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 Coming Soon to the Wacky Sportz Network (humor, no sex)

   by this guy (thisguy.1066@gmail.com)
Summary: Ads for bizarre televised sporting events...



   Tune in tomorrow at noon for the fifteenth quarterly `Pregnant
Octathalon', televised live from the Caribbean's beautiful Santa Puta
island.  Fourteen contestants ranging in age from 16 to 31, all of them at
least seven months pregnant, will competed head to head in eight
consecutive events.

   This time around they'll be starting off with Twerking for exactly 8
minutes.  They will then drink eight single shots of 180 proof grain
alcohol, before doing an 80 foot long tightrope suspended eight feet above
a pool heated to a balmy 140-dregees Fahrenheit.  Any contestant who falls
off the tightrope will have to start that event over.  Once they've made it
all the way across the tightrope, they will chain-smoke eight filterless
160 mm cigarettes before drawling through 80 feet of mud chilled to a
frigid 35-degrees Fahrenheit.  After getting out of the mudpit, contestants
will sniff a permanent marker eight times before the final and longest
event in the history of the `Pregnant Octathalon': an 800 yard unicycle
ride.

   The winner will receive a $200 gift certificate for Cadmium Craft of
China, a $250 gift certificate to Makeup Hut, a case of twelve 9-ounce
bottles of SkinBronzer TanningOil, and a case of twelve 750ml bottles of
CrystalClear grain alcohol.

   ***

   Tonight at 8:00 on the Wacky Sportz Network, a new episode of `Drunken
Brawls'.  Watch as the drunkest fans of the drunkest football club in all
of Brittian battle it out with Canadian tourists on a pub-crawl.  Then see
what happens when Russian immigrants get loaded at an Irish pub.  Don't
miss `the battle of the drunken baby-daddies'...

   ***

   At 9:00, KillaKik presents `Pregnant KickBoxing': the sport that has the
whole world saying "no they didn't".  After an undefeated run through the
preliminaries, the farmgirl from Georgia, Daisy Bach will go toe-to-toe
with last year's champion Harlem's very own, Harika Brown...this should be
an explosive bout...

   ***

   Tonight at 9:30 on the Wacky Sportz Network, "Vintage Videos" the 1953
midget tossing championship from Sinsinatti.

   ***

   And at 10:00, for those who'd like to make a wager, CrystalClear
sponsors `Drinking Contest: Pregnant With Twins'.  Three women, all of whom
were confirmed to be carrying twins by sonogram, go shot-for-shot.  Put
your money on the woman who's twins will really be able to `tend bar', or
put your money on the woman you think will drop first: betcentre.co will be
accepting all bets for this live televised event.