ManliCorp's Guide to the Female Language (humor, no sex)

by this guy (thisguy.1066@gmail.com)

Summary: A satirical take on what guys think women mean...



Numerous studies have shown that men and women speak different languages.  In 
light of these findings, the powers that be here at ManliCorp have decided to 
assemble a translation guide to help young men (and soon to be men) to 
understand the female of the species...

Words between quotation marks are the words a woman might say.  Words between 
square parenthesis [ ] are physical actions a woman might do.

The left column is what a woman does and/or says, the right column is what 
she actually means.

"no" 			=	yes

[drunk]			=	do me

"not sure"		=	if you want

[silence]			= 	go ahead

"get lost"			= 	take me, I'm yours

[alone with you]		= 	go for it

"don't cum in me"		=	I'm on the pill, but I don't want you to think I'm a slut

[passed out]		=	whatever you want to do with / to me is cool

"put on a condom"		=	I'm on the pill, but I don't want you to think I'm a slut

[shaking head no]		=	grab my ass

"I said no"		=	don't bother with a condom, put it in me NOW

[smoking cigarette]	=	I want anal

"you bastard"		=	you're the man

[asleep in public]		=	please gangbang me

"I was sexually assaulted"	=	he didn't buy me a present

[short skirt, no panties]	=	I'll have sex with any guy I meet

"he raped me"		=	he didn't give me an orgasm

[wearing high heel shoes]	=	I like turning guys on

"you're a good friend"	= 	why haven't you fucked me yet, are you a homo?

[has a tongue stud]		=	I like giving guys head

"I'm a virgin"		=	I think I'm ugly: tell me I'm beautiful

[wearing big sunglasses]	=	I'm currently stoned

"I'm saving myself until I get married"	=	I'm a prude or closeted lesbian

[wearing bright red lipstick]	=	pay attention to me

"I'm pregnant"		=	I really want to get married