s Lover"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Bees" by Mat Twassel (mmtwassel@aol.com). This was the 33rd story I read
for this contest; it was the first one that made me lean back in my chair and
laugh out loud. But it's not just funny; it's also very sexy - even though
no sex actually occurs during the story - at least not on stage. This story
uses a wonderful combination of innocence and innuendo to answer the common
question, what can possibly go wrong (or right) if a wife puts her panties
into her husband's lunch bag instead of a napkin and the husband goes out for
lunch with someone else and passes the lunch bag unopened along to the sexy
receptionist? The answer has something to do with one's belly button and
about 500 bees.
Ratings for "Bees"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Best Friends" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set
of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." This one develops the notion
that a man's best friend is his dog - except that when a dog fucks a guy in
the ass, the knot that swells up in the doggie cock may cause unnecessary
screaming, and the man might pass out, and neither the guy nor the dog may be
ready for similar copulation for quite a while. I have to admit, I had never
given the ideas in this plot much thought before reading this story.
Ratings for "Best Friends"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Buddies" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." Charlie and the narrator have
been playing a sport together - probably racquetball. Charlie has some
scratch marks on his back from a passionate tryst with his secretary, who is
a regular tiger in the sack. Charlie wants the narrator to cover for him by
telling his wife that Charlie got the scratch marks when he accidentally fell
through a glass partition at the racquet club. The narrator is willing to
cooperate, but he doubts that the excuse will actually work. Why? You'll
have to read the story to find out.
This story deserves the award for the most succinct, efficient use of words.
Just two paragraphs, a total of 260 words, and yet it really packs a punch.
Ratings for "Buddies"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Cain and Abel" by Taria (Taria29b@aol.com). This is NOT predominantly a
sexy story, but it does involve sex. I believe there are people who would
become sexually aroused if they thought about this story, but I myself did
not. Since I am trying to review this story without ruining it for you, I
cannot tell you much about it, because part of the pleasure lies in letting
you figure out what it is that the author is talking about. Let me just say
that this is a well written story and that the title creatively associates
the events in this story with the biblical story of Cain and Abel. Although
conspiracy enthusiasts may disagree with me, I am confident that this story
is not an accurate depiction of historical events (because, of course, I know
the real truth). That's enough! If you want to know more, read the story;
it's exactly 500 words long. If the author had room for one more word, I
know exactly what that word would be: BLAM!
Ratings for "Cain and Abel"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Captivated" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." A man who thinks that he is God's
Gift to Women has been wanting to move in with the narrator. She has granted
him his wish, but now God's Gift lies captured in humiliating bondage in the
narrator's house.
Ratings for "Captivated"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Civility" by Mark Aster (MyFrThAl@aol.com). Civility. Noun. 1. Courteous
behavior; politeness. 2. A courteous act or utterance.
"You FUCKER!" Pat shouts. "THAT'S your fantasy? Maybe you'd like to ball my
little sister while the MAILMAN fucks me frombehind! Does THAT sound good?"
Well, that rules out the second definition. So the story must be about
courteous behavior. Indeed it is. Pat and Our Hero play a fantasy game; and
he goes first and engages in courteous behavior by fucking her good and
proper.
So what's Pat's problem? You'll have to read the story to find out.
This story is almost an unethical and uncivil entry. I have reviewed
something like 45 stories about this author's Allen sisters. I think I'm in
love: if I ever fall off the monogamy wagon, I'm going to shack up with Pat,
Julie, and Aurora Drake.
This is a really excellent story, but not quite the winner.
Ratings for "Civility"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Confessions of Lust" by Anon 747 (Anon747@aol.com). I enjoy making up the
brief descriptions that I supply for these stories in the "Table of Contents"
in each issue of Celestial Reviews. For example, descriptions like "Homework
Helper" and "Recovering Sex Addict" seem to me to be both more fun and more
descriptive than something like {femdom} or {mf} or other varieties of
alphabet soup. This one I described as "masturbation with a twist." If that
plus straight 10 ratings catches your attention, you should take a look at
this story.
Ratings for "Confessions of Lust"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Cream" by Seurat (Dantedibby@aol.com). Expressing to his wife that he wanted
her to occasionally take the lead had not been difficult; but getting her to
do it was. But then she caught on quickly... too quickly, perhaps. Even if
you don't normally like femdom stories, you should still give this one a
look.
Ratings for "Cream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Daisy" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com). This is a brief story
about a practical joke played on a pimp. It's very short, but quite
enjoyable. I can't tell you anything about it, because that would ruin the
punchline for you.
Ratings "Daisy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Decisions, Decisions" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of
the set of Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." This story may qualify
for the Best Line Award: " God, she was just beautiful! When she sat down, I
swear the seat kissed her ass. I sure wanted to." I realize that quote
included three sentences, not just one; you'll have to figure out which
sentence I meant.
Anyway, the nerd has long been lusting for the lovely lass with the lovely
ass. One day she needs help with her math assignment. Read the story for
details.
Ratings for "Decisions, Decisions"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Double Dutch" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). If cleverness of plot
were the only criterion, this story would win the contest. Perhaps this
story can best be summarized by inserting the proper word into a proverb: "Do
unto others (what/so that/or/ before/while) others will do unto you." To put
it another way, there are only two males and two females in this story, and
so there's gotta be just a limited number of ways they can fit together -
right?
Ratings for "Double Dutch"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Dune what Comes Naturally" by Jeanette Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net). A
creative feature of this story is that it is written by a fictional
character. As I proofread the preceding sentence, I realized how badly it
missed the point. Actually, in a legitimate sense ALL the stories in this
contest are probably written by fictional characters. That is, almost
everyone uses a pseudonym when posting on a.s.s. What I meant to say was
that in this case Uther Pendragon has written a pair of stories and has given
credit for them to Jeanette and Bob Brennan, two fictional characters in his
long-running "For... " series. So if this feature really works, the present
story should not only be a good story; it should also appear to be the work
of Jeanette as opposed to Bob or someone else.
In this story Marlene's mother tells her to be home right after the movie to
which the girl is going with her boyfriend. Since they are on a tight
deadline, they leave the movie early and go down to the beach to make out.
But while they're making out in an area where they cannot be observed, they
hear someone else nearby doing a bit more than just making out. If Uther
Pendragon has done his work well and if you are familiar with his other work,
you should now have a pretty good idea how this story will end - or at least
it will seem like an ending that Jeanette would have written for her entry in
this contest. It worked for me!
Ratings for "Dune what Comes Naturally"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Foodie" by Plainman (an10176@anon.nymserver.com). Some of the authors found
a loophole in the rules, which stated simply that the story had to have 500
or fewer words and be about sex. In the present case Plainman stayed within
the word limit, but he took advantage of the readers' previous knowledge
about his characters. In other words, instead of using 200 words to set up
the story, he simply has Princess speak, and those of us who have followed
Princess and her Court immediately know that this person is a dominant
nymphomaniac whose husband likes to spank her after she reports to him about
the slutty activities in which she has engaged with other men - or women.
In this episode Princess has planned a rendezvous with a man named Robert.
They have planned to go to a really good restaurant, and they flirt with
each other by relating future sexual activities to each of the morsels that
they consume. That's all I can tell you. This is a good story, but not the
prize winner. As a consolation prize, have some potatoes with creme fraiche
and caviar, Plainman; and then do what you wish.
Ratings for "Foodie"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Game" by Michael Ellis (michael1a@hotmail.com). The story starts with a
really hot bondage scenario, with the guy bound and gagged and being teased
by an incredibly sexy woman with a perfect body and a filthy vocabulary.
Then there's a really strange twist, the likes of which I have neither seen
nor thought of on this newsgroup before. Interesting game!
Ratings for "The Game"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan (MrSpraycan@aol.com). "Call me Ishmael." "There
once was a girl named Nan Tucket." This story is shorter than "Moby Dick,"
and it's not a limerick. What we have here is an interesting anecdote set in
New Bedford 200 years ago in which a young seaman harpoons a lady who is not
of Puritan inclination at the Saucy Pelican. This is an extremely well-told
tale.
Ratings for "The Harpooner"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Hot Time in the Old Town" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Ramone looks
down into Julia's eyes. Perspiration runs down his brow, his cheeks, and his
neck. His sides heave as he sucks in deep lungfuls {actually, lungsful <tsk,
tsk!>} of much-needed air. She is equally sweaty and breathless. Their
bodies are almost welded together, their lips only inches apart. Good golly,
Miss Molly! What have they been doing? Later we learn that their bodies are
separated by a mere 6 inches; or should we say joined by a mere 6 inches?
And why such a humble number?
This story gives us an intense buildup to a sudden twist at the end -
literally, almost. To get its full meaning, you'll have to evaluate my
previous sentence after you've read the story.
Ratings for "A Hot Time in the Old Town"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Houseguest" by DG (dionysian1@hotmail.com). Here we have a tail of
unrequited love. The houseguest has developed an inordinate fondness for his
roommate's girlfriend, and he lets nature take its course. I guessed this
ending with about 487 words to go in the story, and I was right on target;
but it was still fun verifying my hypothesis. You probably won't predict as
accurately as I did, unless you take advantage of hints provided in this
review.
Ratings for "The Houseguest"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"If..." by Mary's Brother. Sometimes a guy makes a mistake when he agrees to
let the boss fuck his wife in return for a vice-presidency in the company.
This narrator admits the mistake, but makes it sound pretty sexy.
Vice-presidency, eh...? I assumed this story was about a company in the
world of business. But by an incredible coincidence I happen to know that
the Secret Service code name for Bill Clinton is R. P. Glass. That means
that this could be a true story narrated by Al Gore. I suspect a person with
a name like Tipper would put her best effort into an activity that might
advance her husband's career. Hmmm....
Ratings for "If..."
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"In Your Own Sweet Way" by Walter Caulder (waltcaul@hotmail.com). I'm
impressed at how many of these stories hit 500 words right on the nose. This
one deals with a dilemma faced by a movie director whose male star has become
incapable of performing for the final scene. Oh, I forgot to mention that
it's a porn movie and that the final scene involves anal sex. The director
fills in, and he screws it up by cumming inside the young lady; but that's
only one of several surprises in the end. That previous sentence included a
few puns.
Ratings for "In Your Own Sweet Way"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks (RenaeNicks@aol.com). Don't you
just hate it when you can hear somebody else making love? I mean, it's not
as if you try to listen, which would be rude; but when the woman is a
screamer or the guy is really good at it or you have two virgins going all
the way for the first time - well, sometimes you just can't help hearing
what's going on; and if you're alone, sometimes you feel tempted to
masturbate and to try to come in rhythm with the other couple; but since you
know that's wrong, sometimes you just try to imagine exactly what it is that
they're doing and what part you could play if you were allowed to join in;
and if you're in a hotel room and it's late at night you probably call your
husband or significant other - unless you're a real pervert and arrange a
conference call with both - and you try to distract yourself by describing to
that person exactly what's happening both in the room next door and in the
area between your legs - well, when that happens, does it ever occur to you
that somebody at the hotel switchboard might be listening to your phone call
and getting off at your expense?
Well, anyway, this story is about listening to the neighbors having sex.
Ratings for "Listening to the Neighbors"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Little Encouragement" by Stephanie (stephanie@nym.alias.net). Let's see.
We have a young guy being seduced by a beautiful older woman who appears to
be surprisingly strong. The story is by Stephanie, who specializes in
transgender stories and is prone to surprise endings. OK, I have put my
guess for the surprise ending into a sealed envelope, and I'll let you know
how I did. {Actually, I could just write my prediction here; it's just as
easy to lie and cheat with a word processor as to lie about a sealed
prediction, but I may need a drum roll later.}
Ooops! I went to the next screen and found, "Hi, honey! I'm home!" I'll put
my NEW prediction in a NEW sealed envelope. Fine; so the woman hustles her
date into a dark room and then returns to face her Honey. But the guy is not
alone in the dark room; there's a sexy girl in the bed there - one with
perfectly formed breasts clearly visible through her thin night-dress. OK,
I'll put my new prediction in a THIRD sealed envelope.
Fortunately, there was a sale on envelopes at the drug store in the mall near
my house, and so I handled the vagaries of this plot quite nicely, thank you.
Surprisingly, my first guess was almost exactly correct; but I won't tell it
to you, since that would ruin it for you.
Ratings for "A Little Encouragement"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Memo" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). Mike Hunt is an unethical but
talented bastard who will do anything to win this contest. I have been
deluged with fan mail praising his stories - oddly enough, most of the
messages were signed by people whose names appear in this memo. He has been
trying to arrange a menage a trois (actually a menage a cinq by this time, I
believe) with several of his cronies and myself. He has offered his wife
June to me as a personal sextoy. And - most depraved of all - he has
submitted three creative entries.
This one is worth reading just for the names of the people to whom the memo
is addressed, including Oliver Clothesoff, The Dickner Brothers (Iben, Uben,
and Heben), Jenny Talia, and Kandy Thys. The "story" is a creative but
futile attempt to get the gang at Mike Hunt Enterprises united in their
effort to influence the judge for this contest.
Ratings for "Memo"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"My Trusted Friend" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). Ethics 101 Final Exam:
Joe is a married man who hangs around with an unmarried person whom we shall
loosely refer to as a Lady Friend. Although she is sexually active, the Lady
Friend respects Joe's fidelity to his marriage and refrains from sex with
him, but she frequently describes her sexual exploits and fantasies to Joe.
One day they go to buy coke from Biker Dave. Believing that his Lady Friend
will enjoy the experience, Joe subdues her and lets the slimeball have sex
with her. Comment on these events from the perspectives of Immanuel Kant
and/or Baruch Spinoza. This is a very good story.
Ratings for "My Trusted Friend"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Orgy" by kollontai (amadora@hotmail.com). The man and his college
friends have conducted frequent orgies. He has attended faithfully, finding
pleasure and an enjoyable release. But suddenly, the fun and enjoyment has
gone away and he feels like a devoid shell {sic}. He feels dirty. He needs a
shower. He feels called to a new life! Read all about it!
Ratings for "The Orgy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Poe" by Seurat (Dantedibby@aol.com). This story is a modernized, erotic
parody of one of Edgar Alan Poe's famous short stories. I won't tell you
which one, because then your knowledge of American literature would
jeopardize your enjoyment of this story. This is an excellent story.
Ratings for "Poe"
Athena (technical quality): 9.5
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Party" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." It's a two paragraph story that
suggests a creative answer to the question, "What should a bride-to-be do to
get revenge when her future husband declines to invite her to the bachelor
party?
Ratings for "Party"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious (gregarious@poboxes.com). What I like best
about some of these stories is that when I get finished I have a "Now I Get
It!" experience. This happens with some longer stories as well, but with
these extremely short stories I actually have the time and patience to go
back and check to make sure all the details fit. This author does the set-up
very well. I had the full "That Can't Be, Can It?" experience, and when I
went back and checked, indeed it COULD be.
The set-up is that the man is conversing with a woman who is trying to get
him all turned on. It's apparently one of those 1-900-HOT-CHIX numbers, and
the guy is uncertain how authentic the woman is but he is really getting into
the fantasy. Then something happens, and you'll have to read the story to
find out what.
Ratings for "The Phone Call"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Playing Pool" by BronwenSM (bronwen@anon.nymserver.com). This is one of only a few
stories that did not rely on a sudden twist and a surprise ending. It's just
a straightforward appeal to the reader's prurient interests - and a damned
good appeal it is.
The girls are out to shoot some pool on a Friday evening, when a wholly
objectionable old-fashioned misogynist begins making a nuisance of himself by
uttering derogatory remarks about the gentle sex. Sheena challenges him to a
game of pool, and when she beats him, he has to put his money where his mouth
was - no, that's not it -he has to put his mouth where their pussies are.
This is a pleasant, sexy story that would make Carrie Nation proud to be a
woman.
By the way, why are pool tables green? You'd be green too, if you had 16
balls and people were poking at them with sticks.
Ratings for "Playing Pool"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Quiz" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). This isn't really a quiz. It's a
humorous word association game. When you read the questions and answers
together, you will laugh your head or other part of your anatomy off. Pretty
funny!
Ratings for "Quiz"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Rant" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). The main focus of this story is a
single sentence 483 words long - the sort of thing Sister Mary Detention used
to have us to diagram when we misbehaved and had to stay after school, only
with content the likes of which would have made the Good Sister give up the
habit, so to speak. Anyway, the sentence is grammatically correct, and yes,
I have had a variant of the hallucination which the author relates in this
story. This description sounds silly, but the sentence is well worth
reading.
Ratings for "Rant"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Recipe" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." In this story the narrator brings
up the issue of sex and eating in a most peculiar manner. Trust me, you
haven't previously thought of this idea!
Ratings for "Recipe"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Sharing" by Vickie Tern (VickieTern@aol.com). This is part of the set of
Vickie Tern's postings labeled "Quickies." It takes the form of a monologue,
in which a woman is thanking her husband for the pleasure she has received by
having sex with another man whom the husband has graciously allowed her to
fuck. Now she's offering to let the husband join in and pick up sloppy
seconds. Maybe she'll even stop giving him the pills, so that he can have a
hard-on again.
Ratings for "Sharing"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Ships That Parse in the Night" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com).
It's stretching matters to call this a sex story. If the statement "Your
participle is dangling" has sexual connotations, then I suppose this story
qualifies. The story consists of a large number of interestingly misused
words and phrases - the anguished languish version of the English language.
If you enjoy thinking about language, you'll probably like this story.
However, even I did not get sexually aroused by this story. Amused, but not
aroused; but with all these other great stories, who needs more arousal?
Ratings "Ships That Parse in the Night"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Spaced Out" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com). A couple of months
ago there was a "discussion" of Celestial Reviews on a.s.s.d., and an
unfriendly critic got on my case for my "sophomoric humor." He insisted that
I liked only one type of story, which he referred to as the Groucho Marx
genre. This critic was an imbecile, of course; it's safe to assume that (a)
Will Rogers never met him and (b) he is incapable of realizing the subtle
humor in (a). Having said that, I am nevertheless going to give straight
10's to this story. which consists of little more than sophomoric humor - but
written by a sophomore at a very good school!
Aliens have been sent to examine earthly culture, and the being in charge of
reproductive analysis has had trouble selecting his samples. After you read
this story, you'll probably recognize it as an elaborate development of a
familiar sex joke.
Ratings for "Spaced Out"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Taken" by kollontai (amadora@hotmail.com). You should either skip this one
or read it carefully. When I first started to read it, I thought I had my
first grammatically incoherent entry for this contest. Then I realized it
was poetry, and I read the story accordingly. Terse prose is not the right
way to review poetic prose. So read this story yourself if you want to be
touched by the feelings of a woman who has become dominated by a man whose
power overcomes her. This type of behavior is not my cup of tea, but I still
felt that I understood the narrator's emotions as I read the story.
Ratings for "Taken"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"An Unintentional Voyeur" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). We all know
the feeling: we come home early when we're supposed to be gone for the entire
weekend. Our younger sister has taken advantage of our absence and our
parents' absence to have her boyfriend stay overnight. We listen, and
practically have an orgasm imagining the actions that accompany what we hear.
But all is not what it seems.
Ratings for "An Unintentional Voyeur"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"A Victorian Tale" by Hoosier Red (xanadu1@ibm.net). It is a dark and stormy
night, but isn't it always is in Victorian or gothic stories? The woman has
offered the man dinner while his clothes dry, another common Victorian ploy.
The husband is away and the wife must play. Forbidden, glorious, all a
dream, his hands finding the curve of her hips at the end, and clutching...
I'd like to meet this Victor guy someday.
Ratings for "A Victorian Tale"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Watching" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). Excellent story! This one is
going to make the final cut. It's hot and imaginative - with several double
whammies. I can't tell you anything else without ruining it for you. Check
this one out!
Ratings for "Watching"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Watching 3" by Tom Bombadil (stbush@iglou.com). No, Tom; you can't set me up
with a story like "Watching" and then expect me to rave over this one. This
tale about two voyeurs on a beachfront is a nice little story, but it relies
too much on the final twist, which didn't fool me at all.
Ratings for "Watching 3"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 7
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"What Choice?" by Art. The man is unhappy with his wife. Although she is
beautiful, she is demanding. His solution is one you have not thought of -
I'll bet on it!
Ratings for "What Choice?"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
"Windmill Saga" by Robert Brennan (anon584c@nyx.net). As I stated in the
review of "Dune What Comes Naturally," Uther Pendragon has posted two entries
for this contest - one under the name of each of his two main fictional
characters. This is Bob Brennan's entry. It reads like Dulcinea with a sad
ending. I guess that's plausible. Bob very well might have written this
story; the more romantic but less adventurous Jeanette would probably write
the more optimistic "Dune What Comes Naturally."
In this story the woman awakens in the middle of the night to find her
husband exhausted at the computer. With a burst of Dulcinea-like energy, she
fucks his brains out and puts him happily to sleep. What sad ending could
possibly come from this wonderful act of love? Read the story to find out.
Ratings for "Windmill Saga"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Yardstick" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com). Two couples have
gathered for an evening of pleasant conversation and sexual innuendo. Betsy
announces that her husband has a 20-incher. The other couple says "No way!"
and Betsy says "Way!" and her husband shows all. Betsy lied, but not in the
way you may think.
Ratings for "Yardstick"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
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