Note: Images files 28 and 29 are mostly journal stuff. People interested in the sorts of fantasies and discussions to which I'm inclined may like them, but people looking for stories should probably skip them. My "Images" (a term I stole from Suki) are short ideas, images, and sketches written for the amusement of and offered as tribute to my Liege and Lady. They were always longer and never so well crafted as Suki's short masterpieces, and over time, my Images files began to include various email excerpts and other works in progress or ideas for works and became more journal than art, so some juxtapositions may seem odd. Some of my Images follow. They are generally cruel and nonconsensual and of interest only to sickphuxs, so please read no further if such doesn't appeal to you. The Images are impurely the products of a warped imagination, and should not be seen as a reflection of the scene, nor should they be imitated by anyone not interested in a protracted term as the ward of the state. Steven S. Davis ----------------------- "Summer thoughts" [inspired by a comment about the summer heat] You certainly have my sympathies for the heat, as I really don't like hot weather myself. And I probably wouldn't like it very much even knowing that my domme had decided the one thing that made the hot weather good for her was being able to tie me up in it and enjoy knowing how much I was suffering from it. Of course, being a caring and responsible woman as well as a cruel one, she'd make certain that I was kept hydrated (by pouring cold water over herself and letting me strain and stretch to reach her and suck the water off her body; "c'mon, baby, are you thirsty or not, if you are, stretch that scrotum and get over her and lick me"), and she'd cool me down by apply ice to my bare flesh (and, of course, for maximum effect the ice needs to be applied where there is a lot of blood just under the skin), and if she was able to keep me outside, she'd have to keep rubbing sunblock all over me (perhaps just before the ice treatment). Of course, with neighbors, keeping me tied up in the backyard (perhaps with a choice between laying spreadeagle in the sun or under a nice shady tree - but if I chose the tree, it would mean cords hanging from many branches tied to clamps that were biting into me and pulling painfully at me as the breeze tossed the branches, making me hope for still air despite the terrible heat and perhaps allowing my mistress the double pleasure of laying in the shade enjoying both the breeze on her nearly naked body and my gasps and groans as the clamps pulled and bit at my bare flesh). If keeping me outside was not plausible, well, I guess she'd have no choice but keep me tied up inside a shed, which, of course, she'd have to keep locked up tight ("you know I like you much too much not to have you behind locked doors and closed windows"), with, of course - purely as part of her tireless efforts to take care of me - her making frequent visits to rub me with ice, pour water over herself and let me struggle and strain and stretch (a bound man needs to move to maintain proper circulation) to lick it off her naked body, and then, perhaps, to require me to lick her where else she might be wet. Then, having done her duty, she would of course, flee the heat and lay down to recover from her vigors under a fan with a cold drink to think about me bound and helpless in the terrible heat until her thoughts of my suffering compelled her to come visit me again. She would, of course, have to come many times that day. There'd be no other way I could bear being bound in that terrible heat. If she had to get very hot when she visited me, well, that would simply be her duty since it was by her wish that I suffered. Addendums: It would perhaps be an interesting situation if I weren't bound (or perhaps just my ankles were bound, possibly with my hands bound in front of me) and I were told that I could drink only by pouring cool water on her body and kissing/licking it off her. I'd be unsure whether I was being too much a typical male pig if I went between her legs immediately, or if I'd be keeping her waiting if I didn't do so. But I'm guessing that she wouldn't mind if I softly moistened her face with my wet hands then kissed her face, then poured water over her throat and shoulders and breasts and kissed and licked them, and wetted her belly and kissed it, then poured water over her thighs and kissed them, then asked her to roll over and I moistened and kissed her feet then the backs of her legs, then dripped cool water up and down her spine then kissed her up her spine then poured water over the back of her neck and kissed and licked it and maybe moistened her ears and kissed them a few times, then asked her to turn over again and poured water over my fingers and then moistened her lips, perhasp keeping my fingers by her mouth in case it pleased her to suck on them, then kissed her moist lips, then poured water over her breasts again and kissed them all over before pouring water down her stomach and kissing her there before moistening my fingers (since I'd not wish to pour cool water between her legs (though I've no idea if the effect would be the same on a woman) and ran my fingers over her labia and rubbed her clit before lowering my mouth to lick her clit. > for maximum effect the ice needs to be applied where there is > a lot of blood just under the skin I was wondering if perhaps she might enjoy eating some ice cream while I laid or sat bound at her feet, her feet sometimes playing with my body or on my face, and perhaps she might decide to share her ice cream with me by making a sort of a subcicle and spreading a layer of ice cream around my cock and then licking it off, repeating as desired (ah, as desired by her, of course), perhaps licking after the ice cream was gone until she got the stick of her subcicle straight enough for another application. Thoughts of her enjoying thinking of me suffering: Now: The thoughts of her in cool comfort, but slowly getting more flushed and twisting about as she thought of me laying in tight bonds in misery from the heat and ropes and the hard floor of the shed and saw me twisting, partly in futile efforts to relieve the pain of bondage, partly just from my misery even though I knew moving would make it worse, saw in her mind's eye my eyes burning from the sweat falling into them (why blindfold me ?; there's nothing for me to see in my prison and even if there were when closed up it's very dark), her touching herself and moaning softly, her looking so much like someone is torturing her, and someone is, she's tormenting herself with her thoughts, thinking how much I'm hating this, but knowing that, while on her next visit I may beg her to let me out, I'd feel dreadful later if she let me out because of my weakness any sooner than she wanted to, and when she thinks about how, when I'd say "please let me out of here, mistress" and she'd check me over and smile and say "No", that part of me is going to be happy she said "No" and made me go on suffering because it was pleasing to her and I do so want both to please her and to be pleasing to her, the combination of knowing that the real me wants to suffer for her even when the corporeal me can't stand to suffer any longer and even when I don't have the strength or will to suffer any longer the real me is glad both of her bonds which hold me and her faith that allows her to deny my request for mercy and to go on enjoying suffering which I can't enjoy but which I *do* want her to enjoy and which I'd regret having ended before *she* wanted it to end, this combination is more than she can bear and she comes hard as she lays there, and then dozes a bit, and wakes up and immediately thinks of me, and starts getting aroused again, but before getting too far gone she gets up to join me, to share my discomfort (though reduced some because she opens the windows before she comes in) and to alleviate it and to let me have the satisfaction of it being under my ministrations that she comes (while listening to her come over a baby monitor is good, when I tell myself that she's thinking about me as she does so, it's just not nearly the same (but if my dominant ever does lock me in a hot shed or an ice chest (or has me shifted from one to the other) so she can masturbate to thoughts of my agony, I hope she will at least give me the kindness of that monitor; I don't think I could bear a lonely and miserable night followed by her associate telling me that I served my function and I can leave now))..... Well, the thought of her like that has me hard and squirmy and I really want to go someplace and relieve myself of this lust but I also want to finish this as soon as I can and the netlag is driving me nuts as I'm chasing my cursor across the screen and deleting/replacing the wrong letters and wondering *why* do I write online. As it would be happening ? As this was happening in RL, I (I think) would be partly hoping that she'd let me out, partly afraid that she would, partly hoping that she's enjoying it and would soon let me out because *she* wanted to. There'd come a point where mostly I'd be experiencing a terrible conflict between my wanting the suffering to end and my being afraid of failing her and all I'd really want anymore is for her to let me go *and* tell me what a good time she'd had and what a good boy I was. One reason why it'd be nice knowing that we each trust each other enough that she can say "No" when I ask for mercy (and therefore I won't feel any hesitation in asking for it - yes, I do realize that's my old "hangs unto too much control" problem again, and I also realize that in such extreme distress it probably would not be an issue, if I'm really that bad off I won't resist asking because she might say yes and I don't really want her to, I'd just ask and later, perhaps, feel guilty if she granted me mercy on my request) is that it would, I think, avoid some of the complexities of the situation, that is, if I know that she will refuse me mercy if she thinks I can continue and she wants me to continue, then I won't feel guilty/inadequate when/if she does show me mercy. Which might, perhaps, make me more likely to ask her "please let me out, Mistress" when I'm in a really unpleasant spot. And give her the pleasure of saying "no". ;-> --------------------------------------- ----------------- Sharing a rant (excerpts from email, all the words mine) [comment of mine about it being OK for a woman to enjoy seeing a man come, followed by this statement of mine] > > (even if some factions of the gynosupremacy sisterhood > > consider that heresy)). [snip comment about the expectations of the sisterhood ] I agree with you that alternative sexuality doesn't need to be straitjacketed (no offense to those who enjoy straitjackets). That's one issue with the sisterhood. Another that I have is the way I perceive the "legitimizing myth" of male evil as central to "official" femdom (well, the F/m variety) FWIW, I am also annoyed at the "legitimizing myth" of female weakness in "official" M/f maledom. Especially so (being selfish) because of the way this plays out as "women are naturally submissive because submission is weakness and women are weaker than men", because this makes male submissives - even I play with the connotations of "submale" but still feel some resentment that not everyone who does that is joking - an especially weak and pathetic lot (this is especially true among Goreans, among whom the lowest of the low is a male slave, who's much less valuable and vastly less respectable than a female slave (which is IMO a very widespread attitude even among nonGoreans, partly simply as a matter of supply and demand (and, of course, some male slaves find it a turnon))). Anyway, I resent what I perceive to be a persistent disrespect for submissives in general and a deeper disrespect for male submissives. Naturally, I do understand the extent to which fantasy enters into this, as well as the extent to which het male submissives have earned themselves bad reputations. But I also believe that there is a disagreeable extent to which within the scene - I expect it from those outside the scene - there is genuine disrespect for people who submit (and I think there is, among some number of dominants, an abusive subtext in their dominating people they feel are lesser than them). This sometimes rears its head in the statement from some people who opt to identify as slaves by saying that "there's nothing at all submissive about me". So I have issues with the official myths of maledom as well as the official myths of femdom (I would need to, since the idea of submissive weakness (though not the idea of female's being naturally submissive) is one that femdom adopts - even if it has some contradictions to other official myths of femdom). The prevalent OMOF is that men are bad and male sexuality is an evil to be suppressed and useful *only* insofar as it can be used to control those bad men, which, as it happens, coincides with feminist mythology, understandably enough. That there's some basis for this view I don't dispute. And I certainly don't mind those men and women who want to play this way, whether because they accept the mythology or simply enjoy playing with the mythology (there's a lot of playing with various mythologies in wiitwd, but some people seem to take the mythologies seriously). But - and I've been thinking about this since you made your comment about being a mushy domme - I don't like the way, especially (but not exclusively) in femdom, the official myth gets pressed on people as if anyone not playing that way is doing it wrong or a poseur or, if the person is a domme, that, no, they aren't dominant, they're just gratifying men. There's nothing wrong with considering submissives perfectly good and capable and competent people (in some cases even amazing people) deserving of respect even at they same time they are controlled and dominated and used. Nor with thinking that men are sometimes good people and it's OK to really like a man, even a submissive man, and that it's OK to enjoy his sexuality and for *him* to enjoy his sexuality and for his domme to enjoy his enjoying his sexuality. Being good to a submale, enjoying him, and enjoying making him feel good (when it suits the dom ;-> ) are all quite fine things. The problem - rant soon to stop, promise - is that so many people cannot feel good about sadism or dominance or both. They can't enjoy simply doing it for the best reason of all: because they like it. They need to come up with a justification for it. So they come up with the idea that they, as naturally superior dominant people, *should* be dominating these weak and naturally inferior submissive people. In the femdom world, they add to this the idea (which at least has a bit more substance to it) that men are dangerous beasts and male sexuality a menace and both need to be controlled (and male sexuality suppressed) by strong women who will feminize these beasts. The irony of all this, IMO, is that it takes away the sweetest part of dominance and sadism: the idea that the assertion of power over this other person - the strong and wonderful person - is being done for no other reason than because the dom wants to and can and will, and he or she LIKES it. That's all the justification there needs be. To the extent there is any other justification, that diminishes the joy of it. If what we are doing is as it should be, well, damn, then what's special about doing it ? If I deserve to be strapped to a bench and my ass spanked till it glows red, then what's the power in doing it to me ? It's when you can strap me to that bench without any pretense or excuse or justification or any reason other than that you want to (and could, if you wished, say to me "I want you to know that I know you haven't done anything wrong and don't deserve this; I want you to know I'm going to be very cruel to you for only one reason: I enjoy it") that you should feel very special. And there's absolutely no reason why a woman who could do that to me shouldn't equally well enjoy sucking my cock all day and making me come over and over again, if she likes that. There's nothing wrong with me coming, and nothing wrong with her enjoying making me come. [snip comment about something being unfair and not caring] Nor should you. ;-> It's OK to be unfair and selfish. That's even charming in a dominant, and perhaps even more so in a female dominant (and if that's sexist and unfair, great). What's not OK - and after *this* the rant will be over - is the use of pretenses to explain why what is unfair actually is simple justice. It's not OK partly because it's dishonest, but even more so, it's not OK because it diminishes dominance and sadism, it cheapens what we do. Revel in the unfairness, revel in doing what we want for no other reason than that it is what we want. Yes, with partners who consent, for some definition of "consent". But not out of some pettifogging legality or some sense of doing what's right or just or fair. Just because people doing what they want is good enough and if everyone involved is doing what they freely chose to do, then that's good enough. Hey, if "just punishment" is one's thing, great, enjoy. But just don't forget it's about joy not justice and power not propriety (but if feeling proprietary about one's property makes one feel joyous and powerful, go for it ;-> ). -- Continued The weird thing is - I'm suddenly reminded of "North Dallas 40" "The weird part !?" - I don't know how many femdoms actually think men are evil. Probably not many. But much of femdom attitudes, particularly in the "sex with men bad" area, stems from the mythology of men as beasts (it also comes from the influence of the prodomme on femdom (since prodommes for legal reasons make it a point not to have or facilitate sex with clients but for fetish reasons would prefer to mask why they don't have sex with clients, and so make a virtue of a necessity) and from the accurate feeling of many femdoms that men are more obedient when kept in a state of sexual deprivation, and also from the fact that a significant percentage of submissive men are into humiliation and like being put down). This all, I think, tends to have a noxious if largely unnoticed effect on the treatment of male submissives even by people who don't actually believe that men are wicked. There's also, of course, a simple supply and demand thing. While "true" male submissives may be hard to find, self-identified male submissives are such a huge glut on the market that there's not much incentive to be nice to us, or at least no disincentive to not be nice. ---- > > It is unfortunate that a lot of us still feel we need > > to hide who we are even within the scene. [snip response] A line from "Interview with the Vampire" comes to mind, about making a comformists club of eternity. Of course, BDSMers aren't vampires - despite the appeal of the metaphor of vampires as a community set apart, which works for BDSMers and many outsiders - but I understand the feeling. Defy society and conventional morality and dare to be bound only by one's own choices - and choose to live in strict conformity to community protocols one had no hand in making ? Well, there *are* people who like that idea (if the protocols are kinky), which is why I wonder about whether, among the many other ways those who do wiitwd can be categorized is as existentialists versus hierarchists. People who believe it's about choosing your place vs people who believe it's about being in your proper place (who, if I may be forgiven some snobbishness, seem to this existentialist[1] as being in some ways closer to vanillas than to me). [1] which I identify as even while I'll at the same time admit that I didn't choose to be what I am. But I think that I would have chosen it (unlike the T.E. Lawrence of the movie, with his classic line, after it's been said that a man can be whatever he wants: "Yes, but he can't *want* what he wants"). One further reflection, I don't think existentialists and hierarchists are a division of an "you are this or that" type (and even if it were it would be one of a 1000 such ways to divisions). I think rather that these are two sets of people who have very little overlap and who are disproportionately represented in the scene. [snip] I don't actually think that man haters are all that common, or especially common in the scene. What I do think is that for various reasons man-hating and/or the hatred of male sexuality has become a part of the language of femdom, and I think that as is often the case the language we use shapes who we are whether we realize it or not, and so there is, I think, a noxious if unnoticed effect from this language. It's sort of like the military training in which people are trained to act like hard assed warriors (even if in fact they're not yet anything of the sort and if put in the field against real hard-assed warriors would probably get slaughtered) because one becomes what one pretends to be. [snip] I know people for whom the idea that the dom is so much more than the sub is very important. I try very hard to believe that this kink is OK, but I admit that when someone once described herself as being like a tiny being held in the hand of a giant dominant and staring up at the dominant in wonder, I found it quite revolting. --------------------------------- "Tongues and Totems" Such an unusual (for me) string of fantasies. I can't say I ever thought a lot about tongue torture (sometimes some clamps, and of course the over popular hot peppers). Can't recall ever before imagining my dominant calling me over and having me kneel by a table, then telling me to stick out my tongue, then to lower my head so my tongue rests on the table, and then raising her foot and putting her high heel over my tongue, amd smiling as she lets me wonder if she's really going to grind my tongue under her heel. Or about her having told me, shortly before this, to go to her closet and bring her a pair of shoes, which pair is at my discretion. I should be smart enough to bring her a comfortably stylish set of flats, but I might succumb to temptation and bring her the pair I'd like to see her wear: the ones with those high thin heels that would hurt like hell to have one's tongue ground beneath. Nor, as it happens, have I had the fantasy that she'd tell me to put the high heeled pumps I brought her onto a small stool and kneel in front of them and polish them diligently until she came for them. I'm a big fan of high heels, but when not being worn by a woman they don't excite me, and I'm not much into manual labor and I bore easily and it hurts to kneel for more than a very short time, so kneeling and polishing high heels isn't something that excites me. But I would recognize that what she had in mind was truly "fetish" activity: kneeling and worshipping her shoes as the substitute for her and making them as shiny and sparkling (as "happy" if a pair of high heels can be said to be happy) as I'd hope to make her, and to keep my attention focused soley on her shoes, no paying attention to the TV (ah, did she mean to leave that S&M video playing on the VCR ?), eyes forward and down, hands buffing her shoes, polishing my spear can wait for another time, the video can wait, the news on the TV in the other room (visible from the stool were I to turn my head) can wait, while I devote all my attention to her, or to whatever she's designated to be her totem (it could just as easily be the silver she wanted polished, but today she picked the high heels - in part so when she's stepping on my tongue later she can remind me that it was very important that I clean the soles of her shoes carefully). -------------------------------------- Another Ramble I might have mentioned this before, but one intriguing aspect of the above scenario is the way that your friends and I would thereafter look at each other. Forever after this, whenever I would seem them thereafter, as for example when I brought drinks and sandwiches to your table, I'd know - and they'd know that I knew - that they'd seen me helpless and hurt (moreso in this case, that they had made me helpless and hurt me) and that at least some of them had played with my cock. And that some probably would play with me again sometime, and that I had no choice in the matter. It would be solely up to you when and how. What I know I've discussed in other contexts is that I'd hope your friends enjoyed the previous event and looked forward to subsequent ones (I now get into one of my weird fantasies, "fantasizing about what doesn't happen to me", the scene in which you ask one of your friends into the kitchen after you send me to fetch something and privately rebuke her for having been disrespectful to me (for a somewhat idiosyncratic definition of "disrespect"; saying she's looking forward to paddling my ass again is fine, silently holding her glass up and expecting me to take it and fill it is fine (since she's your guest and I'm serving your guests) but insulting me is not; just because she may sometimes get to whack my bare ass when I'm bound and partly naked and being made to walk in circles and at those times is free to grab my cock and balls and yank on them, that's no reason for her to think she has the right to be rude to me), and that you gained some elevated status from this fact. > > Interestingly today I was having a lot of thoughts about > > use of people as anonymous sex toys (well, where the bottom > > is bound and hooded and maybe wearing earphones so he or she > > can't hear (you'd have to instruct me beforehand that I was > > to respond to taps on the head about what I was to do, tap > > me on the back of the head and it meant move the dildo protruding > > from my mouth and my hood forward)); of course, you might think > > that I'd enjoy being used by women too much, which makes being > > taken bound and hooded to a gay party and turned over to the > > people as a party favor (which the understanding that you'd > > be allowed to watch; don't know if being awaited on and pampered > > by gay men while I'm getting used hard seems more fun than waiting > > in the shadows and observing) from both sides (dom & sub) Well, part of the appeal, for me, of the gay party scenarios (nope, no latent homesexuality here, not me, no) is the more purely submissive aspect of it, that unlike being played with by women there's not the aspect of enjoying the event, the only enjoyment I could derive would be from your enjoyment or from your pride in my service (well, I might perhaps take some pride in having given a man a good blowjob, but I don't think I'd get any pleasure from having his cock in my mouth; just from seeing you flushed with pleasure and glowing with pride watching me doing the man at his feet you'd pointed and snapped your fingers). > > Fun for the sexual angle, of course, but more fun for the > > property angle. > > > > This tied in nicely with the idea of "harnessed power" > > (OK, reaching too far for the pun there). The idea of > > the slave as having power, but now that the slave is > > under another's power, it's not longer his or her power > > to use, now the person simply gets used. > > > > FWIW, I started thinking about this when looking at a > > porn pic from the net. Nothing extraordinary. A pretty > > woman standing bound in a harness (crotchrope and clit knot > > included). It's very possible I'm projecting, but her face > > seemed to have an expression of pride and resignation nicely > > intermingled. That she was aware that she exerted power > > over men; even know, bound and helpless, she was exerting > > power over them. But she *was* bound and helpless, and > > no longer had any control over her power. Her captors > > decided what she would do and with whom; she no longer had > > the power to fluster any man staring at her with a knowing > > and dismissive look. Now, anyone who wanted could look > > at her all he wanted, and she had to accept it. Whether > > she liked it or not didn't matter, because it wasn't her > > choice. Nor was it her choice to whose room she was taken, > > blindfolded, and obliged to service the occupant. ..... rather interesting to have her thinking how much she wishes she were a little less beautiful, that if she were just a very pretty woman she'd still have all the attention she wanted but she wouldn't have been so desired that she ended up losing her freedom; it's thrilling being intensely desired, but, her arms twisting futilely in the ropes, she wishes that she'd been a normal woman, she didn't ask to be a goddess, she hadn't worked hard at being beautiful. Maybe she did use her looks sometimes, but she never meant to be a tease, or well, she never deliberately teased anyone she didn't hope to gratify sometime {pull on ropes; no good, they aren't loosening}. She liked being sexy, she liked sex, but she did want to have a life... now she was just going to stand around in high heels and lingerie at parties given by the people who said they were her owners {shit, does owning the rope around her limbs give them ownership of her...well, owning the rope, and owning that damned cattle prod which she did *not* want touching any part of her again) looking good until she was directed which favorite was going to be favored with her favors; dammit, it's not fair just cause she's beautiful that they make her do this that they take away her life and make her an object for other people to use....damn, shit, she's going to cry, if she cries her makeup will run and they'll going to zap her with that damed prod if her makeup runs, she has to try not to cry, don't think of her life or what passes for a life just stand here and look pretty and try not to feel the despair since despair isn't pretty... how many of the people out there admiring her beauty know how much she wishes she had fought and died when they came to capture her... and how many of them, if they knew that the bound beauty at the wall wished she could die, would find that a turn-on ? {I must not cry... I must not cry...oh shit....} > > Got to thinking about the issue of old sex slaves. After > > years as a slave, years in which she was, as a sort of > > conspicuous consumption, used solely for her physical > > charms (all the more fun the more intelligent and capable > > she is; it's sort of fun to think of a person of vast > > gifts being assigned to use solely as an animate sex toy). > > Does she have to worry about being killed when she's not > > quite as hot as some others, or maybe she's simply assigned > > to take care of a hotter slave. > > > > In the male version, there's the question of execution, > > and the question of whether a man whose owner had decided > > he was no longer as interesting as he'd been would be > > permitted to keep the tool he would no longer be using. > > > > Which lead to a very obvious observation and yet something > > I'd not thought of before. How part of the attraction of > > the scenario in which the slave is told that when he or > > she ceases to amuse he or she will be killed, or in the > > case of a man that he'll be castrated and sent to work > > in the garden, bringing flowers to the slaves she does > > still favor, is the way it cuts through (ah, so to speak) > > a lot of concerns: I don't need to worry if I'm wanted > > or valued, the fact I'm alive and intact proves that I > > am. ----------------------