Chapter 10 Caroline breathed a satisfied sigh as she put down her empty coffee cup. Pearl eyed her over the rim of her own one as she drained it. "Are you going to go and find Simon, Caroline?" she asked the young brunette. "That's the idea," Caroline replied, "but I have no idea how." "Ask him?" Pearl suggested, pointing out the doorman nearby. "Yeah… good idea, Pearl." Caroline was clearly psyching herself up, she wasn't normally this forward. "Excuse me?" she asked the big man, looking up what seemed a long way, passed an impressively expansive chest. "Can I help you?" he rumbled back to her, but he was smiling as he asked. "I'm looking for a friend. He's about this tall, curly blonde hair. He might have been with the lead guitarist for Rocksette." "Ah, I know Alison. Sugar, if he's with her, they'll likely be, how can I put this delicately? They'll likely be engaged, if you get my drift." Caroline felt herself colouring up. "I… I need to find him. Please?" He looked at her for a long moment. Just then 'Rocksette's lead singer, Shaun, came up. "Hi, Dan. Alison back there?" he asked the doorman. "Yah, she is, but like I was telling this young lady here, she's likely to be engaged, if you get my drift." The doorman, obviously 'Dan', told him. "Well, she'll have to disengage. Feargal, from the record company, wants to talk to us all, and he's fretting. Which room?" "Okay, man. Third on the left. Miss, you might as well see if you can find your young man, too. Go with Shaun, here." He opened the door he was guarding and waved them through. They went through the door into the corridor beyond. Shaun said to her, "Looking for your boyfriend?" Caroline decided to keep it simple. "Er, yeah." "Well, doll, just remember that at parties like this all sorts of things happen. Don't take it personal, like. Alison don't mean anything by it, she's just being, well, being herself. Your young man, well, he'll…" Shaun tapered off, unsure how to continue. Caroline helped him out by just saying, "I know," and surprising the singer with a peck on the cheek. "Thanks for trying. Simon and I, well, we'll have to talk." 'Will we ever,' she thought. 'Can I really do this?' Shaun knocked on Alison's door. "Alison? Are you in there?" he called. After a pause came a giggle and a reply of "Just a minute!" Shortly after, the door opened. Alison was wearing her bath robe and Simon was sitting on the bed in his trousers, just pulling his shirt on. Alison spoke as the door came fully open, "Hi, Shaun, what did – who're you!?" Caroline and Shaun spoke at once. "Hello, Alison, I'm looking for Simon." "Alison, Feargal's having a fit back in there, he wants to speak to all of us about something!" Alison looked at Caroline for a moment, then at Shaun. She told him, "Give me a moment, Shaun," and sniffed. "I need to get dressed and blow my nose." Shaun pushed his way into the room, and Caroline followed him. She went to Simon, who was looking very sheepish, but also, strangely, relieved. Caroline herself felt quite numb, almost as if it were someone else in the room, not her. "That better be all you're doing to your nose, Alison," Shaun warned. He sounded annoyed. "You do too much of that stuff," he told her, shouldering his way into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him. Caroline heard the brittle, taut answer, "I can handle it!" from behind the door, but wasn't paying attention. Instead, she took Simon's hand and pulled, gently. "Come on, Simon. You don't belong here." "Caroline?" Simon said. "You don't know how right you are. Where's Marianne?" "We'll talk about that in a moment. Let's get you out of here first." Simon nodded and followed Caroline out of the room, hearing raised voices from the bathroom before he shut the door behind him. He did it slowly, with a certain amount of regret, but also finality. "Sorry," Simon apologised to Caroline. "What for?" she answered. "Dunno, really. It just seemed something that needed to be said," he told her. She realised that he looked stone cold sober, and a little frightened. "Whatever's the matter, Simon? You look like you've seen a ghost!" "Alison offered me cocaine. I nearly accepted. I might still have done, if you hadn't come knocking." Caroline didn't really know what to say. "Oops." "Yeah," was Simon's only comment. Caroline took Simon's hand and started walking towards the door back into the restaurant, where the party was still going on. Before they got there another room door opened in front of them. Chris came out, trailing Marianne by his hand. The four saw each other and stopped. Chris hesitated a moment, but Marianne simply said, "Hi, Simon, Caroline. Enjoying yourselves? This room's free if you want it." She winked at Caroline before changing hands so that she was leading Chris, and going back into the party. Simon stood and watched the pair of them leave together. Caroline squeezed his hand. "I guess that's it, then, Simon," Caroline told him, quietly. "No, Marianne told me at the start of the party that we should go and enjoy ourselves," he told her. "It hurts, mind, it really does, but I'm in no position to complain." "No, Simon, you've misunderstood. She's told us we can use the room – together. You see, we've got this rule between us…" "Rule?" Caroline wondered how to put this. She also hesitated because she wasn't completely sure, even now. Marianne had signalled to her that she was free to move in on Simon, hadn't she? That must have been what she'd meant. Mustn't it? Caroline had always been the diffident one, while Marianne had always been assertive. As a result she'd always seen her sister get in first, whether it be clothes, or boys, or such mundane things as what to watch on the telly. Even now, Caroline had held back and hadn't gone looking for 'her fireman', as she'd thought of him. Quite by chance, Marianne had got him instead, and Carline hadn't known how to react. But her mother had told her to stand up for herself more. If Marianne hadn't meant what Caroline was almost sure she'd indicated, then this could end up in a blazing row. But if Caroline was right, and didn't act, she could watch her man disappear. Caroline was fed up with missing out. She'd had enough of seeing opportunities, and being too afraid of things going wrong to take them until it was too late, and the chance had gone. She reached for Simon, and kissed him. It was just a light kiss, a gentle one, almost just a brush of her lips over his. But it was the start. They felt it, both of them. This wasn't just an ordinary kiss, this was a kiss, and she wanted to repeat it. So she did. This time he responded, placing a hand lightly behind her back, then gradually drawing her in until she was pressed closely against him, her breasts crushed against his chest, their lips moving against their counterparts with almost bruising force. She opened her mouth and felt Simon's tongue introduce itself to hers. Caroline wasn't inexperienced, she'd had boyfriends before. Most of them had been with Marianne before her, and of late they'd expected to pick up with her where they'd left off with her sister. Caroline had just about decided not to accept Marianne's 'cast-offs' as she'd had to point out to these young men, somewhat forcefully, that she wasn't her sister, and there were some things she didn't do on a first date. Some things she didn't do on any date. But Simon wasn't pushing. The tongue kiss was there, yes, but it was tentative, inviting a denial. She felt his hands, yes, but again, their touch was passionate but not pressing. Caroline felt safe, safe that she could refuse or go slower at any point, but didn't want to. Simon pulled back from the kiss. "Caroline, I… I'm sorry." He said. She put a finger over his lips. "Ssshhh. Simon, something happened then. Let's take it slow, and see what happens, okay?" He smiled, tentatively. "That sounds like a good idea. Um, you mentioned a rule? You and Marianne?" Caroline nodded. "I think… I think you need to talk to Marianne, and soon. Very soon." How could she make him understand? If she just said, "Simon, she just told me she'd dumped you!" he'd be angry, and deny it – he already had. No, this time she had to get Marianne to make it clear to Simon that the relationship was over, and Marianne had moved on. So Caroline could move in. But she couldn't do it now. Not until Marianne had settled things with Simon, properly. She also couldn't dream of intruding on whatever Marianne and Chris were up to. She needed to slow things down. "Lets… lets go back out to the party, see what's happening. It's probably winding down by now." Simon looked thoughtful. "That's probably a good idea," he said, slowly. "I doubt if the party's finished though, not if what I've heard of these things is right." "Oh, I doubt if it's an orgy out there, Simon!" He grinned and took her hand. "Okay, let's go!" - - - - - - - - - - Back in the hotel restaurant the party was still going, though the music was softer, slower, and the lights were turned down. Some people were sat in a circle on the floor, talking and passing a joint around, while others chatted in pairs or threes. The bar was still running – unofficially, Caroline thought, as it was well after closing time. She grinned to herself. Drinking after hours was the least problem they'd have if the police called, with the drugs in open use around her. She was surprised to see Pearl walking towards them, looking relieved. "Hi, Pearl!" she called. "Hi yourself, Caroline. Chris has just left, with Marianne." 'Just like that,' Caroline thought. "Just like that?" Simon asked, "I mean… Marianne's gone off with him, and…" He ground to a halt, mouth opening and closing like a gaffed fish, unable to process what had happened. "It was supposed to have been just a night, just tonight." Caroline linked her arm into his, and Pearl looked at him with an expression of pained understanding. "Come and sit down a minute," she told him. Caroline went with them as they sat down near the bar. Around them the party was noticeably thinning. There were few 'suits' in evidence, more women, and the aroma of more than just tobacco smoke permeated the air. "Chris is normally a perfect gentleman with his models," Pearl began, "he doesn't screw them, or screw them around. But he's single, goodish looking, successful and he makes the girls look wonderful in his photos. So he has opportunity, he has a good rep for not messing around, and… sometimes it happens." "Like it happened to you?" Simon asked. Beside him, Caroline nodded to herself – it was a simple thing to work out. "Like it happened to me," Pearl nodded. "I actually thought we'd fallen in love, but it wasn't to be. We are very good friends, mind. I still love his photos of me!" "And Marianne…?" Simon asked. "I don't know who's under who's spell, there, but there's something going on, Simon. You must have noticed, Caroline?" Caroline hadn't, not really. She hadn't been paying attention to Chris and Marianne when they'd been in the studio, she'd been too wrapped up in her own shyness and trying to shake it off. She shook her head. "Oh, well. I did. Sorry, I would have warned you. Simon, I don't know if this will be a one-time thing or not, but I think…" she bit her lip. "I'm very sorry, I think you ought to be prepared." Simon swallowed. "Okay," he managed, "it's, it's unexpected, that's all." He shook his head. "What do I mean, that's all?" Simon was pale, shocked, even a little feverish. Caroline rubbed his arm, soothingly. "Look, I've got to get a taxi back to my hotel," Pearl said, "Chris told me to look after you – can I offer you a ride?" Simon said nothing, but Caroline nodded and said, "Yes, thank you," for them both. Pearl went to arrange for the taxi. Caroline was torn between her desire for Simon and his clear emotional discomfort. It was clear to her, though, that she'd have to go slower, tread more softly than she wanted to. 'Patience, Caroline,' she told herself. Pearl reappeared and told them, "The taxi will be here in about twenty minutes. It's probably best if we wait in the lobby." Caroline followed Pearl out of the hotel restaurant where the party was in the process of winding down, or more likely, splitting off into smaller rooms. She took Simon's arm as she sat, waiting for the cab to arrive. - - - - - - - - - - Simon woke up with someone shaking his arm. Fuzzily he opened one eye and mumbled something that sounded like "Wozzatgerroffahtovit," before he saw Marianne's out-of-focus face looking down at him. He shook his head, disoriented, sat up, rubbed his eyes and looked again. It wasn't Marianne, it was Caroline, he realised. "Morning, Simon. If you're feeling like I'm feeling, you'll want these," she told him, handing over a glass of water and some aspirin. "Er, ta Caroline," he responded, taking the small white tablets and gulping enough water to swallow them. They sat together for a little while, quietly. Simon felt his hangover, gauged it, decided that he'd had worse, and thought back to the previous day. What a day. He seemed to have lost Marianne, though, and that coloured everything. Just as he was about to turn to Caroline he heard a door open. In bustled Jennifer. "Good morning, you two. Ah, I see. A good evening, then?" she grinned at Caroline. "Where's the other one?" "Marianne's not here, Auntie. She's… she's staying over with a friend." That was never going to be enough for Jennifer, and Caroline knew it. So did Simon, who looked up at the older lady mournfully. "She went off with Chris, the photographer she's been working with." Jennifer clearly didn't quite know how to respond to this. After a moment, she settled for, "Well. Can I fetch you some breakfast?" Simon really didn't feel hungry, and evidently Caroline didn't feel like eating either. They accepted the offer of a cup of tea instead, and fell silent once more. Simon barely felt Caroline's fingers stroking his arm as she told him, "It'll be all right, Simon." "How will it be all right?" he ground out, "Marianne's not here, is she?" The fingers were withdrawn. He heard a small voice tell him, "You'll feel better once the hangover's gone, Simon. You'll see." The morning wore on, and as his hangover improved so did Simon's mood, up to a point. He still believed that Marianne had left him unceremoniously for Chris, while he was himself feeling guilty about Alison – and Jennifer. More and more, he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye. Jennifer noticed, and sat down carefully next to him, after sending Caroline into the kitchen to make a cuppa. "Okay, Simon. You've hardly said boo to a goose all morning, and now you're avoiding looking at me. Is this about the night before last?" Simon flushed, but then felt his anger rise. "Yes! Yes, it's the night when you sucked me off without asking permission! How'd you feel if I'd come in and had sex with you without asking first?" "I'd feel upset, of course," she answered. "I thought we'd dealt with this, or at least that you and Marianne were going to talk about it." "We, we never really got around to that," Simon admitted. "And now she's disappeared, and you can't talk about it, can you? I think I'll be having words with that young lady," Jennifer replied, hardness setting in to her eyes. "Mmmmhmm. Me too," Simon said, thoughtfully. Then, more clearly as he saw things better, "I'm sorry, Jennifer. You thought it had been sorted out, didn't you – cleared beforehand?" "That's what I told you," she answered. "Well, then. You did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. Let's lay the blame where it belongs. Marianne could have done things much better." "She meant well, you know," Jennifer told him, "but yes, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. I'm not blameless, I could and should have made sure you knew what was happening and agreed. I didn't." Self-honesty prompted Simon to reply, "I guess I was enjoying having my, er, well, you know, it was too much to say anything." That prompted a lopsided smile from Jennifer. "Am I that good, then?" Simon blushed even more, and Jennifer laughed, a good, honest-to-God laugh, just as Caroline came in with the tea on a tray. "Oh, good, that's better!" she declared as she set the tray down on the coffee table. "It's been like a church in here all morning – solemn and heavy." "Simon just paid me a compliment, but it's something we'll keep to ourselves," Jennifer told her niece with a wink. Simon was still blushing bright red, but was now smiling broadly as well. They sat together on the sofa, drinking their tea. Jennifer asked about the music they'd heard. "I could hear quite a lot in the garden, but couldn't make it all out properly – mainly just the 'thump, thump' of the bass," she told them. Simon told her about the bands, and Caroline gave her impressions as well. He felt better again, even when they got to 'Rocksette'. "They played a really good set," he remembered, "I like them a lot." Caroline bit down hard on the catty comment she was about to make. "Who was on after them?" Jennifer asked, and as quickly as that the moment was past. Simon skipped quickly through the other bands and concentrated on telling Jennifer all about Pink Floyd. Jennifer tried to be interested, but it was obvious that it wasn't really her 'thing'. The day wore on, and the telephone remained stubbornly silent. They were all, for slightly different reasons, waiting to hear from Marianne. Finally the phone did ring, and of course all three of them jumped in surprise. Jennifer got up to answer it. "Hello? Marianne? Oh, goodness, we've been worried about you, love. You're where? Oh, okay. You want to speak to Simon? Okay, I'll get him." She beckoned Simon to the phone. "Hello, Marianne?" he said, and heard her slightly scratchy, "Hello, Simon. Are you okay?" in response. "Yeah, fine. I had a nasty hangover, but it's mostly gone. I've had a pair of wonderful nurses looking after me this morning," he teased. Marianne chuckled from the other end of the line. "I'll bet you have," she told him. "I'm still at Chris' place, Simon," she told him. "Is Caroline there with you?" "Yes, she's here, do you want to speak to her?" "In a minute. I need to speak to you, first, Simon. Did you have fun at the party?" 'Oh, shit,' thought Simon, 'here it comes.' "I had a great time, Marianne. From what I could tell, you enjoyed yourself too?" "Yes, I did, thanks." "What did you enjoy most, Mari?" he asked her. The words came out before he could consider their possible ramifications. "Well, I did what I said I wanted to do. I got drunk, got high and got laid. You?" Honesty versus Embarrassment. Honesty won, along with a little payback, especially since he was needled that Marianne was there instead of here, and had plainly had a good time – and had sex. With someone other than him. "Simon?" Marianne prompted. He realised that he'd fallen quiet. "The same, to all three. Do we want to share details?" "I don't think so, not over the phone, anyway," she laughed. "It might make my Aunt's hair go white, hearing your description!" Now it was Marianne's turn to go quiet. "Simon? Er, look. You've got Chris' number, haven't you?" "At home, yes, but not with me here," he replied, uneasily. She gave it to him, and he wrote it down on the pad that Jennifer kept next to the phone. Then he heard Marianne hesitate. He thought it was unlike her, she was normally so self-assured. "Simon, you know how, when the dawn comes, and you don't want the day to end? Well, erm – why don't we consider the party to be going on for the rest of the week?" "You're joking, of course!" he told her, instantly. "I'll drive me and Caroline back and come and pick you up…" Marianne interrupted him, though. "No, Simon, I'm serious. I'm having fun, and you could too. Chris is going to take me out tonight, and we'll have a drink, and smoke a bit – you know – and probably we'll, well, you know that as well. But it's just fun, Simon. Look, I know Caroline would love to –" "Stop right there, Marianne. Just stop! You can't mean this. It's not right!" Simon's voice was raised, he could feel his blood singing in his veins. "Don't you tell me what I can and can't do, Simon Cook!" she shouted back. Simon tried to control his temper. "Look. I know you're just testing me, right? Just winding me up? But it's not a nice thing to do, Marianne, it's not, and bringing your sister into it is not on. I'm coming back, and we'll sort this out over a drink, and go to bed, and cuddle afterwards. That always makes you feel better!" He finished that sentence sounding far more confident than he felt. "NO, Simon. Stay there, or at least, don't come here. I have plans for tonight." Marianne was quiet for a moment, then she carried on in a calmer voice, "But tomorrow… well, I guess tomorrow we should meet up. What you said sounds nice," she finished. 'One more day. It can't make that much difference, can it?' he told himself, trying to convince that part of him that was shouting 'Danger! Danger!' He failed. "Okay than, Simon, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll meet you at your place and we can go and have a drink. All right?" Simon grunted his acceptance, if not his agreement. "Could you put Caroline on, please?" Marianne asked. Simon put his hand over the microphone and called her sister over, relinquishing the handset to her. He went to the sofa and sat heavily. He looked at Jennifer and caught the sympathetic eyes of Marianne's Aunt on him. He looked away, angry and also embarrassed that he'd been shouting at her niece like that. He tuned out the rest of the conversation, replaying his call with Marianne over and over. One moment he was certain she'd broken up with him, the next he was sure she wanted to get back together, and then again, she probably only wanted to see him in order to break up with him face-to-face. Then he'd go around again. He finally noticed that someone was poking his arm. "Simon? Hello, Houston calling Simon!" "What!?" he snarled, annoyed at being interrupted. Caroline recoiled. "Well! I was going to tell you that Marianne asked me what happened last night, and I told her. Yes, I told her about you and that singer." ("Alison", Simon contributed, but Caroline didn't let him interrupt her.) She asked if you'd slept with me. I told her, no, I wouldn't, couldn't do that, and neither would you, and I also told her straight that she shouldn't do this to you." Her voice softened, and she continued, "She won't be swayed, Simon. I'm sorry. So I told her that I'd look after you tonight. We can go home, or stay here, we can go out, or not, it's entirely up to you. But Mari doesn't want you left alone, she cares about you, she really does. So do I, Simon." She leant forward and quickly pecked him on the forehead, catching him by surprise. "A lot." Simon was confused, but the thought of getting home and avoiding another night on the couch was appealing. Besides, he wasn't entirely sure he trusted Jennifer. Or Marianne. Or Caroline, come to that. Suddenly Simon knew he had to get home, get back to familiar, safe surroundings. He gathered up his wits and asked Jennifer, "Would you mind if I went home? You wouldn't be offended?" "Good Lord, no, Simon. Of course I'm not offended." "Good!" Simon climbed to his feet, and watched Caroline pull herself up as well. "I'll go get my stuff together," she told him. Simon wasn't entirely sure he wanted to take her back with him, but knew it would be churlish to say she couldn't come – how else was she to get home to her family? "Okay," he said, on an explosive expulsion of breath. "I'll get my kit together as well. There's not much to that, actually." "I'll make some tea," Jennifer told them both, "you can have a cuppa before you leave." Simon started to object, but Jennifer merely rode over that, saying, "No, you'll need a hot drink before you go. You're still not really over the drinking from last night!" Since Jennifer was likely to be right, Simon shut up. - - - - - - - - - - Simon was quiet as he drove home with Caroline. He didn't what to think, let alone say. So he contented himself with driving the Mini as quickly as possible back home. Caroline sat next to him, also quiet. She'd resolved to take her chance, but then she'd decided to slow things down. Had she missed out again? Simon was acting as if she wasn't there at all. It had begun to rain, a light drizzle of the kind that gets people soaked even though it doesn't seem to be raining hard. It was early evening and the oncoming traffic had their headlights on. They reached the coast road, and the familiar outskirts of home. Caroline's opportunity was slipping away from her, she was sure. Again. She was going to end up lonely again. "Do you think I'm pretty?" she blurted out. 'Huh? Where did that come from?' she thought. "Pardon me?" "Do you think I'm pretty?" "I've been going out with your identical sister for quite a while – of course I think you're pretty!" Simon answered. "It's just that boys always flock around Mari, but not me. I know we look the same, but I always feel less than her, somehow." Simon looked across at his passenger. "You're every bit as pretty as your sister. Right now, I think you're nicer than she is, too." Simon ended that sentence sounding very, very down. Caroline slipped the catch on her seatbelt and leant over to him – not a long way in a Mini. She kissed his cheek, then pulled away. "Thanks, Simon. You're a nice guy, you don't deserve what Mari's done to you." "I expect we'll sort it out tomorrow, Caroline. Marianne and me. Oh, and better do that belt up again, please." "Looking after me again, Simon," Caroline said, shyly grinning at him from under her lashes as she did as she was told. "But… I shouldn't say this. Not really. But I will." She turned in her seat to look directly at him. "I never did tell you about our Rule, did I Simon?" Simon was concentrating more on driving here in the town. But he heard something in Caroline's voice that made him look over at her. "Before you take me home, can we talk for a minute?" she asked. Simon nodded after a moment, turned off and after a while parked along the seafront. "Fancy a coffee and a sandwich?" "That'll be good, Simon. Thanks!" A short while later they were sitting at a table in a seafront café, each with a coffee in front of them. Simon had a sandwich, Caroline had declared herself not hungry. "Okay," Simon said, "you've been mentioning this rule but haven't said what it is." "That's right, Simon. You'll understand when I tell you." She took a deep, deep breath. "Marianne and I never poach each other's boyfriends." She sat back, pleased to have got that out. Simon waited a moment before saying, "That's it?" "You don't understand, yet, do you? I want you, Simon, I have done for a long time. It was you who rescued me from a fire, you see. It was the fire at Ronnie's, over a year ago. You took off your helmet, and I kissed you. I knew then, Simon, all that long, long time ago. But I couldn't make myself come forward. I cried myself to sleep, Simon, I did, for ages, until I thought I'd got over it. Over you. But I hadn't, and that became clear when you arrived at the door one day asking for Marianne. She'd got to you first, and we have this Rule, like I said. So now I knew who you were, where to find you – and it was no good, because she'd got to you first, and she's not GOOD ENOUGH! Not for you, Simon." Through this amazing tirade Simon sat in increasing amazement. He remembered her, now! He remembered the rescue quite well – it was one of the first shouts he'd been on, and his actual first time doing anything he'd call brave. He stifled a grin at the thought that John would have called it, did call it foolhardy, but he also got a slap on the back for it. He also remembered the girl, remembered the kiss. That was Caroline? "I didn't really see you, not properly, you know," he said, a note of wonder in his voice. But then he sat back. "So, now you're breaking the rule you sisters have? You're trying to make a play for me, while I'm going out with Marianne?" "Oh, God, Simon." Caroline didn't want to tell him that Marianne had already dumped him, that she'd decided Chris was better for her now. But… "What?" Simon asked, a little testily now. Caroline held her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking a little. She lifted her head, and Simon could see tear tracks before she impatiently wiped them away with the back of her hand. "Nothing. Have your meeting tomorrow with Marianne. Just… just don't think we're both alike, we're not. And please, please, don't say anything to her about me, about this. I don't know what I'm doing, really. I just, just don't want you to, to… forget me. Simon leaned forward again and traced the side of her face with his forefinger, gently. She leaned into the touch a little. "I couldn't forget you, Caroline. But I need to get things sorted out with Marianne." "O – okay," she answered. Simon drove her home and watched as she ran up the path to her front door. There was no goodbye kiss, but she did turn at the door and give him a wave and a shaky smile, visible in the hall light, before shutting the door. - - - - - - - - - -