Title: Rachel's Secret




Summary: Rachel comes to live with her Uncle.



Keywords: inc,fic




This story is dedicated to a very special woman who has rocked my life in alternate reality. These stories are true, collections of events, moments, and what might have been. I credit the fact that many of these conversations are true, the words have been breathed in my ear. I take them to a fulfillment of what may have been.

Enjoy. 

*



I was reviewing old emails in a secret email account, missives from a relationship with my niece that had started years and years ago. She lived with me four years and after she moved out, we kept in touch by email. But then even these ended, and all I had was this collection of old love notes.

The email added chat to their services and as I was looking, there she was online. My heart began pounding in my chest, should I? It took me no time to decide, my now wife was just in the other room getting ready for bed. I had some time, she usually let me finish up by business at the end of the day.

I initiated the chat:

Me: Hi

Rach: wow

Me: long time no 'see'

Rach: indeed how are you

Me: I'm doing just fine. My site said you were there

Rach: lol tattle tale

Me: yeah, who knew. Whats new?

Rach: everything, been a few years

Me: ha! you find a guy

Rach: yea

Me: i would imagine. you rock his world

Rach: he's learning things about himself

Me: we all are. You rocked my world back in the day

Rach: hmmmm. that's why you left me?

Me: I was a fool

Rach: good reply lol. Ok i'm over it

Me: You probably have calmed down a little since then.

Rach: depends on what you mean i guess needs are different but still there

Me: I still have our old emails. Was looking at them

Rach: lol i did too until they got me in trouble

Me: what happened

Rach: i got nervous. to an outsider my sexual expression seemed too open

Me: I've kept them. A little piece of you. A little crazy

Rach: hmmmm my memory is pretty good. you made me challenge myself

Me: I made you do a lot of things

Rach: yes...you did

Me: my my my. That has to be six years ago

Me: be still my heart

Rach: no use for me then but if you insist

Me: my bad

Rach: you with Susan

Me: Still. You move

Rach: yes. went to graduate school.

Me:!!!! Congrats.

Rach: thanks

Me: you were frustrated with direction and purpose when we wrote

Rach: yea life milestones unmet

Me: So when I say you found a guy, you married

Rach: no.... but if i were to leap this one would be the one

Me: wow. That says a lot.

Rach: hmmm stamina yum

Me: hahaha. Anyone with you would need stamina. 

Rach: hmmmm sweet compliment thank you

Me: It was true. I remember. We were Baaaad Yum

Rach: i gain that from you its stayed with me

yum

yummy

Me: We did connect

Rach: mission accomplished

Me: you were good at stroking my ego

Rach: not all I stroked

oh well

Me: ultimately good, you went out and got what you wanted. I was your boy toy

Rach: you say that like its a bad thing

Me: hahahha. Not bad. I do remember how utterly delectable you are.

You left me no doubt about that.

Rach: hmmm i coulda played any role you needed if needed

so sweet

Me: Yes. I remember

You did my heart good, and we had what we had

Rach: hmm

Me: Not something I forget

Rach: thank you

and you know i cant forget you

i dont think i went after a boy as hard as you

i enjoyed it

Me: my heart felt like I was running

Rach: hmmmm we ran

Get me a cigarette!!

Me: I liked the heat Sigh

Rach: rememories

Me: unedited and raw you were a bit of a wild child

Rach: lol

hmmm just horny

Me: you took horny to a whole new level

I will add another compliment, you have a wild and wonderful body under that brilliant head of yours, all tied together with pure energy. Truth.

Rach: thank you. i accept

and would never imagine insulting you by not accepting

Me: I bet you are so delectable today, yum.

Rach: teasing

Me: I'm a bad boy remember

you are just a bad good girl

Rach: no

you are MY bad boy

Me: I believe I touched every inch of your body

Rach: hmmm

Me: And made a mess of you lol

Rach: in a way that my body was left broken and humbled

Me: I reremember. How you teased me!

Rach: you taught me how

Me: I don't think so. Other way round

Rach: gave my tease direction then.... i still love how you went in for the "kill"

Such a surprise!! I never thought my tease would get a response

Me: I was in agony, the desire, the wanting, the waiting before having. So good.

Rach: yes you my teacher

in the end.... its always temporary. and my true nature comes out

but you....

you made me want it like no body else

Me: so you built up a pretty good portfolio of a sex life then

After

I hope so.

I know you as a lover

Rach: you know me different then a lover

you know me without restraints

not everyone can handle what they say they can

Me: true enough. We revealed more than we ever would have

and our restraints were pretty much ALL gone

wild. You got me all heated up

Rach: hold on please

Me: Holding

Rach: hmmm bent over too?

Me: what you do to me

mmmm, see, we can still be a little bad

Rach: Always innocent

bad would be me at your door

Me: And

Rach: My panties in my purse, and sitting in your lap

Me: Oh. lecherous me

Rach: hmm

Me: going for my weakness. I have ALWAYS had a panty fetish

Rach: Hmmm. we can dream

but you like keeping your play life in its place

and thats smart

Me: yes it is

Rach: so did i

Me: But I think about it

Rach: i most certainly hope so

Me: hahah

Rach: this one i love him

its all good, my point is

Me: It's all in the angle babe

Rach: we were intense

Me: yes we were, I WAS into you

Rach: thank you

you still made me sad though

when you went away

granted i did start to get jealous

just didn't want to lose a good thing

you

you were a pleasure

a sin

something just for me to enjoy

as gift to me

Me: I am sorry. It was all so intense and it overwhelmed me.

I wondered if I should keep doing it at all

Like a thunderstorm. I loved what we had

Rach: its ok

i understand

truly i do

it just made me sad

you're a rare jewel sweetheart

Me: I remember

Rach: sad

Me: yes Life goes on

Rach: yep

Me: Are you at work

Rach: no home

i'll have to delete this convo when we are done

you still my dirty lil secret

Me: truly. Give us half hour and we manage to be pretty bad

Oh god, what I used to do to you

Rach: and? 

lol 

its ok

Me: you gave me my first blow job

Rach: i loved teasing

Me: how demanding I was. presumptuous

Rach: you knew i like it

you knew i wanted it

you knew i would do every lil bad thing you asked and love it

i trusted you

Me: Oh god. You made it abundantly clear. god I made you wear just what I wanted

I was a pretty good bad boy

Rach: Or not wear. That weekend you took my clothes away 

you were the bestest badboy a girl could want

Me: sigh 

speechless 

breathless

Rach: hmmm

Me: I always like being called a bad boy

the best a girl could want

you sweet

Rach: bestest not a typo

Me: Ha. So, you wet babe

Rach: lol. 

You know what? I'm talking to my love now on the phone

but its not him that has me achy now

hmmm. yes very wet Jimmy

Me: true

Rach: lol yes

Me: so you are talking to your love now while typing

brie : yep

Me:!!

Rach: lololol bad boy!

you're gonna do it to me again aren't you

Me: flutter my touches all over you. I loved your kiss.

your taste

Rach: hmmmm

oh darling

i'll be waiting

lolol

Me: I would not know where to even begin. Top or bottom?

Rach: hmmmm well say a certain woman comes to you

Me: panties in her purse?

Rach: Something like that

And gives you just five minutes

Me:!! I want to touch you so bad

Rach: Jimmy

Me: We start at the neck just under the ears, soft nibbles and licks. Safe and soft

You may be deleting this but I shall be tucking it away in my treasure chest of jewels

Rach: hmmm

Me: filled with Rachel

Rach: lol ok. Put it in me anytime you want

Me: wrap my arms around you and hold you tight, feel your breath. Breathe.

Rach: yes

Me: Sigh

Rach: I'd be a puddle

every one of my holes is yours

Me: hmmm

Rach: Visit me some time. i look forward to it

and if you get lost i'll understand

me of all people will understand

Me: yes How would we meet

Rach: I'll contact you

Me: Ok

Rach: lol

Me: Me and you babe

Rach: hmmm

Me: I will seduce you

Rach: you already have

but you may again

Me: I do know some of your weaknesses

Rach: some? ha

Rach: alright darling

i need to bounce

Me: It has been so great to catch up.

Rach: it was

you know i adore you

Me: and I you. Crazy

Nite. Nite.

Rach:

yes

night

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THIS is how the story began:

-------------------

The Beginning

Sometime in my fourth year as a widower, I got a call from my sister Kate. She had a daughter who wanted to go to University in the States, and the college she was interested in, and accepted to, I taught at. 

Congratulations were in order, but her real question came out more suddenly than I expected, "Can she live with you while there?"

I paused, neglecting to have connected the dots.

We had a back and forth on this, as I indicated the importance of a campus experience, etc. etc. but Rachel, her daughter, indicated she wanted to stay more focused on studies and feared the distraction. They were also concerned about costs. I understood these points, while still trying to wrap my head around what she was suggesting. There was a part of me, also, that would not mind having someone around. My house had been empty for too long.

As these thoughts rambled around Kate continued, "Right now, it's the only place we could agree on, what with the divorce and all. And - you can say no - but, actually she would like to come over earlier to sort of acclimate herself. Like, next summer." 

"Uh. That's six months!" 

"It is so important. I really need some help."

Silence. "I see." 

"You remember her?"

"Yes, very smart girl. I remember."

Silence.

And then I said it, "Yes. OK."

My sister closed with, "I sort of told her it would be all right, if it's OK with you. And, James, I would appreciate it if you kept me informed about her." I think she knew that came out wrong, "A little bit." She added.

"A spy," I said. I was very cognizant of parental interference in their newly adult children and as a professor disliked it immensely.

"I won't lie to you, she has been difficult, especially since the divorce; and, since Tom..." Tom, who is that? I thought to myself. But said nothing. "Just let me know if it gets too hard for you, that is what I am really trying to get to. She hasn't fully adjusted to...all the changes..."

She continued on, as I began to phase her words out altogether. There is a way my mind worked since losing my wife, that any discussions associated with difficulty, pain, complexity. I lost the ability to follow. I knew she was talking about her divorce, litigation, someone named Tom. It also made me angry. In it, there was nothing about Rachel. Only about my sister, her thoughts, wants, needs. I did not listen until she stopped talking.

"I said I'd do it, and yes I will keep you informed about Rachel."

Little did I realize.

--------------------

Remembering

I remembered Rachel well actually. The last time I had seen her was maybe five years ago. It was Christmas and her entire family came over from England to celebrate. My wife was still alive.

One evening in particular Rachel wanted to go to a movie, and she couldn't get her mother or father to go, and she asked me. I said I would. So my niece and I went to a movie and an arcade. It was snowing that night, not hard, but steady as it sometimes does in northern Cali.

The snow was so beautiful. Truly magical. Outside the arcade, I had a moment of youth and ran out into the parking lot and twirled around, held my mouth open looking up at the sky and ate snowflakes. The falling snow swirled around my face as if I was flying through stars. Rachel joined me, arms out and there we stood just the two of us. One of my happiest evenings.

Once in the car, we could tell how bad the snow was. The car was sliding a lot and we had to go really slow. But I didn't care, Rachel and I kept joking and talking about the movie and the arcade. It was one of the most carefree days of my life. Rachel was such an intelligent girl, a quick wit, with dark hair and large almond eyes.

The trees were covered in white and the street lights could barely compete with the white of the snow, reflected on the headlights on the car. When we got back to the house it was late and the whole house had gone to bed.

As we were walking up to the house, trying to be quiet, all of a sudden Rachel threw a snowball and hit me in the middle of the back! I responded and now we are running around throwing snow at each other, I remember laughing and how hard I tried not to laugh loud. At one point she was shoveling snow at me and I fell back into the snow which had to be six or eight inches deep, and she jumped down onto my chest continuing to shove snow over my head. I grasped her arms and held them as she straddled me, and we had this awkward moment. She was older, developing into a young woman and here we were rolling around in the snow. I looked her in the eyes, and we paused, before getting up out of the snow.

To relieve whatever tension there may have been I shoveled a bit more snow up her front, and ran to the house.

As we got to the door Rachel says to me, "You can be pretty fun."

After that, we became fast friends. After they left she emailed me a few times. Nothing particularly memorable. I responded but then it faded out, my wife got sick, and I have to say I had not even thought about her until my sister called. 

I did remember her writing in one of her emails, 'I'm a lot different than the rest of my family, sort of the black sheep. My family is over serious, especially my mom.'

That all came to my mind as I hung up the phone.

------------------------

Rachel Remembers and Prepares

Rachel sat in the coach seat of a transcontinental jet making the 13 hour flight to her uncles. The feelings she had at this precise moment were difficult to put into words. Chiefly, that expansive feeling of freedom. The freedom of leaving home, of striking out, of problems left behind, a sort of sense of limitlessness. But things had already turned out a little different than planned, and instead of leaving in the summer she was leaving three months earlier in spring, and leaving her school and friends behind mid-term. Or what was left of her friends anyway.

She had been in nonstop fights with her mother for well over a year, who had taken on a boyfriend now living in the house, and now they were to be married. But she had also made some stupid decisions, partly in reaction to the emotional pain of a) her father leaving, b) his absence for extended period, and c) her mothers changes. In a span of two years she had quite literally lost the home she had lived in her entire life. All this on top of things that close in on a teenage girl (who had just turned 18). Her 'bad' behaviors had led to rumors circulating in school, hurtful vicious rumors, resulting in a decidedly different treatment even by those she thought were close. The rumors centered around her becoming the class slut, odd since the year before the hurtful reproach was her as class prude. 'Rachel's name was bantered about as the one who would be voted most likely to get laid. A charge that was NOT true, but in a certain light she understood how it could be construed as true. 

At any rate she was leaving all of this far behind and had a chance to, briefly at least, close out her senior year without any further torment. The bridge was being burned. But then, the prospect of briefly going to a new school in her senior year for just 3 months. The new girl, and all the risk that entails. Making real friends was more or less out of the question, and she had to keep her head low. Maybe one or two friends, but even then school would be over and everyone head to college. Her real start was not until fall of the year, her real destination was college. So, really, she also knew that boys were out of the question for now, as there was too much danger as the 'new girl' to stir up trouble and end up in the exact same position. High School is a fearful place.

She was angry at her mother for making her this way, angry she had to leave early, angry at her father for working in Kenya and Egypt. She was also worried about her overactive libido, which was getting her in the trouble spots she was finding herself in. 

And then there was her Uncle James. Doctor James. She could blame him too, in a way. But mainly for being this wonderful man she remembered who went to a movie with her, played arcades, laughed, and on whose chest she had sat and briefly looked deep in his eyes, struck by his sweetness, his corny openness. His smile and eyes. Always ready with the last word, challenging, bright, surprising.

After that trip she dreamed of living in the States, of going to college and being in the same city as Dr. James. She knew the college was hard to get into, she also knew she was smart, a good student, and with effort could be accepted. The plan had originally been to be near to him, but her mother was complaining about cost and this hatched the plan of living at his house!

All manner of feelings and thoughts swirled around this new reality, accentuated by the accelerated time line. She would be living with this man, knowing how much she liked older men, knowing how much she liked this particular uncle of hers. How different she was now from then. And there was also this lingering thought of how his presence, his relationship, could shield her from the loneliness of the changes she had undertaken. Shielding her from the loss of her family and friends, her new school, and keep her from any trouble with the boys. Rachel knew she was pretty, knew she would be an exotic at this school with her accent and cultural differences, her dark hair, dark eyes and dark honey chocolate skin; and as she knew, was very very weak in resisting the charms of boys. 

Her body was in a constant state of heat truth be told, her libido was high. Partly having put herself under a bushel basket for too long because of the horror stories her mother had told, and her internalized fear and anger at men came from her mother which turned later into a pent up desire. She had bought the lies hook line and sinker, all so consistent with the messages of her strict religious upbringing. She had her parents to blame again.

As the cabin went dark, and a movie played silently overhead because she had not purchased the earphones, Rachel covered herself with a little blanket and began to fantasize. Not at all tired, she opened her pants and tugged them down her hips a little and slipped her hand through her neatly trimmed little bush. The woman to her left was sleeping, leaning against the window and no one would notice her now. It was a long flight and she was nervous, excited, elated really and needed to De-stress a little. Just the thing her little finger could do!!

The fantasy:

She was imagining herself with Uncle James in the house she remembered. It was evening, they were watching a movie and she had popcorn in her lap. Sitting near him on the sofa, she would begin playing with her long dark hair, twirl it in her fingers, draw it across her lips. Flirting, giving him furtive glances. She had no pajamas, no she didn't, and so was wearing a tee shirt, or perhaps a mans shirt she had borrowed from him. Were all the buttons buttoned?

Delicious, she felt her middle begin to melt, her little puss moistening as her fingers played.

'Was he noticing? Why yes he was.' Her sable skin was fresh and clean, she had showered, her hair shiny fell wild around her shoulders. Her long legs curled underneath, a little cat, a little pussy. How could he not notice? The hem of her tee is short, and she imagines him glancing at her legs as he reaches for popcorn.

'Oh, and my panties. Mmmmm. Can he see them?' And she is shifting about, drawing her one knee up so he can just see it wrapping around her ass. Eyes glued to the screen, don't notice at all if he watches you, because you don't want him to stop.

Powder blue. Very nice. Innocent, very see through. Rachel loved lace panties. 'Does he want to touch me?' She imagines he is shifting a little bit closer. 

Glancing briefly around the cabin, she lets out a sigh, and slips her fingers deep into the wet folds opening her center and opens her lips wide, drawing her knees apart beneath the blanket. Mmmmm, light fluttering sighs. No one noticing, as she pretends to be asleep with the blanket over her.

And then in her fantasy, the same sigh. James looking at her, she had not meant for it to be so loud. He asks, "You OK?"

**

I just draw my knees up and smile. "Just thinking of something." And giving him a little sideways glance, I purr, "You want more?" Sliding closer to give him popcorn, and now curling there right beside him. "This is nice," and stretch so now I am leaning into him. Will he let me?

Why yes he does? The feel of him, he is wearing a robe. What is on underneath? His chest is bare, I can tell.

And then my hand finds his, an accidental brush, but I hold it, place his hand onto my bare leg, fluttering my eyes at him. "Could you rub me there? It's sore"

The feel of his warm hands stroking my calves, so sensitive. So good. "Hmmmmm." 

Rachel's head dips down, and her hand is working faster, its magic, she finds her stiffening clit and digs in. Oh god so good, so god damn good.

His hands wander onto my thighs now, and she lets him. 

As she fantasizes of his hands on her, she presses her legs together, can feel the juices in her cunny squeeze out of her. Oh, yum. 

If only....

I lay my legs over his lap and coo, "That feels so nice. Do them all please."

Do you know how wet I am James?

Would I ever say that?

I let the shirt I am wearing, his shirt now, fall open at the bottom so he can see the little V of my panties tucking in between my legs, and Iet him rub me up high on my thighs, wiggling my toes for him, stretching my body, closing my eyes. Pamper me. Pamper me. 

She is soaking wet now, and frigging herself hard, and trying to be quiet and trying not to squirm. Humping her hand, at some point she realized her head is bobbing up and down a little, and tries to stop doing that. Oh god, yes.

Her breathing is hard to control, a soft pant, like a dogs. Take longer breaths, breathe. 

Can he see what he is doing to me, his eyes are glued to my crotch, the powder blue. Can he see the nicely trimmed fur patch between my legs. Of course. 

My little landing strip. Do you want to touch me there? His hands stroking up my thighs, so perilously close. But don't look at him, give him anonymity, permission. It works if we are just watching our movie together. 

In another version of this fantasy, now feeling so horny and hungry. My panties are gone, and the hem of my shirt is letting my dark hairs slip slightly into view. He is looking at my bare bottom when I am leaning into the sofa and at my bare bush as he is rubbing my legs, and then deliciously, yes, his fingers graze the hairs of my puss. 

Oh god I am wet, it is getting on the seat. So wet. I can hear my fingers sliding through my cunt. I have no panties, my vagina is open and ready to be penetrated, penetrate me and I shove two fingers up inside. Feel my cunt stretch, taking in his cock. Oh god, yes.

Do I open my legs a little and invite him in? Slip my legs open, and his fingers are brushing the hairs of my bush, right over the top of my mound. I moan as he does that and then our eyes meet. 

Permission.

I say, "Sorry I don't have my panties on, I forgot. All I have on is this shirt I borrowed from you. That OK?"

Rachel is gripping the armrest in her airline chair as her other hand is rubbing furiously between her legs.

The fantasy takes so many turns. Pretend I fell asleep while watching the movies, and as I sleep slide lower and lower until my tee has slipped up over my hip, and he is looking at my ass, staring between my legs. My shaved cunny, a juicy peach for him to bite into. MMMMMMM! Eat me.

I can feel his hand lifting my top over my hip, for a better view and I squirm my little ass to give him the show of his life. 

God he would like that!

And as he is watching me, do I pretend to waken and notice how exposed I am? Oh, and ask "You don't mind do you? What do you want to see?" Oh god, "What do you want to do to me? Anything? Anything at all."

I roll on my back and let my knees fall apart.

"Want to see my tat?"

A little pair of angel wings tatted right between my vagina and my ass. 

"See?" He's leaning in, yes he can. My legs wide. Oh, touch me. "When I am fucked, the cock inside me has angel wings."

"Oh, Uncle James I can't believe I let you see that!."

And then, oh, he is fucking me, all the way inside. He is not slow, hard, deep. He has turned me over and holding me on my knees.

Uhh, Uhh, Uhh. Slapping my ass each time he penetrates me.

With that her body begins to spasm uncontrollably, her abdomen contracting, her vagina contracting over her fingers as wave after wave of a fantastic orgasm burns inside. A lovely velvet orgasm, liquid glass, sending searing white heat through her. Oh god, Oh god. She is pressing herself into the seat, stretching, trembling. Petting her soft cunny, thank you. Thank you. The woman beside her does not move, no one is looking.

Oh it is fire, she is on fire. It feels so fucking good.

"James." She whispers under her breath.

Now calm, now silent. 

Only the dull roar of engines through the hull of the plane. Her hand soaked in cum. She can feel the wet spot beneath her ass. A smile quirks her lips. 

She closes her pants and falls asleep.

-----------------------

Meeting - Again

I found myself at the airport waiting for Rachel, thinking what have I gotten myself into.

She appeared suddenly from the entrance wearing cargo pants and a pink tube top, looking tired but with a big smile on her face when she saw me. My how she had changed. 

"Uncle James!" 

My god she was coming to stay at my house. She came up and gave me a hug, which considering I am not used to, I looked like one of those ridiculous old people who do not know how to hug. It was no big deal at the time, but I remembered in hindsight having no idea where to put my hands since her entire midriff were bare.

"You tired?"

"I'm not too bad, yet. I just about arrived when I left though. I won't make it too late tonight. We can go."

"Baggage?"

She was rolling a tote bag behind her. "This is it, all I got in the world."

I looked at her incredulously. Almost jealously. The idea of having so little baggage. And so little considering she was, after all, moving here for an undetermined duration.

"Mum gave me money. I don't want to wear all those British clothes HERE. I'll need to fit in." And she was moving along with me in tow. "Besides I got everything I need on this." And she held out her Ipod.

"You are a true nomad." 

"A nomad with plastic!" waving her purse in the air.

------------------

Going Home

Rachel was 18 now and quite a bit taller, but still shorter than me, coming up to about my chin. Her dark hair was so much longer than I remembered, silky and shiny, and she was so well groomed. Her hair was clipped at the center, a handful of hairs forming a pony tail down a mane of dark hair that curled over her shoulders to the middle of her back. Europeans have such a cleaner, more confident look about them. Vibrant. Her hair flashed and followed behind as she tossed it around as she moved. She had such a lovely smile, and something exotic. The whites of her eyes were so white, the pool of brown brought that out, and her teeth so white. Such a wonderful smile, even when tired. Her movement so fluid, catlike. Her waist was narrow, her legs long, as I followed in her wake. Her mother moved there from America years ago, and so Rachel's entire life had been spent on the outskirts of London. Her father was a global traveler, multiple nationalities. She had inherited her mothers size and shape, and her fathers smile, eyes and dark skin. As she walked ahead, the sway of her hips. I am writing this after all events have occurred, but still, I could not help noticing. And I definitely did look at her ass and lovely female figure as I trailed behind that day.

"Mum says hi."

"I got everything ready, all the school things are in your room. We need to meet with the administrator and I have to sign paperwork with you. I'll be your guardian here."

I prattled on but she was not listening.

"I got to pee something fierce."

She laid her bag at my feet and disappeared as I stood waiting.

-------------------

That First Night Sets the Wheel in Motion

I believe all the subsequent events between us were set in motion over the next four hours. It put all the relevant pieces in place and set them in motion so to speak.

"I can NOT go to bed until eight," she declared as she set her bag by the sofa. "You got to entertain me." She cocked her head, threw back her hair and met my eyes. "I'm really here," she interjected.

"Ahhh." A woman in my house, interaction. Entertain? I was no longer home by myself, moving through a space that had become likes a monks cell. I was a fish who left the water of my solitary home and went out into the dry world, trying to remain alive until I could make my way back into the safety of my cell. But this girl was standing in my pond.

She volunteered, "We can play poker."

It seemed absurd, but I agreed. 

I had cards which I readily found, and dealt them out. 

With such certainty she says, "We got to play for money. All I got is plastic. Can you spot me?"

I looked like a deer in the headlights, so much happening. My reticence and acquiescence to her became my dominant trait, she found it silly and endearing.

In response to me she added, "We don't have to." The sideways glance, the pout, the girlish voice. Those teeth. Another beginning. My coquette.

"No. No. I got a jar of coins upstairs."

I wanted to please her and got my jar. We divied up the coins and darn if she did not win $10.

"I guess I don't owe you anything after all!" She had this wonderful smile, her eyebrow quirked up as she scooped her winnings into her purse. What was my sister talking about. Trouble?? So easygoing.

I said, "You sure are good at bluffing."

"You are too easy to read."

Cards laid aside, I had a small glass of red wine I had been sipping. I gave her small glass.

"So, Rachel why did you come, now? I mean, you were supposed to come summer, but its three months before high school is over. I mean not finishing out a full year in your senior year?"

She stretched, a little, tension? "You want the long story or the short?"

"Uh, just the story."

"It was because...." she paused, stretched again. Almost punched the air. "Well, it was Mums boyfriend, Tom, her now future ex-husband." My eyes widened. I had not heard. They were married? "He's a creep, a loser. Having her married was too much."

"That does not sound like Kate."

She sighed. "Mums changed. They've all changed." She shrugged, looked to the side a little while. There was pain there. "After dad divorced her right around...." I eyed her. "You know right after..."

"Lisa died."

It was like permission to proceed. I had to say it. "It was like she never got over what happened. And she's older, I get that, it's hard, and like men don't seem so interested. She wanted someone, and there was no one, and ended up taking anyone. So...ok, I get it, that's like, whatever. But....I just asked her to wait, not even that long. Wait till I move, you know. THIS was already planned. I'm already accepted at university. Just fucking wait." She paused. "Sorry."

"I see. And what did she say when you asked?"

"She says, I am through putting my life on hold...for you." And I distinctly saw her eyes go glassy, "I'm like fuck you."

I shook my head, "Not Kate...her faith..."

"Oh, she plays a good game. You know what - she's the kind of religious that doesn't do it for love love love, but so she can not be held accountable. It's like god told me or I prayed about it or I asked forgiveness, blah blah blah. I was fuck you and said you know what if that's how you feel, and I called her on it."

There was a pause.

"So that's my story, how about you?"

My heart immediately heavy. I hated this story. "Nothing to tell. Its four years since...." my turn to feel pain. It formed this fulcrum, this odd point of connection between us. I felt very close just then for some reason, I remembered. We talked low in this large silent house, one light on. The two of us now.

And she leaned in, and I wanted it not to go there, not tonight. So I added, "And you threw that snowball at me."

She laughed. "That's right. Oh my god. So, now?"

"I got to get back at you sometime." I grinned.

"What do you do around here?" She yawned.

I shrugged. "Not a lot to tell. Ordinary....I go to work, I have classes. Read. Teach."

"Anyone in your life?"

I felt myself grow warm, her eyes on me. "I, uh, I'm," shaking my head, "Not ready." She looked at me incredulously. "It's, I mean..." I had an odd need to justify myself.

"You sound depressed."

"No it isn't that. Really. I'm, it feels like the play is over. Nothing else there. I look ahead and..."

"Well, sounds depressing."

"I'm comfortable." It did sound depressing. "I found a magazine once that had an article how long it takes you to get over someone. It said it takes as long to get over them as you have been together. I mean it was a teenage magazine. I was like, I'm 53 and was with Lisa for 23 years so I can start dating when I am 72."

She laughed at that, "No, no. Don't, talk like that. A catch like you, you can find the ladies. You gotta try." She touched my arm. "You are as cute as I ever remember you. Cuter," and she reached her hand and brushed the side of my ears, "with these little silver stripes. You're like a silver back."

I flushed a little and said, "You will be good for me."

"Shake things up a bit eh, I'm the coolest girl you'll ever know." 

"Boost my ego."

"Coolio."

And we fell silent, her eyes drooping, but fixed on mine. I had succeeded and kept her awake. 

"Well this little coolio has to go to bed."

-----------

Risk and Reward, and Secrets

Rachel was a mystery to me. There was a hiddenness in her openness and honesty. Too much openness. She literally said whatever was on her mind, no holding back. I could not imagine her as anything but a good girl.

But.

This drip drip drip of teenage secrets was beginning to bother me. Not because I could not handle what she told me. Given her background it did not even really surprise me, but the fact I had indicated to my sister I would keep her in the loop as a parent had me bothered. The things she would sometimes say about her mom and Tom. In fact, my absence of problems led her to believe I was not being honest, and she would ply me for stories, events. Implying I MUST have had a thing with one of my students before. Especially after.....or SOMETHING.

But Rachel was another story. I won't go into full detail here. It would be too long. They included going through a friend's house when she wasn't supposed to, riding in a car packed with kids when she had just been expressly told not to, shoplifting. Taking money from her mother. These were stories readily shared. Things that I did not pass along to her mother.

But today I was being openly invited to be complicit, as she specifically asked me not tell her mother. After tentatively agreeing, she had asked me if I would sign a permission for her to get contraceptives, the 'pill.' Now from my point of view this was responsible teenage behavior, but since it came with the promise not to tell her mother to the point of lying if I am point blank asked I said, "I'll have to think about that."

And it escalated further. She asked me if I would be willing to buy her a vibrator. A sex toy!! And she asked in the context of the contraception.

Isn't this something SHE could do, why ask me? She was being completely 'honest' (or so I thought). She was upfront always open, I was at a loss. Nothing could prepare me for this.

Where do I go from here? Why ask ME? I figured she was trying to throw me off, after all given her behavior with her mother there was probably many things I was also not being told. Isn't that a strategy with 'honesty.' Was she really? Was this her just trying to throw me off. There was another angle that fascinated me, after all one of my fields was the neurobiology of teenage learning and here I was able to observe first hand these choices, the language, what was told, how it was told. 

A category of sharing is honest deception. The lies are hidden in plain sight. So this was the position I found myself and I had to decide what to do. I knew my sister would be all over her daughter if she knew any of this. 

I started obvious, "Why ask me? Ask your mother. Why keep it from her?"

"Which request?" A smirk on her face.

"Lets start with the first one."

"She would say no."

"Then, there is your answer."

"You know that is irresponsible."

"Are you sexually active?"

She eyed me. "I should be prepared. I have been. In the past. Yes."

I sighed, good. This was responsible. "While in the States?"

"No."

"It's just, I don't want to lecture you but...."

"Here it comes." She slumped back in her chair.

"No. No. Seriously." I was flushed. Winded. Could not believe I was in this conversation. "You are new here temporarily, in transition."

"Life is temporary. I'm... I'm going to be here at least four and a half years." And her tone, her voice, her eyes, her luck all suddenly converged and in that moment she looked like Lisa. It shocked me, and I paused for a moment. The intransigence, impatience. Even her eyes. I had noticed once before, but today merging with her movement and voice, tone and words. And then she was Rachel again.

"...Let me finish. Yes. I know that, but you are in this high school another two months and whoever you are with is also moving on. It is a time to remain focused. You can get yourself in conflicts you just don't need right now. You are an outsider from a different country."

"I'm NOT having sex. I was on the pill at home, mom never knew."

"I will say it again. You are 18. Why ask me?"

"It is free at the school with parental permission. You are my guardian. YOU are responsible for me." She was exasperated. "Look, Jim, you know this is the right thing for me to do. It just is, I am an adult, a situation can occur. It is reality. I don't want to have anything happen, have some accident." I was silent as she continued. "I guess I can always use the poor girls birth control, if need be." She threw that in so nonchalant.

"Excuse me?"

"Poor girls birth control," another smirk on her face. It was readily apparent I had not comprehended her words. She added, "You're the teenager neurobiologist." She waited for me to catch on, "Oh come on!" 

I was truly at a loss.

"Seriously. I have to say it?"

- 

"A blow job. You know, a blow job." She said each word slowly the second time.

I really flushed then, my ears went bright red. My eye twitched, it caught me completely off guard. Testing me. She had managed to do it. It touched on some things sexually I was not prepared for. I was almost thrown back.

She read me immediately. "It takes the boy right out of commission, well most of them anyway. So sign me up for poor girls birth control? That what you want?"

I simply said, then, taking the paper, "OK. here, I'll sign it." 

"Why are you so flustered about this. I thought this would be, like a normal adult conversation."

"I'm not..." I slid the paper to her across the table. She left it there.

"You are, look at you, you're glowing!"

"It's just not something I think about, or say. Or..."

"What? Contraception. Or ... Blow job. It's like no big deal. For my age it is like totally no big deal. It's less than a kiss."

"Oh, you know that is not true." The words fairly burst out of me. 

"A kiss is intimacy."

"A ... blow job... IS sex."

"Not to President Clinton it's not," she laughed.

"It is..." I was wavering. I sounded foreign in my ears. "It's not...I...mean"

"Not to young people. No way. You ever have a blow job?"

"What?" This conversation had to end.

"It's sure not sex, that's for sure. Have you? Ever. I mean its not like it was just invented." 

"Give me the slip, here I can sign this." 

"You already signed it!" She was smiling at my discomfort, and pausing she said in a whisper, "I won't tell."

Truth. I never had. Never. It was something that was simply so unacceptable, said to even be dangerous. Even masturbation was frowned on. I hadn't even heard of such a thing until I was a teenager. My sister and I raised in a religious family. My wife, my only sexual partner, she never did. I had thought about it and now I was remembering actually asking and being rebuffed. It never came up again.

"You haven't. Seriously?" She was genuinely surprised. I did not answer. "Serious. Wow." She fell back in her chair.

I looked down, somehow feeling deficient and more embarrassed than ever. I looked over letting my eyes wander up her legs, wondering at the things she had done. This girl so much younger than I. Seeing her bare feet. Wondering at the sexual freedom of young people. At all the things I had never done. I had never gone down on my wife, never had a blowjob. Cunnilingus. We spooned. I sucked her breasts, her nipples in my mouth....thinking of what we had and had not done with each other. I had intercourse with her doggy style, something we had done.

Suddenly feeling so deficient. I tried to recover myself, and proceeded to move into lecture mode: "Lets talk about YOUR situation. The teenage mind is not wired to make good decisions in matters like... this, especially in YOUR situation. A new environment, your need to establish yourself arouses a desire to experiment."

She took the sheet I signed and began folding it up. "Thanks, but that is precisely why this is a GOOD idea. I might not make good decisions, right? I agree."

"Let me finish....Teenagers underestimate risk and overestimate reward. So the behaviors, and you have shared with me plenty that exhibits this very thing, get skewed to highly risky behaviors for an overestimated reward. There is a survival benefit to all this, but for the group not the individual. Today it is mostly detrimental because the risks have been societally reduced. The pill gives you a sense of security, and will allow an even higher underplay of risk relative to reward."

"I get it." She wanted to smile, patronize me, but did not. She got what she wanted and wished to leave. I wondered at what she could possibly be thinking. All my talk now was for nothing, I signed the thing, I could not go back now. She was right, and I had acquiesced but now she knew things about me, personal things that embarrassed me. 

"It is like tattoos. No assessment of risk."

Her eyes brightened. "I have a tat."

"Exactly. It can have long term consequence."

"No one ever going to see it where I got mine." She said under her breath. I felt myself grow warmer, let it pass.

I continued, "In contrast, you have to understand, over time the ability to assess risk improves. You make better choices. Risk and reward comes into balance, but time. It takes time. Age experience." 

And then, she leaned in and kissed me on the lips.

And for the briefest instant I let her. Her lips molding around my lower lip, a soft and delicate kiss. 

Intimate.

"What?!"

She leaned back, tossed her hair back, a sweet smile on her face. Her head tipped to the side looking at me. She said innocently, "I'm underestimating risk to reward James. It's just my little teenage brain, I guess. OK."

I was sputtering, "You...."

She just continued, talking over me, "I get it. I agree. I do not fully trust myself around men. I have been here over a month and have had no acceptable release, at all. I am a sexual being who is young, at the prime of my life and I am self aware enough to know if I make a bad choice I do not want it to be a catastrophic choice. I am also aware of my different means of release with boys, and because of certain events in my history, know that I should keep protection. I also know I do not generally like condoms, though I should. As for the dildo - next subject by the way - this also can provide me with the needed release that will keep me in a state of mind that keeps me to not be, how do you say, over risky." She put her chin on her hand and met my eyes again, warm and sweet. "We are on the same page here, James, I know myself. And, yes, I am over sharing, but you get it, and I have always felt I can talk to you." 

I was still thinking about the kiss, looking at her lips, the white of her teeth, her tongue. Feeling my face flush all over again. Her neck was narrow, her top dipping down across her collar bone.

She was leaning toward me, eyes still on me. 

"Ahhh, James. If you...." she paused, stopping herself before continuing. "I know risk and I'm not really who ANYONE thinks I am." (The tough front of a person hurting I remember thinking) "Lots of changes." She leaned back into her chair and began straightening her top, let out a breath. "I'm going to tell you something." She took a breath and continued, "It cannot leave this room."

She paused waiting for my consent.

Not again, but I agreed.

"Last year, I became infatuated with this boy who I saw one day out of the blue. He stopped me in my tracks, looked up and saw me staring, gave me a sweet smile and kept on walking. After that, it was all over. I'd never had such a crush. This little girl was smitten. But I was so shy, and lived under the shadow of my mothers endless behavior restrictions. I was her good girl after all. So what to do? He knew I liked him cause my friends made sure of that and he was a tease. A player. Whenever he talked to me I blushed. Whenever I tried to talk to him, my tongue became thick, my mind blank. I said a lot of stupid things. He toyed with me, he'd stand too close, touch my arm, kiss my cheek for my birthday. He always had girlfriends, it didn't matter to me. I just felt all these things, and could not imagine him liking me, I couldn't be myself WITH him. I was just a gangly little tomboy, not a woman, not capable of feeling desire, or being desirable."

"Anyways he ended up being part of my group, and I got to knowing him. I started to talk more easily. We became better acquainted, his interests weren't the same - at all. And, the more I got to know him the less I liked him, romantically anyway. Unfortunately, the more he got to know me, the more he liked me. Isn't it always the way. He invited me to his house one time, and I truly thought - OK - we are friends. I said yes. When I arrived I immediately realized his parents were gone, and we would be alone. Girls have this radar that is always on. I was aware but It didn't bother me, we were friends. You would say minimizing RISK."

Anticipating my thoughts.

"But I wasn't uncomfortable. Never had cause to be. I was just aware. I didn't know that an hour into the movie I would be fighting him off of me, or that he'd tear my shirt, or I'd be yelling for him to stop, holding my torn top to my chest as I left. And that wasn't the worst of it."

She paused, it seemed, collecting herself. Her voice had become this even low tone.

"The next day at school I was ridiculed. His guy friends would mutter under their breaths to me as I walked by, "No! Stop!" in a whiny little girl voice. He had told everyone how I wouldn't put out. And my friends saying, 'you liked him didn't you?' I did my best to ignore it all, but still ended up spending most of the day cutting class in the bathroom, crying and trying to hold it together. And in that bathroom I saw myself for the very first time. Really saw. My hair was long, wavy, the rich color of honey reflecting back at me in the mirror. My eyes were blue. My skin was tan and clear, my lips have a nice shape." I was looking at her eyes, her face, her lips as she spoke, and even looking down at her chest as she said, "My breasts were nice, developed, I had curves in all the right places, my legs were long. And I realized I was NOT a tom boy. And how I had spent my adolescence in this shell, arrested development, mentally isolated from WHO I AM. And my mom is divorced now, and all her men and the way SHE is, and what it all did to me. Her projections of her wishes for herself ALL pushed on ME, but not even what she really wants for herself. Adults are hypocrites. And she did this to me until her fears became mine, my fear of intimacy. How love had become this mechanism that hurts you, and I was angry and something broke that day."

"You became you." I intoned.

"How she had poisoned me with fear and hate for my body, for sex, for boys, for men. I saw for the first time how I really appeared, the desire, the power I could have. Confidence. I don't know. But not fear. That my body could be enjoyed, I could feel, be touched. It's not risk vs. reward that teenagers don't understand James. It is that the intensity of EVERYTHING is so incredible to a teenage brain, intense, the wiring is brand new, it's like our circuitry is wet and it has not dried yet. Our skin is this wet, living membrane, wet all the time. How everything feels, looks, the memory of everything. Intense, new, beautiful, alive, all the time. A minute is an hour for me, burning inside me. I can so feel everything. Want, desire, anger, sadness. And I want these things because I fucking KNOW THE RISK. Life is different when you have time, all the time in the world. Risk is just this box that never lets you live. Fear. Hatred."

She was just about whispering now, "So everything was different now. Everything. And I was with these friends of mine. Boys. Boys who really have no interest in girls. And I am joking around with them, sort of, in a way trying to somehow share what I was feeling, but its impossible, and the words aren't there, and its not coming out the same. They are laughing at me, and I get this idea to, what the hell, do something with this brand new body of mine. And I tell them out of the blue that I really really want to go dogging."

"Dogging?"

"Dogging. Yeah. You never heard of it?" She is exasperated, like I don't know anything. "It's a thing in England. Women, women will go out, usually with a couple guys in tow, and make themselves available. Sexually."

She waited for a light to sort of go on in my eyes, which this time it did. I wanted to lecture, but refrained. This was all so irresponsible. I did not want to hear.

"You decide what you will allow, what you are willing to make available. Like..." she laughed, "You know, poor girls birth control, maybe." She was still smiling as I grew embarrassed all over again. Fuck, I hated she knew that about me. "And my friends were like why the hell not. And as a joke they put a collar on me, and a leash and we went to one of the places where dogging happens. I was out and had this collar and leash, and they are sending out the message and I am waiting by the car. It's getting dark. I wanted to give pleasure, be desired, feel desire, FEEL my body, feel, feel my power."

"And truth I'd never done it before, nothing like it. I had barely held hands. So, a great way to practice. HA." She winked. "And the first guy is there and ready and its like open your pants, and my god - he does it! His penis is right there, hard and I put my mouth on it. And its like, I don't know how to do this. Am I doing it right? But it doesn't matter at all. He's standing with his eyes closed, and I am sitting down, he doesn't care."

And now I am sitting there listening to her actually describe a blow job. I do not know what to do with my hands. I can actually feel myself stiffening a bit. I simply listen impassively. I cannot recall ever feeling so uncomfortable, and I just want it all to end.

"And I am like this goddess, he just wants it. Wants. Wants me to. And he cums like right away and I do not know what to do and it makes this mess, and he is like all into that. I have it on my face, and he's like 'yeah, best blowjob ever. Thanks.' Polite. And I think, this is like so funny. There is absolutely nothing you can do wrong. I am a goddess, you know. His hand was in my hair and I had not even noticed, and then someone else waiting. I sucked off three guys, and I was tired. Ready to stop."

"And this other guy comes up and I'm like no no no, and he says no he doesn't want a blowjob. He just wants to sit down and have me stand in front of him and touch me over my clothes a little bit. I was in this skirt and nice little top, still had the collar on, and I had not expected this and I said OK. And Oh, when I felt his hands, soft and slow, on my body. Feeling, touch, really feeling me. It was like I was feeling myself for the first time, which is fucked up I know. But that's how it felt. I had never felt anything like it, it had such devotion, so soft, his eyes were closed and he rubbed up my body. Slow, every touch and I swayed there and let him rub me, my hips and breasts, my neck, under my chin. He found my legs and I let him rub me up under my dress, up my thighs, inside my legs, and he cupped me between my legs and this may be weird but I was in touch with my body, like it was the first time. I felt beautiful and in that moment it was exactly what I wanted."

"When he sort of slowed down, I asked - enough - in this sweet little girl voice. Like I was helping him find something. Like I was his nanny or guru. He nodded, all glassy eyed, grateful, and I left." 

She looked exhausted after this story. 

I was confused, dizzy, it was overwhelming. I was feeling things I had not felt in years. Had nothing to say.

There was some kind of a seed being planted, and it would not be going away. 

Call it life. My brain going a million miles a minute, a part of me trying to understand, but not. And this other part of me feeling, and still another desiring. Desire. This was the seed, and I felt it sinking into my skin. 

And suddenly I felt myself coming alive. The desire. I could feel it, and I wanted to be one of those men on that nondescript night. I wanted to feel like that. With these thoughts, when she met my eyes again and lay her hand on the side of my cheek and brushed her fingers through my beard as we shared that moment. As we somehow sensed a feeling that was shared. Not words, and I cannot even say what it was. But it WAS shared. And then I felt shame with my desire, as I looked down and away. 

Speechless. 

There were simply no words. 

Somehow my walls, my pond, my defenses - had all been broken.

She simply brushed her fingers along my beard and said, "We have to give your beard a little trim."

-------------------------

Complicity and Guilt

So that's a hell of a lot of context.

Here is my question:

How much am I obliged to tell my sister when my niece confides in me? On one hand, I want my niece to have a non-parent adult to whom she can talk about things. On the other, I can imagine her telling me something eventually that I would have to tell my sister. Where is the line? And if it was not all I had heard, then what is??

In this case, I did not tell my sister any of it. She would absolutely want to know, and I think would be disappointed or even hurt if she found out I had withheld this from her. But my niece has a right to the same respect my sister gets, and there are definitely secrets I keep for my sister. I don't think this topic is going to hurt my niece, so I think I'm pretty safe not telling my sister. But we've entered some fraught territory already.

And even worse, my sister was not willing to believe me. As a result I had to outright lie.

"She really is a good kid Kate."

"You are keeping things from me."

"No, really, I am not."

"Has she asked you for anything?"

"No."

"Birth Control?"

"Kate!"

-------------------------

First (and Second) Touch

After that evening, a tension emerged between us. 

Nothing obvious, and hard to put a finger on really. On the surface nothing changed. She was still talkative, we had our routines, I gave all my opinions and thoughts, we played cards, shopped, watched TV, ordinary life. But there were pauses, openings, an added feeling between us, a warmth and pleasure that covered me when I looked at her. It was this pleasurable tension, attraction and arousal. Like the feeling of melting chocolate. Like a shell was there one day and gone the next, leaving this extra sensitive layer beneath our skins. It didn't help it was spring with the weather noticeably warming, adding sunlight, injecting libido and desire into everything. Maybe she did not feel it, but it seemed she did. She certainly played it, and from that day forward I was 'Jimmy.'

That name, my new name, one I had never been called before, changed us.

One other thing. She liked to come down for coffee in the morning, just before I was ready to leave for work. The coffee was already made, I had long since been making extra in the pot for her, and I had already had breakfast. Whenever Rachel came down, she wore tight sweatpants and T-shirt. They had High School names and slogans printed on the front. She had one pair of sweats that said pink right over her butt. A little suggestive. There had been mornings she wore only a long tee, with bare legs, her top just covering her behind - but on warmer days. She was always barefoot, and her hair a nice dark tangle fallen over her eyes, sometimes pulled back and clipped. She always wore a little make up, lip gloss, but not in the morning when she met me to say goodbye and have her first cup of coffee. She had such a fresh look in the morning, large eyes, and kind of a groggy demeanor.

But the new thing, the thing that was completely different, was when I would get my bags and say my good days, she would walk up to me and say "See you Jimmy!" and kiss me. A peck really, a short kiss, on the lips. At first it surprised me, and I started a bit, thought about putting a stop to it all. The feeling that ran through me, a warm happiness. She, balancing herself against my chest with her hand, "Bye. Bye. Jimmy. See you tonight!" I never sought a longer kiss or anything like it. Utterly innocent. I remained passive, though in my heart of hearts it sent a shiver through me. Not lust exactly, but a wonderful morning shiver. Joy. Human connection. I had determined many mornings to put a stop to it, but at the relevant moment never did. Some mornings she would wrinkle her nose after the kiss.

It became habit, automatic.

The nose wrinkle was when her lips slipped slightly higher onto my upper lip from my lower lip, which resulted in my mustache scraping her upper lip. She would wrinkle her nose. It tickled. It was a very similar reaction to when I had kissed Lisa. I had had a mustache and beard for many many years. 

And on some of those mornings Rachel would say, "We need to trim that beard of yours." Just as she had said the day our kisses began.

So imagine the scene of me in professorial suit and tie, usually tweed. Sometimes no tie. Sometimes a sweater with my leather bags. This 18 year old girl in a tight little pair of sweat pants and tee following me to the door, her tangle of auburn hair fallen around her shoulders, sparkling brown eyes, pressing her hand to my chest leaning up on tip toe and giving me a soft little kiss on the lips each morning. I simply started to reply, "Bye dear."

On Fridays I have a half day, and on that day Rachel actually leaves the house for school before I do. On this Friday, however, there was a teachers conference on Thursday and Friday, so she had both days off. We had our morning off together. Not a big deal, I set Friday mornings as a time to read student papers, but Rachel had another idea as to what we were going to do this morning.

She had a small beard trimmer in her hand as she stood in the doorway. Sweats and tee on, her normal morning attire.

"We are going to trim that beard."

I looked at her, "What?"

This was something she had said many many times now, but it never dawned on me that she actually meant it. 

"Trim your beard," she was waving the trimmer around in her hand, standing before me with a cocked hip, and it registered what she held. I had one as well, but I did tend to be remiss, and I usually let the barber trim my beard when I got my hair cut.

"OK. Uh, let me do a few papers first, then..."

She came over and took my hand, "Uh, uh," and pulled me into the den and sat me on the leather sofa. A little pout, "Lets do it now." She had a small towel there which was wrapped around my neck and she leaned me forward away from the sofa, getting everything ready. I was following along letting it happen, because after all this was something she had said she was going to do for some time now. 

I looked at her with the beard trimmer in her hand, "Why do you have one of those anyway?"

And she looked me right in the eye, again, with her 'you should know' look. I had a pause, blood rushing to my skin, and as my realization arrived she added, "I have a little beard I like to trim as well." Her eyebrow arched as she said it, that smile on her face, so precious, her eyes twinkling into mine, the enjoyment she felt when she left me speechless. 

This morning she had put on a little of her lip gloss which gave her mouth a delicious shine. Her eyes a deep, dark almond shape, and the brown of her eyes bringing out the sparkling white. Her lips, in a pout, as she adjusted me getting me ready, and then she kneeled down in front of me, standing up on her knees between my legs, placing her even with me as I leaned forward.

That tension between us again. I looked at her arched eyebrows, the little strands of hair falling over her eyes that she could look through. Her warmth and smell as she kneeled before me. So sweet, her concern, how she loved taking care of me. Preening, she ran her hand across my cheek, roughing my beard as she did, assessing its length. 

"You'll look so much better when this is trimmed up," she cooed, and with that the trimmer began to buzz. It was battery operated, a small narrow black razor with the right length attached to the end of it. I could tell. She seemed to know what she was doing. She swayed and held herself there between my legs as she trimmed, slowly, carefully. 

Little tufts of hair falling to the floor, the feel of the razor running up my cheek, under my chin. We were so close, the angle of her there, her body before me. I could feel her breath on me occasionally. I began thinking of her stories, of what she had done, of feelings, desire, her body. Her beauty. And as she swayed before me, shaving my beard I reached my hand out and held her, simply to steady her, holding her at her side wrapping my fingers around to the back of her ribcage. Watching her eyes, she briefly glanced at me but continued to trim. I was going to hold her steady.

I could feel the weight of her, feel her breathing, this little bird, her thin ribcage and how I could wrap my hand around her side, the way she leaned occasionally against my hand as I steadied her. No acknowledgement I was holding her, touching her, and I had never touched her like this before. She had lay her hand on my cheek, pressed her hand to my chest, kissed me. But never I reaching out to her. I brought up my other hand onto her other side, and again held her. Holding her there before me. Her small frame, so light, frail even. She letting me hold her, holding my hands on her. I could feel her breathing in and out, thought I could feel her heart beating, and I could feel a slight trembling in my own finger tips. 

What I did next was unforgivable. 

I haven't a clue what thoughts there were. Actually, there were none. Her breathing was so even, her smell, warmth, the feel of her so wonderful. I felt a sudden compassion, connection, moment of sweetest desire. Dare I say lust. It felt so right. I stroked my thumbs up her front as I held to her so that my thumbs literally pressed over the edge of her breasts. Far enough over her breasts to feel their softness, far enough to realize she wore no bra, and I so perfectly remember how such a thought registered in my thoughts. No bra. Her soft flesh. And I began to rub the side of her breasts with my thumbs, still holding her, still 'steadying' her, as I had touched her in this way.

I looked at her, frightened, almost as a child would who had done wrong. But there was no reaction whatever from Rachel. I had gotten away with it, or rather was in the midst of doing it and being allowed. So I continued, stroking her with my thumbs, more brazen. Letting my thumbs press inward as I rubbed up over her breasts, closer in, shifting my hands a bit as I did it. She responded by shifting herself a little closer, the whole time trimming my beard. Her breathing warm on my face, her eyes not looking at me, but at her hands as she worked. She had placed her other hand on my knee. I continued, slipping my hands around now to the front, and without any excuse, cupped her breasts, palming her with trembling hands, squeezing and feeling their shape, openly rubbing her. Feeling their shape and weight, so soft beneath the fabric of her top. I held to her, squeezed and stroked at her breasts. They felt so free beneath the fabric, the thin worn fabric of the tee. Each hand covering each breast, I could feel her nipples tighten in my palm, could feel her leaning into my hands as I stroked my thumbs across her hardening nipples. 

My heart was pounding as I looked at her, squeezing her breasts. I saw her eyes close a little once or twice, as she would catch her breath, each time I scraped my thumb across her nipples. A wave of pleasure? I pressed her nipple with my thumb and forefinger, watching her head tip lower and her shaving briefly stop. Her eyes again meeting mine, liquid, the pleasure in her eyes. What could I possibly say? I saw this girl in front of me, this girl and her stories. I thought of her body, her desirability, how she wanted to be desired. The pleasure in her eyes. And I did, I desired her. 

She leaned away from me, and breathed out, "There. I think we're done."

I croaked out, "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." She moved back and my hands fell away. She was now standing before me, and I was looking up at her. Did this even happen? Guilt ridden, what could I possibly do now? Much like that man had in her story. She stood before me in her sweat pants and tee, pulling the hair back out of her face. I was waiting for a tut tut. Something. Anything.

Finally I said, "Rachel, I'm sorry. I never intended to...."

She looked at herself and at me, put her hand on my cheek, held it there as I looked up at her, and said, "It's OK Jimmy. You do so much for me. You make me feel good. I like it when I can make you feel good sometimes too."

She took the towel from around me, and I had not even realized it was there. I was trembling, continued looking at her. Her body beneath that loose fitting morning outfit, the same one I saw each day. Knowing what her body felt like. Her hair, her smell. The feel of her hand on my cheek. This rising desire I felt. It simply cannot be. I could now imagine how her breasts felt, her heartbeat, breath. I had touched them, held them. She walked out of the room and came back with a dust pan and small brush, leaning down to sweep up, her tee falling away a bit. 

I said, "I'm afraid I have become like all those other boys, those men."

She did not look at me, but said, "I didn't go running out of the house did I?"

"Rachel...."

She stopped, set down the brush and pan, and sat next to me. "Stop. Look." Gathering her thoughts, "Don't make it a big deal. It felt...good. Nice. You do so much for me. You make me feel good. Believe me, I know how to take care of myself." She had taken my hand and was rubbing my fingers, holding my hands palm up, looking at me. She laughed then and looked down at herself, "I mean, really, they are so small anyways, it doesn't matter. Does it? Anything above my waist, is yours."

I wanted to say, 'no, they are wonderful.' But did not want to go there. We paused, she let go of my hands and once again brushed my cheek, ruffled my beard and drew her hand under my chin. "Oh Jimmy. What am I going to do with you?" 

I looked at her eyes, her smile. The way she held my cheek. And I said, "So, it was OK? You're sure?"

"Yes. I would tell you if it wasn't."

And my heart began pounding, her body before me, and I am now literally trembling. Temptation rising in my thoughts. How I wanted to touch her again. The feelings that were coming over me were overwhelming. "Can I. Now?"

My hand open, and palm up. Like I was begging. She looked down at herself and me, leaned back into the sofa. "Sure."

And surrendering herself to me, I began to once again draw my hands over her. Rubbing softly up and down her front, squeezing her breasts, caressing her shoulders, and down her arms. Her thin top moving to my touch, as I pushed the fabric around on her body. She lay like that with her head back on the cushion, looking at me, sighing and closing her eyes, a soft smile on her face. I ran my hand across her belly, over her navel, could feel the little indent there, and up over her breasts again. Squeezing and drawing my fingers around her nipples. Feeling her nipples tightening again. She felt so wonderful, her yielding body. Anything above the waist, I am thinking. I wanted to lay her down and stroke her back, take her top off, run my fingers through her hair. I rubbed my hand over her neck under her chin and across her collar bone, she simply leaning back in the sofa letting me. Running my hand down her sides I could feel each rib, I wanted to count every little crevice, dimple and curve on her body in that moment. I was in such a flight of fancy. Lost in feeling and desire. It had been so long.

"Mmmm." She stretched, "feels nice," she cooed to me, eyes on me now, encouraging me. I could feel her arousal. Soft sighs, and the movement of her body against my hand. Letting me stroke, touch, squeeze, caress. 

I have no idea how long we were like that. This time she had not touched me. But I her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes glowed. I brushed the hairs from her cheek, and then we stopped, as if on a nonverbal command between us. The air was liquid and warm and I was hard, my cock was hard, and with subtle embarrassment I adjusted myself. She gave no notice.

The time had gotten so I needed to get ready to go. 

I got up to gather my things, and she finished sweeping. As I put my coat on, she padded up to me barefoot with a big smile, "There, you look so much better Jimmy. I can see your lips now." 

She put her hand to my chest and leaned in, so slow closing her eyes. I held her by the waist this time, running my hands up her side, over her ribcage with my thumbs pressing into her breasts as I held her to me, her lips pressed to mine. She lingered this time, slower and I let her, let her kiss me soft and full on the mouth. I wrapped my arms around her then and felt her chest press into me. I returned the kiss, and we let our lips close around one another. Her breasts now pressing into my chest, she was still up on tip toe. I let go and she stood back. 

I could barely breathe.

Her cheeks glowed, and she was suddenly shy, turning away. "Have a nice day," looking back at me in her bare feet. Her smile, her lingering warmth. 

I walked out of the house in a daze.

----------------------------------

Susan, a Guilty Mind and Hatching a Plan

My feelings over the next several hours cannot be conveyed. 

First, an overwhelming general elation. There was this tremendous release, I believe, from a surge of testosterone that was now coursing through my body, a first in many many years. The feeling was so new to me, I wondered if I had actually been depressed. I kept looking at my hands, and remembering the feel of her flesh. But other parts of me were processing guilt and regret, and worry. What had I done? What if she were not fully honest with me? She may be disgusted with me. Of course she is going to say it is OK. What else to say, with the position of power I have she has no where to go, wants to stay in the States. Fearful of being sent back. 

Guilt and worry led to thoughts of commitment on my part to never letting it happen again. It was wonderful, but a gross misjudgement. I had to convey this to Rachel, in no uncertain terms. That I had engaged in touching her the first time, one can show carelessness. But, to ask and engage that second time while sitting next to her on the sofa. It had all the making of intent, of 'guilty mind.' 

What did she think of me now? Really think of me?

!!

As I rounded the corridor to my office, I almost ran right into Susan. Susan was a Fellow in my field, but a surgeon and not a researcher. We had worked together for many years, perhaps at least a decade.

"James!"

"Oh," suddenly aware of her there. "Yes." I felt as if she could read my mind.

Surprised at my simply saying yes, and nothing more, she proceeded with, "Hello." Standing and staring now at me. I was flustered at the contact as she stood right before me, and she noticed my discomfort. She was perhaps four of five years younger than me, a brunette with short brown hair; wearing a white coat, exactly as I always saw her. "You all right? You seem distracted."

"I'm just late."

"You're not! You are early. I didn't expect to see you for another hour."

I ran my hand through my hair. "Yes. Well...." Shit.

She was eying me now, "There's something different about you." I was truly positively glowing, physically I felt great. Was it all that obvious? It was my mind tormenting me not my body.

"Uh, yes, well my niece trimmed my beard this morning." I smiled trying to be nonchalant. "Like it." And settling down I began to move my thoughts back into the reality of my day, where I was. I felt like I was using my eyes for the first time.

She appraised me up and down. "Yes. That might be it. You just seem...distracted, more energy, than I've ever seen in you."

"Sorry."

"I kind of like it." She was smiling now. And I will add here that over the past several years Susan had displayed a consistent and high level of interest in me, and she at various times had not been subtle either. An interest that was held at bay due to me being in a period of mourning, but a mourning from which I suppose I have never fully emerged. She could have said I seemed happier, which at that moment was true. But I knew she would not. I was trying now to find my way around her, but she met my eyes and was keeping me in place, eying me up and down. Her cheeks flushed a little.

Was I going to leak testosterone now on every woman I met?

As I began to walk again she turned herself in beside me. "Say James." We were shoulder to shoulder now. "I've known you a long time, and we do not ever seem to do anything outside campus. What do you think about..."

I looked at her, and in a flash, realized this may be good. Susan. Yes. A way to deflect from Rachel, turn my thoughts. And I continued to listen with all these thoughts crashing about, cascading in my mind. No way she could have imagined my thoughts.

"Wouldn't it be nice to just go out, the two of us." Which I know she added because on other occasions she had tried to have a drink with me, or lunch, I tended to invite yet another colleague.

I ran my hand through my hair again, set my stuff down in my office. We had arrived at my office I realized and Susan was facing me again. Looking up at me expectant. We were like teenagers, nervous and the room was warm. 

"Yes, lets do that, it would be nice. Very nice." I said with a smile.

Her eyes literally sparkled, and I noticed how pretty she was. A white lab coat does nothing for ones figure and she was not young, as I was not. She had a shapely figure, though with more weight. The kind of look a middle aged woman would have, but pretty eyes, and a narrow nose. Very pretty eyes as I looked into them, green. Something I had never noticed before. 

"When?" And she continued with, "How about this weekend?" 

"How about Sunday." I did not want to say tonight, and Saturday seemed to soon. I needed time for this. I needed to tell Rachel. Why? Why did I think that? Would she be mad at me? Why the HELL would I think that?

"Sunday has the possibility of me being busy in the evening. I have a patient that will be having some of their equipment adjusted. Saturday might be better, or Monday. I actually have some surgery both days, but can schedule to have the evening. I can drive over to your house and get you, if that would be all right."

"Saturday then." I said. 

"We can go out to eat. Yes?"

"Yes."

And in a moment she was out the door, and I leaned back in my seat. Reveling in my body, and recoiling in my mind.

---------------------

Avoidance

The rest of the day went quickly. I knew I had a reprieve from Rachel because it was Friday and she was always out Friday nights. She may be home when I got home, and in realization of that, I stayed in my office a little later. At one point I got a text from her: 'WHEN YOU COMING HOME?' Did I really intend to miss her like this? I answered, 'DID NOT GET MY PAPERS DONE THIS MORNING.' Which was true. 'I WILL BE LATER.' I admit it, I was nervous. Did not know what to expect. She may be angry at me, I honestly did not know. I kept thinking about how I had fondled her, how she had felt, what she had said. The way her breasts felt, my hands roaming over her, the way she lay back, settled in the sofa. It was too much. 

And what she had said!

'I'm yours from the waist up' and 'they're so small it doesn't matter.'

And I am thinking, they did not seem all that small.

Stop!!

So I got home late and felt relief at the empty house, a note on the table indicating where she was. I had a curfew for her of 11:30 which she assiduously followed so she did not need to provide any indication when she would be home. It would be then or a little earlier. And I also found myself going to bed earlier, again avoidance. Many times I was up when she got home on Friday night. I usually went to bed a little earlier than 11:30 but tonight I was in bed before ten, so if she had even come earlier I would be asleep.

I lay in bed going through the day, everything. Worried about Susan coming to the house on Saturday and Rachel here. What if something was said, what if? 

I looked different today, Susan had said so. I smiled. I turned on my side, and fell asleep.

-----------------------

Morning Tete a Tete

I was roused next morning by a knock at my door.

Blinking my eyes open, I could see the sun was just coming up and that it was about 7:00. It was Saturday.

"Jimmy. Jimmy, can I come in?" Rachel's voice. "I have to leave for yearbook. I wanted to say goodbye."

Normally she would just leave. One of the things she had done at the school was to take journalism, and the school had made a space for her to participate in the assembly of the school yearbook. And it had been a great way for her to make some friends. 

I sat myself up and pulled the sheet higher, tucked it in around myself. I slept in boxers or nothing at all. This morning it was nothing at all. She had never seen me with my shirt off, and my heart began to pound, thinking about what I had done. Everything rushing in around me. This would be the first time I saw her since...a twinge in my loins.

I heard her again, "Jimmy?"

"Yes. I'm OK. Come on in."

She opened the door slowly and looked inside, before opening it all the way and padding over to my bed without turning on the light. I saw her sit at the edge of my bed, her form in the low light wearing a pair of shorts and a top that rode high up her midriff, a tight band around her middle with fabric running up over each breast, a little V down her middle. I could see it was tied around her neck. I knew the outfit, that I was noticing was interesting, as my thoughts immediately wandered to her body, her breasts, and I felt my cock stiffen It was frustrating and embarrassing. 

"Hi." She said. This soft lilting hi. Sing song. She was not angry at all. "I didn't see you last night, you must of went to bed early, and I have to go to yearbook. I have a lot of layout work and I'm a bit behind. Jason and Marnie are going to help me."

"That's fine."

"I wanted to say bye." She sat there looking at me, this pause between us. "You OK?"

I sat myself a little higher, knowing precisely what she meant. "Still waking. I'm fine...You?"

And we were silent again.

She pulled her hair back from her eyes, and bit at her lower lip looking at me, "I'm not usually tongue tied. You want me to get you some coffee. ANYTHING you need? I got a little time still." I caught a definite emphasis in the word anything. 

Silence, and I once again went into a worried little confession. "Look. Rachel. I'm sorry. I didn't mean...."

"Jimmy!"

I tried to continue, "Can we go back....forget....about"

"Stop! I SAID it was fine. Sheeesh. I'm fine. Look, I meant what I said."

"Honey, we can't."

Another pause.

"OK then. I'm just checking in, I'll see you later." I wanted to mention about Susan, but in that moment she lay her hand at my shoulder and leaned down to give me her kiss. All thoughts vanishing. 

Her lips were tremulous, she was moving slow, almost like SHE were nervous. Her hand trembling as she held my bare shoulder. I didn't stop her as her lips wrapped around my lower lip, the way she did it, and kissed me slow. Slow like the morning before, held her mouth to me. This little bee nipping and bouncing along the petal of a flower. I could smell her perfume and feel the warmth of her. So good. Her fingers were caressing my shoulder as she lingered there. I felt her tongue run along my lower lip, testing as I ever so slightly opened my mouth to her. The narrowest line, and felt her tongue dip inside, as I touched her tongue with mine.

She gave an audible sigh. My heart was pounding and my cock felt heavy. All my feelings, of release and exultation.

She sat back up and said in a quiet voice, "Hmm, That was nice!" Her hand was still on my shoulder, "Sure you don't want some coffee?" Looking me up and down she says out of the blue, "You want a back rub?" and began pushing at me with her small hands, rolling me over, and I let her turn me onto my front. "You seem tense."

"I'm not tense, I just woke up."

Her hand rubbed down the center of my back, feathery touches. This little bird in my room. I let out a sigh and she sat closer, by my side, running her fingers lightly all over my back. This human contact, so addictive, and I felt her run her fingers across my shoulder blades and down my back, while holding the sheet across my waist. 

"Feels nice," I sighed at the touch. This was alright. 

She said softly, "It's the same for you. Above the waist, K?" The implication was unmistakable, I let it pass. Her hands running down to my lower back, I continued to let her stroke and rub and caress. At one point her hands dipped beneath the sheet and ran right over the top of my butt cheeks. 

I looked at her, opening my eyes without lifting my head. "Above the waist."

"It was." She said matter of fact looking at her hands as she massaged me, running her hands over the same spot to make her point.

"That was not ABOVE." 

"Where do you think the waist is?"

Honestly, this was ridiculous. "Across the middle, that's your waist. At, at your navel." And I made a motion across my back at the narrow point of my back. 

She let go of me and grasped her cellphone, "No it's not."

"Rachel, I am a doctor."

"A BRAIN doctor."

She was tapping away at her phone. And she held out her phone, "There."

I turned myself around to look, sitting myself up to read the entry with the query 'Waist' while keeping the sheet tightly wrapped around my bottom half.

In triumph she said, "I googled it. The waist begins right here," pointing at the picture, "Right at the hip bone. This one has it a bit lower." As I read she had her hands on me again pressing me back on the bed, and she was stroking me on my front across my chest and drawing her hand lower as she said, "Right to Here." She drew a line across my abdomen well below my navel from the center point of my hip bone across to the other, coming perilously close to my penis, its hardness now completely obvious beneath the sheet. Her eyes on my abdomen the whole time, unmistakably eying my crotch. Then she let go and drew a line on herself across her low riding shorts well below the beltline, "On me, it is from here to here." Meeting my eyes, making sure I was looking, "And I think it dips down in the middle."

I let out a breath as her hand was basically laying across the front of her crotch. I eyed her concave belly, her shorts running low across her hips. Lust and desire filling me. 

Wanting to stop this I said, "I'll have some of that coffee now."

"K." She rose and left, shortly returning with a cup. I set up a little higher and had a sip.

As I sat there, she continued to rub me. I letting her. It felt so nice. She had done my back and now she was doing my front. I let her run her hands across my belly, up along my front and low across my abdomen. Above the waist, after all. And it felt so fucking good.

As she stroked me she says, "Honestly, Jimmy, I don't know how you ever got to first base with a girl."

I knew exactly what she meant.

"What are the bases now a days anyway?"

"What do you think they are?"

"Well first base is kissing, second base is up top, third base is uh lower, and well...." 

"And where are WE?" she said playfully. Her head jerked up as she said it, looking me in the eye. My cheeks were glowing now and she was drawing her finger down my front and poking at me as she said it.

I played along, "I guess, second base."

"Maybe minor league," she says.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, in the majors first base is kissing AND feeling up. You are definitely on FIRST base Jimmy." 

She was so adorable sitting there. So female. Her hands were mesmerizing me. I wanted to touch her. I moved a bit closer on the pretense of reaching my coffee, but as I sipped and set the cup back down, remained. Her hands were rubbing across my chest, drawing circles and lines on my skin. Playful and random. I lay my hand right at her hip, the demarcated line, and slid my hand up her side no fabric covering her there. I was touching her bare skin. She letting me, continuing to massage, not acknowledging at all my hand was on her as I began to curl my fingers across the bare skin of her midriff above those little shorts.

"Don't you have to go?"

"I have a little time."

And I did it again. I brought my hand up her chest and across her breasts. The fabric of her top was so much thinner. She closed her eyes as my palm scraped across her nipples. I lay my hand at her collar bone and felt her nails scratching me as I brought my hand back down over her chest, palming her breast and squeezing.

I ran my hand down her sides as she stroked me, and over her breasts, only our breathing and sighs in that gradually brightening room from rising sun. 

She let out a sigh and cooed, "You make me feel good." I gave her another squeeze.

"We shouldn't be doing this." I said as I continued to run my hands down over her tummy and across the top of her shorts, over her belt line, drawing my hand back and forth across the top of her shorts. I felt her hipbones and held them, curling my fingers around to her butt, ran my hand over her abdomen as she sat there, low between her legs. I could feel the mound of her crotch, her sex. I wanted to dip my hands into those shorts just then, I wanted her so much. To feel her, take her clothes off.

She shrugged. "It's not like we are going to go all the way. Nothing wrong with it. What's so different about your chest than mine? Really. With you it's OK. So...."

The reasoning was muddled. And I wanted to stop, but did not. I was running my hand across her navel, playing with her, felt the indentation which went down her abdomen from her navel down between her legs and the downy fur that would grow into that patch between her legs. Her warmth, the smell of her. She was looking down at my hand. Her massage of me had ended, and she simply held her hand to me in one place, holding herself up as I rubbed.

"But you are so much younger than me."

"Younger?" She rolled her eyes. "Not, that I am your niece?"

"Well yes. I mean..."

She cut in, "Just kidding. We're just making each other feel good. It's nice." And she let go of me, threw her hair back and put her hands behind her neck. "Want to see?"

Oh my god! She was going to take her top down. And I needed NEEDED to say no. But did nothing as I looked at her.

She fumbled behind her neck and let the fabric down around her waist. Her breasts exposed, perfect full tear drops clinging to her front. Lovely brown aureoles, half dollars, her nipples hard little erasers. She let me look at her keeping her hands at her sides. Proud of her effect on me. I lay my hand at her bare breast and stroked her so soft, her powder skin, pressing my hand to make it rise and squeezing. Her nipples were so tight, her cheeks were mottled and red as I touched her naked skin. She sighed as I touched her, her chin dipped low as she watched me. 

"I like it when you touch me. It's OK."

We continued like that a little while longer. When she looked the clock, "Oh, god." An hour had gone by. It was 8:00. "I do have to go," almost apologetic. She leaned down and was kissing me again, leaning across my chest, her bare breasts pressed to me and her lips on mine. The feeling was impossible, her breasts pressed to my chest. Skin to skin, it was too much. My cock was in agony. I let my mouth part and our tongues sliding and dancing together. I slid my arm around her back and held to her, she brought one leg up and let it lay along me. She was almost lying on top of me, skin to skin as we kissed, so gentle and soft, wet. She was chewing my lower lip, I felt the line of her teeth with my tongue. The most erotic thing I had ever felt in my life. She was such a good kisser. Before parting she bit my lower lip.

Then she stopped and leaned back a little and looked deep into my eyes, her hair falling down around my face as she said, "Don't be getting weird on me."

I watched her as if in a dream stand back up, slowly grasp her top and nonchalant pull the fabric back over her breasts, toss her hair back and tie it back around her neck.

"Bye."

In another moment she was gone.

--------------------------

D'Oh

I never told her about Susan.

Fuck.

It dawned on me as she walked out the door. 'Don't be getting weird on me.' What did that mean? But I knew immediately telling her about Susan had suddenly gotten harder. 

--------------------

Confrontation and Reconciliation

Rachel arrived home a little after one, and I had made some soup and sandwiches. She was in such a wonderful mood, happy, light. It was me with clouds in my eyes. She was a being a tease, open, touching my back as she walked by. What did she think this was? I had certainly let it all get too far. 

"We got so much done today." She said, going on about the yearbook. I had difficulty following as she listed everyone who was there that day.

She is 18 I kept telling myself, how can a teenager know what they want, or know what is OK? This was entirely. ENTIRELY my fault. There is a momentum to events, cause and effect. Past events have a way of recurring. I knew that. Patterns and habits. How do I put this back in the bottle? THAT would have to wait.

"Jimmy you aren't listening to me."

She was right. I had something I had to say, before getting distracted. Her flutter of words. This little bird in the house again. I simply dove right in.

"I have something to tell you."

"Yes." She stopped in front of me, so quickly she tipped to the side, almost toppling over, and back up.

"When I was at work yesterday, I ran into a colleague of mine. And...and we, uh SHE, is going with me to dinner."

"When?"

"Uh, tonight."

"OKaaaay. And you were going to tell me when?" She had a sandwich in her hand, was pointing it at me as she spoke.

"Well, now."

"Not like yesterday, OR this morning. I thought we were going to watch a show....Fine." She looked away. I watched her deflate before me. As she walked away she said, "Is this like a DATE or something?"

I answered honestly, "Sort of." She looked back, stopped, clouds forming in her eyes. Realizing my mistake I added, "No. Not really."

"Wow! Mr. not dated in four years, I'm not ready has a date, what a coincidence."

"Rachel."

"It's fine. I don't...I said it's fine." She left the kitchen. "I don't care."

I followed, "She is a colleague of mine. I've known her for years."

"You ever go out with her before?"

"Yes."

"Alone."

"No."

"So out of the blue, today - yesterday actually - it's like OK yeah lets go out. I'm READY now." A growl in her voice.

"She asked me."

She headed for the stairs talking as she walked, "I said it's fine. It's FINE. Go. This has gotten boring all of a sudden. Leave me alone."

I didn't see her the rest of the afternoon. I wanted to go in and talk with her some more but why should I have to justify myself? I knew how awkward. Waiting was a mistake. She was getting attached, there was a physical relationship now. I could imagine her feeling our dalliances would continue. That by going out I was somehow cheating on her. I had not told her when I knew, had engaged in what we had engaged in without telling her. And she knew I had not actually dated anyone in four years, that is if she believed me then. Was this even a date? I sat down, yes, yes it was. I also knew how interested Susan was in me. 

Fuck.

At one point I walked down the hall and saw Rachel in the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror, it reminded me immediately of what she had told me. She was feeling the same way, I imagined that was what she did when she felt that way. I had done it, become one of the boys. 

I now felt guilty for something in no way should I be feeling right now. I was not cheating on her. She was my niece for chrissakes.

From there I heard her slam her door. She did not appear again until evening when I heard her padding into the kitchen. I sighed. I have to talk to her.

When I entered the kitchen there she was, getting some food out of the fridge, wearing only a short little tee top that stopped right at the bottom of her butt. No sweat pants. Her legs bare,her hair pulled back in a pony tail. 

When she looked at me, her mouth was in a thin line. When she turned I could tell the tee was older, worn thin which accentuated her breasts. I could see the pink of her skin through the fabric. She went to the fridge again bending to get a soda, her top rising up her backside and I could see her panties. Oh my god! I felt a surge of heat, and felt my cock stiffen. A little pink pair, lace, with fringes. From behind the fabric ran half way up her ass before curving out to her hips, leaving most of her ass cheeks exposed. Her behind was unbelievable. I have since been told the style of these panties are called Tanga, and you should look that up sometime. The effect it had on me was overwhelming, bringing back all my desire and feelings of her from before. She stood again and walked over to the counter, ignoring me. My eyes unable to look away, riveted to her bottom peeking out from under the tee. 

She said to no one, "This kitchen is a mess!" Her tee was so short I could still see her ass, which as she stood there made it look as if she had nothing on underneath at all. Her thighs running up to the edge of the tee, and her bare ass cheeks peeking out, the edge of her top rising and falling with each movement. I could feel my hands begin to tremble and had to adjust myself, as my cock was stiffening down my pants leg.

She looked back at me as I stood there, "What do you want?" Her voice firm. She knew. A quirky little smile as she opened the dishwasher, and began putting the dirty dishes from the sink and counter in. Teasing me.

I simply watched, as each time she bent over her perfect ass came into view, the swell of her pussy lips bulging from her panties. I swear I could see the line of her slit disappear between her legs. Her top falling forward, and I could also see it fall forward away from her breasts, though from my angle could not look down her top. To me, being partially clothed is so much sexier than being naked, and her effect on me was overwhelming. At the same time I could tell she was mad at me. I considered my words carefully. She continued setting the plates in haphazardly, the glasses in the bottom. I like them on top. She was not putting the silverware in the container but just laying them in. Each time she bent over her little bottom on display. 

I stepped forward, "Sweetie. Here. Here, you know you aren't doing it right." She, glaring at me, I continued moving closer. "Here let me help."

She spun around at me, "I know how to wash dishes Jimmy."

"I know you do, I..."

From where I had approached and the suddenness of how she had moved placed her directly in front of me, and as she turned I backed to the counter. She approached and moved close so that her chest was just brushing against me. I tried to sidestep towards the dishwasher, but she had me trapped. She was standing so close I feared she would feel my cock running straight up my pants but I could not move back. She did not move any closer, and I moved to the other side from her and began to reposition the dishes and the cups and the silverware she had placed in the washer into their appropriate spots. 

She then went to the fridge and took out a three-quarter full bottle of wine and poured it into a wine glass, filling the glass to the top.

"Rachel, you shouldn't be drinking that."

"What?" She stood with legs apart, and took a long drink from the glass.

"Your not old enough."

"I am, in England."

"You're here."

"You served me a glass of wine two nights ago."

"With dinner."

"What? Now I need your permission?"

"Yes you do." And I took the glass out of her hand and set it on the counter. "Rachel, Susan is going to be here soon. I wanted her to meet you."

"So?"

"You. The way you are dressed. Not like this...Drinking wine, alcohol on your breath. I'm your guardian, how will it seem?"

"Like you..." She stopped mid sentence, not finish finishing what I knew she may say. But she did not go there. 

I continued to work with the dishes, she watching me, silent. She hadn't rinsed any of them, and in frustration I began removing everything and putting them back in the sink. 

"What are you doing?"

"You didn't rinse any of these." I continued, "Susan is a friend, I fully intended to tell you this morning, really, but, uh, I forgot. And I did not see you last night...."

She interrupted me. "You know what, I'm not mad about that. I'm not. I just feel like I tell you not to get all weird on me and you get all weird on me."

"This isn't weird."

"You know what, it suddenly feels fucking weird. Alright. I mean, I never hear anyone, like there is NOBODY in your life. All this not ready stuff, heard that one before? You haven't so much as looked at a girl - according to you - since...you know. And then, after - yesterday - you have date." 

She moved to the sink as she said that, turned on the water, began to rinse and place each dish back into the dishwasher as well, correctly. Bending and giving me a perfect view of her ass each time. I moved myself to see less of her and began putting in some of the glasses. Her glass of wine sitting on the counter. I wanted to take it dump it in the sink but did not. She next took a plate, rinsed it off, and turning toward me leaned into the dishwasher brushing the tips of her breasts across my arm. She did it again. Her body having its effect. She asked, "You going to sleep with her?"

When she next turned to the sink, I moved behind her and stood close, answering, "No. No. I'm just going out all right?" My mind was getting all muddled. I knew I could touch her, that she would let me. She had dressed like this for me. I could smell her, feel her hairs brush my arm as she moved.

With her back to me she said, "You know what? You are ARE like all the other boys."

I lay my hands at her hips, and I watched her head go up as I touched her. Surprise? I began feeling the curve of her ass rubbing over the fabric of her top, could feel the lacy fabric of those panties. She continued to rinse as I rubbed my hands down her thighs and back up under her top over her ass cheeks. Leaning in, my hands still on her, I tucked my chin into her shoulder and said low into her ear, "First of all, I am not ignoring you. Second of all..." 

The water continued to run but she had frozen in place. I reached around and lay the flat of my hand up under her shirt and let my hands wander over her tummy. Her head went down as I softly stroked her bare midriff. "...It's not possible. Rachel, I can't be a boyfriend. You have to know. All I can..." and I brought my hands up now and squeezed her breasts. She moaned as I squeezed, she turned the water off and pressed her ass into my crotch. I met her and rocked my hip, nuzzling my cock into her ass, let my hard cock brush up and down her behind. She felt me, and her whole body, melting. "...do, is make you feel good."

I could feel her going soft as I pinned her there.

Her voice so soft I could barely hear, "I know."

I was cooing my words into her ear now, "you understand?." She backed herself into me and waggled her ass back and forth over my crotch, feeling how hard I was. I kissed her neck, "When I've said I'm sorry, that is why. Do you have any idea how good I felt yesterday? I felt great. In fact people noticed, noticed me ... happy, probably the first time in my life, it feels like I was happy. Rachel, you make me happy. You know that don't you?"

I was massaging her front, running my hands up and down her sides, taking in her warm velvet skin. Her top was up above her breasts, bunched up under her arms. Looking down I could see this narrow waist, and the most perfect pantie covered ass sliding along my crotch. She was pressing to my hand like a cat.

"I do."

"Yes. But not everything that makes you happy is good. Feeling good is not the same thing as good."

"But this, this IS OK. Isn't it? Mmmm," her breathing was sighs, my hands continued to roam. "Any way you touch me is the right way." She looked back at me, "It could never be wrong, just to hold me, could it? Jimmy, everywhere else, the rest of the world can have you. I understand. But I know something they don't. I want this. It can be good, for us."

I ran my hands back down over her hips, and began stroking her tummy again, downy soft skin, feeling the line of lace at the top of her panties that ran so low across her abdomen. She felt so fucking good. It could never be wrong? I began to rub her ass again. Below the waist, again following the lace of her panties, noticing her start as my hands began to pull the fabric aside and let my finger press into her ass crack down between her legs. I reached around to her front, slid my hands into her panties and continued, "I don't know. I really don't. But right now. I want THIS." And I slid my between her legs and squeezed her pussy. Held her in my palm like a ripe piece of fruit.

She turned herself around facing me, twisting my hands from between her legs. She leaned back against the counter looking down between us as I again lay my hand at her abdomen and slid my hand right down the front of her panties, running my fingers through her sex. Tickling and teasing at her. She had a little bush of hair above her pussy lips, jet black, and as I pressed between her legs could feel the wiry hairs in my palm. So fucking good. I pressed my fingers between her legs and dug into her lips, felt her wetness burst around my fingers. Her slippery wetness opening up as my fingers slid along her slit. I was feeling her, feeling her intimately, she letting me. At that moment I knew she would let me do anything to her.

She breathed out, "mmmm, Yes. Its yours." She lay her hands over mine watching me, licking her lips and then throwing her hair back as she looked at me. In a mock scolding said, "Jimmy, what are you doing?"

"Paying attention to my little girl. You got all dressed up for me didn't you?" 

I pushed my middle finger inside her, and watched her eyes go vacant at my intrusion. Stroking my finger in and out. Her panties sliding down her thighs. I tugged them lower and they fell down around her ankles as she kicked them away. 

"Undressed more like." She was opening her legs wide.

"I noticed."

"Yes."

And holding her there, pressing her to the counter, I stroked my hands between her legs and smeared her juices all over her pussy. Running my fingers through her slit, I found her clit and began to draw circles, pressing her little pearl first soft and then hard. Her bush undulating over my hand, her clit growing hard. She was panting and pressing down on me, moving herself against my hand, guiding me how she liked it. "Yeah, like that. Keep doing that."

-

"Oh so fucking good."

"Don't Stop."

"Faster."

-

"Yessssss."

I leaned to her as I rubbed, pressing my mouth to hers said, "So if we are going to do this. No one can ever know. Only us."

She opened her mouth kissing me, and barely able to speak, holding her mouth open, her panting and whimpers. "Hmmmm, yes." She took my lower lip between her lips the way she did, we let our tongues touch. She bit my lower lip again. I dug my fingers inside her and with both hands rubbed her pussy, fast and hard. Fucking her with my fingers, pressing up inside her almost lifting her off the ground. She leaned back, grinding herself down on me, eyes closed, "Oh God....I'm going to cum. Oh Yes. Let me cum. Oh god." She was gripping my arm. I could feel her whole body tense, "I'm...cumming." I could feel her legs giving out as she literally was sitting down on my hand, my fingers were buried up inside. I was holding her up, impaled on my fingers. 

"Oh god. So goooood."

Her body began to buck forward, I held her up. Her whole body vibrating. I was so hard. I wanted to cum so bad, to press myself inside. Such a hunger. But right now, for me, the line in the sand had to be sex. I just did not want to go that far.

I felt her body relax. I took my hands out of her panties, shiny with her juices. The smell was incredible. And she stood before me, wanton, her full swollen lips, droopy sleepy eyes. She smiled such a relaxed and disheveled smile, wet, her hair clinging to her cheeks. Near naked, her body was like Venus de Milo. I continued to look at her body, her top was lifted up around her hips and I could see her little puss. I continued to rub over her bush, she watched wherever my hand went and did not move. I lightly stroke her belly and gave her breasts another squeeze. 

She reached down her hand and cupped my cock in my pants, felt it's weight and traced the line of my cock. I watched her lick her lips as she did. She pushed at the tip of my cock and I groaned. It felt so good.

"Wish you could stay. I owe you," she cooed, her smile and dreamy eyes looking up at me. I held her to me. Putting my arms around her I could lay my hand over her bare ass and up her bare back. Soft skin wherever my hands wandered.

We let go of one another. 

"THAT was a little below the waist." she said to me, picking up her panties and pulling them up her legs.

I couldn't believe what had happened. I needed to sit down, and pulled out one of the kitchen table chairs. I was so hard I could not stand it. Rachel eyed me, playfully straddling my lap facing me. She adjusted herself so her bottom pushed straight down against my cock, staining me with her juices. "Ohhhhh," I let out an involuntary moan. Oh god I ached. It was too much. 

She,ignoring me, wrapped her arms around my neck saying, "I still wish you weren't going though. I thought you were doing this to avoid me." She waggled her ass down on me letting my cock nestle right in between her legs.

I was happy she was not mad, but as reason began to return I was certain I was moving down a path from which it would be difficult to extract myself. This was getting harder to stop, and all my thoughts of how stopping was the right thing to do, I was realizing how my feelings and libido was making it increasingly impossible. Like any addiction, you lose the ability to control or make choices at the critical moments.

Her eyes cast down in that moment. "I'm not mad. I wasn't mad. It's just, I don't feel like sharing you right now. I mean its been months of US, and all of a sudden we have this. And suddenly, you changed. I want to trust you. You didn't tell me. It's trust. I want you to be happy too. We are too much alike. I am attracted to you, I have been for a long time. There I said it, but I think you are attracted to me."

"You know we have to be careful." 

"I know all that." 

"And, we can NOT have sex."

She moaned and gave a little pout, waggling her ass over my cock again, "K. But there's lots of things that aren't sex." The whole time she was talking now, she was riding on my cock like a lap dance. Drawing her pussy up and down on my cock, dry humping me. "And we can kiss?"

She kissed me as I said, "Yes." Her hair falling around my face as our mouths melted together, opening and playing our tongues together. Pulling away a little she continued, "And, maybe, play around a little." Still waggling herself on me, stroking up and down my cock. Oh, god it felt so good.

"Mmmmm." I groaned.

"THIS OK?"

"Yes." I grasped her waist and began pulling her back and forth on my cock, accentuating her ride.

"M Kay." She let me pull her back and forth. "You helped me cum, it's the least I can do," she crawled off my lap like a cat and got onto her knees, unbuckling my belt, and her hands found the zipper of my pants. I sat there watching, in that moment I could not contain myself. I was so hard. She pulled my cock out and held it in her hands and kissed the tip. She looked up at me and said, "I am not letting you leave here with this thing loaded." 

She gave me a nice squeeze and then pushed at the head of my cock, the pressure was exquisite and I moaned, "Oh, God."

"Like that?"

She was looking at my cock saying, "I know YOU want to be inside me?" Squeezing me again.

"Ohhhh," I groaned.

She began positioning herself between my legs, looking up at me again. "I'm going to blow you Jimmy. I want to blow your mind. You can do anything you want to me you know."

She was holding my thighs, brushing the tip of my cock with her mouth. I was stroking her shoulders and feeling her, thinking, my god a blow job.

She licked my cock like an ice cream cone, and then blew on her breath over the wet trails of saliva. "Mmmm. I want this, let me suck you off."

Her face was right at my cock and she licked at the tip. Her cheeks nuzzling my shift, pressing her lips down on my cockhead, licking without taking me in her mouth. It was too wonderful for words, as I dug my fingers into her hair. She looked up at me.

"Like that?"

"Oh, you have no idea." 

That connection beginning, incomprehensible. 

She opened her mouth, let the head of my cock in, let it fill her mouth. I could feel her teeth grazing me, and arched my back. Oh I was inside her, her mouth. I grasped her hair and pulled her down into my lap. I wanted to toss her on her back and fuck her, take her, she would let me. I could do anything. She took her mouth off me and began licking my shaft and balls all over again. Such a tease. Licking and holding me, before pressing her lips down around me deeper, stroking me with her mouth. 

"Mmmmmm." 

I began holding her hair, instinctively tugging and guiding her. Her wet mouth firm over my shaft and she was moving on me up and down. The rhythm, the motion of her mouth on my cock. She tipping her head, pressing my cock into her cheeks, and back into her throat. So tight, faster and faster she was pumping me in her mouth, and I was so fucking aroused. I could feel my cum already beginning to rise. Such a good little girl. I wanted to fuck her, cum inside her body,watch her drink me in, to cum in her every way possible. She was moving on me faster, and my hands pulling her head onto my shaft, taking me as deeply as she could. I could feel my cum rising, and panting I was calling out to her. "Oh, god, baby, I'm cumming, I'm going to cum.

I felt her press herself to me, holding her mouth over my cock and then I was spraying into her, her cheeks filling with my cum. Oh god, so much I was spraying and she held herself to me. I was rocking and spasming. 

I felt myself settle in my seat, my cock softening and she was still drinking, sucking on me. And then she let go. I could see the whites of her teeth, a trail of cum running down her chin. She took her hand and scooped it up and then lapped at it. Smiling up at me and she was crawling up onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, and kissing me.

"How was that my little blow job virgin."

"Rachel, I...."

We were kissing again, and she was back on my lap, when the doorbell rang.

Fuck. Susan!

I froze, mid kiss, and Rachel bit my lower lip HARD.

"OW!"

She ground her pussy down over my cock saying, "Well go have fun with that Susan Bitch then," before swinging herself off my lap.

Oh god. My mind swimming. I'm tucking my shirt in, closing my pants, buckling my belt. I began to adjust myself right in front of her, shoving my cock in my pants. She, watching me with delight. The doorbell rang again. "A little trouble there?"

My lip hurt, I began toward the door looking back at Rachel, completely disheveled now. Her glassy eyes, swollen lips, tee shirt up around her waist, those pink panties that started everything. Her lips red and languorous. Not thinking clear I say, "Go change. You can meet Susan."

She set her glass down and ran past me, "Have fun on your date." And as she went up the stairs, "But no way do I want to meet her."

----------------------------------------

Teasing Susan

As I answered the door, truthfully, I was exhausted. Worse. I was an emotional wreck and STILL horny. Worse, everything going on in my head I could not talk about with anyone. I swung the door open and smiled. Susan stepped in, and I must say, she was not in a lab coat. 

She had on a lovely flower dress, it hugged her waist and swung out loose from her hips down to her knees. She had on high heel shoes. She had gone all out. A beautiful plunging neckline, she had a beauty that adult women have, soft and full. She had this long slender neck. I had never seen her like that, and her work clothes made her seem much larger than she actually turned out to be.

"You look, great! Really. I've never seen you in anything but pants and a lab coat."

"That's not true." She smiled at the compliment. "It's not every day I get to see you - Alone."

She had picked the restaurant, she had the car, the evening was in her hands. And I was perfectly ready for it to be so. Though, in the back of my mind I had this other little girl, and it felt as if she were watching, watching everything.

I realized rather quickly that this was something Susan had wanted for a long time, and my ego was becoming further elevated. After all, I had two women after me didn't I? Which was likely my third glass of wine talking as I sat at the table. Susan listened to me as if each word I uttered was fascinating. She looked into my eyes as I spoke, listening deeply, commenting, laughing, her intelligence and wit. It made me feel young and grounded. I went on about my history, "I studied my doctorate in xxxx--but it took me five years. I did not want to borrow. So glad it was so much cheaper then, if it were today I would never be a doctor." And I recounted some of the directions it all took me, and how I wound up in research and not the big bucks of practice. 

She replied, "Research would have been a better path for me. If I hadn't pursued surgery I would be married today and not divorced without children."

"You can't know that. We can't know our futures." And my brief recollection of Lisa led Susan to wish she had not shared her lament. I quickly sensed her worry that my memories would blot out this evening. I felt bad, and changed the subject. "You've done what you love to do, I can tell. Besides, I can't believe you have not met other men. Guys are easy to find, women not so much."

"You know, it's quite the opposite for me. I did go out for awhile, but everyone I met remind me what it is I like. It's so rare for me to find a guy with the right - I don't know - eyes, a look, a tone of voice. I'm so easy really. But I don't want second best and my first husband was a great guy. So I took a time out, and then I took my time, and it all turned out to be my 40's."

"I don't really know what I'd be looking for in someone."

"You know, we talk so much about what we want in the OTHER but hardly any about what we bring. So I thought I would work on that, but you know what, I bring work. It scares me when I think there might be only one, and that I divorced him."

"I. I understand. I think the same. There is no going back. But really do we all become too choosy. Nothing is ever just right. Sometimes you have to say, what the hell. I just want energy in my life, new, creativity. It's ironic I work in a field that studies the brain, and somehow it can feel routine. I am not spontaneous anymore, this memory, history, this past, follows me around. The difference from when I was twenty is I lived in a world where I had no opinions of what I wanted or did not want. I was free."

"The young can make mistakes." She added.

We engaged in this back and forth small talk and I liked her then, I really did, but the energy in me was not all there. I was biting my lower lip, could still feel it throbbing from when Rachel bit me. All the wine was sort of going to my head, and I felt bad but there was just nothing I could do. 

She leaned forward over the table and whispered "Stop it." I recoiled a little from her addressing me, it continued to feel as if she were reading my mind, not knowing what the issue was. "You keep biting your lower lip when you look at me. You hungry?" Her smile just then, flirting, she was not talking about food.

She had no idea how close to the mark she had come.

"James, I think you've known this, but I have wanted to see you for a long time. I think you are wonderful, and," she took my hand. "Thanks for doing this."

And we held hands. We talked about work, about our homes, and I began rubbing my thumb along her palm. She talked of her best friend.

"I met her because I got locked out of our apartment, we were both new to the city. I forgot the key when taking out the trash and I hadn't given a spare to anyone yet. But there I was alone, couldn't call anyone. And the only person I knew the address of, she'd invited me over on a lunch-break once, was her. It was like she was expecting me? They were so great, she and her then-boyfriend. We cooked together, talked like old friends and danced. So fun. I've known her ever since."

I talked about my absolute aversion to killing anything, "I lift bugs onto paper and carry them outside, even ants. I would never do away with them. I hate it when people for no reason other than, they can, will kill an insect."

It was random, relaxing, nice, not particularly suggestive. I imagined what Rachel would think we were doing.

"Tell me about Rachel. She's the new addition to your life." I snapped out of my thoughts, again it was as if she had just read my mind. I bit my lower lip again, and then stopped. 

I paused, flushed a little. "She's my sisters daughter, and will be going to university here. She needed a place to stay and they couldn't afford the dorms. She's lively, added a lot of energy to my life. I said I would help out. My sister said she might be trouble but so far she hasn't been any trouble at all." Was this becoming a lie?

"I thought I might see her."

"Well today it was better you didn't, believe me."

She looked curious.

I scurried for an answer, "They are closing in on the yearbook year end and she was able to get on the group putting it together, and she is very stressed about it."

Dinner was nice, she took my arm on the way out. It was actually kind of late. Susan drove me home and we sat like teenagers in the driveway, I thought of Rachel inside. Was she looking out the window, watching me! Talk about role reversal.

Susan turned off the car and turning to me, "I really had a nice time. We need to do this again."

We had been holding hands on the way. I loved the feel of a woman's hand and.... the last few days had been simply astonishing.

"Yes. We will."

She was there, in the dark, expectant. I felt almost obligated, truthfully, but the idea of kissing two different women on the same day seemed so utterly decadent. Something I truly had NEVER done before.

I acquiesced and leaned in to her, and kissed her, taking her lower lip, same as Rachel did to me. Susan wrapped her arms around my neck and held to me, leaning herself back a little and I followed. Her kiss was soft, but her lips were thinner. She had a more intense, hungrier kiss. It was odd how I made this ongoing comparison in my head. I held her waist, the feel of her. It felt so incredibly good. And I held her to me and we kissed for a good long while, this woman in my arms. She tipped her head up and I kissed a line down her neck and felt her shiver and sigh.

I felt my cock grow as I held her and thought of touching her breasts, letting my hand slide up from her waist and stroking up her side. Susan never moved as she lean into the corner of the car, taking it all in. I continued kissing her ears and neck, and as my thumb pressed the side of her breast she began to protest, but all the while tilting her head from one side to the other as I nibbled at her neck and shoulder."

As my hand curled over her breast, and my mind raged with what I was doing, she sighed deeply and said, "You know, I'm vulnerable to these kisses right now and you are taking advantage of that."

I whispered, "I'll stop." But I continued to hold her, squeezing her soft breasts, larger than Rachel's.

Susan opened her eyes and began to sit up.

I put my mouth to hers and kissed her, she melted and let me rub her body as we kissed.

If you stop like that I'm going to melt into a puddle right here!"

My hands found her legs, soft and bare and I let them slide higher, feeling the heat of her thighs and stroked her hip up under her loose dress. Her panties were surprisingly small. Just a string across her hips. I never imagined Susan in a pair like these. Had she put them on, thinking maybe. My mind was so muddled. The day I had, how aroused I was feeling.

She moaned into my mouth as my hand ran across the top of her panties, over the mound of her pussy. I could feel her hairs. A nice sized bush. She started at my touch, and kissed me harder, opening her mouth before pulling away and looking me in the eyes, pressing back at meas I let go of her, realizing what I had been doing. She smiled at me, this lovely smile, and through heavy breathing said "It is time to go." I paused and looked her in the eyes, she was so beautiful in that moment. And Susan in the darkness cooed, "Mmmm, I can tell any way you held me would be the right way."

I could have invited her in. On any other night prior to Rachel I would have, hell prior to this week I might have. But tonight I said, "Lets find a time next week to do this again." I said it to convince myself.

"All right. Maybe I could have you over."

"Yes." I kissed her one more time, one more time in a way that I knew left her breathless. I was enjoying this effect I was having on her, before getting out of the car.

I walked to the house realizing how tipsy I was.

--------------------------------

Home Again

The restaurant was smoke free, but the bar was not. I realized I had the smell of smoke in my clothes and hair. As I entered the house, everything was quiet, all lights out. Rachel was in bed. I paused and listen. 

Good. 

I went upstairs and pulled my clothes off threw them into the laundry chute and headed into the bathroom for a shower. I needed to wash my hair and get rid of the smoke smell. The only lights in the house was my room and the bathroom.

As I showered I heard the bathroom door. I had soap in my hair.

"Rachel?"

I began rinsing the soap out of my hair and wiped my eyes.

Her voice chirruped, "So how was the evening?"

She was sitting on the toilet. I could see her shape in a scattered pattern on the glass.

"Rachel I'm taking a shower!"

"S'all right. You look like an impressionist painting and the towels are covering all the naughty bits."

Shit. "Just give me a moment all right."

I was feeling quite vulnerable. She could not see me now, but she had to leave before I would get out. Naked under the sheets was one thing, but I was not going to get out of this shower with her in here.

"You sleep with her?"

"What? We went to dinner."

"You kiss her?"

"She is a friend. We went out and talked about work. Now go, I'll be out, wait for me."

"Just a sec."

I watched her stand. She did look like one of those impressionist paintings through the shower door. Instead of leaving I watched her lift the lid of the toilet and take down her sweats. She stood a moment facing me through the glass. I could see her bare legs and the shadow of brown hair between her legs as she sat down. I could hear her peeing.

I called out, "Can't you use the other bathroom."

"I gotta go."

I continued cleaning myself, and when she finished she left.

-------------------------

Sleeping Together

I put my boxers and robe on and entered my room. Immediately I noticed Rachel was laying on the bed under the covers. I was still tipsy, and not ready for anything else. I was tired, and my nerves were on edge. I had truly been a fish who had been out my safe little pond for too long.

"What?" I walked into my room.

"I want to hear all about it."

"Rachel what are you doing?"

"I want to sleep here tonight, K? So...your date. She was cute, I saw her."

I paused. Had she seen me out the window? When? "She is a friend. Rachel I told you I'm...Rachel, I'm tired." Rachel was pulling the covers back for me. "You have to go to your own room."

"I want to talk."

I sat down on my side of the mattress. "Just talk?"

"Yes. Look I got my pajamas on. It's cold tonight. I couldn't sleep, and..." then changing the subject back to Susan, she added "It's good you went out. You need to get back in the saddle, go riding again." Eying me. 

I let out a sigh and opened my robe, let it drop to the floor. "I sleep in boxers, that OK?" I was honestly too tired to argue.

She shrugged, "Fine." She tapped the mattress and I sat down and rolled into my spot, reached up and turned off the light.

"I'm tired." Rachel took my hands in hers, facing me on the mattress. The moment felt nice, it had been years since anyone else had been in my bed. "I had a nice time, but nothing happened."

"K."

"Nite."

I felt her moving around a bit, tugging at the covers. "Nite."

------------------------

NOT Sleeping, Together

Rachel couldn't stop shifting on the bed (or maybe I simply was not used to anyone else there), and she continued to hold my hand. The warmth of her began to radiate under the covers.

After a minute or so her movements settled down and I was drifting off to sleep, when she let go my hand and turning herself away pressed back into my chest. I let her do this as she sighed and snuggled into me. I lay my arm over her and rubbed her side a little.

"Sorry for being so much trouble," she said just above a whisper.

I ran my hand through her hair, "You haven't been any trouble." And kissing her shoulder I added, "just don't know how you can be interested in an old guy like me."

She giggled as my beard rubbed her shoulder, reacting with "Your beard tickles." She was wiggling around and rolled to her back turning her face to me. I could see the whites of her eyes as she looked at me, her hair spread out over the pillow. She shrugged, "I've always had a thing for older guys." I lay my hand right over her tummy and she put her hand on top of mine. "You really don't think I been too much trouble?"

I kissed her cheek. "Baby doll." I used to call Lisa that. "You are the mouse that pulled the thorn from this old lions paw. The princess that found my golden ball."

She turned to me eyes wide, her lips covering mine, "That's sweet." I kissed her.

"But, when I'm 80 you'll be 47."

Her head leaned back, "So now you have us living our whole life together?"

"I'm just saying."

With that she turned to me and wrapped her arms around me, pulling herself close. "I'm going to be living here the next four years. Lets work on that." Her eyes were even with mine, eying me, and once more she slowly kissed me, pressing her tongue into my mouth. We kissed like that for awhile before she, once again, rolled her back to me and pressed that scrumptious little butt into me, "Nite." Her little girl voice. The feel of her so close against me was arousing, and I could feel myself growing hard again. Its length began to press up her backside, and I knew she could feel me. In response, I felt her ass waggling around as she said, "I can feel your golden ball right now!"

"Behave." I didn't pull away, but let my cock nestle in along the crack of her ass.

She cooed, "I didn't come to bed to do anything," as her ass rocked over my hard cock. "Just want you near me. Hold me."

I wrapped my arms around her, "You're going to have to quit moving around then."

She giggled. "It's hard."

"No pun intended."

We lay still, and I could feel her breathing slow, but she stayed so close, never pulling away from me. I began to fall asleep, and believe I was actually drifting in and out of sleep. But it felt like my mind continued to be wakeful, her closeness, her breath, her smell was working on my body. Every sensation bringing me to arousal. Every little move, and touch. I adjusted my arm a little so it settled at her middle, lay my hand down low over her sweats.

I began to think of her laying there, right beside me, all spread out. The softness of her body, how small she was, warm. I could feel her feet pressed against my ankle. Every bit of her, the feel of her hair on my cheek. My thoughts filling with erotic thoughts, my cock unable to rest, twitching and aching. She smelled so damn good!

I may have drifted off, or it may have been ten minutes more, I did not know. But my eyes opened again and my cock ached. I had a terrible urge to adjust my cock, press on it. This deep throb, a boner that would not go down. After a few more minutes, I backed away from her, she continued to lay in the same place, rolling a little forward with one knee up. I held my hand at her back, just beneath her top and felt the bare skin of her lower back maintaining contact as I lay there. Her soft skin. I slid my hand up under her tee and began to softly rub her back. As I did that Rachel rolled forward until she was flat on the mattress, and as caressed my hand lifted her top higher. I stroked and caressed until I had pushed her tee all the way up under her arms. This was innocent, silent, safe, intimate. There was no negative response from Rachel, her breathing was smooth and even. The silence of the room, as my cock throbbed. I began to run my hands along her sides as well, and inexorably rubbing over the edge of her breasts. Those lovely soft breasts. 

Rachel said in a very tired voice, "Hmmmm, What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Go to sleep. S'late" And she lifted herself a little pulling her top right off and tossed it beside the bed. "I'm warm," and again lay at her side snuggling back into my arms.

My chest was pressed to her bare back. She also stretched her ass against me nuzzling my cock back in its place. I could feel her relax into me. And once again, I wrapped my arm around her now bare top, letting my hand lay right over her breast. I did not move, rub or squeeze. I held my hand there, felt her chest expanding as she breathed, her tight little nipple right at the center of my palm. I could feel her heart beating, fast, like a little birds.

I leisurely began to gently squeeze and caress her, would she stop me? I could feel her move a bit again, and then this moan of contentment. "Your being so naughty. You're just going to get me all hot and bothered." She held my hand and pulled it low on her tummy. We were quiet again.

Her words had planted a little seed though, and shortly I could feel her ass begin to undulate up and down along my cock, slow, barely moving, twisting herself ever so lightly over the form and shape of my cock. I squeezed against her in response and she clenched her ass checks around my cock. My heart began to beat harder, and I ever so lightly pressed my cock into her as she slid against me, meeting her, bumping into her as she moved.

I slid my hand down, she let go my hand and I caught the elastic waist band of her sweats with my thumb and began to slide them down her hips. No panties! My hands sliding down her bare hips. Without saying anything Rachel lifted her hips a little giving me the space to lower her bottoms down, a little at a time. I got them past her thighs and she began to kick them off, pressing them beneath the covers to the bottom of the bed. Then I slid off my boxers, and we lay naked together. Silent.

She was naked now, and we again softly slid our bodies together, but skin to skin. She stretched her leg straight and lifted it back over mine. We tangled our legs together, both on our sides. I tipped myself back a bit before dipping my cock lower so it slid between her legs from behind, and squeezed my cockhead between her thighs across the bare lips of her pussy. She lay her hand on my hip holding to me. I felt her breathing change slightly, but she lay silent next to me.

I let my cock rest there, as she squeezed her thighs around me and wriggled her ass. I wrapped my hands around her hips and began combing my fingers through her short pussy hairs from the front, Digging the tips of my fingers into her slit. In response I felt her nails dig into my hip and she pulled me close, a light moan escaping her. 

As I rubbed her pussy, she lay her hand over mine and reaching between her legs grasped the head of my cock with her finger tips, and we silently rocked our bodies together in the warm bed. 

I continued to play with her tuft of curly pussy hair. The movement of my cock on her had left her soaking wet, and her juices were leaking from her puss so that my cock was slipping along her slit, sliding easily between her legs, back and forth back and forth. I could feel her pussy lips opening and feel her clit slide along my shaft. Her breathing was getting faster and ragged, but she lay still for me. Her body growing tense. 

I felt her moving around, positioning herself so that my cock would slide along her hard little clit better, making direct contact. Her breathing was a light pant now. As I pressed, her breathing gave way to a moan, her clit digging into me.

We lay like that, slowly moving in rhythm with the other, and as I pulled back could feel the head of my cock passing the indentation that would take me deep inside my little Rachel. My wavering line in the sand. I so wanted to be inside her, it was becoming impossible to resist. I could do anything to her. She was this little fuck toy, and I had not fucked in such a long time. What would it all mean? How would she feel in the morning? How would I feel? We continued to move on one another silently. She made no effort to do more, or have more, or take me inside her. Clearly not thinking clear. Our breathing was now sighs and groans. 

With each thrust I began to pause right at the entrance of her vagina. I was lowering myself and adjusting my angle to the point now it was catching between her legs each time I passed. A few times I felt her tensing, waiting, sensing my desire. This time? This time? She would squeeze my hand a little as I slipped across. My cock so hungry, I could feel the heat of her.

As we continued to get worked up, my fingers drew circles on her clit, Rachel began to arch her ass back a tiny bit, allowing the head of my cock to now be positioned for easy access. I could feel the head of my cock catch right at her opening. I paused as she felt my cock, following the head around, squirming, as I touched at her. She was gently rocking her hips, rubbing my cock as I held to her opening, guiding me, holding me there. My cock head touching, kissing right at the mouth of her vagina. Over and over. I began to kiss her neck. She reached between her legs and was rubbing my full length, smearing her cum all over my cock, making me so slippery and pressing at my head guiding, guiding me inside. 

I kissed her neck, nuzzling her shoulders, her hair so soft on my face. She tipped her ass back, still guiding my cock into her slick puss, and then I gave a light push. My cockhead pressing into her, but no more than a half inch. Her body stiffened and her breath caught in her throat. 'Aahhh.' I held myself there, just inside. I wanted her, more than anything to be inside. 

I was going to fuck her. 

In silence, the question lingered, 'Should I stop?'

Sensing my reticence, she slowly, so slowly began to push back against me and I slid in a little more. Teasing, testing. A question, 'Want it?'

She lay, waiting, legs opening, I was pressed up behind her. She simply lay waiting, waiting waiting. This was my call.

And in one motion I pushed into her, I felt her squeeze open and we pushed together. The breath going out of us. I felt the head of my cock nestle up inside and felt her tightness envelope my cock. Fucking into her and holding her to me, the searing heat of us. She turned her head and kissed me, squeezing me with her thighs at the same time, our lips playing together as she rocked her ass against me. So deep inside. Low groans as my length penetrated her.

Oh God. Yes. We were fucking.

-----------------------

Some of Rachel's thoughts:

Wh....?

I'm awakened by a slow grind against my butt. It feels like a question, a question I have already answered. Hands cup my waist as I spoon right at his hip. Oh. Jimmy... Mmmmmm. I smile inside thinking; Took you long enough, huh? Your bulge sliding along my butt, right into that pocket my legs curve into cheeks. You're getting awfully comfortable and I wiggle closer.

I'm trying so hard to be quiet. Thinking I'll break the spell if I make a sound harsher than a sigh. I feel like crying...the feel of you, so right. A breath fanning my ear rousing me from dreams of you. Yes, I must be dreaming. Your hand trickles like a brook over my tummy, pressing a finger right into my belly button. You like to play. Play away. Oh yeah, slide your hand around my waist. God, you are such a tease. Just what I like. How can you know that I like it like that? Crazy. I'm moving my hand to the nape of your neck. Want to touch you. Feel the hairs swirl in my fingers. She seems to like you...My Kitty. You're so gentle with her. Every caress so knowing. I reach behind and hold your hip, cooler than the rest of you. I'll warm you up. I scratch my nails up and down first then pet to soothe them. I feel your muscles clamp when I do that. You're getting hard. That cock of yours. So hard and Hot. Amazing. I'm so wet now I'd do anything to cum for you... So measured you inch in touching my curly hairs...Ahhhhh. Shit... fingers slipping along the slit of your puss. Yes. Your puss. Relinquished to you by the deftness of your fingers. You open me up. Mmmmmmmm. Oh god, so good.

My eyes flutter open, still half-asleep. The room is dark. Shit, it is 3:30.

I want to see you. Oh, I am greedy. I want everything my senses can prepare of you. I want you to see me, to be completely naked, and your eyes. I'm all sighs now. Still. If this is a dream I don't ever want to wake up. You are so gentle. Though I sense your need for me growing with your breath. Harsh now. Bruising my shoulder with the heat from your mouth. I turn my head slightly. Look into your eyes. Glowing. You want me? I am in awe. You are everywhere now. Bumping into my bum, this wet cockhead teasing the lips of my puss. Opening me like a flower. A hand petting my clit in tandem. It's too much. SO wet. Impossibly wet. I'm getting impatient. Feeling so good. I am moving, can't help it. The itch is getting impossible. You are flowing behind me. Don't know why. Can't stop Undulating. My body limp. Seeking more of this pleasure you give. Yes. Please kiss my neck, nibble on my ear. How weak you make me. Humbled.

Moaning in spite of myself. These strangled noises deep in my throat. I tremble against your hand and the sheets shiver. Over and again. I hold onto your hip and thighs to steady me. You feel good. Strong under my hand.

This is torture. What crime did I commit? I'll do it over a thousand times in broad daylight to feel you like this again. The tickle is almost unbearable. My legs fall apart seeking out your errant fingers. I turn and kiss your lips. My mouth open. You do well filling it with your tongue. You Moan. Softly fucking my mouth as you Fuck my cunt. My hand pushing your head closer mussed in your hair. Why are you never close enough? I'm almost chewing you for a meal now. Bruising your lips tender. You taste so good. Sweet like sugar. Heady. My white rum.

Fuck yes. Oh god. Fuck. Yes. Go ahead and peel me open. Ughhh. To be filled like that, so big. I feel you in my belly. You want a piece of me? Split me in half. Uhhhh. Stretching, Oh, you sliding inside! Have both halves. I want to touch you everywhere. Please let me touch you. Now you tip your finger, let it slide and rub my petals, your cockhead in me, sweet sugar cum. Sweet agony. I'm all creamy now. My slit wet with it, trailing onto my thigh. Make a mess of me. Cum in me, make my cream pie. Clean it up? Another finger? Oh you know my body. Inside so quick. Gave me no time to prepare, You little fucker! Made me cry out. Ah. Then slow again. In..then out. Deliberate. My cunt all grippy, trying to suck you in. Can I suck you off? Mold your cock to me. Tell me what you like. What you want me to do to you, anything, anything at all. You want to cum in my mouth babe? Cum on my tits? While I look in your eyes? I want that too. Swirl my tongue on you. Suck on your balls, feel them tighten. Hear you whimper. Begging me to fuck you. I want that too. Pull my hair straight. Ride me. We have all the time in the world to Fuck. Slow. Wet. Warm. Like being drunk on champagne. Memorising every sound you make. 

Any way you want me I'm yours.

-----------------------

Feeling Good

As I penetrated her, she turned her front onto the mattress and I move up over the top of her, pressing hard, filling her completely as she lay flat on the bed, feeling the wetness and heat tighten around me. I could feel her quivering beneath me.

As I slid out of her, letting the tip of my cock play around her opening. Her low moan, "Ohhh, so . . . god! You, fucking me?" I slid inside again, and she lifted her ass up from the mattress putting her into a crouching position. I was filling her, filling her completely, loved how tight she was, pumping into her. 

She pressed her ass back up into the air and let me ride her, positioning herself so I could enter her so deep. I held her to me pushing into her hard, my cock pressing her back to the mattress. Her arms were stretching forward so she could push back against me. I began to brush my thumb over her ass, pressing the tip of my thumb into her little 'rose.'

"Oh, god." All the air hissing out of her. "That feels . . . so good." I was pressing in my thumb as I fucked her.

"You like that?"

"Fill me up, everywhere."

I held her this way, filling her completely. Sliding into her, and then rising until my cockhead played at her opening and then back and back, over and over so softly, rising and falling feeling her yield to me. Softening beneath me, holding me as I washed upon her. We were one. I could smell the heat and sex between us, hear her receiving me and letting me go. Her wet cunny slapping against me, over and over.

She began to roll, causing me to drop out, and she lay on her back with her arms raised up on either side, her legs open and she held her knees out. "I want to see you," she was pulling at me, pulling me on top of her between her legs and I straddled her, lifting my aching cock between her legs and pressing myself back inside as her arms wrapped around my neck and we were kissing. Her eyes glowed in the dark, her wonderful teeth biting me as we kissed. I quickened my pace, fucking so deep into her, she was meeting my every thrust. I had not had sex in such a long time, so hungry. I had to have her. In every way. She was pushing back as hard as she could. Her knees were up and she was sliding her hips against me so my cock was sliding along her clit, rocking her body against me.

She cooed into my mouth, "Oh Jimmy, cum in me. Cum inside me."

"You feel so good. Such a good little girl, letting me fuck you."

And then she said. "Ohhh, I can feel you in my belly. I want you, uh, deep." 

I felt her tensing, as her body began to spasm beneath me. She was moaning, "Oh God Jimmy. I'm going to cum." her body twitching and I continued to pound her into the mattress, and felt my cum rising. The heat between us, she was calling my name, as she climaxed. Her pussy throbbing and tightening I felt myself release. 

"I'm cumming."

We came in one long continuous wave, until I was almost in pain. My body held to her, and we began kissing. I could feel myself releasing ribbons of cum into her, and as it pulsed out of me, I was watching her looking at this little girl. I was inside of her, she was drinking me into her body, her back arching as she came with me.

We lay naked, the sheets down around our legs. I just kept staring into her eyes as I kissed her. I was still inside her, her tiny body laying open beneath me. 

We lay like that for quite awhile. She looked down between us and laughed.

"I can feel you inside me." She pushed me up revealing the point where we were joined. "You came in me."

"Yes." 

"You made love to me."

I have no idea when we actually fell to sleep.

-----------------------------

Good Morning

When I opened my eyes Rachel was laying there facing me staring her brown eyes at me, the sheet down around her waist, and as my eyes focused she says in an even voice, "Don't you fucking say it, don't you even think it."

I was disoriented. The room had this wonderful glow of sunlight. I did catch the clock, it was 12:30, past noon

Groggily I say, "What?"

She lifts herself up on one elbow, "I do not want to hear a diatribe about 'how you made a mistake,' blah blah blah."

Her breasts were hanging down the way she was leaning on the bed. I could look down her front and see the outline of her disheveled puss against the white sheets. She was still naked, so delicious.

I sighed, "It's not. Not going to happen." As I looked at her up and down, I could feel myself getting aroused all over again.

"You are shitting me."

"I let you in my bed, I undressed you, I....made love to you. You let me, but I did it."

"You did round all the bases Jimmy." I began to run my hands over her as she said that, and in response she rolled back onto the bed. The sheets off her completely. It was the first time I could leisurely look at her naked, her brown nipples and long dark hair, dark neatly shaved bush. Her sable skin, chocolate and honey, a little lighter over her hips and breasts where her panties and bra covered her skin. I ran my hands over every inch of her, slow and methodical, exploring. So lazy and relaxed, she was smiling and watching my hand as it roamed over her. "You want to hear something funny."

"Hmmm." I was running my hand through her bush.

"Tomorrow at school, you have to come in to talk to my teacher."

I looked at her and my cheeks flushed.

"Why?"

"Conference. I forgot to tell you, considering everything."

--

I let the words pass, didn't think anything really. This was my niece after all I was sleeping with, laying in bed naked with. Playing with. I had a picture of us sitting together at the school. How it would feel.

The moment passed and as I was rubbing her thighs she lay her hand below her navel. "ohh, I'm kind of sore." And she turned and pulled the covers off me, exposing my stiffening cock, looking at it, frowning. "You're kind of big Jimmy."

She took it in her hand and rolled it back and forth, I continued to grow hard and she rolled herself over my belly and popped the tip into her mouth, playing with me. The feel of my cockhead buried in her wet mouth, the feel of her tongue swirling on me, it felt so lovely. I let out a low sigh. And she took her mouth off me, "You stretched me out good."

As she lapped at my cock I said, "What do you want to do today?"

A pause and she lay her head over my belly, "Mmm, like right now?"

"Yes."

Her eyes looking at me liquid and soft. She had this devilish, impish look, staring directly into my eyes. "Anything I want?"

"Well, Yes."

"I want you to eat me."

Unexpected. I could feel myself grow incredibly hard now, my cock had literally jumped in her hand. She felt it. 

"I was thinking of something more like going for a hike or something." I looked at her bush, her legs sliding open. She lifted her knees and began to wave them out and in, opening her legs up as she did. 

"Lick my cunt Jimmy. If you do there's a surprise!."

"Surprise?"

"Hmmmm. Yes there is. My tat."

And I remembered. I looked her over, running my hands up and down her legs, her chest. "Turn over." She did and I looked over her butt, her thighs, her back. That's right. She told me she had a tattoo.

"Not going to find it." Then she rolled around again, "I gave you a pretty good blow job, blow me Jimmy. Do anything you want to me."

I moved between her legs.

She opened her legs around me. I began to massage her tummy, letting my hands caress her thighs, inside her thighs brushing the hairs of her puss. "Mmmmm," stiffening like a cat. She reached back and held the headboard.

I continued to stroke the inside of her thighs up to her center."

"Look." I looked up from between her legs and met her eyes. "Look. Between my legs."

Her open puss still swollen from being fucked the other night. Moving between her legs, she opened her legs wide and there it was! Right over the clamshell of her pussy, at each side of her pussy lips, and even with her vagina a perfect tattoo of a pair of angel wings. Or maybe butterfly wings. 

She smiled so big as I met her eyes again.

"Pretty cool huh?"

"How on earth did you do that?"

When you fuck me, you fly Jimmy."

It was true, the way they were positioned, my cock inside her puss would place the wings right at either side of my penetrating cock. I had flown last night.

I lay my hand over her mound, palming her pussy, slipping in my fingers, opened her up and nosed down between her legs. She began to giggle and wiggle. "Oh god, that feels weird." My beard was brushing at her thighs as I put my mouth over her pussy. "Your beard on my beard, I need to shave you again Jimmy."

Covering her completely with my mouth, I pressed my tongue along her slit, and she burst open in my mouth, as with my middle finger I shoved two digits up into her ass. The smell of sex rose around me. She was so wet. And I bent down my face and nuzzled further up into her puss, putting my nose right over her slit. My beard scratching her bare cunny.

"You like my smell?" she purred to me.

"I love your smell."

And I began to play between her legs, poking and squeezing, licking, stroking running my fingers through her bush. She was wiggling around, undulating her hips meeting my thrusts. God.....I loved her pussy. My cock was aching again, and I wanted to rise up after I ate her and have at her one more time, stretch her out good. I was so hungry and aroused. She lay there feeling everything, passively taking it all in. She knew she was about to be fucked again. We would spend the entire day in this bed. 

I could see her pink slit from ass to front, and the white pearl of her clit, covered in its little hood and I licked around it with the tip of my tongue, pushing my fingers in as I lick and chew until she could not stand it, squirming underneath me. She kept getting wetter, and I lapped at her. Her hands began to tangle in my hair as she pushed my face between her legs and squeezed her thighs around my face until I could barely breath, but I kept licking fucking her with my tongue. 

I sucked her clit into my mouth, and rubbed it until she was moaning and stiffening, it was all I could do to hold myself there letting her push and squeeze and rub herself to my open mouth. Harder and harder and harder, grinding herself against me. I wanted her to cum, cum again for me, right there, cum on my mouth and as I licked pushed my fingers deep inside, working her softer and then harder. Rubbing her over that little rough spot up inside, dig in to feel her body trembling against me. She grabbed my head and pushed me hard, as she was crying out, panting. "Oh god oh god." I let her thrash beneath me, holding on for dear life. 

My little girl is cumming! 

God I love the way she feels. Her eyes were on fire, panting, her cunt this hungry open wound. And I suck and suck and suck. Still aching and your whole body rolling back and forth, crying out, Cumming!

As she slowed her movements, relaxing back on the bed I began to crawl up her center kissing her hips, thighs, tummy, breasts, neck and then kissing her mouth soft and wet. She did not move, her knees lay wide open as I crawled up knowing I was about to enter her, so soon after she came. She laughed a little as I kissed her, "God Jimmy, you have to go slow, I'm not going to be able to move if you make me cum again." She mewed these words out into my mouth as we kissed. 

"I'm not done with you little girl." I growled.

We touched our bellies together, and I lift my hips and position myself. She is so wet and wide open I slid right in, softly, my full length. Oh, that feeling, I needed to feel myself inside. All the air pressing out of her now as she scratched her nails across my shoulder blades. Looking down between our hips, we watch my cock move inside and outside her puss, rising and falling between her legs. Her knees are bent, and held open. Her hair is everywhere, dissolved, hungry, wild. Her skin is wet, hair sticking to her mouth. I press in, my whole length, looking into her eyes watching as I penetrate her. Slow, holding you, pinning you to me, and rising lift back out. We can see my shiny cock leave hr body and press back in. Does it hurt? A little. She is whimpering as I enter, "Ah, Ah, Ah. Move slow," she pants as I pick up speed. I let her feel me enter, stretching the walls of her cunny. Her belly filling with me, our heat rising. Animals. I can feel her breath on my chest as her hands cling to me.

She is holding my arms as I lay down again and we kiss, we kiss as we fuck. Fuck with our mouths and our sex. She chews my lower lip, knowing how I love that now. I am moving gradually faster, I am getting hungrier and hungrier. Pressing into her, watching her head bob up and down, her eyes wide. Each thrust, and now I won't slow down as her whimpers and sighs and warnings go unheaded. She will cum again, in an agony of pleasure, holding her legs open. Oh it feels so good, her tight little puss sucking at my cock. 

I growl, "You like being fucked?"

I begin to pound harder and harder. Lifting myself up, running my hard cock along her clit.

She cannot hardly talk. I cradle the small of her back and reach lower lower, dig my fingers into the crack of her ass, and find her little rosebud and press a finger inside, her eyes wide, and I press my whole finger in. Ass fuck with my finger and press back against my cock from inside, fucking her hard and holding her against me with my fingers up inside. "Ahhh, Jimmy. You crazy...." Her body is pressed against me, we slide together our bellies wet with sweat, we kiss and down into the mattress until I feel my cum rising again. 

"I'm going cum in you, fill you up."

"Oh, give me a cream pie. Spray me, oh god, put your seed in me."

Drinking me with her other mouth, her wet open mouth. And I grind her, her body shaking. She is crying, cumming again. We are one, vanishing, clinging to one another. Pressing ourselves together, consumed consuming. I spray into her and feel her contract tight around me, pulse into my body.

We are loud, we do not even know we are loud. Our bodies go rigid and relax, I lay my head beside my little Rachel, fall to the mattress, laying crossways my chest beside her, my cock still piercing between her legs. Utterly disheveled, we are just stains in the sheets. Our bodies are hot and wet. I run my hand along her front, over her belly soaking wet, my hand sliding on skin. Oh skin, everywhere skin. Our flesh. Our bodies. 

I notice her teeth, the redness of her mouth and at that moment fall out, push my one leg up between your legs, and feel the wetness of my cum between your legs. We kiss again. Her mouth is cold, we laugh, talk about how ridiculous we are.

"Mmm, I can't move anymore. You paralyzed me. I can't cum three times Jimmy."

She was utterly surrendered, as was I. Given up. I could do anything to her. And she began to fall into me, and shiver, and cry. Her hair was across her mouth. Happy. Turning to her side, crying. Oh, This little girl who was disheveled, naked, my hungry little girl getting what she had gone after. What she wanted: Me eating her out. Sucking on her cunt. Sucking my cock, fucking. And she came, and came and came, creaming white and now crying, in my bed, relaxed, falling, her one hand held her breast, the other stroking my hair.

She opened her eyes, glowing, exhausted.

"Fuck. What am I going to do with you?"

----------------------------

Making Plans

Three months later Rachel was in college. These were our emails, of preparations for a weekend together:

To Rachel: Sweet girl, you have a way of touching me, so many things I love about you. So playful, such a girl woman, so female, soft, but with sting. I can see the fire in your eyes, and the water, the smoke, the smolder. The dark eyebrows framing your eyes, your white teeth, the turned up corners of your mouth. Your small neck, how you turn your cheek to the side as I caress you. So strong, yielding. Oh, how I would ache, stumbling into work still feeling your 'wounds' your sting, your touch and claws and teeth, like wrestling a tiger. You are my kitty that can bite. See you tonight. Mmmmmmm.

Jimmy

***

Jimmy: I want to blindfold you, yes, with one of my silkscarves. And kiss you all over, bite your neck, mark you. Scratches even in your scalp. I want to fuck you so good I'll change your dna. So slow you growl in anguish. I'll ask you how much you want it, to tell me or I stop. You want it? You want to fuck me? Harder? Faster? Deeper? 

Tonight?

Rachel

***

Rachel: It goes both ways sweet, I would do anything, yield. You want me to beg, yes I will beg. My words drift over you like wind. Like warm rain, like flowers. I rush to you like arrows and then explode around you like a puff of petals. Soft, hard, wet, cold, hot. Mmmmmm. I love the growl. I love to be scratched, attack me with that kitty of yours. The head of my cock pressing to your tummy from the inside, rising up into you. One. One. One. rising up, you want this? you want my cock in your kitty? you want it bad? Your hair forming this little room around my face. Leaning down and whispering in my ear, or rising up, hands on my chest and sitting down on me. I imagine how deep the head of my cock could drive inside you. So deep. I can't speak. Mmmmm, to touch your navel with the tip of my cock.

Jimmy

***

Jimmy: Ahhh, stop I can't concentrate. "So deep. I can't speak." My licorice nipples brushing against yours, red from how you chew me. 

Rachel

***

Rachel: Ah yes, I can see them now, those wonderful tear drops hanging from you, held before me. I'd love to suck you. So nice and dark, I love your skin, can see you. I get so hard, I am right now. I can't stand up. The curve of my cock, I'll mold your insides, hold me there. Squeeze and mold. 

Jimmy

***

Jimmy: You know I always lick my upper lip as I cum. That open mouth, the look of agony, the sounds, moaning and growls. I can't stand it. Oh yeah,fuck me over and over. Lift my knees and get at me from the side, turn my body over and ride me from behind, pull my hair almost straight. Yes, you can ride me all day and all night. Your cock was made for my pussy. I want to hear how good you feel when you're inside me. How you'll never let me go. Every atom of my body molded to you then. So hot we burst into flames and just burn. God you make me wet, I'm a waterfall.

Rachel

--------------

But what about Susan?

Well you know the end. But I give a little bit more. In the same way that first evening with Rachel set my future course, this weekend did the same with Susan. Now before you get all mad about my behavior I put it this way. Rachel, in all her wonder, existed only in this secret world which could never ever be seen or spoken. Hidden. And this relationship had wakened something inside of me, an erotic world that I wanted to share with someone in the open. That is how I put it, good bad indifferent. And as it turns out Susan was that other woman.

I will give a few snippets, and they began almost immediately.

****

For in the moment after Rachel said, "Fuck what am I going to do with you?" the phone was ringing.

The noise came as a shock and I grabbed the phone, Rachel still lying at my side. We were both sitting there with the sheets down around our feet, utterly exposed, naked.

I read the screen. Shit. It's Susan. Truth. That was my first thought.

"Hello?" 

"James." Susan's voice.

"Oh hi. I knew it was you." 

Rachel lay herself back down looking at me.

She mouthed, 'Who is it?'

"Sorry to bother you, but you had said you might call me this weekend. And..." I did? I had no memory. "Well the weekend is almost over. I'm calling because my schedule is filling up and we were going to get together this week."

Clouds in Rachel's eyes. She could hear the conversation, and immediately knew it was Susan.

Shit. I had this perfect night, perfect day. It would be OK. 

Rachel had rolled to a sitting position at the edge of the bed and was fishing for her clothes. I grabbed her and pulled her back to the mattress, she flopped with a giggle.

"Shhhh."

"Well, I don't know how my week is yet either. I don't have my calendar." There was a pause, she may feel I was blowing her off. So I added, "I'm pretty open."

To that remark Susan said, "I promise not to be quite so reserved next time."

Rachel right there with, "What does that mean?"

Distraction. She had to stop listening. I said, "That would be fine, how about next Friday. Gives us the weekend." I began to pull at Rachel's legs, pull them open. At first she was snapping them shut but then as I played left them wide, until I could see the line of her puss opening up, so juicy, her pussy lips opening and the swollen inner lips. The tattoo of angel wings spread wide. Oh god she was delicious.

Susan repeated, "Friday sounds fine." She was so happy. "What are you doing today?"

Rachel could still hear, I lay my hand over her wide open puss. I said, "Taking care of a few things." Rachel could not help but smile.

I squeezed and she stretched out and fell to the mattress.

"Important matters, they have kept me pretty distracted." 

I began slipping my hand into the crack of her ass and rubbing lower until my finger pressed across her anus. Rachel jumped, this low moan forming in her throat.

"I've been at the hospital. Hard day, it's so good to hear your voice. Would you like come over to my house?" 

"That would be fine." as I ran my hand lower, pressing my fingers into her still sopping cunt.

Rachel was already panting, and when I penetrated her a low growl.

Susan heard, "What was that?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Not knowing what to say, "I think it's Rachel, I don't know. I think she slipped." I had my thumb at her clit, her hips were rocking against me holding a finger to her mouth, shushing between little giggles. "I better check on her."

And Rachel had me pressed back on the bed. 

"I want to say again, what a nice time I had the other night. And...You surprised me." Her voice took on this almost sexy tone, "And next time you won't."

Rachel rolled right on top of me, straddling my legs. I could feel her little bush tickle against my stomach, sitting on me and holding her hands on my chest.

I played along, "I look forward to trying." A double tease going on right now, and my distractions working because Rachel was no longer listening.

Rather, she was squirming on me, sliding her puss over my abdomen lowering herself, I could feel my cock rubbing up her thighs, until my tip bumped her puss. Oh god, I held in a moan. I was not sure I could go hard AGAIN. But my cock was stiffening a little, her legs wide riding up and down my stiffening cock, letting me touch her there, then rising again, and bumping back down on me again. She was trying to get me hard again. I was getting so aroused, and was still on the phone.

"It's nice to know I can still surprise," I added.

To that Susan cooed, "What do you like, I mean, to eat?"

Agony. Oh god. My voice was in this painful low moan, and I had to control myself. How could I speak? 

"You can surprise me." I said. "But a little red wine and fruit as a starter, my favorite thing of all. I love peaches."

"Mmmm. OK then." I had images of her flushed and excited.

I took my mouth from the receiver, Rachel was looking down at me with liquid eyes, she had all the time in the world, squirming on me, and it was working. I continued to stiffen, just enough to slide inside. Ohhhhhh. I could not breath as she settled down on me.

"I have to go now Susan. Thanks for calling."

"Bye."

Rachel lifted herself up then, letting my cock slap down on my abdomen and then she was sitting down on me, my cock laying flat and began sliding along its length, her wet puss lubricating my shaft. I could feel her pussy opening, sliding on me with her slit, back so I was at her opening. I lifted my hips pressing the head of my cock inside her again, could feel her opening right around me. She spread her legs, holding herself open and letting herself slide lower. Pushing down. I lifted, and we were pressing ourselves together. The head of my cock, the feeling of her opening. Looking into her face, her mouth held open, her eyes closed. 

With eyes closed, she whispered out "You going out with Susan?"

"Yes." 

"Hmmmm." She said no more.

She held there, eyes closed, thinking. This pause as that reality was processed and then she lay down on me and kissed me. 

I said she was my secret, that we lived in a secret world. That there was no barrier between us, and for that reason we had to share each other with the rest of the world. I began to arch my back and let my cock move out of her again. She did not move, feeling me leave her body now. She simply reacted by squeezing her legs around me, I felt her vagina tighten, this exquisite tightening holding me inside her. So tight, and I thrust up into her again, felt her lower herself down. We held together, pressing our sexes together, filling her, feeling her fall onto me. Feeling her rise up again. 

We never got dressed that Sunday. After, we were so sore we could barely walk. Both our sexes sore and bruised.

***

Susan was a surprise. She came into my office on Monday, in another wonderful dress. I joked, "No lab coat." 

And she said, "Not for you."

The talk she had was basically that she had been too careful too choosy, that her life was ebbing away. She said I was the first man she had kissed in years. I did not lie and say me too to that one. She could feel my energy, my erotic nature. She had called it that. She had never been so surprised and turned on by anyone. It was like an animal nature, and all words which built my ego. She also indicated that our relationship could be whatever I wanted it to be, that she was interested in feeling something, that she needed her body to wake up, and would I be willing to teach her, wake her. I can be whatever you want me to be, were her words. At first I had no words, I said we would see where it goes. Before she left she stood there and said, "Aren't you going to give me a hug?" I laughed and said "Sure." I went over and she wrapped her arms around me, knowing her eyes glued to mine, leaned in to kiss her. 

After, she whimpered, "Where did you learn to kiss like that?" She also said she loved the way I smelled and loved the way I tasted. I kissed her again and lay my hand over her ass. She stiffened, and as she did I whispered in her ear, "No reluctance? When you are in my arms, surrender." And she stopped, relaxed and held to me tight as I traced my hands over her back and bottom, rubbing her hips and even ran my fingers through the crease of her ass. I could feel how small her panties were again and asked, "You always were lingerie?" She blushed, "It is my treat to myself."

I said, "Maybe I will see it sometime." She was at a loss as she exited my office.

***

Rachel did finally understand our situation one time when we went on a hike, a long hike that was hilarious in part because she never had before, and had completely worn non-hiking garb, and a pair of fluffy boots with tassels. I had told her to wear boots. We moved up through a mountain trail, up very high and at an overlook stood by a fence that crossed the path. She was so beautiful with her arms leaning on that fence, and I came up behind her and nudge her with my crotch and hugged her too me. 

She glanced back at me, and her whole demeanor stiffened. She wriggled free and said, "Dad, don't be so corny."

I had no idea what she was about, but realized there were some people coming up the trail. She whispering to me, "I told those two I was your niece." She said. She was flustered and embarrassed. This time we went out in public, even in wilderness and our secret. It was impactful on Rachel. She understood, but our relationship continued the entire time she lived with me.

It was a double world I lived. Alternate reality and my wish that it could be different. Do I wonder, dream, long for what I never had. 

Yes. 

I won't lie. But we all have lives lived in the world everyone sees, with a part of us forever hidden. 

It is what makes us human, the pain of which allows us to love.



pics---->> http://bit.ly/1D1q3qp