Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 WHY ME?

   "Come on Rick, all you have to do is ask.  The worst that can happen is
that she'll say no.  You can't dance if you don't ask."

   "Sure Tom, that's why three girls have come up and asked you to dance.
Have you ever been told no?"

   "Sure I have, at least I think I have."

   "If you had, you'd know it asshole.  Go ahead and have fun, I'll get
around to asking later, when some of the girls start getting desperate."

   Of course I didn't.  I watched for a few songs, then I went out for a
smoke, went back in for part of a song, then left.  Tom was wrong; there
are worse things than being told no.  The last time I asked a girl to dance
she laughed at me, then she told all the other girls around her about it
and they laughed too.  I didn't ask anymore.  I probably never would again.


   While I was still at the dance I noticed something odd.  Lena Stills
didn't dance with anyone.  This made no sense to me.  Lena was a knockout.
I had had a crush on her since 4th grade when I moved near the neighborhood
she lived in.  I used to hide in the bushes across the street from her
house and watch her walk around at night.  She wore baby doll pajamas to
bed.  I had seen them many times when she would sit in the front room of
her house watching TV before bedtime.  I was never able to see into her
room to watch her change, but I sure wished that I could.  I didn't
understand why no one asked her to dance.  There was no way she would
refuse everyone.  If she didn't want to dance, then why was she here?

   I went home to my room and brooded.  What was I going to do?  I was 17
and a senior and I had no girlfriend and little prospect of getting one.  I
had a car, not a pretty muscle car but a '76 Mercury Monarch sedan.  I
would love to have a Camaro or Mustang, but my folks were not rich and I
had to buy something I could afford by working at McDonalds.  My dad
refused to let me go into debt for a car, which also kept my insurance down
to something I could afford.  The Merc was a nice enough car, though bland,
and I had gotten it cheap because it needed a muffler and water pump.  Dad
helped me with those, and the several other repairs needed later.

   The dance I had gone home from was a holiday bash before Christmas.  I
had to prepare to leave as my family was going to Valparaiso to spend the
week with mom's sister's family.  Aunt Jean and Uncle Jason Turner switched
years with us.  We used to go to Grandma's for the holidays but when she
died a few years ago this situation had developed.  It was only about an
hour drive to see them, but somehow it rarely happened.  I liked Aunt Jean
and her family, especially my cousin Diane.  She was the same age I was and
had always been a good friend.

   This year mom and Jean were determined that I learn to dance.  I was to
find out why that spring, but for now I had to endure the lessons; first
with mom and her sister, then the final with Diane.  That part I didn't
mind at all.  Diane was a little overweight, chunky I would say, but she
sure felt good in my arms and against my body.

   Back at school for the last half of the year I got my new schedule.  I
saw that for Chem this year I would have a lab.  Mr.  Smith said that we
would be paired up for the class with the person standing beside us.  I
looked to my right and saw Susie Slidowski.  Oh great, Susie Sideways. 
Everyone called her that because she was so shy she never looked at anyone
face on, always from the side; as she was looking at me now.  Mr.  Smith
told us to take a moment to introduce ourselves so I took the first step,
"Hello Susie, or would you prefer Sue, or Susan..." When she didn't respond
I continued, "or Susanna, Polyanna, Amanda, Britana, Beauty, stop me when
you hear something you like."

   "Susan!!" She burst out with.  "And you are Ricky McReady."

   She dropped her head to look at the bench in front of us.  Her voice was
quiet, and throaty, what is called a bedroom voice.  Oh boy, I would have
to get her to talk a lot.  I heard nothing else from her that day as Mr. 
Smith gave us instructions on how we were to conduct ourselves and what
would be expected of us for this course.

   The rest of my course load was not much as I had most of the credits
needed for graduation.  English lit.  and computer science were my only
other requirements.  I was due to start a couple of classes in business
management at Harrison College in the afternoons next week.  The credits
would transfer to college and give me a leg up.  I had applied to a few
colleges but had heard nothing from them yet.  My problem was that without
some kind of scholarship I had little hope of attending full time anywhere.


   Getting Susie, I mean Susan, to talk was a monumental task.  Nothing I
tried ever got more that two monosyllables in response.  I determined to
make her laugh instead.  My first success came a week later, by accident;
literally.  We had had a normal Indiana snow storm on Monday and someone
had left their wet boots at the end of our lab table and I was running a
little late.  As I rounded the end of the table my left foot hit the puddle
and went out, dropping me onto my butt with my legs spread wide, so wide
that my pants split in the crotch.  ZIP-BUMP-RIP-OWWW.  As I sat there with
a stunned look on my face Susan stared at me for a moment, then burst out
laughing.  Most of the rest of the class joined her as I slowly tried to
get to my feet.  Unfortunately the slapstick was not done yet.  My right
foot hit the puddle as I was standing up and it dropped to the knee,
causing my chin to encounter the lab bench popping me onto my back with my
head ringing and my right foot curled under my back, ripping the knee of my
pants; wrong day to wear old jeans to school.  As I lay there woozy as hell
the whole class broke up.  The last thing I saw before I passed out was
Susan's whole face, looking at me with concern.  God she was beautiful.

   I woke up in the nurse's office and was told that my school day was
over. My mom was on her way to pick me up.  The whole night I couldn't get
the image of Susan's face out of my mind.

   Dad and a friend of his had gone and gotten my car from the school
parking lot.  If they hadn't it probably wouldn't have started.  I had to
plug it in to a heater (light bulb under the hood) every night in the
winter if it was going to start.  At school the next day people kept
looking at me and giggling most of the morning.  By the time I walked into
chem.  It was getting very old.  The giggles continued as I walked into the
room, looking for puddles, and put my stuff under the bench to prepare for
class.  The shocker though was Susan; she was standing at her place crying.


   "I'm sorry Ricky, instead of helping you up I stood here and laughed at
you.  You wouldn't have been hurt if I had helped.  Please forgive me, it
won't happen again."

   "I sure hope not Susan; I don't think I could survive another round. 
Don't feel bad though, it was funny and I have been trying to get you to
laugh.  I just didn't realize that success would hurt so much is all. 
Besides, you stopped laughing when I got hurt, I saw you before I passed
out.  I'd do it all again to get that kind of look from you."

   Again I saw her complete face as she gave me a deer in the headlights
look.

   "Are you good to go today Mr.  McReady?" Mr.  Smith asked, interrupting
us.

   "Yes sir, I'm sorry for disrupting class yesterday."

   "It was not your fault young man.  Miss Stills has something to say to
you though."

   I looked over to my right and Lena Stills said, "I apologize for leaving
my boots in the way Ricky.  I'm sorry that you got hurt by my sloppiness."

   After seeing Susan's face, Lena did not awe me as much.  "That's all
right Lena, I shouldn't have been in such a rush.  No lasting harm done."

   That ended the conversations and class got underway.  Susan kept
glancing at me with one eye all the way through class though.  I still
couldn't get her to say much, but at least she was paying attention to me
now.

   This continued through Thursday and Friday, then as we were leaving
class on Friday Susan grabbed my sleeve and pulled me to the side of the
hall out of traffic.

   "I see that you leave every day at noon, where do you go?"

   Oh Ho, she was watching me; this could only be good.  "I have afternoon
classes at Harrison four days a week.  If I didn't do that I'd have to take
useless courses here.  The state requires us to have a minimum number of
class hours so I couldn't just go home.  Why do you ask?"

   "I tried to find you at lunch and you were gone.  I wanted to talk to
you."

   Hot damn, she could say more than two words; and she wanted to talk to
me.  Things kept looking up.  "My class doesn't start for an hour, so if
you would like we could talk now.  Come on, I'll buy you lunch, or as close
as the cafeteria can come to it."

   She nodded and took off down the hall.  It was amazing how she
maneuvered her way through the crowds.  She slid between groups and around
individuals without a stumble or pause.  Trying to keep up with her I
caused more that a few curses to follow me down the hall from the
obstructions I was unable to avoid.

   In the cafeteria Susan said not a word as we loaded our trays.  Today's
best choice was vegetarian chili.  Not the most appetizing thing you've
ever had, but better than the alternatives.

   Susan put her tray on a table in the corner and proceeded to set up her
place with determination.  She placed each item in just the right spot and
never looked at me once the whole time.  I guess that she was nervous.

   Finally she was ready and sat across from me.

   "You said that you wanted to talk to me Susan?"

   Keeping her head down she asked, "You were trying to get me to laugh?"

   "Yes, I was, but the fall was not planned or intentional.  I was
actually hoping to get some kind of reaction from you, any kind at all."

   "Why?"

   "Because your voice is enticing and I wanted to hear it more.  I wanted
to see your face without your hair in the way and I hoped that we could be
friends.  I don't see you with anyone in particular and I don't have many
friends either."

   "Okay."

   That's all she said, but then she looked up at me and smiled.  I thought
my heart was going to stop.  Susan had big brown eyes above a button nose
and a small mouth.  Her face was heart shaped with a broad forehead and a
small chin; almost elfin.

   Thus began the seduction of Susan.  After that we had lunch together
every day and talked about multiple subjects.  I found her to be a constant
surprise with her interests and capabilities.  As she opened up to me I
also tried to steer her toward my goal.  When I asked her about her
clothes, she always wore loose clothing, Susan said that her father bought
her clothes.  I had already learned that her mother had left when she was
young and her father was clueless as to how to raise a girl.  She said that
the kids in grade school had made fun of her and so she withdrew.  I was
the first friend she had had at school.  She was also the only friend I had
now too.  Tom had graduated midterm and gone to junior college in
Champaign-Urbana.

   It took till March before I was able to get up the courage to ask Susan
for a date; and when I did I made the biggest mistake of my life.  I took
her to a basketball game and the after game dance.  When I asked her, I
didn't make it sound like a date.  I said that I was going to the game and
asked if she would like to go along.  This gave her the out of thinking
that we were just going as friends, so if she didn't want to, she wouldn't
be turning me down.  I outfoxed myself, because this made it so that she
felt no obligation to stay with me.  I had done too good of a job of
opening her up.  She was dressed very nicely in a short skirt and blouse
and she had had a friend at church do her hair up.  Susan looked fantastic.
I was not the only one to notice that.

   Lena Stills came over to where I was watching Susan dance with Lena's
lab partner, John Wesley, the star forward of the basketball team.

   "It looks like your date has abandoned you Ricky."

   "She's not my date Lena, she is just a friend."

   "Too bad, I thought that you were finally going to get a chance to dance
at one of these things."

   "Me?  What about you?  I never see you dance either.  Why do you even
come to them?"

   "Probably for the same reason you do Ricky, I keep hoping that someone
worthwhile will want to dance with me."

   "Oh come on now.  You are one of the most beautiful girls in school. 
Every guy wants to dance with you."

   "It's kind of hard to tell when the guys who ask are asses Ricky.  Why
don't you ever dance?"

   "Because no one wants to Lena.  Every time I asked I got turned down,
Julie Parker even laughed at me.  I was hoping that Susan would want to be
with me."

   "You got her all ready to pop and some other rooster raided your hen
house.  Is that the way it is?"

   "Unfortunately, yes.  Now I'm alone again."

   "Well I'm alone too.  When you said that most guys would want to dance
with me, does that include you; and if it does, why didn't you ever ask
me?"

   "Of course it does; I just never thought that you would say yes."

   "That just goes to show how wrong you have been all along, now let's
dance."

   A little later Susan came over to me and said that John was going to
take her home, so I didn't have to wait.  Wesley smirked at me from behind
her and reached around to pinch a nipple where I could see it.  Susan
slapped his hand, then turned around and walked away with him.  Thus ended
my brief interlude of happiness in high school.

   Lena wanted to dance some more, but I couldn't do it.  I went home and
actually cried myself to sleep like a little boy.

   Monday I asked Mr.  Smith for a new lab partner.  He said I didn't need
to as he was going to switch them up today anyway.  Susan had just enough
time to tell me that John had asked her to go steady before Mr.  Smith
announced the changeover of lab partners.  My new partner was Joanne
Simmons; a chubby little girl with the brains of a cauliflower.  I had all
I could do to pass the course after that.  As class was letting out I tried
to escape, but Susan caught me and said that she wouldn't be able to have
lunch with me anymore, John might get jealous.  I told her that was fine,
my classes at Harrison were moved earlier and I couldn't stay anyway.

   Lena stopped me on the way out and said that she was sorry, I deserved
better treatment than that.

   "It's okay Lena, I made the mistake of trusting a woman, that's all.  It
won't happen again."

   All I saw of Susan after that was when she walked into class.  One day
she stepped in walking kind of funny.  I figured that I knew what had
happened, but I ignored it as best I could.  I did sabotage Wesley's Bunsen
burner after I saw him high-fiving a couple of his buddies though.

   Lena seemed to want to stay connected in some way, but I mostly blew her
off.

   When prom night began to loom I discovered why mom and Aunt Jean had
insisted on the dancing classes.  When she asked me if I was going to the
prom and I said no, she disagreed.  "Yes you are too going Ricky.  You are
taking your cousin Diane.  No one has asked her to go so you will.  Her
prom is the week before yours so you can go to both."

   I tried to talk her out of it, but I might as well have saved my breath.


   "You have to go up there and ask her this weekend Ricky, before someone
else beats you to it."

   No protest got through to her so the next Friday night I was in
Valparaiso at my Aunt and Uncle's house.

   Diane was sitting in the living room as her mother led me in.

   "Hello Ricky, what are you doing here?"

   "I need to talk to you Diane, would you step outside with me please?"

   "Sure Ricky."

   When we got on the porch I sat in the big swing and motioned her to sit
beside me.  After she sat I took her hand.

   "Our mothers seem to have a plan for us cuz.  Mom insisted that I come
here tonight and ask you to the prom.  Do you have any idea why they would
want to do this?"

   "Damn, I was afraid of this.  I told mom that I wasn't going to the prom
and she freaked.  She couldn't understand why I wasn't going.  I tried to
tell her that it meant nothing to me, but she wouldn't listen."

   "I told my mom the same thing, but she wouldn't listen either.  The last
thing I want to do is to go to the prom, anything you can do to keep it
from happening would be appreciated Diane."

   "From the way she reacted, I don' think mom is going to let me get out
of it Ricky.  We'll just have to put up with their nonsense.  Look, to them
it was a big deal.  Everyone had to go to the prom.  They just don't
understand that it isn't that way anymore.  I have very good reasons to
want to stay away from that event, and she'll never listen to them."

   "I know, if I have to go to mine I'll probably get in a fight.  I can't
see them together and stay calm."

   "See who together, what are you talking about Ricky?"

   So I told her all about Susan, and how John had taken her away from me.
I even told her about when I think he took her cherry.

   "I'll bet the asshole coerced her and then hurt her too.  There's always
an after prom party at the lake and most girls who go get fucked.  They'll
probably be there.  I really can't stand the thought of that."

   "Maybe if she sees you with me she'll realize what she let go."

   "No, I doubt it.  She got the popular guy, I don't matter to her.  Hell,
I don't matter to anyone, there is no reason to keep trying this shit,
don't worry Diane.  I'm not going, I'll take you to yours if you want, but
I'm not going to mine.  I'll leave town first."

   "Don't be that way Ricky, you are too nice of a guy to get dumped on
like that.  You need to put it behind you and move on.  There are other
girls who would love to be with you, girls like me."

   "Thanks for trying cuz, but I know how homely and useless I am.  Most
girls laugh when I go by, and it's not because I told a joke.  Face it, I
suck."

   "Ricky Nelson McReady, (My mom fell in love with this teenage singer and
since dad was out of the country when I was born, she got to name me.  I
hate the name and once I go to college I'll go by R.  Nelson McReady, call
me Nelson.) you stop that.  You are the nicest guy I know and you are not
homely.  You may not be John Saxon, but you are not bad looking.  There are
guys that look a lot worse than you getting laid regularly at my school. 
You just need to try."

   "I did try Diane, and I got slapped down every time.  I quit, I don't
trust women anymore and I don't want anything to do with them."

   "Tell you what Ricky.  We'll go to my prom, and if you have a good time,
we'll do yours.  Give me a chance and you might get lucky."

   "No way, I said I would take you to yours, but it ends there."

   "We'll see Ricky, we'll see.  My prom is a week before yours so we don't
have much time."

   She needn't have worried.  Our moms had everything under control.  I had
an appointment for a fitting at the tux rental place and Diane was supposed
to go get her dress Monday night; and mom had even reserved flowers.  I
still didn't want to do this, but mom ignored all of my objections.

   I picked Diane up at her house and had to put up with the pictures and
such.  Dad had me drive his Chrysler so we would look better arriving at
the prom.  The dance was being held at the Valparaiso Ramada Inn and there
was a formal dinner first.  I couldn't understand some of the looks I was
getting from the kids there but I just shrugged them off as being jealous
that a nothing like me had snared a date with a girl as pretty as Diane.

   Diane did very little talking to her classmates, other than introducing
me.  She did not tell them that I was her cousin, probably embarrassed.

   After dinner we went in and danced a few times.  When I went to get some
drinks at the punch bowl there were a couple of guys there talking.

   "Damn bud, talk about a sure thing.  Wish I had the guts to take
roundheels Turner out in public.  You are definitely going to get lucky
tonight."

   "What the fuck are you talking about?  Diane is my cousin, my mom made
me bring her."

   "That shouldn't matter to her buddy, go ahead and get your dick wet, we
all have."

   I was so pissed I almost didn't bring the drinks back.

   "Drink up Diane, we are leaving.  If I stay I'll probably get in
trouble."

   "Those guys told you about me huh?  Let's step outside for a minute and
I'll tell you all about it Ricky."

   I followed my cousin out onto the balcony and we stopped in a far
corner.

   "There is no sense in hiding it Ricky, I'm the school slut.  I've
probably fucked over half of the male student body and several of the
teachers.  If you don't want to be seen with me now, I can understand. 
That's why I didn't have a date, no one wants to be seen with the cum
dumpster."

   "It's not that Diane, I just want to slap those silly smiles off of
their faces.  I've always liked you a lot and I can see no reason to change
that at this late date.  Why do you do it though?  I can't imagine that the
sex could be that good with the normal high school boy."

   "You're right about that, if I get one orgasm to 5 guys it has been a
good week.  The teachers are a lot better, but they are also a lot more
warped.  I do it because I love sex and I don't want to get tied down to
someone from this hick burg.  I have plans and marriage has no place in
them.  Do you want to sample the goods before we go home?  I think that is
why mom was so adamant that you take me, Your mom has been telling her
about your troubles with women and I think she wants me to give you some
help."

   "Aunt Jean knows about you?"

   "Yeah, she does.  She doesn't like it, but she does know."

   "You might tell me some things to make a girl feel good when I finally
find one, but I'll pass on the sample.  You have always been special to me
and I don't want you to remember me as just another lay."

   "You don't hate me because of all the other guys?"

   "No, I don't.  I may have trouble looking at you for a while till I get
used to it, but I don't hate you.  Do you want to go back in for a few more
dances just to show them up, or go ahead and go home?"

   "Let's go home Ricky, I didn't want to be here anyway."

   When we got to her house Aunt Jean wouldn't let me leave.  She insisted
on a play-by-play of the night and wanted to know why we were back so soon.

   "Some of the guys clued Ricky who he was dancing with so we had to leave
mom.  I don't know what the hell you and your sister had in mind for this
damn night, but all you did is make my best friend ashamed of me.  Thank
you very fucking much mom."

   With that Diane ran up to her room and Jean looked at me with a shocked
expression.

   "I am not ashamed of her Aunt Jean, but I don't know why you wanted to
put her through this.  You knew why she didn't want to go and made her do
it anyway.  I am very upset with you and mom right now so I had better
leave before I say something I will regret."

   I don't even remember the drive home.  I parked dad's car in the garage
and slipped through the back door, dropped dad's keys on the kitchen table,
and went to my room without seeing my parents.

   I slept in the next day as I did not need to be at work till late.  When
I went out to the kitchen for food mom was sitting at the table.  I didn't
say a word to her, I got a cup of coffee and a donut and sat at the table
across from her.

   "Jean called me and we talked most of the night Ricky.  I'm sorry that
the dance didn't go well for you, but I'm sure that you can see why we
wanted you to go."

   "No mom, I can't.  I didn't know about Diane, but you and Jean did, and
you made her humiliate herself anyway.  She thinks you wanted her to screw
me.  I hope that you had more sense than that.  I would never treat her the
way those other men do.  I love my cousin and would not do that to her. 
Now this damn prom bullshit is over with and I am going to return the tux
Monday."

   "No Ricky, you can't do that.  You still have to go to your prom.  Diane
is willing to if you are."

   "No way.  I didn't want to go to start with and this just makes it more
so.  I can't even look at Diane now, in my mind I keep seeing her with
those guys at the prom and I will need some time to get over it."

   "If you don't she will think that you are ashamed of her and don't want
to be seen with her.  We made a mistake, but you have to fix it.  Jean has
been crying all night after what you said to her."

   My mom has always been able to get me to do what she wants.  I can
argue, but she always wins.  That is probably one reason I have so much
trouble with girls, I defer to them as I have been trained to do and they
see that as weak.

   The upshot was that after a truly horrendous week at school, Diane and I
were again en-route to a formal dinner and dance.  At least this time I was
driving my own car and as we pulled up in front of the school, I chickened
out.  I could not go through with it.

   "I'm sorry Diane, but I can't do this.  These people have been ignoring
me and putting me down for years.  I don't want to see them all putting on
airs and trying to be cool like the kids did at your school.  Would you be
upset if we just went somewhere to kill time till we can go home?"

   "Not at all Ricky, I was never a fan of this thing anyway.  What do you
have in mind?"

   We discussed our options as I drove away and ended up at Pizza Hut for
dinner and then I had the bright idea of going skating.

   Diane had a blast.  She was better than I was on skates of course, but
the real thrill was our being there in our fancy gown and tux rolling
around the rink.  Some of the looks we got were priceless.

   We took a break after a few songs and as we were resting I heard an
unexpected voice behind me.

   "What in the hell are you doing here Ricky?"

   "What does it look like Lena?  Isn't this where the prom is this year?"

   "Funny Ricky.  Aren't you going to introduce me?"

   "Lena, this is my cousin Diane Turner from Valparaiso.  Diane, this is
Lena Stills, an acquaintance from school.  What are you doing here Lena?  I
was sure that you would be at the dance."

   "Nobody I want to go with asked me Ricky.  You are obviously dressed for
the dance, so I ask again, why aren't you there?"

   "I just didn't want to go Lena.  I have no wish to see what would be
going on there.  This is much more fun."

   "You have got to get over her Ricky.  The way Susan dumped you for the
first jock that came along she doesn't deserve your devotion.  I admit that
this is probably more fun, but you should have been there."

   Lena ended up spending the rest of the evening with us.  I even danced
with her a few times at Diane's insistence.  We had a good time and the
conversations were fun.  Diane told us of her plan to get a degree in
sociology and possibly teach.  Lena was going to Purdue for engineering of
all things.  When they asked me about the future I told them that I was
going to enlist for four years so that I would have enough money to go to
school for computer science.  I would try for the Air Force, but the Navy
would be good enough if that was all that was available.  Dad had told me
that college classes were available cheap on most duty stations and I could
get a step ahead that way.  The new GI bill had you saving money in a
special account and after you were released from service the government
would match your funds for schooling.  This was the only way I would be
able to afford college.

   About midnight I decided that we could go home and we wrapped it up. 
Lena accompanied us to the parking lot and wished us well.  Diane and I
talked a bit more on the way home.

   "Why haven't you asked her out Ricky?"

   "Lena is way out of my league Diane.  She is one of the prettiest girls
at school.  There is no way she would date me."

   "You are wrong there cuz, that girl has the hots for you, I can tell. 
She practically told you that if you had asked her to the prom she would
have said yes."

   "Now you are making shit up Diane.  You can have my bed tonight and get
the rest you most obviously need."

   We got home and our moms went ballistic.  They had gone to the prom to
get pictures of us dancing, and found out that we weren't there.  We told
them what we had done.

   "Ricky Nelson McReady.  How could you do this?  This was supposed to be
your night; you would remember this for the rest of your life."

   "Only in my nightmares mom, I don't know how you could think that I
would like seeing Susan being manhandled around the floor by her asshole
boyfriend.  Diane and I had a lot more fun this way.  If that is too hard
for you to understand, then that is too bad.  Deal with it mom.  I'm moving
out soon and you won't have to be disappointed with me anymore."

   I ran to my room, changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, threw the
tux into the hall, grabbed a blanket, and went down to sleep on the couch.

   Mom kept trying to talk to me but I pulled a pillow over my head and
shut her out.  I was keyed up like an over tightened spring and I was
afraid of what I would do if it broke.  I cannot remember ever being this
angry, especially with my mother.  Finally everyone went to bed and left me
with my thoughts.  Sleep overcame me at some point, but before it did I
realized that I would be seeing the recruiters at the first opportunity.