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 Mommy's Love Denied

   By Mathew Elizabeth

   Chapter Fourteen

   **Scott-Present Time**

   Over a month had passed.  After returning from the mental hospital I
continued to go to school like normal.  But my life was far from normal.  I
wasn't sure what was real or what was fantasy anymore.  Sometimes I would
forget where and when situations would occur.  My psychologist Miss Bunda
took it upon herself to become my school's 'shrink'.  She told me she
wanted to keep taking care of me as a patient and it was a convenient
career switch for her.  I was to talk to her everyday during lunch and
after school.  I was instructed to go into detail about my social
anxieties; about what my mother and my classmate might or might not be
doing without me present.  It was like Miss Bunda was trying to get a rise
out of me; or egg me on; so to speak.  But it was better than all my
classmates laughing and snickering at me.  All of them knew about my
nervous breakdown a while back.

   Miss Bunda explained that my sleepy; confused and dream like state was
an early side effect of my medication.  But this 'side-effect' didn't seem
to be wearing off.  I had to expain all my horrifyingly intense fantasies
in a school office everyday with an erection tightly twitching within my
pants.  While at the same time dreamily looking at the ambiguous and
beautiful face of a latina woman; I didn't know wether she was crying
or...laughing inside as she studied my reactions and thoughts of social
anxiety.

   Thirteen-year-old Ryan continued to live with my mother and I.  Or
should I say I was allowed to live with them both.  His alchoholic father
Brendan didn't seem to be getting any better from his illness resulting in
alchohol abuse.  From the way it sounded; Brendan's life could be in great
danger.  But through my hazy dream like state; both Mum and Ryan's concern
seemed to be dulled from my mind.

   Ryan and I didn't talk much when I arrived back home; at first anyway.
We eventually made eye contact after the first week and would make little
gestures like "Hey," and "Can you pass the salt?"

   I was kind of scared of Ryan now.  I didn't quite know why either; I
just didn't know what to expect from him.  I was super careful about what I
would say around him for some reason.  Ryan wouldn't make fun of me like he
used before the incident as well.  Which was strange; because prior to all
this; he was the biggest social bully in my life; despite being half my
size.

   I often theorised that he pretended to be my friend so he would make fun
of me all time.  But wasn't boys making fun normal?  Wasn't that what
friends at that age do to one other?  Was I just overreacting all my life
because I have social anxiety?  I frowned to myself thinking about my lack
of normality.  Since the very beginning; I never understood or accepted
simple social linkages; that 'Boy's will be boy's'; and friends make fun of
one another.  It was normal.  I realised this too late.

   Ryan was one of those 'ratty looking' type of boys that scurried
sneakily into social groups like my other friends with his charm, humour
and cunning.  He would use that humour at the expense of others; such as
myself; who was so prone to getting his feelings hurt.  It was so obvious
before Little Ryan's mocking eyes.  When I hit puberty at the beginning of
middle-school; hormones made me emotional.  Before I developed my muscles
and was considered the school's 'goofy tank' I had puppy fat and my face
puffed up.  From then on Ryan's cruel japes became more intensified and
there wasn't anything I could do about it because he was part of my group
of friends.

   Within these intense number of months; I had foolishly and openly
accused Little Ryan of doing something that all the boys in my school
dreamed of doing.  I accused him of having passionate sex with my 'Milf'
mother.  It was something that the boys in my grade envied; but none of us
would dare prove; otherwise the situation would be spoiled for all our
curiousness.  Especially for the twisted perverted 'self' I had become so
proudly.  Who was only in the middle of his journey of sexual confusion and
humiliation.  Like a confused ugly troll or goblin in a cave coming across
normal travellers to defeat him.  I was strange.  I was aroused by what was
happening.  Despite feeling so helpless; it felt so good.  Like lightning
running through my spine and outwards though my fingertips.

   When I would stumble in my house after a hard day at school; speaking
for Miss Bunda for over an hour afterwards and getting home later than I
used to before all this chaos.  I would walk straight towards my room.  I
would lazily close my bedroom door behind me and slouched as I pushed down
my sweaty school pants and underwear below my knees.  I felt my bare bum
land on my computer chair; the blank computer screen ready to be switched
on.  The cotton fabric felt warm on my rump for some reason.

   Where did thirteen-year-old Ryan sleep in the house?  I never dared to
ask.  I took it upon myself to be ultra restpectful and never ask any
questions that doubt my beautiful mothers integrity.  She probably didn't
wan't to see me after all as well; after the horrible things I said about
her to the police and the old school councellor.  So I would try to stay
out of her and Ryan's sight and go straight to my room and play with
myself; by myself.

   I looked down and saw my hard cock glistening and aching to be touched.
I wrap my right hand's fingers around the base of my bony hard cock with my
eyes closed and my voice prepared to whimper.  Up and down; I jerked off
with tears in my eyes by my computer desk.  My right shoulder was popping
up and down as I rubbed my private parts harder and harder.  My face was
slightly hobbling from side to side from the intense rubbing as I perched
my lips like a fish and squinted my eyes; imagining the most simple things
I was denied.

   Little Ryan would have got home earlier and been greeted by my beautiful
mum; I would think.  Mum hugged and kissed Little Ryan maybe?  Welcoming
him home?  Tears began running like a waterfall as I dramatically yelped
and cried as I tugged my cock harder and faster.  I was over acting and
acknowledging what I was doing was so humiliating, pathetic and filled with
self loathing.  I was accepting my absolute failure of an existance that it
felt so euphoric.  It only fueled my need for humiliation more and more.

   "Oh!  Oh my god!  Mummy!" I said during my orgasm; my eyes shuddering
wide eyed, "Do you hate me mummy?!  Errrrgggh!  Gaaaaaahh!!"

   White liquid shot forth under me into bottom opening of my computer
desk; I shot so much cum that I hoped I didn't get any on the electric
wires.

   The only time I would come out of my room was when dinner was ready. 
While sitting and eating I would casually glare past Ryan and his facial
expressions.  Little Ryan wouldn't look me in the eye as he smiled content
in a daydream, munching away at the fantastic food my mum made for him and
I.  I would always remain silent on the table while Ryan and Mum would have
a pleasant conversation about school and friends.

   I listened as Ryan would talk about the funny things that went on
between him and his buddies.  I sighed as I thought about my friends. 
Friends I was worried of losing.  Goofy spiky-haired Justin; curley haired
stoner Andrew and sturdy blonde Josh who was rather good at athletics.

   I watched Mum laugh and giggle at the table while listening to his
stories about them.  They both treated me like I wasn't there.  I would
help them by remaining silent.  I was actually quite interested in hearing
about Ryan's more interesting day myself.  Lately I would spend most of my
time away from my group of classmates this last month and spent my time on
the computer lab in the library.  I sighed and walked back to my room with
the thought of knowing I was slowly losing my friends and classmates
respect.

   Ryan and Mum would scoff in disgust if the knew I had a raging erection
during every dinner when they unknowingly were taunting me about their
normal social lives.  Just the fact they that were ignoring me and giggling
together like they were in on some joke I wasn't a part of made me blush in
teary heartbroken agony as I walked away; preparing to masturbate once
again.
   To be continued...