Subject: Tasteless Kama Sutra
Summary: canonical list of tasteless and absurd sex acts
Date: 6 Sep 92 16:21:23 GMT
Copyright probably remains with original posters.
Corrections, clarifications and additions gladly accepted.
Bonus points for verified cases of the more bizarre acts or determining real
names (paraphilias).
I'm pushing 1000 lines of stuff here, so sooner or later I'll have to split
this into 2 parts. This also explains the editing for brevity.
AH-CHOO SCREW -
case@freja.diku.dk:
Assume missionary position. Insert cock in girls cunt. Insert nose in girls
mouth. Fuck rapidly, then blow all three nostrils at a time. Tell her that you
love her. Works also in a 69, but some girls may require that you wear a condom
over your nose, as they don't like the feel of snot in their slobberhole (a
shame really, as it's a very good non-toxic lubricant).
Slogans to use when talking her into it: 'Imagine two crooked spurting objects
in your body simultaneusly', 'Twice the pleasure'. Things to say to show that
you are in the know, a man of the world 'HiYa baby, do you spit or swallow'.
ANAL SEX -
saunders@luther.che.wisc.edu:
Nothing tasteless about that, unless she's got diarrhea at the time, and
blows it out on every stroke.
AUSTRALIAN BUTT CHUG, MOON RIVER -
BLANKENSHIPG@rcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu (Gerime Blankenship):
Speaking of gross things done with a beer and someone's ass. Once I was
with a really sleezy bar with a friend and his girlfriend. My friend stood on
the table pulled down his pants and told me to pour my beer down his crack. So
I did and his girlfriend got between his legs and guzzled the beer as it ran
off the end of his testicles. They called it the Australian Butt Chug.
BAGPIPE -
penis in armpit sex. No documented cases. Official name unknown.
BANANA RAMMING -
Chris Lloyd - a74k110@titan.ucc.umass.edu:
No I'm not a lady, but I did see .quite. a drunken girl insert a stiff
banana into her in front of most of a party in high school, it was quite
entertaining. From then on she was silently reffered to as
"BananaRammer", she had a hard time facing anyone after that ...
BEETLEJUICING, MEATPUPPET, LINDA BLAIR EFFECT, ROTO-SCHLORPHING -
gregw@hspice.portal.com suggests the act:
What would you call the act of impaling the severed head back on your
ManTool[tm], then spinning it (the head) around?
charters@madhaus.utcs.utoronto.ca
reay@bnlls1.nsls.bnl.gov
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM
srklump@undergrad.math.waterloo.edu
suggested the names.
BROOMSTICK DEATH -
[address withheld]:
Basically, a homosexual man wanted to fuck himself up the ass with a
broomstick, so he greased up the stick, wedged it against his bathtub, and
proceeded to buttfuck himself by doing pullups on the shower curtain railing
that ran around the bathtub. All of a sudden, the shower rail breaks, and
he accelerates at 9.8m/s^2 downwards, impaling himself on the broomstick.
I think it ruptured his lungs and pierced his heart before he finally expired.
BUM-SUCKERING -
andyw@nugget.rmnug.org
Getting sucked off by winos for quarters, only to welsh on the payment,
especially if they've offered to let you piss in their mouths at no extra
charge.
BUTT HARP -
alanari@crocus.waterloo.edu:
The instrument of pleasure is a round ball (possibly the size of a golf ball,
depends on the hole in question) and a string that is attached to the ball.
The object of the game is to insert the ball into another's asshole and
then use a bow (from a violin or a celo) and play the string. The vibrations
caused are quite pleasurable, or so I hear...
kasha@twolf.ce.yale.edu:
I also heard of a metal ball that has a hole for a wire in it, that you
connect to some electric source, and the other end of the source to the
person involved., for electro stimulation of the anatomy in question.
I bet this could be combined with the bow to get some interesting effects.
The electric butt harp. Too bad Jimi Hendrix is not here to play it.
(so I hear....)
u9147063@cs.uow.edu.au (Richard Barry Ling) suggests a hi-fi improvement:
Why need two? The girl could play in stereo by herself.
CANCEROUS TIT-FUCKING -
hillman@carina.unm.edu (Dan Hillman):
> They will often infest severe necrotic infections. I recall a story
> here about a woman who was saved by maggots. Seems she had breast
> cancer, but it was never detected. She must have been a bit whacko,
> because it had spread through the intervening tissues and skin to
> form a rancid, rotting sore on her breast. Fortunately, she was
> no more hygenic than observant, and a fly, attracted by the stench,
> had laid eggs on her boob. And the maggots ate the cancer.
Oh yes! Just smear some of that oozing pus between her breasts and start
pumping away. How convenient, pre-lubed tit fucks!
And as the rotting hole gets deeper and deeper eventually you can just
slip the ol' meat piston in and out of there. It would be nice and tight
at first, although it would surely loosen as the flesh tears.
CATCH HUDSON RIVER TROUT -
someone shits on your chest. You possibly have a layer or two of newspaper
shielding you from the trout.
CHILI DOG SEX -
liebgold@turing.seas.ucla.edu:
The setting is a small apartment. A small man with sunken eyes is sitting on
his bed. He is naked. In his right hand he holds a steaming chili dog.
He brings the chili dog under his nose and sniffs at it's tantalizing aroma.
He licks at the pink end with the tip of his tongue. He then brings the hot
dog down to his right inner thigh. He then begins caressing slowly up to his
rock hard genitals, leaving a brown rivulet to follow. He then prods his penis
against dog. He begins pressing against the hot dog in a regular rhythm that
causes his breathing to increase in tempo. He bites down on his lower lip.
A rivulet of blood trickles down and begins collecting in the cleft of his
chin. He discharges his seed onto the hot dog. He then hold the hot dog in
front of him. His white sperm is trickling down the sides. He catches his
breath and begins conversing with his mystery meat lover.
COLOSTOMY FUCK,.COLOSTODOMY, GETTING A BIT ON THE SIDE -
jny@sactoh0.sac.ca.us (John N. Young):
You thought the hamster up the ass was a way out gross story, listen to this
one, this women was admitted to hospital with Colonitis (Cancer of the colon
I think). She had a Colostomy and was well on the way back to a normal life
(besides carrying a bag of shit with her everywhere she went) but she ended up
back in hospital after six months complaining that she was suffering from
severe pain at her colostomy bag entrance. Thinking that an infection had
started the doctors checked it out only to find that the exit hole had been
clogged with sperm - apparently her husband had been banging her colostomy
hole - nice one!
COW CUNNILINGUS -
pdj7631@summa.tamu.edu:
Well, you ever seen cows shit? That slack, gaping cloacum just yawning open,
the pungent brown sludge lazily oozing out? Well, you know that cows don't
have vaginas, just the one multi-purpose orfice. Imagine going out in a field
naked to eat out a cow, one with lots of flies buzzing around the ass, other
cows gathered around curiously adding to the aroma. The hole is so big you
can almost put your whole head in there, and you're just busily licking away,
occasionally pulling out a bemired head to breathe, jacking off with one hand,
when the cow just casually dumps a reeeally messy, sticky hot load right into
your face. The semi-liquid sewage forces its way in your mouth, up your
nostrils, down your throat, and the anus contracts, sucking your head inside,
and you're trapped, asphyxiating, coming in spurts as you die, and your naked,
cum-soaked corpse is dragged around the pasture by the head in the cow's rectum
until your parents come out in a few days, scaring off the vultures and crows,
and find it.
geoffm@purplehaze.EBay.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) comments:
Can you imagine what it'd sound like if you sneaked up behind somebody with
his head up a cow's arse and kicked him in the balls? I'd advise having a
tape recorder handy, because I'm sure the resulting muffled yelp would have a
unique timbre to it.
case@diku.dk (Steven Snedker) comments:
Well, for a nice start I would cut off its udder and let the milk a blood
splatter all over my erected nob (jerking off wildly of course), then
lick the crusty inside of the udder and put it on as a bathing cap,
and ram my head up the cows arse.
AAAAhhh...
CUNNILINGUS DURING MENSTRUATION -
self explanatory, and not necessarily tasteless. However it is possible for
two men to simulate this with some degree of authenticity, not to mention
tastelessness:
job@uk.ac.cam.cl (John Bates):
However, to simulate, my friend "man with Ginger beard" cut off his knobber
and associated equipment and opened a large gash in his lower abdomen using
a rusty blade. I lapped at this which he assured me was just like C during M-
pus and blood intermingled.
We also tried felching. That was fun too.
I would award top marks for both
cjackson@cvedg.Prime.COM comments:
Ah, the taste [of] cunilingus [during mensturation]! What's even better
is if the girlie does a fanny fart and blows blood bubbles into your face.
Possible variation -
[address withheld]:
Eating out a girl who had a yeast infection. Note this description of a
vaginal yeast infection from my high school health book, and I quote:
"Yeast infections are characterized by a thick, white, cheesy
discharge...."
Yummmm. Perfect to put on my bagel in the morning, I'd say.
DWARF HEADING -
oleg@Veritas.COM:
Excerpted without permission from S.F. Weekly, Jan 22, 1992
In the "Slapshots" column by Jack Boulware:
The Dwarves Are Back! After the three-part L.A. Law episode and
the controversy over Australian dwarf-tossing, the image of the
dwarf seems to have faded in the eye of the public in the recent months.
Not so in New York's S&M clubs, apparently. Dwarves are back --
literally. The latest twisted craze, accordding to witnesses, involves a
normal-sized man, a dwarf and an eager audience. The normal-sized
man is stripped naked and fed muscle-relaxants until his body is,
shall we say, pliable. The dwarf then enters the wings, and his
head is lubricated. Are we following so far? Without being too
graphic, let's just say the phrase "giving head" begins to take on a
whole new meaning. Fisting, gerbilling and now dwarf-heading? The
big questions here are, how do they breathe? Are they union?
DUCK JOBS -
owen@autodesk.com (D. Owen Rowley):
Don't confuse this with the *Classic* New Orleans
"Duck-job", popularized in the Bordellos of that town at the turn of the
last century.
The "Duck-job" was performed by the *john* impaling the duck in the egg canal,
holding it firmly by the wings, and then having an assistant cut off the
ducks head. Tales of one person duck-jobs exist, but apparently it required
considerable dexterity to avoid cutting oneself.
Anyway the resultant death-throws, accompanied by much flapping and kicking,
was reputed to be a favorite kink amongst those who had become jaded by the
standard fare of hookers.
gumby@Cygnus.COM (David V. Wallace):
I have it on good authority (for a member of one of the federal
security agencies) that you can do this alone by slamming the head in
a drawer at the right moment (reputedly "you get more action that
way.")
EARTHWORMING -
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM:
Looking for a new solitary sexual sensation but can't afford an Accu-Jac(tm)?
Collect a handful of earthworms (or visit your local bait shop and purchase
a pound of nightcrawlers). Place said nematodes into a plastic sandwich bag.
Add a quarter-cup of salad oil and knead lightly to distribute it evenly.
Plunge right in! And when you're done, add the contents of the bag to an
omelette.
jny@sactoh0.sac.ca.us (John N. Young):
Alternatively you can fuck a jar full of worms, for best
result stick the worms in the microwave first so they burst and
you'll have the slipperest fuck ever!
EVOLUTION -
tpehrson@javelin.sim.es.com:
To sequentially penetrate the portals in the order anal, vaginal, oral.
The transferrence of various secretions from the former two orifices onto the
wand serves as virtual "love potion" for the third.
FECALLATIO -
administration of a blow job to a turd. No verified cases of this on record.
clear@cavebbs.gen.nz (Charlie Lear) notes:
Of course not. Nobody who has ever had a turd cum in their mouth has lived.
FELCH -
banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM:
Well, Claire, say your sweetie, during an afternoon tryst of animal lust,
decides to do some back door work. Now, after he's released the fruit of his
family jewels, and you're still tied firmly face down on the kitchen table
with his leather neckties, Studmuffin whips out a crazy straw. He then proceeds
to suck out and ingest his recent deposit from your bum.
You have just been felched.
And yes, you asked for it.
FISHBOWL -
the head is inserted in an appropriately sized fishbowl. Someone defecates
onto the fishbowl so that the logs may be seen drooling off the side.
FISH MASTURBATION -
<Anonymous>
Has anyone out there ever tried to jack off using a big fresh trout or some
other fish. Seems to me that it would be quite an experience. Might be a
slight problem with the teeth of the fish though...
GASTRODOMY, FIZZLE DICKING, ACID BATH FOR THE MAN WITH THE HELMET -
smmcafee@pace5.cts.mtu.edu (SEAN M. MCAFEE):
I've lost all but the attribution on this one, so the definition is my fault.
Banging a fistula leading directly into someone's stomach.
GERBILING, HIDING THE HAMSTER -
-Arctangent, arctngnt@amiganet.chi.il.us (Bowie J. Poag):
"Gerbiling" is taking a cardboard tube, or something, like the tube off a roll
of paper towels, or toilet paper, inserting it lengthwise into your ass, and
putting a gerbil in the tube to crawl in it, and make himself a nice warm home
in your ass. The gerbils like it. The extremo-fags like it as well, because
the gerbil twitches around and stuff.
interpol@casbah.acns.nwu.edu volunteers a case history:
I was doing an emergency room rotation at Northwestern Memorial Hospital one
night last month - not doing much, just messing around. I noticed that all
the residents on duty were huddled together, talking, whispering, and
laughing. When I asked them what as up, they told me.
Some guy had come into the ER with a gerbil up his butt that he couldn't get
out, but that wasn't the worst of it. He'd also experienced massive pain a
little while after he had inserted the rodent. What had happened was, *the
gerbil had chewed and clawed its way through the man's sigmoid colon and ended
up inside his pelvic cavity.* Apparently, the guy didn't bind the thing with
duct tape or anything...anyway, he had to get the thing surgically removed,
plus deal with the fact that he may have gotten a massive infection inside his
normally sterile abdominal cavity.
GERBILING VARIATIONS -
smmcafee@pace4.cts.mtu.edu:
Rectal warts? Sounds like the result of sticking a toad up the ol' anus.
Perhaps we've stumbled on a creative variation of gerbilling (toadilling?).
clear@cavebbs.gen.nz:
A weta (pron. "wetter") is a very large insect, up to four or so inches
long. They look like a giant grasshopper, with the addition of spikes
all over and bloody great claws, and mandibles that casually munch
through hardwood. They are reasonably intelligent (for insects) and
know of their potential for freaking out people. The bunnyhuggers always
pick up wetas to show how harmless they are - you can guarantee that the
bastards have never been bitten by one.
(clear@cavebbs.gen.nz quoting "Steve Withers"):
You're lucky......back in 1985 I awoke twice in three weeks - once in
Wellington and once in Kaitaia - to find a weta (different one in each
place, mind you) trying *vigorously* (or so it seemed at the time!) to
enter my anal orifice.
bdb@becker.UUCP (Bruce Becker):
Gerbilling, besides the more widely publicised method, is sometimes also
performed with the nasal orifices due to the mucus membranes present.
Honorable Mention: keller@hubble.ifa.hawaii.edu (Tim Keller)
The only definition that I (and the guys I work with, I took a survey) have
ever heard for felching was the practice of sticking live gerbils up your
ass...I suppose you could combine the two: ejaculate in another mans anus
stick a gerbil up there, pull the gerbil out and lick the fur clean.
Can't say that I have ever talked to anyone who practices felching in either
form, maybe that explains my ignorance.
HICKEYS -
2frjscabby@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu:
On my floor at the dorm this guy had a single room with a live in girlfriend/
houseguest. They were soon voted most grossest couple on the floor (in
the world) One day he comes out in the hall to show us something.
He pulls up his shirt to reveal a huge unbroken heart made of dark red
hickeys. Just the sight of that sunken white chest is gross enough
but that hickey-heart was the worst. Then she pokes her head out and
grins. Her tounge had turned black from sucking.
HOT DOGS UP THE JACKSEY -
banta@abingdon.Eng.Sun.COM:
What is it with vaginal blood farts? Having seen, heard, smelled
and tasted same, there are far more vile things in this world I can
think of. Hotdogs come to mind ...
Nobody cares what hotdogs are made of as long as they are considered
foodstuffs. With that consideration, most people feel safe in
stuffing them into one or more bodily orifices. It's a well
known and not terribly disputed fact that almost half the hot dogs
sold in this country are used as makeshift marital aids. This
figure shoots way over 50% for "Ball Park Franks" brand. With a
slogan like "they plump when you cook 'em", you can well imagine.
Just keep in mind that for single men and women on a budget, hot
dogs are a boon. You get that meaty partner you so miss, there is
no PG&E bill generated in the heating of the food, and condiments
aren't needed, since the warmed weener already has a special sauce
that you won't find in Hienz' 57 varieties. For the people with
one or more partners (or the very lithe), the dog can be served
between piping hot buns.
INTRAURETHRAL COCAINE ADMINISTRATION -
[apparently I lost the attribution]:
This was written up in the JAMA (vol. 259, no. 21 if anybody cares to
look it up, page 3126) A brief summary of what the article says:
A 34 year old man was admitted to a hospital for priapism (sustained
erection, apparently quite painful and dangerous) and paraphimosis (got
me...). He had been injecting cocaine intraurethrally for several weeks in
order to enhance sexual performance.
After three days in the hospital, the two problems disappeared, he had
ecchymoses (purpling of skin due to exploded vessels) on his left foot,
which quickly spread to his genitals, forelimbs, back and chest. He became
febrile (feverish) and developed small bullae (blisters) on the echymoses.)
The diagnosis was disseminated intravascular coagulation (sci.med???) after
several tests.
They gave him all sorts of good drugs. On the twelfth day, he was moved
to the hospital's burn unit due to necrosis (tissue death) over the ecchymotic
areas. Under anethesia, extensive debridement (surigcal excision of dead,
devitalized, tissue from a wound) and a cystostomy (sci.med again??) were
performed.
Bilateral above-the-knee amputations were performed due to gangrene.
Examination showed extensive necrosis of skin, muscles, and subcutaneous
tissue (below outer layer of skin) and thrombophlebitis (inflamation of vein &
clot in vessel) of his popliteal (behind knee joint) and femoral (primary
artery of thigh) arteries. He underwent extensive skin grafting, amputation
of *nine* pregangrenous fingers (I wonder which one they left him) and
autoamputation (it fell off) of his necrotic penis.
John_Cavallino@uchfm.bsd.uchicago.edu adds an explanation of medical terms:
paraphimosis -
This is when the foreskin gets pulled back behind the head of the penis but
then can't be retracted due to swelling. Just like a built-in tourniquet...
disseminated intravascular coagulation -
This means he had blood clots that spread throughout his body, clogging up
his blood vessels and causing parts of his body to die.
Oh, by the way, the guy died.
LARD SHAGGING -
While working in a fast-food restaurant, taking a cardboard container of
lard, punching a dick-sized hole in the side, fucking the hole, then replacing
the container on the shelf to be used in cooking. Yum!
case@diku.dk comments:
Ah yes, a good one, as some has a glans too sensitive for the juices in melons
or pumpkins in which it it also customary among lonely men to drill fuck
orifices. The best vagina I can think of is a big slab of raw liver. Wrap it
around your cock, and keep it there with rubberbands. You can then just mast
with it or put it on some vibrating machinery and fuck it. You might want to
heat it a bit before you start. Ok orgasms.
LEG TAG -
smith-jeff@CS.YALE.EDU (Jeff Smith):
When I was in junior high, my cousin had a male dog named Rusty who would
get very horny whenever we (the cousin and I) wrestled or played rough.
Being the tasteless youths we were, we invented the game of "Leg Tag". We
would push each other around and make a lot of noise, until the dog would
come into the room. Then, the point of the game would be to manuver the
other guy into position to get his leg humped by the dog. The one who got
the fruit of the dog's passion spent on his shin lost. Simple, yet highly
entertaining.
LOVE BACONS -
case@diku.dk:
This is also the case with the kinky amourous game, played by happily wimpering
single men called LOVE BACONS. Simply pull the slices of bacon out of the
wrapper, wrap it around your cock and get going.
MAINLINE -
defecation directly into another's mouth. Some may not like this:
2frjscabby@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu:
At a big drunken house party, my friend was hitting on a girl and
managed to maneuver her into a bed room. He was in there for some
time making his friends a bit worried. When he finally came out he
had a baaaad look on his face. Asked how it went he said, "AWWW, she
shit on me." No, really, how'd it go? "She SHIT on me! SHIT! SHIT!
SHIT! Nasty, loose, diarhea! I was eating her out and she spewed butt
chunks all over my face and in my mouth!!! SHIT!!!"
MASTURBATING USING THE BELT OF SOME POWER MACHINERY DURING LUNCH HOUR -
See William A. Morton, _Medical_Aspects_of_Human_Sexuality_, July 1991,
"Unusual Case" column. Has anyone seen this reference? Pertinent excerpts:
Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the
machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself
with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch
staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.
.
.
.
An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at
lunchtime with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the
regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the
canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery. One day,
as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too
close to the belt. When his scrotum became caught between the pulley-
wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few
feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too
stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed
work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self gratification.
MAYONAISSING -
case@freja.diku.dk:
Eating the acne on your teenage boyfriends shoulders as you buttfuck him.
2frjscabby@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu:
My friend was mashing with a girl in a dark bedroom. He got her shirt
off and maneuvered down to suck her tits. After sucking on her nipple for
a minute he tasted some liquid in his mouth. Surpised, he flipped on the
light. Turns out he wasn't sucking her nipple at all---IT WAS A BOIL!!!!
MUDFUCKING -
jaywb@juliet.caltech.edu (Bromley, Jay W.):
So has anyone ever fucked the earth? Really, I mean just gone outside and
been so inspired by nature's beauty that you just had to have her right
away? I mean think, how many people can say that they screwed a 6
trillion trillion ton woman?
Personally I enjoy a good, dark loam type of soil, just dig a hole the
right size and plunge right in. Mud flats must be really good, but I
haven't had a chance to try them yet. Especially good is right at sunrise,
when the dew is still on the grass, giving you a real slipping sliding good
time. Damn, I'm horny again...
Try it, you'll like it.
NECKING, RETRO-FELLATIO, STOMA BLOWJOB, DEEP THROAT -
bgribble@jarthur.claremont.edu (Bill Gribble):
I had a dream last night that my grandmother was blowing me. Nothing too
unusual about that. The good part is that she has a stoma - a hole in
her throat about adam's apple level. I was fucking her in the stoma and
she was sucking my dick as it curved up her throat into her mouth.
Nice gurgling noises, but nothing too spectacular.
daz@hal.gnu.ai.mit.edu suggests variations:
Obviously there are two major variations... fucking downward into their throat,
or (probably much perferably) going back up into their mouth. That way they
might even be able to use their tounge to help get you off and couple swallow
the sperm back down onto your dick. Better yet... they could eat all sorts of
solids and liquids and pass them past your dick as you fucked them.
Having them giving a blow job while you do this sounds cute, but I
think the sensation of feeling them swallow a large *warm* pile of fresh
shit while you pound your meet in and out thrusting in the opposite
direction of the shit's movement would create a very memorible opinion.
I'd suggest a GIF of someone's penis urinating out of someone's
shit-covered mouth would be great thing to have, but I've been told that
gold showers are illegal photograph in the U.S.A. Go figure...
NECK-ROPHILIA, VENTRILOJISM, THORAXING, THROGGING -
vinniej@sco.COM:
Well, the old-timers in this area may recall that Santa Cruz in the early
1970's had the dubious distinction of being the "Mass Murder Capital
of The World," due to a string of 3 multiple murders right around the
first part of the decade. As usual, I digress.........
One of the stars of this festival of carnage was a very large man
who killed several young women, but toward the end he killed his
mother, and in the delicate phrasing of one of the many books written
on the subject of the murders, "...after decapitation, he inserted his
penis repeatedly in the cavity of her throat...."
In other words, he lopped his mum's head off and FUCKED HER NECK!!!
saunders@luther.che.wisc.edu:
It may be important to distinguish between insertion into the trachea vs
esophagus. Just imagine the untold pleasure as your engorged ManTool[tm]
rasps repeatedly over the vocal chords
NOSTRILLATIO -
case@diku.dk:
Close one of your nostrils with a finger, and poke a bit around your partners
slit with your nose, mumbling words of affection. Then place your open nostril
over her clit and violently snort it up, and get headbanging. The girl will
experience the wildest orgasms, and you might even be rewarded with a wet one in
the mouth. It is said to enhance her pleasure if you have caught a cold.
Works best with long clitorises. Half an inch is generally regarded
as minimum in the buisness, but a fully erect one incher is fabulous.
NUBBING -
jennyg@titan.ucc.umass.edu (Jenny Gutbezahl):
Unlike squicking, nubbing does not require a ManTool (tm). Rather the nubber
lines up their anus with the vagina of the nubbee, and lets loose a turd, hope-
fully a nice solid Lincoln Log of a turd, as one of those LiquiShits (tm)
really won't serve much purpose here.
It's called "nubbing" because of the small brown nub that peeks thru the lips
when you are done.
rorschak@daimi.aau.dk (Jesper Lauridsen):
When the essential nubbing is done one could add to the pleasure by letting
the (male) nubber turn around and insert his ManTool (TM) into the nubbee
for a turn of the good old in-out. This will ensure that the log's position
is further secured. Bonus points are given if nubbee is pregnant.
And you wonder why there are so many shitheads born these days?
When this gets to boring nubber could eat nubbee out (looks really nice
if nubbee is having her period). Ahh, the possibilities are countless.
NUMB-FUCK -
blu@cellar.org (Dan Reed):
Take a tube of Anbesol (Mouth medicine, for those painful canker
sores, and tooth aches, it has a numbing effect), and get the type
that comes in a small sqeezeable tube. Cut off the end of the tube as
your supposed to do, now stick the tube in the end of your dick, and
squeeze the tube! Fuck, blow you load, preferably in a females mouth
OR vaginal area, and let HER find out what you have done. Great for
both partners.
PEARL NECKLACES -
smmcafee@pace5.cts.mtu.edu:
The Pearl Necklace -- This is when the gal is sucking off the guy, and just
prior to ejaculation, the guy removes his member from his partner's maw
and decorates her neck with multiple globules of jism.
agbrooks@teaching.cs.adelaide.edu.au adds:
This is generally the result of a tit fuck, rather than a blowjob.
jacob@alliant.com (Lou Jacob) adds to that:
I prefer to give a Pearl Monacle whenever possible...
PIPEFITTING -
meb2@cec2.wustl.edu:
If you like that, apparently there are some sex-jaded men who stretch
the opening of their penises to accomodate another man's penis. I think it
would be just as easy to come up with a male-male penis connector.
nevyn@nacjack.gen.nz (Nevyn) [Hamlet is a male Great Dane dog]:
O.K., doesn't leave much huh? Well, here is the theory, and
practice. The shaft of Hamlet's dick is almost the same diameter as my
dick. But the opening of his sheath can stretch further than that, as
sometimes, before his knot is fully swollen it can pass through the
opening. (though not when it is fully engorged). Therefore, in theory,
my dick can pass through the opening, and I could screw his sheath.
In practise, it wasn't quite that easy. Having just mounted me,
his dick shrank back to it's un-aroused state, and retreated into it's
sheath. How to get my dick in there after it? After a few trial and
errors, Hamlet lay on his back, with me sitting on his chest. If you
can imagine trying to put a condom on while you are wearing boxing gloves,
I think you may come close to the trouble I had trying to pull the
opening of his sheath over the end of my dick. God, it was frustrating!!
However, perversion wins, as it always must in the end, and patience is
rewarded. I probably can't describe the actual mechanics very well, but
here goes:- grasping Hamlets sheath with one hand, I managed to bunch
the tip of my foreskin with the other hand, and sort of stuff it into the
opening. Then it was quite a simple matter of pulling his sheath over my
dick, while allowing it to pull my foreskin back. I was IN! It
surprised me so, that I just sat back for a bit and looked. Hamlet seemed
quite happy, I mean there was enough room in there for my dick, and his,
without forcing. Then I simply rubbed my dick through his sheath.
I came quite quickly, and was pleased to see that his sheath
sealed around my dick, so none seeped out, until I pulled out later.
Hamlet was happy to clean up the semen that was seeping from his
sheath.
pony@stable.internet.org:
Some years ago I 'experimented' with screwing horses sheaths. Since horses
are harder to roll over than dogs I tried bending myself over backwards
underneath the geldings. It did work, and felt quite interesting with
the added warmth and the feeling of soft fur under my hands as I stroked
myself through the horses sheath. But I generally found that the horses
that were large enough for me to bend back underneath were too large for
me to effectively stroke myself inside. Also, most horses have quite a
lot of fat lining their sheaths which made things feel 'vague'. After a
few months of experimenting I gave up on it.
wolf@netcom.com:
Now that's odd. I've tried screwing horses' sheaths, and I really like it.
The first time I did it, I had jacked this horse off, and he had squirted
a little on my dick. I figured, if he can make me messy, I'll do the same
to him. By the time I decided to give it a try, he had retracted, so I
just sort of followed it on inside. I too enjoy the warmth and fur, but
I guess I enjoy the feel of the inside of a horse's sheath quite a bit more.
PUPPY LOVE -
9125113g@lux.latrobe.edu.au:
Something I've been meaning to try: Take a small art knife, and a puppy
(This stunt, BTW, is called "puppy love"). Tie the puppy down to the
bench. Use the knife to incise a large "X" in the flesh of it's
backside. Then whip out your ManTool [tm] and root the poor screaming
puppy to pieces.
I can imagine the blood and screaming would be quite a turn-on...
RUSHING -
smmcafee@mtu.edu (Sean McAfee):
Several weeks ago, I tuned in to Rush Limbaugh to find him just finishing up
a report about a guy who could only become sexually aroused by "passing
Barbie heads". Not sure, but I think something on the order of 27 doll heads
were removed from his digestive tract at the local hospital.
SCREWING A LIVE PIG UP THE ASS AND THEN CUTTING ITS THROAT -
oshaughj@p4.cs.man.ac.uk (Jamie O'Shaughnessy):
Screwing a pig (live) up the arse while it is having it's throat
cut and it's blood spews all over you.
SCROG, AURAL SEX -
sex with another's ear hole.
SCRONKING -
pashdown@javelin.sim.es.com (Pete Ashdown):
scronking: v. The act of inserting the male genitalia up the throat of
trachiotomy patient, or torsoless head. Derived from "screw" and "honking",
due to the similar look of a honking goose; eyes bulged, mouth wide open, with
a fully erect "toungue-like" object protruding between the gaping teeth.
Sound effects optional.
kevin@howdy.cc.columbia.edu (Kevin Harris):
I don't know, but for some reason, when I say this word aloud,
I visualize a very old dog - hemorrhoids inflamed - *scooting*
almost audibly across a dusty, glass - strewn vacant lot in the
heat of a summer's day.
tclark@Apple.COM (Tom Clark):
Sounds like a good description for getting shit on while going in
the back door:
"So I was screwing her in the ass and she SCRONKED all over me!"
raj@netcom.com (Roger Lee):
isn't that when a woman pile-drives a corpse of a drowned man?
01sybok@ac.dal.ca:
In order to "skronk" you need a male vict^H^H^H^H partner. You yourself have to
be a female (this could be the female equivalent to "squicking"). What you do
is tie said male up, and gently sever the scrotal sac from the body, making sure
the spermatic cords are still intact. You then use the contents of said
spermatic sac as the organic equivalent of Ben-Wa Balls. Of course, as the
lovely lady begins to writhe with pleasure, she would almost certainly start to
strain on the spermatic cords, thus causing her "little friend" even more agony.
Just as the first waves of agony from the severing of the scrotum begins to die
down, the agony from the tugs on the spermatic chords would begin.
perez@mgr.hjf.org (Charles Perez):
How about the attempt to pork someone's head through his nose? You will
probably need to cut some or all of the nose away, and your prick
will have to be smaller than average. How much cranium would get in
the way? Gives new meaning to the term "boning".
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM:
As I mentioned several months ago, this is best done with a severe
cocaine addict whose nasal septum has been eaten away, thereby creating
one large nostril in place of two small ones -- thus enabling the
individual to accomodate an erect penis.
I didn't apply a name to this activity at the time, but "scronking" makes
an unusually good fit because it reflects the noise the person would
probably make as the turgid Pleasure Piston (tm) plunged in and out of his
nasal cavity -- sort of a hollow, donkey-like gurgling. "Fnork, fnork,"
something along those lines.
The nose hairs might have to be trimmed back prior to insertion, unless
a large amount of mucus is present. In that case, the nose hairs would
tend to enhance lubricity rather than detract from it, and would add an
extra cilia-like dimension to the sensations received. This effect would
be maximized if the mucus in question was the thick, yellow variety that's
present during severe head colds -- the kind that resembles Lepage's
mucilage or perhaps Elmer's wood glue.
A condom would of course be advised unless the active individual was a
regular partner. Gonorrhea of the sinuses is particularly difficult to
detect in its early stages, when treatment with industrial-strength
antibiotics is most effective.
Also, it must be noted that the recipient of said affections would be at
increased risk for labial bruises resulting from repetitive scrotal impact.
jjj@merlin.anu.edu.au:
How about the act of drilling the appropriate sized hole into a rock
and employing said hole in a sexual manner? Think of the rough particles
massaging every bit of your ManTool (TM). Think of being one with the rock.
Think of your blood lubricating the hole, making it more pleasurable.
SCROTUM INSUFFLATION -
A small slit is cut in the skin of the scrotum. A tube is inserted, and the
scrotum is inflated. Said to cause unspeakable pleasure. Bonus points because
this can be life threatening due to air embolisms and nasty infections.
Real name unknown.
SIXTY-NINING A STARVED PIG -
case@diku.dk:
I'd suggest you got into a 69 with a starved pig, then you can bite it in its
balls while it consumes your nob.
SKULL FUCK, BRAIN SALAD SURGERY -
sex with a hole in someone's skull: possibly an empty eye-socket, possibly
the result of a trepanation. This act may entail risk of catching "kufu".
SLIPPING THE SALAMI TO A SUCKING CHEST WOUND -
self explanatory.
SLUGGING -
kurt@grogatch.celestial.com (Kurt Cockrum):
The snot exuded by some species of slugs up here in the Pacific Northwest
is the most tenacious stuff I've ever seen; it's a bitch getting it off of
your hands. If you put the critter in the microwave for about 10 seconds,
so that it's internal temparature gets up to about blood heat, and then let
it crawl around for a while on the head of your dick, you can fix yourself
up just fine with a "permalube" that will last at least as long as the teflon
coating on aluminum frying pans. The best part, of course, is that it's a
renewable resource! "Cold freaks" can, of course, skip the microwave step.
Works best if you have not been circumcised, as the foreskin aids in preserving
the slippery coating, and annoying particulates are less of a problem.
SPITOONING -
dekel-elan@CS.YALE.EDU:
Well, I've always heard that HIV can be carried in saliva, but to be
sure of catching it from someone, you have to drink a couple of
gallons of the stuff.
SPOOGEMELON -
bsc7@po.CWRU.Edu:
An old friend of mine recently recommended experiencing sexual congress with
a watermelon. "Just cut a hole in the rind, and go to town..." When you're
done, what you'd have is a piping hot SPOOGEMELON! A real Southern delicacy.
SQUICKING -
To be squicked is simply to be turned off by a BDSM activity. Like
"The whips were great, but when you used the metal-tipped cane that
squicked me". Or "I enjoy pain, but blood squicks me". It's the point
(different for everyone) at which excitement and risk turn to either
`ewww, grosssss' or `shit, that _hurts_!'.
Definitely not the same as "skull fucking":
geoffm@purplehaze.Corp.Sun.COM (Geoff Miller) comments about skull fucking
and possible equivalence to squicking:
I posted that a year ago, and I *made it up!* I just figured that was
the only activity that would make a "squicking" noise, with the possible
exception of slipping the salami to a sucking chest wound. (We've heard
of water in the lung. But how would a doctor react when he realized
that someone had *jism* in his lung? I don't think even Rod Stewart could
top that!)
Honorable mentions:
smith-jeff@CS.YALE.EDU:
When you squick someone (or something), you must trephan it (cut a hole in
the skull) on the center-line of the skull. Then, you proceed the fuck their
brain - actually you fuck the gap dividing the two hemispheres - killing your
partner in the process. Average orgasms.
tpehrson@javelin.sim.es.com:
There seems to be a definite gender-bias in the alt.tasteless preferred sex
act, as it provides an orifice for penetration--neglecting the needs of
females who are not adapted for such actions (without the addition of strap-on
hardware; however, stimulation is still at a loss).
Merely create an opening at the rear base of the skull and retrieve the
mother-of-all-phallisees, the medulla oblongata. 'nuff sed.
SOGGY COOKIE, SOGGY BISCUIT, SOGGY CRACKER, BUTTER THE TOAST -
A group of males circle around a cookie, cracker or biscuit. All masturbate,
aiming ejaculate at cookie, cracker or biscuit. Last one to ejaculate eats
the cookie, cracker, biscuit or toast.
SUCKING SOMEONE OFF THEN DOING THE HEAVE -
dirk@iastate.edu (Drik Tengly):
Then there's another friend of mine, a female. (name withheld
'cause some netters may know her. heh) who was drunk, and stoned,
and was sucking this guy off in a cemetary and she went to swallow
but wound up doing the heave. heh.
SWANNING -
case@diku.dk:
Who haven't been standing there with their tongue up a swans tight, moist
wrinkly anus and wished for something more? Wished for some genuine
mano-a-swano contact, that wouldn't split the noble bird or mutilate your bent
modesty? And the beak has always been in the way, obstructing every romantic
move you might have made in order to stuff your cock down the swans throat.
Though it's great fun, it won't do much good just to smash the damned beak with
a brick, as there will always be some shards left that inevitably will puncture
your swollen member. You'll also have trouble pulling the beak off with a pair
of pliers, so most swanlovers recommend that you saw it off, then file it smooth
and round. And Halleluja! Then you have at least 15 inches of swanthroat to
fulfill your wildest desires, just hold on to the swans head right at the root
of your penis and the swan will do the rest of the job, even do all the grunts
of pleasure that you may be too busy to perform. To those of you who have a fear
for this strong and mighty bird, the swan lovers association wisely advice
'..Do bring two or three plasticbags, as your feathered lover might try to
escape or even hurt you with its powerful wings.'. This method works perfectly,
and I have succesfully kept a beakless swan alive for two weeks in a duct taped
plasticbag. We had the most wild and crazy sex every night, and when it finally
died there was enough shit in the bag for me to fill my mouth three times.
TRAKADICK -
ck@iconix.oz.au (Chris Karadaglis):
Trakadick (v) : to repeatedly insert your mantool(tm) into the
trachea of a decapitated body.
TEA BAGGING -
smcafee@jarthur.claremont.edu:
Another custom my roommate has described to me is known as "tea-bagging".
This is when a guy squats over a babe's waiting mouth, and proceeds to
repeatedly dip his testicles into her salivating orifice. NO, has hasn't
done it to me (thank God).
case@diku.dk (Steven Snedker) comments:
On teabagging I think it's also worth to note that the girl should wear goggels
if you've had spicy food the day before. I for one fart like a madman when I
have sex and she might go blind if you've had chili in tabasco sauce. The
objects lodged in your anus could also prove dangerous to the poor girl; it's
not nice to get a broomstick in the eye.
TEA ROOM TRADE -
rpotter@halibut.cis.upenn.edu, stcmille@copper.ucs.indiana.edu:
having sex through a hole in a bathroom stall ...
THE STOOL GAME -
case@diku.dk:
THE STOOL GAME
official rules
Two men sit in front of each other in a bathtub wanking. When the spunk/
water amount is 50:50, you start playing. Both put their feet on the sides
of the bathtub, and try to push their stool as far out as they can,
without losing it. It's extremely funny pushing it far out, then pulling it
in again, and many expierience a wonderful orgasm during this play.
The winner is the man that can push the stool the most far out, and then
still be able to retract it.
One suggested variation (sorry, I lost that post so I can't give proper credit)
is to trade a stool back and forth, the loser being the one to "drop" the
stool.
TIJUANA WALK-OFF, HEXAPODALITY:
HCHA8904593X@LUST2.LATROBE.EDU.AU (PERRETT, ANDREW):
I have been informed how to perpetrate hexapodiality.. take one large fly
(blowie's as they are called by those in the know) store in safe place. Run
bath so that an erect penis forms an island. Rremove flys wings place on
'island' free to roam.. for the truelly cruelly tasteless.
kellsworth@pbs.org (Col. Dennis Bloodnok, O.B.E.):
The objective in this exercise is to be stimulated to orgasm by the walking
fly such that the poor thing is plastered to the ceiling by the ejaculate.
I tried this with a banana slug recently, but I wouldn't recommend it on
a regular basis!
t89par@tdb.uu.se (Par Svensson) adds:
The thrill, and therefore also the pleasure, would increase a lot if you
replaced the harmless insect with i.e. a wingless African killer bee.
The sensation of being stung by a poisonous creature in the very moment of
orgasm must be somewhat like the bizarre desire to strangle somebody,
your partner or yourself when ejaculation.
TIK-JACK -
blu@cellar.org (Dan Reed):
Another while on the subject is to place a 'tik-tak' in the end of
your dick, and get a blow job. When you come, your partner will have
a "minty fresh treat"! Yum!
TRANS-URINATION, REVERSE ENURESIS -
two catheters are attached to the ends of a tube. The catheters are
inserted into two people's urethra's, and they trade urine. Steroid abusing
athletes often have this done to be able to piss fresh, sweet, clean, urine
into the testing jar.
TWELVE STOREY FACE FUCK -
jmmoelan@cs.vu.nl (Moelands JM):
Ejaculating in your girlfriends face when you're standing on the balcony
of your room on the 12th floor and she is standing outside the building.
It needs a lot of practice before you can perform this.
URETHRA SEX -
9125113g@lux.latrobe.edu.au (Mitchell Davis ):
About .5% of women have an extended urethra opening, and
with practise (although this is not recommended) this
can be used as an alternative sexual "interface",
especially in older women after their skin starts to lose elasticity.
VACUUM FUCK, POWER MASTURBATION -
larry@rock.psl.nmsu:
I remember a story about some fellow who was into masturbating
with his shop vac. Supposedly, you get a good flutter going, and it is
pretty satisfying, and best of all: "There's no fuss no muss - everything
is just whisked away." according to him.
However he cautioned not to use a high power vaccuum cleaner. He said that
he had done so once and the suction was so great it pulled his penis and
scrotum into the nozzle, "nearly pulling my balls off" he said, until he
somehow managed to switch it off. Then he had to muster all his effort
to extract himself from the nozzle and found that the entire area was
thoroughly scraped and scratched. The pain was tremendous.
Knowing how filthy the nozzle of a vaccum cleaner would be and thinking
about his open wound, he looked for a way to sterilize it, and found a
bottle of Mennen Skin Bracer, which he dutifully poured over his groin
area.
thf2@ellis.uchicago.edu (Ted Frank) adds:
Check out the July 5, 1980 issue of the British Medical Journal for more
details.
VAGINAL INFLATION, CUNNIBUBBLING, PUSSY POPPING -
bruce allen ediger:
One of my friends told me that her drug dealer's girlfriend told my friend
that women could get unspeakable pleasure if you inflate a balloon to bursting
inside her vagina.
tabn3@isuvax.iastate.edu:
But they would have to be the long, thin ones that they use to make balloon
animals with to get the full effect, it seems. Just think about it... stick
it in her vagina all the way up to the opening of the balloon and then slowly
inflate. While it inflates, the length of it will slowly drive her into
unbearable ecstasy! If she hasn't had an orgasm by the time it's fully
inflated, slide it in and out for a while until she's about to have one.
Then just as she's about to have it, blow it up inside her! It'll send her
WAY over the top!