Subject: Thrasher Girls VI - "Flashbacks" Thrasher Girls VI "Flashbacks" Subject - Rhonda Barnes Attending: Dr. Bronwen Session One Bronwen: Hello, Rhonda. Ronni: Yeah, hi .. Bronwen: You look tired. Have you been sleeping? Ronni: Not really. It's kind of hard when the chick in the bed next to me is talking to Jesus all night. You think if you were talking to God and he could hear everything you were thinking, you wouldn't have to talk so fucking loud, you know. Bronwen: Does prayer bother you? Ronni: No, this fucking place bothers me. Bronwen: Really, why is that? Ronni: Listen, lady, don't try the psych shit on me, okay ..? Save it for all the skizzies. I'm just here coz my mom put me here. That's it. Bronwen: And why do you think she put you here? Ronni: So I wouldn't go to juvie. Duh! Bronwen: You've been here how long now, Rhonda? Ronni: Three Days .. yeah, three days .. three full days. Bronwen: You seem agitated. Maybe we could do something to relax. What do you say? Ronni: Okay, I'm game. What did you have in mind? Bronwen: Well, what do you do to relax? We could try that. Ronni: I like my puss licked, you know, real slow .. and kissed, real soft. Bronwen: Pardon me? Ronni: You want me to relax, you can eat me, okay . .? Bronwen: Rhonda I really think we need to set some boundaries here .. Ronni: Good idea. Here's my boundary. You call me by my fucking name, okay. Bronwen: Okay ..? Ronni: My name's ronni. Not Rhonda, ronni. Bronwen: And why is that so important to you? Ronni: Because it's my fucking name. How would you fucking feel if I called you 'Cunt,' cunt. Bronwen: Language is very important to you, isn't it? Ronni: It's what I speak .. you know, communication? You should fucking try it sometime. Bronwen: I've been reading your stories, the ones you put on the web. Ronni: Usenet .. Bronwen: Pardon me? Ronni: I don't put my stories on 'the web,' I post them on usenet. There's a big fucking difference. The web is for lamers and hermans who pay for their perversion. I'm on usenet .. newsgroups. We don't pay for shit. Bronwen: Okay ..? Ronni: You have no fucking clue what I'm talking about, do you ,,? Bronwen: As far as computers go, no, I don't. I do know about your stories, though, and your e-mails. The juvenile authorities forwarded me your file. Ronni: Yeah, after they jacked off to it. Bronwen: And why do you say that? Ronni: Listen, you think I don't know what fucking goes on around here. Bronwen: I'm not sure what you're talking about. Ronni: Did you ever hear of Karen Kaczinski? Bronwen: No, why don't you tell me about her ..? Ronni: I thought you were supposed to be some big expert. Bronwen: Why don't you just tell me about this Karen Kaczinski? Ronni: You should fucking know who Karen Kaczinski is. Don't you fucking watch the news? Bronwen: I'm sorry, ronni, I don't know who this person is. Why don't you just tell me, okay ..? Ronni: She's a girl I know .. from West High. Bronwen: And how did you meet? Ronni: The coffee bar, I guess .. yeah .. Bronwen: Magic Beans. Ronni: Oo, you did read my stories. Bronwen: Yes, that's your hang out, isn't it ..? Ronni: Whatever ..? Bronwen: You were telling me about Karen. Ronni: Yeah, she and her peeps did porno vids. Bronwen: Pornographic video tapes ..? Ronni: Yeah .. Bronwen: She'd watch them ..? Ronni: No, she fucking made them .. her and her peeps .. they made pornos. Bronwen: This was a friend of yours ..? Ronni: No, I didn't know her that well. I just met her a few times. We were going to hook up, but we never did. Bronwen: You wanted to make pornographic videos with this girl? Ronni: I was thinking about it. I mean it was a pretty rad idea. She's like my age .. 15, these guys were like 17 and 18, I guess. But she got busted last year for making kiddie porn. Bronwen: I see .. Ronni: No, you fucking don't. The shit made it in all the newspapers and they even did some story on CNN. Fucking bullshit! Bronwen: What, ronni? What exactly is 'bullshit'? Ronni: Bullshit from the Quo .. Bronwen: The 'Quo'? Ronni: The status quo .. Bronwen: Okay ..? Ronni: FUCKING bullshit .. Bronwen: I'm still not sure I'm following you. Ronni: Fucking Quo bullshit, you know, "underage" girls can't possibly want to fuck anybody. They couldn't possibly want to do pornos. They must be being raped, or exploited. Either that, or they're fucking criminals .. or crazy. Bronwen: And you don't think this Karen girl did anything wrong? Ronni: What? She fucked some guys on video, and just because she's not the 'magic age of 18,' all of the sudden she's into kiddie porn. Big fucking outlaw gangster .. Bronwen: This Karen girl was under the age of consent obviously. There is a law against minors having sex on film and those images being sold. It's there to protect young people. Are you telling me you think child pornography should be made legal? Ronni: She's 15. She's my fucking age. She can decide who she wants to fuck, and who she doesn't. Bronwen: And you don't think she did anything wrong? Ronni: I take it you do. Bronwen: Minors shouldn't be having sex, certainly not on film for adults to view. Yes, I think that's wrong. What really matters, though, is what you think? Ronni: Well, I think it's bullshit. It was her decision. Nobody was forcing her. She did it for fucking kicks and cash. No one got hurt. Bronwen: You don't think this hurt her? Ronni: What? Bronwen: Selling her own innocence, her own sexuality? Putting all that on videotape for hundreds, maybe thousands of people to watch for years and years to come. You don't think that's harming anyone? Ronni: The only people it hurt were you people. Bronwen: And what 'people' would that be? Ronni: Adults. Bronwen: Maybe you could explain that .. Ronni: None of you made any money off it. Some 15-year-old girl makes her own pornos, and you bust her ass coz she didn't make any of you any money .. coz she's 15 years old, and she did it herself. Bronwen: I'm sure that's not why she was arrested. Ronni: Really? You think? Bronwen: You appear to be very angry about this. Ronni: No shit, sherlock. Bronwen: Maybe you could explain your anger. Let's start with your anger towards adults .. Ronni: Fucking pigs .. Bronwen: Adults? Ronni: No, cops. Bronwen: The police ..? Ronni: BULLSHIT MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKERS I WANT TO FUCK THEM ALL UP THE ASS WITH A BLACK FOOT-LONG DILDO TIL THEY FUCKING SHIT BLOOD! Then we'll see who the fucking victim is ..bee-yatches! Bronwen: You see yourself and this Karen Kaczinski as victims .. Ronni: Fuck yeah .. Bronwen: Victims of what? Of who? Ronni: The fucking Quo. All you hypocrite fuckers. Bronwen: So you don't believe the laws against child pornography or prostitution protect anyone? Ronni: When it's a girl my age's own choice whether or not she wants to fuck -- no fucking way. That's total bullshit. Bronwen: And you believe girls your age need no protection ..? Ronni: You tell me. WHO THE FUCK ARE ALL YOU TRYING TO PROTECT ANYWAY? It sure ain't me, so it must be you .. from yourselves. Bronwen: I'm not sure I understand. Ronni: Hey, at least the fucking pervs and hermans I deal with admit who and what they are. You bullshit quos in your suits and uniforms all want to see the same shit, too, only you'd never fucking admit it. So you just bust everybody else, then take the stuff, and 'examine' it as 'evidence.' Bronwen: And that's really what you think? Ronni: Listen, don't talk tome like I'm some kind of fucking kid, okay ..? You can't tell me that all the cops and prosecutors and judges and all you fucking shrinks don't take all the 'kiddie porn' and beasty stuff you bust, go off into some little room somewhere and jack off to it just like everyone else. All you fucking assholes get to see that stuff anytime you fucking want to, and it's all legal for you. But not for us. No, it's not legal for some 15-year-old girl to film herself having sex and make some cash off it, coz none of you fucking quo assholes get your fucking cut. Bronwen: We're not talking about Karen Kaczinski anymore, are we ..? Ronni: No, we're talking about girls .. girls my age getting fucked over. Bronwen: What about them? Ronni: A girl my age who wants to fuck should be able to without all the bullshit. Nobody gives a shit if a 15-year-old guy fucks, or if he's 14 or 13 or even 12. But girls are soooo fucking fragile, and stupid, and they couldn't possibly want to fuck, could they ..? Bronwen: You have a point. There does seem to be a double-standard at work, and I certainly don't agree with that. Ronni: No wonder guys are so fucked up, and then they go out and rape girls. Bronwen: And why do you think that is? Ronni: Coz the Quo tells them this is like the only fucking way they can ever get girls, coz - you know -- girls hate sex. Unless they're whores, of course, or crazy. Then you lock their asses up in places like this, FOR THEIR OWN GOOD, right ..? Coz they're damaged and exploited, right ..? All us poor girls are just so fucking helpless and pathetic. We really all hate sex, we're just too stupid to realize that. And we can't possibly be allowed to decide anything for ourselves, can we ..? So, it's up to all of you to protect us, right ..? Bronwen: You do bring up some interesting points, ronni. Ronni: Really? Bronwen: Of course. I've read what you've written, talked to your teachers, seen your grades. You're an incredibly smart, perceptive young lady. I truly am interested in what you have to say .. your opinions. Ronni: Okay .. that's cool. Can I tell you something else? Bronwen: Certainly. Ronni: Go fuck yourself in the ear, okay ..? Session Two Bronwen: How are we doing today, Rhonda? Ronni: What happened to ronni? Bronwen: I prefer to call you Rhonda. It denotes my respect for you. Ronni: Fuck respect. Bronwen: You may not respect me or yourself, Rhonda, but that doesn't mean I don't respect you. Ronni: Eat me! Bronwen: Before we begin, I would like to apologize to you, Rhonda. You acted out against me during our last session, and I reacted in an unprofessional manner. That won't happen again. Ronni: Too bad, I was starting to respect you after you threw me out of here. Bronwen: You respect strength, don't you ..? Ronni: Yeah .. Bronwen: I'd like to talk about that. Would you like talk about that, too? Ronni: Do I have a fucking choice? Bronwen: We all have choices, Rhonda. In fact, you could decide to end this session right now and go back to your room. Ronni: No thanks. Jesus-girl is having Bible study in there right now. Bronwen: You're still not getting along with your roommate I take it. Ronni: I've got two roommates - her and Jesus. It gets a little crowded in there, you know. Bronwen: Maybe we should start with your roommate. What is it about her that you don't like? Ronni: The Jesus stuff. She fucking asked him what she should eat for breakfast in the morning - oatmeal or pancakes. Bronwen: Could you describe for me in three adjectives what it is about your roommate you dislike? Ronni: Let's see - insipid, drooling, psychotic ..? Bronwen: Are you asking me, or telling me? Ronni: Ooo, I just love playing Socratic Jeopardy. Let's see -- What is 'Fuck Off!' Bronwen: All the words you used to describe your roommate are indicative of weakness somehow. You see her as weak, don't you ..? Ronni: Amongst other things. Bronwen: You've already told me you respect strength. But what do you think of weakness? Ronni: It makes me sick. Bronwen: Let's talk about that for awhile, shall we ..? Ronni: It's your fucking quarter .. Bronwen: I'm interested in strength and weakness and how they relate to your sexuality. Do you think we could explore this? Ronni: Sure, why the fuck not ..? Bronwen: Could you describe to me your first sexual experience ..? Ronni: You mean by myself, or with somebody else ..? Bronwen: I assume you masturbated before you had your first sexual experience with a partner. Ronni: Who the hell doesn't? Bronwen: Could you tell me what you used to think about? What your fantasies were? Ronni: Sure. Batgirl, on the TV show, you know, Batman ..? The old show, not the cartoon. Bronwen: Go on. What did you visualize? What stimulated you? Ronni: She was this tough little bad ass in a skin-tight purple outfit. She rode a motorcycle, and she kicked the shit out of big tough bad guys - at least that's what it looked like when I was little. I had this big crush on her, I guess. I'd come home every day from school and turn on Batman on the rerun channel. If she wasn't on, I'd get real pissed. One time I even kicked over the TV set. Good thing it didn't break, or I would have been in deep shit. Bronwen: You fantasized about her .. Ronni: Yeah, you know, kid stuff. Like riding around on the back of her bike with her dressed in this little Batgirl costume .. hugging her, you know, feeling her body in that vinyl rubbing against me. I'd sometimes rub against this vinyl chair when no one was home and pretend it was her. When I was like 8 or 9, I felt something .. like I was sick or something .. as I kept rubbing against the chair. Then I felt like this rubberband pop inside my stomach, and I kind of got dizzy, and I thought I'd hurt myself or something. I started crying. Then it passed, and I felt real .. buzzed, you know. I decide the feeling was pretty cool, and I tried it again in a few days with the chair. I sat on the arm in my panties with my top off, and I humped the fucking chair imagining it was Batgirl. The same thing happened, only it didn't scare me this time - well, maybe a little, but it was the kind of scared that comes from doing something you know is wrong, something that'd get you punished if mom ever found out. Bronwen: Do you remember what else went on in your mind while you did this? What else you thought about? What else you visualized? Ronni: People stripping Batgirl, peeling the suit off her - guys, all of these crooks looking at her bare tits. Then taking off her mask. That's when I always came during that fantasy. Bronwen: You had other Batgirl fantasies ..? Ronni: Yeah, there was another one I really liked. She was strapped to this table with her legs spread apart and this big saw was cutting straight up to her crotch. I think that actually might have been in an episode. She'd be squirming, and then Catwoman would be standing there next to her, purring and teasing her, peeling off her clothes while all these guys watched. Bronwen: Catwoman ..? Never anybody else? Ronni: Sometimes one of the others - the Joker, or Penguin or Egghead. His big bald head turned me on. I guess it looked like a dick, huh ..? Bronwen: Did it? Ronni: I guess. Bronwen: Tell me more about Catwoman. Ronni: I liked her, too, but she was bad so I knew I shouldn't. She was always dressed in black - tight vinyl, too, and she had a whip. I used to imagine her whipping Batgirl and stripping her. I'd imaginethem fighting, too. I mean not the stupid kicking they used to so, but really fighting. Tearing off each other's clothes. I didn't know about lezzing back then, but I guess that's what I was trying to think about. Bronwen: Did you ever fantasize about men .. Batman or Robin? Ronni: No way. They were total sissy boys. My guy was Donnie, you know, New Kids on the Block. And Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. That was when I was older, though, about 10 or 11. New Kids were pretty finished by then, but I liked them when I was little and all the girls liked them, and it just stayed, although I didn't tell anyone. Bronwen: Tell me about those fantasies. Ronni: I knew about sex by then. I had Family Living in school. I thought a lot about guys dicks after that. That was like all I thought about. I mean every guy had one, and I just wanted to see them all. I tried to imagine what one would look like, especially Donnie's and Steven Tyler's. I would think about them being on stage and singing, and I'd be in the front row, reaching up, and I'd touch their bulges. And they'd smile, and lift me up on stage, and we'd dance, and they'd strip, and I'd play with their cocks while we danced. Either that, or I'd be in the audience, and they'd see me, and their dicks would get hard, and I'd see them inside their pants, and they'd get so hard they'd like burst through their pants and hang above me. And I'd jump up and down, reaching up and trying to touch their cocks. Bronwen: When did you start having actual sexual intercourse fantasies? Ronni: A little later. By then, it was straight Steven Tyler. I read this book by this rock-star groupie - some girl was passing it around the middle school - and she described how she'd fuck rock stars after the show in their dressing rooms, and their orgies, and stuff. I masturbated about 100 times to that book in one month. Then, at night when I was going to sleep, I'd have my own groupie scenes with all these different bands, but mostly Aerosmith. They'd all fuck me and use me, and I'd let them because Steven told me, too. Bronwen: You were submissive in these fantasies? Ronni: Not really. Sometimes I'd blow like three security guards, maybe fuck their road manager before I got to Steven and the band. Sometimes these fantasies would take over an hour and I'd get off like three times before I went to sleep. Bronwen: When did you have your first experience with another person? Ronni: Shortly after I started masturbating like three or four times a day. I was 12 by then. It was summer, and I was always watching this guy who lived down the street - Jeff Torrance. I knew his sister, Amy. She was two grades younger than me. I was going into Middle School the next fall. She was going into fifth grade. I didn't want to hang out with her because she was still into kid stuff, but I wanted to be around her brother. He was going to be a sophomore in high school, and he'd be getting his license in like October. Bronwen: So you became friends with this girl so you could be around her brother? Ronni: Yeah, I mean I liked her, I guess, but she acted so immature at times. So I decided to make her act older, so we could really hang out together and talk. I told her about sex. I lied to her and told her I sucked guy's dicks and fucked them already. She acted pretty grossed out, but I could tell she wanted me to tell her more coz she'd always bring it up whenever she could. So I'd just make up all these stories about all these guys I'd fucked. I knew she'd eventually tell her brother all this, and one day when I was over there and she was inside he came over to me and I could just tell what he wanted. The way he looked at me, you know, like he was hungry and I was food. Bronwen: What did he say to you? Ronni: He was like, 'Hey, you're way to cool to be hanging out with my little sister. Do you do pot?' And I was like, 'Yeah, sure, all the time. Why do you have any?' And he said, "Yeah, me and my friends will get some tonight, and we'll be over this one guy's house.' Then he gave me the address and asked me if I'd come over and party with them. And I said, 'Yeah.' Bronwen: What happened then? Did you go over? Ronni: Mm hm. I told my mom I was going over to Amy's after supper and I'd be back by 9 which was my curfew. I took my bike over to this guy's house, his name was Breck, and he kind of lived out in the boonies. He was a minister's son. They had this big barn in the back of the church, and the guys were already there when I got there. I was real nervous coz I pretty much knew what was going to happen. Bronwen: What do you mean? Ronni: I mean Amy had told him all he shit I told her. There was no big secret why he asked me over there. He thought I would fuck, especially if they got me stoned. I knew he'd told all the other guys this, too, coz they all just looked at me when I went inside. One guy whistled and said, 'Hey, the pussy is here.' That freaked me pretty bad, and I wanted to run. But all these guys were looking at me, and they were all older, and a lot of them, like jack, were real hot, and I was real wet. I'd been wet all the way over, and then when I was standing in front of them, and they were checking me out, I just even wetter. Bronwen: What else were you feeling? Did you want to run away? Ronni: Sure, a part of me, I guess. But I didn't. I mean this was exactly what I wanted. I was just like, 'Hey, it's time.' Bronwen: What happened then? Ronni: I smoked a j with them, then another one. It was on the second one that this guy, Breck, put his arm around me and kissed me with his tongue. I had never even done that before, so I was pretty scared he'd know. So I tried really hard to be cool. But it wasn't that hard, you know. I mean after like three seconds I got it, and I was frenching him back. And all the guys were like, 'Hey, will you kiss me next, ronni?' That really got me hot, that all these older guys wanted me. Bronwen: And that was all you were thinking? Do you remember thinking anything else? Ronni: Yeah, that I wanted to see their cocks, that I wanted to be naked in front of them, and see them naked, and that I wanted to touch their cocks, just like I'd heard about. I remember thinking about sucking their cocks, too, and that I'd probably get fucked, too. That made me real hot, and I started kissing another guy. Bronwen: Did they force you to kiss them? Ronni: No, not really. I mean they took charge of the situation, if that's what you mean. But I was hot, and I'd never done anything like that before, and that's what I wanted. I started frenching them all, one at time, and somebody started feeling my tits. I was wearing this tight pink tee shirt, and I'd slipped my bra off when I was away from my house and put it in my bike pack. So I was wearing no bra, and my nips were sticking out, and the tee shirt was one of those short ones, so my tummy was showing. Some guy lifted my arms, and I held them up while he slid the tee shirt up. I remember how that felt when my tits were out like that, naked, you know, with all those guys staring at them. Bronwen: So how did that feel? Ronni: Weird .. I mean no one had ever seen me naked before, except my mom. But this was different. They started touching my tits and playing with them. Now that I'm older I know this was probably the first pair of tits most of the guys had ever seen in real life. They were amazed with them. I felt real good, too, coz I knew I had big tits already for a girl my age. My mom was buying me regular bras, you know. I never had a training bra. My tits started growing in fifth grade, like overnight. I went down for breakfast one morning, and they were just poking out of this tee shirt I had on. And my mom said, 'You have to change. You can't wear that shirt anymore unless you're wearing a bra.' I was like, 'Whatever/' Then she took after school and we bought three bras. Bronwen: How did you feel about that? Ronni: My tits? I fucking love my tits. They're big, but they're not like HUGE, you know, probably coz I'm not some cow, you know. I notice all the girls with HUGE tits in school are all fat. Mine look so big because I'm small and I'm not fat, I guess. I also wear stuff that shows them off, too - you know, tight tee shirts and stuff. Bronwen: And you don't mind that people look at your breasts? Ronni: Fuck no! I'm not some uptight bitch. I've got nice tits. Big fucking deal. Bronwen: Let's get back to the boys in the barn when you were 12. Tell me more about how you felt. Ronni: Like I said, I was wet and real excited, especially when they started sucking on my tits. Bronwen: How did that happen? Did someone force you to let them? Ronni: Like I said, nobody was forcing me to do anything. I was there doing that shit coz I wanted to. When they started sucking my tits, that felt excellent. Bronwen: You didn't tell them to stop? Ronni: Fuck no! Bronwen: But no one asked you if they could? They just started doing it? Ronni: Listen, I was there to fuck. They knew it, and I knew it. If I wouldn't have wanted to do that shit, I wouldn't have gone over there. I may have been 12, but I wasn't stupid, okay ..? Bronwen: Okay. What else can you remember about that night - what they did, what you did, how you felt? Ronni: I felt scared as hell. I mean I was shaking, like I did when I did piano recitals. Bronwen: You play the piano? Ronni: Yeah, I mean I did, when I was young up to when I got out of elementary school. All the kids in 5th and 6th grade had to do an instrument. I didn't want to fucking carry some stupid instrument case back and forth from school, so I picked piano coz they were right there in the school. Then twice a year we'd do these recitals. Since I was playing piano, I had to do solos in front of everyone. The kids playing the band instruments got to play in a group. I always thought that sucked. Bronwen: So why didn't you just play a band instrument? Ronni: Coz I thought lugging that case around would suck worse, you know. Bronwen: But you didn't like performing solo, did you? Ronni: No .. I mean, yeah .. I mean it was weird. I hated going out there all by myself and having all those people looking at me, but once I started playing I forgot about that and it didn't matter. Bronwen: Why do you think that was? Ronni: I don't know. I mean I was still scared and shit, but I'd stop shaking all the sudden, and the fear or whatever it was started to feel like a real rush. I'd play for like three minutes maybe, but it seemed like an hour, and I was terrified I'd fuck up - you know, make a mistake in front of everyone, or get lost in the music .. Bronwen: And did you ever? Ronni: Once. I once hit a wrong note, one wrong note, and this kid laughed. I froze, you know, cold shivers, and I just quit,and it was the worst fucking feeling I'd ever had. I cried for like a week after that every time I thought of that, making an asshole of myself in front of all those people. Bronwen: And that was the only time? Ronni: Once was enough, you know. After that I practiced that fucking piano every chance I got. I was never going to let that fucking kid or anyone else laugh at me again. I mean I was being forced to play that fucking piano, but it's not like I didn't care how I did. Bronwen: And why do you think you cared? Ronni: Coz it was me up there, you know. And I didn't want people laughing at me and thinking I sucked. Bronwen: What other people think of you really matters to you, doesn't it? Ronni: Fuck you, you fat bitch! Bronwen: Something about that observation angers you? Ronni: I know what you're trying to do, bitch. I ain't fucking stupid. Bronwen: Of course, you're not. So what is it exactly that you think I'm trying to do. Ronni: Psych me. Bronwen: Maybe you could explain that more. Ronni: Listen, you say, 'What other people think of you matters to you, doesn't it?' And that's supposed to be some big revelation to me or something. Like I didn't fucking know that before, or that everybody's not fucking like that. Bronwen: It was just an observation. Ronni: Well, keep your fucking observations to yourself. I don't need the psych bullshit, okay ..? Bronwen: I am interested in these piano recitals, Rhonda. Maybe you could tell me a little more about them, about how you felt ..? Ronni: You want to know how I felt? Well, when I was done I'd feel like I was going to hurl, you know, like I'd just run around the fucking block chased by dog. Bronwen: I'm interested more about how you felt during the recitals. You said you felt fear, yet exhilaration, too. Ronni: Yeah, that's about right. Bronwen: And was this how you felt with the boys in the barn that night? Ronni: I said, don't try the psych shit on me, bitch. Bronwen: You were the one who first made the comparison between that night in the barn and your piano recitals. I'm only trying to clear this up, so I understand it .. understand why you made the comparison. Ronni: It was just a comparison .. the way I felt. Bronwen: The feelings were similar ..? Ronni: Mm hmm .. nervous, then a real rush, you know, same way .. like they were all watching me, waiting for me to do something, or make a mistake, but I didn't .. Bronwen: And that was important to you ..? Ronni: Yeah .. I guess. Bronwen: These mistakes, Rhonda .. What kind of mistakes are you talking about? Ronni: Like I said, wrong notes or getting lost. Bronwen: I'm talking about the barn now. Let's go back to the barn. What kind of mistakes were you afraid of making in the barn? Ronni: Doing something wrong, you know, that maybe one of the guys would laugh at me or something .. you know, how I kissed, or how my tits looked .. stuff like that. Bronwen: And did they? Ronni: What do you think? Bronwen: I don't know. That's why I'm asking you? Ronni: Well, they sure as hell didn't laugh, I'll tell you that. For all those guys I was probably the best fucking time they'll ever have in their pathetic lives. Bronwen: So what did happen? What do you remember? What do you recall feeling? Ronni: You get off on this shit, don't you ..? Just like I said before. Anybody else listens to this shit, and it's like 'sexual abuse' or 'contributing to the delinquency of a minor'. But coz you're some shrink you get to hear all this shit and it's all legal. Nice fucking deal, lady. Maybe I'll become a shrink so I can listen to kids talk about fucking. Bet you go home and tell your hubby all about all the shit you hear from us 'kids' while he humps your brains out. Bronwen: Can we get back to the barn, ronni? And what happened that night ..? Ronni: Sure, I want to make sure and give you everything so you can get off. You know, I'll lick your puss while I tell you. How does that sound, bitch. You get me on my knees, eating you out and telling you all about what those 'bad boys' did to poor, li'l old me. Bronwen: You seem apprehensive to discuss this. Maybe you can tell me why. Ronni: I'm not apprehensive at all, bitch. I'll fucking tell you. My tee-shirt was off, and all these guys were frenching me and sucking my tits and playing with them. And then Breck, the guy whose dad was the minister, he takes out his cock and says, 'This is what you really want, isn't it, baby ..?' And I looked at it, my first real live cock, and I nodded real dumb-like, you know, coz here I was, exactly what I wanted, and what the fuck do I do next. I was scared, but he just took me by the back of my head and guided my mouth right up to his cock. You want to know how big it was, bitch ..? Bronwen: If you feel that's important .. Ronni: When the fuck is dick size not important? Bronwen: I don't know, Rhonda, why don't you tell me ..? Ronni: More psych shit, huh ..? Well, fuck you. You want the story, every fucking little detail so you can play with your puss when I'm out of here. But you don't want to fucking admit, coz 'that isn't right.' That's your fucking problem, bitch. You want to hear all the fucking details, so I'll tell you, and you can write whatever you want in your stupid little report. ---- Okay, well, his cock was probably like 5 inches or so, maybe a little longer, but coz it was the first dick I'd ever seen in real life and it was going in my mouth it looked fucking huge. 'Kiss it first,' he told me, so I did. Then I started licking it, just like I'd heard about. I did that all by myself without him telling me. And all the guys were just watching me, and Breck says, 'You're right, Jack, this girl gives some killer head.' That made me so hot to hear that, that I opened up and slid his cock in my mouth. I closed my lips around it, and it felt like a rubber sausage or something. I kind of felt like biting down, you know, coz it reminded me of food somehow, but I knew not to, that was just what I felt like. So I started sucking just like I'd heard about. He just stood there, real still, his hands in my hair. I got shivers all down my spine when I felt his cock twitching inside my mouth, along my tongue, like it was alive. I kept sucking, and he just stood there, real still, shivering. Now when I look back I guess that even though he acted all experienced, that I was probably his first fucking blow job, or at least the first one that was any good. I tasted something dribbling out his piss hole in a few seconds, and it was warm and sticky and salty .. kind of like snot, I guess, or runny eggs. Then he got real tense a second later and gripped my hair real tight. I kind of knew what was coming next, but it still took me by surprise. His cock just burst in my mouth, like that gum that has the liquid stuff in the center. I could taste all that salty, sticky slime running down my throat, and I wanted to pull away, but he held me there and made me suck it all in. Then he must have gotten real sensitive down there, coz he kind of let go and pushed me away. When I looked up, all the guys had their dicks out, and they were all hard, and Breck was like, 'Jack, you're next.' And I crawled over to Jack, and his cock was maybe a little shorter than Breck's, but it was a lot thicker. I kissed it and looked up at him and he had his eyes closed. I wanted him to look at me and tell me he liked me or something, but he just had his head back and his eyes closed, just standing there. I barely had his dick in my mouth for a few seconds before he came. That took me by surprise, and I kind of jerked back and it ran over my face. I crawled over to the next guy,and he had a lot bigger dick, probably 7 inches at least. He wasn't that good looking, though, so I wasn't eal turned on. I remember thinking it would have been cool if Jack's cock was that big, coz I would have really liked sucking it a lot better. Bronwen: Did you perform oral sex on all the boys? Ronni: Yeah .. Bronwen: And how many were there? Ronni: I think there were 5 along with Breck and Jack. It was a while ago, and I get it mixed up with other times. Bronwen: So there were other times with these boys? Ronni: Fuck yeah, like sometimes twice a week if they had shit on them. That was my little deal. They had drugs, I'd fuck them. Bronwen: So, you always exchanged sex for drugs, then? Ronni: That's just how it worked, okay ..? We were partying. You know, sex, drugs and rock and roll ..? Bronwen: When did you first have intercourse? Was it with those boys? Ronni: Mm hmm .. the second time I was there. Breck asked me after a few j's if I wanted to fuck him. I said 'Sure', and we did it. They all put this blanket over this mattress on the floor, and I stripped for them - which really made me wet - and then I got on my back and spread my legs. All the guys had their dicks out, and they were all real hard, playing with them. Breck got on top of me and put his dick in real slowly. I kind of winced, but it was smaller than my hand, and I'd been playing inside my puss for like a year by then, so I didn't freak too much. Although I guess I might have wigged a little coz it wasn't me, you know, but a guy, and I wasn't controlling it when it went in. I kind of scooted up so I could get more of him inside me coz it felt pretty cool, but then he just came .. just like that. He tried to be cool about it, and pretend he hadn't, so I let him keep fucking me, but he was getting soft and he slopped out in a minute. Then he's like telling his friends, 'She ain't no virgin, that's for sure. Look, no blood.' And all the guys liked this and I did too coz it meant I wasn't some kid anymore to them. I was the experienced one, and I kind of took control, then, even though these guys were older than me. I told them they'd have to wash my puss before anyone else fucked, and they did it. I thought that was hilarious, lying there, feeling these guys wash my puss like they were my slaves or something. Bronwen: That's an interesting choice of words .. slaves. Could you explain that more? Why did they feel like your slaves. Ronni: Coz they were doing what I told them to, anything I said just so they'd get to fuck me. Bronwen: And you liked that feeling? Ronni: Still fucking do .. Bronwen: I noticed you didn't mention that the boys were using any protection. Were they? Ronni: Yeah, they were. Bronwen: Why do you think you left that out? Ronni: Coz rubbers don't belong in a sex story. They turn me off. Bronwen: And that's what this is to you ..? What we're doing here ..? Is a sex story ..? Ronni: Sure. I talk and get horny. You listen and get horny. Just like one of my stories. Bronwen: But this really happened to you. This is not some fantasy story you're putting on the internet for people to read. Ronni: Who knows? Maybe it is ..? Maybe when I get out of this fucking hole, and I get back to my real life, maybe I'll put this all in a story .. you, too, bitch. What do you think of that? Bronwen: And why would you do that, Rhonda? Ronni: Coz it'd turn people on, to hear how I lost my virg. People are asking me that shit all the time. In a story, you become them, you know, asking me all sorts of questions, pretending you're doing it out of curiosity and shit, but really just wanting to hear about some teenage girl sucking cock and getting fucked. That's all any of you want to hear, anyway. That's why I do it, coz it gets you all off, and knowing that gets me off, too. If I didn't think you'd strap me up in some straight jacket, I'd be playing with my puss right now. How'd you like that, bitch, watching me play with my teenage pussy while I tell you how I lost my virg ..? Bronwen: Our session is over for today, Rhonda. For next time, I 'd like you to work on more memories, getting the details together, and more importantly how you felt. Ronni: More fuck stories. Okay! That's cool .. Session Three Bronwen: How are you today, Rhonda? Ronni: My leg FUCKING HURTS! Fucking cast, fucking crutches. I'm a fucking freak! Bronwen: Your pain medication has been cut back. You'll have to get used it .. Ronni: Fuck that! Bronwen: We haven't discussed your leg yet. Maybe we should talk about that today for a bit. Ronni: Nothing to fucking talk about. It hurts like fucking hell. EOS! Bronwen: EOS? Ronni: End of story, you fucking lamer. Bronwen: Okay .. We've dealt with the physical aspects of your injury, but maybe we should talk about the mental for a moment. Ronni: Nothing to talk about. Bronwen: Okay, then, then this shouldn't tale very long. How do you feel about your injury, not physically, but emotionally. Ronni: I think it sucks. Bronwen: What exactly sucks? Ronni: I'm a fucking freak now. Bronwen: And why is that? Ronni: Coz I've got a big fucking cats on, and I have to use crutches, okay ..? Bronwen: Let's discuss the future, then. Ronni: What about it? Bronwen: You know you may never regain full use of your left leg again. There was significant nerve damage .. Ronni: Listen, I got all that shit in the hospital from the doctors. I've dealt with all that shit already, okay ..? Bronwen: I'd be curious, then, how you plan to cope with this situation. You could be affected by this your whole life. Have you thought about that? Ronni: Enough. Listen, my therapy shit for my leg is going good. I already have some feeling back. I ain't going to be some gimp girl, okay ..? That just ain't going to happen. So I don't need the psych-out, and I don't need your fucking pity. I busted up my fucking leg. Life goes on, just like before. Bronwen: Okay .. Ronni: I thought we were going to talk more about fucking. Bronwen: That is what you want to talk about ..? Ronni: That's why I'm here, ain't it ..? That's my fucking 'problem' according to you. Bronwen: I never told you that, Rhonda. Ronni: Well, then, why aren't we talking about macramé? Bronwen: Would you like to talk about macramé? Ronni: Fuck you .. Bronwen: I gather you want to talk about sex, then? Ronni: Sure, that's what turns us both on, right? Bronwen: So what aspect of sex would you like to talk about? Ronni: Well, first off I'd like to ask you some questions. You are a sex expert, right ..? Bronwen: I guess you could say that? Ronni: Okay, then, I've always wondered some stuff, and maybe you could help me out. Bronwen: I can try. What would you like to know? Ronni: Well, for one, if you're in the middle of some Dom/sub scene, and stuff starts getting too rough, and you forget your safe word, what the fuck do you do? Bronwen: I .. I'm not sure I'm understanding you. Ronni: I thought you were a sex expert. You mean you don't know what I'm talking about? Bronwen: It's not that I don't know what you're talking about, it's that .. Ronni: What's a 'safe word?' Bronwen: Rhonda, I .. Ronni: Tell me what a 'safe word' is. Bronwen: Rhonda, this really isn't .. Ronni: You don't fucking know, do you ..? Bronwen: I fail to see how this is relevant. Ronni: It's fucking relevant, all right? What does it feel like to be fucked by a dog? Bronwen: I .. I wouldn't know .. Ronni: Question 3 - You've got one guy up your ass, one in your puss, and another guy jamming your throat. You've got one more hard dick to take care of, what the fuck do you do? Bronwen: I am not going to cooperate here, Rhonda. We can either stop this, or quit right now. Ronni: How am I supposed to consider you some fucking sex expert if you can't answer those fucking questions? Bronwen: A 'safe word' is a word used in role playing which the submissive uses to tell the dominant to stop. Ronni: Okay, now tell me about fucking dogs. Bronwen: This subject interests you, I take it from reading your stories. You refer to it several times. Ronni: I'm curious, yeah .. Bronwen: And why would you want to do this? What do you desire from having sex with animal? Ronni: A monster fucking cum, that's what. Bronwen: And you don't experience these with human partners - male or female ..? Ronni: Sure I do. I'm the cum queen. Only nikki porno gets off more than me, and even she can't pull a stringer like I can. Bronwen: Pull a stringer ..? Ronni: Multiples, you know, pusscrackers .. Bronwen: Multiple orgasms .. Ronni: Duh! Bronwen: And you experience these? Ronni: Fuck yeah .. Bronwen: On a regular basis. Ronni: Yeppers .. Bronwen: When did you start experiencing these? Ronni: A couple of years ago, when I was 13. Bronwen: By yourself? Ronni: Not then, no. I mean I can now. I do it all the time, but back then, no, only when I was with someone. Bronwen: When did you first reach orgasm with another person? Ronni: When I was 13. Bronwen: Was this with the boys you told me about last time? Ronni: Fuck no. Bronwen: What do you mean by that? Ronni: Those guys were kids. They didn't know what the fuck they were doing. They wouldn't have even gotten off if it wasn't for me. Bronwen: Then why did you continue with them if you didn't achieve orgasm? Ronni: I didn't say it wasn't hot. Sometimes, after we were doing it for awhile, they'd fuck me real good, and that felt great, and I'd almost get there. But I just didn't know how, you know ..? Bronwen: I'm not sure. Why don't you tell me? Ronni: Well, it was like I'd try to get them to fuck me so that they'd bump my clit, but they just didn't get it. Bronwen: Why didn't you show them. You told me last time you were in control. Ronni: I was a kid. I didn't know how to do that, then. I mean now I just tell the guy, but back then I didn't want to look like a slut, you know. Bronwen: That's interesting. Ronni: What? Bronwen: First, tell me if I have this right. You were exchanging sex for drugs with these boys, having sexual relations with them often, yet you felt that asking them to give you pleasure would make you a slut? Ronni: I was 12. What do you expect? I was still sucking up all that crap you people in the Quo are always telling girls - bad girls screw, good girls wait for 'the right boy.' Bronwen: So, you felt you were being a bad girl with these boys? Ronni: Like I said, I was 12. I didn't know any better. Bronwen: And when do you feel you 'learned better'? Ronni: Like I said, when I was 13, that next year in school. Bronwen: Maybe we should talk about that, then? Ronni: Whatever lubes your engine .. Bronwen: What happened when you were 13, Rhonda? And please, start at the beginning, and try and remember details, and what you were feeling, too. These things are very important. Ronni: I know, I tell guys that e-mail me this all the time. Bronwen: You tell them what? Ronni: About details and emotions. They'll e- me and say they fucked some chick and it was hot. EOS. Guys could be so much hotter, you know. Which is funny .. Bronwen: Why is that funny? Ronni: Coz we're talking about what happened to me when I was 13. That's when I first really learned about guys and how fucking monster sex could be. Bronwen: What happened? Ronni: I'd been fucking Jack and his friends like all summer when school started. They were in high school, but they had friends, and they talked you know. By like the end of September, I was like Queen Slut of the seventh grade. Everybody knew what I did. It was my rep, you know ..? Bronwen: And how did you feel about this? Ronni: Like a slut, just like they said, so I quit doing it. Bronwen: What happened then? How did you feel? Ronni: It didn't fucking change anything. If anything, I got even more bullshit coz now I'd pissed those guys off so they really started spreading shit about me. I guess to get even. So, even though I wasn't fucking anymore, my slut rep got bigger and bigger. Kids'd say I was screwing teachers, the principal, that I made videos of myself fucking guys, that I pulled trains with guys .. shit like that. Bronwen: But you didn't ..? Ronni: No, I didn't even go out with guys. They'd ask me, but I could see why they did. Some really cute guys, too. But I was a slut to them. I mean I want to start fucking again, coz I really missed it, but I hated all the people calling me a slut, so I didn't. Bronwen: And how long did this last? Ronni: Til October, late October, Halloween. Bronwen: And why did you start having sex again? Ronni: Coz it was different. Bronwen: How was it different? Ronni: My best friend and I .. her name was Sarah, Sarah Sheppard. We went to this lame Halloween Dance at the Rec Center. It was for kids - costumes, you know - she wanted to go real bad coz she'd heard this guy was going to go from another school, and she liked him. Bronwen: But you didn't want to go .. Why? Ronni: Coz it was kid stuff, you know, with adults everywhere. Bullshit. Bronwen: But you went anyway ..? Ronni: Sarah was my best friend. We'd just met like at the beginning of school. She was from a different elementary school. She was this real quite brainy girl. We were in all the advanced classes together. Since all the other girls thought I was a slut, I guess I kind of gravitated to her. She was really nice, just quiet and real 'young,' you know. She reminded me of Amy. It was like I had to show her how to be more grown-up, you know ..? Bronwen: How did you do this? Ronni: I told her about sex, mostly, and boys, and what that was all like. She giggled a lot at first, but then she'd get real serious and ask me all these questions, wanting details, just like you .. Bronwen: How did you feel about her? Did you care about her? Ronni: Yeah, she was like my best friend. I told her everything. That's why I went to the Halloween dance, coz she wanted me to. Bronwen: Did you have a good time? Ronni: It was lame-city. All these kids in costumes. Real kid stuff, you know ..? Bronwen: Did you wear a costume? Ronni: Kind of. Bronwen: What did you go as? Ronni: A greaser. Bronwen: A greaser ..? Ronni: Yeah, like from The Outsiders, you know, and Grease. Me and Sarah watched that movie, which was kind of stupid, but I loved how that lady, Olivia Newton John, looked in it. Bronwen: So how were you dressed? Ronni: I had on these tight jeans, and my jeans jacket, and this white tummy tee-shirt, and my mom let me put on a lot more make-up since it was a Halloween party. So I got my lips all done up, and teased my hair up real big, and with lots of rouge, and I gave myself this Madonna mole on my cheek. I looked pretty fucking slutty. Bronwen: And what about Sarah? Ronni: I tried with her, but she just didn't have a real bod yet - I mean no tits or anything. Like the guys used to say - Carpenter's Dream, flat as a board and never been screwed. Bronwen: That's what you thought of her? Ronni: No, not me. The guys. That's what they'd say. That call us Slut and Dweeb. That really hurt Sarah's feelings, too, coz she wanted to be pretty, she just wasn't growing yet, you know ..? Bronwen: So what happened at this party? Ronni: Like I said, LA-MER. And Judy Watts and Loretta Galbertson were there, so I was like, Let's get out of here, Sarah.' But she wanted to stay, so we did. Bronwen: Who were the girls you just mentioned? Ronni: These real bitches .. pep girls, you know, cheerleaders .. all perfect. Judy was like one who started the whole 'ronni's Queen Slut', shit. I didn't even know the girl hardly. She just saw me the first day of school and started talking about me, spreading rumors and stuff. Lori was her best friend, and she did even more talking behind my back. I saw them, and they started 'pss-pssing' to all these kids from Valley they were with. They all looked like total peps, so I guess they knew each other from cheerleading or something. Sarah and I tried to stay away from them, but Lori would look at us wherever we were and start talking again to all her friends, and they'd look at us and laugh. That's when I got pissed. Bronwen: So what did you do? Ronni: Well, I was going to kick her ass in. I mean I couldn't in school coz there were too many people around, teachers and stuff, and I didn't want to get in trouble. But there, at the Rec, I figured what the fuck, you know ..? We were up at the bar, and I was telling Sarah I was going to move on her, and this guy behind the bar, he overhears us and he says, 'You aren't talking about starting a fight here, are you?' And I look at him and say, 'Yeah, I am, so what's it to you?' And he says, 'Listen, why don't you tell me why you're going to start a fight in here.' And I tell him, 'Coz those girls over there keep calling me a slut.' And he says, 'Well, are you a slut?' And I say, 'No way.' And he says, 'Then why does it matter what they say? It's just words.' And then the three of us start talking - me, Sarah and him. Bronwen: You said he was behind the bar. Was he younger, a teenager? Ronni: No, he was a guy. His name was Paul. He was like the guy putting on the party. The Rec hired him out. He does kids parties - you know, DJing, Magic Tricks, and he brings this stuff along like a bar, and they make you drinks, but like with pop, not booze. He was all dressed up in this tuxedo thingie, only he didn't have the coat on then coz he was tending bar I guess. Bronwen: And how old was he? Ronni: Thirty-five. Bronwen: And you started talking to this man? Ronni: Yeah, he was pretty much the coolest guy there. He was funny, and he showed us some neat stuff. Bronwen: Like what? Ronni: Mind reading stuff, magic tricks. He showed us how to make a quarter disappear. Bronwen: How long did you talk to him? Ronni: Like the rest of the night. We'd kind of go off and see if there was anyone else to talk to, and he'd move around and stuff, checking on things, but we always seemed to go back to the bar when we saw him there, or the DJ booth if he was there. He played all this stuff we wanted, too, and then he'd put on this real dweeb shit like Sinatra and say into the mike, 'This is a special request from ronni and Sarah.' We'd run up there yelling at him, and he'd laugh, keep teasing us. He made us all these drinks, and called them screwdrivers, and martinis, like they were real drinks, and then he'd give us these drunk tests, you know, like close your eyes and touch your nose or walk a straight line or say the alphabet backwards - which always fucked us up. He was a riot. Bronwen: He sounds like it. You never said anything more about the fight you wanted to get into. Ronni: That's coz he talked me out of it, I guess. I mean he just got me thinking about other things, and then when I saw Lori looking at me and I'd get pissed again, he'd get me talking about stuff, and I wouldn't be so pissed anymore coz he'd make me laugh. Then, when he did his magic act, and he needed volunteers from the audience, he chose us. Bronwen: That sounds like a lot of fun, Ronni: Yeah, and what was really cool was fooling all those dweebs. Bronwen: What do you mean? Ronni: It was a mind reading trick he taught us at the bar. It had this secret code. He'd blindfold himself and turn away from the audience, then we'd go out, find people, have them show us shit in their pockets or purses, and he say exactly what it was. Bronwen: How did he do that? I've always wondered how magicians did that. Ronni: It's a code. Like if you're doing a girl's ring you say one thing, or if it's a set of keys you say another thing. That's how he knows what it is. Then we started doing names - like someone's dog, or their grandmother, or their algebra teacher. All the kids started freaking out when he was right all the time. This one girl, Donna Martine, she's this major pep who's always talking behind my back, she's like, 'Can you see into the future?' to him, and he's like, 'Absolutely,' and he does this trick where he predicts exactly what they're going to write on a piece of paper, then he seals it in an envelope, then they write down what they were thinking, then he opens the envelope and they match. She freaked out. Then all these kids started asking him all these questions like, 'Am I going to meet a cute guy?' or 'What's the essay question going to be on my history test tomorrow?' I couldn't believe how stupid they were. I mean it was so obvious how he was doing it. Bronwen: Obvious once you knew the trick ..? Ronni: I could have figured it out pretty quick if I didn't know. You just have to pay attention to what he's doing when he's talking and seems like he's doing nothing. You also have to figure out who in the audience is playing along coz magicians always cheat. Bronwen: You're interested in magic? Ronni: I like fooling people. Bronwen: Why? Ronni: Because it's fun. Paul was pretty good at it, too, and he like purposely made Lori look like a dweeb. He had her so convinced he was psychic that she was like following him all around after stuff was breaking up and asking him all these questions. Sarah and I just fucking laughed. Then, after she leaves, he comes up to us and says, 'That's how you get even with someone.' Bronwen: That's an interesting observation. Why do you think he said that? Ronni: Coz he kept telling me that beating some girl up wasn't going to prove anything, coz once you've done that they win, and you lower yourself to their level. He kept telling me I was smart and should be using my brains if I wanted to get Lori and Judy off my case. Bronwen: He sounds like a smart guy. Ronni: He was. We pretty much told him everything by the end of the night. Bronwen: What do you mean by that? Ronni: I told him why the kids called me slut .. I mean not EVERYTHING, but enough so he got the picture. We told him how Sarah liked this guy who was there, and he told us how we should go up and talk to him, and .. Bronwen: Pardon me, Rhonda, can we go back to something? Ronni: Sure, whatever .. Bronwen: When you say you told him why the girls were calling you a slut, do you mean you told him you were sexually active? Roni: Mm hmm .. Bronwen: How did you feel about that? Telling a strange man you were sexually active? Ronni: He was cool about it. He didn't freak out or anything. It felt kind of cool really, coz he didn't treat me or Sarah like stupid kids, but like we were older, you know ..? Bronwen: Would you say he was flirting with you? Ronni: Sure, yeah, like I said, just like Sarah and I were older. Not like we were kids. Bronwen: Did this make you uncomfortable at all? Ronni: You mean wet? Bronwen: Um .. I mean in any way. Ronni: Well, I did get real hot for him while we were talking, and especially when we were helping him with the mind reading act. He wasn't some gorgeous guy or anything, but he just seemed so powerful, you know, and he just made me laugh and feel so .. you know .. Bronwen: Please, tell me. Ronni: This sounds so geeky. Bronwen: What? Ronni: He made me feel special, real hot. Not like Jack and Breck and the guys made me feel, but like I really wanted to fuck HIM, you know, not like I just wanted to fuck .. but HIM. Bronwen: What did Sarah think of him? Ronni: Well, by the end of the night she'd forgot about the guy she was there to see, and we both pretty much had the majors for Paul. Bronwen: The majors? Ronni: Major hots. Bronwen: Did anything else happen? Ronni: Yeah, before we left, I told him my mom was planning a birthday party for me, and would he want to do it, you know ..? Bronwen: Your mother wasn't planning a party, was she ..? Ronni: How'd you guess? Bronwen: Just a hunch. Ronni: So he gave us his card, you know, to give my mom. That way I had his name and phone number and e-mail. Bronwen: What did you do with that? Ronni: I e-mailed him from school. We all have these e-mail boxes in the computer labs. The teachers read everything that goes in and out, but they're so fucking stupid they never thought kids would just get free e-mails at DejaNews or one of the search engines. So we can pretty much do whatever the fuck we want online, except look at porno pics coz they have those pretty much blocked out. Bronwen: You mean you got a free e-mail box ..? Ronni: Yeah, so no one could read my shit, you know. And it was DejaNews, too, so I could go in and read newsgroups .. anything I wanted. I'd download dirty stories and print them out in the middle of all this research bullshit, and the lab teacher would see like thirty pages of stuff on ocelots and would just let me out with it. That's how I started getting the idea to write fuck fiction. I thought most of the shit about teenagers was total bullshit. Bronwen: When did you start putting your stories online? Ronni: I did one story then, which really wasn't good at all, but it felt so hot posting this fuck story that people would read. I maybe posted two more in the next couple of years. Bronwen: What were these stories about? Ronni: The first one was about a TV show - X Files. It was just Scully and Mulder fuck, you know ..? The second story was about a model who goes to a photo shoot only it's a porno shoot, but she needs the money so she does it. Then I did this story about a groupie, like the lady in the book I read. None of them were very good. Bronwen: How old were the characters in the stories - the second and third ones? Ronni: I never said - twenties I guess. Bronwen: They weren't girls your age. Ronni: No, I was afraid to write that stuff. I thought I would get busted, you know, kp ..? Bronwen: KP? Ronni: Kiddie Porn. Bronwen: So you felt kiddie porn would have been wrong ..? Ronni: No, I just didn't want to get busted, that's all. Bronwen: I know we talked about this at our last session, but I need to understand some things better. Ronni: Like what? Bronwen: Well, to start off with I need to know what you think of child pornography. Ronni: It's all right, I guess. Bronwen: Al ..? What do you mean by that? Ronni: I like it, I guess. Bronwen: You've seen child pornography before? Ronni: Sure, all the time, on newsgroups. People post kp pics all the time. Bronwen: These don't bother you? Ronni: No. I mean why should adults have all the porn to themselves. I'm young, I want to see people my age fucking and sucking, too. I mean that's who I'm hot for, you know ..? Bronwen: You don't think those children are being victimized at al? Ronni: Not really. I mean, sure, some of them are being forced, but most of them aren't. I bet most of the kids like it. I know I would. Bronwen: Why would you like that? Ronni: It would get me hot having people watch me fuck, and knowing they were breaking the law to do it. Bronwen: And what about that would 'get you hot'? Ronni: You know, that kind of desire, people desiring to see me THAT much. Bronwen: You don't think adults having sex with minors is any way abusive? Ronni: Well, maybe real little kids .. babies .. Bronwen: At what age, then, do you think it's all right for kids to have sex? Ronni: I don't know, depends on them. Bronwen: What about a seven-year-old girl? Is that too young to have sex? Ronni: If she wants to? Bronwen: Does it matter? Ronni: Sure. I've seen pics where girls that young are fucking and sucking, and they're having a kick ass time. Bronwen: How would you know that? Ronni: They're smiling and shit. Bronwen: And you don't think those smiles are faked, that they're being forced to smile ..? Ronni: No, why should I? Bronwen: Because .. because they're so young. It's obviously not their choice to .. Ronni: Let me ask you. If you see a picture of a kid smiling, do you always assume their being forced to smile, or do you just think they're happy? Bronwen: I .. that's different. Ronni: Why? Why couldn't some kid enjoy having sex? Bronwen: Because they can't. They're too young. They don't know what they're doing. Ronni: Kids in bush tribes in Africa have sex when they're five. They imitate the adults. Moms and dads have sex at night in the hut. It's no big deal to them. Bronwen: This is completely different. We're not talking about the bush people in Africa. Ronni: Well, why aren't we? Why is there one set of rules for us, and one set for them? Bronwen: It has to do with society, Rhonda, the way things are structured .. Ronni: So you're saying bush kids in Africa are somehow better able to deal with sex at an early age than we are? Bronwen: It's not as simple as that. There are a lot of psychological factors present in our society that .. Ronni: So we're more fucked up here is what you're saying. The problem isn't kids having sex, it's all you fucking adults with the fucking problems. Bronwen: This really isn't what we're here to discuss, Rhonda. We're here to discuss you and your situation. Ronni: Well, this is my situation. I'm a teenage girl who likes to fuck, and you've got me locked up in here for it, like I'm some crazy retard you have to keep up in the attic. I think I deserve to know why the Quo has all these bullshit rules, seeing as I'm the one who has to pay for them. So, yeah, when we're talking about the bush people in Africa, we are talking about my situation. Bronwen: Maybe we could come back to that, then, after we've gotten a little more perspective on your personal situation and issues. Ronni: You just know I'm right, bitch, and now you have to go back and read all your books so you can find some bullshit answer to feed me so you can feel better about all your little theories that kids shouldn't fuck and any kid who does is either some kind of fucking victim or crazy .. Bronwen: Let's talk about the computer at school some more, Rhonda. Now what about these e-mails you were sending out? Is this when you started e-mailing people? Ronni: Yeah, me and Sarah both. We got the box together. Bronwen: Who did you write to? Ronni: People we saw on newsgroups, like, you know, 'You're hot, send us dirty e-mails,' and they would. And we started writing Paul all the time. Bronwen: Paul .. good .. let's get back to him for a moment. What did you write to him? Ronni: You know, goofy stuff to start - 'Hi,' lots of smiley faces. 'What are you doing? When are you doing another party?' Bronwen: And he answered you? Ronni: Mm hmm. We started writing like almost every day. He told us he was doing this dance party over at the Trailside Rec, and it was a magic show, too, and then asked us if we wanted to come along and be his assistants again. He told us he'd get us in free. Bronwen: He invited you to this dance? Ronni: Yeah, you know, to be his magic assistants. Bronwen: How did you feel about that? Ronni: Sarah was like, 'We have to go!' I guess I wanted to go, even though dances and stuff are kind of lame. But I figured he'd be there, so it would probably be fun like last time, and he'd show us some more tricks. Bronwen: Didn't this seem odd to you at all? I mean couldn't he find other kids at that party to help him. Ronni: He told us 'no,' not like us .. that other kids never caught on like we did. Kids are pretty stupid, you know. Bronwen: I see .. what happened then? Ronni: Well, we went to the dance, and we kind of got dressed up a little, I guess. I mean Trailside isn't our Rec Center, and there really wasn't anybody we knew there except for Paul, so we wanted to look real hot if there were any cool guys there. Bronwen: And your parents let you go? Ronni: It was advertised in the paper. I just showed her the ad and said, 'Can you take me and Sarah there?' And she called Trailside and checked out that everything would be supervised, and said, 'okay.' Bronwen: And you didn't tell her about Paul? Ronni: Why should I have? Bronwen: Okay .. what happened then? When you got to the dance? Ronni: Well, we get there and Paul is all busy with stuff, and he like doesn't even see us for awhile, until we finally see him at the bar and we walk up, and he looks up and says, 'Man, you girls look great!' Like I said, we'd spent like all afternoon picking out clothes and stuff for him, so I guess we did look pretty good. I got Sarah this old dress I have, and it was kind of short on her, so everyone would look at her legs and not notice the rest of her bod, which like I said was pretty flat. Bronwen: You've mentioned this a few times already. Did Sarah's body somehow make you uncomfortable? Ronni: What do you mean? Bronwen: You've commented twice already that she was not developed as much as you or, perhaps, other girls your age. Ronni: So? She wasn't. Bronwen: Why was this so important to you? Ronni: Coz .. I don't know .. I felt bad for her, coz she was so self-conscious about it. She'd always be ragging on herself coz she had no boobs. That's why I figured if she showed her legs, guys wouldn't notice as much. And I was right .. Bronwen: How were you right? Ronni: Well, take Paul for instance. He was like checking her legs out in that short dress. And then I said, 'Doesn't she have nice legs' to him, and he's like, 'Yeah, Sarah, you've got nice legs.' She was like so totally gone after that, like a different girl, you know. We'd talk to guys, and she wouldn't be all quiet and shit. She was real into it, you know, teasing everybody off. I was cracking up. Bronwen: How were you dressed? Ronni: I had on my tight jeans again and this white sweater that was pretty tight, too, and with this low neckline so you could see some cleav, you know. All the guys there were looking at me, and Paul, too. I could tell he thought I was hot, just by the way I'd catch him looking at my tits. I felt so HOT, too, that he was checking me out like that. Bronwen: What else happened? Ronni: Pretty much like before. We hung up at the bar and talked and goofed around. He showed us this trick where he was going to convince people he could make them psychic. He was going to pick me and Sarah as his 'controls,' so that the kids didn't think he was cheating. Then we were to ask them like 5 questions, like 'Think of a color,' and then they'd write it down and we'd write it down without seeing what they were doing. Then we'd compare answers and they'd all match. Then he'd reverse the trick, and they'd do the same to us and read our minds. It was so stupid, but they fell for it every time. Then he made Sarah disappear, only they wouldn't tell me how he did it, which kind of pissed me off. But he told me you can't learn the secret unless you do the trick, so I made him promise he'd make me disappear at the next show we went to. Bronwen: Did anything else happen, or did you just help him with the magic? Ronni: Well, afterwards, he was like, 'I have another party next weekend at a Jewish Community Center, do you girls want to come as my assistants?' And we were like, 'Sure,' you know, and he even said he'd pay us, so we were really into that. He said we'd need to practice some, though, because he had some more complicated tricks he wanted us to learn. So he e-mailed us in school on Monday and asked if we could come over his house that Friday after school. Bronwen: And what did you say? Ronni: What do you think we said? Bronwen: Why don't you tell me, Rhonda .. what you said, and what you were feeling. Ronni: We said, fuck, yeah. I mean the guy was totally hot, and we were going to be his assistants and get paid. So why the fuck would we say, 'no.' Bronwen: And that's all you thought? That's all you were thinking about? Ronni: Pretty much. Why? Bronwen: I just want to know your frame of mind at the time, that's all. Ronni: Well, it was pretty fucking good. Bronwen: So, you did go over his house? Ronni: Mm hmm, on that Friday after school. Bronwen: Did you ask your parents' permission to do this? Ronni: Kind of. Bronwen: What does kind of mean? Ronni: Well, I told her about the party on Saturday, and that we were going to be Paul's assistants, that he had asked us after the Trailside dance. Bronwen: And what did she say to that? Ronni: She asked me some questions, like why I wanted to go. I told her Paul was teaching me magic tricks and that I liked doing magic. I told her maybe I'd like to be a magician. I showed her some tricks then, and she knew I wasn't just goofing around. My mom's always like Miss Mother when it comes to stuff I'm interested in. When I was 10 and into bugs, she bought me this Backyard Biology Kit, and we'd do all these experiments together on Saturday mornings. I guess this was like that to her. She's always trying to get me to 'use my brains.' So she called some people up and checked Paul out and found out he'd been doing parties and stuff for a year or so and was real popular. Then she even called him up, and they talked for about half an hour. Then she said I could go to the party, but she'd go along with me coz she said she wanted to see me perform. Bronwen: How did that make you feel? Ronni: Kind of like she was in my business, you know. But I figured, 'what the hell,' as long as I got to go. Bronwen: Did you tell her about the 'practice session' over his house? Ronni: Fuck no. Bronwen: Why? Ronni: Hey, I might have been 13, but I wasn't fucking stupid, you know ..? I knew what was going to happen. Bronwen: And what did you think was going to happen? Ronni: He was going to fuck us .. or me at least. Bronwen: And why did you think that? Ronni: Coz of the way he looked at me over at Trailside, and the stuff he'd write in his e-mails. Bronwen: What 'stuff' in his e-mails. Ronni: Shit like, 'Maybe I can teach you some more tricks' with a smiley face, or a wink at the end. Shit like that. I'd get so hot reading that sometimes I'd go in the girls john and get off. Bronwen: He was writing you sexually suggestive e-mails?! Ronni: Jesus, what got the bug up your butt? Bronwen: Could you please just answer my question? Was this man sending you sexually suggestive e-mails? Ronni: Like coming right out and saying, 'Hey, I want to fuck your thirteen-year-old puss'? Bronwen: Did he? Ronni: He didn't have to. I mean I was the one writing all the dirty stuff. Bronwen: What do you mean? Ronni: Well, after I figured he was interested , I started sending him notes like 'How big is your dick when it gets hard?' 'How many women have you fucked?' 'Did you ever fuck a lady up the ass?' 'When did you lose your virg?' You know, shit like that. Sarah and I would just come up with these crazy questions, and e-mail him. Bronwen: Did he answer these questions? Ronni: Sure, like I said, he was totally cool. He wasn't like some horny kid my age. You knew what he was thinking, but he never came on real strong or nothing, you know. He'd wait for us to ask these tripped out questions, and then he'd just answer it, like we weren't just stupid kids or anything. That's what made him so hot, coz he was so cool about shit like that. It like kept you on pins and needles. Bronwen: So you went over there with Sarah, knowing that you would probably become sexually involved with him that afternoon? Ronni: Fuck yeah. By then I wanted to screw his brains out. Bronwen: And what about Sarah? Did you tell her about your suspicions? Ronni: Kind of. Bronwen: What did you tell her exactly? Ronni: Not to act like a kid when we got there. To follow what I did, so we wouldn't look like a couple of stupid kids. Bronwen: But you didn't tell her you expected to have sex with this man ..? Ronni: Shit, you are starting to sound real pissed. What's up with that? Bronwen: I'm sorry. Please, go on .. Ronni: Well, we went over there. It was a Friday afternoon, right after school. I told Sarah we had to look hot, so we went in the girls john after school and put on make-up and shit. We were wearing what we had to the Trailside dance coz he had said how hot we looked, and Sarah begged me to wear that dress again. Then we took this city bus out to where he lived, which was about a half-hour ride. Bronwen: Go on .. Ronni: Man, you sound like you're major pissed or something .. Bronwen: Go on, Rhonda .. Ronni: Listen, you're the one who wanted to know about this. Bronwen: Could we please just continue? Ronni: Well, when we got there, he was real happy to see us. He gave us these really big hugs .. which made me feel so good I didn't want to let go. Sarah was real hot after that, too, coz her face and the top of her chest was all red and flushed, especially when he came right out and said, 'Hey, you're wearing my favorite dress again, sexy legs.' Bronwen: He .. he said that? Ronni: Yeah. You should have seen her wig out after that. She was so cute. Bronwen: You said he hugged you both. What did he do when he hugged you? Ronni: You mean like did he feel us up or something? Bronwen: Did he? Ronni: You are really one uptight bitch, you know ..? Bronwen: You're not answering my question. Ronni: Okay .. yeah, maybe, a little, but it wasn't like he was all over us or anything .. not like some kid our age. It felt great .. real great! Bronwen: What did he do next? Ronni: Man, you should see yourself. You are like seriously bent .. Bronwen: Are you going to continue? Ronni: Sure .. Next he wanted to know if we wanted anything to drink. I said, yeah, but could he make us real drinks instead of bullshit pop drinks. He was like, 'You know, I shouldn't,' and I'm like, 'We've had booze and shit before. Just one drink. It's not like we're driving.' That cracked him up coz it was like a private joke with us coz he was always giving us these goofy drunk tests at the bar. So he made us these drinks - screwdrivers -- and I see him put like major Abs in. Bronwen: Abs? Ronni: Absolut - Vodka, you know ..? Jesus, what planet are you from? Bronwen: Go on. Ronni: We sit down and start drinking these drinks, and I'm like buzzing in a minute, and so is Sarah. She starts giggling and shit. He sits next to me and starts telling me about this magic trick we're going to help him on. He blindfolds himself and gets out a deck of cards, and deals one to me and one to Sarah. Then he tells us to look at them, but not show them to each other. Then we put the cards back in the deck and he shuffles them. Then he cuts the cards and gives each of us a stack. Then he tells us to count down the number of cards from the top that correspond to the card we chose. An ace means you'd count down 1 card .. three cards if it was a three, you know, and 11 for a jack, 12 for a queen, 13 for a king. When we count down the cards and turn them over, we each have the other one's card. We did this five times, and I couldn't figure out how he was doing it. He told us he'd tell us the secret later, and then he moved to some other tricks that he was showing Sarah, but I just sat there on the couch and kept playing with the deck. I was sure it had to be a trick deck or something. Then, after like half-an-hour I found out how he did it. The cards were sliced so that they weren't rectangles, but like a little off, so that if you turned a card around you could draw it right out of the deck when you cut. So I figured that's how he did it. When he put our cards back, he'd turn them upside down. But that still didn't explain how he knew what cards we'd chosen and how he got them exactly right in the deck. Bronwen: I'm sure it was a clever trick, Rhonda, but is that really the issue here? Ronni: It sure the fuck is. You do want to know what happened next, don't you ..? Bronwen: Yes .. Ronni: Well, it has to do with the cards. Bronwen: Go on .. Ronni: I looked the cards over and over and then I finally noticed something else - the backs were all different, up in the corners .. marked, you know ..? You'd never notice it at first, but when you did it was real obvious. I went through all the cards and separated them into suits, then numbers, and I figured out the system pretty quick. Bronwen: I'm still not sure I see what this has to do with .. Ronni: When I figured it out, I suddenly got this idea, okay ..? Bronwen: What idea? Ronni: I wanted to .. It's kind of hard to explain. Bronwen: Just take your time, Rhonda. Ronni: I got real hot when I figured it out, like this huge rush came over me. I .. I was still a little pissed that Sarah knew how the disappearing act worked and I didn't. So I decided to play a trick on her that she didn't know. Bronwen: And you used the cards .? Ronni: Yeah, I asked for another drink, and Paul made me one, and Sarah, too, and this one was even stronger. So I was like, cool, this guy does want to party. He's trying to get us both hammered. So we just sat there and bs'd for awhile, and I watched Sarah get even more toasted. Then I'm like, 'Hey, why don't we take a break from magic tricks play a game?' And Sarah's like, 'What game?' And I say, 'How about Truth or Dare?' And Paul looks at me shuffling the cards, and he suddenly smiles at me, and says, 'You sure you want to play that?' And I say, 'Yeah, it's my favorite.' Sarah is pretty drunk, and she says, 'Yeah, that's cool.' So I tell them my rules. The dealer cuts the cards into two piles and the other two players take the top cards, and then the low card has to tell the truth or take a dare that the dealer tells them to. I deal first, and I cut Sarah a 2 and Paul a 3. He shows his card first, and Sarah is all giggly and shit, until she turns over her card and she realizes she's lost. Bronwen: So, you deliberately fixed it so your best friend lost ..? Ronni: You make it sound so malicious. Bronwen: And how do you see it? Ronni: We were partying. I just wanted to start things going, you know ..? Bronwen: But why did you involve her? Why did you make that decision for her? Ronni: Coz .. Listen, you don't understand .. Bronwen: Then explain it to me. Ronni: It was like she .. she needed a push. She was so .. she was a kid, you know, and she .. it was what she wanted. She talked about it all the time. Bronwen: Talked about what? Ronni: Sex .. and Paul. She talked about him all the time, whether I thought he thought she was hot. We'd talk about fucking him, and she'd say, 'Yeah, I'd really like to fuck him.' So I was like doing her a favor, really, coz I knew she'd never do anything herself. She'd just sit there and have the majors for him and never do anything, and then I'd have to listen to her wig about it later. I wanted her to get over it, you know, the whole sex thing. I didn't want her being a kid anymore. She was like so girly about stuff all the time. Bronwen: So you took it upon yourself to change her life ..? Ronni: Maybe .. yeah, I guess. Bronwen: Did this excite you sexually, to be doing this? Ronni: Mm hmm. When she lost that first hand, and I saw the look on her face, I got real wet. She was so scared, and she was looking at me, begging with her eyes. I looked at Paul, and I could see it in his eyes. You know, what he wanted, too. Bronwen: What happened next? Ronni: I was like 'truth or dare?' And she chose truth. So I asked her, 'How big do you think Paul's cock is?' I mean just like that. I don't know where the words came from, but they did. Bronwen: That's interesting. Where do you think they came from? Ronni: My need to see her get fucked. Bronwen: Your need? Ronni: Yeah, I'd thought about watching Sarah get fucked for a long time. I wanted to see her get fucked. That made me wet. Bronwen: I see .. And how did she respond to your 'Truth' demand. Ronni: She was like 'No way' at first, and giggling, and trying to get out of it. But I was like 'Listen, you agreed to play the game, right ..? And you'll get your turn to deal, too. So lighten up and play.' Bronwen: And did she? Ronni: Not right away, no. Bronwen: And what was Paul doing during this? Ronni: Nothing. Just sitting there getting hard I guess. Like I said, he was real cool. He looked like he didn't care if she played along or not. Bronwen: But you weren't feeling that way ..? Ronni: Fuck no. I wanted to see her get fucked, and I wanted to see Paul do it. Bronwen: Why? Ronni: Coz I knew he had a big dick. Bronwen: And how did you know that? Ronni: His bulge, you know ..? It was pretty monster in his jeans. The more we talked, the bigger it got. I wanted to see him take it out and fuck her with it, then fuck me. That's why I wanted her to answer that question. It was part of my plan. Bronwen: Go on .. Ronni: Well, finally I get her take a few more hits of her Abs&OJ, and she like gets all silly and she starts saying, 'Okay, Truth time.' And I'm like, 'Okay, spill. How big do you think Paul's cock is?' And she's like, 'I don't know. Six inches.' And I just say, 'Okay, see that wasn't so hard?' Then I give him the cards, and we started playing again. Bronwen: He didn't say anything? Ronni: No, he just smiled and dealt the cards out again, and me and Sarah cut. And she lost again .. big surprise. Bronwen: Paul was cheating, too? Ronni: Sure, why the fuck wouldn't he. We had Sarah right where we both wanted her. Bronwen: What happened then, when Sarah lost ..? Ronni: She got all freaked again, but I told her to shut up and quit acting like a kid. Then he asks her, 'Truth or Dare?' And she says, 'Truth.' So he says, 'Have you ever seen a guys cock before in real life, not just magazines or vids?' And she's like, 'No!' right off, no hesitation or nothing. Then it's her turn to deal. So she does, and me and Paul cut, and he loses, and I'm like, "Ask him, Sarah -- Truth or Dare?' But she was giggling so much that I kind of had to shake her, you know, to get her serious again. Then she finally asks him, 'Truth or Dare?', and he's like, 'Dare, taking Truth is for pussies.' Sarah just freaked then, and she like runs out of the living room into the kitchen, and I chase her. And she's like, 'I don't know what to do.' And I'm like, 'You were the one bitching about losing, so make him do a dare.' And she's like, 'What kind of dare? What should I have him do?' And I'm like, 'What do you want him to do? It's your dare.' But she's all freaked and giggly, saying 'I don't know.' So I ask her, 'Do you want to see his dick?' And she's like, 'Yeah, I guess.' So I tell her to dare him to show us his dick, and she's still all giggly, but I dragged her shit back out there, and she just looks at him and goes, 'I dare you to show us your dick.' Bronwen: What did he do? Ronni: He fucking whipped it out, bitch, what do you think he did ..? The guy was so fucking hard. I could tell that while he was sitting there. You want to know how big his cock was? Bronwen: Is that important to you? Ronni: Sure as fuck is. His was the first real big cock I'd ever seen. It's still one of the biggest, too, for a white guy. It was like 9 inches at least. He just pulled it out, and we're both like, 'Holy shit!' Sarah was really freaking coz it was the first live cock she'd ever seen. I mean I was freaking, too, coz it was so big, but I'd seen some dicks before so I was a little more prepared. What's the biggest cock you've ever seen, huh ..? Bronwen: I really don't see how that's relevant, Rhonda. Ronni: Well, I do. I mean how am I going to talk to you about how great it feels fucking and sucking a big cock when you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about? Bronwen: That really isn't the issue here, Rhonda. Ronni: Sure it is. You've got me locked up in here coz you think I'm some kind of psycho who's been abused or something and turned into this psycho-chick, but you don't have a fucking clue coz you don't even know what I'm talking about. Bronwen: Well, that's what we're trying to find out here, Rhonda. We're trying to learn what you're talking about. Ronni: But you have no fucking idea what I'm saying! I say this guy has this monster cock, and I want to suck it, and you write down on your little pad there that I'm crazy, coz in your fucking mind only a crazy girl would want to suck some guy's dick, right ..? Bronwen: Why don't you stop being concerned with what you think I'm writing about you, and just tell me about what happened, and what you were feeling. We'll have plenty of time to discuss my opinions when we get your whole story out. Then I'll let you know exactly what I think and how I think we can help you. Ronni: You can help me by answering my question and telling me what the biggest you've ever seen is. Bronwen: Rhonda, I'm not going to answer that question. Now go on. Ronni: Must not have been very big, coz when you heard me say 9 inches, your fucking eyes went ape shit .. .. .. Okay, well .. his dick is just out there, you know, and it's fucking huge, and I'm all wet loking at it and looking at Sarah's eyes coz she's just like in shock. And then I deal the cards, and they cut, and this time I make Paul lose coz I want to see him jack off. Bronwen: You wanted to see him masturbate. Ronni: That's what is aid, wasn't it ..? Anyways, he takes the 'Dare', and I'm like, 'Jack off for us til you cum.' And Sarah fucking runs out of the room like a little fucking girl when he says, 'Okay' and starts pounding his meat. So I have to run in and chase her and pull her back in the living room, and sit her ass down, and sit on top of her and make her watch Paul jack off. Bronwen: You forced her to watch him masturbate? Ronni: It wasn't like 'forcing her,' coz she wanted to so bad, I could tell. She was just being a puss, you know. She just needed someone to like 'make' her do it, so she didn't feel guilty about it. She was all screwed up with all that girlie shit, that good girls aren't supposed to want to do anything with sex and that if they're forced to then it's all right, but only if they make everyone else think it's not. I know a lot of girls like that. They let you 'make' them do things so they don't feel guilty, when it's what they really wanted to do all along. Bronwen: And this is how you saw what happened ..? You were sitting on top your best friend making her watch a grown man masturbate. Ronni: Like I said, you've obviously never seen a guy with a real big dick before coz you're like all wigged out about this now. You weren't there, bitch. You don't know what Sarah was like. She quit acting all freaky after a minute, and then she just sat there and watched, you know. She couldn't take her eyes off that big cock. And he was beating it, too. He was putting on a real fucking show for us. He got real close and pumped that prick right in front of our eyes so we could see the skin move up and down over the big fucking veins. We were so close we could have sucked it, but we just watched, and Sarah never took her fucking eyes off it. And she started really getting into when I started saying shit like, 'Beat that fucking big cock. Jack it off for us. Stroke that fucking dick. We want to see you fucking cum. We want to see all that cum cum shooting out of that big prick.' Then I'm like, 'Don't we, Sarah?' And she's like, 'Mm hmm .' And she keeps saying that over and over again after everything I say. Then finally, he blows his nuts, and this glob lands right on Sarah's bare knee and thigh, and she tries to wipe it off, but I'm like 'No way, leave it there.' Then we all drink some more, and Paul deals the cards, and his cock is still hard even after he just sploogied, and I'm like, 'Shit!' coz whenever Jack and those guys would cum they'd go soft for a few minutes. But he didn't. That big dick just stayed fucking hard. Bronwen: How long did this game go on? Ronni: Not much longer. He dealt the next hand, and I could tell by the marked cards that he was dealing me the low card. But by then I just wanted to fuck, you know, so I'm like, 'Dare' when I turned it over. And he's like, 'I dare you to make out with me.' So I say, 'Okay, come over here.' And he did. He came right over to the couch and got next to me, and I moved over so that I was in the middle between him and Sarah. Bronwen: What happened then? Ronni: You're fucking getting hot, aren't you ..? Bronwen: Rhonda, please continue. If you don't care to, we can end the session right now. Ronni: Well he leans over and starts kissing my neck, I mean real fucking hot kisses .. then like right above my tits. He puts his arms around me and starts feeling all over my body while he kisses me everywhere. I was so fucking wet, too, coz he was making me feel so fucking hot. I know I'm supposed to have my eyes closed, but the whole fucking time I'm peeking down my nose at his crotch, and I can see his cock, and I just want to grab it. But I didn't want to be a slut or anything, so I just sat there with him real close like that, and just got hotter and hotter. Then I finally just did it. I just put my hands in his lap. He was real cool about it, too, only jumped a little. Then I saw him smiling at me, and he winked at me when I started tugging on his cock. And he's like, 'You weren't lying. You have done this before.' Then he starts telling me how good it felt, and that made me feel so great, and I got even wetter, coz I had this big dick in my hands, and I was this older guy and I was making him feel real good. I just wanted it to go on forever, you know. Bronwen: What was Sarah doing during all this? Ronni: She was on the other side of the couch, right next to me, you know, and I could feel her squirming around coz she was getting so hot. And I'd look up at her, and her eyes were so fucking big, and that made me even wetter, you know, having her watching me and him. And I'm like, 'You can play with your puss, Sarah. It's cool. Why don't you play with your puss while you watch us. That'd be cool, wouldn't it ..?' And she kind of nodded, and the next time I looked over she had her dress up and her panties pushed aside, and she was playing with herself. And Paul was like, 'That is so fucking beautiful. You're so beautiful, Sarah.' Which really got her hot coz her face and everything got all flushed. I kept squeezing his cock, and he was breathing real heavy, and then I saw his face over mine, and he pressed his lips up to mine. He fucking kissed me so hot I just melted, you know. His lips were so soft, but so .. you know .. experienced. He nibbled on my lips, and when he put his tongue in my mouth he didn't just jam it in like the boys did. We kissed like in the movies. I felt dizzy, from the booze I guess, but I think I would have been just as dizzy if I were kissing him straight. He was that hot. Bronwen: You told me before that Sarah had a crush on Paul. How did that make you feel, engaging in sexual contact with him while she watched you both? Did that bother you at all? Ronni: No .. I mean, yeah .. I mean, I was thinking of her there, all jealous probably, looking at me making out with Paul. I mean, we'd talk about him ALL THE TIME. But I didn't think she was pissed or anything coz, like I said, she was playing with herself pretty fierce, and when I'd look at her she didn't shoot me daggers or anything, she was just sitting there, getting off looking at me making out with him and wishing it was her, I guess. But I really wasn't paying that much attention, coz he just kept kissing me - my lips, my neck, my chest right above my sweater's neckline - and then he lifted my sweater and started kissing my tummy. Then I'm like, 'Will you lick my puss?' and he's like, 'Relax, we have all afternoon.' And he just kept kissing my tummy and licking my belly button, and I was moving my hips up and down trying to get him to take off me jeans, but he wouldn't right away. He must have kissed my tummy and shit for like ten minutes, and I was major freaking it felt so good. I took off my bra and he played with my tits while he licked my belly-button, then he slid his tongue up my tummy, licked my ribs, and then put his lips down around my one nipple and sucked and licked it til I thought I was going to pee my panties I was so fucking wet. He licked every part of my tits, too, all around them, and .. Bronwen: I think I get the picture, Rhonda. Now what else happened. Did he have oral contact with your vagina? Ronni: Fuck yeah he ate my pussy. Best fucking pussy eater I've ever had for a guy. He finally got my jeans and panties off, and just fucking ate me. As soon as his tongue hit my nobby, I just came in a big fucking puddle. He had me that hot, you know. I fucking flooded his face. Then he stayed down there and did me all over again. It was the first time I'd ever cum with a guy or anyone else. And he got me off with his mouth so hard I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. Shit, he could eat pussy. He was real into it, too, not like a lot of guys who just do it coz they know it'll get them some head. He fucking loved my young puss. He fucking ate my pussy good. Bronwen: What happened then? Ronni: After I came again, he just worked his way up my body again with mouth until he was standing over me, his dick in my face, then he just pushed it between my lips. Bronwen: He forced you to have oral sex with him? Ronni: Forced, my ass! I wanted to suck his dick so bad I practically bit it off I was sucking so hard. I wante dto make him feel good just like he did me. He showed me what to do .. how he liked it. He took my hands off his shaft and put them on his balls and told me to play with balls. Then he fucked my face with his big dick, real slow at first til he was sure I was into it. Then he started jamming it deeper into my mouth until I started gagging. Then he'd let up and let me catch my breath, and then he'd start all over again, jamming it even faster and deeper. Whenever I tried to put my hands on his cock to slow him down, he'd gently put them back on his balls, and keep fucking my face. At first it freaked me out coz I was like in no control at all, and he was just fucking my face. But after a few minutes, I was like 'This is cool.' I liked feeling him control me. I mean he was pretty gentle and all that, but he was in complete control and I was just sucking him down my mouth with no control. Bronwen: Did you feel like you were being forced to do this? Ronni: In a way, yeah, like when I'd gag a little on his cock and he's make me leave it in my mouth for a few seconds before taking it out and let me breathe. But he wasn't like raping me or anything, just dominating me, you know. I've done that a lot since then, and I like it if the guy's good at it. You ever do Dom/sub stuff? Bronwen: What other sexual activities did you engage in with him that afternoon? Ronni: Well, he fucked my face like that for a few, then he pulled out of my mouth and he looks over at Sarah and he's like, 'Come over here andyou try.' But Sarah just sits there, so I kind of pull her over and take his cock and put it against her lips and tell her, 'Just kiss it if you don't want to suck it.' So she kisses it, and I rub it all over face, and it looks so cool coz it's so big and her face was so small and cute. Then I'm like, 'Okay, lick it now.' And she started licking it, until finally I tell her, 'Just open your mouth and let him put it inside, then suck on it.' So she does, and he's real gentle with her and lets her use her hands to kind of control it. Bronwen: She performed oral sex on him? Ronni: We both did. He got in between us, and we put our mouths on the sides of his cock, and he like slid it back and forth between us while we licked and sucked. And then he pulled his prick away, and we were kissing each other. Sarah tried to pull away, but I hugged her and in a second she was into it, too, and we kissed for a minute or so before he put his dick between our mouths and slid it back and forth again while we licked it. Then he'd pull away again, and we'd kiss again, and he kept this up for awhile, you know. Bronwen: So he coerced you and Sarah into interacting sexually with each other. Ronni: It's not like he forced us. I mean we would have done shit eventually .. Bronwen: Why do you say that? Ronni: Coz I would have done something. I mean I'd been wanting to kiss her and like feel her bod for a long time, and I think she did, too. I mean I know she did coz I could see her looking at me a lot. She loved my body. She was always saying I had such nice tits and how she wished she had tits like mine. Bronwen: What else happened that afternoon? Ronni: He told us to strip each other, and we did, and he took off all his clothes, and we went into his bedroom, and started fooling around again. And he's like, 'Do you girls want to watch a video while we fuck around?' And I'm like, 'Yeah.' So he shwos us where he keeps his pornos, and we look through them and I ask him, 'What's your fav?' And he picks out this one called "Amateur Auditions" and says, 'Let's watch this.' And it has these women in it, and this guy interviews them, and finds out what they want to do, and then he makes it happen, you know. Like this one chick says she wants to do two guys, and he brings in these two guys and they fuck her. Bronwen: And you watched this whole video? Ronni: Yeah, while we fooled around. It like gave me ideas, you know. I'd see the women doing something, and I'd try it. Bronwen: Did he have sexual intercourse with you. Ronni: Mm hmm, twice, the second time was doggie style and I came like crazy. He fucked me hard and his cock was so huge I thought it was going to like rip me open at first. Bronwen: Did he have sex with Sarah? Ronni: Mm hmm .. We were fooling around, me and her, and I ate her out til she was real wet, and then he busted her cherry. She could only take like half his cock inside her, though, she was so tight. She looked so cool lying there getting fucked by this huge dick. He came on her tummy, and I licked it off. Then I ate her out so she came. Bronwen: This was the first time you'd ever had a lesbian experience .? Ronni: Yeah, it was no big deal, though, coz like I said I'd been thinking about lezzing since I was a kid, I guess. And it wasn't like I didn't know what to do. I just licked her puss the way I knew it would feel good on me, and she came. But she wouldn't eat me .. at least not then. Bronwen: I take it you has several encounters with Paul after this. Ronni: Yep. Bronwen: You and Sarah? Ronni: For awhile, yeah. Bronwen: What do you mean by that? Ronni: She got pissed at us, I guess. Bronwen: Why? Ronni: Coz of the other girls. Bronwen: What other girls? Ronni: The ones Paul had us bring over. She really liked him, and she just couldn't deal. Bronwen: Back up here. What other girls are you talking about. Ronni: The ones from all the parties we started doing with him. We'd go to the parties he did, and he'd have us find girls who wanted to party with us. Bronwen: He .. he had you recruiting girls .. for sex parties. Ronni: Yeah, I mean it wasn't just him. It was me, too. I was kind of like the one who started it. We went to the Jewish party, and it was a bat mitzvah, which is like a bar mitzvah, only for a girl and not a boy .. Bronwen: And what happened at this party? Ronni: I like .. you know .. I started hanging out with the girls, and I saw these three that looked pretty cool, so I watched them, and then I saw them sneak outside when no one wa slooking. So I figured they were grabbing a smoke, so I went out with them while Sarah was helping Paul, and I found them behind the building smoking. And I'm like, 'Hey, what's up?' And they're like, 'You're with that magician guy, huh ..?' And I'm like, 'Yep.' And we get to talking, and I start telling them shit, you know .. Bronwen: No, I don't, Rhonda. Tell me. Ronni: Well, they're like, 'You work for that guy. He's pretty hot. How much does he pay you?' And I'm like, '$50 bucks.' And they're like, 'Shit, that's cool.' Then I tell them that ain't even the best part. And they're like, 'What do you mean by that?' And so I tell them how he has me and Sarah over to his house to party, and how he has this huge dick and how he eats pussy and fucks us. And they're blown away. And I'm like, 'You girls like to party?' And they're like, 'Sure.' So I tell them I'll ask Paul if they can come over next time and party with us. I tell them he's got booze and pot and he'll give you money and stuff .. Bronwen: He .. he gave you drugs, too .. and money ..? Ronni: Sure. He had shit there, and we smoked it. Then, like after that first time, he's like, 'Hey, go buy yourself some sexy clothes for next time,' and he handed us a $100 bill each. Bronwen: You prostituted yourselves? Ronni: No, it wasn't like that coz we didn't even ask him for the money. He just gave it to us. We would have still kept fucking him without the money. It just made everything .. you know .. a lot more fun. We went up to the mall that night and bought ourselves these real cool matching outfits - white shirts, black pants and vests - so that we looked like magicians. I got mine real tight, too, so that my ass showed and my boobs stuck out .. Bronwen: You started bringing girls over to his house .. under-aged girls you met at these parties .. and you would drink, take drugs and have sexual relations with him, and he would pay you all money? Ronni: Mm hmm .. pretty cool, huh ..? Bronwen: Rhonda, that's all for today, okay ..? We'll pick this up where we left off next time. All right ..? Ronni: Sure thing, bitch. Session Four Bronwen: Hello, Rhonda. How are we doing today? Ronni: I'm locked up this dump, my leg fucking hurts, and you're a bitch. Does that answer your question? Bronwen: You seem angry today. Do you want to talk about that? Ronni: Not really. Bronwen: Well, what do you want to talk about? Ronni: Getting out of this fucking hole. Bronwen: You don't like being here ..? Ronni: Would you? This is a fucking jail. Bronwen: You are staying here as an alternative to the juvenile detention center. You were found guilty of .. Ronni: I know what I fucking did. I was there. Remember? Bronwen: But do you remember? We haven't talked about what happened in the car, have we? Ronni: We crashed. Nikki and I hit the air bags. I busted my fucking leg up. She fucked up her back. Those guys .. Bronwen: What? What Rhonda? Ronni: They're all right. I saw them at the hearing. Bronwen: You think they're 'all right.' Ronni: Sure. Bronwen: The one man, Mr. Secrist, is in a wheelchair. The other man lost an eye. Ronni: They didn't fucking die, did they? Bronwen: And that makes them all right? Ronni: Listen, the whole thing was fucked up. It's not like nikki and I walked away from that shit. Look at me, I'm locked up in here, and nikki's in juvy. Those fucking hermans got a fucking lawyer, paid a fucking fine, and they're walking around. I'd say they're fucking doing all right .. yeah! Bronwen: One of them is crippled, the other lost an eye, their names were in the newspapers, they lost their jobs and their families .. you think that's all right, Rhonda? Do you? Ronni: They knew what the fuck they were getting into. They could have just told us to fuck off when we went up to them in that restaurant. It was their fucking decision. All they had to do was fucking say, 'no.' But they're just fucking hermans, and anything that happened was their fault, too. Bronwen: And what about Mr. Urbanski? Was it his fault, too? He had a stroke because of you and your friend. Ronni: You can't fucking prove that. They never fucking proved that. He could have had that fucking stroke any time. Bronwen: Rhonda, your own account says he was unconscious when you and Nicolette left his house and stole his car. He was discovered hours later by his wife just as you left him. Ronni: That's a fucking lie. We left him in the living room, they found his old-fart ass in the kitchen by the 'fridge. The 'fridge was open. He was going to get something to feed his fucking face and he popped a vein. That had nothing to do with me and nikki. Bronwen: You stole his car. He can't even speak anymore. He's in a nursing home now. Is he all right? Ronni: We gave him the monster fuck of his fucking life. You weren't there. He was fucking happy when we left him. That old fart loved. We didn't fucking do anything to him that he didn't want to do. Bronwen: That's not the point, Rhonda. What about the consequences of your actions? You seem to think it justifies anything you or anyone else does if someone desires it or orgasms because of it. You don't see any of the consequences from your actions. That's why you're here. That's what we're trying to get through to you. No matter what you might think, we don't think you're bad or crazy. Ronni: So what do you fucking think then? Bronwen: That you're a very confused young lady who's been through a lot and hasn't been able to sort it all out yet. So you act out against all the pain you feel inside. Ronni: What fucking pain? I didn't have any pain til you locked me up in this fucking hole. I was doing fucking fine without your fucking help you fucking bitch. Bronwen: Prostituting your sexuality for money and drugs .. hurting people .. being treated like a piece of garbage .. you call that doing fine? Tell me how that's fine, Rhonda. You tell me how that's fine! Ronni: When was the last you got fucked, bitch? I mean really fucked .. so your fucking toes curled, and your insides got all smooshy, and your fucking head is like twelve miles higher than your body ..? When was the last time you fucking had a big dick slamming inside you, or your face buried in a hot puss ..? Bronwen: Is that all life is to you, Rhonda? Big dicks and hot pussies? That's all you're ever going to aspire to? That's all that's out there for the rest of your life? Does that sound right to you? Ronni: Sounds a lot better than the Quo bullshit life you lead, bitch. The only way you get off is mind-fucking girls like me, remembering how it was when you were young and maybe had a puss worth fucking, you fat fucking cow! But now you can't fucking have that so you have to make it so I can't, too. But not until after you make me tell you all the shit I've done, so you can go home and play with yourself. YOU FUCKING MAKE ME SICK!! You fucking sick fucking fat uptight cow .. BITCH .. CUNT .. Bronwen: I've paged the orderlies. We will be calling this session short today until you've calmed down .. Ronni: That's it, you fucking cow! Drag my ass out of here so you don't have to hear the fucking truth .. cunt .. Session Five Bronwen: You seem quite today. Ronni: Don't want to go back to the hole. What do you expect? Bronwen: You were .. You do know you were out of control, don't you ..? Ronni: Whatever. Bronwen: When you pose a danger to yourself and others, you will be secured, Rhonda. Ronni: You mean tied up, don't you ..? Bronwen: We can't allow you to hurt yourself or anyone else, Rhonda. Maybe you can't understand this now, but .. Ronni: Listen, I don't want to talk about this, okay ..? Bronwen: I think it's important we address your anger, not let it build up again. Obviously, you were angry about something before our last session, and I touched something off. Maybe, with some distance, we can understand it better now. How does that sound? Ronni: Do I have a choice? Bronwen: We could end the session right now and you could go back to your room. Ronni: No thanks. Bronwen: You're still not getting along with your roommate I take it. Ronni: She's a fruit-loop. Bronwen: Is that why you've been feeling so angry lately, or is it something else? Ronni: It's being in this fucking hole, okay ..? Bronwen: Could we talk about your friends, Rhonda? Would you like to talk about them? Ronni: Whatever. Bronwen: Let's talk about your boyfriend, Joshua. Ronni: He ain't my fucking boyfriend. Bronwen: I'm sorry. By your stories, I assumed that .. Ronni: He's a guy I fuck. That's all they are now, just guys I fuck. Bronwen: But he was your boyfriend ..? Ronni: I guess so, if you want to call him that. Bronwen: That's what you wrote in your stories. Ronni: Okay, when we first met and went out, yeah, he was my boyfriend. Bronwen: When was this? Ronni: When I was 14. Bronwen: Were you still having sexual relations with Paul at the time? Ronni: Yeah, sometimes. He had a lot more girls coming over then. Bronwen: Girls you procured for him. Ronni: Yeah .. whatever. Bronwen: How did you feel about that? Ronni: It didn't matter really. I was like ready to move on, too, you know. He'd pretty much fucked me every way he could by then, and I was getting bored with it, you know. He had the other girls bringing girls over, too. So I just quit going over and doing the magic shows. Bronwen: What about Sarah? Were you still friends? Ronni: Not really. We kind of drifted. I was kind of loning it, you know. Then I started hanging up at the coffee place .. Bronwen: Magic Beans ..? Ronni: Yeah, you know, after school. I was heavy into reading then. I'd like read a book a day, and not stupid girly shit, either, but real books, you know. I was into cults a lot then, like Charles Manson and that stuff. I was reading this book called "The Ultimate Evil" about how Charles Manson and the Son of Sam belonged to the same cult, this killer cult called the Four Pi's. This guy researched the whole book. It was pretty cool. So I was hanging up there and reading this book when this guy who works there comes over and says, 'Hey, do you like that book?' And I'm like, 'Yeah, it's cool.' So we started talking about cults and secret conspiracies and stuff, and he tells me about all these books he's read, and the next time I come in he loans me a book about conspiracies and how they're connected to Christianity. So, we started hanging out together, me, him, and his best friend, Nickey. Bronwen: This boy was Joshua, I take it. Ronni: Yeah .. that's how we met. I mean I had no idea who he was coz he was a sophomore in High School, and I was still in Middle School. But we started going out after awhile, and hanging out over at Nickey's coz his parents weren't around so we could drink and party and fuck. Nickey was in my grade, and he knew Josh coz they grew up down the street from each other. Nickey was heavy into skateboards, too, and so was Josh, so I kind of got into it, too. Not so much the skateboarding with me, but the style, you know - thrashing .. the music, how we dressed, all that shit. Bronwen: How were your sexual relations with Joshua? Ronni: He was a virg before me. Hadn't even had his dick sucked. I had to like teach him all sorts of stuff, and sometime she didn't like that. Bronwen: Why? Ronni: Coz he was older than me, I guess, and I was more experienced, you know, so it made me like a slut, maybe. I'd be like, 'Fuck my ass,' and he'd be, 'Where'd you learn about that shit?' And then I'd tell him about the Jack and the guys, or the shit I did with Paul, and he'd get pissed a lot. But we always made up coz I fucked him so good, I guess. Bronwen: Did you enjoy having sex with him? Ronni: Yeah, it was cool. I mean we were friends first, and he was cute, and after I got him into fucking he could like monster fuck me coz I told him exactly what I liked. He liked fucking my ass the best, I guess, coz when he'd do that he'd go ape shit. It fucking hurt, you know .. sometimes. Bronwen: Were you having sex with anyone else at the time? Ronni: Yeah .. I mean we'd sometimes fuck around with Nickey when he was drunk. Nickey's just a perv, so he'd do anything. He'd download all this porn off the net, and we'd look at that, get stoned, and mess around together. Bronwen: When you say 'together', you mean all three of you at the same time ..? Ronni: Yeah, like I'd blow them both, or I'd blow one and fuck the other. Or Nickey would blow Josh while I watched or sucked him. Bronwen: Nickey and Josh engaged in homosexual activity together. Ronni: Yeah, if Josh was stoned enough. He's not gay or anything, it's just that I'd tell him how much it turned me on .. you know, gay sex .. and he'd let Nickey do it to him, but he wouldn't do Nickey coz that would make him gay in his mind, I guess. Bronwen: Was Nickey gay? Ronni: Fuck no. He's just a perv, gets off on just about anything, the weirder the better. Bronwen: How long did this three-way relationship last? Ronni: Like a few months, almost to the end of the year. Then nikki porno came around. Bronwen: In one of your stories, you said that Nicolette started hanging around because she became friends Nickey. Ronni: Yeah, they were always in detention together. I knew who she was, and we were like 'Hi' to each other and shit, but I was in all the Advanced Classes, and she was like in Basic everything, so we didn't know each other. But I thought she was cool, I mean she was so fucking hot. No one gave her shit, either, and people talked about her like they talked about me. So one day, she comes over when we're all at Nickey's and we pack some bowls, and she says, 'Hey, did you really fuck all those guys like they say?' And I'm like, 'Yeah, how about you?' And she's like, "Mm hmm. Do you go lezz, too?' And I'm like, 'Want to find out?' And while this shit is going on, Josh and Nickey are like sitting there flipping their shit, watching us. Bronwen: You two had sex in front of Joshua and Nickey? Ronni: Fuck yeah! And it was like the most monster fucking intense shit I'd ever had. We were both like trying to show each other how hot we were, meanwhile we thought each other were so hot, too. I mean I fucking wanted her so bad, and she was the same way. So we fucked each other for like an hour straight and we both came like three times, and then Josh and Nickey joined in, and we fucked all afternoon and night until his mom came home from work like 10:00 o'clock. One of us would cum, and we'd go take a piss or get something to eat, and be walking around his house naked, and then one of us would go find them and start fucking all over again. We like fucked in every room of his house. After that, it was always like that, going over to Nickey's after school, partying our asses off and fucking. One day, this other guy Josh was friends with in High School came by, this big guy who was like a big jock but totally cool .. Bronwen: Was that Mikey? Ronni: You really did read my stories, huh ..? Bronwen: Yes, I did. Ronni: Well, it was the five of us, then. We hung out all spring and then the summer together. Then the next year, Nickey, nikki and I were up in high school with Josh and Mikey, so we got even tighter. Mikey was still doing the jock thing, though, so he'd get these fluff girls all over him, and kind of break away from us for awhile til he dumped them and started hanging around us again. Meanwhile, ee just kept partying on. Bronwen: When did you start engaging in sex with the drug dealers in the coffeehouse parking lot? Ronni: Later, that year. Nikki had been doing it before then for awhile .. Bronwen: Nickey, or Nicolette? Ronni: Nikki .. nikki porno. She'd been doing that for shit since the year before. She'd tell me about it, and ask me if I wanted to, but I'd say 'No' coz I was like with Josh and he had this thing about niggers, and he was getting me all prejudiced, too. He'd always be on nikki's case when she'd bring in some shit and tell us how she fucked these niggers for it. Bronwen: Why do you insist on using the term 'niggers.' I would prefer you didn't. Ronni: Listen, I ain't a racist. That's just the term, you know. They're all like 'Nigger this' and 'Nigger that.' So that's what we call them. Not all black guys are niggers, but those guys are, you know. Bronwen: Still, the term is offensive. Ronni: You mean you find it offensive ..? Bronwen: It is an offensive, demeaning term, Rhonda, no matter how you may try and rationalize it. Ronni: Whatever. Bronwen: Tell me about the first time you had sex with these men in exchange for drugs. Ronni: It was after this one time me and Josh got in this fight, and nikki and I wanted to get stoned, but we didn't have any money. And she's like, 'I know where we can get some shit.' And I knew what she was talking about, and since I was pissed at Josh I was like, 'Fuck him, let's do it.' Bronwen: Did you feel Nicolette was coercing you in any way? Ronni: No way. I was totally into it. I wanted to see what it was like, especially because they were black, you know. I'd always wondered what that was like coz you hear about how big black guys are all the time. I'd ask nikki, but she'd just say, 'You'll see.' So I was psyched about that. Bronwen: You went up to the coffeehouse, then, and found them ..? Ronni: Yeah, same fucking Lincoln, too. Nikki just walks up, and they're like, 'Who's the new bitch? She's fine. You gonna party, too, baby?' And I was fucking wet out of my mind. I was hot, I was scared, I was going fucking crazy. Half of me wanted to run, but nikki just got me inside the car, and we started dealing. This guy pushes my face down to his crotch and tells me, 'Take it out and suck on it, baby.' So I take out his cock and I fucking freaked it was so long, and hard and black. It was like sucking the first dick I ever sucked all over again. Thanks to Paul, I knew how to take that shit deep and not use my hands like a little girl, and the guy was like, 'Shit, this bitch knows how to suck. Look at this shit!' And all the guys are like, 'Shit, we want some of that.' So, I sucked them all off while nikki kept a look out. Bronwen: Nicolette didn't participate at all. Ronni: She like stroked some of them to get them real hard for me, but no, she didn't suck no dick that time. It was just me. When it was over, my fucking jaw ached, and we climbed out of there, and we got FUCKING STONED! Then we fucked, too, and nikki had me tell her all about how it felt sucking my first black cock. Bronwen: So, this was when you started prostituting yourself for drugs? Ronni: Mm hmm. Bronwen: How often did you do this? Ronni: A lot at first, like five times in the next few weeks. Whenever we needed shit. I kind of got back with Josh after that, so we kind of cooled it for awhile, but then we'd just do it, you know, coz we wanted shit, and it was easy that way. At first, Josh wouldn't touch any of the shit we got from the Lincoln, but after awhile he just accepted it, I guess, coz he started partying with us again. I mean he still gave us shit, but he wasn't going to control us. Bronwen: You've told others you were raped. Did this really happen? Ronni: Yeah, I guess. Bronwen: Yes or no? Were you raped, Rhonda? Ronni: Yeah, but it was my stupid fault. Bronwen: Why do you say that? Ronni: Coz I was being stupid. I was up at Magic Beans one night without nikki or Josh or anyone, just myself. Bronwen: Where were they? Ronni: Over at Nickey's, I guess. I was just tired of hanging with them. I wanted to be by myself. I guess I wanted to see this guy, too, one of the black guys, but I didn't want nikk or Josh or anyone around. He was pretty hot. I guess I liked him. So I walk up to his car, and he's with his peeps, and he's like, 'Ronita?' coz that's what they called me. 'What's up, baby?' And I'm like, 'Hey, you want to grab a cup of coffee inside?' I was like asking this guy out or something. His peeps were all laughing and shit, but he says, 'Okay,' and he comes in with me, and we just sit and talk for a few until he says, 'I got some killer shit back at my crib, baby. You want to party a little?' And I'm like, 'Yeah!' So we go out to his car, and we take off, and his peeps drop us off at this house, and we go inside. And he just takes me by the hair and puts me down on the floor, right there in the doorway with the door still fucking open, and he's like, 'You know what to do, bitch!' I was pretty hot now, so it was cool, you know. I took out his dick and started sucking him off. Then he came, and he's like, 'Let's go in and get comfortable.' I crawl into the living room behind him, and he gets out some crack, and I'm like 'I don't do that pipe shit.' And he's like, 'Just try it, baby, just a little.' So, I try it, and my head like splits apart after one hit. And I start freaking out a little, and he has me take another hit, and suddenly its like something's cut the string that's holding my brain inside my head. And I'm floating. I suck his dick some more, and he's all hard again, and I'm like, 'Fuck me!' And he pins me up against this couch, spreads my legs real far and just slams me. I'm so fucking cracked, I cum like monster unreal. I'm crying and shit, then I feel him turn me on my stomach, and start slapping my ass, and then I know what he wants. So I start screaming at him, 'No, don't do that! Don't fuck my ass, you fucking nigger!' But I guess that pissed him off or something coz he shoved my face in the couch and he just rammed his cock up my asshole. It fucking hurt so much, and he just kept fucking me. So I'm like looking all around, trying not to cry, trying just to get through it, you know. And I start counting the tiles on his floor, one at a time, real slow, like if I finished and he wasn't done I'd fucking lose my mind. I counted 126 tiles before I felt him cum in my ass. Then he gets off me and gets a beer. He's like, 'Do you want a beer, baby?' And I'm like, 'Sure.' I mean what the fuck was I supposed to do. I finish my beer and he says, 'You going?' And I'm like, 'Yeah.' So I get out of there, and I'm in this strange neighborhood, walking around and this cop car pulls up, and they start hassling me, and I guess I passed out coz when I wake up I'm in the hospital emergency room. Then these doctors check me out, and my mom's there, and everyone's asking me questions. So I tell them I was getting high with these guys, and I passed out. They're like, 'What guys? What are their names?' But I knew they'd been checking my puss and ass and stuff and knew I'd been fucking. So I'm start telling them about these white guys on motorcycles coz I didn't want my mom knowing about the Lincoln and shit coz she would have freaked. She was bad enough thinking it was white guys who'd fucked my ass. I spent the night in the hospital, and I was so scared I swore I'd never do drugs or fuck another guy as long as I lived. Bronwen: What happened after that? How long was it before you became sexually active again? Ronni: Not fucking long. I kind of wandered around in a daze for a few days, and stayed away from nikki and Josh and everyone. My mom was watching me, too, and I stayed in for like a week, and I called Sarah, and I'm like telling her all this stuff that's happened to me. And I'm begging her to be my friend again, but she's like, 'I'm so sorry, ronni, but I really gotta go.' So I think, 'Fuck this!' and I sneak out after my mom falls asleep around 10:00 and walk all the way up to the coffeehouse. And he's sitting there at this table talking to these girls, the nigger who raped me. So he sees me, and he comes over, and he's like, 'Hey, baby.' But I tell him to fuck off. So he keeps at me, asking me what's wrong, so finally I'm like, 'You fucking raped me, you fucking nigger!' And he just gets all quiet, and then he says, 'Wow, I didn't know. I thought that's what you wanted. You were so into it. You told me to 'fuck' you. I thought that's what you wanted. Why did you tell me to 'fuck' you if you didn't want me to?' He got me all confused. I started thinking if I maybe wasn't remembering everything wrong coz I was stoned. I mean remembered being all hot and asking him to fuck me. So then I start thinking maybe this rape stuff was all bullshit I just said at the hospital to get everyone off my case. He was so fucking nice, too. He bought me a coffee, and we just sat and talked, until he's like let me take you home. So we left together, and he started moving on me out in the car, and we were making out and shit, and then he pulls up back to the house we were at before. He's like, 'Let's go inside for a minute. I've got some good shit.' Bronwen: You went inside with him ..? Ronni: Yeah, like I said, pretty stupid, huh ..? Bronwen: Why, Rhonda? Why did you go inside? Ronni: Coz I wanted to .. I wanted .. I thought it was different. I'd been in this daze for over a week, and being there with him was the first time I'd felt anything in days. I just .. I didn't want it to stop. So I went in, and we partied a little, and I sucked his dick again, and he got my clothes off, and then I knew what was going to happen, but by that time I knew it was too late to tell him, 'No,' coz shit had already happened. Bronwen: So you didn't say anything to him? You didn't tell him you didn't want to have sex? Ronni: No, I just let him fuck me again. It was my stupid fault. I knew what was going to happen, so it was my fucking fault I was there. Bronwen: What happened after that? Ronni: Well, this time I made him fucking drive me back to Nickey's. Josh and nikki were over there. They were like, 'What's up, ronni?' And I told them I needed to sleep over there. So I crashed there on nickey's floor, and later nikki gets next to me and I just hug her. And she's like, 'What's up, girlfriend?' And I tell her everything, real soft coz Josh and Nickey are over at Nickey's computer looking at dirty pics. Nikki was like, 'Shit, ronn, why didn't you tell me this?' I was crying, and she was just holding me, and I guess I fell asleep. Bronwen: What did you do about this man who raped you? Did you do anything? Ronni: No, he just kind of disappeared. I still see him sometimes, but he doesn't hang out at the coffeehouse much at all anymore. I stay the fuck away from him when he does, though. Bronwen: But even after all that, you still continued exchanging sex for drugs. Ronni: Mm hmm. Bronwen: Why? Ronni: After awhile, it was just something else that had happened, you know, like Jack and the guys in the barn, or Paul. As long as I was with nikki, we were always in control of shit. We'd fuck for shit, or for tatts or pierces, but no one ever did that shit to me again. If I fucked someone, even if it got freaky, that was my choice. I never let anyone fuck me again if I didn't want to. That's what that taught me. Bronwen: Yet, you've forced others to have sex against their will, haven't you ..? Ronni: No. Bronwen: What about what you did to your friend Tammy, or to Manel, or the woman in the shopping mall store? Ronni: That's different. Bronwen: Why is that different? Ronni: It just is. Bronwen: Why? Explain that. Explain how it's different. Ronni: .. Bronwen: Rhonda? Ronni: Listen, I'm tired of explaining shit to you, okay ..? I want to go back to my room. Bronwen: You're avoiding the issue, Rhonda. Tell me how those women are different than you. Tell me. Ronni: .. Session Six Bronwen: You know what I'd like to talk about today, don't you ..? Ronni: No, what ..? Bronwen: You tried to escape two nights ago. Would you like to tell me why you tried to do that? Ronni: To get out of this fucking hole, bitch. Bronwen: You know, we could have sent you immediately into juvenile detention ..? Ronni: So, why the fuck didn't you? Bronwen: Do you really want to go to juvenile detention? Ronni: Maybe I do. Bronwen: Why would you want to go there, Rhonda? Ronni: At least nikki would be there. Bronwen: Nicolette ..? Ronni: Nikki, you bitch. Her name is nikki. Bronwen: Nicolette isn't the juvenile detention center, Rhonda. She was released from there weeks ago. Ronni: That's bullshit. Bronwen: No, it's not, Rhonda. Nicolette was granted early probation. Ronni: Jesus, what scam did she pull? Bronwen: Do you mean you didn't know about this? Ronni: No. Bronwen: Have you been in contact with Nicolette, Rhonda? Ronni: How the fuck could I be. I'm locked up in here and she's in fucking juvy. You haven't let me get any mail from her, and they probably didn't give her any of the letters I sent her either. Bronwen: We don't stop mail here, Rhonda. We may read it for content, but we wouldn't keep your mail from you. They don't do that in the juvenile detention center either. Ronni: That's fucking bullshit, and you know it. you know I've sent nikki like 30 letters. You fucking know coz you fucking bastards have read them, every one of them, and then you probably throw them away, don't you ..? Bronwen: They were delivered, Rhonda, all of them. Ronni: You're fucking lying, bitch! Bronwen: No, I'm not. We've delivered all the mail you sent, and we've given you all the mail sent to you. Ronni: I know you're fucking lying, bitch. I know all about all your psych shit. You can't mind fuck me with this shit. Bronwen: Nobody's 'mind fucking' you, Rhonda. I'm telling you the truth. We sent your letters to Nicolette. We've given you all your mail. Ronni: Fuck you! Bronwen: Why don't you think Nicolette has written you, Rhonda? Ronni: She has, you fucking bitch! She's probably written me more letters than I wrote her. You just won't give them to me coz you're trying to mind fuck me. Bronwen: That's not true, Rhonda. None of your old friends have written to you, have they ..? Ronni: I know what fucking happened, bitch. Nikki Porno busted out of juvy, and she's coming here, and she's going to bust me out of here, and we're going to come and find you, you fat fucking cow, and nikki's going to get a dildo out and we're going to fuck your fat fucking ass, you fucking cunt! Bronwen: Rhonda, I think we'll continue this at another session. Ronni: Nikki porno's coming, you fucking cunt. She's coming for your fat cow ass. And we're going to double fuck your fat cunt and fat ass, you fucking cunt! You'll see! You'll fucking see .. I Dream of Her Death Roomful of God, Carbon-black cinder-bent Leaves petitioning What has called her back To dust Then some country road Dry to the miles I have tramped Over both our lives To where even she Cannot follow, To the shore of a field I can never cross How the asphalt Can never be the grass Or the empty spaces Now a freedom That I could once take Into my hands To murder Or hold To that last instant Where there would be A cease of being Two Is the way the wind Would have it be To the dust To the char-spent leaves Wailing In a room full of God