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   A LOVELY MORNING

   Last Saturday I woke up with nothing particular on my mind much like any
other morning, Rhon my significant other was laying beside me, again like
every other morning.

   What made this a bit different though was as I was laying there going
through the normal natural routine I had probably done since early teen
years something stirred.  Much like it did years ago when as a teen I
became very aware of it and how it could react in the morning.  My hand
already rubbing various places to get woke up slipped and stayed a lot
lower.

   Now unlike most of my life this morning was a little unusual much more
unusual.  Before we started living together and even more so now, well to
be totally honest with myself, all the time now it doesn't act or much feel
like how it used to.  Hey, every morning my hands rub my face, neck,
shoulders, chest, belly and then between my legs.  As a teen and early
manhood sometimes it would be hard or get hard, not so unusual for any guy.
Not for me anymore!

   My life, if whoever reads this remembers from past writings, I now live
most of the time as Rhon's 'girlfriend', lover, significant other, or what
ever label you might prefer.  Ours is an unusual relationship because most
of my life I lived as a man, biologically I still am.  The stirring I felt
this particular day doesn't happen much.  Some of the man was still there
and letting itself be known.

   Hhmmm, did it feel good!  Good in a way that made me masculine and this
is a pretty fuzzy line right now.  My moving around brought Rhon fully
awake and 'he' knew some thing was different.

   One of things I enjoy most about our being together is how most mornings
'he' is in the mood for some body to body contact.  Most times it is just
that nothing more,especially on work days.  There was a kiss, with 'his'
tongue pushing and exploring my mouth, with a little suggestive tongue
fucking.  Then 'his' hand sneaked down to my genital area.  There was a
little touching and some pulling, then 'he' said, "My little boy seems to
have been remembering the old ways." Now this might not make a lot of
sense, but Rhon is actually a biological woman, but the dominant portion of
'his' personality is masculine.  Mine appears to be feminine, Rhon thinks
it is obvious, for me it is a daily struggle, but it is what 'he' wants and
I am very submissive.  The more Rhon pushes the more I change.

   Maybe I really am a woman and been hiding from it.  Most times it
doesn't feel like that.  Thing is that line is getting hazy and I"m not
always sure anymore.

   We used to have traditional male, female intercourse fairly regularly,
but that is pretty much past.

   "Seems like this boy has some energy this morning.  What do you think?"

   I could tell the 'little' boy was reacting and it felt incredible.

   "Oooh, I can feel it getting bigger.  Seems like my little ronni is
wanting to try being a man again.  What do you think?  Does she?"

   Now I didn't miss the "little" comment being used several times already,
plus the dig about my 'wanting' to TRY being a man again was just
insulting. Yea, I usually wore woman's clothing when home and I know it had
been a long time since we had intercourse.  To be totally honest it had
been months since I had even cum, least ways like a man would.  Usually
'he' can get me humping pretty good when the strap-on gets used.  BUT!, I'm
still a man underneath all that!!

   Rhon continued talking to me, but I was 100% aware the hand didn't stop
its movements.  "I was just thinking last night I was in the mood for some
real cock again, what's it been baby, since my last real fuck?  Maybe
2.....3 weeks?" "Hhhmmmm, there are days I just love the feel of a cock,
and this one is ......well let me say squishy, still long ways from
hard....Could be though."

   With that there was smile, maybe a lear and the hand kept on rolling and
moving it back and forth.

   Rhon may be saying squishy, but from where I was laying, it was lots
more than that.  It was now feeling hard, real hard.  Plus deep down I was
beginning to feel that familiar sense of something happening.  Every guy
knows that feeling.  It is when the juices start moving and you know it is
getting ready to do what nature says is one of it's 2 jobs.  (No, not pee)

   "Let me check just how my little friend is doing and with that the
covers were pulled back and 'he' sat on the bed sideways to the 'little'
friend.  "Would you believe it's gotten almost as long as my finger and
there are signs of some stiffness."

   Yea,well, I could tell even without looking there was more than just
stiffness happening.  SHE was going to get fucked today.  That hadn't been
my intention when I woke up, in fact if my own hand hadn't started playing
the feeling might not have been woken up at all.

   There are times I totally enjoy talking and visiting, but this wasn't
one of those, but it was hers.

   (Now if anyone reading noticed the pronoun had been male, he and was now
she,it's because virtually all the time I think of Rhon as HE.  But, a few
minutes ago the female part, even though small had taken hold of her and it
wasn't Rhon talking anymore.  It may sound silly, but I can tell by the
tone and body language.)

   "This is nice ronni, you laying here all worked up trying to get hard
and me playing with my little friend.  "The most fun is me watching you
trying to get it up enough to finish what you started."

   She smiled and started rocking like she was fucking.  "Wonder if this
little guy is going to be to handle getting into my pussy?  I can feel it
get wetter and wetter.  It's hot in there also, guys always say how much
they like the feel of a hot pussy when they push it in."

   Thing is by now I realized it had turned into a torment game and I could
feel the pressure to preform starting.  Any man in this position knows
putting pressure on them makes it hundreds of times harder to actually
succeed.

   My head was trying to figure out much harder it had to get and when I
tried to put hand over and feel how it was doing for myself, it was just
pushed away and all I got was a chuckle.

   "I was just thinking I should put in my calendar book the last time you
were able to cum and also the last time we had intercourse.  (HELL, who
said 'able' to cum.  I'd have been able to cum lots more with a little more
help and not teasing.) Her voice had changed again, from Rhon to her female
voice, now was the one I hated the most.  The Teaser, because that one was
also sadistic, make that a capital S.  This personality doesn't need an
excuse for pain play and when it plays the pain is greater and lasts
longer. Sometimes it goes to the Tormentor and then to Sadistic B, but we
don't want to say that, just in case.

   The internal pressure just shot way up.

   "What's it been baby?  (the sadistic personality loves using names like
that with more than one meaning), "I need to look it up, but remember the
last time we had intercourse was about last February wasn't it?  Yea,
pretty sure we set aside a couple weekends to just stay in and play." "I
definitely remember the last time you came.  I had you laid on the end
table, and had been using the dildos and vibrators on you.  You LOVE that a
lot don't you.  "But, then I got out my knitting needles and used them. 
Think I even got my little finger part way into you that day.  "Still don't
remember why, but for some reason I thought it would be fun to massage your
thingy, it didn't get very erect that day either, but almost without
warning you started wiggling and then squirting it out.  "Bet your glad I
took blame for that instead of punishing you like I should have."

   I remembered the second event she spoke of more than the first.  It felt
nice, very very nice.  It hurt though.  This is the kind of pain and
pleasure that gets so confusing inside me.  Cumming was great, but by the
time it happened she had been putting those needles into me for 30 to 45
minutes.  (This was the first I heard she had her finger stuck into me.)
and it was swollen.  The orgasm was good, but the actual cumming, having
the sperm shooting out hurt.  There was damn little room and my body
forcing it out like that was painful, but ........WELL I guess that's why
I'm a masochist.  The pain felt deserved.

   I was thinking along with her now that she started it.

   "It being November now, almost December that makes it what?, 9 almost 10
months since we had intercourse and damn near 6 months since YOU had a
mannish orgasm.  Course lucky for you I know how much you enjoy those GIRLY
orgasms I give you.

   "It REALLY hasn't been that ALL that long has it?"

   Yea, she really wanted an honest reaction to that question.  It's
usually better not to talk back, bad things can happen.

   "Maybe I'll even put a special mark on the wall calendar so we'll both
know when the last times were.  "

   As you're reading are you getting the sense, just like I was, this
wasn't going to end nicely for me.  So was I.

   The personality and tone had changed.  At first it was let me help you,
now it was HAH!, let me torment and tease you.

   "You know baby, I hope you can follow through on the promise our little
friend has made, other wise you stand the chance of having a damned horny
pissed off DOMINANT SADISTIC friend this weekend.  I may love you,
but.......don't make promises you can't keep."

   By now I'm thinking, who made promises?  I was just laying here enjoying
playing with myself when it was someone else put their hand down there and
started all this.  Leave me alone and while I would probably have stopped
because Rhon had me promise not to cum without permission.  But!, if I had
been pretty sure no one was going to wake up till I was finished I might
have let myself go and then quickly cleaned up.

   There was lots of talking from her and lots of thinking being done by
me.

   Thinking is the absolute worst thing I can do when like that.  All I can
think of are all the times I didn't get it up rather than the times I did.
What can go wrong, when letting go and relaxing would work best.

   By now that damn hand was running over and back, side to side over me,
but not really pumping, nor was there any nice warm mouth that can also
feel like pussy helping.

   "Baby, You listening to me?", the voice was soft and seductive, but I
knew it wasn't sincere any more.  "The last time we fucked was before you
started taking your medicine wasn't it.  I was also remembering the last
time you had a man orgasm was just after you started your medicine.  Do you
think that might be having an affect on my 'itsy bitsy' friend?"

   My mind was yelling now, but I knew it was lots smarter not to say it
out loud.

   YEA!, you can be DAMN sure that 'medicine' as she called it wasn't
helping.  At her suggestion, should I quotation mark that?  Her suggestion
was for me to take some testosterone blockers.  She LOVED the concept of
blocking the testosterone so my 'thingy' and the balls would start
shrinking.  She had been hoping and measuring my breasts, plus checking for
less facial hair.  It also made it harder and maybe impossible for it to
get fully erect.

   That was one of those in the 'abstract' didn't sound so bad, after all
we didn't have sex very often, but now the reality was that it really WAS
shrinking and while the urges were still there it had been a long time
since it was hard.  It actually sneaked up on me today.  When I'm alone
it's especially hard to admit there was shrinkage and erect is now about a
third what is used to be.

   "Gee baby, it used to be what did we measure 5 ½ inches and nice and
thick, wasn't it?  Looking at it today I don't think it got past maybe 3
inches, maybe just a little longer than my middle finger.  "It didn't begin
to hard enough to get it inside me.  I mean I might be loose down there
but, I don't think I could have even got it lined up let alone hard enough
to slip it in.  Sort of reminded me of a worm, small and wiggly, but never
can get it to stay straight.  "I'm not sure I would have even felt it even
if you had gotten it it.

   "I mean putting my little finger in would have satisfied me more than
that little thing just laying there.  Think about from my point, even if we
had managed to get it in the door, how were you going to pump it without
falling out it every time you moved."

   Did you ever know someone who sounded like they were so sorry you were
feeling sick or got hurt, but deep down they were enjoying it?  Guess how I
was feeling right then.

   Plus I was aware of all her comments were in the past tense, like..."if
you had."

   I started to sit up and take hold of things for myself and see if I
could salvage some self respect.  Maybe a little shaking from my own hand
would help.

   "Sorry, baby.  But the mood has just left me."

   Then she smiled and said, "Let me rephrase that.  Some of the mood has
left me.  You go get your self showered and cleaned up, put on something
extra feminine and sexy today for me, would you?"

   By then I was just glad the super sadistic side hadn't kicked in so I
went and cleaned up.  When I got to the bathroom I checked and my guess was
my 'little thingy' was just about like the description, but worse.  My
guess was it was no bigger than an inch, and the sack sort of hung limply.
Nothing remotely masculine about either one.  What made it even more
depressing was this is about half what it used to be at it's littlest. 
Guess my 'medicine' was working.

   There was never any secret why Rhon wanted me to take the blockers, the
smaller it was the more feminine I would look when dressed, especially if
HE started pulling it back underneath.  The side benefit was even if I
wanted to be a man again so long as I was taking my pills the effect would
get greater.  He was also hoping that if the testosterone was being blocked
the small amounts of estrogen he was getting for me would eventually over
months start influencing the rest of my build.  He was hoping for at least
B cup tits eventually.

   When I came out of the bathroom, cleaned up both outside and in, just in
case Rhon was in a my turn type of mood.  Having Rhon make love to me can
sometimes be great, but if I'm not ready it's just another form or torture.

   I realized as soon as SHE started to talk that Rhon was still taking the
day off and the woman in there was going to be here.

   When she looked at me she said, "ronni, I want you to put on that little
red dress we bought you not long ago, along with a pair of your mesh
stockings and garters, and also fix your finger and toe nails with that
bright red I like so much.  Then put on your make-up, but do the eyes dark
and sexy, use the bright red lipstick also.  "Oh, put in one of your large
glass butt plugs, it might be nice to have that in and ready."

   My face was saying, "What the hell is going on?"

   "I'm so excited Doug and a friend of his is coming over for lunch.  Oh,
I know you don't like Doug very much, but he does have a nice big and
always hard cock.  Last time I saw him I think he was able to cum what was
it 3 or 4 times?  "Besides you know he likes you too, he especially likes
it that you're getting so good at getting him hard and then cleaning him,
then hard....well you know.  "Why just now he told me your a much better
cock sucker than you used to be."

   I finally found my voice and said, "Yes but he makes fun of me and likes
to spank my ass."

   You're right he likes to tease and what's a spanking if it helps to get
him ready for more."

   "Besides he asked if he could bring a friend, so I said yes.  I'm not
sure if the friend is for you or me."

   "OH Well!, I'm sure I will have fun!" "YOU should have never gotten my
juices going."

   I might have started crying about then, but instead of sympathy I got
the look that said get ready and do what your told.  So I did.

   "OH!, And you will be excited to know I was on the computer and asked
Jim to come over tomorrow.  He was the one that said he had at least 2 guy
friends that just loved girls like you, so maybe if not today tomorrow
we'll get you a friend to help take all those boy thoughts out of your
head."