Tween Magazine: Thinness Quiz (no sex, humor)

by this guy (thisguy.1066@gmail.com)

Summary: Satire of reader quiz for thinness that might appear in a 
magazine geared towards tweenage girls…



One of the most important things a tweenage girl can be is thin.  
Complete the following series of THINNESS TESTS to determine whether 
you’re thin enough, a little chunky, or way too fat.  This is a hard 
quiz: it requires doing math!


Test 1
PRINTER PAPER
Wearing your favorite bikini, stand in front of a full length mirror.  
Hold a standard piece of printer paper vertically directly in front of 
your belly / waist and take a pic of your reflection.  

If along the entire length of the piece paper none of your skin is visible 
on both sides: 
1 point

If at some point along the length of the piece of paper none of your skin 
is visible on both sides: 
2 points

If there is no point along the length of the piece of paper where your 
skin is not visible on boths sides: 
3 points


Test 2
BELLY BUTTON
Wearing your favorite bikini, stand in front of a full length mirror.  
Put your left arm behind your back and hook your wrist around your waist 
so your fingers are over your belly and take a picture of your reflection. 

If your belly button is completely covered by your hand: 
1 point

If your fingertips are just touching your belly button: 
2 points

If your fingertips don’t reach your belly button: 
3 points

If you can’t get your hand in front of your belly: 
4 points


Test 3
INDEX CARD
Wearing a short sleeve or sleeveless top, wrap the long dimension of a 
3x5 index card around your right wrist.  

If your wrist is completely covered by the index card with an overlap of 
more than 1 inch: 
1 point

If your wrist is completely covered by the index card with an overlap of 
less than 1 inch: 
2 points

If your wrist is not quite covered by the index card with less than a 
quarter inch of skin showing: 
3 points

If your wrist is not entirely covered by the index card with more than a 
quarter inch of skin showing: 
4 points


Test 4
DOLLAR BILL
Wearing shorts, a skirt, a dress, or your favorite bikini and no shoes 
or socks, wrap the long dimension of a dollar bill around your right ankle.  

If your ankle is completely covered by the dollar bill with an overlap of 
more than 1 inch: 
1 point

If your ankle is completely covered by the dollar bill with an overlap of 
less than 1 inch: 
2 points

If your ankle is not quite covered by the dollar bill with less than a 
quarter inch of skin showing: 
3 points

If your ankle is not entirely covered by the dollar bill with more than a 
quarter inch of skin showing: 
4 points


Test 5
CLAVICLE (aka collarbone)
Wearing a strapless top stand in front of a full length mirror; have a 
friend place quarters (standing on edge) on top of your right clavicle 
(or collarbone).  Your friend should continuing adding quarters one at a 
time until the last one added rolls down the front of your chest.  Your 
friend counts the quarters.

If there are more than 40 quarters on your clavicle: 
1 point

If there are between 30 and 40 quarters on your clavicle: 
2 points

If there are between 20 and 30 quarters on your clavicle: 
3 points

If there are less than 20 quarters on your clavicle: 
4 points


Test 6
THIGH GAP
Wearing your favorite bikini, stand barefoot with your feet next to 
each other.  Have a friend measure the space between your thighs.

More than 2 inches between your thighs: 
1 point

Between 1 and 2 inches between your thighs: 
2 points

Less than 1 inch between your thighs: 
3 points

No space between your thighs: 
4 points


Test 7
BIKINI BRIDGE
Wearing a bikini bottom, lay on your back. Have a friend measure the 
distance the waist-band of the bikini is lifted up above your belly.

More than 2 inches between the waist-band of the bikini and your belly: 
1 point

Between 1 and 2 inches between the waist-band of the bikini and your belly: 
2 points

Less than 1 inch between the waist-band of the bikini and your belly: 
3 points

No space between the waist-band of the bikini and your belly: 
4 points


Tests complete add up your results

Total score

12 or less:   YOU QUALIFY AS THINSPIRATION, keep doing what you’re 
doing

13 to 17:     YOU’RE A LITTLE PLUMP, better drop a few pounds before you become fat

18 or more:   YOU’RE A LARD ASS, lose weight immediately