The following story contains some explicit sexual material.
Though not blatantly pornographic, reader discretion is advised. Were this a movie, it would probably gain an R rating.
This story was written as an exploration of character and while
it might be considered erotic, the intent was to delve into
the minds of the characters rather than to sexually arouse the
reader. If you are looking for that you should look elsewhere.
However, if you are offended by sexuality, you should look
somewhere else as well.
This story is Copyright 2000, Krystoff Vagabond. It may be
freely redistributed as long as it remains completely intact
and unmodified (including these headers). I welcome comments
and criticism. Please send any thoughts you have on the
story to kvagabond@mailcity.com
You may find other stories of mine at:
/~kvagabond
Take a look and tell me what you think.
-Krystoff
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Felicia: A Love Story
After all these years, I still come back here. After
all this time, I still return once a year, and I will until
the day I die. Every year, the same day. September 17th, the
most important day of my life.
I still remember the first time I walked into this bar.
I was a young man then, but in all these years its still the
same. It's funny looking back and thinking about yourself
when you were young. It's funny to think of yourself in your
twenties. So alive. So vital. So full of hope. I was a young
man then and I was on top of the world. I look back now and
I realize that I had not yet begun to live. The things that
mattered so much then seem to mean so little now.
It was the first time I had been in St. Louis. I was
there on business. It was my first meeting with the Williams
and Company people. The most important thing in my life then
was to get that contract signed. And I knew I was going to
get it signed. I could feel it in my toes. I was only twenty-
seven then. I had only been in business for myself for just
over a year and the Williams and Company contract was the
biggest that I had seen in that time. I was so prepared. I
had researched the company for nearly two months before I
ever even contacted them. I had spent three weeks preparing
that contract. I had rehearsed my introduction thousands of
times on the train to St. Louis. "Hello Mr. Williams. So
nice to meet you, sir." "Hello Mr. Williams. I am very much
looking forward to doing business with you." "Hello, Mr.
Williams. I can't wait to show you how my services can
increase your profits." I was so prepared. I was so ready to
take on the world. Back then, Williams and Company was the
most important thing there was in the world to me. Today,
"Williams" is just a name. I couldn't even tell you what
they did.
Felicia isn't a name. It's so much more. It's music.
It's poetry. It's the very definition of beauty. Nothing on
earth could have prepared me for the first moment I saw her.
There were no words I could have rehearsed. There was no
paperwork I could have filed. There were no reports that
could have debriefed me. Nothing in my twenty-seven years
had prepared me for that moment. The moment she stole my
breath away. I haven't regained it since.
I'd been travelling cheaply to keep my expenses down.
The small motel I was staying in didn't have its own bar so
I had gone across the street to get a drink. I so thought I
needed one. Some naive part of me had honestly believed that
I'd sell Mr. Williams on the retainer in just a few hours at
that first meeting, and it was no small disappointment when
I didn't. I was crushed. Part of me thought I was doomed -
that my entire operation was going to fold, but I knew all I
needed was a scotch to put me back on my feet. That's all I
thought I needed. But I was so wrong.
That moment. The first moment that I learned what
beauty meant. That image will be burned in my mind forever.
Five tiny little fingers. The most perfect fingers that god
had ever created wrapped around a small cocktail glass.
That's all I saw at first. Not breasts. Not legs. Not eyes.
Not even a smile. Just five little fingers wrapped around a
glass. That was all I needed. Ten seconds earlier I would
sworn to God Almighty himself that there was no such thing
as love at first sight. Forty-seven years later and I can
tell you that there is really no other kind.
I didn't talk to her at first. I know it sounds silly,
but for the longest time, I just sat there in my booth,
watching her sip that strawberry daiquiri. It really never
occurred to me to approach her. The moment was just too
perfect. I wanted it to last forever. She was like a
beautiful painting. A graceful ballet. I would sooner have
died than interrupt the performance. I would have laid down
my life before I marred that image.
I didn't die, and the moment didn't last forever. I
honestly don't know how long it lasted. It was probably
several minutes. In my mind, I remember it being days.
Everything else had faded away.
Who made the first move? I don't remember approaching
her; I don't remember her walking over to me. I don't
remember what we spoke about. What I do remember is her
voice. Soft as goose down. Sweet as nectar. I remember being
there for hours as I listened to her talk. Listening to her
voice. Just loving to hear her speak. That night, I thought
that I knew everything there was to know about Felicia
Martinez, but for the forty-three years that followed, I
don't think there was a single day that I didn't learn
something new.
Forty-three years. They seem like ten seconds compared
to the four that I have been through since. But then there
are nights like tonight where I think back and remember, and
each second seems to last an eternity.
I'm back at the motel and I open the door to my room.
Room 317. Our room. A bed the size of the one that I slept
in when I was a child. Wallpaper that faded and turned
yellow decades ago. Two chairs and a table that do not
match. I see the crack in one of the tiny windows that
hasn't been repaired in the two years since I first noticed
it. Tonight, as it has been every September 17th for the
past forty-seven years, this room is the penthouse suite.
I close my eyes and I'm twenty-seven years old, a young
man with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen by my
side. I lead her into the small room and take her coat. She
looks around nervously as I watch her. "Don't worry," I say,
a little unsure of myself. She smiles that crooked little
smile that I have always loved and tells me she's not
worried at all. I know she is because I am too.
I kiss her bare white shoulder very gently as I slide
the strap of her summer dress down. I feel her quiver at the
touch of my breath as she releases a small sigh. Again I
reassure her that everything will be all right as I take
those small perfect fingers in my hand. She squeezes and I
squeeze back. I find her lips with mine and we engage in our
first kiss. My eyes close and I imagine that we are falling
together through the clouds. Hand in hand a smile on both
our faces, falling or soaring, like eagles; I'm not sure
which. But in the sky, the only people alive. This moment -
forever.
We touch down and I open my eyes to find us lying side
by side. She opens her eyes when I pull away my lips. Our
bodies entwined in scandalous fashion, improper for a couple
not yet married. Ten times so for one who only met hours
ago. I notice my hand upon her breast and issue my apology
as I draw it away. "It's okay," she whispers to me as she
tightens her grip behind my neck.
"But," I try to protest once more.
"Shhh it's okay," Felicia whispers again as she
silences me with another kiss.
I've seen a naked woman before. I was seventeen and
Jimmy. Jimmy. I can't remember his last name. Jimmy and I
went to the peep show after school. I remember being
nervous. I remember being almost frightened. I remember
Jimmy laughing at me when my excitement got the better of me
and I ejaculated in my trousers. I remember my confession to
Father Delgado barely an hour later. I remember my apologies
and my prayers to God for forgiveness.
But here and now. Fornication. Premarital sin. And I
know the Lord cannot disapprove. Never had anything in my
life felt so right as holding Felicia's head against my
chest. She sits up and those tiny perfect fingers slowly
fumble with each button on the front of her dress. I have no
words. I dare not even breathe. She takes one last look into
my eyes as I try to tell her she doesn't have to do this.
She closes her eyes and our gaze is broken as she pulls her
dress down and exposes her breasts.
"It's okay, It's okay" she keeps telling me. Reassuring
me that the pain is not too bad. Comforting me the way that
I should be comforting her. "It's okay," she says as I press
our bodies together. Her face betrays her pain. I brush her
cheek and lift away a tear. "I love you, Felicia" I say for
the very first time, and I feel her fingers run through the
back of my hair as we make love till morning.
I still feel her fingers running through my hair. Hair
that I haven't had for over twelve years. I close my eyes
and I still see those slender fingers and those milky white
shoulders, I lie alone, naked in a bed too small for me now
and too small for the two of us then. Alone, but still I
feel her lying here with me.
-Krystoff
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|| /~kvagabond || kvagabond@mailcity.com ||
|| "Booze, sex, prayer -- whatever gets you through the night." ||
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