Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Cute Little Smoker, Reader Tip of the Month (no sex, humor)

   by this guy (thisguy.1066@gmail.com)

   Summary: Satirical article from a fictional magazine that encourages
youth smoking.



   READER TIP OF THE MONTH

   This time our `reader tip of the month' comes to us from Seymour "Mour"
Kouff.  He is an EMT in Spitfield, home to the world renowned Tar-Hock
Institute.

   My ex-girlfriend was a single mother to three great kids.  The only real
issue I had with her kids was the fact that they were always telling me,
and their mother, that we shouldn't smoke because they were convinced that
we were gonna get cancer.  I tried telling them that people don't get
cancer until they get old, but that didn't seem to help.  I told them about
the study that the Tar-Hock Institute had done; the one that showed a
person has to smoke 148,000 cigarettes to have a 5% higher chance of
getting cancer at some point than a person who never smoked a single
cigarette.  That didn't help either.

   Then, one day I mentioned to their mother that I had to take one of
their elderly neighbors, Mr.  Shawors, to the hospital again because he was
having trouble breathing again.  The kids started saying that "he couldn't
breathe because he had smoked too much".  I told them what he had told me
the previous time I had to take him the hospital: that he'd never smoked
once in his life.  Their mother told them about how Mr.  Shawers was an
example of clean living: he didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't eat salty or
fatty foods, exercised regularly...and the list went on.  The kids asked
why he was having trouble breathing; I didn't want to get into all the
medical details about why or how fluid kept building up in his lungs, I
simply told them that his lungs kept filling up.

   A couple days later, all three kids had to watch another one of those
anti-smoking propaganda videos meant to scare kids at school.  That night
the youngest asked me if it was true that people who smoke have less cilia
in their lungs.  I told him it was true, and that non-smokers' lungs are
full of cilia.  He seemed really scared and asked why smokers have less
cilia in their lungs.  I explained that the tar in the smoke coats the
cilia, which in turn destroys them.  When I asked him why he seemed so
scared, he told me that he didn't want his lungs to be full of nasty
cilias. He went on to tell me that the idea made of lots of nasty cilias
crawling around in his lungs made him feel sick, before asking how many
cilias smoking a cigarette would destroy.  I told him that I didn't know
how, but explained that the cilia grow back when a person stops smoking and
the more a person smokes the more cilia get destroyed.  When he asked if it
was possible to destroy all the cilia in his lungs; I said it probably was,
but to do so would require smoking an awful lot.  He asked for a cigarette
and told me he was gonna smoke all the cilia out of his lungs.
   Within one week all three kids were smoking a full pack per day.