Tween Magazine: What Kind of Shoe Are You (no sex, humor) by this guy (thisguy.1066@gmail.com) Summary: A satire of the sort of reader's quiz one finds in magazines... What Kind of Shoe Are You? A Reader's Quiz I wear socks... Everyday 0 points Whenever I go outside 1 point To School 2 points If my parents make me 3 points For gym at school 4 points When the weather is cold 5 points Never 6 points How many different pairs of shoes do you wear regularly? Only one 0 points Two or three 1 point Four or five 2 points Six or seven 3 points Eight or nine 4 points Ten or eleven 5 points Twelve or more 6 points How often do you wear shoes with high heels? I've never worn high heels 0 points Only once or twice 1 point I only wear them on special occasions 2 points Maybe once a month 3 points Once a week 4 points Two or more time a week 5 points I wear high heels every day 6 points The most important thing in a pair of winter boots is... How warm they are 0 points That they are waterproof 1 point Good traction on snow and ice 2 points That they are comfy 3 points That they look cute 4 points Being able to wear them without socks 5 points The heel is at least 3" tall 6 points My favorite color for dressy shoes is: Brown 0 points White 1 point Black 2 points Blue 3 points Red 4 points Nude (or skin tone) 5 points Clear 6 points If my parents tried to make me wear socks I would Wear them, and not argue 0 points Complain a bit then wear them 1 point Complain a lot then wear them 2 points Argue, yell, and cry in hopes that they'd give up 3 points Put on socks at home, take them off when I go somewhere 4 points Wear boots so no one could see I didn't have socks on 5 points Throw-out all my socks: I can't wear that I don't have 6 points What part of a dressy shoe should be open None of it 0 points The top and sides of the toe 1 point The inside of the arch 2 points The back of the heel 3 points The back of the heel plus the top and sides of the toe 4 points The shank (under the arch of the foot) 5 points Everything but what's under my toes and heel 6 points The sole of a flip-flop should be how thick? Less than 1/4 inch 0 points Between 1/4 inch and 1/2 inch 1 point Between 1/2 inch and 1 inch 2 points Between 1 inch and 2 inches 3 points More than 2 inches 4 points The heel should be at least twice the thickness at the toe 5 points So long as the heel is at least 4 inches it doesn't matter 6 points What is the highest heel highest you've ever worn? 1 inch or less 0 points Between 1 and 2 inches 1 point Between 2 and 3 inches 2 points Between 3 and 4 inches 3 points Between 4 and 5 inches 4 points Between 5 and 6 inches 5 points More than 6 inches 6 points If you could get a pair of shoes made from any material, what material would you choose Canvas 0 points Rubber 1 point Sharkskin 2 points Natural leather 3 points Natural suede 4 points Alligator skin 5 points Silk 6 points Scoring: Total number of points: You're... 0-9 A Penny Loafer 10-19 A Flip Flop 20-29 A Canvas Sneaker 30-39 An Ugg 40-49 A Crystal Slipper 50-59 An Open Toe, Open Heel Knee-boot 60 A Platform Toe, Eight Inch Stiletto