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 Tween Magazine: The Alphabet of Woman (no sex, humor)

   by this guy (thisguy.1066@gmail.com)

   Summary: Satirical spoof of the sort of bad humor piece one might find
in a magazine geared towards tweenage girls...



   The following is a transcript of comedian Hugh Jass' stand-up routine
"The Alphabet of Woman" submitted to Tween Magazine by his tweenage
daughter, Tina Jass.

   We all know women are amazing creatures...so amazing that they've got
more than one word for every letter of the alphabet...

   A-cup, ass, anal, active, ankle-bracelet

   B-cup, breasts, boobs, bitch, bitchy, bossy, bra, butt, bracelet,
beaver, bikini, busty, beautiful, blowjob...if you're lucky you might get
one of those

   C-cup, cup-size, cunt, cute, chunky, cheeks, collarbones, clit, cumslut,
cream-pie, cameltoe...that's a big one

   D-cup, double-d, ditz, date-able, douche, dress, diamonds, diamond ring,
daughter, divorce, deep-throat

   espadrille, easy, eye-liner, eye-lashes, eye-shadow, earing,
emasculating, ex

   fuck-hole, French kiss, freaky, flip-flops, foxy, feminazi

   girl, gal, gash, grunt, gasping, gold-digger, gift, G-string, g-spot,
girlfriend

   hot, hottie, high-heels, hooker, hens, honeymoon

   insane, implants, irrational

   jezebel, jewelry

   kinky

   loose, loving, lips, lipstick, liposuction, Lolita, lesbian, luscious,
lover, lustful

   motor-mouth, mound, make-up, mother.  marriage

   no means no, no way, not tonight, nickers, nipples, nail polish

   obtuse, obsessive, orgasm

   pussy, pussy lips, penetration, PMS, panties, pantyhose, perfume,
pierced, present, pregnant, porn-star, psycho...sounds like it starts with
"s" but it really starts with "p"

   quiet...no that's not true

   ring, rim-job

   sexy, stunning, sensuous, stripper, streetwalker, sultry,
silent-treatment, skirt, sandals, shaved, sister, swallow

   twat, twit, tramp-stamp, tramp, tattoo, thong, tea-bagging,
topless...good luck getting that one

   up-tight, un-stable

   virgin...yeah right

   waxing, witch, wine, whine, wrong (as in what you are), whore, wife,
wedding

   xenophobic...they really are

   young, youthful, yammering-away
   zit cream