From dimitri@ihug.co.nz Wed Jul 23 11:01:05 1997 Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories.moderated,alt.sex.stories Subject: Smurfs! (m/f, oral, humour) From: dimitri@ihug.co.nz (Dimitri) Date: 23 Jul 1997 15:01:05 GMT -------- ATTENTION, ATEENTION : THIS IS A RIDICULOUS STORY ABOUT MALE/FEMALE SEX BETWEEN SMURFS, WHY ANYONE WOULD WRITE A STORY ABOUT SUCH LOVABLE, HAPPY CREATURES IS BEYOND ME - THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. ONLY READ THIS STORY IF THE THOUGHT OF SMURFETTE SUCKING A SMURFS COCK WHILE BEING DONE DOGGY STYLE DOESN'T MAKE YOU WANT TO PUKE, AND IF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR, THIS IS A FUN STORY, NOT MEANT TO GIVE ANY MESSAGE ACROSS, IT'S JUST FOR FUN! If you want to scream at me for being sick, write to - dimitri@ihug.co.nz - where you can request a list of other stories I have written. The Year 2784 A.D Sin Boo Bamp looked around nervously, as far as his optically enhanced eyes could register, there was no sentient life around, organic or otherwise. He heaved a sigh of relief and pushed the barrels forward down the hallway, until he reached the forbidding doorway. "Halt, came a voice,"No one is permitted beyond this point." "Over ride access, Alpha One Beta Seven," Sin replied to the computer, and the doors opened. He entered and looked around him, so this was it - the Time Machine! He had been fond of stories of time travel in his youth, and then the Time Machine had been invented, however it was soon discovered (actually, it was discovered before the test run, when the first test subject came back to warn them before he went) that anything organic in nature would be horribly mutated by time travel, so it had been forbidden. But still, the machine was here, and now his company had asked him to dump their waste products through the time machine, as it was still functional. He smiled at the thought, this was three hundred years of highly volatile toxic waste, compressed and stored inside three barrels, he would dump them into the time machine and send them back two thousand years, it seemed a nice round figure. The waste would mutate, but the metal barrels were designed to contain anything, and besides, they wouldn't need to make another drop for three hundred and fifty years, he figured he wouldn't be around to be arrested then! The Year 784 A.D Papa Smurf smiled as his little Smurfs danced around a large circle, singing his favorite song. "La la, la la, la la, la, la la la, la!" they sang, Papa Smurf wiped a tear from his eye at the last la, that bit always got to him. As they finished he stood up on the table and waved to them to get their attention, they all turned and looked at him expectantly. "Well then my little Smurfs," he said with a grin,"The Harvest was certainly good this year, for which we have Farmer Smurf to thank!" They all cheered for Farmer Smurf, who jumped up on the table and motioned for silence. "Aye, I get the credit, but it was Hnady's ploughing machine that got my fields ploughed wghile I was sick!" Huge cheers rang up for Handy, who leaped up on a table and waited for them to quiet down. "Now now, sure I built the machine, but I couldn't move it, I have Hefty to thank for that!" A huge cheer rang up and Hefty....... Eventually every Smurf had been cheered for, and all were dancing happily and singing merrily, Papa Smurf was so proud of his Smurfs, who cared so much for each other. He sniffed the air, a rather pleasant odor came to his nostrils. "Greedy? Is that one of your cakes?" "No Papa Smurf," said Greedy, licking some cream of his finger,"They're all here, I promise." Suddenly the moon was blotted out, the smurfs looked up and saw three large objects falling towards them, they leaped out of the way, screaming in panic, as the three barrels of metal hit the ground, one of them shattering open as it did so, and a greenish ooze spilling out. "What is it?" cried Smurfette in panic. "I don't know?" yelled Papa Smurf,"But get back!" Before anyone could react, the ooze, seemingly hearing their voices, leaped forward into the air, the Smurfs turned to run, but they were too late, the ooze settled down over them, trapping them. Smurfette shoked on the green ooze, she struggled to free herself from it, but found herself trapped by strands as thin as gossamer but stronger than steel, she opened her mouth to scream and a large tentacle of green slid down her throat, she gagged on it and collapsed to her hands and knees. Her chest was on fire, she couldn't beleive the pain as she felt her skin being stretched incredibly, her body seemed to be stretching around her, making her grow slightly taller. Finally the pain receded and she was on all fours, panting heavily, her upper chest felt heavy, she rolled over and stared at the large blue mounds that had grown up on her chest, almost as if she had grown human breasts! And for some reason, the thought excited her. The next morning. Hefty's fist smashed the wooden fence to pieces as his clumsy blow missed Handy. "Stand still and fight!" roared Hefty in an incredibly deep voice, his bulging muscles glistening with sweat. "Try and hit me ya punk!" yelled Handy back, he too, was fairly well muscled, although the effect was ruined by a pot belly, bad teeth and halitosis. Hefty made another clumsy move, but as Handy dodged, the endomorph reached out with his other hand and grabbed him by the throat, lifting him into the air, choking the life out of him. "I'm the new leader of the Smurfs," yelled Hefty,"Anyone else have a problem with that?" Suddenly dust flew up around Hefty's feet, the large Smurf dropped Handy in shock and looked around, he gasped as he found himself facing Papa Smurf. But this wasn't the old Papa Smurf, this Papa was hugely muscled, even more so than Hefty, his grey beard was now shot through with brown streaks and a burning brown stick rested comfortably in his mouth. He held a metallic object in his hand. "I'm in charge here," Papa said angrily,"And don't you forget it!" Gargamel stretched uncomfortably on his wooden chair, he was having a bad dream, the Smurfs were making fun of him, how many years had he been trying to catch them unsuccessfully? He had no idea, but he had had enough, he awoke suddenly and glared about his hovel. "Enough is enough," he growled,"I'm gonna take out those Smurfs today!" "You talk the talk, but do you walk the walk?" yelled Hefty, kicking Handy in the gut. "Leave Handy alone," yelled Papa. "Why, because we all love each other and need each other?" he cried sarcastically, his voice lifting to the high falsetto that had been the norm for the Smurfs for so long. "No, because he's smart, and we need that - you we don't need so much, you're nothing but an ignorant strongarm with delusions of grandeur." "Why you!" he started forward, Papa pulled the trigger on the metal object he held, and again dust kicked up about Hefty, stopping him in his tracks. "What is that thing?" he yelled. "Just a little something that Brainy and I came up with," replied Papa Smurf, we need Handy's help in mass manufacturing them, I call them Uzi's, because they make dumb ass smurfs like you ooze blood!" "Heh, you wouldn't be so tough if you didn't have that damn uzi!" Papa smiled, and then threw the Uzi at Hefty, who caught it with a smile,"That was your last mistake old smurf!" he yelled and pulled the trigger.....nothing happened. "It's called a safety catch," laughed Papa, and suddenly he was moving, whirling about his arm shot straight out, his wrsit shot back, exposing the base of his palm, which slammed straight into Hefty's nose, smashing it and driving bone fragments back into his brain, killing him instantly. The rest of the Smurfs stared in shock, they had all been changed by the green, but none so drastically as Papa SMurf, who smiled at them coldly, spitting out his burning brown stick. "It's called a stogie, or a cigar," Papa yelled,"And if I ever catch anyone else using it again, then that's it, they can feed the worms with Hefty!" he walked away, Handy in tow, and the rest followed after a few moments more. "Quite simply," said Brainy, his gigantic head pulsating,"I can provide all the diagrams and so forth, give you temperatures and instructions, the physical part of it, the actual putting together, I'll leave to you." Handy nodded, trying not to stare at Brainy, whose body had wasted away to almost nothing, he sat in a floating chair, small metallic hands holding up his giant head. "Now Brainy, I noticed you put down a one to ten quotient on this steel mix, which requires a temperature of.........." he looked through the copious notes. "2987 degrees celsius," said Brainy simply,"And you're point?" "No Smurf could survive a heat of over......say......150 degrees celsius." "Of course, I have overlooked the human factor........" he thought for a second, then smiled,"Clockwork Smurf can survive such temperatures with the right upgrades." Handy grinned,"I'll get right on it." Smurfette's hand rested over her yellow fluff. "What are you doing now?" asked Papa Smurf, as he pulled his pants back on over his large cock. "I was a virgin until just now..." she said,"It kind of hurt." "Did it hurt when you came three times?" he asked with a grin. She smiled,"No, definately not." "Good, now I've picked out a couple of Smurfs for rewards at the ceremony tonight, you know what has to be done?" Smurfette grinned, a finger slipping inside her little blue slit,"Do I ever!" That night. There were no songs of lala this night, there was a large semicircle of 98 Smurfs, Papa Smurf stood on the podium, Hefty was the new fertilizer for Farmers crops. "Well you little fuckers," yelled Papa into the microphone system Brainy had come up with,"Not much work was done today, was it?" The Smurfs looked down quietly. "It's not like the old days, you don't pull your wait now, act like you're part of the team, you share Hefty's fate." Everyone was quiet, everyone had their eyes on Papa Smurf, even Sleepy was wide awake. "Now, a couple of Smurfs did work!" he yelled,"And they will be rewarded, and from now on, at the end of each week, at the ceremony, I'll pick out two Smurfs who did exempelary work, and they will be rewarded." The Smurfs looked at each other in surprise, what was going on? "Painter, Greedy, get up here!" yelled Papa Smurf, the two were standing next to each other, they looked extremely surprised, but hurried up onto the stage. "Painter was of huge help to Brainy today," yelled Papa Smurf,"Creating diagrams to help us in our plan......and what is our plan?" The other Smurfs knew this by now, they yelled as one. "TO TAKE THAT FAG GARGAMEL OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL!" none of them knew what a fag was, Handy had said so to Papa who had smiled and said that that ws the way it should be. "....good, and Greedy worked singlehandedly to make food for tonights ceremony, and didn't eat any of it!" A huge cheer went up around the Smurfs. "And now for the prize!" yelled Papa Smurf, and all the other Smurfs looked about expectantly. Smurfette stood up and walked onto the stage, she was wearing a small bathrobe that showed of her legs, suddenly it dropped and the Smurfs gasped collectively as they looked upon her nake body, huge breasts, newly grown from the Green, stood firm and proud, a lightly shaven blonde fuzz over her pussy lips and firm, shapely buttocks were given to inspection. "Greedy, Painter, enjoy your prize!" yelled Papa SMurf and the rest of the Smurfs gave a standing ovation. Smurfette approached Painter first, getting onto her knees in front of him, she grabbed his white pants and slowly lowered them, allowing his long member to spring free. She grabbed it with her hand, and slowly began to rub it, her palm slipped over his cock head, coating it in pre cum, which she then used to lubricate his cock, making it easier to masturbate. She began to slowly rub up and down his shaft. "Sacre Bleu," moaned Painter, then his eyes widened in shock as he felt her mouth engulf his cock, she quickly began to deep throat him, sliding his shaft to the hilt down her throat, she alternated between closing her lips firmly about his member, and sliding them freely over it, she pulled away and looked back at Greedy, whose cock was straining against his white pants. "Fuck my pussy!" she whispered, and Greedy started instantly forward, his pants falling down around his ankles, he got down on his knees as Smurfette got on all fours. As she began sucking Painters cock again, Greedy slid into her waiting hole, he moaned in pleasure as for the first time in his 125 years alive, he felt what a cunt was like. Painter grabbed Smurfette's head, and began face fucking her, driving his cock in and out of her mouth while Greedy had hold of her hips and was slapping against her ass. The two grinned at each other, then went back to concentrating. Just the sight of his cock Smurfette's cunt drove him crazy and he came wildly, spewing blue spunk into her. Painter came a few seconds later, his cum shooting down her throat, the two spent Smurfs fell back, gasping for air. "Smurfette, teach the other Smurfs why they should work harder!" Papa Smurf yelled. Smurfette spun around and began to finger herself, her large breasts heaving as she slid into herself. The other Smurf's all had giant erections, a couple of them reached for their crotches, until they heard the click, click of Papa's uzi. "If you work, you get sexual gratification," he said, his stogie moving up and down as he spoke,"If you don't, you get to watch, and that's it!" The Smurfs turned and looked back at Smurfettes writhing form as she slid three fingers into her willing hole, her juices spilling out onto the stage. She lifted one tit up to her mouth and began to suck on the red nipple, and several of the Smurf's moaned in desperation. One of them suddenly pulled down his pants and grabbed his cock, a shot went of and he fell to the ground, screaming, his hand was still around his cock, but now his cock and hand were no longer attached to his body. "Let him live!" yelled Papa Smurf, and no he can no longer feel sexual pleasure!" The other Smurf's ignored the crying Smurf to a certain extent, but many who had been reaching for cocks now stood at attention, watching as Smurfette wanked herself. Gargamel strode through the forest, he came upon a sign. "THIS WAY TO SMURF VILLAGE, SMURFS ONLY READ!" "Ah ha, they've made their last mistake!" yelled Gargamel, and started off in the arrows direction. "Ahh bruther," meowed Azreal, turned and walked back towards home. Gargamel came across the village at noon, he laughed loudly,"Come out Smurfs, and meet your doom!" No Smurfs came out. "Defy me will you!" yelled the Wizard and trod on the nearest toadstool house, he heard a satisfying scream, he started forward, crushing house after house, hearing scream after scream, until he came to the middle of the village, where a large toadstool house with the words 'Papa Smurf's House Here' written on a sign in front of the door. "At last!" cried Gargamel and trod on the toadstool, instead of a scream, he heard a laugh. "Wha......?" started Gargamel, then heard a rumbling noise, suddenly the ground beneath him collapsed, and he fell into a pit of spikes. "Gargamel is dead!" roared Papa Smurf, at the centre of the real village,"Brainy's tape recorders worked perfectly!" The Smurf's cheered. "Mass production of the Uzi's has begun!" roared Papa Smurf,"Soon we will stop the humans wherever they are!" "Hoorah!" "Humans have always been dangerous for the environment, but we Smurfs will never become a part of that folly! one day soon, the Smurfs will rule the world!" he yelled, wrapping an arm around Smurfette and feeling up her breasts. And the Smurf's went crazy. The Year 2784 A.D Sin Boo Bamp looked around nervously, as far as his optically enhanced eyes could register, there was no sentient life around, organic or otherwise. He heaved a sigh of relief and pushed the barrels forward down the hallway, until he reached the forbidding doorway. "Halt, came a voice,"No one is permitted beyond this point." "Over ride access, Alpha One Beta Seven," Sin replied to the computer, and the doors opened. He entered and looked around him, so this was it - the Time Machine! He had been fond of stories of time travel in his youth, and then the Time Machine had been invented, however it was soon discovered (actually, it was discovered before the test run, when the first test subject came back to warn them before he went) that anything organic in nature would be horribly mutated by time travel, so it had been forbidden. But still, the machine was here, and now his company had asked him to dump their waste products through the time machine, as it was still functional. He smiled at the thought, this was three hundred years of highly volatile toxic waste, compressed and stored inside three barrels, he would dump them into the time machine and send them back two thousand years, it seemed a nice round figure. The waste would mutate, but the metal barrels were designed to contain anything, and besides, they wouldn't need to make another drop for three hundred and fifty years, he figured he wouldn't be around to be arrested then! After sending the barrels through the time machine, he walked back down the corridor, out into the city. He looked about at the blue sky, a sky that matched perfectly the colour of his skin and smiled. "What a smurf of a day!" he smiled and began to walk home. -- +--------------' Story submission `-+-' Moderator contact `------------+ | story-submit@qz.little-neck.ny.us | story-admin@qz.little-neck.ny.us | | Archive site +--------------------+------------------+ Newsgroup FAQ | \ <URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/erotica/assm/> .../assm/faq.html> /