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Original posting date:
Friday PM, June 11, 1999

Glimpses (Mf, exhib, inc, cons)

by silent killer, kyoushuman@hotmail.com

If it is not legal for you to read pornography, do not view this file. If you're not sure, or if you're under 21, do not view this file. If you are morally opposed to pornography, do not view this file. If you are incapable of separating fact from fiction, do not read this file. If you incorrectly believe that fantasies are equal to real acts, do not read this file.

This story is entirely fictional.

OK. I'm going to try to tell this story from the beginning and not get ahead of myself. Bear with me.
You want to know about how this thing with my daughter Ashley started? It really started when she was about twelve or so and I first noticed that her breasts were developing. For some reason -- I have no idea why, or at least I didn't at the time -- the second I noticed her breasts, I got this huge erection and I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and jacked off, you know? I mean, they weren't even that big. It was just, you know, the beginning of summer and everything. She had been wearing her school uniform all year and so when I saw her in her swimsuit, it was like a revelation or something, I don't know. It was like: My God, my daughter is female! Or something like that. You know?
While I jacked off I thought about ways I could look at her breasts. And later that week I went out and bought some of those loose tank tops, really more like sleeveless V-neck T-shirts and gave them to Ashley as a sort of summer surprise. There were three of them and she wore them all the time. Braless, of course. I got to see her breasts constantly. I was constantly dropping things and asking her to pick them up, or standing right behind her with my sunglasses on so I could peek down the shirt. God! It was a wonder that I was never caught. I started to take it for granted, you know, that I could just stare at my daughter's breasts whenever.
It got to a point where she would stand in front of me and I'd put my hands on her shoulders, then I'd slowly look down until I could see down her shirt. Then I'd get an erection. And she'd be pressed back against it and not even know what was happening, you know? Her neck and shoulders and upper back, rubbing against my erection. I'd have to go jack off pretty quickly. Once I came in my pants and I couldn't do anything because we were standing outside with the neighbors. One of them even asked me if I was OK. I don't even remember what I said, probably some bullshit. I know Ashley didn't notice.
She had -- has -- such beautiful breasts, too. Even back then, they were just swellings on her chest, but God, it drove me crazy to see them. Ashley had little light pink nipples and tiny aureolae, but perfectly rounded breasts. I guess all girls do when they first start to grow. Hers were, I mean are, so beautiful.
OK, this may not seem like much. I mean, it IS a big deal, because fathers don't normally stare at their daughter's breasts. At least, not that I know of. But this was nothing compared to where it was going.
So then we were on a boat with my brother-in-law. It was his houseboat. Everybody was in bathing suits. Ashley was sitting on my lap in one of the boat chairs, jumping and twisting around. She was excited about being on the boat. And oh my God, her little ass was rubbing against my hard penis. Just to think of it -- I mean, all that was separating us was, you know, just a little fabric. Two pieces of thin fabric. I mean, God, I could feel her, you know, her buttocks clinging to my penis. It drove me crazy. Fucking crazy. Excuse my language, but I don't think you understand how intense it was. So intense that I ejaculated in my swimsuit. Thank God I was wearing sunglasses so nobody could see my expression when it happened.
Of course I felt guilty. I was also terrified that I'd get caught. Ashley would jump off my lap, my erection would be visible, the cum would be everywhere ... I thought for sure that my wife or my brother-in-law or someone else would see. But nobody did. Even Ashley didn't notice. At least, I didn't think she did. But right after I, you know, ejaculated, she turned around and smiled at me. And giggled. It was almost like she was trying to get me to cum. I think she felt my penis underneath her -- you know, like throbbing or twitching when I had my orgasm. God. Listen to me. I'm awful.
In the car on the way home, my wife is driving and I'm in the passenger seat. Ashely is laying on the front seat between us. Her legs are in my wife's lap and her face is right in my crotch. Her cheek is pressed right against my penis. And it's like she knows it, you know? She put her arm around me and looked up at me and smiled again in the same way like she did before. God! It was too much, I was hard again already. When she nuzzled me down there and snuggled up closer to sleep, I thought my dick was just going to pop out of my shorts and stick itself in her mouth.
Oh, man, listen to what I'm saying! Even back then I was thinking about it -- about, you know, oral sex ... with Ashley. I would fantasize about it every time I masturbated. I'd think, what if, you know, she did it by accident somehow, and really liked it? And then I could pull out and cum on her breasts and she would be surprised and pleased. It sounds like a total bullshit fantasy, but that's what I thought about, I swear to God.
Um, let's see ... the next thing that happened was ... Oh yeah. I was picking her up from school. This was a few months later, after she'd started eighth grade. I was sitting out in my new van waiting for her and it was just pouring down rain. The weather guy had said showers, but this was a total thunderstorm. It was coming down in buckets. So I really didn't want to get out of the van. But I sat there for like half an hour while waiting for Ashley and she didn't come out of the school. So I started to get worried and mad at the same time. You know what I mean? If she was in school and OK, but ignoring me or forgetting that she was supposed to meet me, then I was mad. But if she had been hurt or in trouble or something ... then I was worried. You know?
Anyway, I decided to go in the school. So I got out of the van and ran into the school -- totally soaked, from head to toe, instantly. I walked around in the lobby a bit and didn't see her. Then I looked back outside and realized that I couldn't see the van at the curb through all the rain. I told you it was a really heavy downpour. Then Ashley ran up to me and said, "Oh my god, Dad, I just called home looking for you!" It sounded just like something I would have said so I laughed a little. I told her I'd been outside this whole time and she said she couldn't see me and I said I understood, it was probably my fault for not bringing an umbrella and coming inside in the first place. So we ran out to the van together but we were both soaked. I dropped the damn keys as we were trying to get in. I finally got them and opened the back doors and we both got in. And I said, we can't sit in my new van's front seat with wet clothes. So, uh, basically ... we got undressed. I was sitting there in my underwear and she was in hers. She was wearing a bra and some panties but they were both, you know, totally see-through at this point. So was my underwear, actually. We went up to the front and started driving and of course my dick was hard at this point and she was staring at it and I was staring at her too. Then I, you know, decided to -- test her, I guess, and I took off my underwear. I told her it was cold and soaking the seat. So I was trying to get her to take her clothes off too, and I also wanted to show her my -- you know, my erection, so that she could ... I don't know, get excited, I guess. I don't know what I was thinking. Christ.
She started giggling like crazy when she saw my dick, out of nervousness, probably, because -- well, it wasn't because I have a small penis or anything. It's not bent or deformed or anything. Anyway, you know, she covered her mouth and giggled. I blushed and I tried to make some jokes, you know how it is. I apologized too.
Nothing really happened. We drove home and pulled into the garage and she just totally bolted out of the van and ran inside. She even left her wet clothes in the van. I picked everything up and went inside and threw it all in the dryer.
Then that weekend she was sitting next to me on the couch watching TV. My wife was sitting on the other side of the couch. Ashley got sleepy, so she put her head and hand in my lap. And I swear to God, after she fell asleep, or pretended to fall asleep, she started squeezing my penis with her little hand. I was so afraid my wife would notice. And I was afraid that this was all just some weird dream. Or worse, that this would be, like, the only time this would ever happen. I don't know. I was just thinking crazy.
My wife asked me if I was going to put Ashley to bed and I about had a heart attack. I thought she was going to ask me if I was going to let Ashley touch me like that. But I just nodded and picked Ashley up and carried her to bed. She was getting a little big for that kind of treatment. But I shifted her around so that her crotch was pressed directly against mine while I carried her. When I carried her upstairs, my penis thrust against her ... you know, her vagina ... with every step. I had an orgasm before we walked through her bedroom door. I laid her down in the bed and tucked her in. Then I went into my bedroom and cleaned myself up.
OK, there were a few other things after that, but they were minor in comparison -- like catching glimpses of Ashley in her underwear, or seeing her breast. I was still jacking off constantly and thinking about Ashley. I think at this point my wife noticed the drop in my sex drive with her. Anyway, the next big thing was a lot later.
When Ashley was fourteen, she broke her collarbone playing soccer. This meant that she could hardly do anything by herself, including get dressed and take showers. For the longest time my wife took care of all that, but then she had to go out of town for her sister's wedding. I was alone with Ashley for a week.
I helped her dress in the morning and I helped her undress at night. I couldn't have asked for a better situation. Ashley was pretty brave about it. She was shy at first, but she's such a tomboy ... she got over it pretty quickly. In fact, she made fun of me for my shyness and awkwardness or whatever. If only she knew, you know?
The best part was bathing her. I would sit behind her on the edge of the tub and rub the soap across her back. I'd wash her hair too. I never offered to wash her front. She could do that herself with her one good arm. I never washed her buttocks either, partly because she was always sitting down but also because she never asked me to. When I was washing her hair, she'd have to close her eyes to keep from getting shampoo in them, and it was then that I'd ... well, I'd stand up so I could get a better angle with her hair, but then I'd just stare at her tits -- I mean, her breasts for a long time. And I could see down to her crotch. I could see that she was getting pubic hair.
On the last night before my wife came back, I couldn't stand it any more. I was washing Ashley's hair and I pulled my cock out of my pajamas. I jacked off right there. And ... and when I ejaculated ... I, uh, did it in, you know, in her hair. She didn't even notice. The fact that I was doing that heightened the, uh, orgasm and made it stronger. At least, I think she didn't notice. She didn't say anything. And the whole damn time we were keeping up a conversation about her birthday which was coming up soon. And I never gave myself away.
Once after Ashley got the cast off, I asked her if she wanted me to bathe her again. It was sort of joking, you know, like I didn't expect her to say yes. She just laughed and said that she'd probably be bathing me soon because I'd forget how. That was her big joke then -- her Mom and Dad were getting old and forgetful and helpless and she was going to have to put us in a nursing home. I was only about 39 at the time, but I guess when you're 14, 39 seems ancient.
So I never bathed her again. Uh, after that, it was more of the same -- just, you know, stolen glimpses here and there. I walked in on her in the bathroom a couple of times and she yelled at me. I never, ever went in her bedroom. I thought that would be going too far. Besides, I thought I would be tempted to do just more than look, you know? And I couldn't do that. I just couldn't.
The most crazy, screwed-up thing that happened was this one time when I woke up after I heard the back door slam. I looked out the window and I saw Ashley, completely naked, walking around in the back yard. I watched her lay down in the grass for a while, then she walked through this muddy patch way at the back of the yard. Then she squatted and peed in the middle of the yard, and maybe shit too, it was hard to tell. Then she came back into the house.
The next day, as soon as we were alone I asked her about it. She blushed and just started giggling and looking around, like she was trying to find a way out of it. I asked her if she just wanted to, you know, be outside with no clothes on. I didn't mention the excretions, only the walking around. She nodded and said yeah, that was it. I asked her if she was interested in nudism and she shook her head. So it was just a one time thing, I guess. But for a month after that I would stay up late reading on weekends, listening for the back door, hoping she'd go outside naked again. But she never did.
I think the last thing that happened before she moved out was when all of us changed clothes together in a beach house before getting into the van. Ashley was sixteen. It was me, Ashley and my wife, all getting undressed. I kept my sunglasses on so I could stare at my daughter without my wife noticing. Ashley was so beautiful. I was dressed first because I wanted to hide my erection. Her short, curly blond hair ... sexy tan lines ... perfect B-cup breasts (yes I looked at her brassieres, that's how I know) ... fluffy blond pubic hair ... flat belly ... long muscular legs ... even cute little painted toenails. So beautiful and sexy! And boys -- don't get me started. Boys were just throwing themselves at her. The phone never stopped ringing. We finally got a separate line for her but we cut it off each night at ten pm before bed. I'm sorry, I'm getting away from the point of the story.
After that, it was just the occasional exciting glimpse of Ashley's body that kept me going. She went away to college and I was like, OK, your little girl is a woman now, time to give up this ridiculous fantasy. I started looking at teen porn on the Internet. That was how I ended up getting divorced -- my wife caught me with the porn, incorrectly assumed that it was porn which had destroyed our sex life, and filed for a divorce. I didn't contest it.
About a year after that, it happened. I went to visit Ashley at college and we spent the weekend together. And we, uh, kind of fooled around. Dammit, I'm getting ahead of myself again.
We went out to eat on Friday and walked around campus and the neighborhood afterwards. She walked me back to my hotel and sat in the room with me for a while. I had some beer, so we drank it together. We watched TV for a bit and she asked if she could rent one of the movies. She picked some action romance that had just left the theaters. I fell asleep while we watched it.
When I woke up, my first thought was that I was in a strange hotel room with a beautiful young woman that I didn't know. But soon I remembered where I was and what was happening. Ashley was sleeping in bed next to me under the covers. She had taken off everything except her T-shirt and panties. I just laid there and stared at her, all of her.
She woke up and I smiled at her and told her she was beautiful, right off the bat, first thing in the morning. She smiled and kissed me right on the lips, a brief kiss, very appropriate for father and daughter, then she went into the bathroom. I laid there and listened to her pee, then when she came back out (she was brushing her teeth) I asked her if she remembered the time when I had caught her walking around naked in the backyard.
She nearly spit the toothpaste everywhere before she could go back into the bathroom and finish brushing. Then she came out and said yes, she did remember, and why was I bringing it up? I told her that the sound of her peeing in the bathroom reminded me of it. I asked her if she had ever done it again and she said yes, a lot, especially the summer after that. I had had no clue. I sat up in bed and said Really? in a very excited but disappointed sort of voice. Ashley said, God Dad!
I realized that my excitement was transparent. I sort of stuttered and said well, it was just very amusing to see you out there, sort of like a little forest elf, and I was just disappointed I didn't get to see it again. I got out of bed and started getting dressed so I could turn away from her so she wouldn't see my facial expression or my hardening penis.
We talked about nudism for a while and I asked her if she would go to a nudist camp and she said yes. I said that I had thought about taking her and her mother to a camp in Florida I'd read about, but I never brought it up because I never thought they'd want to do it. Ashley looked puzzled and said she and my (ex) wife would have definitely done it. She said that my wife would always complain to Ashley that I wasn't adventurous enough.
Well that got into a whole big discussion about my relationship with Ashley's mother that lasted through breakfast. For the rest of the day we did some sightseeing and she gave me a campus tour.
We got to talking about her major -- psychology -- and she talked about how interesting it was but how it seemed so, you know, capricious. Well, not capricious, but not based on fact either. Just based on majority opinion. An insane person in one culture isn't insane in another, you know? And so we got to talking about that for a while over dinner.
Back at the hotel we kept talking about it. She brought up masturbation -- scientists and other people used to be so convinced that masturbation would hurt you or make you insane or something, but now everybody knows it's harmless. She said that was true about gays and lesbians and all sorts of things, and it would probably someday be true about things we considered "sick" or "wrong" nowadays.
I was hard, really hard, and I knew we were on dangerous ground. I tried to make a joke. I said, So what you're saying is that you masturbate, and we laughed. But then she got serious and she said Yeah, Dad, nothing wrong with it. Don't you? And I said uhhhh, well, it's really not something I want to discuss. And then she said, So what you're saying is that you masturbate. And we both nearly fell off the bed from laughing.
And so I admitted it, but I said that I didn't think society still considered it completely normal because of the way we all were sort of ashamed of it still. I said that my reluctance to discuss it was proof. She agreed with me. And then I felt like I had to change the subject right there or I was going to do something, I don't know, outrageous. So I said, let's rent another movie. One about masturbation? she asked. We laughed.
We didn't rent a movie but we ended up watching one about incest. She picked it. It was called The Cement Garden and it was this really beautiful movie about a sister and brother who end up sleeping together. And at the end I had an erection and it was obvious, it was popping up my shorts. And I left it that way to get a reaction from Ashley. And she -- she said, Dad, why don't you get rid of that? Perfectly natural, you know. And I said Jesus Ashley, you mean right in front of you? And she kind of shrugged and turned over and turned out the light. When I heard her breathing slow down and become regular, I took my cock out and slowly started to jack off. But God ... I hadn't even really gotten started when she turned over and laid on her back. I could tell she was awake. And she said, Dad, are you doing it? And I said ... uh, I said yes, I am. And she said, Good, me too.
I couldn't believe it at all. I was floored. I was going crazy, laying there in the darkness, knowing that I was masturbating with my beautiful daughter. It was driving me crazy. I said Ashley ... how long have you been doing it? And she said, since she was twelve. And I asked her how she learned and she said she had discovered that she could feel good if she rubbed against something. And I said, like sitting on my lap? And there was a long pause and then she said yes. And I said Oh my God.
And then Ashley reached over and took hold of my penis and said in a really low voice, Dad, can I do it for you? And I nodded, and I realized she couldn't hear me nod so I whispered Yes but it sounded like a hissing croak because I was so choked up with emotion. And then ... you know, my daughter started ... masturbating me. She said, Dad, I've always wanted to do this. And I didn't even say anything. I just laid there. Then I moved my hand over to her ... her vagina, and I rubbed it. When I touched that pubic hair I shivered and so did she. Then I ran my fingers across her, you know, her labia, and then we just like rolled over and started making out. My cock was pressed against her stomach.
God ... this is the hardest part of the story to tell. She got on top of me and ... put me ... inside her. All the way inside her. And we, uh, made love. We made love. God, it gives me chills just to say it. I made love to my daughter.
There was no condom and she wasn't on the pill or anything. She whispered to me to pull out before I came and I did. I came all over my stomach and chest. She laid down in it so that it was smeared all over her, and then she kissed me again. She said, Dad, will this be the last time we do this? I said I didn't know. She said that she had fantasized about it for years and I admitted that I had too. Then she said we should keep doing it if we really wanted to. I raised all kinds of half-hearted objections but she shot them all down. We went back to the argument about what society defines as "sick" or "wrong," and how incest -- God! Just to even say that is weird! -- how incest is a big deal and a major crime and all this other stuff, but really there's nothing to it. I told her that we could keep going but only if we made certain promises. I told her that a relationship between people of different generations were already problematic, and an incestuous relationship would be more so, because I wouldn't be treating her as an equal even if I tried, because she would always be my daughter and always be 25 years younger than me.
She said that we shouldn't try to have a relationship, that we should just sleep together when we could and still have other relationships. I said that might be a good idea. I said we could try that until a better arrangement came along.
That was two years ago, and nothing better has come along. I still love my daughter very much and she loves me.