Message-ID: <1348eli$9706091252@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Archived-At: <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/Year97/1348> Path: qz!not-for-mail Followup-To: alt.sex.stories.d Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Organization: The Committee To Thwart Spam Approved: <usenet-approval@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Moderator-Contact: Eli the Bearded <story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us> X-Story-Submission: <story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us> From: M1KEHUNT@aol.com Subject: >500 words "Quiz" - by MIKEÊHUNT (+form letters) 3 Dear Readers: Celeste, of "Celestial Reviews" fame, is holding her second Third Annual Short Story contest. This is one of my entries. She has also announced that she will allow herself to be influenced by your mail. Her address is Celeste801@aol.com. You know what to do and where to do it. To simplify things, I have provided some sample e-mails to be sent to Celeste. You may make up your own, or simply cut-and-paste one of these and forward it to her. ## SAMPLE #1 Tear Celeste: I think M1KE HUNT shoult win the short story contest because he's real goot. I always get a hart on when I reat his stories and then I play with my tick until it pops. So let M1KE win the contest because he shoult. I'm sorry a key on my wort processor is sticking. I popped on the keyboart one time by mistake. Sincerely, (put name here) ## SAMPLE #2 DeAr CeLEst3: y0U FucKIng cUNT. iF m1Ke HuNT doESN't wIN yoUr STupId c0Nt3St, i'M GoiNg to sTAB yOu in tHE FuckING eYE. c0rD1Ally, (put name here) ## SAMPLE #3 Dear Celeste: The criteria for your contest are far too subjective to be fair to all participants. While the rules have clear definition, the final evaluation standards reside only with you, which could lead to charges of favoritism, or worse, outright fraud. This is not a healthy situation, and so I would make the following teensy suggestion. Award the prize to M1KE HUNT, who seems to be a nice enough fellow. Why, I did a mind control exercise he suggested and it relaxed me immensely. I was so inspired that I faxed him my intimate personal information, and we got together to discuss it, and well, one thing led to another, and before I knew it I was giving him a blow job. Don't you wish that could happen to you? It could, if you would just award the prize to M1KE HUNT. Just trying to help, (insert name here) OK, that's enough. You are free to make up your own letter and send it to her, but knowing (as I do) the average intelligence of my readers and their ability to compose a thoughtful response, I thought I'd help with some pre-written letters, just like the fundamentalists do for our Senators and Representatives. See? I have just as high an opinion of you as the lobbyists do. Herewith: "Quiz" - by M1KE HUNT OK, one last try. I can't seem to do these in story form. I don't know why. Maybe it's the pressure of the 500 word limit or something. I can barely belch in 500 words! Let's try this one. It's not a story either, it's more of a quiz, like you'd find in Elle or something. Like Elle you would. To complete the quiz choose an item from column "A" and match it up with something from column "B". When the quiz is done all items must be chosen. Answers are at the bottom. A perfect score is when you get everything right. The first question is simple, and is used as an example to get you going: 1) age limit for reading dirty stories A) 18. The answer is 1-A. See? Simple. OK, now they get harder: 2) dick B) cunt 3) penis C) cunt 4) erection D) cunt 5) Mike Hunt E) my cunt 6) June Hunt F) my cunt 7) Celeste G) not my cunt 8) Dworkin H) really not my cunt 9) alt I) cool model Carol who's also not my cunt 10) binaries J) naries who go either way 11) post K) erection 12) posting L) getting an erection 13) redhead M) part of a really nasty erection 14) a.s.s. N) part of female anatomy with misplaced periods 15) cunt O) part of female anatomy with regular periods 16) testicles P) final exam in the "Tickling Teacher" story 17) anus Q) and Andy 18) oral sex R) $3.99 a minute 19) pussy S) furry animal that I love 20) spread T) legs or butter, or both simultaneously 21) fuck me U want to? 22) fuck you V) inappropriate response to #21 23) aureolas W) spell check 24) jugs X) great Scrabble word in mixed company 25) tits Y) even better Scrabble word in mixed company 26) suck my tits Z) special Scrabble award! 27) kinky AA) rhymes with "dinky" 28) pinky BB) looks like my "dinky" 29) slinky CC) I'm not so "dinky" anymore! 30) big tits DD - really big tits 31) Victoria's Secret EE) Victoria is a guy!! 32) balls FF) what Budweiser sponsors on TV 33) adultery GG) what adults do when behaving like teenagers 34) lingerie HH) French for "can you see my breasts?" 35) lactate II) our family after Tate died 36) weird JJ) me 37) asshole KK) the end 38) over LL) and out 39) Copyright MM) 1997 OK Time's up. Total up your score. If you got more than 17 wrong then you're eliminated. Sorry. Perfect scores are rare, but I've had a few. I write about them in my stories. To get them by e-mail send a note to Bannerboy1@aol.com. To talk to me up close and personal write to M1KE HUNT@aol.com. Note the 2nd character in M1KE is a "one" (1) not an "eye" (I). Thanks. This piece is Copyright 1997 by M1KE HUNT. I can't imagine why. -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /