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 My Last Summer at Home Part 3

   "Well baby, there you stand.  With your little head, down in your hand.
Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening again.  Your baby's gone, and
you're all alone and it looks like the end."

   "And you're back out on the street.  and you're tryin' to remember.  How
do you start it over?  You don't know if you can.  You don't care much for
a stranger's touch, but you can't hold your man."

   "You never thought you'd be alone this far down the line.  And I know
what's been on your mind.  You're afraid it's all been wasted time."

   When I got home from the gravel pits, thank god my parents were already
in bed.  I know I smelled like cigarettes and beer, and I wasn't walking
too straight.  I switched on my radio and lay down on the bed.  I stared at
the ceiling for a minute, then I made the drunken mistake of opening an old
wound.  As Wasted Time by The Eagles drifted from my clock radio, I slowly
paged through one of my old journals.  My name was written neatly in a
different way, but with the same last name, in each of the margins.  Tanya
Reed-Martin, Tanya Mary Martin, Tanya M.  Martin.  The old memories of
Tommy Martin and how he broke my heart were too much, and the tears I
hadn't shed in months began to well in my eyes as Don Henley sang to me.

   "The autumn leaves have got you thinking about the first time that you
fell.  You didn't love the boy too much, no, no, you just loved the boy too
well, Farewell"

   "So you live from day to day, and you dream about tomorrow, oh.  And the
hours go by like minutes and the shadows come to stay So you take a little
something to make them go away"

   "And I could have done so many things, baby If I could only stop my mind
from wonderin' what I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time"

   I switched the radio off and wiped the tears away with the back of my
hand.  I started to doze off, and began to dream of escaping my little hick
town.  Dreaming about how many exciting new people I'd meet at Iowa State
University.  My head was swimming over how my relationship with Jill was
changing, and the confusing feelings I had for her.  The wild story she
told me about her and Beth Carter was still so unbelievable.  I heard Jill
softly whispering my name as I drifted off to sleep.  The memories of Tommy
began to drift away with the breeze blowing through my open windows.  I was
out like a light until my clock radio came to life the next morning.

   "Lying here in the darkness I hear the sirens wail Somebody going to
emergency Somebody's going to jail"

   "If you find somebody to love in this world You better hang on tooth and
nail The wolf is always at the door"

   "In a New York minute Everything can change"

   When my clock radio went off, I awakened to another fucking sad ass Don
Henley song, and almost started to cry again.  I slammed my hand down on
the off button, resolved not to let a stupid high school boy make me sad. I
lifted my head from the pillow and immediately felt the thumping at my
temples.  There are not many things worse than a cheap beer hangover.  I
stumbled into the shower and let the hot water stream on my pounding skull
until it began to run cold.  I had to be at work in an hour, so I dressed
in my blue supermarket uniform and made my way down to the kitchen.

   Mom was already at the table sipping a cup of coffee, and smiled
brightly as I sat down.  "Hi sweetie, you look a little worse for the wear
this morning.  What time did you get home last night?"

   I reached in the cupboard for a cup, and tried not to look mom in the
eye.  "Mom I'm sorry, I know I usually call if I'm going to be late.  Jill
and I were out at the gravel pits talking, and we just lost track of time."

   She just smiled knowingly and sighed.  "Well honey you're nineteen now,
and going off to Iowa State this fall.  You have to start making your own
decisions now, just make sure they are the right ones."

   I sipped my coffee and sat the cup down.  "I will mom.  I've just been
trying to get my head on straight since graduation.  I'm getting there, but
I can't even look at Tommy when he comes into the supermarket, and I refuse
to speak to him.  I wasted so much time on him.  Two years for nothing."

   "Oh sweetie" she sighed as she cocked her head, "Hard times should make
you better not bitter.  Boys will be boys, and he made a stupid mistake. 
His parents are having a party for him before he takes off for the Marines.
You should go say goodbye."

   "Um, I'm pretty sure leaving my graduation party so he could get a BJ
from Cindy Johnson was a little more than "a mistake", I stammered.  "It
was a frigging terrible thing to do!  Just because I wouldn't do slutty
things like that for him, he had to sneak out with that bimbo for what?'

   "30 seconds of pleasure?  " I sputtered sarcastically.  "I'm not going
to see him.  I'm leaving for work.  Bye."

   I climbed in my pick-up, slammed the door and gripped the wheel tightly
for a minute.  I took a deep breath to keep from screaming, and started up
my truck.  I usually never smoke unless I'm on break at work, or drinking
beers with Jill.  Today I needed a smoke, so I lit up a Marlboro and sucked
on it all the way to the supermarket.  I pulled up and Jill was standing
outside talking to Rickey.  I hadn't really thought about it last night,
but the boy we made cum in his pants and then left at the drive-in, is our
boss.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  I needed this job.

   Jill walked over right away as I climbed out of my pick up.  "Hey chick
how's your head this morning, pounding like mine?"

   "Uh, yeah", I said as I grabbed my purse.  "Um, what's up with Rickey?
He stopped you before you even got inside?"

   She just smirked and grabbed my cigarette, took a long drag and then
coughed as she started laughing.  "Yeah, the little perv just walked up and
told me he had a great time last night, and asked when we could go to the
drive-in again.  Fucking unbelievable, huh?"

   "Shit I was worried he was going to cut our hours or get us fired."
Rickey just nodded as we walked in and said "Hey Tanya".  I rushed to the
back right away and avoided his dad's gaze.

   "Jill, do you think he's saying he expects us to take him to the
drive-in, or he'll cut our hours or get us fired or something?" I whispered
as we placed our purses in our lockers.

   "No way girl" she cackled.  "Rickey just isn't that devious or smart. 
He's just a horny boy we can have some fun with.  Maybe next time we'll
leave him there with no pants on." Then she took a quick look around, and
slowly leaned in to kiss me.

   She wiggled her tongue against mine for just a few seconds and then
turned and walked to her register smiling all the way.  My mind was
swimming already and we had eight more hours of work to make it through. 
My head started to pound again as I walked to the checkout to greet my
first customer.

   Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  The microwave next to me jolted me awake from my
nap.  I raised my head off the break room table to see Rickey heating up
his lunch.  He sat down and started to sip his soup, and looked at me
sheepishly.

   He looked around quickly, and quietly said "I don't want you to feel
weird about last night, because I don't.  That was by far the most amazing
thing that has ever happened to me.  Anytime you and Jill want to go out
again, I'll do anything you want.  I'll get beer from the store, and
smokes, and whatever you guys want.  You can make me do whatever you want,
and I'll never tell."

   I just glared at him and looked down at his crotch.  He looked so cute
and vulnerable, and his cheeks were glowing again.  I suddenly loved this
new dynamic, and realized it was fun to have a little submissive boy toy.
My heart raced, and my adrenaline pumped as I drew in a big breath.

   I leaned over and whispered "are you hard again, right now".  He nodded
yes.

   I frowned and lowered my gaze.  "You're pathetic.  Take it out right
now, let me see it." I whispered as I leaned back in my chair.

   He reached down and unbuckled his belt, fumbled with the button on his
jeans for a second, and then there it was.  That little soldier with the
perfect little helmet was pointing at the ceiling.  I leaned forward and
lightly traced my finger on the underside just below the little helmet, and
that's all it took.  I leaned back and watched it spurt on his shirt 4
times before he could tuck it back in.  I smirked at him and started to get
up and go back to work, when I remembered something from last night. 
Something that Jill had said to him that was so hot.

   I stood quickly and said "Rickey, don't you ever fucking cum again
without asking first.  You don't get to cum until we tell you to.  Got it?"
I didn't wait for an answer and got up to leave.

   Then I turned once more and snapped "And don't you look at my ass when I
leave." I know he did anyway.  What a rush, I loved dominating that little
shit.  My last summer before med school was definitely getting better.