THE TELEMARKETER
by
RICK JORDAN
"Hello?"
"Mr. Jordan? I'm Cindy Baker from American Surveys."
"Hey, baby. What are you wearing?"
"What!?"
"I said, what are you wearing?"
[Click]
Works every time. It's getting impossible to sit down to dinner without.Shit!"
"Hello."
"I should report you. I didn't call to get an obscene phone call."
"And I didn't answer to get a sales pitch. We're even."
 [Click]
I should just let it ring.no, I can't.
"Hello."
"Who do you think you are? This job is tough enough."
"Get another job that doesn't involve interrupting my dinner. Are you wearing a 
bra?"
"You're a jerk!"
[Click]
Maybe she's right. But right now, I'm just hungry.not again.
"Hello."
"I just think you could be more courteous."
"OK. PLEASE tell me what color your panties are."
"Damn you!"
[Click]
I probably ought to go out to dinner.here we go again.
"Hello."
"They're blue."
"What?"
"My panties.they're blue."

[Click]

Uh oh.didn't expect that.

"Hello?"

"Uh.it's me, Cindy. I don't know what to say or what to do."

"What do you mean?"

I mean I never had an obscene phone call before."

"Oh.so I never made one, but let's try. What are you wearing today?"

"OK, I'm wearing pink. Pink panties and a matching bra."

"That's promising. Uh.why don't you trace the bra with your fingers and 
describe what you find."

"OK.no, I can't do this."

[Click]

What the hell. At least she's not trying to sell me something

"Hello?"

"I'm wearing a pink bra. It hooks in the front. I'll unhook it. My breasts fall a 
little to the side. When I look down, I can see my nipples peaking out.

"Jesus, Cindy.that was."

"Was that OK? OH God, now I'm embarrassed."

[Click]

"Hello?"

"I was too embarrassed to go on."

"That's OK. It was great. What are you wearing tonight?"

"Red panties. And heels."

"That's all?"

"And a smile."

"Me too. Big smile."

"I bought the panties for you. They're cut high on the sides and very sheer. I can 
see my dark hair through them."

"More."

"When I touch myself, it's like I'm not wearing anything.

"Oh God."

"They're very damp now.soaked actually. I wish you could see how excited I 
am.maybe later."

[Click]

NO WAIT! Damn.  

"Hello. Wait for the beep. You know the drill."

"It's me, Cindy. I was going to do more for you. Where are you? Call me."

[Click]

Rats! I missed her and I don't have her number. Oh well. She's into this now. 
She'll call back.

"Hello?

"I called earlier. Where were you?"

"I went out to dinner."

"Really? You never take me anywhere."

"We've never met. We've only had a little phone sex."

"I knew it. You're just interested in the sex."

[Click]

"Hello?"

"I thought you'd be out again."

 "Look.don't call me anymore. It was fun. Now it's not."

"You're still very rude. It's no wonder you're alone."

"I'm not alone. I have a girlfriend."

"I knew you were cheating on me. It's just like you."

"I'm not cheating on you. I don't even know you."

"Don't call me ever again."

"I don't have your number!"

"You have an answer for everything."

[Click]

That's the last time I date a telemarketer. Jesus, now she has me doing it. 

"Pacific Bell, this is Arlene. May I help you?"

"Yes, I need to change my telephone number.

"I can help you with that."

It took minutes to fix a weird week. 

"Anything else I can do for you, Mr. Jordan?"

"Yeah, I was wondering what color.uh.never mind.thanks."

[Click]



THE END