From dionysian1@hotmail.com Fri Aug 22 11:33:10 1997
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
Subject: NEW:  "Night of the Camel" by DG  (humor, short)
From: DG <dionysian1@hotmail.com>
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 1997 09:33:10 -0600
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Microsoft Word Document
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The following piece of fiction contains strong sexual 
content and is meant to be read only by adults.  If you 
are not at least 18 years old, or if you are offended by 
this type of material, please do not read any further.
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		"Night of the Camel"
		      by DG


      Colonel Humberto Hurtado followed his Indian guide up 
the steep mountain trail, gasping for breath in the thin air, 
his eyes fixed on the rocky ground that rose inexorably in 
front of him.  After what seemed like an eternity the guide 
stopped, and Hurtado, his face locked into a mask of effort 
and pain, almost ran into him.  

      "We rest here," said the guide, his first words since 
dawn.

      Hurtado noticed that they were on a rare patch of level 
ground, and then he realized with relief that they had 
reached the top of the pass.  Spread out in front of them 
along the horizon was a wide golden band, shimmering and 
hazy, like an apparition.  The great Kahlarine desert.  

      The guide grunted and pointed, and Hurtado followed his 
outstretched arm and saw a tiny walled settlement nestled in 
the dry hills right at the edge of the sand.  Fort Amatilla:  
the furthest, most remote outpost of Her Majesty's far-flung 
empire.

      He reached into his backpack and dug out the last chunk 
of stale bread, and after wolfing it down he treated himself 
to a long draught from his canteen.  Then he nodded to the 
guide, and they set off on the long descent that would take 
them into the hellish heat of the otherworldly landscape 
below.  

      He reached the front gate of the fort a few hours 
later, trudging alone along the desolate, sun-baked track.  
His guide had left him once they had reached this road, if 
you could call it a road;  he had nodded to Hurtado with a 
hint of sympathy around the edges of his impassive face, and 
then turned and headed back up the mountain at a rapid pace.  
A few seconds later Hurtado remembered that he should really 
have given the man a few reals, and he turned around and 
reached into his pocket.  But the man was gone, as if he had 
never existed. Hurtado shrugged philosophically; after all, 
Indians had no use for the metal coins of a civilized empire.

      He wasn't surprised when a young man in a major's 
uniform marched stiff-legged out of the front gate and 
saluted him.  In this flat, treeless country he had been 
visible on the road for a least an hour.  He returned the 
major's salute wearily, painfully conscious of his own 
filthy, sweat-stained uniform and unshaven face.

      "Welcome, Colonel.  We have been expecting you.  My 
name is Major Ramon Dilantro.  I hereby turn command of Her 
Majesty's Fort over to you."

      Hurtado nodded formally.  "Thank you, Major Dilantro."

      "Would you like to conduct your initial inspection now, 
sir?"

      Hurtado wanted nothing more than a meal, a bath, and a 
comfortable bed.  But custom dictated that he tour this 
Godforsaken fort and meet its unfortunate inhabitants 
immediately.

      "Certainly."  He followed the young man inside, noting 
the thick stone walls with approval.  The twenty-three 
soldiers he was to command were lined up single file on the 
dusty floor, and they pulled themselves to attention as he 
came in.  They were all painfully thin, and their uniforms 
were threadbare and patched, but they were more or less  
clean, and none of them seemed drunk.  As he formally greeted 
each one, he wondered what unfortunate circumstances, what 
grievous misconduct, had caused them to be assigned to Fort 
Amatilla.  No doubt they were wondering the same thing about 
him.

      After meeting the men, he toured the inside of the 
fort.  The men slept in wooden bunks along the walls, while 
as commanding officer he had one corner for his living 
quarters, walled off with hanging blankets.  The inspection 
didn't take long.  Once he was satisfied that the cannon were 
in good working order and that the interior of the fort was 
reasonably well-kept, he wasn't inclined to ask many 
questions. 

      "The men all seem to be sober and well-behaved," he 
remarked to Dilantro when they were finished.  "Is discipline 
not a problem in such a place?"

      "No one wants to be here," admitted Dilantro.  "But we 
make the best of a bad situation, and morale is reasonably 
good.  Drunkenness is not an issue, of course - there is no 
alcohol within three hundred miles of here."

      "I see," replied Hurtado heavily.  "The time must pass 
very slowly.  We both know there is precious little chance of 
seeing any action, with the recent treaty...how do the men 
amuse themselves?"

      "It's not easy, sir.  During the day it is too hot to 
do anything but talk.  At night the men play cards and dice, 
and sometimes there is singing.  But for true amusement, the 
kind of amusement that all men require from time to time, we 
have only our one camel.  Each man has the use of the camel 
for a night, in rotation."  He gave Hurtado a nervous, 
sidelong glance.

       The animal in question was a shaggy, smelly beast 
tethered to a post near the back of the fort.  Hurtado was 
deeply shocked by the obvious meaning in Major Dilantro's 
words, and his first impulse was to reply angrily.  He was a 
decent man, proud to be an officer in Her Majesties army, and 
to have such a thing spoken of openly...it was terrible.  

      But he was tired, bone-tired, and he was loath to make 
a scene so soon after taking command.  There was also a 
little voice in the back of his head.  A voice that said 
"Humberto, perhaps you should not judge these men until you 
too have spent many months here...Are you not a man of hot 
blood, a man of strong passion?  Is that not how you came to 
be here in the first place?  Perhaps you will have a 
different view about the camel in time."

      He realized that Dilantro was looking at him anxiously, 
waiting for some sort of reaction.

      "It is, I hope, a female camel?"

      "Why yes sir, it is.  Her name is Mathilda.  But the 
men would be equally happy with a male camel, I imagine."

      This was too much.  It was enough to turn his stomach.  
He nodded curtly to his second-in-command and went into his 
private quarters.



      Time did pass slowly at Fort Amatilla, and it passed 
more slowly for its commander than for anyone.  He had many 
long, hot, dusty hours to reflect upon the woman he had left 
in Sevilla and on the ruin of his once-promising career.  
Indeed, he could hardly reflect upon the one without finding 
his thoughts drawn to the other.  It was the old military 
story:  the wife of a superior officer.  A few months of 
bliss, and then his life had been turned upside down by a 
traitorous manservant.  He and his beloved Isabel had been 
flogged in public, and then he had been assigned here, forced 
to leave immediately.  They never had a chance to say 
goodbye, and probably never would.

      This alone would be enough to make a man melancholy, or 
worse, but there was also the matter of the camel.  Hurtado 
would pretend not to notice when, every evening around dusk, 
a man would untether the unpleasant beast and lead her out 
the front gate, accompanied by good-natured joking and 
teasing by his friends.  Many hours later, sometimes not 
until nearly dawn, the man would come back inside, dirty, 
smelly, and exhausted, with a ridiculous smile on his face 
and a friendly pat for the camel as he tethered her back to 
the post.  Yes, he pretended not to notice, but he did 
notice, and although he didn't put a stop to it, it affected 
his relationship with the men.  He quickly became the kind of 
distant, fault-finding commander that he himself had always 
detested, and the men learned to avoid him. 

      Months passed, many sleepless nights, and Hurtado 
became increasingly miserable.  The dislike of his men 
bothered him more than he cared to admit - he had always been 
popular with his fellow officers and with the enlisted men 
under him, and the cold stares, the sudden halt in the flow 
of conversation when he approached, was more than he could 
bear.  Added to this was the image of his lovely Isabel, 
always hovering nearby, ready to invade his thoughts whenever 
he let down his guard.  Her warm, loving embrace, her sweet 
lips.  And yes, her firm, creamy-white bosom and her hot, 
moist sex, always ready for him.

      The only thing he could do to improve his rapport with 
the men was unthinkable.  But he did think about it, late at 
night when the fort was quiet and dark, the silence broken 
only by the regular cries of "All's well" from the sentries.  
It was unnatural, detestable.  "And yet," the little voice in 
his head would whisper, "is it natural that a man should live 
in such a place?  Is it natural for a man to be without the 
company of women for months on end?"

      One night the little voice wore him out.  He simply ran 
out of moral strength, like an hourglass running out of sand.  
"Yes," he said out loud, softly.  "Yes, I will do it."  And 
then he turned over and slept more soundly than he had in 
months.

      The next afternoon he called Major Dilantro into his 
quarters.  Thinking he was to be disciplined, the young man 
shaved and presented himself in his best uniform.

      "You wanted to see me, sir?"

      "Yes.  Please, have a seat."

      Something in his commander's manner told Dilantro that 
he wasn't to be reprimanded, and he sat down with a look of 
relief.

      After a short pause, Hurtado said "The men don't like 
me."

      "Not at all, sir, they -"

      "No, no, we will have none of that.  They don't like 
me, and they have good reason.  I've been too hard on them.  
This is a command that calls for understanding and leniency, 
and I chose the opposite approach."

      Dilantro didn't object to this.  It was obviously true, 
and Hurtado was clearly in no mood to be humored.  

      "The real problem, and we might as well bring it out 
into the open, is with the camel."  He still couldn't bring 
himself to call her Mathilda.  "The men resent me for looking 
down on them.  They know I disapprove, on moral grounds."

      "They respect your feelings, sir.  And at the same time 
they are glad that you do not put a stop to it."

      "Yes, yes, but no man enjoys being judged a sinner by 
another."

      "No, sir."

      "I have thought about this long and hard, and I have 
decided that this has gone on long enough.  I would like you 
to put me into the normal rotation, so I can take my turn."

      Dilantro smiled.  "Very good, sir.  You shall have her 
tonight, of course, as is your right.  The men will be 
delighted to hear it, believe me."

      "Very well, then.  Dismissed."



      Word traveled fast in such cramped, intimate 
surroundings, and when Hurtado lifted the blanket and stepped 
out of his quarters at dusk the men smiled their approval at 
him, all coldness gone.

      As he nervously approached the camel, Dilantro appeared 
at his side and coughed discreetly.  "Let me explain the 
procedure to you, sir.  As you know -"

      "I think I can figure out the 'procedure', as you call 
it, Major," he replied angrily.  "Let us not speak of such 
things so callously."

      Dilantro looked surprised.  "As you wish, sir."

      Hurtado untethered the mangy animal and led her towards 
the front gate, painfully aware that everyone's gaze was upon 
him.  Fortunately there was no joking, no calling out, or he 
would certainly have lost his temper.  Then he was outside in 
the rapidly cooling night air, under a canopy of stars, and 
his spirits lifted.  He had been a fool to take such a moral 
stand.  It was not such a terrible thing, really.  Was it not 
a far worse thing to put yourself above your fellows, to make 
yourself out to be a saint?

      He followed Mathilda away from the fort, into the 
dunes.  She kept turning her head to look at him, wondering 
what they were about, and Hurtado would say  "No, no, a 
little farther" each time.  

      Finally it was fully dark out, or as fully dark as 
would get with a huge full moon hanging magically in the 
still night sky.  Hurtado stopped and looked back at the 
fort, now just barely visible.  "No sense getting lost," he 
said.  "This is far enough."

      Mathilda seemed to understand him, and she awkwardly 
lowered herself to the ground, bending first her front legs 
and then the back, in the unusual way that camels have.  Then 
she looked at him expectantly.

      Hurtado slowly unbuckled and lowered his breeches.  
With a muttered prayer for his immortal soul, he kneeled 
behind the camel.  The smell was almost overpowering, a 
tangy, musky stench that was a caricature of what a proper 
woman should smell like.  To his disgust, his prick had 
sprung to life, bouncing firmly in front of him as he 
shuffled forward.  He poked at her ineffectually, unsure of 
the exact location.  Just when he despaired of bringing this 
unspeakable act to completion, he tried a downward angle, and 
he slid in easily, losing his balance and toppling forward 
against Mathilda's warm haunches.  She looked around at him, 
her head swiveling comically on her long neck, and then 
looked away.  

      He tried a few experimental thrusts.  She was loose, 
and rather dry.  She was obviously no more attracted to him 
than he was to her.  He banged away half-heartedly, and then, 
to his surprise, he felt her lubrication forming.  With each 
stroke she felt smoother and more slippery, and soon he was 
picking up the pace and enjoying himself.  The fragrant  
camel juice continued to form, and soon it was flowing out of 
her in a continuous stream, coating his prick, then his 
balls, and then his legs.  Before long he felt a surge of 
pleasurable sensation in his loins, and his poor, aching 
balls gave up their long-held seed.

      He cleaned himself up as best he could and then he made 
his way back to the fort, feeling almost cheerful.  Now he 
was one of them; he was even looking forward to some good-
natured teasing - after all, what was teasing but a sign of 
affection?  The months to come would certainly be more 
pleasant, and pass more quickly, than the ones behind him.  

       He led Mathilda past the sentry and through the gate.

      "Sir!  You're back...what's wrong?  Did you get lost?"  
It was Dilantro, hurrying over with a look of concern.

      "No, Major, everything went fine.  Thank you."

      "But...what happened?"  Dilantro noticed the disheveled 
appearance of his superior officer for the first time, the 
strange stains on his breeches, and he wrinkled his nose at 
the terrible smell.

      "What happened?  I go off into the dunes with the 
camel, and you ask me what happened?"  He was angry now, 
raising his voice.  Out of the corner of his eye he could see 
some of the men looking at him with horror.

      Dilantro had a formal, faraway look on his face now.  
"I'm sorry, sir.  But it's a two-hour camel ride to the 
brothel on the other side of the ridge, two hours each way, 
and you have only been gone for an hour."

      And then Colonel Humberto Hurtado understood that the 
months to come were going to be very long ones indeed.


		The End


Yeah, I know, it's an old joke.  But besides being very funny, 
I always thought the joke had a certain pathos to it, even when 
told in just a few sentences.  I may regret asking for comments 
on this one, but my email is dionysian1@hotmail.com.
- DG