Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Title: Reaching Out
Summary: Dana hid herself away.


Keywords: inc,fic



   James parked his car and sat a moment, looking at the old house.  The
rain was heavy and nearly falling sideways in the heavy winds.  The window
on the living room was bright and warm, and he could see his father and
mother walking about.  He smiled a bit and tried to cover himself as best
he could with his coat before opening the car door.

   --

   It was Dana who opened the front door for him.  They both smiled wide
and hugged.

   "Uck, you're all wet." Dana said, pulling back.

   "Yeah, sorry.  It's really coming down out there." He said, hanging his
coat on the hook.

   They went into the living room and he said his hellos.  He had been gone
for almost a year.  The last time he had been able to visit was just before
he had gotten his job.  He only lived two towns over, but he felt like it
was much farther.  He had not seen his mom in almost a month and hadn't
seen his dad or sister since his last visit.  He had missed them terribly
and was more than happy to be home again.

   He had ten days off from work and planned on spending all of it with his
family.  They all sat around the table for some catching up and a light
dinner.  Dad had been busy with his real estate ventures, and was doing
well with it.  His mother was finally making real headway with her leather
working business, enough so that Dana was now working for her in the shop
part time.

   After dinner and a long, happy conversation, they talked about sleeping
arrangements.

   "The thing is, your old room kind of got turned into my office.  So,
there's no bed or anything in there." His dad said.

   "No problem, I can crash on the couch.  I kind of figured you guys would
have used it for something else." James said with a smile.

   "That couch is kinda lumpy." Dana said, her voice quiet.  She was a
terribly shy girl.  She would only speak close to openly with her brother,
and somewhat openly with her mom.  When talking to her dad, it was as short
of answers as she could get away with, not making eye contact at all.

   "Nah, it'll be fine." James said.  He knew it was a little uncomfortable
but he thought it wouldn't be too bad.

   --

   James woke around three thirty.  His lower back felt like it was tied in
a horrible knot and his shoulders were stiff to the point that he had a
hard time sitting up.  His neck was stiff as well, and cracked loudly as he
rolled it from side to side.  He twisted at the waist carefully and his
spine sounded like a bag of popcorn in the microwave.  He sat for a while,
wondering if it was worth it to try to lie back down.  He really did not
want to wake again feeling like a pretzel, but he had no idea what he would
do for a few hours until someone woke up.  He went to the bathroom while he
thought.  He came out and went back to the living room and found Dana
sitting on the couch.  He could see her fairly well in the low light that
came in from the street light outside the house.  She was wearing sweat
pants and an old t-shirt.

   "What are you doing up?" James asked, sitting next to her.

   "I have insomnia.  I'm always up around this time." She answered,
looking down at her hands.

   "How long has this been going on?  I don't remember hearing about it."

   "A few years now, I think.  I just kind of started waking up earlier and
earlier.  Now I wake up around three thirty or four every morning." She
said.  She wouldn't look at him, but that was normal for Dana.

   "Have you told mom?  " James asked, concerned.

   "She knows I wake up early, but not how early.  I don't want her to
worry and make me go to a doctor.  I don't feel tired or anything, I just
don't sleep much." She said.  She was twisting and wringing her hands in
her lap.  Something she did when she was talking more than she wanted to.
James thought this might be the longest conversation he had had with her in
years.

   "Dana, even if you're not tired, you might need to see a doctor. 
Something could be wrong that needs to be checked out." James said.

   "OK.  If it goes on for too much longer, I'll tell mom, ok?" She said,
finally glancing up to him.

   "Ok." He answered, knowing this was probably the best he was going to
get out of her.  "So what do you do with all the time until mom and dad get
up?" He asked.

   "I used to do homework or just study.  Now that I'm out of school, I've
decided to learn how to draw." She said.

   "Really?  So you just sit and draw for a few hours, practicing?" He
asked.

   "Yes.  It's why I came down here.  I wanted to draw your face." She
said, nearly whispering as she pointed to the small sketchpad and pencil
resting between her feet.

   "No kidding?  Why didn't you just ask me to sit for you to draw me?" He
asked, smiling.  He felt rather flattered that she wanted to draw his face.

   She just shrugged in answer and stood up, gathering her pad and pencil
and walking out of the room swiftly.  James watched her go, surprised she
had stuck around and talked as long as she did.  James thought for a while
about what she had said, trying to imagine her sitting in her room for a
few hours every morning, just sketching and drawing, practicing shapes and
forms and shading and whatever.  He had a hard time doing it.  He thought
he would go mad trying to do something like that.

   --

   The sun was just coming up when his mom came down the stairs.  She was
dressed, but not for work.  She chatted with James over coffee at the small
kitchen table.

   "James I wanted to talk to you about something." She said, frowning a
little.

   "What's up?"

   "I'm worried about your sister.  You know how shy she is.  She doesn't
have any friends, she doesn't talk to any boys.  I don't want to watch her
grow up to be some kind of hermit, locking herself away from the world. 
She looks up to you quite a bit.  When I can get her talking a bit about it
she talks about you like you're her hero.  So I was wondering if you could
talk to her about coming out of her shell a little.  Trying to meet people,
you know?" She looked frustrated and worried in equal measure.

   "Well, I can try, but I don't know how much good it would do.  If a
person doesn't like talking to people, they don't like talking to people. I
don't think it's something you can just change with a couple of
conversations." James said.  He agreed that Dana should be more social but
he didn't think that trying to force the issue would do any good.  In fact
he thought it could make the problem worse if he wasn't careful about how
he did it.

   "Ok, but don't be forceful about it, please.  Just try to talk about it
like it's just something to consider is all.  Know what I mean?" She asked,
feeling like she couldn't quite word it right.  James understood what she
meant nonetheless.

   "Yeah, I get it.  I'll try.  I can't promise anything, but I'll try."
James answered.

   They turned the conversation to lighter topics after that, mostly how
his job was going, how hers was going, and current events, waiting for dad
and Dana to come down.

   --

   James, Dana, and mom spent the day at home; dad had a few showings he
had to take care of and would be gone most of the day.  Mom tried to get
Dana to talk with them a fair bit throughout the morning, but gave it up
after a while.  Dana seemed content to simply sit back and listen to the
conversation.  James tried to gauge how Dana had reacted to their mom
trying to get her to talk and thought that Dana had been close to leaving
when mom had finally relented.

   --

   James woke up just before four.  He was sore and stiff again.  He saw
Dana getting up from where she was seated on the floor and starting to
leave.

   "Dana, wait." He said, trying to clear the sleep from his head.  She
hesitated a moment, but left.  She went up the stairs down the hall
silently.  He stretched and let his joints and back crackle before
following her.  He started up the stairs, wincing at the seemingly
deafening creaks and groans of each step.  He began to wonder how Dana had
trotted up the stairs without a sound when they appeared to be made out of
rusty nails and chalkboards to his feet.  He wondered how often she crept
through the house without a sound while their parents slept.  It was a
little spooky.

   He creaked his way to her door.  Hers was the first in the hall.  The
next was his dad's office, then the bathroom, then his parents' room.  To
the left was just the railing that looked down on the living room, running
the length of the hall.  He saw a dim light coming from under Dana's door.
He tapped on the door softly, his head held close to the wood.  When she
didn't answer he opened the door and looked in.  She was sitting on her
bed, her legs crossed under her, the sketch pad in her lap.  Her hands were
folded, resting on it, the mechanical pencil jutting out from her laced
fingers.  She was looking down at her hands, and in the low light of the
single lamp sitting on her desk he could see that she was blushing madly.

   James stepped inside and closed the door as quietly as he could behind
him.  He saw that the walls were covered in drawings.  They were all evenly
spaced and aligned, with an even gap running between all of them, making
the walls look like a grid of tiles, each tile with its own illustration.
He was amazed at the quality and the quantity.  The pictures of people and
objects almost looked like black and white photographs, and the abstract
ones and the fractals were stunning in the complexity and clarity.

   James looked again to Dana.  She had not moved.  She sat there, looking
like little girl waiting to be punished for something.  James walked over
to the bed and sat next to her.  She turned her head a little, looking at
his chest, but that was about it.  He could see the drawing she was working
on under her hands.  It was just a basic sketch, but the few areas where
she began to create actual details were looking very good.  He had a hard
time believing that his quiet, shy sister was capable of such amazing work.

   "Dana, these are incredible.  You do know that, right?" He said, his
voice low.  It was the only thing he could think to say.  Dana just
shrugged a little and looked back down at her hands.

   "When you said you were learning to draw, I didn't think you meant you
were, like, an artist.  These are amazing.  Look at that one above your
lamp.  That looks exactly like dad when he's reading a book, the little
frowny line between his eyebrows and everything.  And the one next to the
light switch.  That looks like a psychedelic sea shell you would see on a
stoner poster in a head shop.  This is amazing." James said, looking around
at all the pictures again, struck again and again by the skill and beauty
in each one.

   Dana, meanwhile, sat silently, staring at her hands.  She did not look
at the pictures that James had pointed out.  She didn't need to, as she
knew every inch of them.  She simply sat still as a statue and listened to
his praise.  It meant quite a lot to her, but she did not know how to
express it.  For whatever reason, her social skills had never developed,
and she always felt out of place and awkwardly afraid around other people.
Even among her own family, she preferred to sit back in a corner and simply
observe.  She did not understand how people could just talk to one another,
chatting away like it was the easiest thing in the world.  She was
terrified that she would say something weird or stupid or offensive, and
she couldn't bear the thought of that kind of embarrassment.  Her social
anxiety was severe enough that she did not even like to make eye contact
for the most part, afraid that she might be thought to be staring, leering,
or something else.  So she stared at her hands and feet a lot, and when
looking to others she usually only looked to their hands or chest.

   She glanced up at James as he looked around her room.  Her eyes were
sharp, just like their mother's.  'They could spot a fly from horseback',
as her father liked to say.  Even in the low light she could see every
detail of his face in profile in just a moment.  For someone who did not
like to look people in the face, she was wonderful at studying them.  She
could read their emotions clearly in a moment and had developed her ability
to draw to the point where she could produce a rough sketch from that quick
glance.

   The pictures of her mom and dad were drawn without looking at them.  She
had done them sitting at her desk in the morning hours.  She did not need
to look at them to know every detail of how they looked in the expressions
she wanted to draw them in.  For James, she had wanted to draw him
perfectly.  So she had sat down next to him while he slept and studied him
closely.  She had just begun when he had stirred and opened his eyes.  She
did not know what to say to him, so she had left.  When he knocked on the
door she was too embarrassed to answer.  Now she wished she could just sink
through the bed and the floorboards below it and disappear.  His words
concerning her work made her heart sing but she was still mortified that he
had caught her watching him while he slept.  She felt like a creepy weirdo,
even though she knew it was just to draw his face.  The fact that she
couldn't bring herself to ask him to sit for her had meant she would have
to wait for him to be still on his own at a time when she could draw
without an interruption.  So, when he was asleep.

   "Have you shown these to anyone?" James asked, looking back to Dana. 
She was looking down at her hands.

   "Mom and dad have seen them.  Mom has me do all the decretive tooling on
the leather works now.  That's my job now." She said, her voice barely
above a whisper.

   "I can see why.  Have you shown anyone else?"

   "No."

   "Would you like to?" He doubted it, but he felt he had to ask.

   "Like who?" She said after a moment of thought.  It was more than James
had hoped for.

   "I don't know.  There must be a gallery or something in town or nearby,
or maybe you could post a few of them online or something.  These are
simply too beautiful to keep hidden away from the world." James said,
watching her for a reaction.  She was looking at his hands, but was still
as stone.

   "I don't know.  I couldn't ask someone to look at them." She finally
said.

   "What if I asked someone for you?  Would that work?" James asked.

   Dana looked up a bit at that, almost meeting James' eyes for a moment.

   "I guess so.  If I didn't have to talk to them.  I guess that might
work. Why would anyone want to look at them though?  They're just little
drawings." She said.  She knew that she was pretty good with her little
pencil, but honestly did not think that her work was anything special or
worth someone else's time.  She just figured they were a good hobby for her
that she enjoyed.  She liked to look at the drawings, but did not think
that others would.

   "Dana, these are far more than 'just little drawings.' These are
beautiful.  Trust me, people will want to see them." James said, and put
his arm around her shoulders.  He knew she needed reassurance in many
things, and was more than happy to supply it.  She smiled a bit, still
looking down, and rested her head on his shoulder.

   "Ok.  Show someone.  But I don't want to talk to them.  Not if I don't
have to." She said.

   "Deal.  Would you, um, do you want me to sit still for you to draw?  So
you don't have to wait until I'm asleep?" He asked.  He felt awkward at the
thought of trying to sit for a picture, but if she wanted him to he would.

   She was quiet for a while.  James was about to ask again when she
finally answered.  She looked up and smiled her small, almost sad smile.

   "Yes.  That would be nice.  Thank you."

   James sat back on the bed and rested against the wall.  He sat as still
as he could as Dana went to work.  As soon as the pencil began moving her
demeanor changed.  Her little smile went away, her face became a neutral
blank, devoid of emotion.  Her head barely moved when she looked from the
pad to him.  Her eyes would glance up sharply, piercing and intense just
under her eyebrows, then back down to the pad.  Her hand moved at a manic
pace across the page.  He wondered how she could control the movement of
the pencil with any degree of accuracy at the speed that her hand moved. 
Each stroke looked like a hard slash, but the pencil moving over the paper
was almost silent, so she couldn't be putting much pressure on it.  He was
drawn to her eyes again and again as they flicked up to him.

   They were the slate grey of their mother's eyes.  Clear and light.  He
was entranced by them.  She seemed to be looking at him and through him at
the same time.  He knew she didn't like to look people in the face, and
wondered if this was why.  If it was because she looked like she was seeing
so very deep into their mind with every glance.  As she studied his face,
he studied hers.  Her eyes, always too big for her face as a child, now
looked stunning.  Wide and almost almond shaped.  Her cheeks were smooth
and flat, as was her chin.  Her lips were thin and pale, just like their
father's, giving her a serious look even when she was relaxed.  Her nose
was the thin, smooth slope that he had as well.  Her hair was black, thick,
and straight, framing her pale skin nicely.  She let it hide her face
often. Now, it served to highlight the face it surrounded.

   He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but it was a while.  When Dana sat
up and set her pencil aside her demeanor changed like a light switch again.
The blank intensity vanished and her shy innocence took its place in an
instant.  She smiled a little and held the sketch pad to her chest, hugging
it tight, looking down at the bed.

   James smiled a bit and waited.  If she wanted to show him her work, she
would.  After a moment, she glanced up at him and held the pad out, her
face a bright crimson.

   James saw himself looking back.  His face in the picture looked serene
and confident.  It was true to life, even down to the light stubble on his
jaw and the ruffled hair.  He was stunned by the skill it so clearly
displayed.  He looked up to Dana.  She was staring at her hands again, her
hair hiding her face.

   James scooted over to her and put his arms around her, holding her
tight. Her arms went around him instantly, her face buried in his shoulder.


   "Dana, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  How could you not
show anyone that you can do this?" He asked, his breath tickling her neck.

   "It's just a drawing." She answered, her voice muffled a bit.

   "It's more than that." He answered.

   --

   That day James went into town while everyone else went to work.  He had
looked for and found an art gallery on the other side of town in the
phonebook.  It was the only one in three counties, so he felt he had lucked
out there.  He arrived with a briefcase full of Dana's work.  Many
portraits and many abstracts.  He spoke to the curator for a bit in his
office and showed him the pictures.  While the curator agreed that the work
showed impressive skill he said that he could not accept new works at the
time.  He suggested scanning them and gave James a list of websites to post
them to that would ensure they were seen by many people.

   While James was disappointed that the gallery wouldn't take them, he was
glad to have a list of websites where they would be seen.  That was his
intent, after all, that the world could see what Dana could create.  He
could tell she liked the idea of other people liking her work, even if she
did not understand why they did.  He got home and hopped onto his laptop,
checking out the websites.

   Most of them looked pretty good, with a couple that seemed to be focused
on pencil and pen works like Dana's.  He bookmarked the sites and shut the
computer down.  He was about to call his dad's cell to see if he had a
scanner at work when he heard the door open.

   Dana came in, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a pair of heavy gloves.  She
saw James and smiled before looking away.  She tossed aside the gloves and
started towards the stairs.

   "I talked to a gallery today." James said before she could climb the
first step.  She stopped, but didn't turn toward him.

   "The guy said he couldn't take new works right now, but he gave me a
list of websites that would take them.  Sites where a lot of people would
see them." He said, watching her carefully.  She didn't look disappointed,
but she didn't look overjoyed either.  She gave a small nod and went
upstairs, silent as ever.  James let her go, and called his dad to ask
about a scanner.

   --

   James knocked on Dana's door lightly.  He could barely hear her say come
in.  He entered and shut the door behind him.  She was sitting on her bed
like before, except now she had a book instead of her sketch pad in her
lap. James sat next to her.

   "Dad is going to scan the pictures you gave me tomorrow, and I'll have
them posted on most of the websites by dinner, if that's alright with you."
He said.

   She nodded and smiled a little.  She was looking at his chest.

   "There's something I wanted to talk to you about.  About you being so
shy." He began, weighing his words carefully.  She didn't react so far.

   "I know you don't like talking to people, but I don't know why.  Is it
really just you being timid, or is it something else?" He asked, his voice
soft and quiet.  He didn't realize it, but his voice patterns were starting
to mimic hers almost perfectly.  He didn't think she was going to respond,
but he was going to give her as long as she needed to decide.  After a
while she looked up at him.  Her eyes were like they were when she was
drawing him.  Piercing.  Focused.

   "I don't know how to act like a person.  I don't know what to say.  I
don't know what to do with my hands or my face or my body.  I am
embarrassed because people will think that I am weirder than they already
think I am.  I can't stand that embarrassment, so I avoid it.  I don't want
my family to think I am stranger than you do already so I don't talk to you
unless I have to." She said.  Her eyes never wavered or flinched as she
spoke, even as the tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks.  When she
finished, he saw her eyes soften in the instant before she looked back down
to her hands.  He saw more tears falling but she did not make a sound, and
her shoulders did not shake or sob.  She wept silently and as still as a
statue.

   James shifted over next to her and wrapped his arms around her.  Her
arms crept around his waist held tight.  He felt the damp of her tears on
his chest.  He could feel her pulse in his arms.  Her heart rate was slow
and steady.  Even when upset, she was the same; like a rock.  After a
while, he shifted his head so his mouth was close to her ear, and began to
talk to her in an almost silent whisper.

   "Most people don't know how to act like people.  I don't.  Mom doesn't.
Neither does dad.  All people do is say and do what they feel.  If they
feel like swinging their arms like a loon and yodeling for a laugh, they
do. If people laugh, great.  If they don't, oh well, it's not the end of
the world.  I have no idea what I am going to say to you next, it's not a
script or a speech that's planned out or that's expected of me, I am simply
telling you what I feel, as I feel it.  That's all anyone really ever does.
The ones that hide their feelings away and do things and say things that
they do not feel are usually doing it for personal gain or for bad reasons.
That's just the way people are.  It's not as complex as it seems.  I think
sometimes it's the simplicity that makes it seem like there has to be a
complex mechanism behind it.  But there isn't.  There are just people and
how they feel.  That's all there really ever is." He said.  He was rubbing
her back slowly, his hushed tone and words soothing her.  She sat back and
looked up at him.  Her eyes were a little red rimmed, but not nearly as
intense as they were before.  Now they were the soft eyes he had glimpsed
before she had turned away.

   "It can't be that simple.  What if I don't know what I feel, or don't
feel anything?" She asked, frowning a little.

   "That's easy.  You say 'I don't know.' Just like you feel.  If someone
says something or asks something and you don't know how to respond, just
say I don't know.  Just what you feel."

   She looked back down at her hands again before leaning forward and
hugging James again.  He just held her for a while.  She seemed to need it.

   --

   They gathered for dinner.  When everyone was seated, James noticed a bit
of apprehension.  He asked what was up.

   "Well," Dad started, "I think that it's great that Dana is going to be
showing her artwork.  I don't want to put you in a spotlight, honey, I know
you don't like that, but I am glad you are showing it." He said, trying to
be careful.  Dana froze, her hand halfway to her fork.  She glanced from
her mother to her father, then to James.  As her eyes went to James she
felt his hand take hers under the table and give a slight squeeze.  He gave
her a small smile as well.  She seemed to relax at that, and her other hand
finished grabbing her fork.

   "Thank you Daddy.  I...  I think it might be neat to see if other people
like to see the things I draw." She said.  Her voice was stilted and quiet,
but clear.

   "The curator at the gallery across town said that you have a lot of real
talent, and that if he could take on new work now he would gladly take
yours.  I think that is a pretty good indication that others like your
work." James said softly, not quite looking at Dana, and giving her hand a
squeeze, trying to keep her at ease despite her being at the center of
attention.  It seemed to be working, for the time being.

   "I should say so.  See, it's not just me that thinks you have real
talent, dear.  Since you started doing all the design tooling on the
leatherworks sales have increased dramatically.  It's not from me dropping
prices or anything, it's from your talent." Mom said, reaching over to
brush back a stray lock of Dana's hair.  Dana sat still for a moment, just
staring at the table next her mom's plate before getting up and leaving
while mumbling a quick apology.

   James immediately held up his hand to calm his parents and reassure
them.

   "No no, let her go, I'll talk to her in a bit.  It's alright.  You
didn't say anything wrong, she's not mad at you or anything, ok?  She just
doesn't know how to interact with people." James said quietly.  He
explained the discussion he had earlier with her.  It was more than she had
explained to her parents in her entire life.  They had thought for a long
time that she might be autistic, in the Asperger part of the spectrum, or
perhaps sociophobic (James was rather sure that it was a form of this), or
suffer Selective Mutism, maybe even Avoidant Personality Disorder.  But the
doctor they had taken her to as a child had reassured them that she was
none of those.  She was just a very shy, introverted, and very intelligent
girl.  He suggested that in time she would reach out to the world on her
own.  A little at a time, but eventually she would.

   James explained that she was scared of people thinking that she was
stranger than they already thought she was and thought the best way to
avoid that was to avoid people.  He thought he could help her with that. 
After a long talk over the remains of their meal, his parents agreed that
he may be able to help.  He already seemed to have a better connection with
her than anyone else.

   --

   James knocked on the door and got no answer.  After a moment he entered
anyway.  All the lights were out, and the room was almost completely black.
Being on the back of the house, her window had no street light to brighten
it at night.  Dana kept a clean room, though, and he could make out her
desk in the afterglow of the set sun through the window.  He set down her
dinner plate and the glass of water and sat on the edge of her bed.  She
was lying on her side, facing the wall.

   "Please leave me alone." She said, her voice rough and quiet.

   "No," he said softly, not unkindly, "mom and dad are just trying to be
nice.  They aren't mad at you, and they don't think you are weird." He
said, rubbing her arm.  She rolled onto her back and looked up at him.  He
could only see the basic shape of her face.  He did not know that her sharp
eyes saw his face almost clearly.  All his features were visible to her. 
She knew he was like dad, almost blind in the dark.  He probably didn't
know his face looked sad, and he probably couldn't make out her face very
well.

   "How could they not think I am weird?  I run away whenever someone talks
to me." She said, watching his face closely.  He smiled a dopey, lopsided
grin that she doubted he even realized was there, much less thought she
saw.

   "And I run away every time someone yells at me.  So what?  It happens.
They know you don't like attention.  They understand a little." He said.

   Dana watched him for a moment, reading his face, and saw nothing but
sincerity there.  She relaxed a little.  James reached up carefully and ran
his finger down her cheek, from the corner of her eye to the corner of her
mouth, the way he had when they were kids and she was crying about
something.  The small gesture raised a lump in her throat, but she had
nowhere left to run.  She sat up in the bed and looked at James.  He
couldn't see it, but that intense stare was back.

   "I'm all alone." She said quietly.  She watched him carefully.  He
frowned a bit, and looked both confused and concerned.

   "No, you're not, it just seems that way.  You have a family that loves
you very much.  We are always with you." He answered.  His face was earnest
and honest.  He meant every word he said.

   "I know you guys are here.  But I cannot talk to anyone.  I am all
alone." She replied, trying to phrase it the way it felt.  James tilted his
head slightly for a moment, brow furrowed, thinking through what she had
said.  Then his face opened; his eyes opened wide again and a small smile
played about his lips.

   "You can talk to me, can't you?  I mean, we have been talking, right?"
he asked, hoping she would see that she was not alone.  She was quiet,
watching his face, reading his expression.  She thought he may be right. 
She was talking to him, more than she had talked to anyone before.  And
while she didn't feel great about talking to him, it wasn't nearly as bad
as talking to everyone else.

   "I suppose.  I don't know." She said, sounding wary.

   "You can tell me anything Dana.  Anything at all.  Anything ever.  I
will never think you are strange for it.  Not ever, not even once. 
Consider me completely safe to talk to.  If you want, I will swear to never
tell anyone what you and I talk about if it will make you feel better." He
said.  He wanted her to feel safe talking to him.  Only by talking with
someone would she develop the courage to talk to others, so she would need
a safe place to start.

   "Anything at all?" She asked quietly, watching.  So far she had seen
nothing but truth in his face.

   "Anything." He affirmed.  She saw only truth now.

   She was silent while she considered it.  Her eyes never left him.  He
had realized she was looking at him with that steely gaze when she said she
didn't know.  He now felt like even though he couldn't quite make out her
eyes, he could feel her gaze boring into his skull.  It was a little
unnerving.  She leaned forward slowly until her face was almost close
enough to kiss and spoke in a low voice.

   "I like the dark better than the light because I can see better than
everyone else in the dark.  Mom is the same way" She said.  Her tone was
flat, relaying information matter-of-factly.  James nodded and said ok. 
Dana watched him a moment longer then wrapped her arms around him.  She had
never felt so free in her life.

   --

   James woke just after three, the familiar pain sunk deep into his spine.
He looked over and there was Dana, sitting on the floor next to the couch,
looking at him.

   "Hi." He said, blinking slowly.

   "Hi.  You whistle a tiny bit at the end of your inward breath." She
answered.

   "Good to know." James said as he sat up.  His back did its usual crackle
and pop.  Dana's eyes widened at the sound.

   "Don't worry, it'll feel better in a couple hours." He said with a small
smile, rubbing at the small of his back.

   "It'll last longer and longer the more nights you sleep here." She said.

   "Maybe.  I'll be fine though." He replied.

   She looked like she didn't quite buy that but didn't say anything.

   "Not drawing this morning?" He asked.

   "Not today.  I was hoping we could.  Talk." She said, sticking on the
last word.  She looked like she was forcing herself to say it, and he
figured in a way she was.

   "Of course.  What would you like to talk about?" He said, happy that she
was embracing the idea of communicating with someone.

   "Not here.  Let's sit on my bed.  I'm comfortable there." She said as
she stood up.

   He followed her up the stairs, watching where she stepped.  Event
stepping in the same places that she did, he must have been shifting his
weight wrong or something because he still produced a couple squeaks in the
wake of her ninja-like silence.  They sat on the bed, and Dana turned off
the lamp, leaving the room in darkness.  James was effectively blind, but
Dana still saw dim shapes.  Not much, but more that James.  She could see
where he was and if he was shifting around or leaning.  She couldn't make
out his face, but she didn't feel like she needed to this time.  She
trusted him.

   "What did you want to talk about?" James asked, hoping he was facing at
least in her general direction, though he figured it didn't matter much in
the dark.

   "I'm not entirely sure.  I just.  I want to talk to someone.  Talk
without fear.  Talk without judgment.  You said we could do that." She
said, sounding wary, cautious.

   "Yes.  And I meant it.  No judgment here, not now, not ever.  Would you
like to talk about work?  Or art?  Or something else?  What interests you?"

   She was quiet for a long time.  James sat patiently, he knew she needed
time to prepare herself for something like this.  What he did not expect
was the topic she had in mind.

   "I want to know about relationships.  The intimate kind.  I figure you
have been in a few.  I was wondering if you could tell me a little about
them and how they work.  I have read a lot of books, but I do not think
that they are accurate models of what actually happens." She said.  She
sounded almost scared.

   "Ok.  Not what I was expecting, but if that's what you want to know
about, ok.  What do you want to know?"

   "How do people know if they are, you know, compatible?  Is it something
that is readily apparent or is it something that you have to really look
for?" She asked, her voice faltering a bit.  He could hear the
embarrassment in her voice, but was fiercely proud of her for pressing on
regardless.

   "It's something that two people just kind of realize over time.  As time
goes by and the people get to know one another better, they start to see
where their personalities mesh and where they don't.  If there is more
meshing than not, they usually stick together.  If not, they call it
quits."

   "What about, about." She took a deep breath before continuing.  "What
about sex.  Is it something that just happens, or is it decided on?" She
finally asked.

   "Well, a bit of both, I think.  People can usually tell if the other
person is interested in sex.  It's usually pretty apparent." He said.  He
had never really thought of his sister as a sexual being before, and now
realized that with her personality sex would be all but impossible.  He
wondered if that forced celibacy was what was driving this conversation.

   She was quiet for a while after that.  He began to think about her more
and more in a sexual way, how difficult it would be for her to meet someone
and to get to the point where sex would be an issue.  He simply didn't see
it happening.

   "How do mom and dad sleep together in the same bed?  Don't they worry
about shifting around and waking the other one up?" She asked, sounding
almost like she was talking to herself.

   "No, most people either sleep on either side with a gap between them or
right next to each other so that they can't move much.  I think it's
actually very comfortable to spoon behind a woman.  Very relaxing.  It's a
very intimate act for two people to share, and it's something most couples
do every night." He explained.  He had never really considered it before,
it had always just been something he had done without thinking.

   "Relaxing?  To have someone basically laying on you?" She sounded
skeptical.

   "Think of it like a hug for when you are lying down." He said, smiling
at the thought.

   "I don't know." She said quietly.

   "Come here." He said, and held his arms out.

   "What?"

   "Come here." He repeated.  He felt her shift closer and he wrapped his
arms around her.  Then he leaned them over on their side, holding her
close. When they were down, he straightened his legs and nudged hers into
place.  Soon they stilled and just lay there, silent.  James had his face
in the deep mat of her thick hair, smelling the scent of her.  His hands
rested on her stomach, and her hands were on top of his.  Her feet were
tangled with his.  She began to move slightly, and James thought she was
crying for a moment.  Then he realized she was trying to laugh silently.

   "What's funny?" He asked, unable to keep a grin from his mouth.

   "Your breath tickles my neck." She said, giggling a little.

   "Sorry." He answered, pulling his head back.

   "No it's alright.  It feels.  It feels nice.  I think I like this.  I
think I can see why people would want to sleep this way." She said.  She
actually sounded relaxed.  They stayed that way for a while, not talking,
not anything, just enjoying the feeling of each other.  When the sun
started to creep through the window they sat up.  Dana grabbed her sketch
pad and did a little drawing while James went to start the coffee.

   --

   The websites were easy enough to sign up for, and easy enough to post
the pictures on.  Dana sat next to James as he went through them so she
would know how to go about it after he was gone.  When they had all the
pictures they had scanned posted Dana gave James a wide smile and a big hug
before darting away up the stairs.  James watched her go and smiled.  He
thought about that morning.  He didn't know why he had shown her what he
meant about spooning.  He probably should have just explained it a bit
better, but it seemed like a good idea to just show her what he meant. 
Staying that way as long as they had, though, he thought was probably not
good at all.  But it had felt nice, and Dana had clearly enjoyed it.  If it
was innocent, then what harm could there be?  If it was helping to show
Dana that human contact did not have to be a worrisome thing, then it was a
good thing, right?  He gave a mental shrug and shut down the computer,
deciding to help his mom with dinner to get his mind off of it.

   --

   They sat down to eat, and the conversation flowed normally.  Mom, dad,
and James talking, with Dana only listening.  When mom asked Dana if wanted
to post more of her pictures on the web, James felt Dana's hand grasp his
thigh under the table before she answered.

   "I suppose.  I may post more if people like the ones that are up." She
said softly, staring at her plate.  James placed his hand over hers on his
leg and gave it a squeeze, trying to reassure her.  She gave a small smile
before going back to her meal.  Talk wandered back to the usual and James
was happy to see that Dana stayed for the entire meal, and that she seemed
rather calm throughout, not very nervous at all.

   After dinner James gathered the dishes in the sink to clean them,
telling his mother to go relax.  He was just starting in when Dana seemed
to appear next to him.  He did not hear her walking up.  He jumped a little
and smiled.

   "Hey, what's up?" He asked.

   "I just, um.  Did you want help?  With drying or anything?" She asked,
shifting from foot to foot.

   "That would be great.  Thank you." He said, happy to see her making the
offer.  They washed and dried without talking, Dana seeming to be happy
simply to be helping.  James was happy with it too.  He knew that talking
with her was not necessary for her to feel more comfortable dealing with
people.  Simple interactions like this were something that she would need
to do to get more accustomed to dealing with people in a more normal basis.


   When the last dish was done and put away James turned to Dana.  She
looked at his chest.

   "Thank you for helping.  I appreciate it." He said, knowing that this
simply courtesy was important for her.  She didn't answer, but smiled a bit
and reached out to give his hand a brief squeeze before leaving.  James
hoped that he was making progress with her.  It felt like he was, but he
thought he may just be making progress with her interacting with the
family, and that she may still may have all the same trouble with the rest
of the world.  He hoped she would be able to cope with the outside world.
He felt she deserved that, at the very least.

   --

   Later that night, before bed, James went to Dana's room and knocked on
the door.  She opened the door and he stepped in.  The only light was the
small lamp.  James got the feeling that it was the only light she ever
used. He looked over to Dana and stopped.  She was wearing sweatpants and a
gauzy thin t-shirt that clearly showed everything underneath.  Her breasts
were readily apparent.

   "Uh, Dana, that shirt is pretty see through.  Did you know that?" He
said, turning away, feeling like he should have turned away far sooner than
he actually did.

   Dana looked down and crossed her arms over her breasts.

   "Oh." She said faintly before putting her robe on over the shirt and
closing it.  "Sorry.  I didn't think about that." She said, her face bright
red.  She went to the bed and sat, letting her hair cover her face.

   James went and sat next to her.  She scooted away and turned her face
away from him.  He frowned and asked what was wrong.  She glanced at him
quickly before looking back down at his legs.

   "My shirt.  You didn't want to see that.  But I didn't think about it
and you saw, and now you are probably disgusted." She said, her voice
sounding small and uneven.

   James cupped her chin his hand and turned her face up to his so he could
look her in the eye.

   "Dana, I could never be disgusted by you." He said each word slowly and
with emphasis.  When he released her she held his gaze.  "I just didn't
know if you knew the shirt was that revealing.  I figured you did not want
me to see you that way.  That's all.  I wasn't disgusted or anything.  How
could I be?  You are very pretty and you have a lovely body." He said.

   She looked at him a moment longer before looking back to his legs.

   "I don't know." She said simply.

   "About what?"

   "About me being pretty.  I don't think that I am." She said quietly. 
Her hands were wringing themselves a bit.

   "You may not think so, but I do.  So does mom and dad.  So did a bunch
of my friends in high school.  So do many people who see you.  Whether you
think you are or not, others do." He said.  Dana looked up at this and
smiled a little.  She opened her mouth to say something, paused, then
closed it again and looked down.

   "What is it?" He asked quietly.

   "It's nothing.  It was something stupid." She said, shaking her head a
little.

   "Dana, it's me.  Remember?  You can ask or tell me anything.  What is
it?"

   "Am I.  Would someone.  I mean, would I be attractive to somebody?  I
guess that's what I wanted to ask." She said, stumbling over the words, her
face blushing madly.  She was looking down at her hands as they thrashed
around her lap, wringing mercilessly.

   James put his hands over hers, and they stilled immediately.  When she
looked up she saw that he was smiling and his face was kind and caring.

   "Of course you are attractive.  You may not feel that way, or you may
not know if you feel that way, but you are.  Very much so." He said softly.

   She smiled and put her arms around him, pressing her burning cheeks to
his chest, hiding her smile against his shirt.  He held her and rubbed her
back, happy that he could make her smile.  He really did think that she was
pretty, and he could not deny that the sight of her in the translucent
shirt had grabbed attention like a steel vice.  He felt a little troubled
that he was having such thoughts and feelings about his sister, especially
given her uniquely vulnerable state of mind, but he pushed it aside.  The
need to help her trumped any troubles he may have.

   Dana looked up at James and James found himself under her sharp, focus
gaze again, this time from only inches away.  The effect was powerful.

   "How do I know that I am attractive?  How can I tell if someone likes
me?" She asked, her soft voice a contradiction to her hard stare.  Without
thinking James leaned forward and kissed her.  Her lips were soft and warm.
She was still a moment before pressing back against him.  Her arms
tightened around him.  When James' mind finally turned back on he wondered
what the hell he was doing.  He broke the kiss and leaned back, being
careful to do so slowly, without looking like he had suddenly come to his
senses.

   "Dana.  I don't know why I did that.  I wasn't thinking.  I don't think
it's something we should have done.  I'm sorry." He said, his voice and
words hesitating and embarrassed.  He was blushing as deeply as Dana now.
She was still holding onto him, but looking down to his chest.

   "I know.  I shouldn't have kissed back but it felt good.  I've never
kissed anyone before." She said.

   James let his hands slide from around her and he sat back a little on
the bed, trying to get a little space between them.  He was desperately
trying to figure out how to repair this damage to their fragile
relationship that they had built over the last few days.

   "No judgment, right James?" She asked suddenly, looking down at the bed
between them.

   "Uh, yes.  No judgment.  I'm not blaming you for what happened, it was
my fault, I-" He began.

   "That's not what I meant.  I was asking." She said.  Her cheeks were
getting red again.

   "Yes, no judgment.  What is it?" He asked, worried that he knew what she
was going to say.

   "Kiss me again, please." She said softly.  She was still looking down at
the bed, but her eyes were darting between the bed and his legs.  He was
torn.  He did not want to refuse her and possibly hurt her feelings and
self-esteem, not to mention the no judgment trust they had established, but
he did not think that kissing her again could lead to anything good either.
After a moment he decided.  He scooted toward her and put his palm on her
cheek, letting his fingers sink into her thick, smooth hair.  The ball of
his thumb ran lightly across her cheekbone, just under her eye, and he
leaned in and kissed her again.

   This time her response was immediate.  Her arms went around his neck and
held tight.  His other hand found and rested lightly on her hip.  She made
a small moaning sound deep in her throat and he felt her open her lips.  He
was surprised to feel her tongue flick cross his lips twice before she
pulled away.  She was smiling widely and had her lower lip trapped lightly
in her teeth when she pulled back.  She simply stared at his chest and
caught her breath.

   "Dana, that was nice.  But I don't think it's something we should do. 
It's not something siblings usually do." He said, a little out of breath
himself.  It was hard to say that they should not continue with it as he
very much so wanted to kiss her again.  He found that he wanted to kiss her
and hold her and more.  It was a very guilt ridden and confused array of
feelings and thoughts.  But he had to put her needs and well-being before
any of his simple desires.  What he wanted was nothing compared to what she
needed.  He knew that.

   "I know.  I just wanted to try it when I was ready for it.  In case I
never get a chance to kiss someone." She said, her voice sad and hushed. 
James almost started crying when he heard that.

   "Please don't say that Dana, I am sure you will meet someone eventually
that you can be with.  You may not think it can happen, but it can, in
time. You won't be alone forever." He said, not sure that it was the truth,
but hopeful.

   "I may not though.  I doubt I will.  I wanted to have a chance now while
I could.  That is all.  I am sorry if it bothered you." She said, turning
away from him.  He was quiet a moment, just trying to think.  It seemed
like his mind was trying to work through a wall of thick mud.

   "It doesn't bother me, really." He finally managed to say, taking her
hand.  "I'm just saying that it's not something we should do.  It doesn't
bother me to kiss a beautiful woman.  Far from it.  But please don't think
that you will be alone forever.  I don't think you will be." He said.

   Dana was quiet for a while, turning his hand over and running her
fingers along the lines of his palm.  She looked like a palm reader you
might see on the board walk without all the hokey costume and accent.

   "If I wasn't your sister, would you want to be with me?" She asked.  Her
voice hitched when she said sister, and she was close to tears.  Her
fingers kept tracing their lines.

   "Yes.  Yes I would." James answered immediately.  It was the truth.  He
knew that a relationship like that would be very difficult to start and
hard to maintain, but he would try.  For a woman like Dana, he would try
very hard indeed.

   "Ok." Dana said.  She released his hand and went still again.

   --

   Almost like clockwork, James woke up early.  Just after three.  He sat
up and saw Dana.  She was sitting next to the couch like usual.  She had
her sketch pad next to her, but did not try to hide it or run away.  She
was in her sweatpants and the translucent shirt.  She was not wearing a
bra, and her body was on clear display, as it was before.  She made no
effort to hide it, though she still would not look James in the eye.

   "Dana, that shirt," He began as his back crackled

   "I know.  You said you were worried about if I was worried about what
you saw.  I am not.  I am ok with you seeing my body." She said.  She
sounded a little unsure of herself, but that was normal and James could not
tell if it was because she did not know how he would react to her display
or if it was her usual timidity.

   "Alright.  I guess if it doesn't bother you, then there is no reason for
it to bother me." James said, very unsure of the logic, but careful not to
show any kind of rejection.  He knew he had to be very cautious with any
rejection he gave.

   "Could we talk?  If it's ok?" She asked.

   "Of course."

   "Ok.  Let's go to my bed, please."

   "More comfortable there." He said, not quite a question.

   "Yes.  It's where I draw, where I think, where I read.  It is my
sanctuary.  Mom and dad do not come into my room.  They do not step past
the door.  They know I don't like it." She said as they went up the stairs.

   "Then why do you let me in?" He asked.  He was getting better on the
stairs, only three creaks came from underfoot.

   "You're different.  You always have been.  Now you are a kind of safe
zone as well.  No judgment.  So you can't harm my sanctuary." She
explained. They sat on the bed in the dark, James blind and Dana with
minimal vision.

   "I like talking to you.  It isn't easy, and it doesn't always feel good
to do it, but I think I should be talking to you more." She said quietly.

   "Well I like talking to you as well.  It is good to see you talking
more, communicating.  Mom is scared that you will keep yourself closed away
from the world forever.  I don't think you will.  Not if you are starting
to talk more.  It is a good start." He replied.

   "I don't think I'll ever be like most people, but I think I may be able
to talk to people a little bit someday." She said.  James was finding that
having these conversations in the dark were strange but enjoyable.  He
could not see her; her expressions, her reactions.  He knew that she could
not see his either.  It made them weigh the responses entirely by the voice
and the words.  Inflection and tone were as important as definition and
context.  It was a novel experience.

   "I don't think it would be good to be like most people.  I think you
should be yourself, but I hope that you can one day be yourself around
other people, so that you are not alone."

   "I would like that, I think." She said.  He could hear the hint of a
chuckle at the end of her words and he knew the idea delighted her more
than she was letting on.

   "Have you given much thought to the type of person you would like to be
with?  In a relationship, I mean." He asked.  She was silent.  He had
enough time to wonder if he had made a mistake in asking when he felt a
hand brush his arm.  She pulled his hands around her waist as she laid
down, taking him with her, so that he was spooned behind her.  James
supposed it was all the answer he really needed.

   "So someone like me then." He said softly into the back of her neck.

   "Something like that." She whispered.  She sounded sad, and he knew what
she meant as soon as she said it.

   "Dana, we couldn't.  You have to know that." He said.  He could hear the
strain in his own voice, and hated it.  It clearly showed that he wanted to
but was saying otherwise.

   "I know.  But that's just the way it is.  It's the way I feel.  I can't
help it." She answered.  Her hands tightened on his on her stomach and she
pressed a little more firmly against him.

   "I'm not saying not to feel that way, because people can't help the way
they feel.  I'm saying that we can't be together.  How would we?  Mom and
dad would, well, I don't even know how they would react.  We couldn't marry
or anything like that.  Children would be risky genetically.  There are
many reasons, cultural and practical, why we couldn't Dana." He said,
trying to be gentle but firm.

   "I know.  But it's the way I feel." She answered simply.  He could not
argue that her answer encompassed everything his did in far less words.  It
covered everything that mattered.  It was a simple truth.

   They held each other in silence for a while.  James was wondering if
Dana had fallen asleep when she rolled over in his arms.  He felt the tip
of her nose on the tip of his.  He ran his finger from her eye to her mouth
like he used to and felt wetness.  She was crying.

   "No judgment, right?" She asked softly.  Her hands were resting on his
chest, her fingers rubbing back and forth in small arcs.

   "No judgment." He confirmed, his voice a little hoarse.

   He felt her lips peck at his lightly, there and gone.  She kissed him
several times, each a little longer than the last.  The last one she held
for a long time, letting her tongue taste his lips, his teeth, the tip of
his tongue, before she pulled back with a small whimpering sound in her
throat.  James did not know what to do or say.  He simply kissed her
forehead and held her tighter.

   --

   When the sun began to brighten the room Dana stood up and went to her
closet.  She did not wait for James to leave before changing.  He was still
sitting up when she pulled off her shirt.  He had just stood as she dropped
her sweatpants.  When she stood in just her panties, she looked up to him,
her face a careful neutral, her eyes clear and sharp.  James simply looked
back at her for a moment.  She was beautiful.  He walked to her slowly,
stopping when he was directly in front of her.  She looked down to his
chest, her cheeks going red as he approached.  James put a finger under her
chin and tilted her head up to his.  He kissed her gently and moved his
mouth next to her ear.

   "You are beautiful." He whispered.  With that, he turned and left.  He
did not trust himself to stay any longer.

   James started the coffee maker and stood at the counter, watching it
brew, leaning against the fridge.  His mind was a whirlwind.  He had no
idea how to proceed.  He felt like he was adrift in a stormy sea.  He
turned when he heard the clump of feet on the stairs.  His dad came in,
dressed and shaved but still looking half asleep.  His mother was right
behind.  She looked completely awake and alert, like she did every morning.

   "Coffee will be up soon." James said, taking a seat.  His mother sat
next to him.

   "How is it going with Dana?  I know you two have been spending a bit of
time together.  Has she been talking?" She asked, the anxiety on her face
was clear.

   James wondered how she would react if he told her everything that he and
Dana had been discussing and doing.  He had to fight to suppress a chuckle
that wanted to escape at the thought.

   "We've been talking a bit.  She's doing better.  But this is a process,
it's not something that will happen overnight.  This will probably take
years, so don't be surprised or critical when she runs away from
conversations or situations in the future, but yes, she has been talking
more." James began.  He saw his mother's face instantly flood with relief.
Any progress was more than welcome with her.

   "She is very smart, and very observant, but she simply does not
understand a lot of social interactions.  It's just not there." He
explained.

   "Well, what have you two been talking about?" She asked.  This was a
question that James expected but nearly dreaded.  He did not want to keep
anything from his parents, but he would not betray his sister's confidence
either.

   "I'm sorry, mom, but I promised her that what we talked about would
remain between Dana and I.  Please understand that.  She is scared of
saying the wrong things to people, so telling you what she says would be
the same as her talking to you in her mind.  Do you see how she sees it?"
James said, trying to lay it out as clear as he could.

   "Yes, I think so.  I would like to know what you are talking about, but
I won't force it.  You're both adults, after all.  Well, just let me know
if she needs anything.  She won't tell me if she does." Mom said, frowning.

   James gave a mental sigh, happy that she had understood.  He really did
not want to have to argue the point with her.  He would have if she had
pressed, but that did not mean he wanted to.

   --

   When Dana walked in from work, James was sitting on the couch, tooling
around on his laptop.  He set it aside when she came in.  She smiled wide
when she saw him standing up.  She walked directly over to him, tossing her
gloves onto the little stand where she left them on her way, and wrapped
her arms around him.  She wouldn't look up to his face, but she would hold
him tight the way his former lovers had.

   "Hello." She said.

   "Hello." He answered.  She turned her face up to his, her bottom lip
caught in her teeth, her face looking hopeful.  James smiled a bit and
leaned forward and kissed her.  She returned it strongly.  When she backed
down she rested her head back on his chest.

   "Mom tried to get me to talk today.  She tried a lot.  I was scared, but
I didn't leave.  I said I didn't know." She said.  James could feel her
shaking a little as she said it.

   "Well, that's good, isn't it?  You didn't run away.  That's a step in
the right direction I would think.  What was she saying that scared you?"
James asked.

   "She wanted to know how I came up with the designs for the purses and
stuff she sells.  I told her I didn't know.  She said it must come from
somewhere.  I got scared and said I don't know .  She said but I must know
somehow.  I almost cried.  She gave up, but she didn't look mad." Dana
explained.  James could feel her trembling as she spoke, the fear clearly
returning as she thought through it again.

   "It sounds like you did just fine." James said quietly, one hand rubbing
her back, the other running slowly through her hair, trying to calm her
down.  "It's ok to be scared.  Everyone gets scared.  It's nothing to be
ashamed of.  I think you did very well." He soothed.  Dana was calming down
quickly as he spoke.  Her hold on him was still tight, but it was every
time she hugged him.

   "I was afraid she would be mad that I couldn't tell her where the
designs come from." Dana said, her voice a little rough.  James looked down
and saw that she had begun to cry.  She was calmer, the tears were just
late to appear.  "I don't know where they come from, but she didn't believe
that.  I can't tell her anything else because it wouldn't be true.  If she
doesn't believe the truth, what am I supposed to do?  I felt like I was
stuck.  Like I was trapped." She explained.  Her voice was muffled, as she
had turned her face into his chest, hiding as best she could.

   "I suppose if she doesn't believe the truth, you could just say 'well,
that's the way it is.  Sorry.' And that should be the end of it.  If she
keeps asking, keep telling her the truth.  Eventually she will accept it or
give up.  It's not something you have to be afraid of.  I can see how it
can be scary, but it doesn't have to be.  Okay?" He said.

   She nodded, her face still pressed to his chest.  He wrapped his arms
around her and held her tight, giving her the shelter and security she was
seeking.  Soon she looked up to him, her eyes going to his for a moment
before dropping again.

   "I would like to go to my bed.  I want to feel safe.  Please come with
me?" She asked, not quite looking to his face.

   "Okay." He said.  He followed her up the stairs.  He still made a couple
creaks, but he was starting to step in the quiet spots automatically now,
and wondered if it was how Dana did it, or if she thought about it each
time.

   Once she sat on her bed she seemed to have a great weight lifted off
her. Her breathing slowed and smoothed, her muscles lost their nervous
tension, her face calmed, and her eyes stopped darting about, settling
instead on her still hands.  It was a fascinating transformation to watch.
James sat next to her carefully, trying to do so without disturbing her.

   "Better?" He asked quietly.  She nodded and smiled a little, looking at
his hands.  She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder and closed
her eyes.

   "My bed makes me feel sheltered, hidden.  You make me feel safe.  I like
this." She said.  Her voice was smooth and even now, not a hint of the
stress and emotion it had been filled with just before they came in here.

   "I'm glad I can make you feel better." He said, putting his arm around
her.  She sighed put her hand over his hand on her hip, smiling.

   "I want to stay like this.  I'm not very scared like this." She said
softly.

   "What, on your bed?"

   "No.  When I know I can kiss you.  When I know I can hold you.  When I
know you will put your arm around me and make me feel safe.  I wish we
could stay that way." She said, her voice sad and wistful.

   "I think I'm starting to wish that too." He said.  He knew he shouldn't
say it, but it was true.  He shouldn't encourage what they shouldn't be
doing, but it was something that he felt they should be able to do, if they
wanted to.

   When he said that, Dana turned her face up to his, her eyes opening and
staring intently.

   "Do you mean that?  That you want us to be like this as well?" She asked
quietly.  She sounded scared and hopeful at the same time.

   "Yes.  I know I shouldn't, but I do.  I can't help it anymore." He said.
He was looking back at her, her intense gaze no longer bothered him.  He
knew it was just her focusing all her attention.  Dana smiled and looked
like she might cry again.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and almost
bowled him over onto the bed.  He laughed and held her.  She kissed him
fiercely and he let himself go with it.

   Dana broke the kiss to catch her breath.  She swung a leg over James',
straddled his lap, holding him tight.  He did not think it was her being
forward as much as it was her trying to get comfortable while keeping
contact with him, as she did not take it any farther.  They just held each
other that way.

   "I don't know how this would work." Dana said after a while.  Her voice
was calm but sad.

   "I don't know either.  I have to go back to my house soon, back to work.
It's not far away, and I could visit on the weekends sometimes, but I don't
know how well that would work." He answered, feeling a bit sad himself.

   "I would like to enjoy our time together while we have it." She said. 
James thought that was exactly how he was feeling.

   They heard the front door open and close and their mother call their
names.  Dana climbed off James and went with him to the door.  James went
out to the hall railing, Dana went behind him, almost hiding behind him. 
She peeked out from behind his back, but kept her eyes on the hallway
floor.

   "Up here mom, we were just talking about the day." James said.

   "Oh, sorry.  I don't want to interrupt.  I just wanted to tell you I'm
sorry Dana, I didn't mean to hound you earlier, I was just curious.  I hope
you're not mad at me." She said, looking worried.

   Dana was quiet while she thought, then stepped out from behind James. 
Before she spoke, she took his hand and squeezed it.

   "It's ok, Mom.  I'm not mad.  I just didn't know how to answer.  I
thought you might be mad." She said.

   "No honey, I'm not mad at all.  I'm sorry about the misunderstanding."
Mom said with a smile.  Dana returned the smile, looking her mother in the
eye before stepping back behind James and looking back at the floor.  "It's
ok, Mom." She said from behind him.  Mom smiled at James and walked into
the kitchen.  James turned around to Dana and nodded towards her door. 
Dana went in and sat on her bed.

   James sat next to her and put his arm around her.

   "See?  She wasn't mad or anything.  No need to be afraid."

   "Yeah, I guess so.  I think it will take a long time before I am not
afraid, though." She answered.  James ran his hand up and down her arm,
rubbing gently.  Dana reached over and took his hand, gently guiding it to
rest on her hip.

   "I like your hand there better." She said.

   "Okay."

   --

   They sat for dinner, and James was interested to see how it went.  Dana
seemed to be improving quite a bit, but she was still prone to panic if she
was focused on.  He hoped everything went smooth.  He asked how every ones
day went.  Dad talked about arguing with a client about what was covered in
a general inspection and the less than thrilling adventures of escrow
paperwork.  Mom talked about the new designs she was working on for a few
different things.  Mostly handgun holsters.  She detested guns, but those
that liked them tended to like carefully crafted leather holsters for them,
so it was a market she tried to cater to.  She wanted to reach as many
people as she could with her work.

   James felt Dana's hand on his leg and put his hand down for her to take.
She squeezed tight before speaking.

   "I made a few new designs on the new bracelet templates that Mom made. I
think they look okay.  I want to try them on something bigger, if they work
out." She said.  Her voice was a little rough.  Not much, but a little. 
Mom and dad both smiled.

   "Oh honey, you know you can put whatever design you want on anything in
the shop if it's not an item a customer has specified the design for.  I
like the designs you did today; they have a fun flare about them.  I would
like to see them on something like a back pack.  Something large that could
really show them off." She said, trying to sound calm, trying to hide her
excitement that Dana would volunteer her opinion without being prompted.

   "Okay.  I'll try something bigger tomorrow." Dana said.  She was
blushing, and letting her hair cover most of her face, but she was smiling
as well.  James gave her a hand a little squeeze which she returned.

   The talk went on as normal, wandering around as dinner conversation
usually does.  Dana only spoke once more, to ask for clarification about
something dad said about taxes.  James held her hand throughout the meal.
He was happy too, and he knew it made Dana feel better.

   When James gathered the dishes into the sink, Dana was right there
beside him, ready to help.  Together they cleaned and dried, wordless. 
They didn't really have to say anything.  She could glance up and see his
smile.  He could run his finger down her arm and hear her giggle a little.
It was very peaceful, very serene.  When the dishes were done, he turned to
her and thanked her for the help.  Dana nodded and turned to leave.  They
saw mom in the living room as they came out of the kitchen.

   "I wanted to talk to you, if I could." She said.  She sounded nervous,
and looked it as well.  James realized that since he began talking to Dana
as much as he had been he was picking up far more from the body language
and tone of voice form others than he ever had.  It was a strange feeling
once he noticed it.  He saw his mom's eyebrows twitch upwards just a bit
every few seconds, the slight tension in her lips, the slight tightness
around her eyes, the way she leaned just slightly forward.  He could hear
in her voice that her throat was a little tight, constricting her words,
and that they were a little hesitant.

   As soon as mom had spoken, Dana took James' hand and stepped a little
behind him, not quite hiding, looking to the floor as usual.

   "Sure mom." James said.

   "Dana, I've seen that you seem to talk better when you are with James.
When you hold his hand.  I was just wondering if it was because he is your
brother or if is because you are holding any ones hand?" She asked, her
caution seemed to saturate her words.

   "It's James.  He's safe.  He makes me safe." Dana said after a moment.
She didn't look up from the floor or move from behind him.

   "That's what I thought it was.  Do you think maybe one day you will be
able to talk to people without him holding you?" Mom asked quietly.  Dana
scooted a little further behind James, almost completely out of her
mother's view.

   "Maybe.  I don't know.  I like holding James.  I don't know if I will be
afraid or not without him someday." Dana answered.  Her voice was quiet,
and not quite defensive.  James didn't think his mother picked up in the
slight change.  The change in volume was normal for Dana, but he was just
recently learning the subtle, minute changes in her tone that held so many
details.  He tried to mouth the word 'easy' to his mom, but he didn't think
she got it.

   "I just ask because he won't always be there, you know?  You need to be
able reach out to people without hiding behind him." James was shaking his
head in small arcs, trying to get her to stop, but it was too late.  Dana
rushed past and went for the stairs.  She took them with her eerie silence
even rushing up two steps at a time.  She brushed past her dad who was
coming down from his office.  He looked from his daughter's swiftly closed
door to James and his wife standing in the living room with frank
confusion.

   "Okay.  What did I miss this time?"

   --

   James did not bother with knocking before he came in.  He had talked
with his mom for a while before coming up, trying to soothe her and explain
why Dana had left the way she had.  He made his way across the dim room
easily.  The sun was just set, and there was still a bit of light to see
by, but not much.  Dana was lying down, facing the wall.  He lay down
behind her and took her in his arms.  She held his arms tight and pressed
back into him hard.

   "She's right.  That's why I ran away.  I can't have you forever.  Every
time I think about that now I get scared.  So I ran to my bed." She said.

   "I know.  She doesn't mean to say things that scare you or hurt you. 
She just doesn't know what things scare you is all.  She doesn't do it on
purpose." He said, kissing her shoulder lightly.

   "I know.  It's not her fault." Dana said with a sigh.

   "And it's not yours either, so stop thinking that.  It's just the way it
is." He said gently.

   "I suppose." After a moment of thought she rolled over to face him and
kissed him softly.

   "I don't want you to go." She said.

   "I know.  I don't want to go.  But I will have to." He answered.

   "That's not what I meant.  Mom and dad go to bed at nine.  We don't go
to bed until after that.  After they go to bed, come in here.  I want you
to be here with me.  I don't want you to go tonight.  I don't want to be
alone until the morning like I always am." She said.  She was quiet and
scared but spoke quickly, pushing herself to say it before her fear could
stop her.  James thought about it for a moment.  After a second he realized
that Dana was holding her breath and that she was very tense in his arms.

   "Okay.  I'll be here." He answered.  She sighed and held him tighter. 
He could feel her relief throughout her body.  When she kissed him it was
light and gentle but lingering.  He wondered just how this was going to
work.  He didn't think it could end well, overall, but he felt that he was
willing to try.  Dana settled herself against him, her face in the crook if
his shoulder, her hands on his back, holding him close.

   --

   Just after nine James was in the living room on his computer, checking
on the websites that he had posted Dana's artwork on when his mom walked
past and said goodnight.  He said his goodnight as well and felt his heart
rate increase.  He still had a hard time believing he was going to spend
the night in his sister's bed.  It was an almost surreal feeling.  He
focused on the computer, forcing himself to wait twenty minutes before
heading upstairs.  When he did go, he managed to take the stairs silently,
which made him smile.  The smile was quickly replaced by a frown when his
first step in the hall above produced a small screech.  With a mental 'oh
well' he went to Dana's door.  He had his laptop with him, he wanted to
show her the comments that people had posted on her work.  They were almost
unanimously positive.  He thought she would be rather happy with it.

   He saw a dim light under her door and went in, quickly and quietly
shutting the door behind him.  He looked to her bed and did not see her. 
After a second he looked around.  She was in front of the closet.  She was
wearing a pair of panties and the see through shirt and nothing else.  She
walked over to him, looking at the floor.  She gave him a quick kiss and
went to the bed, taking her usual seat.  He sat next to her and opened the
computer.  He showed her a couple of the websites, scrolling down to the
comments on her pictures.

   She had looked apprehensive as he pulled the first one up, her back had
stiffened and her breathing had gone a little shallow, but when she started
reading the praise from strangers complimenting her use of shadows and
forced perspective and her ability bring life to the eyes of her subjects
she began to smile.  Her cheeks went rosy and her smile widened.  She
buried her warm face into James' arm, and he thought he heard a little
giggle.

   "You see?  They are not just little drawings.  People like to look at
them.  They make people happy.  People look at them and want to tell you
that you are talented.  Look here, someone called ShneiderAG22 said
'looking at this made my day brighter, please keep up the good work.'"

   Dana glanced over at the screen and read the comment before looking away
again.  James set the computer aside and put his arms around her.

   "Your drawings make people happier.  They want you to draw more and
share it because they enjoy what you draw." James said.

   "I don't know why it would make them feel better, but I am glad that it
does." She said.

   James stood up and set the computer on the desk and shut it down.  He
pulled off his socks and sat on the bed again.  Dana looked up to him and
her eyes were soft, just watching.

   "Don't you usually wear sweatpants to bed?" James asked.  He glanced
down to her body.  Her breasts were wonderful, highlighted instead of hid
by the sheer material, and the panties left little to the imagination,
especially with her sitting cross legged.

   "No.  I only wear those if I'm going to leave my bedroom after I change
for bed.  When I am in here to sleep, I only wear this shirt.  I am wearing
these panties because I thought it might make you uncomfortable if I was
only wearing my shirt.  Seeing my body bothers you a little bit.  You like
it, but you are a little embarrassed as well.  You want to look, and you
take small glances, but then you feel guilty and force yourself not to look
for a while.  I don't know why, though." She said.  James was surprised. 
Not just because she slept nearly nude but by how clearly she could read
his feelings.  He thought she might even see his feelings a little clearer
the he himself did.

   "I guess it's the idea of seeing my sister naked or near naked after
growing up in a world that says that it is wrong to do so.  I do enjoy
looking at your body.  It is very attractive, like the rest of you.  I
guess I feel guilty because of the social stigma and because it feels like
I am taking advantage of you." James said, looking down.  He couldn't look
her in the eye as he admitted what he had been feeling for the past few
days.

   "If I did not want you to see my body I would wear clothes and run away.
Probably to mom and dad.  I like it when you see my body.  Your eyes widen
a little and your lips turn a little pinker.  You speak a little faster and
your hands fidget.  It makes you look flustered and happy and scared and
confident all rolled up together.  It's amazing to watch." She said.  She
was looking down to his chest again, her body still except for her mouth
when she spoke.  He now understood that when she was looking at the central
area of someone, she was watching their entire body, not focusing on any
one part, but reading every part.  When she focused, that laser-like stare
appeared.

   "You observe everything a person does with everyone you see or have to
talk to, don't you?" he asked, his voice hushed, almost in awe.  He was
beginning to understand the depth of her insight into those around her.

   "Yes.  I try to read them so that I know what they are thinking so that
I know what to say.  No matter how hard I try, though, I can't seem to read
deep enough to know.  I am left with only their body language, their voice,
and their words.  Not their intent, or what they are really thinking. 
That's what makes me afraid.  I'll probably say something that is stupid to
them because I cannot know their minds.  I can't stand that kind of
awkwardness.  That embarrassment.  So I try to read them as deeply as I
can, but I can only see the surface." She said.  James was now stunned.

   "Dana, no one can read minds.  No one expects you to.  You don't have to
know someone's mind to have a conversation with them.  That's what a
conversation is for, to give thoughts to each other, for people to give
thoughts from their mind to others, and to receive the thoughts of others
to consider.  That basic communication relies on not knowing the other
persons mind." He explained quietly.  His mind boggled at the thought of
Dana spending years studying every nuance of everyone she had to interact
with as carefully as she could, gathering and processing all the
information she could, examining and learning every corner of their
character that she could from each interaction.  It almost gave him a
headache just thinking about the implications of that.  He realized she
must know more about their parents than they probably knew about
themselves. But her knowledge would be from a detached observer's point of
view; the way they carried themselves and how they reacted outwardly to any
given situation, but not how they thought inside.

   "I know.  I know that in my mind, but in my heart, the way I feel, that
fear is present.  How I feel seems to win over what I know every time.  So
I am stuck.  Stuck here, on my bed.  Hidden.  Afraid.  Outside.  Alone."
She said.  Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

   James wiped away her tears and kissed her gently.

   "You are not alone.  Not anymore." He whispered in her ear.  Dana stood
up and took off her panties, facing away from James.  She turned off the
lamp before turning back and climbing into bed.  She slid beneath the
sheets, and James followed suit.  Dana immediately pressed against him, her
arms around him, her legs hooked over his.  She kissed him lightly.

   He had one arm under her head, the hand resting on her back, the other
arm over her hip, hand cupping a cheek of her ass lightly.

   "I like this." She said softly.

   "I do to." James answered.  They drifted off that way, holding each
other close.

   --

   James woke just after three.  He was on his back, which thankfully did
not hurt.  Dana was laying on him.  He did not think she was asleep.  He
couldn't see her in the dark but he could hear and feel her breathing and
body.

   "Dana?" He whispered.

   "Yes?" She answered.

   "I just wanted to see if you were awake." He said.

   "Okay."

   James started to relax a little until he realized that he had an
erection and that Dana was laying on it.  He must have tensed a bit,
because Dana asked what was wrong.

   "Um, I just thought about it.  I have a, you know." He stuttered.

   "Your dick is hard." She said.  She sounded nervous saying it.

   "Yes." He answered.  He didn't what else to say.

   "It has been for a little while.  Ten minutes or so." She said.  She was
not just laying on it, like with her stomach.  No, it was her crotch that
was laying on it, the base of his dick uncovered by the gap between the
start of her thighs, her mound pressing on the shaft.

   "I thought about touching it." Dana whispered after a moment.  She
sounded very unsure of herself.  James thought she felt like she was taking
a very large risk in admitting that.  He thought that that was a big step
for her.  To take large risks like that (not necessarily in that subject)
in conversation despite the fear of judgment.

   "That's okay." He reassured her.  "I have thought of touching you.  When
you wear that shirt and I can see you.  When I hold you and we kiss.  And
now, with you so close.  I think it's natural for two people to feel that
urge to touch when they are attracted to each other.  Our situation may be
different than normal, but I think that the same basic urges are there." He
said.  His voice was a bit uneven.  He tried to sound calm, but he wasn't.
He knew she could feel his racing pulse, his tense body, and could dissect
his voice, but he still felt like he had to try to sound calm.

   "If you want to touch me, that's okay.  I think I would like it if you
touched me." She said.  He found he could hear the fear and excitement in
her voice, feel the way her muscled thrummed almost imperceptibly under her
skin, the way her breathing sharpened just the tiniest bit.  He could
gather from all this that she wanted him to touch her.  She wouldn't come
right out and ask for it, she had said the closest to asking him as she
could, but her body was telling him what she couldn't.

   "If you want to touch me, you can as well.  No judgment, remember?" He
said, his hands rubbing gently on her back.

   "No judgment." She echoed quietly.  She stretched up and kissed him,
then lay back down.  He thought she would want to explore his body, or
hers. But she seemed content in the knowledge that he was alright with her
doing so, and that he knew she was alright with him doing so.  James was
happy to simply hold her.  He didn't know if he was ready to go any farther
than they already had.  His body yearned for it, obviously, but his nerves,
his heart, were still jittery at the thought.  He began drifting back to
sleep.  Dana was gently, slowly rubbing small circles on his chest with her
fingertips.  It was a lulling, almost hypnotic sensation in the quiet dark.
He was asleep shortly after she started.

   --

   When James woke next it was to a wonderful feeling.  His mind swam up
into consciousness as Dana kissed him, one hand caressing the side of his
face, the other gently rubbing his chest.  He realized he could see her. 
The sun was coming up.  She leaned back and looked to her hand on his
chest.

   "Mom and dad will be awake soon." She said.  He knew what that meant.

   "I better get downstairs, then." He said.  He didn't want to, but he
felt it was safest.

   "Will you come back tonight?  To sleep here?" she asked.

   "Only if you want me to." He answered with a smile.

   "Yes.  I want you to.  Very much." She answered.  He could hear the need
in her voice and see a hint of the urgency in her face.  He was getting a
sense of how she read people so deeply, now that he was aware of it and
trying it.

   "Then I will be here." He said.  He gave her a quick kiss and went
downstairs.

   James had a mug in hand, pouring coffee when his mother came in.  He
handed her the mug and grabbed another for himself.

   "Thank you.  Did you talk to Dana this morning?  I know she wakes up
early, and I thought I heard voices coming from her room earlier, while I
was getting dressed." She said.  Everything in her voice and body language
said to James that she was unconcerned, just curious.  He relaxed a bit and
nodded, sipping at his coffee.

   "Yeah, I wake up a little early too, can't sleep long on that couch
before it gets to my back.  So we talked for a bit." He said.  He did not
like deceiving his mom, it made him feel bad, like he was stealing from her
in some way.  But he knew it would hurt her far worse if he told her the
truth in these circumstances.  So he clamped down on his feelings of guilt
as best he could and tried to think instead of Dana.

   "What did you talk about?  If it's ok to ask." She added quickly.

   "I was showing her the comments on her pictures.  She was pretty happy
about it." James said, relived to be into a more neutral subject.

   "Oh?  What kind of comments are they getting?  I would think they would
be good." She said, her face already beginning to show pride.

   "Yes indeed.  A lot of people have commented.  It is all positive.  They
are praising her skill and asking that she keep up the good work.  There
are a few that have said that looking at her artwork makes them happier.  I
think that was what made Dana the happiest." James said, unable to keep
from smiling.  He couldn't help it.  He was just like his mom; proud of
Dana's work and the praise it was receiving.

   "I'm so glad.  I knew people would like it.  Do you think it would be
alright if I told her that I am proud of her for putting her work out there
and for how well it's doing?" She asked, unaware that Dana had walked up
behind her silently while James had explained the comments.  Dana had heard
everything mom said.

   "It is alright.  Thank you Mom.  I appreciate it." Dana said in a low
voice.  Her cheeks were brick red and her eyes were riveted to the floor
but she had a small smile.  Mom jumped a little at Dana's voice and turned
around.  She stood up and pulled Dana into her arms for a hug.  Dana hugged
her back.

   "I am so proud of you.  What you did took courage." Mom said simply.

   "Thank you." Dana whispered.  When mom released her Dana left, heading
back to the stairs.  She wasn't hurrying though, like did when she was
flustered.  She was walking casually like she did when no one was paying
attention to her.

   "I don't know what you are saying to her when you two talk, but whatever
it is, please keep it up." Mom said to James, almost in tears.  James
nodded and sipped his coffee.  He thought again of what all their
conversations entailed and tried to think of how his mom would react if she
knew.  He still couldn't guess, but he thought it wouldn't be anger.  He
thought if anything, it would take a form of sadness.  That was as far as
he could guess.

   --

   Mom and dad were soon off to work.  Dana had the day off.  As soon as
the door shut behind dad, James was climbing the stairs.  His ascent was
silent, as was his short walk to Dana's door.  He noticed neither, though.
He knocked lightly on the door.  He heard Dana call him in and he entered,
closing the door behind him.  She was on the bed, sitting cross-legged. 
She was not wearing a shirt at all, only a pair of panties.  Her cheeks
were red, and she stared at her hands.  She was clearly scared to be this
bold, but determined to make the effort.  James pulled his shirt over his
head and took off his pants.  He figured she may feel better if he made the
same gesture.  He stood before her in just his boxers.  She looked up, her
eyes running over his body, touching his face for a moment, before settling
on his chest.

   "I like your body.  It looks good." She said, her voice hesitant, unsure
of how to word it.  James looked down at himself.  A little on the pale
side, not much definition, his arm weren't big or muscular, but he wasn't
really scrawny either.  His legs tapered but weren't really shaped.  He
thought it wasn't that great.

   "Average I guess, if I was to judge it." He said.

   "No judgment here, remember?  I like it.  It doesn't look all angular
and over-worked like in the underwear and gym ads, and you're not fat or
anything.  Your body is smooth.  Each part flows into the next without a
bunch of hard angles." She said.  James looked back down and tried to see
it the way she described it.  He could see where she was coming from, but
it still looked less than wonderful to him.

   "Well, I'm glad one of us likes it." He said, and went to sit next to
her.  As soon as he sat she straddled his lap again and held him tight. 
Now that they were nearly nude it was much more intimate, whether she
intended it or not.  He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck,
her shoulder, working to her mouth.  She kissed him back hard.

   She gasped slightly when she felt his dick press against her.  It was
putting pressure right on her clit.  James turned red and tried to shift
away, but Dana held tight and ground down against him.  When she did, he
froze.  She let out a small moan and made another pass, slower this time,
pushing harder.  She stopped and looked up to James' face.

   "I'm sorry.  I don't know what happened.  I couldn't resist the urge to
do that." She said.  Her voice was uneven and after she said it she bit her
lip and looked away, clearly embarrassed.  James took her chin in his hand
and turned her face back to his.

   "It's okay.  You can touch me however you want.  Remember?  Besides, no
judgment.  All else aside, that felt good to me, too." He said.

   Dana just looked at him for a while, still as a statue.  He knew now
that when she went still she was thinking and observing, examining
everything about him she could with her senses.  He waited.  After a moment
she leaned closer to him, the tip of her nose almost touching the tip of
his.

   "I've thought of you before.  While I was rubbing it.  I thought about
you." She whispered.  Her eyes were piercing as she watched for his
reaction.  He smiled.

   "That is very flattering, Dana.  I hope that if we go that far, I do not
disappoint you." He said.

   "I want to.  I want to go that far.  I want to experience it instead of
just thinking about it.  If you want to." She said.  Her eyes held his
transfixed.

   "I would like that.  But we will have to be very careful if we are going
to bring love making into our relationship.  Very careful indeed." He said.
He felt himself getting harder and harder at the thought of it.  It wasn't
that difficult with a mostly naked beautiful young woman with her legs
wrapped around him on his lap.

   "I have lived my life being careful." She said, a hint of a smile on her
mouth.  He could see the small twitch in her eye and hear the slight lift
in her voice.  She had almost laughed while saying it, and he couldn't
blame her.  She was right.  James kissed her lightly and moved his hips
slightly, letting his dick rub against her a little.  She closed her eyes
when he did and put her forehead on his shoulder.  She started to rock her
hips back and forth in time with him, her breathing getting heavier as she
did.  James ran one of his hands down to her ass, and the other to her
breast.  She moaned again at that and rocked faster.  He felt her short
fingernails digging into his back and the back of his neck.  He
concentrated on every sensation he could.  Her fingernails, the grinding,
her hot, fast breath on his shoulder and rolling down his chest, the clench
and relax of the cheek in his hand, the racing pulse in the palm of his
other hand, the slight tremor he could hear in her throat in her moans and
her breathing.  It was electrifying.  If she was open to all these
sensations and more through her constant observation, he could only imagine
how stimulating any erotic act must be.

   James reveled in this sensory cascade, but was careful to control
himself.  He wanted to make this an experience for her.  He took his hand
from her ass and placed his fingertips at the base of her neck, just below
the hairline, and let his fingernails drag lightly down her spine.  She
shuddered as he did, and he grinned.  It was something simple he had picked
up in college, from a girl at a party.  Dana's breathing became ragged,
almost panting.  Her grip on James tightened further.  Her pressure on his
dick increased with her speed.  She whispered his name when her orgasm
peaked.

   She all but collapsed against him, all of the strength and tension of
just a moment ago gone.  James lay back, taking Dana with him.  His dick
was still hard, he had not come, but he was not worried about that.  He
could take care of that whenever with just a couple minutes work.  He was
smiling and caressing Dana's back.  He could feel the fluid that had soaked
through her panties and his boxers on his dick, and it made him happy. 
Knowing that he could make Dana feel good made him happy.  Now he just had
to figure out how to keep making her happy.  How to ensure that he had the
chance to.



   to be continued....


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