Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Title: The White Rose Crisis Ch.  04


Summary: Will learns an important lesson in fighting for love.


Keywords: inc,fic





   Part 4: the Legacy of Love

   ---

   I followed Auntie Ellie back around the side of the house, away from her
daughter Lucy's bedroom window and the location of my shameful
masturbation. Before we reached the front however she held her hand up to
stop me.

   "You wait here," she said sternly.  "Stay hidden and stay quiet." She
left and I heard her unlocking the front door, shutting it slowly behind
her.

   I waited quietly around the corner from the door, my stomach churning
from stress, humiliation, and fear.  So it was my aunt after all.  It
concerned me that she was so on top of the situation, but what concerned me
even more was how this whole fiasco was affecting my state of mind.  I
dreamed of getting my little sister pregnant and I was jerking off while
spying on my cousin having sex with another girl.  Something had happened
that day at my big sister's wedding; it was changing me, and I didn't like
how out of control I was.

   Until I accidently slept with a member of my family I was a normal
person, no thoughts of incest whatsoever.  Now I didn't know what I was,
only that I was slowly going crazy, driven to the edge of paranoia, my
obsession with finding out who owned the white rose I had picked up from my
anonymous lover torturing me every second of every day.  Now, however, it
seemed my search was over, and I didn't know what to think.

   So I waited.  A few minutes passed and the silence of my thoughts was
broken as I heard the front door open again.  I shrank back into the
shadows as my cousin Lucy left the house with Taylor, giggling as they got
into Lucy's car and headed off to who knows where.  Auntie Ellie had
obviously told them to go have fun somewhere else, probably pretending not
to know the kind of racy naked fun they had been having before we arrived.
Thirty seconds after they left I heard footsteps and Auntie Ellie, now
changed into a casual loose fitting top and skirt, came around the corner.

   "Come in, Will.  Lucy and Taylor will be out for a while.  That way we
can be alone." Knowing what the topic of discussion would be I felt a
little apprehensive about being alone in a big comfortably warm house with
just me and Auntie Ellie, but I followed her inside and tried to clear my
head.

   Auntie Ellie moved into the loungeroom and patted the seat of the couch,
gesturing me to sit.  I did, and she took the seat across the room from me,
crossing her legs gently and resting her hands in her lap.  I tried not to
stare at her at all, not at her face, or her lips, or her chest or her
legs, and definitely not at her lap.

   "I know you must be feeling very...confused," she said.

   "That's an understatement."

   "I also know you probably haven't had anyone to confide in or talk to
about your problem, which can destroy a person from the inside." She went
on.

   "How do you know?" I asked her.

   I know all about incest, Will," she said matter-of-factly.  "More than
you probably will ever understand.  I've had a long time to deal with it --
incest might be new to you, but it isn't to me." I was stunned at how well
she seemed to be dealing with me.  I had no words, so we just stared at
each other across the room, one-time lovers, lifelong family members, mired
in a place that most of the world didn't think should ever exist. 
Eventually I was able to ask one simple question.

   "How?" Auntie Ellie smiled.

   "You know that Lucy's father left me for good when she was still young."


   "Yeah...just after Amy was born, Mum said...she never even met him."

   "Well, it wasn't the first time he walked out on me.  We had our
problems earlier, and he left before Lucy turned one.  Later on he came
back and for her sake we tried again, eventually to no avail.  I knew in my
heart he wasn't the man I loved.

   "You see, Will, there was a period after he left where I was completely
on my own, raising a child at such a young age myself, lost, confused, and
lonely.  I needed support.  I needed someone I loved, and someone who loved
me.  The truth is, well, when I didn't have Lucy's father...I had my
brother."

   ---

   I was only sixteen when I met first Lucy's father, Jordan.  It was
awkward and maybe it shouldn't have happened the way it did, and I won't go
into all of the details, but when I turned eighteen we had Lucy.  Please
know, Will, that I loved Lucy, I never regretted her, even if her entry
into this world was not ideal by any means.  I also loved her father, or I
thought I loved him, but I also knew there was something missing from my
life, as well as our relationship, something we never found in each other.
At the time, though, I had no idea what it was.

   In the end, what drove us apart for good was as much about the things I
did to fill that missing something as it was about the fact that we never
found it in each other to begin with.  What some people might call a
mistake, a story of lost love and sadness, was actually what helped me
realise what I was truly missing from myself.

   Let me be clear: we were separated at the time, Jordan and I.  It was so
long ago...you would have been only around three, and Sarah four.  Jordan
was twenty five -- so several years difference between us, and I think it
got to him a little.  I became used to parenting fairly quickly, even at a
young age, but Jordan just didn't manage it.  As a parent he couldn't cope
with the responsibility, as a partner he was never there for me when I
needed him, and as for our sex life?  Well, it hadn't started back up
straight away, and when it did things were, I don't know...awkward, I
guess. I had always had an appetite for sex, which is probably what got me
in trouble with Lucy in the first place.  But Jordan was stressed all the
time, and one day it all got too much for him, and that's when everything
started to change...

   "Please don't do this, Jordan, I know it's been hard but we can make it
work!"

   "I can't do it, Ellie, I just can't okay!  My father still won't talk to
me, I'm in trouble again at work..."

   "Surely they understand you're raising a child, and your father will
have to come round, he just doesn't understand --"

   "Don't talk about my father that way!  He doesn't have to understand!"

   What's that supposed to mean??  I thought we were in this together, I
thought we were a team --"

   "How can I expect you to get it?  You spend all day at home or with your
family while I --"

   "That's not fair!  This is just as hard on me as it is on you!"

   "MY JOB KEEPS US ALIVE!"

   "AND I KEEP OUR DAUGHTER ALIVE!  Or did you forget why we're here in the
first place!  Jordan!  JORDAN!  Come back Jordan!" I watched in agony as
the father of my child slammed the door to our tiny apartment and walked
out of my life.  I didn't know where he was going, nor that he wouldn't be
coming back that night.  But Lucy had begun to cry in her room and I busied
myself tending to her.  I was doing the best I could for an eighteen year
old mother, but it was never enough.  That night I cried myself to sleep,
my tears streaming out silently as my baby, the most beautiful thing in my
life, slept soundly in her crib.

   The next morning I took Lucy to my mother's house, after waking up and
finding no sign that Jordan had come home.  Father was at work, but mother
wasn't alone; my older brother Ben was there.  Ben was twenty two, four
years older than me.  He was the exact same height as me and we had similar
coloured hair, but where mine was far more red his was far more brown, and
he had darker blue eyes.  He wasn't a terribly large boy, but then he
wasn't exactly what you would call scrawny either.

   Ben had helped me through my pregnancy when Jordan wasn't sure what to
do and had spent a lot of time with his niece Lucy since she had been born,
helping with the babysitting whenever he could.  He had always looked out
for me when we were growing up, and now that our sister Mary had moved out
of home, gotten married and was busy raising you and Sarah I didn't see her
as much as Ben anymore.

   "I'm sure he'll come around," Mum was saying about Jordan, as she sat
with Lucy in her arms.  She was obsessed with Lucy, and thrilled that I had
decided to keep the baby even if I was a young mum.  It seemed having only
two grandkids from Mary wasn't enough for her!

   "What if he doesn't, mum...what if he never comes back?"

   "For all his faults Jordan doesn't seem like the kind of man to walk out
completely," Mum scolded, gently tucking Lucy's wayward arms into a
blanket. "The stress of becoming a parent in such a short span of time can
be a little...overwhelming, shall we say.  It's only been ten months or so,
not counting the pregnancy, and that's a very short span of time for
something so tiring.  Your father -- as good as he is -- had his moments,
and I wanted to leave a few times when we first started out.  But we
persevered, and eventually we found something we both needed in each other.
Balance," she said quietly.  "That is the key to happiness." She gave me a
smile and stared down at her granddaughter, fast asleep in her arms.

   I wanted to find balance so badly, but no matter what I did I couldn't
see how Jordan and I could make it work.  Feeling dejected, I walked out
into the backyard where I had spent so many hours with my brother and
sister and sat on the grass, wondering how I could ever be happy again.  I
felt like even if he came back and became everything I needed, there would
still be something missing.  Flopping onto my back on the grass I stared up
at the clouds, calming myself down and trying to take comfort in knowledge
that my family would always be there supporting me, even if Jordan wasn't.

   "Daydreaming again?" came a voice.  I looked up at my brother and gave
him a half smile, hoping he wouldn't see the pain hidden behind the look.
The problem with Ben is he always knew how I was really feeling.

   "I thought I smelled trouble," I said to him.  My brother Ben sat on the
grass and lay down beside me, shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the sky.

   "I heard about Jordan," he said quietly.  "I'm sorry, Ellie." I didn't
say anything back at first, more because I didn't know what I could even
say about it.  I just took his hand and he gave it a squeeze, and we lay in
silence for a little while.  Eventually I realised what I really cared
about now that Jordan wasn't there.

   "Lucy will ask about him," I said to Ben.  "I don't know what I'll say
if he isn't around for her.  I don't know what to do." Against my will I
started to tear up.  The pressure of looking after Lucy on my own was
really getting to me.  Ben turned and looked at me, giving me a serious
gaze.

   "I don't know what he's thinking, leaving a girl like you," he said
seriously.  I looked back at him, surprised slightly by his tone.  My
brother always stood up for me, but now he seemed insulted by Jordan's
actions.

   "I'll be ok."

   "That's not good enough, and you know it...I'll stay with you," he said
suddenly.  I raised my eyebrows and smiled at my brother.

   "You really want to stay and help me raise a tiny poop machine?"

   "If I have to, to make sure you're ok..." I laughed and gave him a big
hug, wondering how I got such an amazing brother.

   "Ben, I should warn you I look a mess in the mornings, even worse than
when I was pregnant."

   "You looked beautiful when you were pregnant." I glanced at Ben but my
brother had gone red and turned away, and while I planned on teasing him
about it later, I had no idea that was the first sign of things to come.

   ---

   Two weeks went by, and Ben had been staying almost every day to help me
with Lucy.  He had a part-time job at a hardware supply store that paid
relatively well, and when he wasn't there he was at my apartment, helping
cook or clean and babysitting while I took care of other business.  Lucy
was able to have a combination of breastmilk and solid food, so Ben was
able to manage on his own for a few hours until I got home and took over
for him.  There was something really special about coming home to him every
day, or being there waiting for him to finish work.  In fact, the only
awkward detail was the sleeping arrangement.

   Because we had a small place there was only one bedroom, and only one
bed.  Ben had been content to sleep on the small couch in the one living
space we had on the nights he decided to stay over, but with winter setting
in I wasn't happy about the temperature of that room at night, so after
much arguing I convinced him to sleep in my room on the floor, where I
could turn on the heater to keep us warm.  Of course, there wasn't a lot of
floor free in there because Lucy's cot took up a lot of space too, which
made it a bit of a fuss in the mornings trying to get everyone changed and
while maintaining some modesty.  Still, I was happier having him there than
freezing in the lounge room.

   The only other slightly awkward bit was breastfeeding Lucy.  I didn't
have the largest chest, but they'd gotten much bigger after Lucy came out
and weren't changing yet, but I think Ben felt a little odd when I
blatantly lifted my shirt and took them out for a feed.  For the most part
he just averted his gaze, but it was a regularly occurring situation and it
did make conversation harder when he was looking away from me.  I told him
it was just a breast, but he simply went red in the face when I said it.  I
had no idea why...not yet anyway.

   One particularly cold night Ben came home after working late into the
evening.  He walked in half-frozen with a limp and was shaking like mad.

   "My God!" I yelled when he came through the door.  "What happened?"

   "Nothing, some heavy items slipped off of a shelf, that's all, nothing
broken, just some bruising." I helped pull his coat off and I could tell he
was in pain.

   "Well get in here and warm up will you??" I pushed him straight to the
bathroom and started the shower, getting the hot water running for him.  It
was pretty much the only sure fire way of warming up in this place.  I
turned around saw him struggling to get his jumper up and off.

   "You really got hit hard, didn't you?" I said sympathetically.  I helped
lift his jumper and shirt and saw dark purple bruising on his right side,
across his ribcage and down to his hip, which explained his difficulty in
moving.

   "Oh Ben," I gasped, my hand covering my mouth.  He winced but pulled the
jumper away, tossing it on the floor and shrugging.

   "It's just a bruise.  I'll be fine."

   "No you won't, this is awful!" But Ben pushed me away.

   "Ellie I'll manage.  Seriously."

   "Ok...well if you need help you call me ok?" I left him alone and closed
the bathroom door, tending to Lucy who was playing in her crib.

   A few minutes later I heard the shower turn off, and got dinner ready to
serve up, but fifteen minutes went by and Ben didn't come out of the
bathroom.  A little concerned, I softly knocked on the door.

   "Ben?"

   "Yeah...yeah Ellie, I'm here."

   "Are you ok in there?"

   "I um...I'm just having a bit of trouble drying off, I'll be ok..."

   "What do you mean?  Is it the bruising?"

   "It's fine, I'll just drip dry."

   "Nonsense, dinner's getting cold and if you're just standing there
you'll freeze to death before you're even close to dry.  I'm coming in."

   No wait Ellie don't -- " but I pushed open the door and poked into the
bathroom.  Ben was standing there with the towel draped over one shoulder,
hanging down to cover his extremities.  All down the right hand side of his
body were big purple bruises, from his ribs to his knee.

   "Oh my God!" I exclaimed.  "No wonder you're having trouble!" Ben
shrugged, then winced when the movement tweaked his muscles.

   "I'll get it, this is already more than a little embarrassing Ellie,
just let me deal with it."

   "No...that's not fair.  You take care of me everyday," I said firmly. 
"Now let me take care of you." I grabbed my own towel and started wiping
his shoulders, giving his hair a rub since he obviously couldn't lift his
arms properly to do it himself.  I turned him around and rubbed down his
back, trying not to stare at my brother's bare butt as my hands got lower.
I turned him back around again, and now I started to feel a little
embarrassed.

   "Ok, now your legs," I said, kneeling down and trying not to blush too
red.  I towelled his feet and shins, completely wet still since he clearly
couldn't lean over right, then up to his knees on both legs while he tried
to hold his own towel over his midsection to maintain his modesty. 
Unfortunately, he was still quite wet and needed to be properly dried.

   "Ben...I need to do your hips and upper legs," I said sheepishly.  Ben
groaned.

   "I'm sure I can do it, I'm already fairly dry there," he said, feebly
trying to manoeuvre the towel across his body, but his right side twitched
and he closed his eyes, hissing in pain.  I was beginning to wonder how his
ribs weren't broken.

   "Come on, it has to be done," I said quietly.  With delicate hands I
used the towel to try his thighs, moving very slowly from outside to inside
on one leg, then the other as he moved his own towel around.  Eventually I
moved up higher and, with a very apologetic look, glanced up at him.  Ben
groaned, turning red, and stubbornly refused to move his towel.

   "Come on, Ben...let's just get it done ok?" I said.  "Just...turn your
head and cough, you know?  I won't look." Ben looked off into space with
bright red cheeks, and grudgingly allowed my hand to move his towel aside.
I turned away so I could only see his thigh in my peripheral, then gingerly
moved the towel up to dry off his groin.

   I couldn't see what I was doing, but I knew enough about male anatomy to
figure it out.  First I felt something soft, small, and very delicate, so I
lightly dabbed with the towel and tried not to squeeze, and then my hand
touched something that was long and definitely hard.  Blushing madly, I
rubbed the towel extremely quickly over him and moved to his hips and the
top of his thighs, drying around his clearly erect cock without paying it
any attention.

   "There," I said, dropping the towel and keeping my eyes averted.  "Not
so bad right?"

   I saw Ben's head turn back down to look at me out of the corner of my
eye, heard him mutter "shit" under his breath and he quickly turned away
with his towel back in place, covering his hard-on.  I picked up his
underpants and held them out to him.

   "I'll need to help with these too, I imagine," I said quietly.  With
another groan Ben moved forward to step into them and I pulled them up,
trying again to avoid contact with his extremities as much as feasible and
blushing as my hand brushed his butt cheeks.  Then I grabbed his pants and
did the same thing, which was far less uncomfortable by comparison,
followed by his top.  When he was dressed I looked him in the eye, both of
us blushing red, and he grinned sheepishly.

   "Thanks," he said.  I smiled back.

   "It's ok Ben," I replied, giving him a hug that avoided his damaged
side.

   The next problem came at bedtime.  As we ate dinner I realised that on
such a cold night and with such bad bruising Ben couldn't possibly rest
properly on his lame mattress on the floor or the bad pillows on the couch,
and that left only one place for him to go.  As I predicted, Ben was not
happy about this.

   "It's just a bed," I said exasperatedly.  "We'll both be rugged up in
pj's and as soon as you're able you can go back to the floor, I promise."
Ben didn't seem happy about it, but he finally climbed into the double bed
and I pulled the blankets up over us both.  I normally slept in the middle
but I left a sizeable gap for his sake as he tried to get comfortable on
his back, stretching his body out.

   "Are you going to be ok?" I asked him.  Ben sighed and looked over at
me.

   "Yeah, I will...thanks Ellie, I appreciate all your help, and everything
you've done for me."

   "Oh please, that's nothing compared to how you've been helping me.  I
owe you a lot." I said, smiling fondly at him.  He smiled back.

   "I've loved being here, every minute of it, being with Lucy and you
and..." he trailed off, seeming to lose his words, then nodded and pulled
the sheets up.  "Night Ellie."

   "Night, Ben." Puzzled, I turned the lights off and went to sleep, the
sounds of Ben and Lucy's breathing surrounding me as I drifted off.

   ---

   A few nights passed and the weather didn't get any warmer.  Because of
his injuries Ben was much stiffer as well, although the pain wasn't quite
as bad as that first night.  He kept sleeping in my bed with me each night,
and on the fifth night I wriggled over to him after the lights went out.

   "Ben?"

   "Mmm?"

   "What are you doing tomorrow night?" I saw him look over at me in the
faint moonlight streaming in my one window.

   "Well, I don't really have plans, although I was going to be on a
date..." For some reason that bothered me instantly.

   "Oh.  Ok never mind."

   "No no, I cancelled it, lost interest, basically.  What about tomorrow
night?" But now I wondered about that.

   "Tell me why you cancelled."

   "What?"

   Tell me why.  I want to know." Ben thought about it.

   "Well, she was a girl at work, friendly enough, a bit of a nature girl
really, long curly hair, usually had dirt on her face."

   "Sounds like a real pick."

   "Hey, that's not fair.  She's a lovely person!" he snapped.  I felt
guilty instantly, and wasn't sure what I meant by it.

   "I'm sorry, that was rude.  Go on."

   "Well, she keeps asking me about going to the movies sometime to see
what's on, so I said we could go at the end of the week, but then the other
day I decided that I really didn't feel up to it.  She said it doesn't need
to be a date, and I said I appreciated that, but maybe another time.  She
took it pretty well, actually."

   "Why did you change your mind?  She sounds quite nice."

   "I dunno."

   "Oh come on Ben," I persisted, shaking his arm a little.  "That's not a
good enough answer." For some reason I found myself quite interested in
hearing what made him decide against dating her.

   "I guess she didn't have anything to offer me.  I just didn't want to
date her."

   "Why not?  Stable job, same age, probably living out of home already,
friendly attitude, boobs..." -- Ben scoffed -- "...what doesn't she have
that you need?"

   "You guys." Ben rolled over after saying that and it took a moment for
the shock to wear off before I wriggled right up to him again and turned
him back to face me.

   "What do you mean?  You know there's no obligation to be here or do
anything with us, right?  I don't want to stop you -- "

   "No, Ellie, I mean...look, I love coming home to you and Lucy.  I want
that in my life.  And as nice as Katie is, being with her doesn't give me a
whole lot more for what I would have to give up -- the time I get to spend
here." This seemed like an oddly touching and very strict line of thought.
I knew Ben was devoted to us, but I had no idea.

   "I didn't realise we meant that much to you," I said quietly.  "Lucy
loves you, and I love having you around...and I love you," I said.  "You're
amazing and I do like it when I come home and you're waiting for me.  But
don't you think you're life would be better if you found someone who
can...well, offer you more?" Ben thought about it for a moment then looked
me in the eye.

   "No," he said.  "I've got enough right here." We stared at each other
for a while, then I rolled over and pulled the sheets up, feeling confused
and touched by his words.

   "Ellie?" I didn't reply.

   "What about tomorrow?" Remembering my question, I looked back over my
shoulder.

   "You're free tomorrow night?"

   "Yeah, no date remember?"

   "Mum said she'd take Lucy for me, I thought we could watch some movies
here.  It's not the same as going out but -- "

   "Ok." I rolled over more, looking at him.

   "Really?"

   "Absolutely.  In fact..." he gave me a special smile.  "It's a date."

   "Ok." I rolled back over and thought about that.  Something in my head
was changing, and I didn't fully understand it, but right then I felt very,
very happy.  As I lay there I heard Ben moving, then felt his back against
mine as he closed the distance between us.  The warmth and the contact were
both very welcome.

   "Goodnight, Ellie."

   "Night Ben.  Love you."

   "I love you too."

   ---

   The next evening I got some popcorn ready and had the movie set to go
for when Ben came home.  I was excited -- we never go to do things alone
anymore, and with Mum watching Lucy for the night we could actually relax a
little.  At least, that was the plan anyway, but even as we got ready to
watch the movie I was feeling a little worried.

   "It'll be fine," Ben said to me for the umpteenth time.  "Mum knows what
she's doing and Lucy has been sleeping really well at night.  This is our
night off, so just try not to worry too much." He was right, so I tried
hard to put Lucy out of my mind, knowing she was in good hands.  The movie
started and I sat back to get comfortable, Ben joining me on the couch.  He
leaned back but couldn't seem to stretch out properly; he was still very
stiff and sore from his accident.  Ben shifted again to sit slightly on his
side but he sank into the slightly poofy cushions where his arm brushed his
ribs and he moved again straight away.  He was very twitchy and couldn't
seem to sit still, and the problems all seemed to stem from his arm and his
right side, so I did something about it.

   "Here," I said firmly, lifting his arm and putting it over my shoulders,
away from his bruised body, allowing him to stretch out a little and not
bang his own ribcage with his elbow.  Ben didn't move at first, I think
because he found it uncomfortable for a completely different reason, so I
just shimmied closer until our bodies were almost touching, yet avoiding
his bruises.  Eventually he spoke.

   "This feels weird."

   "Does it?  I don't have a problem with it...why do you?"

   "I don't, I just...never mind," he said, turning back to the movie. 
Truth be told I kind of liked having his arm around me, his hand resting on
my shoulder lightly.  Sure it felt a bit odd at first, but no more than it
did on a first date with a new romantic partner.  Eventually Ben relaxed
and his hand cupped my shoulder muscle as the tenseness drained out of his
body, making it feel much more normal by comparison.

   "Not so hard, see?" I said, watching the screen.

   "Watch the movie," he said back.

   "If you insist.  You know you have very soft hands...I like that in a
man."

   "Talking on a first date is kind of rude, don't you think?"

   "This isn't a normal first date...I've loved you all my life remember?"
Ben didn't reply or take his eyes off the TV but I saw a small hint of a
smile lift the corner of his mouth slightly.  We settled back together and
watched the rest of the movie, enjoying the comfort, the contact, and the
curious feeling that came with spending a quiet night alone together.

   At the end of the movie I reluctantly slipped out from under Ben's warm
arm and helped him up off the couch, the both of us hobbling coldly to the
bedroom and crawling in slowly.  Once again I moved closer to him, just as
I did the night before, resting against his back as I leaned over him.

   "Thankyou for tonight," I said to him.  "It really meant a lot to me."

   "Me too." He whispered back.  "Maybe we can do it again next week?"

   "Sounds wonderful.  Night, Ben, love you." I rolled over, feeling his
back press against mine once more.

   "Night Ellie.  I Love you too."

   ---

   A week went by and Ben's bruises had healed up nicely, but neither one
of us said anything about no longer sleeping in the same bed, so we just
kept doing it.  It was nice, and on those cold nights we would huddle
together back to back, and it felt good to have that contact with someone
special.  We also watched another movie on Friday again, and this time he
brought out a blanket and draped it over us.  His arm didn't go around me
like last time, but we slowly moved closer until our legs and arms were
pressed against each other and we were practically cuddling under the
blanket.

   As we sat together on the couch I sensed some of the tension that I had
noticed between us over the last few nights.  It almost felt like what we
were doing was something special reserved for couples and that we were
intruding on it, or at least that's how I felt, and I sensed a similar
hesitation in Ben as well.  I didn't particularly let it bother me though,
in fact I kind of liked the closeness, but tonight I was very sleepy and
despite my desire to enjoy the relative peace and quiet I was drifting
quickly.  We were watching an old movie, one I had seen before plenty of
times, and about halfway through my head drooped and I rested it on Ben's
shoulder and fell asleep.

   When I woke up the TV was off, the lights were still down and I could
barely see.  The blanket was over us and Ben had slipped his hand behind my
back and rested it on my far hip.  Meanwhile I had half-turned and cuddled
up to him in my sleep.

   "Hey," he whispered.  I looked up at him.

   "Hey back," I said quietly.  Ben looked at the bedroom door and then
back at me again.

   "I suppose we should go to bed."

   "Yeah...late enough.  Sorry I fell asleep."

   "Don't be.  Let's just get you in there."

   "How long have we been here?"

   "I wouldn't worry about it." Ben helped me up and we wearily waddled to
the bedroom together, huddling against the cold of the apartment as usual.
Once I had gotten into my pyjamas and crawled under the sheets we lay down
back to back again, but this time Ben stretched his legs out a bit, our
thighs and feet mingling a little.  I was almost too tired to notice,
drifting back to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

   "Goodnight Ellie.  Sleep well."

   "Night, Ben...love you..."

   "I love you too."

   When I woke up the next morning I felt something very odd.  There was
contact where I wasn't expecting there to be, but it was more specific than
that: there was a hand pressed against my panties.  Not on the outside of
my long nightshirt, but up under the hem that came all the way down to my
knees.  I looked down under the covers and saw my nightshirt hiked up to my
waist and Ben's arm draped over my hip, his hand resting gently over my
crotch.
I could feel where Ben's fingertips rested against my soft cotton
panties, his fingers stretched out towards my folds with his palm over my
clit.  I felt the warmth of his chest against my spine, his breath against
my neck, and his cheek resting in my hair.  I blushed madly as my loins
began registering the contact with each involuntary muscle movement.  My
nipples started getting hard from the sexual aspect of it and I found
myself struggling to control my thoughts.  It was more than a cuddle, more

than a brother should be doing to his sister.

   It should have felt wrong, I knew that.  Yet even though I thought it, I
didn't entirely feel it.  To me it didn't feel like something that had to
stop or change, even though I was a little scared and didn't know how to
react yet.  In the end, I gently reached underneath my shirt and moved his
hand away from my pussy, feeling a slight wetness on his fingers from my
panties.  I blushed redder than ever and manoeuvred his hand over the top
of my nightie as I pulled it down, leaving his hand on my thigh.

   It still felt sexual, but not so boldly, and somehow that actually felt
kind of nice.  I rubbed Ben's hand up and down my thigh gently and closed
my eyes at the feeling, his breath on my neck and his warm body spooning
mine.  I gingerly pushed my bottom back towards him but at that moment he
stirred and I held still, letting him pull his arm back and roll over as he
slowly woke up.

   I was torn between saying something and an odd desire to keep it to
myself.  In the end, I resolved to at least mention it over breakfast.

   "We cuddled a bit last night." Ben froze, the spoon halfway to his
mouth.

   "Oh.  I'm sorry, I guess I do that sometimes.  Umm, I'll stay on my side
of the bed -- "

   "No Ben relax, it's ok...a little odd, sure, but ok.  I guess it was
just a cold night." Ben nodded, suggesting that was a good answer, but
something about his reaction niggled at me.  As I cleared up the breakfast
dishes and got ready to go pick up Lucy I made a decision which surprised
even me, but I kept it to myself and went about my day as usual, with the
exception of taking a rather long nap in the afternoon, refreshing my mind
and making sure I wasn't nearly as sleepy as usual that evening.

   We crawled into bed like normal, fairly early since Ben had work the
next day.  I was usually a little annoyed about that because it meant we
couldn't stay up to enjoy our Saturday night, but he got paid extra for
Sunday work and didn't want to be late.  We said our goodnights and I felt
his back press against mine, just as it often did, and I lay in bed trying
not to fall asleep but not actively doing things to stay awake.  I thought
I heard him drift off, but eventually my eyes began to get droopy and I
couldn't hold them open for much longer.

   Then I felt his hand.  I pretended to be asleep, not daring to move in
case he stopped, but also frozen in place as the implication of my
suspicions being proven registered in my mind.  Ben rolled over and his
body intentionally bumped against mine, and then I felt something hard
between my bumcheeks.  With a strange excited fear I realised it was his
cock, and knowing he was hard right now gave me a strange compulsion to
feel it with my hand, to reach back and rub him, but I restrained myself,
keeping completely still, trying my hardest not to tense up or react to his
touch.

   Ben's hand was resting on my ass, but slowly slid over my hip and up my
body, his fingers trailing up my side to my chest, where he gently cupped
one of my breasts over the top of my nightshirt.  I tried not to moan, but
I know he felt my nipples harden at his touch.  I just hoped that was
normal when I was sleeping.  Ben didn't react, instead gently pressing his
palm down on my nipple as he gave my breast a quick squeeze before moving
to the other one.  He had to really reach over me to feel it and his chest
pressed harder against my back.  I could tell he was shirtless, and part of
me wished I was too.

   After feeling my breasts Ben's hand trailed down over my belly to the
hem of my nightie, just above my knees.  With a slight tremble in his hands
which matched how I was feeling, Ben slowly slid his hand up under my shirt
and pressed his hand to my bare thigh.  I felt him move slowly up my leg,
biting my lip as he moved closer to my crotch.  His fingers were burning
through my skin, leaving trails along my flesh as he slowly but surely felt
up my thigh.  I focused with all my might not to tense or move, desperate
for him to reach his destination but also afraid of what it would mean if
he did.

   Finally, Ben's hand rested over my pussy, his palm grazing the cotton
panties I wore as he rubbed me back and forth.  I couldn't control myself
and gave a tiny but audible moan, freezing him in place.  My pussy itched
as though it was on fire and the only thing that would soothe me was the
touch of his hand.  I wanted him to feel me, strip me, rub me, finger me,
enter me...and I felt both afraid and alive at the thought of him doing
that to me.

   After a minute of not moving, in which we were both secretly afraid of
being caught by the other, Ben finally started rubbing me again, slower and
softer this time, which ironically was even harder to cope with without
squirming.  I was getting wet now and there was no doubt he could feel it
on his fingertips.  I wanted desperately to trap his hand between my
thighs, to pull my undies down, grab his hand and grind my clit hard
against it.  I couldn't remember the last time I needed to get off this
badly, and yet I knew I wouldn't get up in the middle of the night to
finish the job in the bathroom either -- I wanted to stay here with him for
as long as I could.

   Eventually, after what felt like hours of merciless teasing, Ben rested
his hand over my pussy and settled down, holding me close like a lover
would after a night of romantic sex.  It would take me a long time to get
to sleep that night, but as I lay there beneath my brother's arm I decided
I wasn't going to let him get away with feeling me up while I slept
again...after all, there were far more direct ways of going about it.

   ---

   When Ben got home after work I surprised him with the suggestion of
another late night movie that night, since I had drifted off during our
last one and neither of us had any serious commitments until mid-morning
the next day.  I put Lucy to bed fairly easily that evening so it wasn't
too late when we started, and as we settled in I sat much closer to Ben
than I normally did, which was fine since we always ended up half-cuddling
about by the end of the movie anyway.  What he didn't know was that I had
something else in mind.

   That morning I had waited until he went to work, then stretched out
under the sheets, pulled off my shirt and panties and furiously rubbed and
fingered myself until I came hard, making a mess of the bedsheets.  When
that wasn't enough, I moved to the bathroom, returning to my schoolgirl
days and using the handle of my hairbrush, something I hadn't done in
years. Once in the bathroom and once again furiously in the bed had me at
last settling down for a few minutes.  It had felt a lot better than I
remembered, but perhaps that was because of the inspiration in my head as I
drove the handle in and out of me.

   Unbelievably, I felt my body stirring again indicating that I still
wasn't worn out yet, so I decided I had to do something a lot more drastic.
All day I reminisced about him touching me at night, and my thighs had
gotten wet each time it happened, but I refrained from relieving myself
again; even though I was scared of what would actually happen, I had a
feeling tonight would be worth the wait.

   After putting Lucy to bed early once more we settled in to watch the
movie, a blanket draped over our laps.  I wondered fearfully if Ben
suspected my intention, but I knew he couldn't possibly know what I had in
mind.  Still, as we watched the movie I kept wanting to glance over at him,
but I resisted, trying to act casual.  Eventually we reached a point in the
film where the two protagonists started to get intimate, and it was at this
point that I decided to make my move.

   It was a simple gesture, but one that I knew might have dramatic
consequences for us both.  Without looking at him, I slid my hand down his
leg and took his hand in mine, interlacing my fingers with his.

   I felt Ben turn and look at me, so I glanced in his direction.  Ben was
looking at me with a smile on his face and I smiled back, giving his hand a
squeeze.  We turned back to the movie and snuggled a little closer, just
enjoying each other's company.  There was a new dynamic to our
relationship, and despite my fears and doubts I was definitely seeing him
as more than a brother tonight.  The thought should have scared me, but it
didn't...or at least, not enough to stop me making the next move.

   Maybe because it was the fact that this was a long time coming, or that
after a happy meal for three we were sitting on the couch as a husband and
wife might have done, while my daughter slept soundly in the other room. 
Maybe it was the itching I had felt in my panties all day long thinking
dangerous and dirty thoughts about my brother, and the taboo behind that
fact was driving me crazy.  I think it's safe to say I don't really know
how I decided to do it, just that my body acted and my mind agreed with
it's move, but in one motion I lifted his hand and placed it on my lap,
high up near my groin.

   Ben didn't move, so I took it a step further and removed my hand,
leaving his in my lap.  His palm was resting on my thigh and his fingers
were barely separated by a thin fabric from the bare skin below my skirt.
Finally, I laid my hand down on his thigh, high up as well, my palm
pressing near his crotch.

   I knew what I had done wasn't normal, and this time so did he.  I also
knew it was more normal than what had been happening at night, but Ben
didn't know that I was fully aware of the situation.  At first he didn't
really react, he just tensed his leg a little at the contact.  But
eventually his hand stretched out and I felt him cup the form of my thigh
beneath my clothing.  I looked over at him and Ben was staring back at me,
his eyes locked onto mine.

   The next move was mine again, so I slid my hand up and down his leg,
gently brushing the bulge in his pants with my fingers.  When he started
doing the same on my leg I felt him catch a little bit of material each
time, my skirt slowly hiking up and revealing more bare thigh.  I decided
to be daring and I placed my hand directly over his bulge, feeling how hard
he was, and with a sharp intake of air Ben seemed to finally hit a
boundary.

   "Ellie, your hand is on my --"

   "I know," I said quickly.  He didn't argue any further so I gave him a
squeeze and felt his fingers pull at my skirt more, the edge of it barely
covering my panties.  With my free hand I lifted the edge up and felt his
hand on my skin, warm and soft, his fingers reaching for the cloth of my
panties.  When he found it he also found a small, wet patch; I was feeling
more horny than I had felt in a long time.

   "Now you're hand is on me," I whispered.  Ben swallowed, frozen, not
daring to move his hand any further, or perhaps it was because he could
feel the outline of my folds beneath the wetness.

   "We shouldn't be doing this."

   "That didn't stop you last night." I could see him blush and I knew that
whatever I was feeling right now, I wasn't alone.  He tried to pull his
hand away but I grabbed his wrist with my free hand, holding him against my
pussy.

   "I thought you were asleep."

   "That explains the night before as well."

   "Ellie..."

   "Do you like it?"

   "What?"

   "Ben, do you like it?"

   "I...I don't know...Ellie doesn't this feel weird to you??"

   "It does, but it doesn't feel wrong...it's a good weird." I looked into
his eyes as my legs spread just slightly, enough so that his hand without
my prompting sank a little lower between my thighs and his fingers moved
over my crotch.  "I like it."

   "I like it too." In response my hand rubbed his hard cock in through his
pants, feeling the outline.

   "I know."

   "But I don't know what to say or do now, I don't know what to think..."

   "I do." I let go of his hand, leaving it on my pussy as I leaned a
little closer and lowered my skirt down over his hand, giving his cock a
generous squeeze.  "But if you want to stop..."

   "No." He said it so suddenly, so clearly, that after our hushed whispers
it felt almost naughty, like talking louder would get us in trouble. 
Wetness spread out across my groin against his thin, warm fingers, my
thighs closing around his hand slightly.  There was no going back for me
now, I knew what I wanted.

   "Then don't say anything.  Just do what you want to do." I turned my
attention back to the movie, my hand running up and down the length of his
cock, feeling how hard he was in his pants.  Ben didn't move but I could
tell he was aching for it, his hand trapped beneath the hem of my skirt,
pressing against my wet panties.

   My hand closed around Ben's cock and gave it a strong squeeze, earning a
sharp intake of breath from him, and in response he slid his hand up to the
rim of my panties and pull it down, his fingertips brushing bare skin.  My
eyes closed as I felt his hand move into my panties completely and brush
against my clit and folds, his palm and fingers moving back and forth
against me.  I clutched his wrist with my free hand as I fiddled with his
zipper, working it down and easing my hand into his pants, feeling his cock
beneath his boxers.

   Ben didn't react at first, but then he leaned back slightly so I could
access him better and eased the tip of one finger in between my folds,
making me bite my lip and squeeze my thighs together.  My heart beat faster
and my breathing came quicker, my own hand pulling his wrist up and down to
grind his palm against my folds, the top of his hand brushing my clit over
and over.  After all the playing I did this morning you'd think I would
take longer to get there, but already I could feel myself ready to go off
at the slightest touch, knowing it was Ben's hands, my brother's hands, not
mine.

   Sensing my desire Ben abandoned all pretences of watching the movie and
rubbed me hard, his fingertips pressing in towards my entrance, brushing my
clit and circling back and forth over me.  He moved gracefully, playing
with my pussy as fast and as expertly as he could, driving me insane with
lust.  My own hand slipped into his boxers and my fingertips rubbed the
head of his cock, feeling him at last.  He was hot and hard, and as I
squeezed my eyes shut tight and finally felt him in my hand he slipped a
finger inside me, his thumb rubbing my clit fast.

   It was all too much for me.  As Ben pushed his finger in deep and rubbed
my folds furiously I couldn't hold back, and in a rush I came hard, wetting
his hand and thrusting my hips forward.  I openly moaned, faster and
faster, ignoring all pretences and revelling as my brother unleashed my
pleasure.  I gripped his wrist tight and squeezed my thighs around his
hand, rubbing them back and forth as I rode out the wave of sheer lust he
had brought forth from between my legs.  My moans filled the apartment and
my hand slid up and down Ben's cock as I slowly began to calm down, my
entire body shaking with pleasure.

   I sank back into the pillows of the couch, the blanket slipping off my
legs as I refused to release Ben's hand, his fingers still trapped in my
panties.  I writhed and rocked, smaller moans coming now as I tried
desperately to catch my breath, my body shivering badly, but in such a good
way.  When I was able to open my eyes I looked over at Ben and saw him
staring straight at my crotch, so I opened my legs and showed him his work,
my panties and his hand soaked in my juices.  I pulled his hand reluctantly
from between my thighs and gave the finger that was inside me a long, wet
suck, looking down at his crotch where my hand was inside his boxers.

   "Wow..." I breathed.  My voice seemed to break something inside Ben and
he looked up at me, confusion and angst across his face.  I went from a
state of pure unadulterated bliss to worry and rising panic as Ben removed
my hand from his boxers and stood up, his wet hand slipping from my grasp.
No words came me as he turned away and headed for the bathroom, closing it
without so much as a look back.

   I was confused, scared, and amazingly heartbroken.  I didn't know what
to say or do or think.  My mind reeled with fear and doubt, and for a
moment I felt like curling up and crying.  Instead, I stood up, dropping my
soaked panties and walking towards the bathroom door, not knowing what I
was going to do yet but not wanting to let him walk away from this.

   I hadn't heard the lock on the door click when Ben went in.  Quietly
approaching it I heard the shower start up and quickly started getting
undressed, realising what he was trying to do and not prepared to let Ben
do what I knew he was about to do.  I didn't want him to control his
emotions, to be responsible, or to restrain himself, the way he was right
now.  I wanted him to open up to me, to let out the feelings he had built
up inside him, just as I had moments ago with his hand up my skirt.  As
quietly as I could I opened the door and entered the bathroom.

   Ben was in the shower, his back to me, both hands against the wall and
the water splashing down his back.  Without thinking I covered the distance
to him and opened the shower door, stepping in and pressing myself against
his back before he could turn around.  The water was lukewarm, not quite
cold but enough to be uncomfortable, but I ignored it as I held my naked
body against his.

   "Ellie?!?  No, what are you -- "

   "Shhh," I whispered, not letting him get a word in.  I wrapped one hand
around his chest, pulling him back towards me and holding him tight, while
my other hand reached down and found his cock, long and hard.  It was warm
and smooth to the touch, and he was well trimmed downstairs.  Just holding
him made me wet again, but I ignored the feeling between my own legs and
began sliding my hand up and down his length, hearing him gasp as I did so.


   "This isn't what I want." He said, although I could feel his resolve
crumbling.

   "It's what I want," I whispered in his ear, my hand stroking him faster.
His cock was hard in my hand and I knew the cold water had failed to calm
him down, no matter how much he claimed to have wanted it to.  His muscles
were tense beneath my body and I was excited just feeling him, my nipples
pressed against his back getting hard as they grazed his skin.  Ben's chest
was heaving as he hung his head, my hand working his cock faster and
faster, desperate to give him his release.  I wanted to feel it in my hand,
to hold him close as he came, to feel every part of his body and know what
it was like.

   "Ellie..." he panted loudly, the rest of his words turning into grunts
and moans as I felt his bottom press back against my legs and cock pulse in
my hand, his hips thrusting forward slightly and his hands pressed flat
against the wall as he came.  I buried my forehead into his shoulder as he
shook against me, my own legs wobbling slightly as I ached to be touched by
him, to feel his cock unloading into me instead.  I slowed down and held
him tight, feeling his cock shoot its load beneath my fingertips.  I held
him tightly as he slowed, then he stopped, and continued to hold him, not
wanting to let go of his long beautiful cock while he was hard.  But he
wasn't going soft.

   "We could be here all night if you're waiting for something," he said
quietly.  There were so many ways to take that, but it was late, and we had
already crossed enough forbidden boundaries and I was scared of wearing him
out emotionally, so instead I let him go and got out of the shower, drying
myself off gently as he stood under the water.  I could tell he was
resisting looking at me, somehow still wanting to preserve the boundaries
of brother and sister, even though we had spent the night making each other
cum, When I was mostly dry I left the bathroom, climbing straight into bed
without my nightie.

   A minute or two later I heard the shower shut off, and a few minutes
after that he came back into the bedroom.  He slid into bed and I turned to
see him lying down facing away from me.  I didn't know what was running
through his mind, but I needed to make sure he didn't feel bad because of
me, like he'd let me down or led me somewhere we shouldn't go, even though
we'd both made the decision together.  I scooted over to him and gently
turned him onto his back.

   Ben's eyes were wide open and he stared up at the ceiling looking
worried, like everyone was judging him.  I cuddled up to him, my breasts on
his side as I rested my head on his chest, one of my legs tucked up and
over his hips.  We were both naked and I could feel my crotch pressed
against his thigh, my nipples grazing his body as I held him close.  His
hands closed around me and I felt him relax, so I pulled the blankets up
over us and closed my eyes, hoping that in the morning I could find the
right words to tell my brother exactly how much I loved him.

   ---

   Ben was up early the next morning.  I felt him move out from under me
and woke up despite his being careful.  I watched him get dressed in the
dim morning light and everything that had happened last night came rushing
back to me.  The fact that we had spent the night naked as brother and
sister didn't factor into my worries, I realised with a bit of surprise,
but instead I was concerned about losing him as someone I loved dearly,
like he was a boyfriend on the verge of leaving me.

   "Ben?" I said timidly.  He paused doing up his shirt and turned to face
me.  I kept the sheets up over my breasts, feeling that modesty was the
right way to go this morning.

   "I don't have any regrets," I said quietly.  "And if you be totally
honest with yourself, I don't think you'll have any either." I bit my lip
and took a breath, wondering if I could even say the next part.

   "I want to leave Lucy at Mum's house tonight." Ben didn't move, but I
could see in his eyes he understood what I was saying to him.  Without a
word he turned and left the room, and as whole world came crashing down
around me I buried my head in the pillow and wept, unable to move until
Lucy woke up and cried out for her mother.

   ---

   I spend the day cleaning, which didn't take that long, and ended up
going to Mum's house.  It felt so similar, and after struggling to work out
why I realised it was the same kind of pain I felt after Jordan walked out
on me, only this time it felt worse, deeper, like a blade piercing my body.
it was unbearable, yet I didn't cry -- I was beyond crying, beyond mortal
symbols of loss and sadness.

   I left Lucy with Mum in the late afternoon but instead of going home I
stayed out for a while, trying to get my head around the situation.  I had
no idea how I was supposed to control my feelings for Ben now that things
were out in the open.  He had to know I wanted him, and yet somehow he was
resisting, even though he had taken the first steps down this road.  I
spent so much time out roaming the town that the sun was setting before I
headed back to my tiny apartment, ready to face the emptiness I was
convinced would greet me.

   Instead, I opened the door and Ben was sitting on the couch, waiting for
me.

   "I didn't know where you were," he said.  I could hear the worry in his
voice.  I gave a quiet sob and walked over to him.

   "I had to think," I said.  "About you.  About everything.  About...us."
He looked down as I said that, then patted the couch next to him.  I sat
down with my hands in my lap, afraid of what was about to happen.

   "Ellie...I know I haven't been a good brother." I went to interrupt but
he put a hand up to stop me.  "No, Ellie, I have.  I...did things that I
shouldn't have done, and it's my fault we're here now." He took a deep
breath.  "I wish I hadn't." Pain hit me like a tidal wave.  I shook my head
violently.

   "No!  No, Ben!  It wasn't you...it was me, both of us.  This whole
thing," I gestured to the apartment helplessly.  "You've been here, helping
me, and I'm and emotional wreck.  I saw a good, strong, caring man helping
me at my weakest, and I saw..." I paused, realising what I had been going
to say.  More than that, I realised that what I had been about to say was
the truth.

   "I saw a man.  A man I cared for, a man I loved...and who loved me back,
and loved Lucy." I wrung my hands, hoping desperately for him to listen,
knowing I could never speak a greater truth than the one I was about to
tell him.

   "I love you, Ben, and I don't mean the way we have loved each other for
all our lives, not anymore.  I love you like a partner, a husband, a...a
father to my child...Ben, I love you." I struggled to keep the tears back,
and in the end I just gave up, letting them flow, rivers of honest
emotional weakness as I poured my heart out to the man I loved.  Ben closed
his eyes tight, pain crossing his face.

   "We aren't married, Ellie.  I'm not Lucy's father, and I can't give you
what you need, a partner for life." He shook his head and I cried, I cried
long and loud.  But suddenly the truth behind his words came forward and I
raised my head, staring at him.

   "But...that isn't what I want," I said quietly.  Ben looked up at me and
opened his eyes, tears in them matching mine.  He shook his head.

   "No, I know it isn't.  You want contact, love, physical and emotional.
So do I." He gave me a weak smile, and my heart soared.  "But I know I want
more...more than I can give you, more than we can have in this life. 
Ellie, I love you, and if I could I would marry you, live here forever with
you and Lucy, raise a family together and bring more children into it,
watch them grow up as we grow old, and hold you in arms in my bed every
night for the rest of our lives." Ben looked down and I felt waves of pain
coming off him.

   "But we can't.  You know why we can't, and I don't think I can have one
but not the other." I cried again, this time tears of joy and love.  I did
know what he meant.  Our love was true, but that wasn't enough; we could
never do that to Mum and Dad -- or Lucy, who would one day find out who Ben
was.

   "Ben, I don't want to lose this...I don't want to lose you," I begged.

   I'm not leaving, Ellie.  I don't ever want to leave you.  I'm here, now,
with you.  I don't know what's happening to us.  But I'm here." Ben
shrugged his shoulders helplessly.  "I just don't know what to do."

   "I do," I said to him, and I leaned forward and kissed him.  It was a
strange, yet sweet kiss, salty from my tears but sweeter than life itself.
It was enough to break the ice and finally, as Ben kissed me back, I
brought him fully into my world, a world I now knew we had shared from
opposite ends of the spectrum.  It wasn't a natural feeling yet, so I guess
we both still thought kissing your sibling was a little odd, but as I
pulled away for a breath his hands were on me, one reaching around my back
to hold me close, the other one sliding down over my knees, rubbing my
inner thighs as his hand worked up my skirt.  This we were more familiar
with, his lips finding my neck while I pulled him down on top of me, lying
back on the couch as his hand rubbed up between my legs.

   "I want you Ben," I moaned.  "I don't want to hold back." His reply was
to gently nibble my neck as his hand rubbed my pussy, soaking my undies
with my juices as I finally had him coming after me, free to roam my body
as he wished.

   "Like this?" he asked me, as if he hadn't done it before.  I laughed
quietly, then had a brave idea.

   "You have a free hand," I said to him.  "I want you to use it," and with
that I pushed him back into a sitting position and stood up, climbing
straight into his lap and facing away from him.

   "Ellie, what --"

   "You heard me," I said forcefully over my shoulder.  Ben didn't argue
and started to reach up underneath my top.  I held the edge out from my
body and felt his touch on my stomach, moving its way upwards quickly as
his other hand reached around and began rubbing the wet spot on my panties,
stimulating my pussy through the fabric.  When his fingers touched my bra I
arched my back, my ass rubbing against his crotch and his hard cock which
was straining against his pants.

   "Ahhh..." Ben moaned.  "M-more, Ellie..." I glanced over my shoulder at
him.

   "You know what to do," I said quickly.  Ben wasted no time and pulled on
my bra cup, lifting my breast free and cupping it in his hand instead.  My
breasts were reasonably sized and fitted well in his hand, as long as his
fingers were outstretched.  My nipple was hard as a rock and I felt him
graze his palm over it as he touched me, his other hand rubbing the wet
spot of my panties.

   "I know you used to watch me shower," I said seductively, slowly
circling my bum in his lap, drawing on old memories of living together. 
Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't something I should be
doing, but the one man in my life who treated me right was the only man I
wasn't allowed to have, and that taboo made it all the more fun to chase
him.  I also knew he wanted me just as much, and now that we had been
honest about what we wanted there was no way he was going to stop until he
had me.

   "You never locked the door," Ben replied, his hands sliding up my sides
as I grinded against his lap.  My hands gripped his legs as his fingers
played with my pussy, gently pulling the fabric of my panties aside so he
could touch my bare skin.

   "We really shouldn't be doing this," he said quietly.  I wanted to
agree, but I knew if I said too much he might actually stop, and although
there was a perverse fun in being reminded how wrong it was, there was
plenty of time for kinky cries of "brother" and "sister" to come in the
heat of the moment.

   "Oh I know," I murmured back, my hand snaking down his body and rubbing
the bulge in his pants.  My fingers curled over his belt and quickly undid
it, biting my lip as his hands roamed my breasts, his fingers brushing my
nipples.  I hadn't been properly touched like this in so long and it was
driving me insane.  Just feeling his reaction to my body made me want to go
so much further, as if I didn't already need him inside me.  I unzipped his
pants and my hand slid into his boxers, fingertips touching something long,
hard, and very warm.

   "Oh god, sis," Ben moaned beneath me as my fingers wrapped around his
manhood.  It felt so right to hold it, almost as if I had only dreamed of
it before and now my dream was coming true.  I felt him twitch, the strange
new contact making him harder than I thought possible as his fingers
lightly squeezed my breasts a little firmer.

   "I can't believe how nice it feels," I murmured.  Ben leaned back
further on the couch and let me access him fully, my hand running up and
down his length as I gently applied pressure, jacking him off lightly.  I
desperately wanted more so I stood up and turned around, straddling him
again but facing him, so I could look into his eyes.  Ben's hands reached
up and roamed underneath my top once more as I rubbed the head of his cock
against my panties, the wet spot very quickly spreading as his tip rubbed
my clit and down near my folds, pressing inwards just enough to make me
want to impale myself on him.  My free hand gripped his shoulder and I
looked deep into his eyes, seeing the same lust in them that I was feeling
right now.

   "There's no going back from this, Ellie," he said, "this is too far..."
but the look on his face told me all he wanted was to take me right there,
not to stop in any way.  Part of me felt touched that he was still worried,
but ultimately I just didn't care anymore.  What we had would be beautiful,
and it was something I would never forget.

   "You know what I want," I said to him, no longer interested in
pretending like we might stop.  "And I know you want it too..." Ben didn't
reply but I could read him like a book: he didn't just want to have me, he
wanted to ravage me, and I was just about ready to let him do it too. 
After a moment of hesitation I felt Ben turn sideways and lay me down on my
back on the couch.  My panties slid down my legs, the edge of my skirt
lifting up as he began to crawl between my thighs.

   This was it, it was going to happen.  I had no idea how badly I needed
this, but suddenly an outsider's view of us came into my head: a brother
and sister, a young mum no less, both partially naked, fucking like animals
on the couch of a tiny apartment.  It was raw, hot, fast, dirty, and made
me feel like a slut being taken by her kinky fuck of a brother, and it made
me very horny, but it wasn't romantic, and I wanted the memory of this
night to last for the right reasons.  Before Ben could go any further I put
a hand to his chest and stopped him.

   "No," I said quickly, "not here.  Come." Standing up and leaving my
panties on the floor, I held my hand out for him to take, pleased that the
more sibling-esque familial contact didn't activate a memory and put him
off what we were about to do.  I could feel the sexual charge in the air,
that moment right before two people turn from a normal couple into hungry
unsatisfied animals.  I quickly led him through my apartment, pausing only
to lift my top off and throw it to the ground while leaving my bra on as we
went to the small bedroom at the back, shutting the door and turning the
light off before sitting down on the bed, facing him.  Moonlight streamed
in through the window, bathing the room in a soft blue glow.

   "Come here," I said quietly.  Ben walked over to me, and I took his
hands and placed them on my shoulders as I pulled his pants all the way
down, freeing his cock.  It looked big to me, bigger than I thought it
felt, and in a way that I couldn't describe I wanted to see how big it felt
everywhere else on me too.  As I pulled Ben towards me I opened my mouth
and he thrust his hips forward, his cock parting my lips and entering my
mouth as I ran my tongue along his shaft.  It was warm in my mouth and
tasted slightly salty, the precum leaking from his tip rubbing onto my
tongue.

   "Oh my god, Ellie..." moaned Ben, his hands gripping my shoulders gently
as I sucked him off.  My mouth bobbed up and down his length as I sped up
slightly, making him nice and wet before my hand reached up and grasped his
shaft at the base, stroking him as my mouth pulled back to his head and I
swirled my tongue gently.  I closed my eyes and savoured the feeling of it
as I slid my lips up and down his cock, knowing all the while that giving
my brother a blowjob was by far the kinkiest thing I could ever do, knowing
also that he was getting off on it, and knowing even more how much it was
making me want him.

   With a mouthful of my brother's cock I slid my skirt down my thighs and
kicked it off, leaving me in my socks and bra while Ben lifted his own
shirt off and stood naked before me.  I wanted him to take me more than
anything in the world, so I gave him a few more hard, deep sucks before I
pulled back and looked up at him, my eyes begging for him to fill something
else.  Ben either had the same idea or took my hint because he worked my
bra off and flung it aside, his hands running over my breasts as he lay me
backwards on the bed and got between my legs.

   "You're so beautiful," he murmured.  I blushed, unbelievably, and placed
my hands on his shoulders, feeling him position himself over me like a
lover would.

   "I'm yours if you want me," I said to him, a hand running up his neck to
grip the back of his head, fingers in his hair.  Ben leaned in closer until
our noses were almost touching, staring into my eyes.  I almost leaned up
to meet him when I felt something soft yet hard press against my pussy,
brushing my wet folds but not going in.

   "Please," I begged him.  "I need this right now..." Whatever might have
been holding him back vanished as I felt the tip of his cock enter me, then
the shaft, not stopping until all 7 inches of him was buried inside my
pussy.  I was so full I thought I might shoot off the end of him with
pleasure, and I pulled him in close to make sure he couldn't move away.

   "Oh my god, Ben...just, just wait there, I need to get used to this..."
His shaft was filling me like I never imagined, and every fibre of my being
told me it was a perfect fit.

   "You're so tight," he panted, his body shaking as he penetrated me.  I
gently squeezed my legs together and felt him pulse inside me, my folds wet
with anticipation.  I kissed his cheek and his neck as my hands slid down
his back and back up through his hair, finally feeling complete after all
these weeks of pent up frustration.  After a minute my hands slid down his
body and clasped his buttcheeks, and I pulled away to look up at him,
biting my lip.

   "Do me, please God do me," I pleaded.  Ben looked down at my breasts, my
waist, and my pussy, where his cock was buried deep inside me and slowly
pulled back until just the head of his cock was in me, then he thrust back
inside quickly, making me gasp and dig my nails into his ass.

   "Oh wow...do that again," I moaned.  Ben quickly did so, and again,
slowly getting faster with each thrust back inside me.  Soon he started a
steady rhythm and I could hear his breath coming in gasps as he panted
above me, his strong arms planted on either side of my body holding him up
above me.  My hands were guiding him into me, helping him thrust each time,
but now I slid one up his body and rested it on his cheek.

   "Ben...look at me," I said to him.  Ben looked up at me and our eyes
locked, completely naked both physically and emotionally.  Never before had
I felt this connection with someone during sex, or ever in my life for that
matter, and without knowing how he would react I leaned up and kissed his
lips.

   Ben froze, his cock halfway in me, his arms tensing as my lips met his
in a soft, very, very un-sister-like kiss, and for a moment I feared I had
ruined everything, but before I could pull away he sank his cock deep into
my folds and kissed me back, his body lowering to mine and his arms sliding
around behind me, holding me to him.  I kissed him again and he kissed me
harder, his tongue gently slipping into my mouth as we embraced.  It wasn't
strange or new anymore, it felt right, natural, like we had been waiting
for the right moment to make it work, and just like that everything started
to feel ten times better.

   We rolled on the bed, kissing madly first onto his back with me forcing
myself down onto him, then once more with be on my back again, my legs
squeezing his waist.  Ben's hips started to thrust between my thighs again
but I knew in my heart this wasn't about sex anymore; this was making love,
and I had never wanted it more than I did right there and then with him.

   My thighs were tingling with a sensation I hadn't felt in a long time
and without me realising it I was approaching orgasm.  It had built so
quickly and so strongly that it actually caught me off guard, or that's
what it felt like.  I broke the kiss and looked up at my brother, my breath
coming in gasps as I struggled to breathe, my heart rate getting faster as
he fucked my pussy.  We looked down between our bodies together and I felt
him tensing as well, his pace picking up as his cock entered me again and
again.

   "I'm going to cum sis, I can't hold back..."

   "No!  No not yet!  Please -- I'm almost there!" Ben looked up into my
eyes and I could see he wouldn't last long, but he stayed in me and I held
his head to my chest, my feet lifting off the bed as my legs rose in the
air and he fucked me harder than before.  I was almost there, and my
brother was doing it to me, and just that thought alone drove me over the
edge as his mouth closed over my nipple.  I dug my fingernails into his
back and with a loud moan I came hard, juices squirting against his body as
our hips clashed.  I lifted his head to mine and with wild abandon I kissed
his lips, savouring the taste as I rode my orgasm out, my brother's arms
wrapped around me.

   Ben kissed be back and moaned into the kiss, his cock driving deep
inside my pussy once more before he froze, his body writhing against mine
as my legs wrapped around his waist.  I smelled his sweat and felt the heat
from his body and I shut my eyes tightly as I came to him, the release
sweeter than anything I had ever felt before.  Ben moaned into my mouth and
I could feel his shaft pumping his load into my pussy, filling me like only
he could do.  It drove me mad with lust and I trembled beneath him, feeling
every last pulse of his cock against my folds.  We lay like that for what
must have been only five minutes but felt like hours, and the whole time he
stayed inside me and I kissed him as a man, as a lover, feeling warm, safe
and incredibly happy.

   Eventually Ben rolled over and slipped out of me, and it was only then
that I noticed his cock was still rock hard but covered in cum.  Without
thinking I leaned over and took his entire length into my mouth, relaxing
as his shaft went down my throat to gasps of pleasure.  When I had sucked
him clean I pulled back and lightly bobbed my head until he started to go
soft, giving him one last hard suck before lying back.

   We lay side by side, panting, breathless, satisfied but also terribly
scared of what we had done.  I wasn't on birth control, and we had no
condom.  Ben had blown a massive pent up load of cum inside me without me
even thinking of the consequences, and that scared me more than anything.
He seemed to be thinking the same thing and he reached down to take my
hand, giving it a squeeze.

   "What do we do now?" Ben asked me.  I had no answers.  I was a spent
mixture of pleasure, fear and relief.  With nothing else on my mind, I
rolled over and held him close as I cried quietly on his shoulder until I
fell asleep.

   ---

   It was dark when I woke up, but Ben was still with me.  I could feel his
heartbeat against my naked chest, his hands wrapped around my naked body. I
remembered what had happened, and what I had felt afterwards: shame, fear,
confusion, and raw emotional turmoil.  But feeling him so close to me left
me with only a burning desire to have him.

   "Ellie?" came his voice from the darkness.  I silenced him with a kiss,
soft and passionate yet furious and demanding, the kind of kiss that
screams the word "sex".  He kissed me back and I felt his cock grow against
my leg, and I knew it was exactly what he wanted from me as well. 
Reluctant to break the kiss, I rolled him over onto his back and got on top
of him, spreading my legs as I positioned his cock beneath me.  I wanted to
taste him, and I was desperate to let him taste me too, but both of those
things would have to wait.

   "I want to swallow for you," I murmured.  "But I need this in me right
now." I slowly eased down his cock, feeling his shaft enter my pussy again
and fill the void he had left behind.  It felt so right that without him
inside me I almost didn't feel like myself.  Ben moaned as I seated myself
in his lap, rocking my hips back and forth as I swayed my body.

   "You like that?" I asked, gently circling my pussy on his crotch and
giving his cock a squeeze, my hands sliding up to play with my boobs.  I
could see Ben's eyes following the rhythm of my body as I danced for him
while mounted on his shaft, making sure to lift myself up and down slightly
to tease and play with him.

   "Oh God yes," he gasped.  His hands reached up and rested on my hips as
he gently thrust upwards into me, making small motions.  I eased up onto my
knees to give him more room and watched with fascination as he started
fucking me, feeling his cock drive deep into my pussy and slide back out
again, coated in my wetness.  I gave my breasts a squeeze, pinching my
nipples and arching my back.

   "Oh fuck yeah," I breathed.  "Fuck me like that." I stayed up and let
him control the movements, his hands pulling me down slightly as he thrust
up into me, slamming my ass down onto his thighs with each motion.  One of
my hands reached down and rubbed my clit, playing with it as my man fucked
me hard.  I wasn't used to this sort of attention and already I could feel
my first orgasm coming, so I looked down at him and rocked my hips more.

   "Play with me baby, make me cum," I moaned.  Ben reached down and took
over for me, his fingers playing with my clit as he fucked me harder.  My
hands gripped his chest and I leaned forward as I started to lose control,
the bed bouncing with our movements.  He gave me an extra deep thrust and I
gripped his hand, pushing it against my clit and pussy as I came hard,
slamming my ass down flat and wetting his thighs, rubbing myself back and
forth on his body.

   "Ohhhh, holy shit," I panted.  "Oh fuck me...ahh God!  Ohhh you're so
deep in me baby," I moaned loudly.  Ben pulled my body down to him and took
one of my nipples in his mouth, sucking on it hard as he fingered my clit.
I shook violently as he rubbed my most sensitive nerves, his cock pulsing
and moving inside me as his hips gently thrust upwards.  I leaned back and
looked down at him, now wanting him to blow his load inside my pussy.

   "You're turn," I said seductively, starting to lift myself off of him
and slam my bottom back down onto his lap.  I placed my hands on his body
and worked myself up and down his cock, squeezing gently as my juices lubed
him up.  My breasts hung before him and I looked down into his eyes as I
rode him hard, wanting to make him explode up into me.

   "Fuck me baby," he growled up at me as my tits bounced up and down.  I
rode him harder, grinding my clit against his groin before lifting right up
and slamming myself down, his shaft going deep inside me each time.  I
leant over further and rested my hands on his shoulders and felt his lips
slide across my boobs, kissing and sucking them as I fucked my brother.

   I was going to cum again and I wanted him to cum with me, so I sped up
my riding and dug my nails into his shoulders, feeling him run his hands
all over me.  As I reached my second climax I felt Ben's hands on my belly,
running over my smooth skin to hold my hips as he now thrust up into me
wildly, making me shake as he fucked my pussy hard and fast and rough.  I
couldn't hold it back anymore and cried out his name, my nails digging into
his shoulders as I felt his hand press against my belly.  A moment later
Ben reached up with one hand and cupped my face, kissing me hard as he
erupted inside me, blowing his load up inside my pussy one more time.  It
was intense, powerful, and full of the lust we had for each other.

   I eventually calmed down, my brother's cream coating my insides as I
gently rocked back and forth, my pussy tightening as I milked every last
drop of cum from him.

   "Oh fuck yes, that was good," I breathed, leaning back to show off my
boobs and smiling down at him.  Ben smiled back, his chest rising and
falling as he struggled to catch his breath.

   "That was...I can't believe we did that," he panted.  I leaned down and
rested my chest on his, loving the feeling of his cock in my pussy as my
nipples pressed to his body.

   "I can't either, but I'm not sorry," I said to him.  "I needed this, and
I don't mean just sex -- I needed a man who understood me, who cared about
me and Lucy.  I needed..." I looked into his eyes, staring hard.  "I needed
a man who loved me."

   Ben slid his arms up my naked body and held me close, looking back into
my eyes as he leaned in and gave me a long, passionate kiss, filled with
everything a brother shouldn't feel about his sister.  When he pulled back
I was out of breath and more time had passed than I could have believed.

   "I love you, Ellie," he said to me.  "I've always loved you, and I love
Lucy too, and I will be here for anything you need, no matter what." I lay
down against Ben and felt his heartbeat against me.  "I will always love
you, and that will never change." He smiled at me and I smiled back, but my
smile changed to the cheeky smile I had given him so many times before,
which now took on a whole new meaning.

   "Then get some rest, and show me how much you can love me
tomorrow...especially the parts of me you haven't loved for the last
eighteen years." I kissed him again and felt his cock, still buried in my
pussy, start to move, hard and deep and wet with cum, and I laughed as he
rolled me over onto my back and spread my legs, making me wonder if we
would ever get to sleep.  As Ben started to make up for so much lost time,
I ran my fingers through his hair and gasped, deciding that sleep was
overrated.

   ---

   "We were hooked," Auntie Ellie said to me.  "No matter what we tried, no
matter how much time we spent in the bedroom, we couldn't get enough of
each other.  It was...something we didn't need to talk about.  It was just
love, pure and simple.  I thought I could live the rest of my life with him
inside me as much as we could handle."

   Auntie Ellie stared at the ground, slightly pink in the face but
unabashed about her true feelings for her sibling.  Her tale had left me
speechless, but after a good minute of silence she looked up at me and
straight into my eyes and I knew I had to talk, if only to progress the
conversation to what had to come next.

   "What happened to Jordan?" I asked her.  Auntie Ellie shook her head.

   "He came back, three or four months later, and I agreed to let him see
Lucy every now and then.  A few months after that he convinced me that he
was going to be her father and he moved back in properly.  Ben and I
stopped what we were doing and we both moved on, although it didn't happen
straight away.  I refused to sleep with Jordan for a good six more months,
but Ben on the other hand...well, to this day I still don't know how I did
it, nor do I know how nobody ever found out.  We made it work for a few
years, Lucy was raised with a father, and eventually Amy was born.  After
that..." Auntie Ellie sighed.  I urged her to go on, and she gave me a
small smile.

   "Jordan met her in the delivery room, then he left...and that was the
last time I saw him." While Mum had never told me exactly what the deal was
with Lucy and Amy's father, the way I understood it was that she had
decided she deserved better and moved on from him.

   "Why did he leave?" I said quietly.  "I mean, if you had a second
daughter together surely he would want to stay." Auntie Ellie gave me a
soft smile full of hints, one I hadn't seen on her before.  It made my
heart beat faster.

   "Ben left the country for the chance of a lifetime, the kind of
opportunity that knocks once, and only once." she looked down at her hands,
fiddling with them.  "He -- he left nine months before Amy was born." she
looked back up and I could see the fires of love in her eyes.  "I gave up
the kind of love that you can never find with anyone else.  When things
started to go downhill between Jordan and I after Lucy turned six I decided
to stay with Ben for a while.  It didn't go back to the way it was, not
with Lucy around.  But then when he found out he was leaving in a month or
two, we..." Auntie Ellie trailed off again.  I didn't need her to finish.
They rekindled their relationship during a very emotional time.  I
understood, however it left me with one burning question.

   "Who is Amy's father?" Auntie Ellie looked into my eyes and smiled
sadly.

   "Well, I never got her tested if that's a clue.  She is a healthy,
beautiful little girl with my looks.  If there's any chance that it's
his...honestly, I'm glad I don't know for sure.  Sometimes I like it better
just wondering, hoping even, that a little piece of our love is alive
today." Auntie Ellie had a small tear in her eye and I felt guilty all over
again.  I couldn't imagine what she must be going through, having all these
memories resurface because of more incest.  And Amy!  I had no idea, not
even the faintest inkling, but then neither did my mother, or if she did
she never showed any sign of knowing.

   "you told Uncle Ben?" I said, guessing I knew the answer already. 
Auntie Ellie nodded.

   "I did, and he doesn't want to know the truth either.  I'm afraid it's
because he doesn't want to know he has a daughter that he was never around
to raise as his own, or perhaps he doesn't want to be reminded of the
sadness he felt after we separated, after the last enjoyable memory we made
together.  Or perhaps after all these years away he just doesn't feel that
way about me anymore...I hope it's one of the former, and not the latter."
She wiped a tear away, a slightly cheeky look in her eye.  It made me feel
funny inside, considering I had shot my own load into her a few weeks ago.

   "You see, Will, incest isn't all bad, and I understand where you are
coming from, what turmoil you must be feeling.  I don't blame you, either;
Lucy is a fine looking young girl, and very sexual, a bit like her mother,
I suppose." I was glad Auntie Ellie was leading the conversation; I didn't
know how I would even begin.

   "I must warn you though.  Lucy is my daughter and I am concerned about
how you're going about your interest in her.  One cousin spying on another
isn't particularly healthy." She smoothed out her skirt, fiddling with the
hem down over her knees, and looked at me again.  "As I said when we sat
down, incest is addictive.  You must control your curiosity, otherwise it
could lead to trouble." I bowed my head, realising how it must look; first
I sleep with my aunt, then I eye off her daughter, my own cousin.  All my
guilt rushed forward at once.

   "I'm sorry, Auntie Ellie," I said hopelessly.  "I really am, I realise
what this must look like, especially after..." I still couldn't bring
myself to say it, but Auntie Ellie nodded.

   "It's ok, as I said, I understand.  These sorts of things you never
forget." She looked at me, studying me, sizing me up even.  "And if I have
to be completely honest, Lucy could do much worse than you -- if she
fancies you, of course.  I'm not saying she will, but if she does..."
Auntie Ellie smiled kindly, "I promise I will be understanding of you both.
And you never forget the first time.  Ever." I nodded, feeling confident
that I could begin to talk more openly with her now.

   "No, definitely not.  I mean, obviously I knew I wouldn't forget it in a
hurry, and at first I thought of that as a bad thing, but the more I think
about it now the less awful I feel, like maybe the world isn't really
ending after all." I smiled slightly, allowing myself to admit the oddness
of the conversation, but Auntie Ellie was staring at me.

   "Wait, Will what do you mean by that...have you already?  Have you and
Lucy already committed incest?!?" Auntie Ellie stood up suddenly, full of
shock.  Her reaction both scared and confused me.

   "What?  No!  No!"

   "Ok then, not that there's anything wrong with that.  Perhaps I
overreacted.  But Will, I know this is a difficult emotion to control but I
don't feel comfortable knowing you just, well, expect it to be memorable
with her, like it's just going to happen if you click your fingers!  Incest
isn't like that.  You don't know if she even wants it!  I'm not saying it's
bad, just that those kinds of feelings can be dangerous if not reciprocated
--"

   "Auntie Ellie, please, listen to me, I didn't mean with Lucy.  I
meant...with you." That stopped Auntie Ellie dead in her tracks.  With a
controlled, shocked slowness Auntie Ellie sat back down on the lounge
opposite me and stared, her mouth partially open and her hands clasped
together tightly.  Eventually she looked down and tried to conjure words,
twisting the fabric of her skirt in her hands.

   "Oh dear.  Will, honey..." she glanced up at me, a deep red blush on her
face.  "I, um...I see.  So, you aren't interested in Lucy at all?"

   "No, Auntie Ellie," I said, shaking my head.  "A moment of weakness
earlier, I'll admit, but sleeping with my cousin isn't the reason I'm
here." Auntie Ellie bit her lip, thinking quietly to herself.  The room was
silent for a minute and I could barely stand the tension in the room.  What
would she say next?  Nothing seemed to add up on this quest for truth. 
Eventually she stood up, straightening her clothes in front of me, and
walked over to sit next to me on the lounge.  She didn't speak straight
away, but I let her collect her thoughts.  I needed to hear what she said
next.

   "Will, oh God, how do I say this, um...I understand your feelings," she
said quietly, and now she took my hand in hers, holding it gently.  "And as
you now know, I have dealt with the troubles of incest before.  It has been
thirteen years since your uncle left, and in that time I have managed to
put the world of incest behind me.  Yes, it happens, sometimes for better,
sometimes for months or even years, and sometimes by accident." I looked
down sadly, nodding.  Auntie Ellie took a deep breath.

   "But Will, you are my nephew.  Your mother is my sister, and no matter
what, no matter how charged the air is, no matter how much we talk about
incest, I can't...there is no way we could...not even if..." Auntie Ellie
drew to a stop, lost for words, and I felt the need to fill the gap.

   "Not even if we were drunk?" I finished sadly.  "I didn't mean for it to
happen, and --"

   "What?" asked Auntie Ellie.  She had a puzzled look on her face.  "Will,
alcohol won't help you tonight -- no, not that there will be a tonight --
and you should know better than that."

   "No, I meant the wedding." Now Auntie Ellie looked completely lost.

   "Wedding??  Will, sweetie, I don't want to alarm you but I think you may
have made a mistake."

   My stomach plunged, my confidence fell, and I realised I had walked into
another trap.  Auntie Ellie patted my hand.

   "Try starting from the top, and remember, you are in the company of
someone who wants to help you, and may be the only person who can.  Now --
what is this about?"

   "Ummmm, ok.  Auntie Ellie, do you remember the wedding?  All of it?"

   "Yes of course!  I may have a few too many but I always be careful!" She
eyed me suddenly.  "Will...did you commit incest at the wedding?"

   "I -- ok so, you know Taylor?  I mean, obviously, Lucy and all
that...well, we were going to have sex for the first time at the wedding,
you see we were sort of, um, fooling around, and she gave me the key to a
room upstairs and I was really drunk, and I went up there and found her,
or...I thought it was her." Auntie Ellie's hand flew to her mouth as shock
registered on her face.

   "What happened, Will?"

   "We, um, I -- I slept with a girl, a girl in a dress, with long hair,
and, there was a white rose on the floor in the room, I assumed it was hers
and I thought that maybe it had belonged to Lucy, and I was here trying to
figure out if it was her, but tonight I saw...differences," I said with
some embarrassment, remembering Auntie Ellie had caught me watching Lucy
get off while naked.

   "And when you ruled out Lucy, you turned to me," finished Auntie Ellie.

   "You said we had to talk about incest tonight, and everything you knew
about it, I thought you must have been concerned I was, you know, moving
from one incestual attraction to another." I paused, looking into her eyes.
"It wasn't you, was it?"

   "No, dear.  I'm quite sure I would have remembered having sex, and I'm
afraid I haven't lost my rose anyway." My hopes sank.  I hung my head in my
hands and tried to breathe, the pain coming back again.  I felt Auntie
Ellie's hand on my back, possibly the only person who could understand the
stresses I was going through.

   "I tried so hard to figure it out, to see who it might have been.  I
thought for sure it was Jaimi, and I was scared, I thought I might have
gotten her pregnant.  But I ruled her out, and Mum had her rose still, and
then Lucy..." I gulped and Auntie Ellie sat me up, taking me into a soft
warm hug that I clung to desperately for relief.  She understood my plight,
she was sympathetic in a way no one else could be.

   "Roses were a theme at the wedding, Will.  It's possible there was a
white rose lying up there from something else, and who knows who you were
with in that case.  There might not be a way of knowing for sure." I
pressed my face to Auntie Ellie's shoulder and shook my head.

   "I've been going through photos from the reception, trying to see if
anyone looked ruffled, you know, like they had been upstairs, even if they
still had a rose somehow and I had picked up a spare one that didn't belong
to anybody, or something like that, so I came here to check on Lucy because
I know she was drunk with the girls."

   Auntie Ellie pulled away and pondered for a moment, then stood up and
grabbed her bag from the other couch, rummaging through it.  Eventually she
pulled out two small memory cards.  I stood up and walked over to her as
she held them out.

   "Wedding photos," she said quietly.  "From the photographer.  I was
going to get them professionally printed for free by a friend of mine who
helped with some, er...risqué shots a while ago." Auntie Ellie blushed and
I felt more than a little awkward as I tried not to imagine what she might
get up to in her spare time.  With a mind as messed up as mine currently
was I had to really concentrate as I turned my attention back to her face,
instead of imagining her hourglass body, chest down and ass up on a bed in
a dark hotel room.

   "These would be some of the only ones I haven't seen yet," I said to
her. Auntie Ellie nodded, handing them over to me.

   "I think we have said enough tonight," she said to me, pulling me into
another loving hug.  It was different to our normal hugs, almost like
kindred spirits but no where near that level.  I needed a good hug.  "I
would suggest you take those home and hope that your final clue is here."
Auntie Ellie released me and held me at arms length, looking into my eyes.

   "No matter what, Will, I want you to remember something.  Love is a
powerful emotion.  Whether it works in favour of incest, as it did for me,
or in favour of family.  So no matter who you were with, I'm sure they will
remember who you are and what you mean to them, and they will forgive you."
Her words shone a small but strong light against the cold and dark of my
fears.

   "I truly hope so," I said to her.

   "I'm here if you need me." I smiled weakly, nodded, then turned to go.

   "Try your hardest to solve this puzzle, Will," Auntie Ellie called out.
"Because if what you did was by some chance incest, even with someone as
understanding as me..." I turned back to face Auntie Ellie, looking down at
me with eyes full of worry.

   "Then you'd better figure it out before they figure it out."

   ---

   to be continued....


   pics---->> http://bit.ly/1QdQXsD