Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Chapter 11





   The ride to the local airport the next morning was glum.  Helen had
connections to the airport in Wenatchee where she would be boarding a
commuter flight flying a route servicing a number of small cities between
Wenatchee and Boise.  They would have stops in Yakima, Pasco, Walla Walla
and Lewiston before landing in Boise.  With all the stops it would be
mid-afternoon before she arrived home in Boise.  (End sentence at home? 
Boise repeated 2 x )

   With many promises and a chaste kiss for Duncan, Helen boarded.  Duncan
stood, a forlorn sight, watching until her plane was out of sight.

   Driving back to Chelan he decided the smartest plan was to drive his RV
to Boise, towing the little BMW.  They'd been planning on towing it on the
now aborted photo safari so he already had the tow equipment on hand.  It
would only take a few minutes to hook it up.  He would store his own small
car in Chelan and pick it up after he left Boise.

   He was on the road by late afternoon, feeling blue.  His cell phone rang
as he was crossing the Columbia River at the Pasco/Kennewick bridge.  There
was no traffic on the bridge so he answered it.  It was Helen and he told
her he would call her back as soon as he found a place to park.  He hadn't
got this old by splitting his attention between a call to his sweety and
jockeying the RV down the road.

   The news on Gerald was not good.  Helen had talked to the Doctor,
finally convincing him nothing he told her could be worse than what she was
imagining.  She was glad to find out what was wrong, but what he told her
wasn't much better than what she had been imagining.

   The Doctor suspected a brain tumor, which would be bad enough in any
case but there was more.  Without further tests he couldn't be sure but he
feared it was cancerous.  They would know more the next day and the Doctor
didn't want anyone flying apart before they knew for certain.

   Helen had gone home and immediately gone online to discover what she
could about Brain Cancer.  None of it was good, most of it was terrible.

   Depending on the tumor's location and on how extensive it was, the
prognosis was anything from possible minor mental impairment to an
unpleasant death.  The worst case scenario had Gerry dying within weeks.

   It was possible to surgically remove a tumor, depending on where it was
in the brain.  Brain Surgery was never easy; there was no need to explain
what a minute slip of the knife might do.  If it was cancerous however,
even removal was questionable.  Cancerous tumors sent tendrils throughout
the brain, making removal impossible.

   The Doctor, who admittedly was no an expert in the condition, was very
pessimistic.  To him the symptoms indicated an advanced tumor in an
inoperable area of the brain.  If it was cancerous he feared the tumor had
already sent out tendrils.  If this was the case he expected personality
changes and loss of motor skills at the minimum.

   It was possible the tumor had been there for years.  Gerald had
complained of headaches for years, refusing to see a doctor for such a
minor everyday problem.

   Like plotting a Hurricane, each such tumor had its own life to run. 
What scared Helen was reading that some tumors might grow slowly for years,
then suddenly explode.  Like all cancers, if it was detected in time they
can be defeated.  Helen feared, believed, this had been growing for years.
If so, that would account for the slow changes in her husband's behavior.

   As Duncan expected Helen was terrified.  He promised to be in Boise
sometime the next day, planning to make the drive only stopping for naps
and meals.  If there were any kind of delay he would call, but she was to
look for him sometime tomorrow evening.

   For the first time he confessed his love for her.  Then he promised that
he wouldn't let it get in the way of any decisions she needed to make about
her life.  He agreed her marriage was and should be currently the center of
her life.  He told her this so she would know he would be there for her and
hers as long as she needed him, she had no worry about him being there for
her, at least until this nightmare was handled.  There were no strings
attached to his help and he would not get in the way of what she saw had to
be done.

   He pulled into a rest area soon after, made a meal, then took a nap.  He
was up and on the road again well before midnight.  Driving carefully and
taking a break every hour or so to eat and in some cases nap he called as
he neared Boise to ask for directions to her home.  It had been a fast trip
with the RV, and he planned to stop and make dinner in the RV, eating
before he arrived.

   Arriving at the address for the Conningham home he saw a large two story
white colonial.  From its size Duncan guessed it had five, maybe more
bedrooms.  Helen opened the door as he stepped onto the porch.  Drawing him
inside she introduced him to her daughter Holly and to Conrad, her son. 
Neither of the young adults took askance at a strange man delivering their
mother's BMW.  Instead they took their cues from the way their father had
reacted when he heard Duncan was coming.  The unexpected, obvious near hero
worship with which Gerald had greeted the news he was coming smoothed over
what Duncan had feared would be a tense situation.

   Gerry wasn't there to greet him when he came in.  He had been too
exhausted to stay up and was sound asleep when Duncan drove up.

   Conrad had graduated in Accounting that winter from Idaho State
University there in Boise.  Holly had picked Idaho State and would be
living on campus.  She planned to major in Psychology.  This would be her
first year.  Neither one lived at home.

   It was later than Duncan had expected arriving and he was glad he had
stopped to eat.  Under the circumstances he pled being tired and was soon
bedded down in the guest room for the night.  He had no chance for talking
alone with Helen that night and hadn't expected to do so.  Much worse,
under the circumstances he didn't know what to say.  It certainly was no
time to discuss their relationship.  She didn't need that kind of pressure
now.  As he settled in for a troubled sleep he wondered if there would ever
be a time for them now.  He would try to speak with her privately the next
day.

   The next morning was hectic.  Helen made breakfast for Conrad, who had
spent the night "home" along with his sister who had moved into a dorm that
week.  Helen managed to get him off on time to his new job, assuring him
she would call him if his dad took a turn for the worse.

   Holly slept in, exhausted worrying about Gerry.  Her first University
class would be next week.  She was starting with the Summer Quarter and she
figured this was her last "sleep in" until that was over.  She was hoping
to be far enough along in her studies to go for her Master's Degree in
three years.  Duncan thought it very daunting, considering she hadn't yet
attended her first lecture.

   When Gerry pulled himself out of bed he was obviously hurting.  He knew
Duncan was due in last night and wanted to thank him for his kindness and
didn't allow himself the extra time in bed his condition asked for.

   Duncan came downstairs soon after Conrad left, showered but not
particularly rested.  Helen suspected that like herself, sleep hadn't come
easy or early.  Duncan discovered Gerry sipping coffee at the kitchen table
and reading the paper with Helen sitting across from him.

   Looking up when he entered the kitchen Helen couldn't help the frisson
of love chasing through her at sight of him.  Helen prayed her husband
didn't pick up on some of the strange vibes filling the room.

   It was a strange situation; now that she had an idea what had been
happening with her husband she understood his changed behavior.  With that
understanding much of her affection for him had returned.

   But even with that her strong feelings for Duncan had not eased.  For
the life of her she couldn't set one aside for the other.  It was very
difficult.  For the first time she understood how a woman could love two
men at the same time.  The feelings for Duncan were different from those
she had for Gerry.  Different but just as strong.

   Breakfast was quiet, Duncan obviously deep in thought, Gerry obviously
slightly punchy from the pain medication he was taking.  Helen bustled
around, trying to pay personal attention to both men despite Duncan's
poorly hidden wish for her not to fuss over him.  That was enough to give
her a headache.

   When Holly finally joined them it was only long enough to eat some
toast. Then she too was off to do her thing, this time an afternoon at one
of her friend's house to bask for the last time in the idea they had
graduated from the public school system.  Most of them were going on to
college of course, but that just wasn't the same thing.  With her going the
three adults were left alone with their long thoughts.

   The day passed slowly, conversation stiff and formal.  Early afternoon
Gerry begged tired and went to lie down.  Duncan had been looking for this
opportunity to talk privately with Helen, both dreading and anticipating
the talk.  That was when Holly called needing her mother's immediate help
and she was off, with a quick apology, to help her daughter.  So much for a
private chat.

   Sometime after 4:00 Helen returned, going upstairs immediately to check
on Gerry and get their bedroom straightened up.  When she stepped in the
room she found him in bed, propped up on pillows.

   He greeted his wife with a small wave, "Helen, I was hoping you'd be up
soon.  I need to talk, honey.  The sooner the better."

   Helen answered guardedly, "Sure Gerry.  How you feeling?"

   "Good at the moment, but that's not what I want to talk about.  I've had
a lot of time to think since I left you in Ritzville.  Some things have
happened that opened my eyes, woke me up to myself.  If you have the
time... If this is a good time...  I need to talk, Helen.  Do you have
time, honey?"

   "Of course, dear."

   After a short pause Gerry continued, "I don't know exactly how to say
what I have to say.  Guess the best way is to just get started and let
things fall where they may." He paused a moment, "Somehow the last few
years I've lost touch with myself.  That's the only way I can explain it.
I've done some things I don't feel proud of, not at this moment."

   Silence stretched in the room.  Helen didn't know what to say, and when
she opened her mouth to speak her husband held his hand up to stop her. 
"Wait Helen, let me talk for awhile, you listen, just listen.  This isn't
going to be easy for me, and it grieves me to know it won't be easy for you
either."

   "Five years ago, more or less, I began understanding what it would be
necessary for me to do, to become...  to reach the next level in the
company I've been working for all these years.  I'm ambitious as you know,
and decided I had to change my "style" and become the man management
wanted. Don't worry; I never became a hatchet man.  But I bottled up and
put aside any compassion I had for the people working with and under me. 
Where before I would make allowances for personal situations my people may
be in, I quit doing that.  In plain words I became a complete bastard.  The
friendships I had with the people I worked with began withering but the
production of my department increased markedly.  Well, being completely
honest, it increased in the short run." He paused again before adding,
"That's also about the time those headaches started."

   "What happened to me was interesting and not good looking back on it. 
With my new attitude and the increased production my new attitude forced
out of my people upper management began promoting me rapidly.  The areas I
left soon faltered and returned to the production levels that were more
natural.  The new managers were blamed for the fall.  Understand, the
"improvements" I had brought about couldn't be sustained over the long
haul. Looking at it now it's easy to see.  People aren't machines, but like
machines they do break down with enough pressure.  I was gone, so the new
boss was blamed."

   "When I saw how my new attitude was pushing me up the ladder I got
greedy.  And worse yet, I became an egotist.  The success I was having at
the expense of the health of my employees, both mental and physical, I
attributed to my brilliance."

   There was a long, loud silence.  Helen tried to speak several times only
to be motioned to silence by her husband.  With his eyes fixed on his
hands, Gerry began again.

   "With my new attitude came a belief that the people working for me were
little more than tools for my use." Helen found herself caught in her
husband's anguished stare, "Honey, I used them!  And not just in the job.
If a woman was attractive I considered her to belong to me.  I seduced
several of my employees.  To my everlasting shame, I did things I have
always believed despicable, excusing myself because I "deserved" the
attention.  They were despicable, but they "felt" good."

   Helen was caught in his misery, while horrified at his confession at the
same time.  His voice dropped to a bare whisper, "So I did them.  I did
whatever felt good to me.  I pray now that those good ladies were strong
enough to keep their self respect and mental health after I tired of them."

   Helen's knees gave out and she found herself plopping down on the foot
of the bed, her hands covering her mouth.  Gerry could see the unshed tears
in her eyes.

   "Lordy, Helen!  It hurts so bad to tell you this.  If there was some way
you didn't already know of this or I could be sure you would never hear of
it I would never have told you.  I love you, Helen.  Despite my selfish,
hurting ways I do love you."

   Through her tears Helen saw her husband's tears streaking his cheeks. 
"Gerry, I love you too.  I do!"

   Before she could add anything, Gerry held his hand up to stop her
talking.  "I know you learned of my trip, Helen.  Maybe not all of it, but
you must know enough to doubt me.  And I know Duncan has been supporting
you after I abandoned you in Ritzville.  When he looks at you it is plain
to me he would like to be more than a friend.  But I know the man, even if
mostly by reputation.  He wouldn't make a move on another man's wife.

   "It hurts me to see this.  It really does.  Watching how you look at the
man hurts, too.  You are my wife and I know you love me.  But when I was
wandering the streets of Singapore I realized how badly I've treated you.
You have stood by me unswervingly all these years and instead of
appreciating it, I took it as giving me freedom to do whatever I wished."

   There was silence in the room again, broken only by Helen's muted sobs.

   Then Gerry spoke again, "I was listening to the Doctor's explanation,
honey.  It explained some of the things that have been going on with me the
last few months.  Before I left Singapore I did some heavy thinking.  There
have been "aberrations" in my behavior the last few months, maybe... 
probably longer.  The Doctor's comments gave me an explanation for some of
my actions.  My thinking gets twisted every once in a while.  There have
been times when I have looked back at something I've done or the way I've
behaved and wondered how I could have done them.  The brain tumor would
explain these.  And I heard when he was tiptoeing all around his prognosis
and my longevity."

   Gerry picked up a manila folder Helen hadn't noticed, handing it to her.
"This afternoon, instead of taking a nap I went online and did some
research on brain cancer.  And have no doubt, the Doctor thinks that's what
I have.  He won't be sure until he gets his laboratory tests back but if I
were a betting man I wouldn't bet against it."

   "Honey, I've been humbled the last weeks.  There are a lot of regrets I
have, the biggest is the way I began putting myself on a pedestal.  You
have been and continue to be a wonderful wife.  Don't ever question
yourself girl.  You have done and stood for more than I had any right to
expect..."

   Gerry tiredly lay back against his pillow, "Now, I DO need to rest. 
Call me for dinner, hon." Then he turned on his side and settled down.

   His wife sat on the bed for some time, watching him.  It took only a few
minutes before she knew he was indeed asleep.  She continued to sit
thinking while she watched him.  Then she got up to begin preparing dinner.

   - - - -

   Duncan watched morosely as Helen headed upstairs to see how Gerald was
doing.  He had wondered if conversation between Helen and himself would be
strained in the home she shared with Gerald.  Obviously it was true; hardly
a surprise with her husband diagnosed with cancer.  With everything that
had happened the past few weeks it would have shocked Duncan if it hadn't
been the case.

   He had no personal experience with this dealing with cancer among his
friends and acquaintances.  Therefore Duncan checked the internet the night
before last.  He discovered recovery rates were terrible.  The worst he had
heard of.

   He felt restless, staying under Gerald's roof the way he felt about his
wife.  Sure, Gerry had turned into a jerk but that was no excuse to pursue
his wife.  On the other hand Helen needed someone to lean on.  She
confessed she had no close family other than her children and a few of
Gerry's relatives, none of whom she felt close to.  He decided he would
hang out here as long as it looked like his presence was needed.  However
if things became strained here in any way it would be best he return to
Seattle.  He could return to Boise within hours if he was needed.

   As he pondered he realized he no longer thought of the man as Gerald. 
Somehow his view of the man had changed, now when he came into his mind it
was as Gerry.  Despite the circumstances that had introduced them Duncan
had gained some rapport and respect for him.

   At the moment Duncan feared Helen's need for his comfort was
dissipating. Yet wasn't that what he wanted, having her regain her strength
and the ability to stand on her own?

   Lost in these gloomy thoughts he almost missed the call coming in on his
cell phone.  Answering it he found himself talking to Daryl, his friend
from the private investigations company.

   "Duncan, I've been following up on the Gerald Conningham matter.  We
have some additional information you may have some interest in.  Want me to
give you a quick run down before I mail the report?"

   He sat up, wondering what else Daryl may have gathered.  "What do you
have?  Oh, and before you begin, I know Conningham returned to the states.
Actually I'm sitting in his living room as we speak.  What else do you
have?"

   "Well, there went part of my surprise.  We kept track of him, even
watching him transfer planes at SeaTac Airport on his way home to Boise. 
But we do have some disturbing news about the Administrative Assistant." He
waited a beat, not hearing anything from Duncan he continued, "She showed
up in Bombay, and we put a tail on her to see where she was going.  We lost
her there, and I don't think we'll be seeing her again.

   "Thanks Daryl, one question before you go, she was believed to be
carrying a very large sum of money.  Did she store it somewhere, or was she
carrying it when she disappeared?"

   "No sign of the money, Duncan.  She certainly wasn't carrying it with
her, and there was no sign of such in her luggage.  She may have sent it to
some "off-shore" bank.  Since the banking changes in Switzerland it isn't
as popular as it used to be, but you knew that.  Where do you want the
report sent?"

   "Hold it in your files.  I'll pick it up when I get in town.  I don't
see any reason to rub these folks noses in the mess.  You did a good job,
Daryl.  Thanks."

   At dinner Duncan told Gerry and Helen he would be heading home the next
day.  To his surprise Gerry was visibly upset, "Duncan, I'd like to talk to
you tomorrow.  I can't do it tonight; I seem to be running out of energy
entirely by 6:00 or 7:00 every night.  If I can talk you into staying over
at least one more day, I'd like to talk tomorrow.  Can you do that?"

   Duncan was caught off guard but there was nothing important he had to
see to in the next few days.  The men running his company were handling it
as competently as he ever had.  "Sure Gerry, I can stay around another day.
I've got no schedule."

   Duncan was up his usual time the next morning, feeling like the spear
bearer in an opera; necessary but really only taking up space.  Gerry came
down for breakfast.  The two men shared the meal with Helen.  Over coffee
Gerald asked him if he could talk with him in his home office.

   Following the man down the hall to his office Duncan noticed him weaving
almost imperceptibly, even stumbling slightly a couple times as he walked.
Gerry looked very tired.  Duncan wondered if the man had slept at all that
night, the bruising under his eyes showed how weary he was.

   Gerry stood aside, holding the office door open, letting Duncan enter
first, then shutting it firmly behind them.  He shuffled off to his desk
then seemed to collapse into the chair.  After a moment Gerry looked up and
caught the puzzled look on Duncan's face.  "Yeah, not as smooth as
yesterday am I?"

   Catching the questioning look Duncan was giving him; Gerry glanced down,
then looked up under his eyebrows.  He cleared his throat before hoarsely
adding, "Let's not walk around the issue, Duncan.  I heard what the Doc
said.  When I came home I looked Brain Cancer up on the internet.  I'm as
close to 100% gone as they come and still be walking around.  Some of these
symptoms I've had for a while.  I suspect my time is less than months. 
Maybe a couple weeks, maybe less.  I think you noticed as we left the
kitchen my coordination isn't as good this morning as it was yesterday
afternoon.  I'm not going to tell my wife, there's no reason to upset her
more than she is now.  There's no way that news would help her handle
this."

   There was silence in the room for a few minutes as the two men digested
Gerry's words.

   "What can I do for you, Gerry?" Duncan asked quietly.  "I'm feeling
uncomfortable just sitting around.  I don't have anything pressing back
home, but I don't understand how I can help by just being here.  At the
moment I feel like that third wheel."

   There was another pause before Gerry answered, "This is going to be hard
to say, Duncan.  And I want you to understand there's no animosity.  But
I've had a little time to think about the twists my life has taken in the
past four or five years.  Then this cancer thing landed on me.  How much do
you know about the trip I just came back from?"

   Duncan looked at him levelly, thinking about his answer, "Well, you and
your Admin Assistant ended up in Singapore after leaving Helen in
Ritzville. You ducked out on a vacation with your wife meant to reignite
your marriage.  Somewhere in there the Admin Assistant disappeared and you
spent time alone in Singapore before you came home."

   After another of the long pauses conversation in this house seemed so
prone to, Duncan continued, "Something didn't feel right when you left
Helen alone in Ritzville so I asked a company that does investigations for
me to find out what was going on.  I mean, Helen was very upset.  After I
got the report I still didn't understand leaving an attractive woman like
Helen stranded in a strange town." Another pause before he continued
quietly, "I wasn't going to tell Helen, but when she called me in Seattle,
just wanting someone to talk to...  Well I drove to Chelan and gave her the
report.  At the time I figured it was going to destroy any friendship she
and I had developed.  Still, I thought she needed the information.  Knowing
what's happening is a whole lot better than wandering around in a dark
room, banging into the furniture.  That's a hell of a simile, but I think
you understand what I mean."

   Helen's husband leveled a stare at him for a moment, then continued in a
hesitant voice after another pause, "That's about what I figured happened.
I know you and Helen have a 'connection' but I also know the kind of man
you are; and I know Helen.  Don't feel that I am accusing you of anything.
But I've lived with the woman a lot of years now.  I still love her, and I
think she still cares for me.  But when you two are in a room together
there are sparks.  And those sparks are what I'm going to rely on..."

   Gerry's eyes dropped to his hands where he fumbled with the pen from an
expensive desk set.  The room was silent, only slight sounds coming from
the living room where Helen was straightening up broke the stillness.

   Duncan sat stone still studying his hands, thinking of the man sitting
across the room from him.  This Gerry was very different from the man
Duncan met in the rest area east of Ritzville.  This man was clear eyed
despite the pain Duncan saw in his eyes and posture.  Somehow the self
involvement Duncan had sensed those weeks ago had disappeared.  In its
place was a man, sick unto death, caring and worrying about the woman he
had wed so many years ago.  The woman he had, for a time, forgotten and
emotionally deserted.

   For the first time Duncan understood him, sensing the man who had
attracted Helen, the man she had married.  The question of how he had
attracted such a strong woman was solved, now he knew.  Gerry had taken a
wrong turn in his life, discovering it almost too late to do anything about
turning it around.  All Duncan could do was conjecture on how long ago and
how seriously the tumor had affected him.  Was the personality change all
the result of the tumor, or was there something else?  Duncan would never
know.

   Was it too late?

   And who would suffer if it was?  Would it be Gerry, Helen, Duncan...  or
would it be all three?  Who would suffer if it was not too late?  Would it
be possible somehow that this disaster could be turned around?

   Outside the world continued, in this room time was held in suspense.

   The two men sat quietly, soundlessly communicating.  At last Gerry
struggled to his feet, Duncan rising with him.  The two men clasped hands;
their eyes caught one to each.  With a small, strange smile Gerald showed
Duncan to the door.

   As Duncan paused in the hallway, Gerry added, "I know we can count on
you, Duncan.  Will you be able to stay here?"

   "Is that what you want, Gerry?  Wouldn't it be better if I returned to
Seattle for a few weeks, coming back later?"

   After another of those pauses, Gerry answered, "You may be right.  But
if you take that route, returning to Seattle, don't leave your return until
too late.  I would prefer you stay.  I'm a fighter and I haven't given up.
At the same time I can tell, day by day, sometimes hour by hour how this
thing in my head is progressing."

   "Somehow I must talk to Helen, get her to understand.  Make her know she
has my blessing and that I still love her." He bowed his head a moment,
"Let her know I trust her judgement and that anything she thinks is right,
IS right."

   Duncan nodded soberly before agreeing, "Let me talk to Helen, see what
she wants.  No way will I tell her about this conversation.  That must come
from you."

   His eyes on the man suffering in front of him Duncan thought, then said
it out loud, "Gerry, I apologize for my earlier thoughts.  You are a hell
of a man!"

   "I was once, Duncan.  And maybe I am again.  I hope so.  Coming from you
that is high praise." With that he turned back into the office, leaving the
door open.

   Duncan spent the next few hours turning over Gerry's request.  Then that
evening he sat down to talk with Helen.  He explained he had been thinking,
planning on heading home but wondered if she would prefer he stay and help
her.  He was willing to do anything in which she needed help.  She promised
to think about it, they would talk about it the next day.

   The next day Duncan sat down with Helen and Gerald.  Helen was badly
shaken, when Gerry tried to get out of bed he had collapsed forward off the
bed.  This last sign forced her to realize what the doctor had been
unwilling to tell her.

   After Helen helped him back to bed Gerry laid out to her what he had
learned on the Internet.  When she broke down he had held her, assuring her
he had already realized where this was going.  He had accepted it and his
biggest worry was how she was going to handle this when it happened.  That
was when he asked her to bring Duncan in to talk with them.

   Together the three of them planned the best way for the family to handle
the situation.  Duncan flew back to Wenatchee that evening, leaving his RV
in Boise.  There he caught a bus to Chelan, picked up the small car he had
left there and then drove back to Boise.

   Within a week the kids had come to accept him as a part of the family.
Sitting with them, Duncan helped Helen and Gerry plan and advised them how
to wrap up Gerry's affairs.

   When Duncan had agreed to remain in Boise he hadn't seen how he could
keep himself occupied.  To his surprise he found himself wondering where he
could add an hour or two to the day to get everything done.

   Being the man he was Duncan made no demands on the woman he now knew he
loved.  It wasn't easy ignoring the attraction the way she looked at him,
the unconscious little touches as they worked together.  There was still
something between them.  Until the family tragedy worked itself out that
had to be put on hold.  He resigned himself to the possibility it would
never go any further.

   In the end, Gerald Conningham lived another ten weeks before Helen woke
up one morning to make breakfast then return upstairs to discover her
husband had died.

   It was Duncan who supervised the final arrangements for the funeral,
having discussed it several times with Gerry himself over the weeks.  He
remained in the background, now accepted as a family friend by the visiting
relatives.  Helen's daughter and son had come to rely on his steadfast
strength, themselves welcoming him into their small family group.

   He moved to a hotel right after the death, not wanting to call Helen's
behavior into question.  He stayed there for almost two weeks after the
funeral, but taking his meals with the family.  In the end he found the
kids calling on him repeatedly to handle problems and just for the strength
to go forward.

   The final act came on an evening when the kids had come to dinner.  It
was just four weeks after the funeral.  The gloom of losing father and
husband was diminishing and the mood around the table was almost upbeat.

   The kids left early, either dates or studies, Duncan didn't understand
which.  Truth be told he couldn't care less which it was.  He liked the
kids and saw no reason to question their actions.  Part of the reason it
was so easy for him to do was Helen's complete confidence in them.

   After they left Duncan settled in the living room, taking his place on a
couch where large pillows nearly two feet deep took the place of the normal
upholstering.  He relaxed back into the pillows for a moment, telling
himself he was just being sociable, staying past her children's departure.
Watching the flames in the fireplace Conrad had started before he left,
Duncan assured himself he was not pushing himself into her life.  His
presence was meant to steady her as she recovered from her grief.  He was
absolutely not taking advantage of her emotional distress.

   Helen disappeared into her room to change into a light housedress.  It
was one of her favorites, buttoning down the front from neckline to
hemline. One thing she loved about it was that it so loose she could just
slip it over her head.  Leaving the master bedroom she went to the kitchen,
quickly loading the dishwasher and straightening up after the meal. 
Leaving the kitchen she paused in the doorway, looking back over her
shoulder to make sure she hadn't missed anything.  The light was behind
her.

   The sight inflamed Duncan who until then had been able to keep 'that'
part of himself under control.  The light weight dress became nearly
translucent, the sway of her breasts made it obvious they were unfettered.
Duncan was even able to make out the substance of her brief bikini panties
under the dress.

   Somehow he tore his glance from her before she turned around.  Then he
leaned forward to conceal the sudden bulge in his pants.

   *****His presence in the house comforted Helen.  He was a man she
trusted and she had grown accustomed to his presence in her home.  That her
charms were revealed by the lighting never crossed her mind.

   It didn't show but Helen's grief and guilt were building to a peak. 
Despite the confidence and control she was showing, Helen was on the verge
of a breakdown.

   The man she had loved and married so many years ago had been lost, then
rediscovered.  He had deserted her and while he was gone a new man had come
on the scene.  Neither Helen nor Duncan had planned or even wanted the
sudden wild passion that had exploded in their lives.  Then her first love
had returned, reclaiming his place in her life.

   With Gerry's sudden return her emotions became a hopeless muddle. 
Still, the man she had vowed to cling to in sickness and in health had
returned.  Flying back to Boise Helen had known he was ill and that was
going to be a factor in her relationship with him.  Despite seeing signs of
his intending to leave her, he was here.

   On the flight back she had worked to build again the feelings she had
held for him all those years.  Then she landed to find he was sick unto
death.  To her amazement, she discovered the man who returned was the man
she had married not the man who had left her in Ritzville.  The Gerry she
loved was back.  And he was dying.

   Duncan had driven to her aid.  Every thing he had done had been without
her asking.  Not once had he showed he deserved anything for his efforts.
All he had done was to pitch in and make bearable an impossible situation.
Duncan told her the Gerry he met in Boise was a fine man, a man Duncan
admired and liked.

   She loved Gerry.  Yet she had feelings, even love for Duncan too.  It
was tearing her up.  Worse was the guilt she felt now with Gerry gone.  One
part of her wanted now to accept Duncan as her man.  Another part was
outraged that she could even consider such a thing with her husband and
lover, father to her children, hardly cold in the ground.  Helen had no
idea where this was going.  She feared where it would end.

   On impulse she paused at the liquor cabinet to pour two stiff brandies.
As she crossed the room to where Duncan was sitting she flipped on the
stereo.  As luck would have it the machine was loaded with ballads, love
songs from the 50's and 60's.  Handing a drink to Duncan she swirled the
liquor in the big balloon glass she held, burying her nose in it for the
aroma while the old torch songs sang around her.

   With Helen's presence swamping his awareness Duncan was having trouble
paying attention.  Somehow Duncan managed to take the snifter she held out,
taking a large mouthful as she sat down beside him amid the pillows of the
sofa.  The room was comfortably lit with one lamp and light from the fading
sunset coming through the large window looking into the secluded backyard.

   The two settled side by side on the sofa, watching the play of the
flames.  He fought with himself to keep control, the brandy didn't help. 
This woman didn't need something else to rock her emotions.

   Helen had no such inhibition.  She felt comfortably safe in Duncan's
presence.  She desperately needed someone to rely on, caught as she was in
a swirl of emotions.  Some of those emotions were being generated by
proximity to the man sitting beside her.  In almost no time her glass was
empty and she poured herself another, shifting closer to her companion when
she sat down.  Not aware she was doing so she snuggled up to him, wrapping
her arms around his arm, hugging it tightly to her.  It felt natural to do
so.  When she laid her head on his shoulder she sighed as they sat together
in the growing dark of the evening.

   The feel of Helen pressed around his arm had Duncan enraptured.  He knew
he should get up and go.  There are many times one knows exactly what he
should due but is unable to do so.

   The firelight flickering its shadows in the room, Chris Connor singing
of love and the brandy Helen had imbibed combined to relax her hold on her
emotions.  When Duncan felt Helen trembling he looked down to see two tears
tracking down her cheeks.  Pulling his arm loose he put it around her and
pulled her against his chest.

   That was all it took to release the torrent of emotion that had been
building inside her.  In an instant she was sobbing, her tears soaking the
shirt where her face was buried.  The strength of her arms wrapped around
him was near enough to stop his breath.

   "Oh, God Duncan!  Oh God!  He's gone, he's gone, I'll never be able to
fix it now.  I loved him, Duncan; I loved him with all my heart until this
thing changed him!

   "I was turning from him, Duncan.  Then he came back to me and died!"

   For long Duncan held through her heartbroken sobs: Holding her, his own
bruised heart near breaking.  He had no right, no right what-so-ever to
feel a loss.  How could he lose something he had never had?  But the felt
loss was too agonizing not to be real.  He too grieved, nearly as deeply as
did the woman crying in his arms.  Duncan grieved for a love barely found,
a man's unstinting friendship that was lost before it could even be
accepted.  Most of all he grieved for the woman sobbing in his arms.

   How long she cried neither knew.  He began stroking her back, kneading
her arms, trying to comfort in any way he could.  Helen nestled ever more
closely as she bawled her distress, until finally even the heartbreak
became normalized and until slowly the tears stilled.  At long last the
sobs disappeared leaving behind only the felt need for the other, the
warmth and ease of their bodies touching.

   Clasping her gently against his chest, Duncan leaned forward; grabbing
the pillows they were resting against, then tossed them off behind the
couch.  Then he twisted, lying back against the pillow serving as an arm of
the couch.  Shifting the woman he held in his arms, he settled them
comfortably in the bottom of the couch, now nearly as wide as a full sized
bed.  Duncan held her gently to him, stroking her back and shoulders while
murmuring soft promises neither understood as she relaxed against him.

   Finally her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep nestled on his
shoulder, her body resting against the length of his.  As she slept Duncan
fought tears.  He had no right or hold on this woman.  She was everything
he wanted and needed.  But she had met him, known him, only as a part of
her despair as her marriage broke apart.

   Dawn was lighting the windows when Helen awoke.  As sleep left her she
grew aware of the man holding her as she slept.  Waking further she
recognized his distress.  Her woman's sense understood the sadness with
which her grief had flooded him.  Even as sleep left her she let her hands
begin comforting him; stroking his sides, nuzzling the hollow of his
throat, play with his hair.  As she grew more fully aware it felt only
natural to trail tiny kisses on the man in whose arms she had once again
spent the night.

   She held him tenderly in her arms.  Initially all she felt was
compassion.

   Duncan came awake to her caresses, beginning to rub his face into her
hair even as Helen smoothed her face against the fabric of his shirt and
the chest now only partially hidden under the shirt.

   The night spent in his arms, with no demands except to be herself
released the tension that had been building.  With the man's comforting
presence, his lack of demands on her eased her, made it natural for Helen
to be pulled even closer to him.

   As they lay there together the kisses became more serious, more heated
until finally their lips sealed them tightly together.  This time when
their lips met the passion was there to be tasted.  Unconsciously Helen
shifted to her side, allowing her hands to burrow under his shirt and
smooth the soft pelt found there, caressing the masculine roughness of his
skin.

   After the night spent healing the passion of grief, the grief morphed
into passion of the flesh.  The shared tragedy was still there but now the
impossible triangle was broken; gone in a way no one desired, but gone. 
For the moment the guilt and sorrow surrounding her loss was forgotten and
the bond between the two solidified, welding them ever closer.

   Unconsciously her hands undid the buttons on his shirt as his lips
nibbled at hers then pulled it open to her lips and tongue.  As she tasted
him a hand tangled in the softness of her hair, fingertips dipped to her
scalp, sending tiny threads of sensation coursing through her body. 
Helen's whole body relaxed to sensation, at the same time coming alive to
her needs.  A breast was cupped, then kneaded so gently, deeply.  Helen
shuddered with the sensations as Duncan's thumb slid back and forth across
her nipple.  Helen opened her eyes just as her world spun.  She found
herself looking into his gentle, demanding eyes, watching his mouth drop to
nurse on her breast.

   As she arched against him to push her breast deeper into his mouth,
Helen slipped off his shirt.  As he nursed and she moaned under his caress
Duncan completed opening the dress.  Pushing it open he bared her body to
his hands.

   For long moments neither was aware of either what their hands were doing
or the actions of the others, only the texture of skin under their fingers
and the sensations filling their universe.

   The next conscious thought Helen had was awareness of Duncan's mouth on
her sex, tasting, teasing, forcing a scream of passion from her throat.

   For forever Helen was caught in the pleasure waves sweeping through her
body.  As they began subsiding she became aware and thankful for her
nudity. Before her mind completely grasped that fact the tip of his tongue
began tasting, teasing around her bud, sweeping softly, devastatingly.  Her
body heated again, soared up until two fingers suddenly thrust into her
core and she exploded again, joining the glorious reds, yellows and blues
of the stars as they wheeled with her through ether.

   This time he held her there, peaking over and over again.

   Then Duncan moved away, allowing his lover to relax from the ecstasy. 
He licked her slit gently as Helen came gently back to earth.

   As her eyes again began functioning Helen felt his body slip up over
hers, felt his welcome weight come down on her, his warmth adding to hers
as he pressed her back into the couch.  When her arms slipped around his
shoulders to hold him even closer his mouth took hers again.

   Even as her mouth opened to welcome him she felt the hard softness of
his manhood pushing against her sex.  Her legs opened further, and she
flowered further open, welcoming him inside.

   His woman's welcome stirred something in Duncan's soul, even as his
crown slipped just inside her secret.  Just inside he held himself still,
basking in the heat and moisture of her womanhood.  Without himself moving
he felt the walls of her sex caress him.

   It was impossible to delay the indescribable sensations for more than a
moment, then he was sliding slowly, lovingly into her body.  With little
pushes he moved into her by tiny amounts.  Then he would pause, soaking in
her juices before withdrawing slightly only to push further into her heat
and damp.

   As his manhood inevitably pushed itself into her, Duncan leaned back
from the kiss to gaze into her eyes and accept her welcome.  They lost
themselves in the others eyes.  As Duncan was swallowed into her eyes he
gloried at her acceptance of him into her body.

   At last and too soon his crown firmly seated itself against the end of
her sheath.  There he paused, feeling the soft spasms snuggling the length
of his shaft, drawing him more tightly into her.  Accepting him.

   Helen found herself grinding her sensitive pearl against the root of his
shaft which now lay buried its length inside her welcome.  A small orgasm
surprised her, opening her mouth and forcing a long moan.

   Neither wished to move as they basked in the sensation of Duncan filling
her.

   It was too much for either of them to remain still for long.  Soon
Duncan was sliding slowly out of her, then reversing and more quickly
burying himself again in her heat and wet.  The spasms traveling the length
of her channel were constant, interrupted more and more often with full
body convulsions as major orgasms took her over and over again.  When she
recalled their coupling later, late at night as she lay awake, it was of
being in constant orgasm from the first moment he buried himself inside
her.

   It had been months since either had tasted love, this passion consumed
them.  Helen wrapped her legs around her lovers hips, pulling him tight to
her.  Helen's mouth reached to capture his where she lost herself in him.

   "Duncan...  Duncan...  Oh, yes, YES!" she screamed.  "Uhh, Oh God! 
Duncan!  Duncan!  Hard now, yes, yes!  YES !"

   With that she convulsed totally!  As he felt her flood Duncan erupted,
exploding his seed deep into her depths.  They froze, ecstatic, as the
physical love swamped them Duncan looked into her eyes, watching as the
love light burning inside dimmed and realization of the where when entered
her mind.

   Duncan pulled her head to cuddle it against his shoulder, rolling them
to the side where he held her to him.  As she lay beside him he felt her
turning inward, felt her withdraw from him.  A feeling of helplessness
filled him even as he hugged her to him.

   They lay together, dozing, silent in each other's arms as the night
passed around them.  It was only his imagination he was sure, still, Duncan
imagined he felt her harden herself and slip further from him as he held
her body close to his.

   Duncan continued snuggling her to him until Helen began moving, restless
in his arms.  Regretfully he pulled his arms away, sitting up, helping her
to rise.

   As she gathered herself and collected her clothes Helen couldn't meet
his eyes.  Gathering himself Duncan managed a small smile, giving her a hug
before watching her disappear down the hall and into her room.

   Snatching up his clothes he used the guest bathroom to shower then began
building breakfast.  Helen walked in just as he was turning to call her. 
Seeing her there he put the French toast on the griddle and poured her a
cup of coffee.  Conversation was quiet, desultory between the two who less
than half an hour before been lying in each other's arms.  The longer they
sat the more obvious it was to Duncan that the women would not, could not
meet his eyes.

   Breaking a long silence Duncan told her it was time for him to check in
on his home in Seattle.  He explained that the last time he had talked to
the man running his old company he had been asked when Duncan could come by
the office.

   Duncan asked if it would be a problem if he headed home that afternoon,
confessing he believed his presence in Boise was no longer needed.  In his
mind he added, "...or wanted."

   With her relief apparent Helen agreed.  At the same time she shyly asked
if Duncan could keep in contact.  He agreed, promising to call her once a
week as long as she felt it helped.

   It had never been unpacked except for the clothes Duncan had been using,
so the RV was ready to go.  Following breakfast, Duncan called the kids,
leaving a message for Holly at school and catching Conrad at his desk. 
Duncan drove one of Helen's cars to the hotel to gather the few things he
had been keeping there.  By eleven he returned to the house to say goodbye.
There Duncan climbed into the RV after giving Helen a brotherly hug.  As he
drove away Duncan reflected on how much more comfortable Helen had been
after he told her of his decision to leave.  He wondered if she would ever
be able to accept him as more than a friend.

   He did know his own heart was breaking as he watched in the rearview
mirror as Helen closed the door to her home behind her.

   It was a long drive from Boise to Seattle.  The longest he had ever
made.