I have thought about what to include here and what to leave out. Any information that could tell someone where I'm from or anything else about me has been left out. But then what about other things? Should I put in things that were essential to me as a person but were not sexual?
I thought about it and decided no. It goes back to why I am writing this. The quarantine made me face some things. For the first two months of it I could not visit my dominatrix at all, and then the hit I took on my income had allowed me to only see her twice since she re-opened. And without a release for my submissive desires, I realized that I had to talk to someone about them. Now I can talk to any therapist about the non-sexual part of my adolescence. But the sexual parts, and the submissive parts, I can only discuss with my dominatrix, or writing these chapters. But I can�t show these chapters to anyone who might know me. So you get to read them.
Therefore, for reasons both related to my preserving anonymity, and due to the fact that I already have an outlet to talk about my other issues, I'm skipping over certain periods. For the rest of 1985, I do want to tell you about certain things:
I turned 11, and both my sister and Miss Thea gave me birthday spankings that were both fun and sexually exciting. I found myself in a sports camp for the summer, and it turned out that it was Miss Thea's birthday present. It helped me excel. Special training costs money, and my parents and I were very grateful.
Between camp and school, my father had an extended leave, and then went back to the Navy. I spent a fantastic week on family trip with him, my mother, and my sister. He was stunned out how my sister and I did not fight, and told us that he was very proud of us. We went to certain amusement parks and other places, and we spent night in hotels. My sister and I shared a room. She missed Tommy, and I missed Miss Thea, and we didn't do anything the first night together, but after that, we entertained each other. It was the same every night. First she control-spanked me, and then I went down on her flower, and then she gave me a handjob in the shower. She told me that she didn't want to give me oral because she didn't like the taste of cum. I told her that she was my sister, and I would do what she liked. Besides, she really was good at handjobs. She knew how to draw it out, tease it, and make the ending fantastic. It was clear that she had been practicing. I guess she and Tommy did not have many opportunities for anal. Well, good for them if they found what worked.
Yes I said control-spanked. If you are a spanko like me, there's different types of spankings. Control spankings (dominance), fun spankings, erotic spankings, and of course real punishment spankings. Kind of like the Inuit have so many different words for snow (snow you can eat, snow you can build with, etc.).
My sister turned 15, and after she had a party with her friends, on my mother's next night of night school, Miss Thea watched us at her house (a little bungalow) instead of our house, and with me watching, Miss Thea stripped my sister to her birthday suit, then gave her a birthday spanking, and then took her upstairs. I was told to do my homework, and if I had no mistakes, I would have a turn.
I remember watching my sister�s breasts sway back and forth as she was spanked. They were big enough to do that now.
I worked very, very hard on my homework. I did half of my book report in one sitting. After nearly an hour, Miss Thea came downstairs completely naked, holding a glass of champagne. "Come on, Charlie," she said. "Come upstairs." I remember asking her if she wanted to check my book report, and she told that she trusted good boys like me. It made me feel very good to be called a good boy.
She brought me upstairs and had me take my clothes off before I went into her room. I put them on a chair. When I entered I saw my sister was sleeping, her legs partially open. Miss Thea had shaved her pubic hair off, and my sister's flower was still wet from salivia. I wanted to cover her up so she would not be cold, but my sister opened her eyes. She'd wanted to watch us.
Fair enough (not that she knew about the peephole to her room from the closet). So she watched me get a spanking, and then lie across Miss Thea's lap and nurse. Angie was surprised at home long I suckled Miss Thea�s breasts for, apparently she didn�t know how much it meant to me. Then after much of that I kissed Miss Thea's flower before Miss Thea put a condom on me (I never did ask where she got one in a size for an 11-year old), and my sister masturbated while watching us fuck. I remember the entire thing because it felt like a wall was coming down that was between my sister and I. We were finally really sharing Miss Thea.
My sister and I hugged so much after, it felt more than sexual, it felt together. So together.
Somewhere in the fall, and I really cannot remember when, I discovered dungeons and dragons. Most of the kids that played it were not jocks, to say the least. But I wasn't a jock, while I played sports (and I think I played them well) I was also very bookish, into reading. And my personality has always been quiet. I was introverted and reserved, saying very little as a matter of course. Some of that was from Miss Thea's guiding me to having discretion. Some of it was just that I was an introvert, as I said.
Miss Thea did not like it. Oh she didn't care about the people who called it satanic, and she was happy with me treating nerds like they were human (unlike some sport-minded kids in 6th grade with me). But firstly, these guys had soda and chips and junk food with their games, which she was dead set against. (It had taken her some time, but she had convinced my mother to purge the house of sodas and sugar and things like that, plus too much grease and salt and - well, the typical gamer food was not exactly good for you.) Secondly, I got into the game, like REALLY into the game, and if you have never played it, a game session can go for hours. My grades and my athletics suffered.
And Miss Thea and my mother wanted to put a stop to me playing D&D. And I rebelled. I yelled back and them, and threw a fit, and I was a jerk. I said some terrible things. My mother cried. This happened right after Thanksgiving. I had been expecting a long game session with the other guys on Black Friday that did not happen.
I don't like remembering this. I was a pretty mature kid before that. But this was something I had found on my own, and I felt like I was being smothered. And I liked the game, it was fun. So I was being a shit.
Miss Thea gave me a withering look and then just left, telling my mother clearly I didn't want her there. That hurt like hell, but I dug in my heels. My mother yelled at me and sent me to my room. She took away the books and dice. I raged. I went to my room.
After a half hour I had calmed down and was feeling trapped by the situation. My sister knocked on my door. I told her not to come in, but she did. And she got me to slowly walk through what had happened and why. And I began to feel like a pile of crap.
I knew I was wrong, but admitting it, well, that took something out of me. But I did it. And I didn't do it for Miss Thea or my mother or my sister. I thought that it was what my father would have expected me to do. I ended up asking my mother for a spanking. And she obliged. Wasn't like she wasn't going to give me one anyway. She was a southern mother, and her hairbrush was already in when I went to ask for it.
It fucking hurt. She was really trying to make a point. And she did.
After crying in the corner I was told that I would get my books and dice back when Miss Thea said I would, because I had been so mean to her. And I was not looking forward to that.
As it turns out, Miss Thea had already been talking to the other moms of the gaming group, and they were good with the idea of placing time limits on the games and with changing the food menu. She was a nurse, as I said, and was very persuasive. So dungeons and dragons would continue under parameters acceptable to her. The question is when I would be allowed to rejoin.
The answer was, in the days before Christmas, my mother had to work, but I was off from school, and Miss Thea had to watch me. It was just me, at 15, my sister could be home alone (although she wasn't, she had Tommy over, and they were taking the opportunity of no school and no one else at home to use a lot of vaseline), but I could not.
I had prepared a long letter that I wrote in apology. I had made her some cards. And she read the letter and the cards. And she just stared at me coldly. I told her I was ready to take any punishment that she had for me. Quite frankly, I had gone 3 weeks without any special time, and I was desperate to be forgiven.
I remember looking at the floor, and saying how much I loved her, and how sorry I was.
"Charlie," Miss Thea said very quietly. "I still love you. And because I love you, shouldn't I shape you? Shouldn't I help you grow into the best person you can be?"
"Yes," I said.
"So am I smothering you? Am I controlling you?"
"No."
"Is the game more important to you than me?"
A tear fell from my eye. "No."
And then she was hugging me, and the ice was breaking, and finally I had cleared up my stupid, stupid temper tantrum. "I love you, Charlie," she said again.
"I love you, too," I said back. I smelled her hair as I held her. "But I think, I think," I swallowed and finally spit it out. "I really think I need you to punish me. So it will be gone and away and it won't happen again."
She pulled back so that she could look me in the eye. Her look was hard. Strong. She was not a person to be trifled with. "Oh, I will punish you, Charlie," she said.
You know that feeling when the roller coaster starts and you crest that first hill and you suddenly realize that you are about to drop?
Yeah.
This has dredged up a lot of emotion, I will have to finish this later.
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