Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Society for the Endangerment of Minors, Advice, Keeping Your Activities from Causing Legal Troubles (hum, ped) by this guy (thisguy.1066@gmail.com) Summary: Advice on how to hide what you do from others... The biggest problem with the sort of things we, as Members of the `Society for the Endangerment of Minors', face is that the vast majority of the activities we enjoy / participate in aren't exactly legal. So as your loyal, faithful, and dutiful EndangermentCoach; I've assembled some advice to help keep your activities from causing you legal troubles. CERTAIN PROFESSIONS NOTICE SIGNS OF ENDANGERMENT People in a number of professions are taught / trained to notice a number of signs of a child being subjected to endangerment. Doctors and nurses, as well as pretty much anyone else in the medical community (including EMT's) have this training, and are legal required to report any suspicions of endangerment they have. The easiest way to avoid the suspicions of the medical community is to claim to be a member of a religious group that doesn't believe in `modern medicine'. Teacher, librarians, daycare workers, and professional tutors have this training as well. Home schooling is the most effective solution to this particular problem; just claim to be a member of a religious group that doesn't believe in Sex Ed', evolution, and the big bang theory and you won't have any issues. Police and other members of the law enforcement community are also trained to notice signs of child endangerment. Unlike the other groups who will notice the signs of your activities, members of the law enforcement community are encouraged to actively investigate their suspicions. The best thing you can do to avoid the suspicions of the law enforcement community is to avoid dealing with members of the law enforcement community: make sure your home and yard are well kept so no one reports you for health and safety violations, drive an average car (one that is easily forgettable and blends in with others in your area) and don't drive too fast or erratically, dress like others in your community, don't do illegal things (avoid illicit narcotics in particular) which could get you arrested... KIDS LIKE TO TALK Kids like to talk to people they trust about things that have been happening in their lives. Types of people kids tend to trust include; relatives (grandparents in particular), neighbors, teachers, uniformed police and firemen, doctors and nurses, as well as other kids (their friends as well as kids they've just met). This is where home schooling has extra advantages: police and firemen often talk to kids at schools (to help build respect for what they do, and in an attempt to root out parents who might be actively endangering them), schools have teachers and a nurse, most schools have a librarian, and every school has lots of kids. The less people your children know, the less people they are likely to trust; therefore the less people they might tell about your activities with them. Making sure your kids know not to tell people about what happens in their lives / your home is also important. Spanking kids every now and then when they mess up / do something wrong will help reinforce this in their minds. EVIDENCE OF YOUR ACTIVITIES If you do end up getting "caught", at the end of the day, the powers that be will have a difficult time prosecuting you if they can't find any hard evidence of your activities. The simple solution is: don't keep evidence of your activities. Now what does that mean exactly? Simply put, don't film or take pictures of what you do. If you really feel the need to have videos and pictures of your activities (to remind you of past accomplishments) there are a number of things you can do to make it harder for those items to be used against you. If, for example, you take pictures and no faces are visible in the pictures it becomes pretty hard to tell who the pictures are of. Of course if you hide them well enough that they don't get found, there's nothing to worry about. HIDING EVIDENCE OF YOUR ACTIVITIES If you are determined to have videos and or pictures of your activities make sure to hide them well. Digital technology makes this much easier: memory cards are physically small but can hold a fair amount of data. Great hiding spots for memory cards include; behind the leafs of door hinges, behind the cover-plates of light switches, between the soles and insoles of shoes, inside a VHS tape (electrical tap required). Places to avoid hiding memory sticks; inside a computer or other electronic device (too much heat), inside the spare tire of your car (if you have to use the spare tire the memory stick will be physically destroyed), inside a light fixture or kitchen / laundry appliance (too much heat).