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   ==================

   Chapter 8: A loss of innocence...

   At a dead run we followed Sarah's screams, stopping only long enough to
gather some large dead-fall tree branches.  We were both expecting trouble.

   Jan was more than a competent runner but I was fast as well.  Still, I
didn't have to hold back to let her keep up - if anything, she pressed me
for the lead.  She seemed to have far more stamina than I, however.  After
5 or 6 minutes I was gasping for breath while she seemed to be breathing
with relative ease.

   After a few minutes of running flat out, we had to ease up as tree
roots, vines and indentations in the earth assaulted our feet while low
hanging branches and brush did the same to the rest of our bodies.  It
didn't help that neither of us knew precisely where to run.  The lush
jungle had grown wild for far too long and our recent entry into this
verdant setting was far too recent to have created any noticeable trails.
Sarah's trek back to the camp could have gone in any of a thousand
directions - though, from the sound of her scream, I knew she wasn't too
far.

   Splitting up to find her had never been considered though I would have
vetoed it if it had.  Individually, the two brothers might be able to stop
us but together it would be far more difficult.  There were strength in
numbers and all that.

   I was just running completely out of breath when we suddenly broke
through the wall of underbrush.  I knew I couldn't go on without a break.
Scratched and cut in a thousand places, I bent forward at the waist with my
hands clutching my legs near my knees.  Air was entering and exiting my
lungs in harsh gasps that seemed to do almost nothing for the dull ache
shooting through my chest.

   After gathering a bit of breath, I looked up.  Looking around, I saw we
were in the clearing which surrounded the lake.  Dense vegetation seemed to
avoid most of this area, though the damned lust-berry bushes grew
abundantly, some of them overlooking the water's edge.  I was somewhat
amazed we hadn't heard the tell-tale sound of the water but I realized our
concern for Sarah as well as the break-neck pace of our run combined with
the sound of our own breath gasping in our ears probably covered that
subtle sound.

   The mere thought of Sarah woke me from my exhausted stupor and I tried
to rise and push on.  Still out of breath, though, I just couldn't manage
to go on any longer.  I needed a few seconds to refresh myself.  I was just
about to grab Jan and stop her from continuing without me when I realized I
didn't need to.  She was stopped dead in her tracks, unmoving, just a few
feet from me.

   I looked up, panting, sweat stinging my eyes, and found myself looking
at Sarah's back not 20 feet away.  She was just standing there, no
movement, her hands clutching at her face and what appeared to be sobs
wracking her body.  I took a step, perhaps two, the only thought in my mind
to make sure she was all right, my only instinct to comfort her...when I
saw where her eyes were focused.

   It was a strange sight; a brownish-gray lump with flecks of red covering
it.  It lay huddled under one of the bushes that Jan and I had examined
earlier that day; one of the bushes whose fruit probably created the liquid
that ignited our lust.  I started towards it though I'm not sure what I was
thinking.  Perhaps the reddish flecks were berries or berry juice -
certainly this was not something Sarah should have been scared of.  True,
as I got closer they kind of looked like blood...

   As I got closer, my stomach heaved of its own volition; I threw up.  The
brownish-gray lump was a body.  There was no doubt the unmoving mass was no
longer alive.

   I don't know how long we stood like that, Sarah and Jan unmoving and me
emptying the contents of my stomach.  It could have been a moment but it
felt like a year or a decade.  I knew, whatever amount of time, I aged 20
years in that moment.  I would never be the same.

   Finally, my stomach still turning over and over, I gathered my courage
and started edging towards the body.  I didn't want to.  I didn't want to
come anywhere near it.  Heck, I was already hoping that this was some kind
of sick dream.  I knew that someone had to do it, however, and whatever was
left of my male machismo wouldn't allow me to let either of the women
perform this task.

   As I approached it, I noticed that the body was male; it was strangely
naked.  Just beyond it, strewn haphazardly over the grass was his clothing.
A single thread of comprehension worked through my shock-addled mind and I
realized that was the reason I had not recognized the body; I wasn't
expecting a naked corpse so my mind only saw a strange lump.  It could not
associate what it was seeing with a naked body - my mind couldn't accept it
so it had rejected it.  I wished I could do the same.

   As I drew even closer, I saw a reddish liquid surrounding it.  As my
stomach threatened to crawl out of my mouth, I prayed the liquid was
something innocuous - like the lust juice the surrounding berry bushes
produced.  The thickness of the substance disproved that theory but I clung
to my prayer to placate my tortured stomach.

   The body was one of the male twins.  In life I had been unable to tell
them apart.  In death, nothing had changed.  His staring eyes were open,
half buried into the soft earth with flecks of dried blood around the
corners.  Even his nose and mouth had small dried rivulets of blood.  'Not
enough to kill,' I thought dispassionately, incomprehensible fear driving
my emotions deep within my psyche, 'but seemingly out of place'. 
Strangely, he looked almost at peace - almost happy.  His head was
half-turned up to me so I could only see part of his mouth - but it looked
weirdly like he was smiling.  I half-expected him to stand and laugh at me
- some strange joke that he and his brother had played.  Nothing alive,
however, could be that still.

   He was slumped on his chest, his legs tucked underneath him.  His arms,
too, were curled under him with his hands tucked under his chin.  With his
body in that position, his ass was sticking up - and one look at the
massive amounts of caked blood surrounding that orifice explained to me how
he had died.  For some unfathomable reason, his anal cavity had ruptured
and he had bled to death.

   I had never seen a fresh body before.  I had never even been near one. I
had, however, learned rudimentary first aid skills during my enlistment in
the Navy.  Perfunctorily, my hands trembling, I reached for the carotid
artery shallowly buried in his neck sure of what I must find but needing to
go through the motions anyway.  I needn't have bothered - as I feared,
there was no pulse.

   As I stood, I wondered who or what could have done this.  'An animal,
maybe,' I thought to myself, 'Some kind of wild beast that we must now
learn to avoid.' For a few moments, I clung to this theory; half-hope and
half-rationalization.  Even in my dazed condition, however, I wasn't able
to bring myself to believe it.  No animal I had ever heard of would reach
in and rip a man's colon.  No, whomever had done this had to be human.  But
who?

   My thoughts immediately turned towards Sam but I knew that she was in no
condition to do this.  'Maybe she told the other girls' I thought.  'Maybe
they ganged up on him.' I couldn't think of how they would have been able
to do this without him running away, however.  Even if they had somehow
managed this feat, there should have been more signs of a struggle, more
signs of him fighting for his life.  Instead, he almost looked like he had
enjoyed his last moments.  It was unnerving, but he looked at peace.

   And where was his brother?

   At that thought I began looking around, trying to make sure there was
only the one body.  To my immeasurable relief, however, no other appeared
to my eyes.  I was both comforted and perplexed; surely this boy's brother
wouldn't have abandoned him this way.  He should be here, shouldn't he? 
Unless...what if he had been dragged away?

   Looking closely, though, I could still find no sign of any type of
struggle.  Nothing met my eyes that looked like another body being dragged
away or another person being pulled away.  I couldn't even find the murder
weapon...or a trail of blood showing where the weapon and killer or killers
had gone.  Maybe I had been watching too many murder mysteries but there
should have been some clue as to who had done this - the why, I felt, was
fairly self-evident.

   'He was a rapist,' I heard echoing through the corners of my mind.  'He
deserved to die.'

   Confronted with the evidence of that verdict, I shuddered away from the
thought.  I had never been a pacifist - how could I have been, enlisted in
the Navy - but I could not bear the interminable finality of this death. 
He was only a boy.  He should not be dead.

   "Is he..." Jan's voice, already a whisper, trailed off into nothingness.
Just from the tone, I could tell she already knew the answer but needed me
to confirm it.

   "He's dead," I announced, my voice sounding cold and hollow even to my
own ears.

   "H-h-how?" Sarah stammered unable even to formulate a sentence.

   I didn't know what to say to that.  I didn't want to tell them but my
mind couldn't manage to fabricate a convincing story.  For a moment, I
hesitated.  I was caught between the truth and a lie - what I felt I had to
do and what I felt I should do.  In the end, my mind betrayed me and no
tale would come.

   "It looks like someone sodomized him with a stick," I said, my tone
matter-of-fact.  It had to be, inside I was straining not to break down all
together.  "Whoever or whatever it was must have punctured his anal cavity
and...he bled out."

   Both women gasped at that, their eyes shocked and maybe a little
outraged.  I could almost see their minds working, trying to determine who
could have done such a thing.  To that question, however, I had no answer.

   "We need to get back to camp," I said decisively.  "Whoever did this may
be after the other twin - or maybe after the girls." I started walking
towards our beach camp.

   "What...what if...what if it's one of the girls?" Sarah managed, fear
tingeing her words.

   "Then they'll be trying to get rid of the evidence," I muttered grimly.
"And we'll need to catch them in the act."



   I can only imagine what the three of us must have looked like ?  me
stalking out of the forest with Jan and Sarah following timidly behind.  My
backward glances at the two women during our short hike to the camp had
shown me that they were visibly shaken.  I'm sure that the idea of
punishing Alex and Tony had crossed their minds...but not like this.  The
truth ended up being so much more devastating than whatever vile fantasies
any of us had imagined.

   As I marched, I did a quick head count and felt a small tingle of relief
flow over me when I reached 16.  All of the girls were here, then...but
there was no sign of the remaining twin.  My relief vanished within
minutes, however.  The look on all of their faces was one of confusion,
worry and a strange kind of fear.

   "What's the matter?" I called as soon as I came within speaking
distance. Even to my own ears, my voice sounded hollow, cadaverously cold.
I was nearing my breaking point; there was only so much I could stand
before I collapsed all together?and that point was here.  Still, I had to
know.  Had they seen something?  Had they seen the monster that was
responsible for that poor boy's death?  Or had one of them found the body?
Was one of them responsible?

   The world around me had somehow become so much less colorful.  This
beach become so much less the paradise I had once imagined it to be.  It
seemed that even here, even in a land that was so close to perfection, the
addition of humans had brought the curse of humanity: we had brought murder
with us.

   I still wanted to believe that it had been some kind of animal that had
killed the twin but I knew better.  It had to have been a human being, but
whom?  I knew our earlier reconnaissance of the island hadn?t been very
thorough; had we missed some people?  Were there others living here; others
who could have committed this vile act?  No matter what the boy had done,
who could have tossed his life away so callously?

   Perhaps one or more of these girls held the answers to my questions.

   "Mikey!" Jamie yelled, tears coursing down her face.  "I was so
worried...after...after..." Her arms grabbed me tightly, her face buried
against my chest.

   "After what, Jamie?" I asked hollowly, my arms reflexively clutching her
just as tightly.  I was so relieved that my sister was all right that I
could only hold onto her.  In the warmth of her embrace, I was able to pull
myself together, if only momentarily.  Nothing, however, could allow me to
forget the image of that poor, dead teen left lying on the bank of our
lake. The questions, though, continued to haunt me.  Had Jamie been
involved?

   "Alex...Alex came running out of the woods screaming and he was covered
in blood and I thought...I thought..."

   Alex?  Blood?  Had he been attacked?  If it wasn't one or more of the
girls attacking him, then what could have hurt him and killed Tony??

   "Where's Alex?" I demanded, fear making my voice hard.

   "He ran up to the bluff," Jamie started.  "We started going up after him
but he threw rocks at us.  He was crying and said he'd kill us if we came
any closer.  We didn't know what to do...we were so worried about the three
of you...so we came back here.  We were just putting together a search
party to go look for you guys when you came out of the forest."

   The last of her words were said to my back as she struggled to catch up
to me.  I had already turned towards the bluff and the answers to at least
some of my questions.

   "Jamie, stay at the camp.  Keep everyone at the camp," I called behind
me, my voice stern.  I wanted to do this alone.E If there was any danger, I
would face it.

   "How come I have to stay but Jan and Sarah get to go?" she shouted, her
voice angry.

   I turned to find Jan and Sarah right on my heels.  I looked a stern
warning at them.

   "No." The word wasn't a question nor even a statement.  It was a
command. "Stay here.  I'll tell you what I find out."

   "Like hell," Sarah replied, her eyes blazing.

   "Sarah...Jan...stop.  I don't want either of you to get hurt." I
strained to push some reasonableness into my voice.

   "Same here," Jan remarked.  "We don't want you to get hurt either...so
we're going." She walked past me.

   I looked a question into the heavens, wondering why God or the universe
or whatever had saddled me with such head strong women, then turned my eyes
earth-ward and confronted my sister.

   "Jamie...please..." I started, my voice pleading.  I could already see
her green eyes growing as hard as stone.  "I don't have time to explain, so
please trust me.  This could be very dangerous and I don't want to see you
get hurt.  Please.  Please go back to camp."

   I could see that she didn't want to...but her protest died without ever
finding voice.  "Be careful, okay?" she whispered.  I knew how much the
acquiescence cost her.  "I don't think I could stand to lose you again."

   Before I could answer she turned and ran back to camp.

   I finally caught up to Jan and Sarah just as we were reaching the summit
of the bluff.  No rocks had been heaved at us but whether that was because
Alex didn't hear us coming, was already dead or just didn't care I couldn't
tell.  If Alex had seen Tony?  I couldn?t continue that line of thought as
the face of Jamie was transposed on that body we had found.  If it had been
me, if I had come across Jamie?s body like that, I don?t know what I?d do.
I don?t know how I?d react; how I?d find the strength to continue on.  And
Alex, he must have found his twin like that or, maybe, even worse, he had
seen how his twin had died.  What would that do to him?

   We found him sitting at the edge of the cliff with the water crashing
far below, sobs wracking his body, his feet dangling dangerously over the
edge.

   I noticed immediately the blood.  His legs were caked with it and even
some of his torso was splattered with the congealed mass.  But were they
from his wounds or his brothers?  At this point, I couldn't tell.

   "Alex," I called, my voice out of breath.  The steep climb up the bluff
had winded me coming so soon after the run that had?.I quickly closed that
line of thought before it reached its conclusion.  "Are you...okay? 
Come...come away...from there...and we...can talk."

   He turned to us slowly, his eyes red with his tears and an almost
inhuman grief covering his face.  A half-hidden hope that he had not come
across his twin's body died within my breast.  The face before me said it
all.  He _KNEW_.  It only remained to find out just how much he knew.

   "Go away, cavron," he muttered at me through his agony.

   "Alex," I said, sitting on the trail's edge as it met the top of the
bluff.  I looked at Jan and Sarah and they sat beside me.  I needed to be
very careful; the teen sitting in front of us was teetering on the brink of
insanity and I knew that my words could send him in either direction.  I
needed to be calm.  I needed to be convincing.  I needed to save this boy.
"What happened?  Tell me what happened."

   "What the fuck do you care, capit...n?" he shouted at me.  "What does it
matter anymore?  Mi hermano es muertŠ.  He's dead.  My brother...my brother
is dead.  I might as well be dead."

   "No!" I pleaded with him.  I knew that there was no way I could stop him
from thinking about death - not after what he must have seen.  I needed
somehow to reassure him; to reaffirm his life.  I needed to be
understanding.  Supportive.  "I know how you feel.  I lost my parents when
I was young.  You're hurting inside, man.  You feel like the world is
caving in.  It isn't.  You can get through this.  Tony would want you to
get through this."

   At mention of his brother, his face contorted in rage but I could see
the pain and suffering behind that mask of anger.  For the briefest of
moments, his face went slack.  When he raised his visage to me again it had
become almost calm and his eyes glittered like agates.  "Tell me something,
Mikey," he hissed over the sound of the water far below, his use of my
nick-name a sign of hostility rather than camaraderie.  "Did you kill your
parents?"

   I looked at him, stunned and confused.  Why would he ask that?  What
possible reason...  I felt a strange mixture of disbelief and understanding
cross my features.  With a horrible certainty, I suddenly knew what had
happened.

   "No...No...I..." I stuttered.  I needed to buy myself time.  I
desperately needed to process what I had surmised.  My mind went blank from
the horror of what I now knew.

   "Then you have no idea what the hell I'm feeling!" he howled at me.  "I
killed Tony...I killed my brother...I couldn't stop it...."

   "Couldn't stop what, Alex?" I questioned, still trying to buy some time
while wrapping my head around the enormity of it all.  Even to my ears,
however, my voice betrayed me and echoed the horror I was suddenly feeling.
I tried with all my soul to convince myself that I was wrong.  I tried
desperately to convince myself that Alex could not have killed his twin. 
Maybe a bear had attacked and he couldn't keep the bear away, I theorized.
Maybe that's why he feels responsible.  I clung to that hope, clung to that
image as I faced the grieving young man.

   "Yeah...yeah, you would want to know, wouldn't you?" he hissed at me. 
"Gotta know everything, don't you el capit...n?  Fine...you want to know?
You fucking want to know, you son of a whore??  I'll tell you....I'll
fucking tell you...

   "Myself.  I couldn't stop myself.  After Tony and I left you, after that
punta beat us with that fucking rama, we ran down to the lake.  We were
hurting - she hit Tony between the legs so hard he could barely walk and
she hit me in the neck and head - so we stayed at the lake to bandage
ourselves.

   "At first, we were gonna go back and teach you three a lesson...but then
I had the plan.  Why settle for the two old bitches when we could have 10
or 15 tight young pussies?  They were just waiting for us to pluck them,
just waiting for us back at the camp.

   "Tony was scared though...because she," he thrust his chin toward Jan.
"Was able to ward us off...she didn't spread like she was supposed to. 
'What if it doesn't affect everyone?' Tony said.  'What if it's getting
weaker?'

   "That's when I had the idea.  I figured the water was diluting it...if
the juice mixed with the water wasn't strong enough we'd just have to get
them to eat the berries.  Tony, though...he was still worried.  'What if
the berries don't work?' So we decided to test them.  We'd have one berry
each and if they didn't work we'd come up with some other plan or maybe
just teach you a lesson after all."

   By now, I could almost feel the story moving towards its inexorable
conclusion and I knew how it was going to end.  Irrationally, I wanted to
stop him from speaking.  Some part of me believed that if he didn't say the
words then they would never have actually happened.  We'd wake up and find
this was all just a terrible nightmare.  With a morbid fascination, though,
I couldn't stop him...in a strange way I actually needed to hear the rest.

   "So we ate one...and nothing happened.  The berries, though.  They
tasted muy bueno...delicious.  I ate more...I couldn't stop myself. 
Neither could Tony.  We started picking them and eating them; half of the
ones we picked we started putting into two of the empty water gourds. 
After a few minutes, though, we started feeling funny.  Strange.  I started
sweating and I got so hot...like I was on fire.  I didn't understand; I
started taking my clothes off.  My heart was beating harder and faster,
too. I felt like I was dying.  My heart was pounding so hard, I thought it
was going to pop out of my chest.  I looked over to Tony and he was
jerking...he was having some kind of seizure...and I thought I was going to
too.  I needed to get up, to run, to escape.

   "My dick, though...as I struggled to get up I noticed that it got harder
than it ever had before and I needed...I needed.  I had to use it.  My
balls felt so full that they hurt.  I could barely stand they hurt so bad,
but I started to walk towards camp...feeling the pain every step...knowing
that I was about to die...all I could think about, though, was fucking.  I
no longer cared about dying as long as I died fucking.  Fucking until I
came...my dick was almost painful.

   "I didn't take but a few steps, though...when I saw Tony.  He was still
shaking and sweat was pouring out of him.  It looked like he had just
gotten out of the shower, he was sweating so bad.  He turned to me and said
that he was dying...and I saw tears of blood coming from his eyes and
nose...and mouth.  He was still taking off his clothes trying to get cool.
He was...he was...on his knees...his hands tugging at his pants," Alex
broke off into sobs, guilt briefly giving pause to his tale.  "When his
butt came into view...I couldn't...I didn't...it was all I could see...I
saw that...that...hole...and I needed it.  I grabbed his hips and shoved
myself home."

   As Alex broke into another round of sobs, I didn't know what to say.  I
could only look around me in horror, praying to find someone else to take
this ?  someone else who could listen to this so I wouldn?t have to...but
both Jan and Sarah were as horror-stricken as I.  None of us knew what to
say or what to do.

   "I grabbed his hips," Alex continued from the edge of the bluff.  His
voice was worn and guilt-ridden...and we all now knew why.  We could hide
behind our made up stories and inferred truths no longer.  "I plunged all
the way in on the first stroke...but the sick thing is...I knew what I was
doing.  I knew who I was doing it to...and I wanted to do it.  I wanted to
share my love with my brother...and I couldn't stop myself.

   "He started saying things to me...things like...like...that he felt
better.  He stopped shaking, too.  He said he was enjoying it that maybe he
wouldn't die after all.  He kept telling me to go deeper, to thrust harder.
He kept telling me that I was helping him, helping the pain to go away.  He
kept saying he loved me and that this was how we were supposed to show it.
And every word...every phrase...it seemed so right.  It seemed like he was
echoing what I was thinking.  And each sound drove me on and I kept
thrusting harder and harder...and faster and faster...I came once, twice,
so many times I lost count...but I didn't even slow down.  I could not slow
down...I could not stop."

   He was sobbing hard now, guilt-ridden sobs wracking his body in
pain-filled spasms.  "I don't know how long it was...I had come maybe
twenty or thirty times I think and each was more glorious than the last. 
That was when I looked down where my dick was joined to mi hermano...and I
saw all the blood.  It was...it was...everywhere.  All over my legs.  All
over my dick...I saw it coated with blood and I wanted to cut it off...to
get rid of it...but the blood...it was everywhere."

   The story broke off as he succumbed to his grief.  Sitting there,
watching his shoulders shake as sobs tore through him...I could no longer
find the strength to hate him.  I could only feel pity for this poor boy.
No matter what he had done, he didn?t deserve this.  Neither of the boys
deserved this.

   "It wasn't your fault, Alex," I started but he cut me off immediately.

   "Fuck you!" he screamed.  "It was my fault.  All of it.  I found that
damned jugo de fruta and figured out what it was.  Tony and I...we made
love to each other on that juice.  We had thought many times of giving each
other pleasure...but we're Catholics and it isn't allowed.  On that jugo
though...we couldn't say no to each other.  I came up with the idea to use
it on Sarah and then on Samantha; Tony tried to talk me out of it.  He
tried to tell me it was wrong.  He tried to tell me that Dios would punish
us...but I made him go through with it anyway.  I came up with the
plans...Tony just followed along.  And Dios, He punished us.  Oh how he
punished us!  Tony always followed me, even to the wrath of God.  Well this
time, it is I who must follow."

   No more tears came from his eyes as he turned to me.  A calmness shown
through his grief as he looked at me.  I started to rise, knowing that the
moment had come and knowing I had to do something...anything...to stop him.
"Don't eat the berries," he said to me quietly.  Then he slid from view.

   I was not fast enough to catch him.



   None of our eyes were dry as we climbed down from the bluff.

   I felt guilty; I felt I had somehow failed both Alex and Tony.  Maybe if
I had just watched them or maybe if I had talked to
them...something...anything...maybe I could have avoided this.  I just
wanted to sit down and crawl into a hole and never come out.

   I knew I couldn't, though.  The girls needed me.  They were counting on
me to keep them together until we could be rescued.  The weight of their
need outweigh the measure of my guilt.  The weight of their expectations
felt almost tangible as we walked back to the camp.  For me, though, rescue
no longer held the allure it once did.  No matter how long I lived, I knew
that I would see Alex and Tony's faces staring up from the dark pit of my
soul.

   We barely said anything to one another on the way back.  What could we
say?  Jan, Sarah, and I were each in our own worlds trying to deal with our
grief - and, at least in my case, the guilt - in our own ways.  Walking
slowly, trying desperately to either absorb or forget everything that had
happened to us in the past few days, we had made it about half way to our
beach camp when Jamie came running up to us, screaming.
   "Mikey!  Come quick!  There's something wrong with Beth!"