This is the beginning of my story, the beginning of my adult
life.  Adult, meaning when I really discovered my sexuality.  I
tried writing this story for another site which would not accept
the story age of one under 18 but found it hard to follow up with
the other parts of the story dealing different aspects of my life
at an early age.  So here it is... After all, we kids start a
hell of a lot earlier than 18 in discovering ourselves.  Now that
I am much older, in my 20s, I thought this would explain a lot of
how I got to be who I am.
Enjoy...
Sara


I was 16, out of school for the summer and on my first job
working to get money for college, when it happened, when I lost
my virginity.

I was a "good" girl, in the sense of not being that type of girl
if you know what I mean.  You know the type I'm referring to,
easy or slutty, like in being the school slut although I had a
little dark secret involving a neighbor kid.  I thought it was
harmless at the time and found it exciting.

I was a virgin, had pledged myself to remain pure for my future
husband, a good Catholic girl from a good large Catholic family.
A girl very popular in school, a Catholic school, active in most
of the school sports like cross country, swimming, volleyball,
basketball etc. and active in FFA, 4-H, public speaking etc. I
had a full schedule and with straight A grades.  I even tried out
to be a cheerleader but that interfered with the rest of my
activities.  I knew I would be accepted to one of the top
Catholic colleges with full scholarships.   I had it made.  I was
so innocent and pure to the point of being overly naive.   The
school, in spite of trying to teach high moral values, was still
a school with a bunch of kids with raging hormones like any other
school.  Some of us though believed in the high moral values they
were trying to teach us, well most of us anyway.

I was a small blue eyed blond, slender to almost looking
anorexic, that due to genetics and a very active life style, lots
of exercise due to running, swimming and believe it or not weight
lifting all of which I still do today.  I live to be active and
it shows in my body, a body I am very proud of.

Anyway, being a blond had its draw backs too.  You know the dumb
blond jokes.  I think I heard them all.  I was also known as one
of class prudes because well you know that too, I didn't date
much and when I did, the guys never got past kissing.  The other
thing was my brothers.  Most of the guys at school were scared of
them so they were a deterrent to anyone that tried to date me.  I
guess that was mostly why I did what I did about the neighbor
kid, letting him watch me at night.  He was after all, just a
kid.  I ignored him otherwise.  That was my wild side.

The group of kids I hung around with was, well like me.  We were
a tight group dedicated to the Catholic principles of remaining
pure and involved in the same activities in church and school.


I was a sophomore in high school and had my first real summer
job, earning money for college.  It was in a large grocery store
and I started out as a stock person to learn the store and
graduated to a cashier.  I was a quick learner.  It was fun; I
loved to interact with the public.  The most fun was when the
store wasn't busy and I had time to talk with those checking out
at the register or I when got to help stock the shelves and
really interact with the other employees and get to know them. 
The manager was not strict in that he believed we should all have
fun at work.  It made for a much more happy and productive work
force.  No one ever had a bad word to say about work and it
seemed everyone was always glad to go to work.  I know I was.

 It was the area manager of product purchasing that took an
interest in me.  He was cute and 28 years old and very
interesting to talk with.  He wasn't around that much.  He had
some 14 stores that he was responsible for and came through only
several times a month around the time or just after the store
inventory that was done each month.  He seemed fun and full of
jokes and everyone liked him.  He was a big tease.  He sometimes
helped in the inventory or if he had nothing else to do while he
was there, he helped with stocking shelves.  We all pitched in
when we had to, even the store manager.  I enjoyed being around
him and looked forward to seeing him when he came to the store. 
It wasn't puppy love or anything like that, I just liked it when
he paid special attention to me and teased me.  I wasn't looking
for a relationship or anything like that, not with an old guy
like him.   Race was a problem too.  I was from an old white
southern conservative republican family.  Not that my family was
racist, we had friends, it's just that old beliefs take a long
time to die.  My parents would not approve of me dating an older
guy let alone him being black.  I had good friends in school that
were of different races, I had no problem with that.  None were
black though.  I was curious and a little intrigued with him.  I
had never been around a black guy.  I just wished my parents were
a little more open minded.  I might have gone out on more dates.


I had plans, big plans to go on to college after high school, get
my law degree and become a big time lawyer.  I would be working
there only during the summer months to get spending money for
school.  Later when I did get to school I hoped I could get a
part time job in one of the stores near the school.

I had been on the job for a little over 1 month when the small
earthquake hit that sent everything tumbling to the floor and the
store had to be closed several days for cleanup and restocking. 
We worked in shifts and it seemed we worked around the clock to
get the store ready to reopen on Friday.  Since I had worked
through the night, I was to have the Friday off along with the
weekend.  That was OK with me.  The crew was exhausted that
Thursday night when everything was finally ready for the store
opening in the morning and the purchasing manager, Ben, suggested
we go out for pizza with the store buying. We were all for it. 
It would be a big celebration for our hard work.

The store called one pizza place and reserved the large room they
had for such parties.  We filled it and had a somewhat wild
party.  Even though I was too young to drink and wouldn't have if
I had been with just a few of my friends, I snuck in several
beers.  I shouldn't have.  It was easy though, poring dark beer
into a coke glass.  Ben was the one that did it and I let him. 
Those that had to work the next morning left early and I was one
of the last to leave and slightly intoxicated and trying to sober
up a little.  Ben was still there and finally coaxed me out to my
car.  He kept telling me that he would drive me home and would
catch a taxi back to get his car later.  He talked me into it and
helped slip me into the passenger side of the car.  He got in to
drive.  I was sober enough to remember the conversation.

"Sara, can I take you on a side trip to see the city lights
before I take you home?"

"Yes I would like that," I replied.  I had never had the chance
to drive up on some of the ridges that overlooked the town during
the night to see the lights and well I was feeling good and it
sounded like a good idea.

It didn't take long to drive up the ridge road into a
neighborhood of very expensive homes.  I thought we would park
somewhere along the ridge and was surprised when we turned into a
driveway and pulled up to a house.  The garage door was open and
he drove in and closed the door behind us.

"What are you doing?" I stated questioning him as I looked at
him.

"Relax Sara; we need to go inside on the upper deck to really get
to see the lights.  We can see over the trees and see the whole
town."

Feeling good and well I felt safe with him, I let him lead me up
the stairs from the garage and into the house.

"Who lives here?" I asked. "Do you know them?"

He laughed.  "Well yes, I know who lives here.  He is a good
friend of yours."

Puzzled, I was trying to remember if I knew anyone that would
live in such a place and was really unaware that he had taken my
hand and was leading me through the house.  The house was dark
and I was unaware of where we were when he led me through the
bedroom and out onto the upper deck.

The lights of the town were amazing, the air so cool, the sky so
clear, and the stars so bright.  It took my breath away.  I stood
there transfixed.

"Beautiful isn't it?" His hand felt hot in mine and I quickly
became aware we were still holding hands.

"Oh yes Ben, I have never seen anything so beautiful."  I had let
go of his hand and felt a shiver when I felt his arm move around
my waist.

He pulled me into him as I started to protest and move away.  He
held me tighter and leaned down and kissed me.  I started to
protest and tried to push him away but as the kiss lingered, I
felt myself respond and began kissing him back.  It felt good. 
Soon our tongues were exploring, dueling as tongues do.  This was
new for me, these new feelings.   I felt myself getting hot in
spite of the cooling evening air.   His hands were around my
waist holding me to him.  My arms were around his neck, pulling
him to me.  I was breathless, wanting him to suck my tongue in
deeper.  I had never kissed anyone like this before.

"No Ben," I gasp as I felt his hands move up under my t-shirt and
release my bra.  "No, we can't do this."

I tried to push him away but his hands already found my small
breasts and were cupping them, feeling them and tweaking the
nipples.

"No Ben," I gasp again as his mouth covered mine and sucked my
breath away as his hands explored.   I don't remember how or when
he removed my t-shirt and bra but it had to be when I gasp for
breath.  I wasn't aware he was backing me into the bedroom as his
mouth quickly covered mine again and his hands quickly resumed
exploring.   My mind was whirling; I was light headed, dizzy from
the warm feelings surging through my body.  I felt resistance on
the back of my legs, about mid thigh level, a softness as he
pushed me against and gently lay me back upon the bed.

I tried to protest again, my mind was telling me this was wrong
but my body was telling me something else.

"No Ben, I..."  But what I was trying to tell him was lost again
as his mouth covered one of my breasts and his hands tweaked the
nipple of the other.   I was lost in one of the most incredible
feelings I ever experience as an orgasm begin to grow.  I felt my
muscles stiffen as an electric current raced through me and then
all at once my muscles begin to quiver and spasm and I shook as
this wave of pleasure raced back through me.

As I came down from this incredible feeling, he had somehow
lifted me further up onto the bed and now I was fully in the
middle of the bed with my head on the pillow at the headboard. 
The bedside light had been turned on and he was on top of me, his
weight holding me down as he began kissing me all over, mouth,
lips, cheeks, neck and back down to my breasts.  He had risen up
and was kneeling between my legs and working on the belt I was
wearing and the snap and zipper of the Levi's I wore.

"No Ben, we can't do this, I can't do this," I kept trying to say
and started to fight him.  I swung my fists at him hitting him
and tried to role away but he grabbed my hands and tied them to
the bars of the headboard with a silk tie.

"Ben, you're hurting me," I cried as he held me tightly down and
tied my hands.  He was sitting on me holding me down as he tied
me.  "Ben, no," I was crying now, sobbing "No..."

When he had me tied, he again positioned himself where he was
sitting on my legs and again began working on my belt and Levi's.
 He quickly had the belt, snap and zipper undone and raised up
and quickly pulled them down taking my panties with them.  I was
fully nude now and I tried to turn and position my legs so he
couldn't look at me.  He grasp my ankles turning me so I faced
him and spread my legs and got back between them kneeling so that
his ankles were positioned over my legs effectively pinning them
so I couldn't move.  He sat there just looking at me, taking me
in.

"Sara, Sara, my Sara, you are so beautiful.  I've wanted you
since the first day I saw you. "He reached down and touched my
golden patch.  "God Sara, you're beautiful!"

I flinched at his touch.  "Ben please don't do this, please let
me go, I've never been with a man before."  I couldn't think.  I
couldn't get away.  "Ben, let me go.  No one need know you did
this.  Please let me go."

"You're a virgin?  I thought so.  I'll be gentle.  You'll be mine
and only mine.  You'll like it. I know you will.  You have liked
it so far haven't you; it's going to even get better."

He was still fully clothed and as he leaned down and began
kissing me, covering my mouth with his, he pulled off his shirt.
I couldn't fight him, being tied and him having his weight on my
legs.  I let him kiss me.  I tried not to like it as I had before
but it wasn't until I felt his hands on my breasts working them
that I felt a response.  My body was trying to control my mind. 
When his mouth worked its way back to my breasts, I felt my will
weakening.  He was suckling at my breasts when his hands left my
body and worked at his Levi's and undid the snaps and zipper and
began working them down.  I couldn't see, his head and chest was
in the way but I felt him adjust his position.  The pressure of
his weight on my legs changed as he rose up and removed his
pants, one leg at a time.  When he lay down upon me, bringing his
mouth back to mine, I knew he was nude and ready to take me.  His
engorged cock felt like a burning log pressed between us.

I struggled and tried to push him off me using my feet and legs
as leverage but he was too heavy.  When his mouth left mine, I
started pleading with him to let me go but as his mouth and hands
found their place upon my breasts, my body again began to desert
my mind and began to respond to his caresses.  I was groaning, I
thought at my displeasure of him in trying to get him to stop,
but my groans were from my body's response of his caresses and
they only encouraged him.

When his weight left me and his mouth and hands moved down and
explored the rest of my body and mound of hidden passion and
pleasure, I lost.  There was a ferocious and primal need sweeping
through me.  Something I never felt before.  My body gave in and
I fell into the intense deep pleasure that I would find hard to
ever escape from.  His mouth and hands explored me, took me to
places I had never been before.  Each orgasm was more intense
than the last.  My body was covered in sweat.  The moisture
escaping from me wet the blanket under me.  I was lost, groaning
my pleasure unable to protest any longer.  I didn't want him to
stop.  He kept up his attack on my opening, my clit; his tongue
probed me, fingers probed me and found my g-spot.  I was lost in
this pleasure.  My hips jumped up to meet his probing; my body
quivered and shook with each orgasm.   I could feel the heat, the
swelling of my sex as he lapped at me, swallowing me as I
released to him, for him.  Wild animal lust had taken over my
body.

 I was tinder, my clit so swollen and tinder.  I heard myself
finally begging him to stop, I couldn't take anymore.  My groans
were becoming quieter.   The sounds escaping from my throat were
hoarse.  I was gasping for air with my chest and heart pounding,
my throat dry.  My moans were coming in whispers, my body
exhausted, my hands and arms straining in the restraints, wanting
to hold him, wanting to hold him inside me.

"Fuck me," I said in a whisper.  "Ben, fuck me."

"What?" He said as he rose up and looked at me.

"Ben I want you inside me."  I didn't think that was something I
would ever say to anyone other than my intended husband, but I
heard myself say it.  My body and its craving need to have him
inside me.

"Please."

 He started moving his lips back up my body, kissing my clit one
last time sending shivers through me and continued kissing,
pausing at the top of my mound and then kissing his way up to my
breasts, sucking at them before kissing me deeply on my mouth
sucking my tongue into his.  That was when I felt him poking and
probing at my opening.  He was kneeling over me, on his hands and
knees when I felt him slightly pushing.

I raised my hips to him wanting to help him and I felt the
engorged head slip across my swollen opening.  I gasp as the
swollen head slowly entered me.   I thought it would hurt but he
was taking his time to slowly enter me.  He lay down on me,
resting his body just slightly on me.  I wrapped my legs loosely
around his back as he untied my hands.  My arms quickly went
around him as his mouth found mine again.  He slowly pushed and
stopped and let my body adjusted to him. We kissed and he
caressed me with his hands, explored me with them as well as his
mouth.  He slowly pushed in again and stopped, letting my body
again adjust to him.  He kept up this slow advance.   Push in
slowly, stop and again let my body adjust to him over and over
again.  I could feel him inside me, stretching me pushing up
inside me.  I didn't know how big he was, I never saw it but the
feeling of him inside me was beautiful.  His being inside me and
making love to me while caressing my breasts and kissing me
wherever he could place his mouth was incredible and caused me to
orgasm several times.  Each time my body quivered and shook he
pushed a little harder and further up inside me, stretching me
faster.

I felt him pushing against the very bottom of me, pushing up into
what felt like my stomach when I felt him stiffen and hold still.
His cock spasmed and flexed a few times and I looked into his
face and watched him grimace as he held still, while biting his
lower lip.  I thought something was wrong and almost asked him
when he finally smiled at me when I thought his pain was gone.

"Oh god that was close Sara.  You're so beautiful and tight I
almost came.  It's too soon for that.  I want to love you more."


After a few more moments lying still, he continued his slow
pushing.  He was sucking on each breast and tweaking the nipples
and pushing when I came again.  I moaned loudly this time as my
body shook and spasmed and my hips involuntarily jumped up and
forced him all the way in.   This time there was slight sharp
pain deep inside me as I felt his groin forcibly hit mine and
remain there.   He was in, all the way.  His groin was rubbing
against mine as my quivering subsided.  I was stretched fully to
him, impaled on his huge swollen rod.   It felt so hard and hot
inside me.  I wanted him to cum, the animal that I became wanted
him to cum inside me and fill me with his sperm.

"Cum inside me, fill me with your cum." I gasp in a hoarse
whisper.  "Make me yours."

When he slowly withdrew to begin his slow thrusting, it felt like
he was pulling me inside out.  His slow thrust back in was
painful but a pleasant pain, not the pain that I thought it would
be like.  He built up a steady slow rhythm that was driving me
crazy.  It felt so good.  I couldn't describe it.  I knew no
words that would describe the feeling.  My body felt so alive,
tingling from the tip of my head to my very toes with this
indescribable feeling deep in my stomach as another orgasm began,
this time deep within me.

This time, he whispered, "Sara, I am so close, I'm coming."

I felt him stiffen and seem to grow larger as he pushed in and
held himself deep within me.    His groin pressed into mine and I
felt the muscles there begin to quiver as I suddenly felt his
hard cock begin to flex and spasm and begin pumping me full of
his cum.  The feeling of his release into me was incredible and
our bodies became one as I begin to quiver with him as a hard
orgasm overtook me.  As our orgasms subsided, he lay on top of me
and I locked my ankles around him and held him to me, savoring
his heat and the feeling of him inside me as he slowly shrunk and
slipped from me.

At some point exhaustion over took me and I fell asleep after he
rolled off me.  During the early morning darkness though, I felt
him enter me several times and cum within me, my body receptive
to him, wanting him even though I never fully became awake.  Deep
sleep overtook me again.

I struggled awake when light hit my eyes.  I was struggling out
of this fog, sunlight hitting my eyes.  Confused I looked around.
 I was in this strange bed, strange room when the events of the
night hit me between the eyes like a hammer.  I struggled out of
bed angry at myself at what I had done, thoughts flooding back.

"Oh my god Sara," I said aloud to myself.  "What stupid thing
have you done?"

I scampered around hunting for and gathering up my clothes.  I
was starting to cry as I was thinking about how far I had fallen.
 My hopes and dreams now shattered, disappointed at myself and
wondering what my parents would do if they found out.  My purity
gone, my principles shattered.  Pregnant! The thought hit me. 
What if I was now pregnant!  My parents wouldn't accept this.  I
would shame them.   My college dreams gone.  There was no way I
could go to school.  I started to cry harder and had trouble
finding the bathroom through my tears.  I felt dirty I needed to
get clean.  I hurt down there, was sore to the touch.  I looked
at myself, and saw my golden triangle plastered to me, reddish
cum dripping from me and slipping down my thigh.  I cried harder
as I saw the blood and stumbled into the shower and washed and
then washed again.  I needed to get clean.  Through washing, I
dried and dressed.  I had to get away, go home and think.

I started to leave when I saw his note.  "Sara, I will be home
around 3.  I hope you will be there."  That caused me to cry
harder, tears blinding me as I ran from the house.  Finding my
car in the driveway, I got in and sat thinking.  Run away, I can
run away.  No, that won't work, if I'm pregnant, I'll still be
pregnant.  Go home Sara and think this through.  Yes, that's what
I have to do.  I slowly drove home, trying to think my way
through this, confused at my feelings.  Why Sara, why did you let
him do this?  When I got home, I sat in the car for more than an
hour and cried.

I was glad no one was home when I finally got the courage to get
out of the car and go inside.  I headed to the bathroom to clean
up again.  I still felt dirty and climbed into the shower and
stood under the spray until the hot water was gone.  I didn't
know what to do.  My Catholic training and principles were
against birth control and abortion.  So were my parents, strict
Catholics, thus a large family.  I let them down.  I let myself
down.  I hid in my room.

When my parents came home, I told them I was sick.  I was sick. 
They hadn't asked when I came home or where I had been.  I had
been ready to tell them I had worked so late that I had decided
to spend the night at a girlfriend's house but they didn't ask. 
I was confused at what to do to. I thought of suicide, taking my
life. I couldn't really face my parents.  I couldn't face anyone.
 I lay in bed and cried.  It wasn't until Sunday night I figured
out what I had to do.  It finally hit me on how simple it was,
what I needed to do.

Monday morning I called in sick.  Told everyone I had the flu. 
When I was alone, I showered and dressed.  I got in my car and
drove to Planned Parenthood.  It took a lot of courage for me to
get out of the car and go inside.  I sat in the car for over an
hour before I gathered up enough courage to do that.  When inside
and with the nurse, I opened up.  That was very hard for me but I
had to let it out.  I told her I had unsafe sex with a boy in my
class, it was not planned and I was afraid I might get pregnant.
I didn't tell her of my other problems of being a Catholic and
all. I just told her that I was all alone in this and very
afraid.  She did all the rest.  She gave me what they called the
morning after pill which made me very sick later on after I
swallowed it.   I also got 3 months supply of birth control
pills.  I didn't know if I would take them or not but I had them
anyway.  Then I left, more relieved than I thought I would be. 
Still, my fall from grace, which is what I thought of it anyway,
was still there.  My parents would never forgive me.  I'm not
sure I could ever forgive myself.  Tuesday night I had severe
cramps and bled.  Wednesday, the cramps and bleeding were still
there and I stayed home.  I told my mom the cramping was my
period and that was that.  She understood.

Thursday, I went to work.  I felt better even though I still had
light bleeding but figured it was normal for my period.  I also
started my birth control pills.  Something I never thought I
would do.   I convinced myself I was no longer worthy to have
high moral values.  I was worthless so what did it matter.  I
guess I grew up that day and finally faced reality. I was no
longer that pure little innocent girl that my parents raised.

Still, I was scared to face him.  My eyes kept darting around the
store hoping I would never see him again.  I was lucky he only
came through one or two days a month and after two weeks of not
seeing him, I calmed down a little.

It was harder at home after I went to bed and I had time to dream
about what he did to me, what I had become.  Invariably, with my
mind wondering, the feelings would came back and my fingers
always found their way down there making me live the sensations
all over.  I imagined him making love to me over and over as I
worked myself into a crushing orgasm.  It was like this every
night.  I couldn't help it.  I couldn't stop.

One day when I was working he came in the store to work with the
inventory crew and I caught him watching me.  I tried to ignore
him and during my break for lunch he followed me to the lunch
room and tried to corner me and talk to me but I ducked out and
hid in the rest room until my break was over.  When I went back
to the register, he didn't try to talk to me.  I didn't see him
after that and worked until it was time to go home.  He never
tried to talk to me in the store after that.

The problem was I couldn't get him out of my mind.  When I wasn't
hard at work, my mind busy, I would think of him, day dream of
him.  I could feel his hands and mouth on my body, feeling his
heat as he hover over me and entered me.  I could feel the sweat
drip from him as he kept up his thrusting into me.  I could feel
my rapid heartbeat, the heat of my sex swell as he brought me to
climax.  I could feel him stiffen and his cock flex and spasm as
he released into me.  This was so very real, these dreams.
I was no longer that young innocent girl but a troubled woman, a
fallen woman.  I started skipping church and church activities. 
I hardly ever talked to my parents for very long; I knew they
would see through me and see what I had become.

Working at the store was becoming hard and troubling for me with
all these dreams of having sex with him and wanting him.   Each
night after work, after getting home and having dinner with my
parents, I would sneak out and find myself at his house hiding in
the dark and watching, watching for him.  Most nights he wouldn't
be there.  Then I would sneak back home, slip into bed and dream
of him making love to me.  When he was there, he was alone and I
would watch until he went to bed, wanting him.  One night when he
wasn't home, I found an open window and snuck in.  I explored the
house, his belongings and found a spare key to the back door.  I
kept it and let myself in from then on and waited inside the
house wondering what he would do if he found me.

One night, a night I knew he would come home, I snuck in and
waited for him.  I didn't know exactly what I was going to do
until I saw the lights of his car in the driveway and I heard him
park in his garage.  I quickly slipped out of my clothes, flipped
the blankets back on the bed and lay down and waited for him in
the dark.   I waited what seemed like several hours before I
heard him walking towards the bedroom turning on and off the
lights as he came.  Anticipation of him had already heated my
body and I could feel the moisture slipping from me.  My fingers
may have helped as I had tweaked my nipples and had felt my
swelling anticipation as my fingers had explored there.  I lay
there quietly my heart pounding, my breath shallow and gasping.

When he entered the bedroom and turned on the light and saw me he
just stood there looking with this surprised expression on his
face.

He stammered, "Sara."

I didn't say anything; I just spread my legs and reached out to
him begging him to come to me.  His shock gave away and he came
to me, removing his clothes quickly as he came to the bed.  He
crawled on and as he leaned over me, I saw him for really the
first time, his beautiful body.  As he leaned down to kiss me, I
reached for him and grasp his quickly growing hardness.  It was
the first time I had held him or any man and I was amazed at his
growing size, how his shaft flexed as it grew how it filled with
blood and grew harder.  I squeezed him taking delight on how he
reacted.  I sat up and kissed it and tasted the growing salty
pearl growing at its tip as I squeezed and pulled at him. I
wondered how all of it could fit inside me.  It was huge.

I wasn't that innocent; I had seen penises before, I had brothers
that I secretly spied on when I was just a kid.  One time while
playing and hiding in the barn, I watched one of them jack off. 
That fascinated me at the time, watching him as he played with it
and soon stuff spurted out of it.   I often hid there wanting to
see it done again but it was only that one time. Later when I got
a computer, I read about guys and looked at pictures on the
internet.  There was also this neighbor kid that I had been
teasing.  I knew it was wrong at the time but found it exciting.
I had discovered he was coming over at night and watching me
undress and shower, so I started doing a strip tease in front of
him and showing off my body.  I know he didn't know I knew he was
out there.  I could see him.  He would stand almost nose to
window watching me and I got to watch him jack off.  That was
stupid really, me doing that.  I'm glad he didn't have a camera.
That would have really caused me a problem.  As stupid as it was,
I continued letting him watch me until I left home.

What I was holding now wasn't like I had seen in pictures or read
about.  It certainly wasn't the average size of 6 inches.  I
could barely reach around it and it was long.  Longer than what
my brother had and much fatter.  I could grasp it with both hands
and the swollen head still poked up past them.  I wondered if
what I read and heard was true, that some men were naturally
bigger.

My thoughts were interrupted.   "Oh god Sara," he groaned as I
slipped my lips around his swollen head and I sucked at him.  "Oh
god Sara, this feels so good.  You've got to stop or you'll make
me cum."

I wanted him to but he pulled himself free and leaned in and
kissed me.  "There's time for that later.  Right now I want to
taste you."

He flipped me back and dove down on me and sucked me, driving me
wild.  It was like before, our first time.  He sent me crashing
through many orgasms before he slowed down and looked me square
in the eyes and said.  "You missed me didn't you?"

"Yes, you know I did."

"Then why did you avoid me?"


"I don't know..."  My answer was muffled as he began kissing me
deeply and I felt his hardness brushing at my swollen opening. 
In one swift shove, he was in eliciting a harsh gasp from me.  It
hurt me, the suddenness of being impaled so deeply, so quickly.
My body had no time to adjust to him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, I was too impatient.  I needed to get
inside you, to feel you around me.  I just couldn't hold back.  I
missed you so."  He held himself still as I grimaced through the
sharp pain and tried to relax as my body adjusted to him.  "I
forgot about my size and that you need me to go slow until you
are used to me."

"Just hold still and hold me." I told him as my legs wrapped
loosely around him and I pulled him down to lay on top of me. 
"Just hold me and be still.  Kiss me."  We rolled around on the
bed just kissing and holding each other, him keeping inside me,
tasting each other as hands and mouths explored where they could.
 When he suckled and played with my breasts, he brought me to
another orgasm.

When I felt I was ready, I gyrated my hips up into him letting
him know I was ready and wanted him.  My hips pumping up like a
piston were urging him on, letting him know not to not hold back.
 I wanted him to pound into me, wanted to feel the force of him.
Flesh slapped against flesh, screams and moans of joy escaping
our throats as we pounded against each other.   I was in the
throes of ecstasy as his pounding drew me in to an intense
orgasm.  I bucked, quivered and shook as my muscles spasmed and
tried to milked at him trying to get him to release into me.   I
was gasping for air, heart pounding, moaning and screaming as the
orgasm coursed through me.  Midway, he stiffened and began his
own release and my quivering body sucked him deeper into me.   We
rested and then continued our love making throughout the night,
pausing only to rest up before the next intense release.  We were
going at each other like animals lost in primitive animal rut.

We continued like this for the rest of the summer, meeting
whenever we could at his house.  He tended to be there more often
now and called me to make sure I would be there waiting for him.
I nearly always was, waiting in his bed, longing for him and
ready.  He made sure each time was like the first time, leading
me through multiple orgasms before he entered me, making me ready
for him.  He no longer hurt me when he entered and pounded into
me.  My body seemed to always ready for sex.

After the first few times we made love, he asked me to shave,
make things sexier for him.  He complained when he went down on
me and sucked and licked at me, hair would get caught in his
teeth or throat.  I wanted him to do it but he only had an
electric razor and although it trimmed close, he wanted it smooth
down there with just a small golden patch on my mound.  I'd seen
pictures on the internet and knew what he wanted so I went home
and did it.  I kept it neatly shaved and trimmed after that.

A short time later, he started acting a little strange.  It was
after he called me one day to meet two of his friends.  That was
something I never told him about, what happened during my
sophomore and junior year of high school, when we were together,
seeing each other.  It happened not long after we started meeting
at his house and making love.  At the time I didn't think he knew
so I kept quiet about it.  It was my dark secret.  As I think
about it now, so many years later, I know he knew and had a part
in it, that he had actually planned it.  Why?  I don't know.  For
him to have greater control over me maybe or give me more
experience?  He didn't need to do that.  I was so totally in love
with him and would have done anything for him.  I would have done
even this, if he had just asked.  I would have freely taken part.
 As it was, I did anyway.  It would have been even better if he
had been there, had taken part.

I know I should have been angry about it and with him but I
learned so much about pleasing men and being pleased at an early
innocent age and how beautiful sex was.  It happened more than
the one time; it was several times a month throughout my
sophomore and junior years when Ben wasn't around.  The first
time it frightened me and made me angry but I didn't fight it. I
didn't know guys could do it so many times, the two of them while
they were taking turns with me.  They made me so sore the first
several times, fucking me until I couldn't take it anymore,
fucking me until I was so dry it was only their cum lubricating
me.   After that, lube was supplied and used and it got a lot
better.

It didn't take long to like it and I soon looked forward to doing
it, pleasing them and pleasing him.  Maybe that was his plan, to
get me addicted to sex.  I know now he was pimping me at the time
but then it was only the same two guys and besides, I made a lot
of money.  At least they didn't get me into drugs.   I guess they
were conditioning me for a life of prostitution.  I've read
casework of young girls getting into prostitution exactly this
way but then I think Ben really fell in love with me and that is
why it stopped.

I didn't know what it was like to have multiple orgasms until Ben
and his friends.  I don't see how any drug could top that.


I had a key to his place, where we would always meet.  He claimed
it was his only spare key at the time.

It happened on a Wednesday, a school day when I had a short day.
I was out of school by 2:00 and usually went to the store to
work.  Just as I was getting ready to leave school, Ben called
and asked me to go by the house.  He had two buddies passing
through and had forgotten to leave a key for them.  Would I go
give them my key and entertain them for a while?  He would not
get to see them on this trip as he was not going to be in the
area this week.  I didn't know what he met by entertain but I
thought OK and told him I would swing by and do what he wanted. 
I asked him about them and he said they were old college buddies
and new to the area and would probably appreciate me showing them
around.

If I didn't make it to work, it would be OK, he would call and
take care of my time and line up a replacement for me.   I didn't
understand at the time why I still got paid even when I didn't
make it to work.  He even gave me $1500 later in the month when
we were together at his place.  He said he just wanted to give me
some extra money for school and to buy nice things.  He
appreciated me stopping by and giving his friends my key.  I was
ashamed of myself and afraid to tell him what happened.  I
thought it was my entire fault, that I let them fuck me.   I was
even more ashamed that I liked doing it with them.  I never
really understood why Ben was never around when they came through
town or why he acted a little strange the next time we saw each
other.  I couldn't ask him, I was afraid to.  I was afraid he
wouldn't want me anymore.

Each time I met with them they would either take me one at a time
or both at the same time.  They never mistreated me, like in
hitting, slapping or doing bad things.  It was just sex and a lot
of it.  I liked them doing me doggy when I would be giving head
to the other.  That was my favorite position with them and I got
to love giving head at the same time.   I would have hard deep
orgasms that way.  They both fucked me in the ass although Ben
never did.  I didn't really like that although I did have orgasms
that way.  It didn't seem natural to do that.  I still don't like
having that done.  I lost track of the number of times they
fucked me.  They always called me when they came through town. 
They were usually together but there were times that one or the
other would show up and have me alone.   I liked that too.

Ben always gave me a lot of money every time I met with his
friends.  I didn't understand that.  I didn't think he knew at
the time.  I was ashamed at what I had become.

I wondered why my parents never questioned me on my wild
behavior, that summer and later on.  My father was usually
working and my mom would sometimes look at me strangely but they
never questioned me.  I was glad for that.  I didn't know what to
say to them if they did.  I was glad they gave me this freedom,
so much leeway.  I guess it was from being the youngest.  They
were older and I guess tired of arguing with my older siblings.
When school started up again, my wildness changed.  Even though I
missed Ben more than ever, school and grades came first.  We
still met a few times a month, usually on a Friday or Saturday
night but never all night.  When his friends came through, it was
the same.

Our relationship kept up until I graduated from high school and I
moved in with some girlfriends for the last free summer home.  I
roomed with two of my girlfriends from high school, Marge and
Alice.  Alice's parents had a rental they were letting us live in
for free.  Well almost free.  We promised to paint it and pay all
utilities which we did.  This was a trial run in independence we
had convinced our parents on.  You know, to see how well we would
do before we left for school.  Uninhibited now, free from my
parents, I spent most of my time with Ben in his bed but still
not letting anyone see us in public.  I still didn't want anyone
to know.  His friends no longer came by.  I was glad for that. 
It had been hard keeping that a secret.

When I left for college, he made sure I got a job with one of the
stores in the grocery chain, one that was part of his
responsibility to purchase for.  We met several times a month
throughout the time I was in school.  I looked forward to the
meetings.  They were secret and no one ever found out.

That first year in collage I found out he was married.  I found
his wallet lying on the floor of the motel room one morning after
he left.  I looked through it and found a picture of him with a
woman and three children.   Somewhat jealous, I confronted him
with it and he confessed.  We talked our way through that.  I
realized we would never be a couple, my parents would not approve
nor that matter the rest of my family.  We had to be what we
were, me his mistress and he my lover.  That was ok with me as
long as I had him.   When I was out of school during the summers,
we continued what we had.  I went back to working in the store in
my home town and we kept meeting in what I considered our house.
 I had moved into it and told my parents I was renting it.

After I graduated, I moved to the town where he and his family
lived in order to be closer to him and got a job with the firm I
now work for.  I bought a small place outside of town along a
quiet country road where I could run peacefully in the fresh air.
 It is a very private piece of property and he met me there
whenever he could get away.   I live far enough from my family
that they usually call before coming to visit.

Although I have been with other men since Ben, I have always
chosen carefully whom I let cum inside me.  I always make sure I
have protected sex with those I don't know well.    Ben however,
I always let take me freely.  Our love making just wasn't the
same, so satisfying if I could not feel him release into me and
fill me.  The arrangement suited my needs.  It was so erotic, the
contrast of his smooth dark skin against my whiteness.

 I was saddened when our relationship finally ended but I guess
it was time for me to move on.