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From: Celeste801@aol.com
Subject: Celestial Reviews 186 - May 31
X-Is-Review: yes
Celestial Reviews 186 - May 31, 1997
Note: I apologize for not being able to read all the stories people would
like me to review. I know sometimes my decisions regarding what to review
seem irrational or unfair; but please remember that I am doing this as a free
service and have a right to exercise a certain amount of freedom in my
selection. I'll keep on trying to review all the stories I can. If I seem
to have forgotten your story, it's OK to send me a note to try to jar my
memory.
Second Note: The Blow Job Principle: We are in danger of losing some of our
best authors. I am aware of at least two people who say they are ready to
throw in the towel simply because they get so little feedback from readers.
If you rarely or never respond to authors, then THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
What in the world do you think keeps an author going? You can call it ego or
whatever you want to call it. I call it the Blow Job Principle. Simply
stated, if a person expects to get a second blow job, the recipient should
make the giver glad to have performed the first. Applied to these stories,
if you like a story, take the trouble to say so.
Some writers on this newsgroup are incoherent and don't intend to improve.
If they give up and go away, that's fine with me. But there are good
writers who have already abandoned this newsgroup and others who will do so,
because there's nothing in it for them.
I'm not suggesting that you kiss up to the authors. But if you enjoy a story
that you obtained for free, why not take two minutes to give the author some
feedback? I don't think most authors want idle flattery; but they write
stories with the hope that they are getting a reaction - for example, they
may want to make people happy. They'll never know they have succeeded unless
somebody tells them so.
Third Note: Remember the Third Annual Celestial Writing Contest. {Several
people have pointed out to me that this is actually my Fourth - not Third
-Contest. No one has yet pointed out to me that I have only been writing
these reviews for about two years; so how can I have had so many ANNUAL
contests?} The rules are that the story must in some way be about sex and
must be restricted to 500 words or less. In addition, the story should
include some sort of unusual twist. If you wish, you can submit several
super-short stories together (as Vickie Tern has now done on two occasions),
or you can post them separately under separate titles. However, I'll give
first prize to the best STORY, not to the best collection. The deadline for
submissions will be June 3, which my calendar tells me is the date on which
the Catholic Church will celebrate the feast of St. Charles Lwanga and his
companions.
I have received a large number of stories for this contest. I am now making
a request that people who have submitted stories check the list below to make
sure I have their entries correctly listed. Sometimes stories have not been
labeled clearly, and sometimes I just plain get confused. Note that in order
for a story to be considered a contest entry, the author him/herself must
submit it and state that it is for the contest. An example of an
unacceptable entry would be a repost of one of Deirdre's short stories
without her permission or a story that appears on a.s.s. or a.s.s.m. that
happens to be under the size limit. For example, an author recently posted a
humorous anecdote that would have fallen within the word limit but was not
labeled as an entry for the contest. If an author wants to be in this
contest, he/she has to tell me so. In order to avoid mistakes, I am listing
here (in general alphabetical order) all the stories that I THINK have been
submitted for this contest.
"Am I Only Dreaming?" by Paddy Toute
"B----'s Lover" by Eli-the-Bearded
"Bees" by Mat Twassel
"Civility" by Mark Aster
"Foodie" by Plainman
"The Game" by Michael Ellis
"The Harpooner" by MrSpraycan
"The Houseguest" by DG
"If..." by Mary's Brother
"Listening to the Neighbors" by Renae Nicks
"The Phone Call" by Gregarious
"Poe" by Seurat
"Ships that Parse in the Night" by John Thomas
"What Choice? by Mal
Three entries (I think) by Mike Hunt
Five stories by Tom Bombadil
"Teasers" by Vickie Tern (several eligible entries)
"Twist" by Seurat (several eligible entries)
Stephanie {The winner of my first two "annual" contests} has promised me an
entry but has not yet submitted it.
These authors can ignore this advice if they wish, but I would suggest that
Vickie Tern and Seurat may wish to add titles to their stories. At present,
I believe these stories are simply labeled as i, ii, etc. That format will
make it difficult for readers to comment; and I may find it difficult to give
a prize to a story entitled xii. Just a thought.
If stories should be added to or deleted from this list, please contact me.
After the deadline I'll post a list of all the entries, and the authors
should repost their stories. Readers who wish to do so will be encouraged to
send the input to me or to comment through a.s.s.d. I'll allow myself to be
influenced by this discussion, but the final decision will be mine.
Fourth Note: Remember: even though someone else may be posting my reviews for
me, my e-mail address is still Celeste801@aol.com.
- Celeste
"Sense 15 - Now that's what I call Cybersex!!" by Thomas Morris
(cybersex) 10, 10, 9
"Some Things Just Happen" by Mike Hunt (romantic one-nighter)
10, 10, 10
"Losing It On Holiday" by Paddy Toute (first time) 10, 10, 10
"The Patient English" by MrSpraycan (incremental D&s) 10, 10, 9
"Head of the Class" by Jack Kendall (sitcom parody) 8, 8, 8
"Gone With the Wind" by Hadley V. Baxendale (novel parody)
9, 9, 9
"Daisy" by John Thomas (humor) 10, 8, 9
"Math Class Daydream" Joe Blow (adolescent fantasy) 10, 9, 9
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (romantic dream control) 10, 10, 10
* "The Fortieth Floor" by Asshmuck (utopian sex) 10, 10, 10
* "Awakenings" by Annette (virgin to slut transition)
10, 10, 10
* "First Love" by Unknown Author (emerging adolescence)
6, 9, 7
* = Repost of a previous review (because the story has
recently been reposted)
"Sense 15 - Now that's what I call Cybersex!!" by Thomas Morris
(Thomas@leesti.demon.co.uk). A mist comes out of the man's computer, and it
forms into a beautiful woman. She's one of the gods of the Internet - those
mysterious beings that make all those enigmatic things that nobody can
understand happen over modems on our computers. It seems that she needs a
break: she has been reading the man's e-mails and submissions to newsgroups,
and she has decided that he would be a good person with whom to share that
break. As you might expect, her fetishes match his, and a good time is had
by all.
Ratings "Sense 15"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Some Things Just Happen" by Mike Hunt (M1KE HUNT@aol.com). After a
voyeuristic introduction, the author plunges us into a story about a man and
a woman who meet on a park bench in the Boston area and are forced by a
sudden rainstorm to take refuge in his nearby condominium, where they make
tender love. The combination of naturalness and humor in the author's
delivery and dialogue is wonderful. This is a beautiful story, and I won't
ruin it by trying to summarize it any further.
Ratings "Some Things Just Happen"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"Losing It On Holiday" by Paddy Toute (Paddy22@aol.com). The 17-year-old guy
has been the beneficiary of a very strict upbringing - puritanical, we might
say. He is on what we Yanks call a vacation with his parents, when he seizes
an opportunity to acquire that most valuable commodity of all - a porn
magazine. Good news - he finds a store with magazines, successfully
purchases one without incurring the opprobrium of the man behind the counter,
takes it to his room, and begins to jerk off {er, wank - he's British} in the
presence of the magnificent tits and pussies he finds in the journal. Bad
news - the maid comes to clean the room and catches him in the Act. Good
news - the maid joins in the fun. More good news - the maid joins in the fun
a second time. Then she goes away and never sees him again for his entire
life. Imagine that.
This is a good story. In real life, things like this don't happen all that
often. For one thing, how often does the maid who comes upon the wanker both
(a) speak the same language and (b) want to have sex for free? In addition,
it seems likely that even a British adolescent would have the sense to use
the privacy lock to eliminate intruders. Nevertheless, this is an excellent
description of a typical adolescent fantasy.
Ratings "Losing It On Holiday"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
"The Patient English" by MrSpraycan (mrspraycan.an@edtec.com). The woman and
her boyfriend both work for Neue Salzbergische Credietanstalt und Handelsbank
fuer Ostlandischeverfahrenstecnik & Co. That's a bank, of course. He's an
Englishman who is married, but to a dull Englishwoman. She's a German. She
teaches him to be submissive. He likes it a lot. Eventually she even has
him looking forward to a torture chamber in a dungeon; but the bank
directors, who are humorless, asexual drones interested in nothing but
banking, catch them in foreplay on company property and can them both.
People who automatically like D&s will love this story. I don't fal in that
category, but I still liked the story. After a point, I couldn't understand
why a sane person would put up with this kind of treatment, but then I
concluded that maybe male British bankers are just that way around female
German bankers. It wouldn't surprise me at all.
Ratings "The Patient English"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Head of the Class" by Jack Kendall (jkendall@popmail.ucsd.edu). "Head of
the Class" was a sitcom about Charlie Moore, a teacher for a class of gifted
students in an American high school. Charlie was really an adolescent at
heart, but also an astute, inquisitive thinker who knew how to motivate
students and make them want to learn. None of that is evident in this story;
but instead we learn that he also has a sexual side. He has been boinking
the Vice-Principal, Ms. Meara, but his eye has been wandering to the more
nubile students who seem to be infatuated with him.
A good parody imitates the pattern of the original show. This one does not
accomplish that effectively. We start with a view of what Charlie is
thinking about; then we suddenly find ourselves watching Alex being punished
by Ms. Meara for wanking {er, jerking off - he's American} in the library.
Of course, she has Alex verbally recreate the situation; and when he gets
excited, she helps him out. Next we are treated to a segment with a guy
blackmailing a girl into having sex with him by threatening to expose her
fantasies about wanting to rim another girl. And so it goes. There's plenty
of fairly hot sex; and even though the story does not effectively parody the
original show, it does have the advantage of letting readers who are familiar
with the show imagine those TV characters doing all these kinky things to one
another.
Ratings "Head of the Class"
Athena (technical quality): 8
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8
"Gone With the Wind" by Hadley V. Baxendale (A+ Story). You'll be happy to
know that even after the war and even after giving birth to Bonnie and even
though her twenty-inch waist was slightly larger, Scarlett's buttocks and
stomach are as firm as they have ever been. With Rhett out of town on
business, Scarlett's eyes and thoughts have begun to wander back to her
beloved Ashley. Tonight she has decided to sneak into the anteroom next to
Ashley and Melanie's bedroom at Tara and to watch them frolic. But she makes
a noise and Ashley catches Scarlett in her voyeurism. Ashley is pissed {in
the American, not British, sense} but Melly takes pity. What with the
carpetbaggers and being married to an asshole like Rhett - what Scarlett
really needs is an opportunity to participate in a wholesome threesome. And
so they do.
I first read "Gone with the Wind" when I was a freshman in college. It read
the whole book during exam week. My friends thought I was crazy, but I just
couldn't put the book down. Now, over two decades later, I discover that all
of Scarlett's angst was in vain. Melanie would have been willing to share
Ashley, as long as she could watch and occasionally join in while he made
love to Scarlett. Things have become a lot simpler since the days when
Margaret Mitchell wrote her novel. I suspect Simon Legree would likewise
make a better impression on this newsgroup than he did in "Uncle Tom's
Cabin."
To quote some of the great minds of American history: "Why can't we all just
get along?" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
Ratings "Gone With the Wind"
Athena (technical quality): 9
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Daisy" by John Thomas (JohnThomas@compusurge.com). This is a brief story
about a practical joke played on a pimp. It's very short, but quite
enjoyable. I can't tell you anything about it, because that would ruin the
story for you.
Ratings "Daisy"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 8
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Math Class Daydream" Joe Blow (Joe@aol.com). The guy has been pining away
for the classmate who doesn't even know he exists. One day at the end of
class she drops a note off on his desk, asking him to join her in a hotel
room after school. Is this a daydream, or what? Read the story and find
out.
I have not seen other stories by this author. This was a good one. I hope
he writes more.
Ratings "Math Class Daydream"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9
"Lucid Dreamer" by Delta (delta@bc.sympatico.ca). Robert is a guy with a
physical disability, and his limp has impaired his capacity to hit it off
with interesting women. Other than that, he is a normal guy who likes to
hang out with his friends at a bar. He also has a crush on a woman whom he
observes from a bus. And most important (for this story, that is), he has
been trying to take control of his dreams. He wants to have "lucid dreams";
that is, he wants to become conscious of when he is dreaming and deliberately
let the dreams go where he wants them to go. He has read a book about it,
and by darn it should work! In fact, he has his eye on a lady whom he has
never met. All he knows is that she's beautiful and wears a wedding ring.
But if he ever became lucid in a dream, he had plans for that lady.
But then he meets Trudi, the girl of his dreams - literally. And then the
story gets complicated. I'm not going to try to summarize it. Let's just
say that it's a nice story that blends romance with the paranormal - sort of
like the movie "Ghost." If you're at all familiar with Delta's other stories,
you can easily suspect that this one might be good.
A technical note: Delta is a wonderful writer - Delta's worst stories are
better than I could ever write myself; and so the following "advice" needs to
be taken with a grain of salt. Delta posted this story in serial format -
one chapter at a time. I reviewed the first chapter (and I am repeating part
of that review here) and then I waited until the whole thing was finished
before I read and reviewed the whole story. In a cover letter Delta pointed
out that the characters had changed as the plot developed - and, indeed, that
the basic plot had changed in several ways. If this is the case, then it
seems to me that it would have been sensible to CHANGE some of the earlier
parts in view of these alterations; but since the earlier chapters had
already "gone to press," this was impossible.
A large number of authors employ this serial format. I suppose a major
reason is that they want to get reactions and feedback from readers. Some
authors get started and then simply quit after one or two chapters; but it
seems to me that even those who continue may be hurting their cause.
Wouldn't it be better to wait until the author him/herself knows EXACTLY how
the story will end before considering the earlier chapters to be finished?
It seems to me that authors limit themselves by locking themselves into
characterizations or plot elements that either prevent development or make
development awkward in view of earlier statements that could easily be
changed if they were not already etched in stone.
Back to the present story - and to my original review! I have some theories
of my own about dreams. First, I have discovered that my own dreams aren't
all that interesting. These stories, for example, are usually a lot more
interesting than my dreams. I used to think my dreams were interesting, and
once I decided (like Robert in this story) to write down my really good ones.
For this purpose I kept a notepad by my bed. I had a really great dream one
night, and I jotted down some notes. Since it was a sexy dream, I cut the
notes short and cuddled up against my husband's ass, hoping to get back into
the dream. I drifted orgasmically back to sleep. The next morning at
breakfast I remembered my dream. Knowing that I could write a best-selling
novel based on that dream, I rushed back to the bedroom and retrieved the
notepad. The notes easily enabled me to recall the entire dream. It was one
of the stupidest stories I had ever heard of - even worse than some of the
ones my sister-in-law has described at the dinner table. Within a week I
discovered that MOST of my dreams became inane under close scrutiny. The
dreams were often really fun to have, but that must have because in my sleepy
stupor I focused on key details and ignored fairly obvious inconsistencies.
My dreams simply did not have complete and coherent plots; they fell apart
under even superficial analysis. In addition, they reeked of plagiarism.
Since the critical examinations were ruining my dream-sex-life, I threw the
notepad away.
Second, I believe that the psychological "importance" of dreams is overrated.
Freud may have been a bright guy, but most dreams are not worth
"interpreting." I find that my dreams are just as likely to be influenced by
what's on television while I sleep, by noises outside my window, and by what
I read as by "subconscious feelings" that can give any meaning to my life.
My dreams are especially likely to be influenced by a pair of lips or a
tongue on the right part of my anatomy during the hour or so before I am
scheduled to wake up; but it doesn't require psychoanalysis to figure out why
this is so.
Third, I have tried something similar to what Robert does in this story. I
have this personality flaw called a conscience that prohibits me from doing
some really neat things - like making love to my husband's best friend,
eating the pussy of one of the women I teach with, and engaging in a gangbang
with some attractive and athletic people. I don't object to having this
conscience rule my life; I honestly believe that bad things would happen in
real life if I just threw aside my moral code of conduct. But what pisses me
off is that this conscience runs not only my real life, but also my
dream-life.
A while ago, for example, I was out jogging in the early morning with my
husband, when we came upon a blue-eyed blond in a really sexy body suit. She
was lying by the side of a beautiful lake, masturbating. When she noticed
us, she moaned, gave a come-hither look that brought my husband's cock to
attention, and invited us to join her. Then I found myself saying, "No, we
shouldn't do this." My husband replied, "Why not?". My cunt got this really
warm feeling, and I said to myself, "I think I'm dreaming." Then I
continued, "If this is a dream, I can go ahead...." But then the mere fact
that I was thinking that it might be a dream caused me to awaken from the
dream.
Fortunately, my husband is great about things like this. He has given me
permission to cuddle up to him and bang away whenever I feel the urge. He
doesn't even care whether I awaken him or not, and I can include anyone I
want in my fantasies. Just once I'd like to go ahead with the original dream;
but the first time I do that, I'm certain I'll discover that it wasn't a
dream after all.
See what I mean? The analysis of my dreams can get really boring. Delta has
now finished this story, and I still haven't resolved my dilemma. But I can
dream, can't I?
Ratings for "Lucid Dreamer"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "The Fortieth Floor" by Asshmuck (Dillweeder@aol.com). The Red Dragon has
posted this as "by Anonymous." I have it in my files as "edited" by
Asshmuck. I originally reviewed this back in CR 48.
The most significant characteristic of the fortieth floor is that the people
who "work" there don't actually do anything except have sex whenever they
want to do so. What kind of place is this? Is this a government job? Is
this where those AOL consultants go when they're not giving advice to
confused a.s.s. users? Is this heaven? You'll have to read the story and
find out. It's a creative story; and I might add that my description of this
as "utopian sex" is not all that far off.
Ratings "The Fortieth Floor"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "Awakenings" by Annette. The young lady is a naive virgin who has just
graduated from a Swiss finishing school. Her big turn-on is the thought that
when a man penetrates her for the first time it will be to shoot live
ammunition at an unprotected target. She gets all churned up at the idea of
totally unprotected sex with an even chance of being put in the family way.
When a rich guy she really likes comes on strong to her, she tells him her
feelings and says she's just not quite ready yet. Naive? Well, sort of; but
she certainly knows how to keep Alan at bay!
She resolves to be a virgin when she marries Alan; but shortly before the
wedding he gets called away for work for two months overseas, and she goes on
a cruise. The cruise ship is a veritable stud farm; and she mates with the
ships mate. Not to worry; he'll use a condom. Ooops! To hell with the
condom; he'll withdraw. Ooops! To hell with withdrawal; he has a supply of
the RU 462 morning after pill. Ah! Ecstasy (or Ecstasy, as the Brits say);
ten straight days and nights of ecstasy. Ooops! If you've never seen an RU
462 pill, I guess it's easy to confuse them with Relaxatabs.
The story has minor proofreading errors; but if I managed to ignore them, you
can probably do so as well.
Here is a lesson from the English teacher that lies hidden inside me.
Comedians and newscasters frequently talk about oxymorons. They give as
examples "military intelligence," "governmental efficiency," and "honest
lawyer." It may be funny to refer to these as oxymorons, because by doing so
the speaker is suggesting that the military is inherently unintelligent, the
government inefficient, and lawyers dishonest. The problem with those
examples is that they are better examples of humor than of oxymorons.
This author uses a true oxymoron when the protagonist sees her first engorged
penis and refers to as "how beautifully ugly!" That's a perfect oxymoron. I
once heard the person behind me at a wedding ceremony refer to the bride's
"utterly ugly beauty" - making the point that the extreme artificiality of
her makeup was not beautiful at all. There's a famous Latin expression:
"festina lente" - make haste slowly, or as Yogi Berra put it, "Take your
time; but hurry up!" A genuine oxymoron makes a point. In the story, the
idea is that the male sex organ fully engorged with blood is really pretty
grotesque if you look at it objectively; but if you look at it from the
potential pleasure it can give, it's beautiful. This is such a great
example; I want so much to use it as an illustration for my students, but I
guess I had better not. American middle class manners; now there's an
oxymoron for you!
Even aside from the oxymoron, the sexual scenes were delightfully graphic. I
strongly recommend this story.
Ratings for "Awakenings"
Athena (technical quality): 10
Venus (plot & character): 10
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10
* "First Love" by Unknown Author (gval7904@flash.net). Stories by teenage
authors can be interesting. When they write about "young love," teenage
authors have the advantage of being "young" and perhaps in love. On the
other hand, the often lack perspective and the ability to express themselves
really well. Sometimes this simplicity of expression enhances the story,
sometimes it doesn't.
Of course, we all know that the disclaimers at the beginning of nearly all
the stories on this newsgroup prohibit teenagers from even reading these
stories, and I presume that prohibition is strictly enforced. Therefore,
I'll assume that this story is written by an adult who wants to give the
impression that it is written by a teenager. Got that?
Aside from stylistic problems, this is a simple retelling of a story that has
happened and has been told thousands of times. The 15-year-old boy and the
14-year-old girl are in love and make love for the first time while she is
baby-sitting. The story is realistic and sexy. The kids do not use any
protection. She assumes that since he loves her that he won't give her any
form of STD and they naively don't give any thought to pregnancy. In the
real world the word for this is stupid, but I presume we are operating here
in the fantasy world where pregnancy and AIDS don't exist. However, even if
we put this story in the real world, this really is the way young teenagers
often think and act with regard to sexual behavior.
When I was 14, my mother told me I was too young to have sex. When I asked
when I could make love to someone, she said after college, when I got
married. It sounded like a long time. I stayed busy with sports and studies
and cheerleading. I learned to kiss, to neck, to masturbate, and to
fantasize.
Aside from religious principles, the main reason NOT to do what the two kids
do in this story is because it will be hard to stop. What in the world are
these two kids going to do for an encore? They believe that they will be in
love forever. Kids often really do express that belief, but this is not very
probable - or even desirable. I know lots of my young friends who started
sex very young, and the simple fact is that they just aren't (on the average)
as happy now as are my friends who waited until they were older. There are
exceptions, of course; but they ALL assumed they would be the exception.
Anyway, this story does a good job of presenting teen sex from a teen
perspective. I thought it was simultaneously beautiful, sexy, and sad.
By the way, this is not the same story as the one with the same title (also
by an Unknown Author) that received my award for Top Story of 1996. That
story was much longer and more thoroughly developed than this one.
Ratings for "First Love"
Athena (technical quality): 6
Venus (plot & character): 9
Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 7
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