Chapter 3

After I cried myself out, I began to think about what I had seen,
and what it meant. I now knew why poor little Cindi had been
acting so strange. She did not want me to touch her - I could not
blame her for shying away from all men, even though it hurt to be
classed with those animals. But maybe I should be, after enjoying
what I had seen. Let me be perfectly clear on this point - I was
not turned on at all by the fact that she was forced and raped. I
was glad that still horrified me - I do not know that I could
have lived with myself if I had been turned on by that. No, it
was just the sight of her pretty little body, and the response of
her body as she came, seeing her for the first time as a female,
that turned me on.

I thought I also could see why she was fighting with Amy. Unfair
as it may be, she was blaming Amy for many of the things that had
happened to her. She had to suck cock, and swallow cum to protect
Amy. She had to rub balls, when she would rather have died than
do all those things, to protect Amy from being raped. In her
upset state of mind, she did not realize that a) she would have
been raped anyway. They just would have raped Amy also, or if
that was a bluff, just forced Cindi to do it anyway. I suspect
threatening to take Amy was a bluff - they just were turned on by
making her give in and do it of her "own free will". b) She made
the choice to protect Amy. I will always have a special love for
Cindi for protecting my little Amy like that, but it was not
Amy's fault.
She had nothing to do with it.

My problem now was what to do about the whole situation.
Obviously, I felt we should go to the boys' parents and the
police, but I felt that had to wait, since my wife was out of
town (again!). God, there were times I hated her job, whatever it
was! However, this had happened at least two weeks before, so
another day or two was not going to matter. A bigger problem was
how to go to the police about it and how to talk to Cindi about
it without using the tape. She was traumatized enough - I really
did not want her to know that her rape had been videotaped and
god knows who had seen it. Even worse, her daddy had seen it. I
could not do that to her, if I could possibly find another way. I
suspected it had not been widely viewed by the boys at school, or
some of her friends would have known. Some of those girls knew
everything that happened - it was uncanny. However, someone other
than the original boys had obviously seen it - it was unlikely
they had delivered the tape to me. In addition, was this the
original, or a copy? As good as the quality was, I suspected it
was the original, but I did not know. I had to do something about
that - I could not stand the thought of my baby finding out
through some sick locker room gossip that her rape had been
recorded.

As often is the case when there seems to be no clear way to go,
an opportunity presented itself the same day to deal with the
situation with Cindi. That evening, Cindi and Amy had another
fight. This one was bad enough that it finally even got to sweet,
gentle Amy, who never got upset about anything. I heard the whole
thing, and again it was Cindi that started it. That made sense to
me now. Amy got so mad, she stomped out of the room, yelled, "Go
to hell, bitch!", and slammed the door. I thought poor Amy was
going to die when she stomped into the living room and saw me
sitting there looking at her. What you have to understand about
Amy is that she is the original goody two shoes. Except with her,
it is all genuine. Until that day, I had never heard Amy say a
bad word, even "damn" or "hell". I didn't even know she knew such
words, much less "bitch". I doubt her mouth was capable of
saying, "fuck", if she even knew the word. She stopped dead in
her tracks, with a look of horror on her face, turned bright red,
mumbled "I'm sorry, Daddy", and then announced she'd had enough
and she was going over to Rebecca's house, three doors down. Then
she very quietly walked out of the house, closing the door softly
behind her.

I waited about 10 minutes for things to calm down, and then I
called Cindi into the room to talk to her. She walked in
belligerent, angry, snotty, with a chip on her shoulder, and said
"WHAT?!?" She knew she was in trouble, as she was just as shocked
by Amy's outburst as I had been. At first, I was mad, that she
would act that way to me, but immediately I was sorry for that
reaction, and my heart just melted for this poor little girl and
what she had gone through. I called her over to me, and when she
stomped close enough to me, I reached over, grabbed her hand, and
pulled her onto my lap, wrapped my arms around her, and hugged
her. I first saw the surprise in her eyes, as she was sure she
was going to be chewed out, not hugged. Then she tried to pull
out of my arms, but I would not let her go. She looked at me with
moist eyes and said, "Please let go of me, Dad". I thought I
would stop breathing when she said that, but I held on to her and
asked her "What's wrong, Cindi?"

"Nothing", she replied. "Why do you think something is wrong?"

"Well", I replied, "it could be that you have been a total bitch
to Amy tonight. It could be that you have been that way for about
two weeks now, or it could be that you will not even let your
daddy touch you, who loves you more than he can even tell you.
Which one do you want to pick?"

"Dad (Oh god, when did I become dad instead of daddy?), Amy is
such a snot, I am so tired of..."

"Cindi", I interrupted, "Cut the bullshit. I heard the whole
thing tonight, as well as several over the last two weeks. You
have started every one. Now, are you going to tell me what is
going on?"

She gave me a glare that would have put me in the grave if looks
could kill, and said nothing. I shrugged my shoulders, smiled,
and said, "You know, Cindi, I haven't gotten to cuddle with you
for two weeks, and I've really missed it. If you want to sit here
on my lap all night, that is fine with me. I'm rather enjoying
holding you, but I am not letting you go until you talk to me".

Suddenly, the dam broke. She laid her head on my shoulder, and
cried, sobbing her little heart out. I held her, stroked her
hair, and told her how much I loved her. I did not tell her it
was going to be ok, because I knew it might never be ok for my
little girl again. She sobbed her heart out for 15 minutes or so,
not seeming to be able to stop. Finally, she wiped her tears on
my shirt, looked at me, and wailed "Oh, god, daddy, I don't want
to be a slut, I don't want to be a whore!" She started to cry
again.

When she stopped crying again, I asked her what was wrong. What
did she mean by what she said? She said, "Oh daddy, I'm so
ashamed", and then, haltingly, began to tell me what had happened
to her two weeks ago. I played ignorant, not letting on I knew
all about it. That might seem cruel, making her relive it when I
could have saved her the time, but I felt it was important to get
her to talk. I still could not let her know I had seen her
"shame". I might have lost her forever if I let her know that.
She told it straight down the line, even about how she could not
stop the orgasms. She cried as she told me how hard she had tried
to keep her body from responding, but she just could not help it.
As she talked, I began to realize that she thought she was a slut
and a whore because her body had responded.

I explained very carefully how it was possible for a male who
knew what they were doing to make a female have an orgasm whether
she wanted to or not. I told her that did not make her a slut. I
told her that she had been raped, and that nothing her body did
after she said no changed that. I spent a lot of time holding
her, letting her know she was loved, that not all men were like
that, and that it was not her fault. After quite awhile, she
began to believe me.
Then I started to work on the other problem.

"Cindi, you need to stop blaming Amy for what happened to you".

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are, honey. I am so proud of you for protecting her,
and I will always love you in a special way for what you
sacrificed to protect her, but she had nothing to do with it and
it was not her fault. You have been being mean to her because
they used threatening her to get you to cooperate, and you blame
her for that. It's not fair". Her eyes got very big, and she
said, "Am I really doing that?" We talked it out for a while, and
then we just cuddled for quite awhile, with her on my lap, her
head on my shoulder, and our arms around each other. I thought
she had gone to sleep; she was so relaxed in my arms.

When the front door opened, Cindi immediately sat up as Amy
walked in. I saw Amy's eyes open wide as she saw Cindi sitting in
my lap, so obviously the opposite from the way she had been
lately. Then Cindi jumped up, ran over to Amy, threw her arms
around her in a tight hug, and started crying.

"Oh, god, Amy, I'm so sorry, I've been so mean to you, I love you
so much, please forgive me, I know it wasn't your fault, I'm
sorry". She kept asking her to forgive her and saying she was
sorry. Amy looked at me over Cindi's shoulder, confusion in her
eyes, and mouthed to me "what??" I mouthed back "just go with
it", and she shrugged her shoulders and hugged Cindi back,
telling her it was ok, she loved her too. Then they went into the
other room together, and I slumped back down on the couch,
breathing a big sigh of relief, totally exhausted. I knew we, and
Cindi, were not out of the woods yet. One hour or two of talking
was not going to solve all of Cindi's problems, but at least, for
the first time since I saw that movie, I was beginning to have
hope.