Title: Who's Afraid of Intendant Kira? Author: Kathryn Ramage Series: DS9 Codes: B/alt-G & K/alt-K Rating: PG13 Summary: A parody of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf," set in DS9's mirror universe. Setting: The 2nd-season episode, "Crossover" (sort of) Notes: My idea for this story goes all the way back to one of my earliest viewings of "Crossover." Watching Intendant Kira and First Officer Garak, I thought: "What a fun couple! They really know how to throw a party. Just like George and Martha Whosis in 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf'!" So, some time later, when I saw WAoVA again, I couldn't help re-membering this and re-casting accordingly--Garak in the Richard Burton role, the Intendant in place of Liz Taylor, and so on. Major Kira primarily gets the George Segal role (Nick) and Bashir the Sandy Dennis role (Honey), but when I actually settled down to write, I wound up switching some of their scenes around so that they'd work better for reasons of personal interaction, gender, or sexual tension. Special Thanks: to Silver Rayne and Saklani for their beta- reading. Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek, DS9, and all the characters. This story was written purely for entertainment purposes (and with apologies to Edward Albee). ~*~ Act I A darkened room on Terek Nor. The lights come on as the door slides open. Intendant Kira strides in, First Officer Garak following. We can now see that they have entered the sitting room of the In-tendant's suite, which is in obvious disarray: cast-off articles of clothing belonging to the Intendant are scattered over most of the furniture, and the tables and floor are cluttered with half-finished glasses of various colored beverages, some of which have toppled over and spilled. Intendant Kira [surveying the mess]: What a dump! [turning back to Garak] What was it the poet Amanis said about returning to chaos? Garak: I don't remember, Intendant. Intendant Kira: Yes, you do! It was in the 'Song of B'hala Lost.' [She plucks discarded clothing off the plush lounge at the center of the room and stuffs it under the cushions.] Amanis travels for many years, all over Bajor, and when he returns to B'hala, he finds it in ruins. [She picks up a discarded glass from the table at the foot of the lounge, considers the remaining purplish liquid within, then bolts it down.] And he says something. What was it? Garak [more stolidly]: Intendant, I do not recall. I'm afraid I'm not conversant with all of the works of your great Bajoran poets. Intendant Kira: I'm not asking you to remember every piece of Bajoran poetry ever written. Just this one. You _must_ know it. It's a very famous poem, about a once-mighty civilization that's crumbled into decay. Amanis returns to B'hala, and he looks over the ruins of the ancient temple, the empty streets of his beloved city, and he throws his arms out in a gesture of absolute despair. [She pauses in the task of picking up more scattered clothing and demonstrates.] And he says [dramatically]: 'Ah, B'hala, how thy glory has fallen...' Garak [echoing without inflection]: 'Ah, B'hala, how thy glory has fallen.' Intendant Kira: No-ooo, that's not it. Don't you know anything? [She looks at the mess around her again, and flings away the clothing she's holding with a cry of frustration.] I shouldn't have had _all_ my body servants executed at once! Garak, help me clean this up. Garak: As you wish, Intendant. [He begins to gather up glasses.] I really don't understand why you're making such a fuss. The dis-order of your rooms has never concerned you before. Intendant Kira: But we're having company tonight. Garak: Are we? [He puts the glasses in the disposal unit while the Intendant resumes picking things up.] Who? Intendant Kira: That very attractive Major Kira that the Klingons picked up in the Denorios Belt. Garak [softly]: Ahh...of course. The 'attractive' Major. Intendant Kira [not hearing him]: I've asked her to join me this evening. Her Terran companion will be here too-- she refused to come without him. I thought you could entertain him, while the Major and I discuss a few important matters, and entertain your-self as well. Garak: If you insist, Intendant. I hope you aren't planning to discuss the Alliance- Intendant Kira: I'll talk about anything I want to! [She shoves an armload of clothing at him.] Get rid of these while I go and change. [The door chimes.] Garak: Too late. Your guests have arrived. Intendant Kira: Enter! [The door opens to reveal two Klingon guards escorting Major Kira and Bashir. The Intendant comes forward with a huge smile.] Major Kira Nerys, welcome! Major Kira [warily entering the room]: You sent for us, Intendant? [She stumbles forward as the Klingons thrust the doctor through the doorway behind her, then depart.] Intendant Kira: I know how strange and unsettling all of this must seem to you. How frightened you must be, lost in another universe. What better way to reassure you that you are among friends than to welcome you personally in my own quarters? Bashir: Anything that keeps me out ore processing is fine with me. Intendant Kira [ignoring him]: And this will be such a wonderful opportunity for us to get to know each other. Garak, order drinks for the Major and me. The Terran too-- I'm in a generous mood! Make our guests welcome, and I'll go and slip into something...more com-fortable. [to Kira] I was just going to freshen up. Why don't you come and give me a hand? Major Kira [reluctantly]: Yes, all right. Intendant Kira [as she leads the Major into the bedroom]: I've been having a terrible time keeping servants lately... [The door closes behind the two Kiras, leaving Bashir nervously alone with Garak.] Garak: What will you have? Bashir: Oh, anything's fine. [He sits down on the lounge and, finding himself on a discarded piece of lingerie, tugs it free, and quickly tosses it to the floor.] Garak [placing an order at the replicator]: Four Talbarian Roq'eg blasters. [to Bashir] The Intendant's favorite. I'm sure you and the Major will enjoy them too. [He takes the tray of drinks from the replicator and places it on the table beside the lounge.] They look remarkably alike, don't they--Major Kira and the Intendant? I must admit, it came as quite a surprise when the two of you were brought aboard Terek Nor, and I first saw your Major. [He hands Bashir one of the drinks.] But, in spite of her...formidable per-sonality, she is an attractive woman. Bashir [confused]: Major Kira? Garak [smiling]: Intendant Kira. Major Kira is your Kira. Bashir: Well, she's not _my_ Kira, exactly. We were just- ah-traveling together. [He tries his drink and finds it surprisingly strong but, since Garak is watching him for a reaction, he takes a second, larger gulp.] In fact, I don't think she likes me much. Garak: Oh, I find that hard to believe. Bashir: No, it's true. She thinks I'm arrogant. Annoying. A spoiled, over-privileged child. [Another gulp.] I don't believe she'd mind it very much if you did send me off to ore processing. Garak: Intendant Kira? Bashir: No, Major Kira. My- [He stops suddenly and smiles.] You're playing with me, aren't you? The way my Garak does. Garak: You have your very own Garak? Bashir [growing uncomfortable again]: Er- yes. Garak: Unfortunately, I have no Bashir of my own. [He is still smiling benignly, but Bashir begins to fidget with the drink he is holding; he finishes it off, and looks relieved when the Kiras return. The Intendant is now wearing her purple party dress.] Garak: Intendant, how charming you look! I didn't know that you planned to attend Temple this evening. Intendant Kira: I thought we might make an appearance on the Pro-menade. I feel like celebrating tonight, to show off my new friend. [She places one hand on Major Kira's arm; the Major doesn't like this, but does not draw away.] I'm looking forward to showing you around Terek Nor, Nerys. Major Kira: And you'll tell us more about this Alliance that Bajor is part of? Garak [suddenly alert]: What's that? Major Kira: The- ah- Intendant was just telling me about the Alliance. Garak: Was she? Your pardon, Intendant, but was that wise? Intendant Kira: I wanted to. Bashir: What about this Alliance? Garak [shifting tone]: We belong to a vast interstellar Alliance. [He picks up two other glasses on the tray and hands one to each Kira as they sit down.] I assume you don't have anything like it in your universe? Major Kira: No. Bashir: There is the Federation- [Garak hands him a second glass; the doctor begins to protest, but decides against it and accepts the drink.] Major Kira: But neither Bajor nor Cardassia are members. Are they both part of your Alliance, here? Garak: Oh, yes. Cardassia, Bajor, the Klingons, more than a dozen worlds. Intendant, why don't you tell them more about it? _You_ were so eager for the Major to hear all the details. Intendant Kira [irritated by his tone]: Not now. Right now, I want to know more about our guests. [She smiles at Major Kira.] I'm eager to learn all about you, your universe, your...interests. This Ter-ran of yours, for example--he looks like a healthy and energetic specimen. [spoken lightly; Bashir obviously isn't the object of her attention. As she pats his thigh, she keeps her eyes meaning-fully on the Major.] Major Kira: Er- Thank you. [Bashir begins to look anxious- -the Intendant's hand is still resting on his leg--but Kira glares at him, silently urging him to keep still.] Intendant Kira: I'm very jealous, Nerys. We don't have many pretty ones sent here anymore. You've seen what _I_ have to amuse myself with--filthy Klingons, Ferengi... [She glances dismissively over Garak.] My First Officer. When I was assigned to Terek Nor, every-one warned me about him: 'Watch out for Garak!' they told me. 'He's a man of ambition. He wants the Intendancy for himself.' But was I afraid? No. I welcomed the challenge. I wanted a First Officer who would [purring suggestively] keep me on my toes. That was exactly how I'd made _my_ way to the top, and I thought it would be exciting to meet my match at last. It sounded like so much fun. Well, it was exciting, at first. Not a week went by that he wasn't trying to bribe my guards to assassinate me, or rigging the engine on a shuttlecraft to explode. Oh, he kept me on my toes, all right! But, after a couple of years went by, and I was still alive, I began to think that I was wrong about my Garak. Maybe he wasn't a match for me after all. None of his plots or schemes ever seemed to work out--did they, Garak? Garak [pleasantly]: It wasn't for lack of trying, Intendant. [Major Kira and Bashir look from one to the other with growing bafflement. Is it a joke? Or are they serious?] Intendant Kira: No, not for lack of trying. [She swirls her drink contemplatively.] You haven't given up yet, have you, Garak? You still think about taking my place and gaining control of this station. [to her guests] Don't be fooled by that servile demeanor--he's a dangerous man. He wants me dead, you know. He plots it. Oh, he's ambitious. [Abruptly, she throws her drink in his face.] You've poisoned the drinks again, haven't you? [Bashir and Major Kira sit stunned, then slowly consider the glasses they both have drunk from. Garak stands there, not even wiping the liquid dripping from his ridges. Then he smiles.] Garak: Did you really think I was trying to poison you, Intendant? Intendant Kira [laughs contemptuously]: _You_? Kill me? Garak: I might do it...one day. Intendant Kira: I'll believe that when I see it. You dream of my assassination, Garak, but you don't have the nerve to see it through. You don't have what it takes to get rid of me! The truth is that you wouldn't know what to do with the power if you had it. [An awkward silence descends upon the room. Major Kira and Bashir obviously, desperately want to get away, but can see no avenue of escape. After a moment, Bashir picks up some silky garment from the floor and hands it to Garak to blot his face dry.] Major Kira [tentatively]: Perhaps we ought to- Intendant Kira [smiling at her]: Yes, that's right--I was going to take you on a tour of the Promenade. Why don't we go out now? Garak [softly]: Yes, why not? If you don't trust me to replicate your drinks for you, perhaps you'll find Quark a more reliable bartender. Intendant Kira [pretending not to hear him]: Come on. [She heads out the door, the others slowly following. The room lights dim as the party exits.] End Act I ~*~ Act II Quark's Place. Intendant Kira is dancing by herself in the middle of the open floor, spinning in circles and laughing. Major Kira and Bashir are seated at the bar; the doctor holds his head propped on both hands as he considers the nearly empty glass on the counter-top before him and he appears very groggy at this point. Bashir: I can't remember the last time I've had so much liquor poured into me like this. [lowering voice to a whisper] You don't think those drinks Garak replicated were really poisoned, do you? Major Kira [whispering back]: If _ours_ were, we'd be feeling the effects of it by now. I think it was just some kind of game they were playing. Bashir [still whispering]: _I_ think the two of them are insane! Major, how are we going to get out of here? [He looks around the room.] There don't seem to be very many people on the station, but this Alliance sounds powerful. Even if we can get back to the runabout and away from Terok Nor, we'll still be in their space. Major Kira: Just go along with them for now, no matter what, and leave the rest of it to me. [She watches her twin thoughtfully.] Intendant Kira...likes me. Maybe I can reason with her, convince her to let us leave. Intendant Kira [raising her voice]: Music! Where is my flute-player? I want some music to dance to--and someone to dance with! [She stops spinning and finds to the Major] What about you, Nerys? Major Kira: Yes, if you want me to. [She gets up.] Bashir [shocked]: Major! Major Kira [hissing]: Leave this to me! [She heads for the Inten-dant, who wraps both arms around her shoulders and begins to sing a wordless 'la-la-la' melody as she pulls her into a rather suggestive dance. The Major tries to follow her lead, a little awkwardly at first, but soon gets into the rhythm of it. Garak, who has been watching from the far end of the bar, moves in now to sit next to Bashir.] Garak [gesturing to Bashir's glass]: Quark! Another drink for our Terran guest! Bashir [as Quark refills his glass]: No, really, Garak- Thank you, no- I've had enough. Garak: Nonsense! It's only another Roq'eg blaster. You can have as many of those as you like. Never mix, never worry--that's what I always say. [He turns on the barstool to observe the two women.] Look at them. They move together as if they were made for each other. A perfectly matched set. Why don't we join them, angel-thighs? Bashir [blearily]: Wh- what? What did you call me? Garak: Would you care to dance? Bashir: Er- no. No, thanks. I don't- I don't dance. Garak: If you say so. [He leans back on the bar and sips his own drink as he watches the Kiras dance.] Intendant Kira [meeting Garak's eyes over her partner's shoulder]: You don't know how happy I am to have you here, Nerys. It's just as I told you: everyone I have to amuse myself with here has turned out to be such a disappointment. _Him_ more than all the others, because I expected so much more. [to Garak] Why don't you tell him why you were assigned to Terek Nor? _That_ will impress him. Garak: Oh, I don't want to be a bore. Intendant Kira: But it's a fascinating story, Garak! I'm sure the Terran will enjoy hearing it, and he'll be _so_ sympathetic. [to Bashir] Go on. Ask Garak to tell you his story. [Bashir demures, not wanting to get himself in the middle of Round Two. The In-tendant speaks to Major Kira.] If I'd known the truth myself at the beginning, I would never have gotten my hopes up about him. Major Kira: Why? What did he do? Intendant Kira: Shall I tell you? Well, why not, since Garak's being so modest about his past tonight. Twenty years ago, Garak was considered one of the most promising officers to come out of Cardassia. He _was_ ambitious. Everyone said he would go far--he couldn't help it. His father was head of the High Council in those days, and saw to it that Garak was placed in positions where he had every opportunity to climb right to the top. It would only take a few favors, an assassination or two. But, in spite of all his advantages, Garak never rose to the occasion. He was too loyal to his superiors when he should have betrayed them. He always chose the wrong friends, backed the wrong factions. Garak: Intendant... Intendant Kira [ignoring him and speaking only to the Major as they continue to dance]: So, they called him back to the great Council Chambers on Yla Prime, where he had a private conference with his father. Garak won't talk about it, but I've heard it said that the old man insulted him in every way he could, that he said the most horrible, hateful things. [Her voice grows louder and more strident.] They say he was hoping to make Garak so angry that he'd stab him right then and there and prove he had the strength to seize power after all. But of course Garak couldn't even do _that_. His poor father had to retire, because he couldn't bear the shame of it. Garak: Intendant, stop this. Intendant Kira [going farther, and spinning faster; Major Kira tries to draw away, but the Intendant will not let her go.]: Garak had failed too many times, and the Alliance does not think highly of failures. That's why they sent him here, to give him one last chance. If he couldn't take care of one... [chuckles] inexperienced young Intendant in her first command, then he deserved to sit in the First Officer's post until his dying day. And there he sits! [She waves an arm in Garak's direction.] Swilling his kanar! Flirting with all the prettiest boys. [She stops spinning and releases the Major. They both stand, breathing hard.] Now, isn't that a sad ending to a sad, sad story? Garak [who has been sitting impassively all during this last harangue, now rises from his seat]: If you've finished, I would like to tell a story too. [to Bashir and Kira] It's not from my personal history, like the Intendant's tragic little narra-tive. No, this is something quite different. Call it a piece of speculative fiction. The story I want to tell is about a Bajoran major who came all the way from another universe only to meet herself. She had a Terran, but he wasn't _her_ Terran. Actually, I don't think she liked him very much. [Major Kira turns to stare at him.] Bashir [seeing where this is going, but trying to be cool]: I feel as if I know these people. Intendant Kira [warning]: Garak, I won't have this. Garak: Sympathy for a Terran, Intendant? Intendant Kira: You're making my guests uncomfortable. Major Kira, allow me to apologize. Major Kira: I'm all right. Julian? Bashir [still embarrassed]: I'm fine. Garak [triumphantly]: There you are, Intendant. No harm done. Now, as I was saying, this Bajoran major was unhappy in this universe, where she did not belong, and she wanted only to return home. But how was she going to manage it? Fortunately, _she_ wasn't afraid to take advantage of the opportunities that lay before her. She wasn't afraid to perform...favors to get what she wanted. But just how far was she willing to go? Intendant Kira: Garak, that's enough! [Major Kira runs out. Bashir goes after her.] How _could_ you? Garak: I did it for you, Intendant. I thought you'd enjoy it. Aren't blood sports to your tastes? Intendant Kira: I don't enjoy hurting innocent people! Garak [snapping]: Don't pretend that _you_ are the injured party here, Intendant! It isn't plausible, not after these little scenes you've put on for our guests. You're showing off for her--do you think I don't see that? You even told her about the Alliance. [Quark overhears this, but casts his eyes down as he meekly clears the empty glasses from the bar and pretends not to listen.] Intendant Kira: All right, you wanted to strike back at me, but you hurt Nerys. Garak: It's the same thing, isn't it? Intendant Kira: So that's what this is all about? [She looks out at the darkened Promenade, where Major Kira is headed for the turbolift. Bashir follows her, rather unsteadily; he loses his balance and the Major catches him as he falls to his knees.] My twin? Garak: You know I'm right. She's only after one thing. Intendant Kira [smiles]: So am I. What does it matter to you any-way? I've had a dozen--dozens!--like her without a jealous word from you. Garak: This one is different. I'm warning you, Kira Nerys, if you do this- Intendant Kira: What will you do to stop me? Try it. Just try to stand in my way with her again, and I swear I will make you sorry! I mean it, Garak. I will get you. Garak: We'll see who gets whom. Intendant Kira: Is that a threat? Garak: It's a promise. I've sat quietly and endured the humiliation you constantly heap upon me, but if you think you can tear me to pieces for your guest's entertainment- Intendant Kira: You can stand it! It's what you stay here for, year after year! Garak: I've reached my limit tonight. You have pushed me to it. I've had enough. Intendant Kira [laughs]: If you had the balls, you'd have put an end to this long ago. [She turns and stalks out.] Garak: Maybe it's time I did. [He watches as the Intendant walks up to Major Kira and Bashir, who are still on the Promenade; she speaks to Major Kira and tries to lead her away, but the Major will not leave Bashir behind. After some discussion, the two women haul the doctor to his feet, and drag him into the lift. Garak turns back to the bar.] Quark! More kanar! [He returns to his seat as the Ferengi pours him a drink.] End Act II ~*~ Act III Intendant Kira quarters. The door emits a series of high- pitched beeps as Garak overrides the security seal. He walks in to find the sitting room in low-level lighting. Bashir lies asleep on the lounge. Neither Kira is in sight, but an orange Bajoran militia jacket lies on the floor; Garak picks up the jacket as he crosses the room on his way to the door of the Intendant's bedroom. He notes that the door is locked, then returns to sit at the foot of the lounge. After a minute or two, he sighs and turns to consider the sleeping human, then gently lays one hand on Bashir's flank. Bashir [waking up at the touch]: Uh- what? Garak: Do you know where your Kira is? Bashir: Not _my_ Kira. Garak: Whoever she belongs to--do you know where she is? Bashir [lifts his head to look around the room]: I think she went off with the Intendant. They wanted to talk, 'bout girl stuff. [His head drops back to the cushions.] Garak [laughs]: You really don't know, do you? You don't know what's going on in there. [He nods to indicate the bedroom door.] What your Major Kira's doing to ensure that she gains the Intendant's good favor. Bashir: Major Kira wouldn't do that. Garak: Wouldn't she? Well, you know her better than I do. Perhaps they are only engaging in 'girl talk' and wanted a little privacy. [He looks over the young man sprawled out before him.] Now, what about you, Terran? What, I wonder, would _you_ do to guarantee your freedom? [He reaches for Bashir.] Bashir: Don't touch me! Garak [drawing back quickly]: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. But why shouldn't we amuse ourselves? After all, our respect-ive Kiras are in there, and you and I are...out here. Bashir: I've never done that. Garak: Never? A pretty Terran like you? Bashir: 'S true. People always think that about me, but I'm not- I don't- I'm too afraid. I don't want to be hurt. [He curls, head to his knees.] Don't-! [as Garak tries to touch him again.] I'm afraid of being hurt. Garak: I'm not going to hurt you. Bashir: That's just what he'd say. [He rolls to his side.] I know he wants it. I can see it in his eyes, the way he looks at me... Garak: Who? Whose eyes? Bashir [continuing over the interruption]: I _know_ what he'd like. He wants me that way, and it scares me. Garak: _Who_? [then, understanding] Your Garak? Bashir: My Garak. [He rolls over and hangs his head over the side of the lounge.] I think I'm gonna be sick. Garak [to himself]: I should have realized... [to Bashir] You haven't told him this? He doesn't know? Bashir: No. I always hold him back, pretend I don't see. [He struggles to push himself up. Garak takes him by the arm to help him; Bashir doesn't resist this time. As he turns to sit up, he finds himself nose-to-nose with the Cardassian, and looks into his eyes.] It's not that I don't wonder about it too, sometimes, but I never let him touch me. Garak: Maybe it's time you did. [He draws closer. Their mouths almost meet, and then Bashir pulls back abruptly.] Bashir: What was that beeping noise? Garak: [puzzled] What-? Bashir: _Beeping_. What was it? Was there a message? Garak: Message... [He releases Bashir as an idea begins to form.] Yes. That's what it was. An urgent message just arrived from our superiors on Yla Prime. The Terran rebels have laid siege to the capitol city, and have finally broken through its defensive shields. They were storming the gates of the Council of Ministers' chambers when the message ended abruptly. I'm afraid the Council may all be dead. Bashir: Oh, no. That's awful! Garak: Yes, isn't it? It seems that the rebellion has been success-ful. The heart of the Alliance is in ruins, and the Intendant doesn't know about it yet. She doesn't realize that the government that put her in her exalted position of authority is gone. [He grins at the thought.] Bashir: That's- er- Ulp- [His hand quickly covers his mouth.] Excuse me. [He runs out of the room. Garak barely notices Bashir's exit; he remains seated on the lounge, forming his plans, and does not look up until the bedroom door opens and Major Kira emerges, wearing the bodysuit of her uniform. She picks up her jacket from the floor and puts it on.] Major Kira [looking around the room]: Where's Dr. Bashir? What have you done with him? Garak: Nothing, my dear. He's your Terran, after all. I wouldn't dream of infringing on _your_ territory unless I had gained your permission first. Major Kira: Then where is he? Garak: Dr. Bashir has had a little too much to drink. The last time I saw him, he was headed for the 'fresher. I expect you'll find him lying on the floor. [Kira goes to check.] I wouldn't worry about him, Major--he's probably happier in there. Did you enjoy your 'mirror' experience? Major Kira [sitting beside him on the lounge and letting her head fall to her hands]: I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. I can't just say it's because I've been drinking. I feel like I've lost my mind. Is this place actually a madhouse? Garak [smiling]: Ah, you're not far wrong. Major Kira: I don't know when you people are lying, or telling the truth. Garak: You're not supposed to. That's the point. Major Kira: I must be insane. That almost made sense. [She lifts her head and studies him.] You feel threatened by me, Garak--Why? Garak: Why? Because you are ambitious, as I was. Major Kira: My 'ambitions' aren't the same as yours. I don't want to take over anything. I just want to get away from here. I'll do whatever I have to to get us out of this place. Garak: Anything? Major Kira: Anything. Garak: You _say_ that, but I suspect you don't really mean it. My dear Major, you have no idea what that word means. I do. In my long and illustrious career, I have occasionally been expected to do 'anything' in order to succeed. Major Kira: According to the Intendant, you couldn't do it. Garak: And yet, Intendant Kira has asked more from me than anyone else. Believe me, you don't want to know what 'anything' entails, especially where _she_ is concerned. Do you think you can convince her to let you go? You think she can be reasoned with? Bargained with? Placated? [He shakes his head] I wouldn't depend on it. You're her new plaything. The perfect match she's been looking for for so long. Why should she release you when you're so much more fun than all her old toys? Major Kira: Like you, Garak? [pause] Why do let her treat you that way? Garak: It is the role I chose to play, at our Intendant's bidding. As she has already informed you, I have an odd sense of loyalty, and she can be quite a persuasive woman-- I'm sure you understand the appeal, Major. Major Kira: But _why_? Why do you stay? Why don't you...? Garak: Kill her? Major Kira: She says you've tried to. Garak: Yes. I must admit, I think about it often. You don't know how often I've considered it. Sometimes, the thought is the only thing that sustains me. It would be more merciful for us all. It would put an end to this farce. [He smiles suddenly] Aren't you taking a great risk in telling me your plans, Major? I might go straight to the Intendant and repeat every word. Major Kira: You could, but it wouldn't get you what you want. Garak: And what do you think that is? Major Kira: You want us gone--_me_ gone. Garak: I can't deny it. Major Kira: Why not help us then? It's the quickest way to get rid of me. Garak: Not the quickest way, Major. Major Kira [stares at him, eyes wide]: Wh- what do you mean? Garak: You'll see... [He turns to look up as the bedroom door opens and Intendant Kira comes out, wearing a mouse- gray robe.] Intendant, I think it's time we brought this delightful evening to a close. Say 'farewell' to your guests... Intendant Kira: I'm not finished yet. Garak: Yes, you are. You just don't realize it. [He looks around.] But we're missing one of our party. Major, will you bring your Terran back in--if he feels up to it. [Major Kira leaves the room.] Intendant Kira [impatiently]: All right, Garak--What is it you're planning now? Garak: I'm going to put an end to this. I promised I would, even if you didn't believe me. [The Intendant stares at him. Major Kira returns with Bashir, who looks pale, sick, and bedraggled.] You've had your fun, my dear, playing with your twin, but the game is over now. I am tired. Your guests are tired. I'm sure they just want to go home. Bashir [moaning as he slumps down into the nearest chair]: I want to go home. Garak: And you will, soon. Home to your own universe, your own Terek Nor...and your own Garak? [Bashir lifts his head and looks at him; Garak nods.] But before we send you on your way, there is one last thing we have to finish here. [to the Intendant, who is still staring at him; she looks almost afraid now.] Intendant, you were going to tell Major Kira all about the Alliance. Why don't you do so now? Intendant Kira [with sudden reluctance]: I don't want to... Garak [firmly]: But _I_ want you to. [They meet each other's eyes for a long minute, and the Intendant sits down.] Intendant Kira: Yes, all right. [Major Kira's mouth drops open at this unexpected acquiescence.] Garak: You'll want a fresh drink for this. [He orders another blaster from the replicator, and brings it to the seat the Inten-dant has chosen. She takes it and gulps it down without hesitation.] Ready? Why don't you tell her what the Alliance meant to you? Intendant Kira: All right. [She composes herself, hands folded in her lap.] You have to understand what it was like for us. Bajor was in ruins. The Terran Empire had conquered our world over a cen-tury ago. The planet had been strip-mined, and the Bajorans were in slave-labor camps. It seemed like a miracle when their Empire suddenly crumbled, and the former overlords were at our mercy. Now, they were _our_ slaves. We sent them to the mines, forced them to rebuild the world they had plundered so callously. It took us 50 years to recover from what they'd done to us, but when we ready, we petitioned to join the Alliance. Garak: It was a great honor when Bajor was accepted. Intendant Kira: A great honor. It proved to us that we had a place in the Galaxy, that the Bajor of the old legends had _not_ been for-gotten. A new B'hala would rise from the ruins. Garak [quoting]: 'Ah, B'hala, how thy glory has diminished./ The shining-spired towers have fallen into dust./ Beloved city, I weep to find thee finished...' Intendant Kira [wryly, without looking at him]: You knew the poem all along. [to Major Kira] The Alliance helped us achieve our goal. Bajor was once again a power to be reckoned with. [dreamily] In due time, I was placed in charge of this space station. I take my responsibilities seriously. Very seriously. It is my sacred duty to defend it, to die before I let Terek Nor fall into enemy hands. Garak: And you've done your duty well. What a pity that it's all over. Intendant Kira [looks up at him sharply]: All over? What do you mean, Garak? Garak: I mean, Intendant, that a message arrived while you were... occupied with the Major. A message from Yla Prime. Intendant Kira [suspiciously]: The Council? Garak: The Council. The Terran rebels have assaulted the capitol and I believe all the ministers were killed. Intendant Kira: All of them? Jaro, Duras, Ghemor...? Garak: All dead, Intendant. Every one. You know how brutal Terrans can be. Intendant Kira: No! You can't do that! Major Kira: He couldn't have done anything, Intendant. He doesn't control the fate of the universe. Garak: That's right, Major. I don't control the fate of the uni-verse. I'm merely reporting the sad truth. [to Bashir] You were right here when the message arrived. You heard it, didn't you? Bashir [still dazed and nauseous]: I heard a beeping noise. Was that a message coming in? Garak: Yes, that's exactly what it was. Don't you remember? Bashir [shakes his head]: I remember you saying so. Garak: Yes, I said so. Intendant Kira: No! Major Kira [looking from one to the other in amazement]: You- [She begins to understand.] Oh, by the Prophets- Intendant Kira: You can't do this! Garak: But, my dear, I have done it. Major Kira: By the Prophets, I think I know what's going on here. Garak [glancing briefly in her direction]: Do you, Major? Intendant Kira [rising from her chair]: I'll make you regret this, Garak! I'll have you strung up on the Promenade and flayed alive! My guards will shoot your bloody remains to ashes! Garak [pleasantly]: You'll do no such thing. Intendant Kira: You- [She stares at him, wild eyed, but ultimately checked. She bursts into tears and flings herself to the lounge, sobbing like a thwarted child.] Major Kira [tentatively]: This Alliance of yours...it doesn't exist, does it? Garak: It did, once. It fell years ago, when the Terrans rebelled. All that remains are a few small outposts, such as this one. Major Kira: But why this ruse? Garak: We tried to keep up the illusion. Some of us are still loyal to the old ways, and to our Intendant. [He moves to stand over the sobbing Intendant.] But it is time for this game to end. Intendant Kira: No! You didn't have to do it! Garak: Yes, I did. You left me no other choice. Intendant Kira [lifting her head to look up at him]: _Why_? Garak: Because you told an outsider. The illusion could only hold up as long as we looked at it from the inside, as long as no one made us see things as they really were. Intendant Kira: You just wanted to get rid of my Major! Garak: Well, yes, that too. Major Kira: We'll- ah- be going now. [Neither Garak nor the Intendant responds. She takes Bashir by the arm.] Julian, come on. [Quietly, they slip out.] Intendant Kira: I'll make you pay for this, Garak. I will kill you this time--I mean it! Garak [more gently this time]: No, you won't. You don't have the power anymore. Your every command may have brought terror to thou-sands once upon a time, but that time is gone. Who's afraid of Intendant Kira? No one, my dear. No one. ~end~