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From: M1KEHUNT@aol.com
Subject: Four Letter Words - by MIKE HUNT

Dear Lurker:

I've been trying to come up with a new way to touch your life, if not your
wallet, but all I've come up with are these dumb short stories.

You see Celeste, of 'Celestial Reviews' fame, is having a Short Story
Contest, and I heard there's a big prize for the best one. Boy
wouldn't that make all this shit worthwhile!

So I've taken keyboard in hand and have knocked out three entries.
They're really crappy, but you never know. I get real close every year in
the Ed McMahon sweepstakes just by ordering 50 or so magazines!

The titles of my three entries are "Memo", "Rant", and "Quiz." They're all
four-letter words. Maybe I'll get extra credit.

I posted "Memo" a couple weeks ago, and I e-mailed the others to friends on
my list a while back. I'm posting them all together here because I think
I have to do that to be eligible, and because I haven't posted anything in
almost four days. I'm trying to cut back slowly.

Anyway, things always seem to work better in "threes". That's why there's
always a minister, a priest, and a rabbi. I figure posting three will improve
my odds with Celeste. That's not likely I suppose, but I have at least as
good a shot as winning something from fucking Ed McMahon.


M1KE


* * * Contest Entry #1: "Memo"


M1KE HUNT ENTERPRISES

Interoffice Memo To:

Ivonna Ardon    Ivan Athole    Howie Balzer    Les Bian    Harry Box
Dick Butkus    Oliver Clothesoff    The Dickner Bros: Iben, Uben, and Heben
Fonda Dix     Neal Downe    Ben Dover    Dick Dragon    C. Howie Fartz
Wilma Fingerdo    P. Freely    Peter Grabber    Mike Hawk    Richard Hed
Dick Hertz    Ima Hore    Betty Humpter    Buster Hyman    Haywood Jablome
Hugh Jazz    Jack Kanoff    Connie Lingus    Phillip Llerenas    Mike Lit
Pat McCann    Phil McGroin    Jack Mehoff    Craven Morehead    Dick Nibbler
Mike Ocksucker    Harry Puzey    Ivan Recshin    Ophelia Self    R. Sole
Ann L. Sphincter    Dick Spitzalot    Dick Swett    Jenny Talia    Kandy Thys
Tess Tichols    Dickie Trickle    Eric Tzhun    Peter Wacker    Albert Zweiner



From: M1KE HUNT

Re: Leftovers

I see we have a couple of "remainders" just sitting around, and as you know,
we're falling behind schedule. I've already talked to Mr. Hed about his habit
of hiring a hooker for the office every Wednesday. And while I may have stood
in the circle and gotten a blowjob with the rest of you, it's time to get to
work. No finger pointing. Or any other digit, please. For all our sakes, take
these random intros and see if you can turn them into something for Celeste's
Short Story contest:

INTRO #1: Her head was nestled between my legs. She was licking my balls
with a fury I had rarely seen before today. She kept at it for at least
five minutes even though I asked her to stop. I grabbed my long hard shaft
and turned toward her, threatening her with it. "How the hell am I going to
improve my pitching wedge if that fucking collie won't take my practice
balls out of her mouth?" I wondered. I have a big tournament this
weekend....(Please attach rest of story)

INTRO #2: I spread apart those well turned legs looking for that divine honey
pot that I knew was sure to be there. My practiced eye traveled up one leg
until I spotted it. Sure enough, "Miller's Honey Box" was stamped on
the side and I knew I had found another antique treasure from the 1920's.
The sturdy little piece of furniture had stood quietly in the back of the
store... (Please attach rest of story)

INTRO #3: It was a dark and stormy night... (On second thought, skip this
one. It's a stupid opening and totally unbelievable anyway.)

Which brings me to my last point. We have to stop using dumb openings to
these things. Just get the disclaimer out of the way and get on with the
action.  Our customer satisfaction ratings have slipped from 97% to 95.3%
in the latest J.D. Powers survey, and I think our "too clever" openings may
have something to do with it.

And use a simple disclaimer, like: *Under 18? Go away.* That'd do it. OK,
let's get to work. Oh, and Dick, please report to my office. It's
Wednesday.

Thanks

M1KE


BTW: In case you're wondering, we had to let Hugh G. Rection go.
He just didn't fit in.



* * * Contest Entry #2



Here is another entry for Celeste's Short Story Contest. The first entry
probably didn't count anyway, 'cause it wasn't really a story. It was just
a memo, which we all see too many of. This one isn't a story either.
It's more of a rant, but what the fuck. Rules are made to be broken.
Except the one that says you should be 18 to read it.


"Rant" - by MIKE HUNT


There's a line from a song running through my mind and it's a lyric I just
can't get out of my head, like a melody you hear on the jukebox in the
afternoon and you're still thinking about it at night when you're minding
your own business just walking down a neighborhood street on a warm summer
night and you see a nice looking girl who you don't even know with a skirt
that's simply too goddamn tight and her ass is wiggling with every step and
you just can't believe that women are so fucking attractive and that they
have such power over you or maybe it's just that you're weak but you're too
shy to do anything about it anyway and then you get that familiar twitch in
your loins and you start to get hard and you can't help the fantasy that
comes into your brain but your societal taboos hold you in check while what
you really want is to get nasty and just grab her and run out behind the
building and rip her clothes off and ravish her and lick her entire body
and try to memorize every hill and valley of her soft supple skin while she
lies there in the passion of the moment as you suck on her glowing breasts
and she reaches up and unzips your pants with one hand while she reaches
inside with the other and grabs your erection with her cool fingers and it
feels so good because you know she wants you and you don't even take the
time to drop your pants because your dick is sticking straight out of them
and it's as angry and hard as you can ever remember and then she pulls her
panties to the side as she opens her legs wide and bends her knees and you
know that she's waiting and you position yourself directly over her and
then you're looking at her and she's looking at you as you're slowly
sinking into her soft warm wetness and your cock is enveloped in a tumbler
of pleasure and you lose track of time and space and enter a dimension of
delight while you stroke back and forth into the slippery wetness of her
pussy and you feel the amazing sensations in your cock but know that the
pleasure is really in your mind as you build to your own climax too soon
and you want to hold off and let these incredible feelings of ecstasy last
for hours but you can't help it because it feels so good and then you let
go and fill her cunt with your sperm as wave after wave of your sticky
white goop shoots into her and you're fucking your own jizz inside her
vagina and you keep on thrusting before you collapse exhausted because
things like this are just too good to be true.


You, darling. You're too good to be true.



* * * Contest Entry #3: "Quiz"



OK, one last try. I can't seem to do these in story form. I don't know why.
Maybe it's the pressure of the 500 word limit or something. I can barely
belch in 500 words! Let's try this one. It's not a story either, it's more
of a quiz, like you'd find in Elle or something. Like Elle you would.

To complete the quiz choose an item from column "A" and match it up with
something from column "B". When the quiz is done all items must be chosen.
Answers are at the bottom. A perfect score is when you get everything right.

The first question is simple, and is used just to get you going:


 1) age limit for reading dirty atories    A) 18.


The answer is 1-A. See? Simple. OK, now they get harder:


 2) dick     B) cunt
 3) penis     C) cunt
 4) erection     D) cunt
 5) Mike Hunt     E) my cunt
 6) June Hunt     F) my cunt
 7) Celeste     G) not my cunt
 8) Dworkin     H) really not my cunt
 9) alt     I) cool model Carol who's also not my cunt
10) binaries     J) naries who go either way
11) post     K) erection
12) posting     L) getting an erection
13) redhead     M) part of a really nasty erection
14) a.s.s.     N) part of female anatomy with misplaced periods
15) cunt     O) part of female anatomy with regular periods
16) testicles     P) final exam in the "Tickling Teacher" story
17) anus     Q) and Andy
18) oral sex     R) $3.99 a minute
19) pussy     S) furry animal that I love
20) spread     T) legs or butter, or both simultaneously
21) fuck me     U want to?
22) fuck you     V) inappropriate response to #21
23) aureolas     W) spell check
24) jugs     X) great Scrabble word in mixed company
25) tits     Y) even better Scrabble word in mixed company
26) suck my tits    Z) special Scrabble award!
27) kinky     AA) rhymes with "dinky"
28) pinky     BB) looks like my "dinky"
29) slinky     CC) I'm not so "dinky" anymore!
30) big tits     DD - really big tits
31) Victoria's Secret     EE) Victoria is a guy!!
32) balls     FF) what Budweiser sponsors on TV
33) adultery     GG) what adults do when behaving like teenagers
34) lingerie     HH) French for "can you see my breasts?"
35) lactate     II) our family after Tate died
36) weird     JJ) me
37) asshole     KK) the end
38) over     LL) and out
39) Copyright     MM) 1997


OK Time's up. Total up your score. If you got more than 17 wrong then you're
eliminated. Sorry. Perfect scores are rare, but I've had a few. I write about
them in my stories. To get them by e-mail send a note to Bannerboy1@aol.com.
E-mail regular stuff to M1KE HUNT@aol.com. Note the 2nd character in M1KE is
a "one" (1) not an "eye" (I).


* * *


Well, there they are - my three entries in the Short Story Contest.
Not really a story among them, but I still have great hopes. I can't wait
for the big contest award ceremony! I hear it's Black Thai, but I found a
girl who's a Vietnamese mulatto who I think will pass.





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