Title: Cierra's Diary: Confessions - Chapter Three

Author: Neko Niece

Keywords: f(16) {Flashback M g(7)} Incest, Petting, Semi-Consent

Summary: 16yo Cierra is confronted by the ramifications of her past.



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A Tale from Cierra's Diary

Confessions 
Chapter Three


   I've never been someone who could cry gracefully.  No silent tears
streaking my face to daintily dab away.  There is nothing beautiful about
the way I cry.  My cheeks get blotchy, my nose gets red and seems to run
nearly as much as my eyes as if there were some sort of perverted race to
see which part of my face could exude the most fluids.  I'm just glad my
mouth never got in on the game.  A lip quiver, I can handle... but
incessant drooling?  Yeah, overboard.  Definitely.

   So by the time I'd cried all the tears I had built up in the last, oh...
four or five hours, I'd gone through nearly all of the napkins from fast
food restaurants that my mother insists on stuffing away in the glove box.
Still feeling dejected, but a little better, I blew my nose a last time
before gathering the white and yellow wads of paper strewn over the car
floor.  With a sigh, I crammed them into the plastic bag that hung from the
emergency brake lever.

   It was still raining and the cool droplets felt good on my hot face as I
stepped from the car.  I closed my eyes and just felt the sensation as the
rain washed the rest of the tears from my cheeks.  I wished things could
just go back to the way they were.  But then again, I never was very good
at making wishes that had a chance of coming true.

   My clothes were quickly fading from damp to outright wet and I supposed
I should go in.  I didn't want to thought.  What really was in there for
me? My mother?  I couldn't even stand to be in the same room any more with
her staring.  And it wasn't just all one expression neither.  Her face
would go from worried to accusing to disappointment and back to worry.

   I knew she was having a hard time adjusting to the fact that not only
wasn't her sweet innocent little girl wasn't so innocent, but could
probably had more experience in giving head that she ever would.

   Ok, yeah that was conjecture.  I really didn't want to know if my mother
could suck a guy off quicker than I did... but still.  Just because it's
hard on her, didn't make it easier for me to accept her emotional turmoil.
Especially when my emotions felt like the egg I tried to cook in the
microwave when I was 6.  Yeah.  My life had exploded, and my emotions clung
to the walls in thick runny goo.

   Coming to that analogy helped me feel slightly better and an amused but
rueful grin twitched at the corner of my mouth.

   Any semblance of a beginning of a smile vanished as passed the threshold
of out house, closing the door behind me.  The familiar smells and sites of
the house weren't comforting at all.  It had the opposite effect.  I felt
like I was an intruder.  The life I'd lived here was really a lie.  My
memories of me playing in the closet or trumping up and down the
staircase... They all belonged to someone else.

   "Is that you honey?" My mom asked as she stepped halfway around the
corner to see from the kitchen.  "If your shoes are wet, be sure to take
them off at the door."

   How many times did she tell me that in my 16 years.  Enough that I knew
it, but perhaps too much that I'd lost caring.  I looked down at my ragged
sneakers.  The Nikes used to be white with bright pink highlights.  Except
now they were mostly a dirty grey.  My left shoe had a hole in the toes big
enough that you could see my acid green and red socks.  I wiggled my toe
through the hole just because I could.  I decided I wasn't taking them off,
yet I still stood on the doormat next to my mother's sandals.

   "Since we didn't go out for lunch, I'm making myself a sandwich, do you
want one?" She asked me in a rather pleasant tone.  Too pleasant.

   Hah!  She blamed me for making her miss lunch.  It didn't surprise me at
all.  I should rather have expected it since everything's my fault.

   "No!" I said harshly as I jumped on he stairs taking them by threes.

   "Cierra?" Mother called after my, but by then I was slamming the door to
my room.  I'd wanted sanctuary, but the feeling that my life was rejecting
me was overwhelming.  I grabbed my Michigan State wind breaker and pulled
it over my head.  I had to get away even if just for a little while.  The
acrylic exterior would keep out most of the rain.  I figured my pants could
stand getting a little wet.

   I took the steps in three strides, bounding back down nearly running
into my mother who was standing at the bottom.

   "Where are you going?" she asked with more that a little annoyance.

   "Out," was my reply as I dodged past her, not giving her the time to
reply.

   "Cierra!  CIERRA!!!" she yelled out after me.  I'd pissed her off, but I
didn't care and slammed the door mid-syllable.  It occurred to me that I
was getting awfully skilled at doing that.

   I thrust my hand deep into my pockets and bent down into the jagged
rain. I half expected the door to fly open and for her to run after me.  I
don't know if I was relieved or let down that the door remained silent as I
stomped across the lawn to the sidewalk.  For a moment I entertained the
thought of going back, but my stubborn nature quickly overruled that
particular notion.

   It had cooled off horridly with the rain and I knew I'd be in for a long
walk, but it was better than being cooped up back there.  Hell, I didn't
even know where I was going yet.  I just knew I had to get out, and with
only a learner's permit, my ratty sneakers were the only way I was going to
get anywhere alone.

   My mind filed through the different places I could go, but none held any
true appeal.  Most of my friends were out.  Since the news came out, I'd
become a recluse outcast.  I was either ignored or worse yet, pitied.  It
was agony to hear the sudden still in a conversation whenever I approached.

   Betrayal.  I guess you really never know who your real friends are until
it's too late.  Of all of them, Becky was the only one that really didn't
treat me any differently.  Unfortunately, she lived on the far side of town
and even as frustrated as I was, I didn't feel like walking hours in the
rain.  Especially when she probably wouldn't even be home yet.

   By the time I'd reached the corner, I'd ruled out everyplace but one. 
The library.  It was only a couple miles away and... God... I could
actually check my email.  I knew I shouldn't but it'd been days.  But just
to keep things safe, I promised myself that I'd check only certain account.

   Feeling better about my decisions, I let me mind wander as each step
came after another, plodding through puddles and avoiding the worms.  It
became a dance of sorts and I loved to dance.  Not professionally, or even
in public mind you.  I just liked to move through the music, letting my
body flow along with the melody.  Mostly I did this alone and in my room,
but sometimes I privileged certain people.  Uncle Marty was one of them.

   "Wanna watch me Uncle Marty?" I'd enthusiastically asked as I bound into
their living room like a summer storm in the desert.  Unexpected and full
of electricity, I threw myself into his lap, crumpling the newspaper he'd
been reading.

   He groaned slightly as I'd knocked the wind out of him and I suppressed
a giggle with mischievous eyes.

   "For goodness sakes Cierra," he said annoyed and tried to rescue the
paper out from under me without tearing it.  "Can't you go find Todd to
play with?  I'm a little tired right now and I'm trying to read."

   I pouted and frowned.  "But Toddy is playing with one of his friends and
they don't want me around them." It was true.  As well as Todd and I got
along, whenever another of his friends came along, I was dumped.  When I
refused to go quietly, I was treated to a harsh round of teasing which
usually resulted in my tearful retreat.

   "Well why don't you watch some TV?" he suggested.

   I shook my head.  "I wanta play with YOU!" I tried staring into his
eyes, but he wasn't having any of it as he surreptitiously avoided looking
at me.  I scrunched up my face in concentration.  I wanted his attention
and he wasn't giving it to me.

   When my Dad left us last summer, I didn't think I ever wanted to be
happy again.  I blamed myself for his leaving and as a result, I also
became very attention orientated to people I attached myself to.  I craved
it and was pretty much willing to pay any price.  When I didn't get it, I
felt the blame feelings come back and got scared they would leave too.

   So I made a decision and gathered the leg of my shorts and pulled them
aside, putting on display my panty clad crotch.  "Uncle Marty LOOK!" I said
incessantly as I wiggled like a miniature earthquake on his lap and making
the paper rustle and shake.

   "Christ Cierra," his voice full of impatience as he let the paper drop.
"Wha-" Only he never finished what he was about to say.  Instead his
startled round eyes dropped to my crotch and I giggled and pulled at the
hem more so that really, both my thighs were visible through the one leg
hole.

   "Cierra," his voice dropped to a whisper as he tugged the material from
my grip and resettled it over me, but not before taking a wistful graze
with his fingers.  "Too dangerous right now.  We can't play that game."

   I grinned hard.  I didn't care, I got his full attention.  That was
enough for me.  "That's ok Uncle Marty," I told him as I knelt in his lap
and put my arms around his neck and put my forehead to his.  "I want you to
watch me."

   I felt his hands on my back and on my butt.  His caresses there always
felt nice and sometimes sent shivers up my back.  "Watch you do what
kiddo?"

   "Dance," I said simply as I leaned back, confident that his hands
wouldn't let me fall off his lap.

   "You want to dance?" he asked back.  "You can't just dance by yourself?"

   I was losing him again.  "Noooooo," I said quickly.  "I want you to
watch.  An if you want we can play your game later," I threw in, sure it
would seal the deal.

   I was right.  He'd been unmercifully hooked.

   "All right sweetheart," he told me as if he were doing me a favor.  "You
do your routine and I'll watch."

   I grinned and kissed him on the cheek before scrambling off his lap.  I
started with a cheerleader pose that I'd seen on TV and launched into a
series of uncoordinated moves as I desperately tried to imitate Britney
Spears as I sung "Baby One More Time," rather unsuccessfully.

   I knew I wasn't really that good, but it was fun anyway and Uncle Marty
seemed to love it especially when I bent over or fell to the floor and
kicked my legs up, so I did plenty of those mainly for his direct benefit.
He clapped and egged me on and I was yelling the parts of the song that I
knew at the top of my voice over and over again until I literally fell over
exhausted and panting.

   My uncle clapped and whistled and I smiled trying to catch my breath
when I noticed there was more than one set of applause.  I picked up my
head to see my mom and Aunt Mary standing in the entryway, laughing.

   I blushed.  It was supposed to have been for my uncle only.  No one
else.

   "That was quite a dance young lady," my mom said with a smile.

   "Thanks," I rang back with a mixture of pleasure and regret along with a
healthy dose of embarrassment.  Laying on my back, I put my elbows under me
to support myself in a half reclining position.

   "Any more?" my aunt asked, and shook my head and took great gasps of air
and flopped back down in mock collapse.

   There was a round of laughter that faded after a few moments.  I risked
a look and only my uncle was left in the room with me and he was slipping
down from his chair to crawl over to where I was laying.  Moments later we
heard the kitchen door open and close as they undoubtedly went out to the
garden to blather on about flowers and vegetables like they did every
Saturday.

   He sprawled out next to me on his side with his head on his fist.  "That
was superb kiddo."

   I beamed.  "You liked it?"

   "I did," he confirmed.  "Know what else I like?"

   I felt aglow and very special under his adoring gaze.  "What?"

   "You," he said simply as his hand began caressing my tummy.

   I just smiled at him and closed my eyes content that he was still paying
attention to me.  Besides, I really was tired and I did promise him the
game after all, so I didn't do anything to stop him.

   The caresses on the tummy soon slipped under my tshirt and I admit that
I did like it when he did that so softly as to barely be touching.  It was
a mixture or tickle and desire to be scratched, and I giggled my pleasure,
scrunching up my body against his hand.

   He held his hand still until I settled back on my back and let go of his
hand so he could do it again.  Twice more he made he burst out in quiet
giggles.  Then on that next time, he went a little further and went under
the waistband of my shorts.  I held my breath, knowing that he would soon
be touching my panties as he'd been doing every chance he got these past
few weekends.  Only this time was different.

   Instead of gliding his fingers down the outside of my panties, his
fingers curled under.  Instinctively my knees came up a bit as both hands
shot to hold his.  I opened my eyes and looked up at him questioningly at
his.  Why was he changing the game now?

   "Shhh baby, it's ok," he reassured me quietly as his other hand rand
through my hair.  "I love you." He then leaned over and kissed me on the
forehead.

   I smiled and reluctantly let go of his hands and dropped my legs.  My
hands stayed down there with the occasional twitch that I had to fight to
stop from grabbing his hand.  I was semi-rigid with worry at what exactly
it might mean, and really didn't even feel his fingers much at all as they
caressed my bare koneko.

   He hastily withdrew his hand when the kitchen door reopened.  How long
they'd been down there, I wasn't sure, but I was sorta relieved it was
over.

   "I love you baby," he whispered to me with another kiss and nuzzle.

   "I love you too, Uncle Marty," I told him squeezing his neck in as big a
bearhug as I could muster.

   "Goodness kiddo," he pretended to choke.  "You're trying to kill me."

   I laughed and jumped to my feet and started to dance and sing again. 
From his angle, he just I knew that he could see up the legs of my shorts.
I didn't care.  He just laid back and enjoyed his show.

   "Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know..." I whispered as my foot
sloshed through what seemed a continuous puddle.  I wasn't even sure that
the library would let me in anymore, considering how wet I was.

   Might as well give it a shot, I shrugged to myself as I carefully
sidestepped another yet worm and cut across the grass to the library
parking lot.



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