Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Not sure if this is going to another somewhat open letter to someone, maybe
just me, or a blog to post so if and when people read and comment if might
help understanding.

   Rhon informed me of something that is going to happen last night soon.
Guess thinking about it, Rhon was considerate, a consideration he didn't
have to show.  If he hadn't I would have been surprised but not mad, it is
something that is his to decide and do.

   If this is posted I should remind any readers that Rhon is my...well
this is embarrassing...certainly a highly significant other but not sure if
I can say boy or girl friend.  Physically/biologically she is
female.....Emotionally HE is male.

   For me it is the HE I care about most, probably because I know it the he
that cares the most for ronni.  Ronni?, well that is feminine me.

   Well, the announcement was the biological woman has decided to take a
male lover...yes I am male, but when we are together I am virtually 100% of
the time dressed as a woman, HIS woman.

   Today we were talking and in the past year we have actually had sex,
about 6 times when I am the male and yet we are sexual every time we are by
ourselves.  Then if a one week during the summer is removed it is down to
just 3 no more 4 times.  So when she said she had to do this because her
physical needs have to be met, it didn't surprise me much.

   There are reasons for this some are physical, my difficulties of getting
and staying erect is one, but we have pills for that.  She has them and
only once has she told the male me here take this.  Another reason is not
seeing each other very often in a place where sex is possible, but the
biggest reason is most of the time it is Rhon the HE and not her that is
with me.

   The male in me was shocked when she told me of her decision and that she
has already met someone who can be sexual with her, but not be emotional
with.  Yet in the hours since then I have come to realize that deep down
this is something I was expecting.  I have known for a long time her she
has been dissatisfied.  I was told point blank by Rhon the he no longer
sees me as anything but his girl friend someone he would love to live with
as male/dominant and woman/submissive a BDSM sexually reversed husband/wife
.

   The gut level feeling that happened in me is like losing an old friend,
or not realizing how much something means until it is taken away from me.

   While Rhon did not say it for a fact as I am writing this I believe the
intent was there would no longer even be an effort to have sex in a
traditional manner........no longer would it even be tolerated or allowed
if it is me that wants it.  *Since writing the above passage I have een
told there is a 'chance' we will still have intercourse in the traditional
man/woman fashion,"once in a Blue Moon".

   However, it means more than just having sexual intercourse with her.  HE
does not want me to cum as a man either in any way.  While I have not been
told this it has been at least 3 months since I came as of writing this. 
That happened one day when Rhon was playing with me using dildos and
inserting several items into my 'clitoris'.  Suddenly he became she and she
masturbated me to completion.

   My guts are telling me if she is being sexually satisfied by someone
else, there will not be the motivation or enjoyment or doing it for me.

   Obviously, at least to me for a casual reader, the nest question is do I
cum at all, EVER?  The answer would probably be in the recent past ONE more
time than the number of times we had intercourse.  In the future, I would
expect to be considerable less that that.  So if in the past 12 to 15
months it was 7, then in the next 12 to 15 months my expectation is going
to be 1 to 3.  Why list any at all?, am I going to cheat on my promise to
abstain except for him?  NO, but in the past few hours I was told cumming
and 'maybe' even intercourse MIGHT happen about every Blue Moon.  That Blue
Moon keeps coming back, unfortunately real Blue Moons occur about once
every 2 - 3 years.

   Not sure how to handle that news.  Happy, because it is not gone
forever? Sad, that Blue Moons only come around every few years?  Sad,
because a portion of my basic identity from the time I was a teenager is
leaving?  Accepting, because so long as Rhon continues to care of me as he
has taken care of me emotionally and physically so the last year has been
great.

   The fem side of her is planning on meeting her new masculine friend for
sex just before our next planned weekend.  This is being done on purpose so
she can come in and offer ronni her newly filled pussy.  Along the way she
will stop for a drink so that there will also be a filled bladder for ronni
to drink.

   When I sit here and think of these things and how far things have
changed it bothers me.  YET!, when ronni thinks of these things she is
filled with love, desire and satisfaction that Rhon is so happy with his
life in comparison of where he was the 3 plus years ago when they met. 
Ronni is also happy that Rhon's feminine side is finally going to be able
to have a real man to fill her physical needs.  Something inside me keeps
saying this is wrong, but I can't see where that is.

   I also know that Rhon lives a lonely life at times because we only can
get together once a week and most of those times are just a breakfast or
lunch.  Finding someone for the 'her' side to visit with, be friends with
and be sexual with is good.  My feelings are a little hurt, but not mad. 
They are hurt because I am not able to fulfill all these roles, despite
knowing it would be impossible.  Even if we DID live together as 'man/wife'
within bdsm I would still not be able to fully satisfy.

   Rhon also has let slip that he may have found a real life man for ronni
when he is there to supervise what they do.  Ronni is not sure how she
feels about this.  She is concerned, but what bothers her more than
anything is that Rhon will be disappointed in her performance and ability
to satisfy Rhon's friend.  I am suspicious but I think Rhon would like it
if his new friend met with ronni regularly in order to teach her how to
please and respond to men.  But, then again ronni tends to get ahead of
herself and be wrong many of the times.

   If you notice I am constantly referring to ronni in the 3rd person as if
she is someone else, a friend maybe.  I am aware of this but I believe it
is not a habit, but a state of mind.  She is there and I know it, but am
not ready to completely embrace who she is and she means to me.  However,
if I am dressed in ronni's clothes my voice without thinking about it
changes.  Rhon has said my facial expressions and body language changes.  I
am aware that my tone and expressions when writing are different and I use
the personal pronoun 'I', instead of he 3rd person.

   Lastly ,for now, I want to think through another comment Rhon made to
ronni recently and this is how over the past few months has moved out of
this being an elaborate game we are playing and into it being for real.  He
imagines with very real ideas how one day he hopes we can live together as
a sort of man and wife.  The real reason Rhon allowed his feminine side to
take a lover was because it has become impossible to view me as anything
except his girl friend.  Rhon's fem biological side needed some relief and
'she' could no longer put it off and no longer see me as suitable sex
partner.  I believe the exact words were several months ago I lead the
relationship into a 'left' turn and once we when that way before long you
were going to be ronni totally in my image of you.  I kept waiting for
things to change, but they aren't going to change and by that I mean go
back to the way they were.  Ronni is who you are and who I want you to be.
I just needed time to think and adjust before looking for a man to satisfy
me.

   Yes, in some ways that was difficult to hear, but again as I discussed
awhile back it is only receiving news about something you already knew was
going to happen.

   The rest is just my 'guessing' about some of the things that might
happen next.  First is the 'new' boyfriend.  SHE is going to bring ronni a
full load for her to clean up whenever possible.  I find this cute in some
ways, disgusting in others and almost romantic also in wanting to 'share'.
Ronni has also been told that some Saturdays when they get together for
breakfast or lunch to expect something else first.

   I think because Rhon is spreading his control, call it ownership of
ronni there are going to be some physical changes or modifications made
sometime in the future.  Ronni has pledged chastity, but I get the feeling
Rhon is not as concerned with ronni learning to take care of men and
possible even learning to like it.  It does feel that he wants to make sure
ronni is not tempted nor are any of the men tempted and so a chastity
arrangement has to implemented that is not voluntary.  Plus lets admit it,
for Rhon an enforced chastity on ronni is another big power kick.  The
problem might have been settled awhile back when a CB3000 was bought, but
it caused pinching and rubbed sores.  Some pain is expected especially when
to stop an erection, but this was all the time resulting in sores
developing.  This made it unacceptable.  Rhon's idea is one he read about
awhile back.  It means putting what I think is called a Prince Albert
piercing in the end of the clitoris, which is what her refers to it as and
then his idea is to put another into the scrotum about ½ way down.  These 2
piercings and solid rings would then allow him to lock them together with a
small padlock.  I am not sure it will work, but the concept is that in
normal everyday living the cock/clitoris sits in that position.  By
padlocking it there, it require ronni sitting topee all the time and any
attempt by her or anyone else to play with it without permission would be
very unpleasant.  He sees this small body modification as not terribly
intrusive, except if ronni's family would see it in an emergency situation.

   A second smallish addition would be a tattoo.  If ronni is still living
with her family then it will be visible under ultraviolet light only.  If
or when ronni starts living with Rhon there will most likely be at least 2
tattoos, probably featuring something like a butterfly, or rose or
something else that would say feminine.

   A cheap addition I know Rhon will want is an earring piercing in both
ears, at least one for ronni to be able to wear the dangle earrings he
likes on ronni.

   The next addition to the body definitely would be something that if done
correctly would need to be redone every month or so.  This would be a
brand, probably on the ass and representing this belongs to me.

   Even though ronni wear a wig it might be that Rhon would want her hair
to grow longer.

   It came to the other day that if we were together and even if not rich,
but with some money a body modification Rhon would want is both of ronni's
breasts enhanced and if affordable thru implants.  Not huge, but about what
2 of the bra inserts would be.  It would take ronni from a small B to small
C.  Enough for Rhon to play with, but small enough to be hidden from family
members when visiting by using a sports bra.  Yes, this is sounding
ridiculous in some ways, but my imagination has never been beyond what Rhon
has already thought of usually in more detail and kinkier.  A ronni with
breasts and a clitoris/penis under control would be perfect.