Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Title: Off with Her Pants


Summary: Relly discovers her sexuality and her brother.  Concurrently.


Keywords: inc,fic,brother,sister,first time







   I was right in the middle of brushing my teeth when the bathroom door
burst open.  Denver, my demonstrably inconsiderate older brother, stared at
me for a second as though confused by my presence, then kept coming.

   "Hwaa uh faah?" I demanded around a mouthful of toothbrush.

   I tried to body block Denver and force him back out.  He just grinned
that annoyingly charming smile of his and pushed me gently but firmly back
to the sink.

   "Sorry, Relly, I gotta piss."

   I spit into the sink, clearing my mouth.  "You couldn't wait two
seconds? You couldn't even knock?"

   "Nope.  Gonna burst."

   "I coulda been naked, you know."

   My brother examined my typical nightshirt and panties combo.  "You're
not though, are you."

   "I coulda been.  That's the point.  You have to knock, at least."

   Denver flipped the seat up on the toilet and unzipped himself.  His back
was to me so I couldn't see anything, but I whirled my head and resolutely
faced forward anyway.  Just because he had no sense of decorum didn't mean
I couldn't comport myself.

   "Maybe you shouldn't be getting naked to brush your teeth."

   The liquid splash of urine hitting toilet water interrupted any retort I
might have made.  I finished up brushing and rinsed my mouth out.  Denver
was still pissing.  Fucker.

   "I could have been getting ready for a shower," I said a little louder
than necessary.

   "Shower wasn't running."

   My eyes narrowed and I glared a hole through the back of Denver's stupid
head.  He knew logic infuriated me when I was trying to make a point.  I
took half a step closer to my brother, then lashed out with a carefully
weighted kick.  It caught him right in the butt and made him stumble.

   "Aw, fuck," he said.  "You made me get it everywhere."

   "Oops," I said sweetly.  "Guess you'll have to clean it up.  If only
you'd waited until I was done."

   "I sense there's a moral here somewhere."

   "You sense correctly.  Ponder it while you scrub."

   I flounced triumphantly out of the bathroom.  Justice had been served.

   It was getting pretty late, and I was all prepped for bed and
everything, but I wasn't quite ready to go to sleep yet.  It was time for a
little Netflix.  The parents were in bed already, and Denver...  well, he
might still make a nuisance of himself, but in theory I had the living room
all to myself.

   Our family had acquired a new couch recently.  It was fancy as shit and
fit for a queen.  It was soft and comfy as one could ask for, and the ends
each reclined with pop-up footstools, kind of like a lazyboy.  Personally,
I enjoyed stretching out across its entire length.  It was unnecessary and
arguably a worse position than sitting in one of the chair ends like it was
designed for, but it felt selfish and luxurious to claim the whole sofa for
myself, and there was a simple joy in such an act.

   I got my show going and settled in with a throw pillow under my head. 
The room was dark except for the tv.  When the rest of the house was quiet,
I was alone in my own void of decadent solitude.

   "What'cha watching?"

   The light flipped on as my brother walked in the room.  I rolled my eyes
and repressed a sigh.  Fucking Denver, always ruining metaphorical royal
prisons and shit.

   "Shh," I said.  "I'm busy."

   Denver came closer, then unceremoniously picked up my legs and sat under
them.  I let my legs fall right back onto his lap where they'd been.

   "Gilmore Girls, right?" he said.  "Haven't you seen it all yet?  I
remember you talking about this show, like...  five years ago?  Six?"

   "Something like that.  And yes, I have seen it before.  And no, that
doesn't mean you can interrupt whenever you want."

   Denver shut up for a few minutes.  I ignored his presence and let my
mind get back into the flow of the show.  That worked for a while.

   "Why do they talk so fast?"

   "'Cause they do."

   "Fair enough."

   Denver scratched an itch, then rested his hand on my calf when it came
back down.  Technically, according to my Arbitrary Rules of Nighttime Couch
Sitting, my brother had already committed two or three violations of
personal space.  Unlike when everyone was up and doing awake-type things, I
felt entitled to taking as much space as I could physically claim.  Usually
it worked because no one else was around to contest it, which makes for the
best kind of rule in many ways.

   So far Denver was behaving himself sufficiently for me not to have to
decree him banned from sitting next to me and/or summarily executed.  It
was a closer thing than he realized, though, as proven by his next
statement moments later.

   "I can see your panties, you know."

   "Fuck's sake, Den.  I said shut up."

   "Actually, you didn't specifically--"

   "Fine, I'm saying it now.  Shut up."

   "Sure."

   Denver wiggled down a little further in his seat.  My legs wiggled with
him.  I resisted the urge to check on or adjust my sleep shirt.  What was
he doing looking at my panties anyway?

   I glanced at my brother.  By all appearances he was focused entirely on
the show.  He smiled frequently, and was even starting to chuckle at parts.
At least he was enjoying the show.  He wasn't a total philistine.

   "Den?"

   "Yeah?"

   "Why were you looking at my butt?"

   Denver gave me a lopsided smile.  "I wasn't.  But your shirt isn't
covering it." He reached over and tugged my hemline back into place.  "And
your panties were kinda...  y'know, like, a little wedged in there."

   "You wouldn't know that if you weren't looking.  A good brother wouldn't
have stared long enough to see that much detail."

   "True.  But a good sister wouldn't have given me the chance."

   I pulled one of my feet back and jabbed it into Denver's side just hard
enough to hurt.  He flinched back and moved his arm to block any potential
second strike.

   "I was in here minding my own business.  It's not my fault you had to
show up and start perving on me."

   "Wasn't even.  If I ever perv on you, you'll know it."

   "That's not nearly as reassuring as you seem to think it is."

   Denver nodded easily.  "Maybe not." He reached over and tugged at my
shirt again.  My kick must have disturbed it.  "Maybe it'll teach you some
modesty though."

   "Ha.  This from the boy who barges in on me while I'm in the bathroom."

   "Ok, that's...  possibly a fair point."

   "Damn right it is."

   I went back to watching my show.  Or at least I mostly did.  Every now
and then I checked on my brother to make sure he was watching the tv and
not me.  Usually he was.  Once or twice I caught his eye and he lifted an
eyebrow, but I declined to engage him.

   The episode ended shortly after.  This time I looked at Denver in search
of a reaction to the show.  He'd sat through the rest of it once he sat
down, so I was cautiously optimistic.

   "That was pretty ok," he said.

   "Just ok?"

   "Well...  I dunno.  I didn't understand some of it, and...  are the two
main girls always so whimsical?"

   "Lorelai and Rory?  Basically, yeah.  That's their thing."

   "And the older one's the mom?"

   I snorted.  "Maybe we should start you at the beginning next time you
watch."

   "Sure."

   "Really?"

   "Yeah.  Why not?  It's, like, kinda funny and quirky and stuff.  I
wouldn't mind checking out some more."

   I felt a warm glow inside.  Denver was actually into something I
enjoyed, at least tentatively.  That didn't happen often.  My shows were
too girly for him, his games were too shoot-people-in-the-face for me. 
Happy mediums were sneaky unicorns in our lives.

   "I will be happy to indoctrinate you," I assured him.

   "Cool.  You up for another episode?"

   "Now?"

   "Yeah."

   "It's pretty late."

   "Very astute."

   I bit my lip and thought it over.  I had school tomorrow, and Denver
probably had some college classes too.  He wasn't worried, but then he
almost certainly started later in the day than me.  Still, one more episode
wouldn't spell disaster, and my brother's eagerness might fade if I didn't
get him hooked while I had the chance.

   "Ok," I said.  "You find episode one, I'm gonna go get a drink since
we're already staying up late and being bad little chilluns."

   "Sounds good.  Get me one too?"

   I hopped off the couch, but stopped and raised my eyebrow.  I waited
expectantly.

   "Please?" Denver added.

   "Sure.  Rum?"

   "Yes, thanks."

   I lightly raided our parents' liquor cabinet and poured a couple fingers
of rum for Denver, then scotch for myself.  I'd never technically asked if
it was ok, but I didn't do it frequently, and neither Mom or Dad ever said
anything about their bottles being slightly emptier than they should be. 
They poured me a little on special occasions, and that was kind of like
permission.  In a way.  Maybe.

   "Your drink, sir," I said as I passed Denver his glass.

   "Why thank you, sister dearest."

   I set my glass on the end table by the side of the couch Denver wasn't
occupying.  This time I opted for actually sitting up properly, more or
less.  Denver had reclined on his end, and I pulled up my footstool as
well. I tucked my feet up under my butt reflexively, which kind of defeated
the purpose.

   "Ready?" Denver asked.

   "Yep."

   He started the first episode playing.  I took a sip of scotch and
followed the warmth as it trickled down to my tummy.  Dad had such
excellent taste in booze.

   I'd seen the first episode several times by now, and the last time
hadn't really been that long ago.  I was happy enough to see it again, but
my familiarity with it meant that my attention could wander without me
really missing anything.  Part of my time was spent checking on Denver and
making sure he was enjoying himself, which he seemed to be.  Another part
was spent analyzing myself.

   I was propped up somewhat on my hip with my legs curled up on the
opposite side.  It was hard to say if my brother had any kind of sight line
under my shirt like he'd had before.  Probably he wouldn't even look
anyway. It had to have just been an accidental glance before, and a lack of
vocal filter that made him say anything about it.

   "She's pretty hot," Denver said.

   I looked back at the screen, slightly startled as my thoughts were
interrupted.  "What?"

   "The mom."

   "Lorelai?"

   "Yeah.  She's pretty hot, don't you think?"

   "Oh don't even."

   "I'm just--"

   "I don't care what you're 'just,' don't do it.  Don't bring the show
down with your stupid boy-ness."

   Denver chuckled.  "Sorry to disappoint, sis.  I'm a boy, and I'll
basically always be one."

   "You don't have to be so obvious about it."

   Denver cleared his throat.  "I'll try not to," he declared in a horrible
falsetto.  "I will do my very best to--"

   I yanked my throw pillow out from between me and my arm rest.  I swung
it with all my might in a perfect arc, catching Denver square in the face.
It made a satisfying 'wumph' as it hit him.  He just laughed, but at least
he stopped talking.  The rest of the episode passed in relative silence,
with only the occasional chuckle from my brother.

   "So what'd you think?" I asked.  "Other than wanting to bang every
female who came on screen."

   "Not every female.  Just the hot mom.  Total milf, dude.  Seriously."

   "You're gross as fuck sometimes."

   "Only sometimes?  That's practically a compliment." Denver stood up and
stretched.  "For real though, I think I like it."

   "Yeah?"

   "Yeah."

   "So you wanna watch more some time?"

   "Uh huh.  Maybe not tonight though."

   "No shit.  I'm gonna be hurting for sleep as it is."

   I turned everything off, then padded toward the hallway.  Denver
followed along behind, and I had to resist the urge to see if he was
checking out my butt.  One little comment had me way too paranoid.  He'd be
quite amused if he knew.

   Denver's room was in the basement.  It was bigger than mine, and
apparently stayed a heavenly temperature when it got super hot out in the
summer, but given the amount of junk and half-finished walls he shared his
floor with, I'd never begrudged him those minor luxuries.

   "Night, Den," I said before we parted.

   "See ya in the morning, Relly."

   "If you're up in time."

   "See ya tomorrow evening, then."

   "Figured."

   On impulse, I leaned in and gave my brother a quick hug.  He hugged me
back, but the whole thing lasted only a second or two.  Just enough to
display the requisite familial affection for a pair of siblings.  I wasn't
sure why I craved that brief contact, but it felt nice.

   Denver didn't move at first when I turned away.  I was only a few steps
beyond him when he spoke up again.

   "I like that colour on you," he said.

   I jolted to a stop and whirled toward him.  He was already disappearing
downstairs.  He meant my shirt, right?  Or my earrings maybe, but that was
a stretch.

   I craned my neck around, desperately trying to get a look at my own
butt. My shirt seemed to ride up in the back more than I'd realized.  If I
moved just right, I decided Denver probably could have seen just a flash of
my panties while I was walking.  Fuck.  Time to retire a nightshirt.

   ****

   My parents were already at the breakfast table when I got there the next
morning.  There was no sign of Denver, which was only to be expected.

   "Morning, sweetie," Mom said.  "Tea or coffee?'

   "I'll have coffee if there's some made," I said.  "I could use some
caffeine."

   "That's my girl," Dad said with a wry smile.  His ritualistic morning
coffee was practically a law of nature.

   I popped two slices of bread into the toaster, then stood next to it
waiting for it to pop.  Mom handed me a steaming mug, which I accepted
gratefully.

   "Do you suppose your brother will be joining us?" Mom asked.

   I shrugged.  "Your guess is as good as mine.  Depends on when his
classes start, probably."

   "He shouldn't sleep through breakfast.  It's not healthy."

   "The great thing about breakfast is you can eat it whenever you wake
up."

   "That's disruptive for your digestion.  You really should be eating
regular meals."

   "Very sensible," I agreed, perhaps a little too glibly.

   Dad cleared his throat.  "Don't be sarcastic with your mother.  Not this
early in the day."

   "Wasn't sarcasm.  It was just...." I trailed off.  Dad was giving me a
Look.  "No sarcasm.  Got it."

   My toast popped.  I slapped the two slices on a plate in the traditional
burning-my-fingers-on-hot-toast manner, then applied the correct amount of
butter in an even spread.  The first bite was crunchy, greasy perfection.
Whatever my skills may have lacked in other areas, boy could I make toast.

   "Maybe I need to start waking Denver up in the morning," Mom said.  She
sat at the table opposite from Dad, cup of tea cradled in her hands, and a
very healthful half-eaten bowl of 30-billion grain porridge in front of
her. I'd never figured out how she stomached it, especially with the
abysmally small amount of sugar she cut it with.  "Being a college boy is
no excuse for sleeping in every day."

   "I believe it's the main appeal, actually," I said.

   Both of my parents turned toward me.  Mom was unamused.  Dad seemed
haplessly resigned to my unintentional antagonism of her current vendetta
against sloth.

   "Esmeralda Adams!"

   I winced at the sound of my full name.

   "That is exactly the kind of off-hand remark that leads to poor social
and academic performance," Mom continued.  "You and your brother are so--"

   "I should go wake him up," I interrupted.  "You've convinced me, I am
converted.  Allow me to repent my sinful ways."

   I took another quick gulp of coffee, enough to singe my tongue, and
grabbed my half-finished slice of toast.  I abandoned the other to
inevitable cooling and inedibleness.  Alas poor breakfast, ye died too
young.

   Mom was thrown sufficiently off-balance that she didn't challenge my
obvious ploy to get away from her lecturing.  Dad hid a grin behind his
coffee mug.  I kissed Mom's cheek on the way by, mostly because it tended
to mollify her even at the worst of times.  Then I was heading downstairs
and away from the danger of learning what was good for me.

   The area at the immediate bottom of the stairs was in tidy order.  The
floor was clean and clear between there and Denver's room, with even a
small bathroom along the way.

   There was the hum of the family's big chest freezer in the other
direction, and beyond that was an absolute disaster of half-finished
flooring, walls, and insulation.  An awful lot of items had been put in
storage wherever there was space, as well.  Every box of junk, old piece of
sports equipment, or bag of clothes was another nail in the coffin of the
dream of a fully livable basement.

   I ignored the debris and beelined for Denver's room.  His door was
closed, and I gave it a courtesy knock before entering, just as a
formality. I didn't expect my brother to be awake yet, and indeed he
wasn't. I finished the last bite of my toast and wiped my hands off on my
pants.  It was time for a bit of mischief.

   Slowly, delicately, I crawled onto Denver's bed.  I managed to straddle
him with my hands on either side of his head without disturbing him.  He
was blissfully unaware of my face positioned just above his.

   "Deeenveeerrr," I called at the softest of volumes. 
"Deeeeeeennnveeerrrrr."

   After a few repetitions, his brow crinkled slightly.  His eyes cracked
open, then he jerked awake in a sudden fit of panic that dissolved a few
seconds later.

   "Goddammit, Relly." Denver pushed me off him, and I fell to my side
giggling happily.  "What the hell time is it?"

   "Time to get up," I informed him.  "It's very unhealthy to lie around in
bed all day.  You need your breakfast.  You're a growing boy with--"

   "Oh fuck, Mom read an article again, didn't she?"

   "Seems that way." I frowned.  "And she used my full name, even. 
Skipping breakfast must cause cancer or something, 'cause she's super
serious about it."

   "Aw, I'm sorry."

   I shook it off.  "That's ok.  At least I get to come bug you first thing
in the morning, and you can't even get pissy about it."

   "Try me."

   I adopted a deliberately annoying whine.  "Mooommm, Denver's being
meeeaaannn.  I just did what you saaaiiiddd."

   "Alright, alright.  There's no need for tattling."

   "That's what I thought."

   I sat on the edge of Denver's bed with one of my legs tucked up under
me. He sat up, but made no further move to get out of bed.

   "Come on, man," I said.  "I can't go back without you in tow."

   "You can too.  Tell Mom I'll be right there."

   "S'ok.  I got time.  I can wait for you."

   "Coward."

   "Not cowardice.  I'm just being tactical.  I believe it was Sun Tzu who
said, 'Bitch, get yourself dressed and be my human shield.'"

   Denver snorted in amusement.  "Truly a wise man in the ways of war."

   "Yeah he was.  Now come on."

   "No."

   "Why not?"

   "Just...  give me some privacy, would you?"

   "Why?  Are you naked under your blanket or something?"

   "No.  I got boxers on."

   I rolled my eyes.  "So what, then?  Embarrassed about me seeing you in
your underwear?  That's kinda weak after you were perving on mine last
night."

   Denver stabbed a finger at me.  "First off, you were the one showing off
your underwear.  It's not like I went looking for it."

   I was torn between amusement at Denver's defensiveness, and chagrin at
being reminded that it was kind of my own fault if he'd been able to see
under my nightshirt.  He hadn't actually denied the accusation of perving
either, which was a whole other set of complications.

   "That's irrelevant right now," I said with a casual flip of my hair.

   "Maybe.  Secondly...  it's got nothing to do with how I'm dressed.  Not
directly, anyway."

   "What's that supposed to mean?"

   Denver sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead.  "Relly, you know boys,
right?"

   "I've heard of them, yes."

   "And you know what sometimes happens to them?"

   "You'll have to be more specific."

   "In the morning...."

   "They get hungry?  They need to piss?  They...  oh.  Ooohhh." My eyes
widened and my eyebrows shot straight up.  "You mean...."

   "Yes.  Privacy, please."

   I burst out laughing.  "Oh shit.  Big bro's got a boner."

   "Relly, come on."

   I couldn't stop giggling.  I knew it wasn't really that funny, but
somehow, in the moment, it was to me.  My older, more mature brother was
stuck hiding a hard-on under the covers.  It was such a ludicrous departure
from the way my morning had been going.  Maybe that was all it took.

   "Shall I avert my eyes?" I asked between fits of laughter.  "Leave the
room?  Vacate the house entirely, perhaps?"

   Denver shook his head in exasperation.  "Fine, do whatever you want."

   He threw back the covers and swung his legs off his bed.  My laughter
caught in my throat.  His boxers were tented prominently, and I was faced
with a sudden reality; that was actually my brother's erection.  It had
been so abstract and comical a moment ago.  Now it practically stared me in
the face.

   "Well, then," I said.

   "Told ya."

   "You're right.  You did."

   When Denver stood up, it only made his boxer-tent all the more obvious
and focal.  I half expected his cock to burst out the front like a hatching
alien.

   "It doesn't do tricks.  Doesn't matter how long you stare at it."

   Denver began fetching clothes.  I flushed and looked away from him until
he was pulling some pants on.

   "Wasn't staring," I said.

   "Were."

   "Wasn't."

   Denver turned to me as he buckled his belt.  He grinned at me, all
shirtless and slightly bulging in the crotch area.  At least his jeans held
his erection down way better than his underwear.

   "Were," he said definitively.

   "Fine, so I was.  It was just so...  big.  Bigger than I expected."

   Denver laughed.  "Now that's how to give a boy confidence."

   I felt my face heat up even further.  "No no no, not like that."

   "Not like what?"

   "I just meant it was sticking...  out...  a lot." I paused.  "Fuck.  I'm
not making this any better."

   "You're really not."

   Denver selected a t-shirt and pulled it on over his head.  The muscles
in his arms stood out more clearly than I was used to for a moment, then
the shirt came down and covered him up.

   "You said something about playing some basketball recently, or
something," I said in an attempt to change the subject.  "You still doing
that?"

   "Yeah, actually.  There's some, like, casually organized games happening
a few times a week at college.  And some pick-up games whenever."

   "Is it fun?"

   "Kinda.  Enough that I keep going back.  Gotta get some exercise, you
know."

   "Mom bugging ya about it?"

   Denver nodded.  "Indeed."

   "Well it's working for you."

   The smile Denver gave me made me feel funny.  I was still off balance
from my unfortunate choices of staring and word selection, so maybe that
was part of it.  There was something else, though.  Something I couldn't
quite figure out.

   "Thanks, Relly.  I actually really appreciate you saying that."

   My face was never going to stop being red at this rate.  At least this
was a more positive cause than before.

   "Yeah, well...  yeah.  You're welcome."

   I stood up and left the room.  Denver padded behind me on bare feet.  He
stopped at the bathroom, and I turned just before he closed the door.

   "Hey, Den?" I said.

   "Yeah?"

   "Could we, like, never mention any of this to anyone ever?"

   He snorted.  "In what universe am I telling anyone about how my little
sister was perving on me?"

   It was a sign of my sheer level of emotional turmoil that I didn't even
consider arguing the point.  "Ok.  Cool.  I'll, uh, see you upstairs,
then."

   "Sure thing."

   Denver closed the door, and I trudged back up the stairs.  I was not
mentally prepared for the day, that much was clear.  Maybe I needed more
coffee.

   ****

   I spent much of my school day thinking and worrying about that morning.
I didn't remember anything about my classes except that I'd been to them.
My mind was occupied with other concerns.

   It bothered me way too much the way I'd reacted.  I knew about boys, to
some extent.  I knew about erections, anyway, and that they sometimes just
happened.  And, in theory, since my brother was a boy I should have been
able to put things together in my head.  Clearly that hadn't worked out.

   It frustrated me to think that I was still so juvenile, so
inexperienced, that Denver's tented boxers confused the shit out of me.  He
had a penis, alright?  It wasn't anything new or strange.  That was just
how boys were built.

   Except...  Denver wasn't a boy.  Or rather, he was a very special subset
of boys; one who carried very different rules of engagement.  It wasn't the
usual case where an erection would produce either arousal or disgust in me,
depending on my feelings about the boy in question.  Denver was outside of
that game.  He was my brother, and that was it.  When I'd been confronted
with evidence to the contrary, it had damaged my base world view.

   I felt a little better when I figured out the explanation for my
reaction.  At least, it was a possible explanation, and it seemed to fit
nicely enough.  Denver had existed asexually in my life for quite a long
time, and he could continue to do so.  I'd just have to be more careful in
the future.

   By the time I visited my locker for the final time that day, I was
feeling much more like myself.  I was still pretty spaced out, though, and
didn't notice my friend sneaking up on me.  Which is to say, she probably
walked normally, and only my lack of situational awareness allowed her to
startle me the way she did.

   "Hey, Relly."

   I jumped at the sudden voice.  My feet actually left the ground, albeit
only just barely enough to count.

   "Oh shit, Fay.  You scared me."

   Fay laughed and leaned up against the locker next to mine.  "Well I
didn't mean to, if it's any consolation."

   "No no, I know.  I'm just...."

   "Spaced the fuck out?"

   "Yeah.  Basically."

   "I could tell.  You've been out of it all day.  I was getting kinda
worried about you."

   I busied myself rearranging my text books as an excuse not to meet Fay's
gaze.  "I've had some things on my mind."

   "No kidding.  Anything I can help with?"

   "I don't know.  It's complicated."

   "Ah.  Boy trouble?"

   I ran out of things to tidy and shut my locker.  Fay was peering at me a
little too intently for comfort.  I crossed my arms and shrugged.

   "Kinda."

   "Kinda?"

   "I mean, yeah, it's about a boy.  But it's not what you're thinking."

   Fay smirked.  "Like you know what I'm thinking."

   "I can guess." I frowned in concentration for a few seconds.  "Either...
you're hoping I have a new crush, or...  or something significantly dirtier
than that."

   "Ha.  Alright, you got me." Fay's smile faded to disappointment.  "Guess
that means it's not one of those then, huh?"

   "Nope."

   "That's too bad.  You need a boy in your life."

   "Do not.  I'm doing fine."

   "Relly--"

   "No.  Don't give me this lecture again."

   I turned away, arms still folded protectively in front of me.  Fay's
hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed gently.

   "No lecture," she said.  "Promise.  I just worry about your lack of
socializing sometimes.  You know that."

   I sighed.  "I do.  But you know that you make me feel like a total loser
when you fuss over me too much."

   "Also true." Fay threw her arm around my shoulders and started walking.
I had little choice but to follow.  "Alright, so in deference to your poor,
sensitive little feelings--"

   "Bitch."

   "--we'll leave this mystery boy alone for now.  C'mon, let's go have
some fun.  Get your mind off it." Fay wagged a finger in my face.  "And
don't be calling me names just for being a good friend.  It's rude."

   A smile crept over my lips.  "Then don't say things specifically to
provoke name-calling."

   "Who, me?"

   ****

   Fay dropped me off at home that evening.  We'd spent a few hours hanging
out, which had been pretty fun.  She'd tried getting me to spill my secret
a few more times, but as yet it remained known only to me.

   I knew I was in trouble when I walked in and found the rest of my family
at the supper table already.  They were clearly well in the middle of their
meal.  Denver had already cleared most of his plate, being a boy and all.
Dad was about halfway through, and Mom was picking tactically at her food.
All three of them looked up at me as I entered.

   "Hello, Relly," Mom said in an entirely civil tone.  "Nice of you to
join us."

   "You're in trouuubllleee," Denver called in a sing-songy voice.

   "Shut the hell up, Den," I said.

   Mom set her fork down hard.  "Esmeralda!  Language!"

   "Jesus, Mom.  Don't call me that.  You know I don't like it."

   "It's your name.  I don't know why--"

   "No, I know.  It doesn't matter how many times I explain it." I adopted
a higher pitched, blatantly sarcastic tone.  "It's such a beautiful name,
especially for pretty, pretty princesses." I rolled my eyes with all the
teenage angst I could muster.

   Mom took a few deep breaths.  I waited in full rebel-mode for her
inevitable response.

   "You know," she began icily, "for someone who waltzes in so late, with
not so much as a phone call to let us know where you were--"

   "Here we go."

   "We worry about you, Relly.  Anything could happen."

   "I was just out with Fay.  My phone was on.  You could have gotten hold
of me if you wanted."

   "That's not the point."

   "No, I know.  The point is I did the wrong thing again, and you have to
point it out in front of everyone."

   I glared at Mom, daring her to keep arguing.  She was ready to do just
that, but Dad interrupted first.

   "Why don't I handle this," he said, wiping his mouth and standing up.

   Mom muttered something too low for me to catch.  I let Dad lead me away
from the table.  We got far enough to be out of earshot before he stopped
us.

   "I didn't mean to miss supper," I said quietly.  "We got here a little
late is all."

   "I know, sweetie.  It's ok."

   "Well Mom doesn't seem to think so."

   "Relly...  you did start swearing at the dinner table."

   I bit my lip and thought back.  "I guess I did, huh."

   "I think, and don't take this the wrong way, that you might have been
expecting a fight...."

   "And I got one," I finished for him.

   Dad nodded.  "Basically."

   I sighed.  "Ok.  Maybe...  maybe I've been a little too tense today."

   "Would it help if I sent you to your room?"

   I gave my father a quick hug.  "Thanks, Dad."

   "You're welcome." He stepped back and gave me a stern look.  "Now you
better go and...  learn a lesson.  Or something."

   "Yes, Daddy."

   For a moment I batted my eyes and swung my hands behind my back, acting
the stereotypical daddy's little girl.  Dad chuckled and gave me a gentle
push in the direction of my room.  I flounced away as he returned to the
dining table.

   ****

   It was only much later that I risked leaving my room.  Whatever Dad had
told Mom, she hadn't come looking for me before heading to bed.  He'd done
well running interference for me.

   There was a plate of food waiting for me in the fridge.  It was unclear
who had made it up for me.  Probably Mom.  Even at her most annoyed she
wouldn't want me to starve.  And tonight hadn't been anywhere near that
bad, really.  I felt kind of bad about getting so pissy earlier.

   The plan was to take my scavenged feast back to my room, but I was drawn
to sounds coming from the living room.  Denver was still up, and he was
watching Gilmore Girls without me.

   "You fucker," I said without preamble.

   Denver paused the show.  "What, 'cause I taunted you earlier?"

   "Actually, I'd forgotten about that.  You got me in trouble, you little
shit."

   "No, you got you in trouble.  I merely aided and abetted." He hesitated.
"Assuming that means what I think it means."

   I sat down carefully on the couch.  The last thing I wanted to do was
spill any of my reheated dinner on it.  It was too new a piece of furniture
for food to be allowed on it yet, and there'd be hell to pay if I stained
it somehow.

   "I actually meant watching without me.  That's breaking the social
contract of watching a show together."

   Denver looked from me to the screen, then back again.  "But you've seen
it already."

   "So what?"

   "I...  don't know.  Sorry?  I guess?"

   "You better be."

   I started eating.  Denver still didn't start the show up again.  I
raised my eyebrow at him and waited to see if there was more.

   "Are you ok?" he asked after a moment of struggling with whether or not
to say anything.

   "Sure.  I'm fine."

   "Really?"

   "You don't believe me?"

   Denver shrugged.  "Ok.  Whatever.  Sorry for caring."

   He started the show going again, cutting off any retort I might have
made.  That was fine.  It was probably better not to turn it into an
argument.  Besides, I was starving and I wanted to focus on eating.

   For a while, that's all I did was eat.  I followed along with the show
somewhat, and I knew the episode well enough that nothing I missed really
mattered.  It was only once my ravenous hunger was sated that I started
drifting into other areas of thought.  While I toyed with the last of my
late supper, I also started sneaking peeks at my brother.

   Denver was wholly engrossed in the show, which was good.  There was no
need for him to be perving on me again like last night.  But then, was that
even what he'd been doing?  Seeing him in his underwear had done weird
things to me, and maybe that's all it was for him too.  The circumstances
were very different, though.  I didn't have a penis to stick out and be all
gross and distracting and shit.

   I took my dishes to the kitchen once the episodes was over.  I felt much
better with a full tummy than when I'd been empty-stomached and anxious in
my room earlier.  Somewhat surprisingly, Denver followed me to the kitchen
shortly after.  He wasn't chasing me as I first suspected, but rather
headed directly to the fridge and pulled a tub of ice cream out of the
small freezer area.

   "Want some?" Denver asked as he got a bowl out of the cupboard.

   "Um...  maybe just a little," I said after some thought.

   "How much is that?"

   "Like, probably half...  no, a third of whatever you're gonna have."

   "You act like you know me or something."

   Denver scooped himself a larger portion than I would have taken even if
I hadn't just finished a meal.  The bowl he scooped for me was much more
reasonable, though was probably closer to half his than the third I'd
revised down to.

   "Thanks," I said.

   "You're welcome." Denver put the ice cream container back in the
freezer. "More Gilmore Girls?"

   "Sounds good."

   Denver and I sat on our separate ends of the couch, ice cream in our
laps, and watched some more whimsical shenanigans.  I took small spoonfuls
and savoured every bite of my dessert.  More than that, I enjoyed just
hanging out with my brother.  It was a totally normal sibling thing to do,
albeit somewhat on the idealized end of the scale.  It was the sort of
thing I needed after a stressful day.

   "Are you still eating that?"

   I looked over at Denver.  I was confused until I saw that he was done
his ice cream already.  My bowl was still half full.

   "How are you done already?" I demanded.

   "You eat super slow."

   "No.  You eat super fast."

   "The rest of your ice cream's half-melted already.  You're slow.  Case
closed."

   I scooped up some melty ice cream and licked it off my spoon.  "Mmm. 
Still delicious."

   "Yeah, whatever."

   I kept licking and making noises of appreciation while Denver tried to
keep up with the action on screen.  His gaze flicked over to me frequently,
so I knew he wasn't succeeding at ignoring me.

   "You know," he said after a moment, "what you're doing is starting to
seem like something different from what you're going for."

   "What?" I set my spoon back in my bowl and frowned.  "What does that
mean?"

   "It means...  shit, I don't want to have to explain this."

   "Explain what, dammit?"

   "You're licking and moaning, Relly.  Figure it out."

   "Oh, ew!  Ew ew ew." I set my bowl on the table beside me and scooted to
the middle of the couch to get even further from it.  I pulled my feet up
and wrapped my arms around my legs in a protective ball.  "Why'd you have
to say that?  That's gross."

   "You were the one doing it.  I can't help it."

   "Yeah, but...  I didn't mean that.  God, ew.  You know I didn't mean
that."

   "I know."

   Denver put his arm around me and pulled me to his shoulder.  I gladly
accepted the gesture of comfort.  I needed it now that I'd made myself feel
so dirty.  Licking and moaning?  Goddamn, what was I thinking?  Maybe Fay
was onto something with all her worrying that I was too sheltered.  She
wouldn't have done something so suggestive unless she specifically meant
to.

   For a while Denver held me in a sort of half-hug.  I relaxed more and
more against him until I was fully snuggled up with my big brother.  It was
a secure, comforting position for me.  It got even better when Denver
started running his fingers through my hair.

   It seemed like Denver didn't realize what he was doing at first.  He
started out just moving his hand from my shoulder to my neck and toying
with the ends of my hair.  He gradually got bolder until his fingers were
gliding over my scalp and entwining with my hair.  It felt amazing. 
Unfortunately, once he became fully aware of just how intimate it was
getting, he stopped.  His hand dropped back to a more respectable position
on my shoulder.

   "Don't stop," I said quietly.

   "I don't know, Relly.  I kinda, like...  I didn't mean--"

   "Don't care.  Keep going."

   Nothing happened, and I thought my brother had been scared off.  It was,
perhaps, a little too intimate a gesture for our relationship.  We didn't
really get too close most of the time, and now more then ever I felt the
ache of opportunities missed.  I craved his caring, protective touch, and I
regretted not seeking it out more.

   Then, after I'd given up hope, Denver went back to my hair and his
fingers ran through it once more.  I sighed happily and nestled into his
embrace.  We spent the rest of the episode cuddled together.  I greedily
sapped my brother's love and body heat, using them to restore my emotional
deficiencies.

   I was nearly asleep by the end of the episode.  I was listening to
Denver's heartbeat more than I was paying attention to dialogue.  Its
rhythmic pulse against my cheek lulled me into a sleepy and vulnerable
state.

   "You still awake?" Denver whispered.

   "Barely."

   Denver's volume rose back to normal.  "Good enough.  You done for the
night?"

   "Probably I should be, I guess.  I'm very comfy here, though."

   "You're saying I'm a good pillow?"

   "The very finest.  I'll be sure to leave a glowing review online.  Five
stars."

   Denver chuckled, and the movement was jarring after him being still for
so long.  I reluctantly sat up and leaned against the back of the couch
instead of my brother.  His face still held an amused expression, and his
eyes shone far brighter than I felt they should have given the lighting.  I
could have lost myself in those eyes.

   "Relly?  Why are you looking at me like that?"

   I turned away quickly.  "Nothing.  No reason."

   "No, come on.  If there's--"

   "I have to pee."

   Denver's forehead crinkled, and he tilted his head.  "Ok, sure.  But...
nevermind."

   I was already off the couch and walking swiftly out of the room.  This
day just kept getting weirder.  Every time I felt I was in control,
something happened to make me realize I wasn't.

   Denver was still in the living room when I got back from the bathroom.
He had reclined his end of the couch and had stretched out his full length
from headrest to footstool.

   "I didn't know if you were coming back," he said.

   "Maybe I shouldn't have.  I'm...  not really sure."

   "Something's going on with you.  I don't know what it is, and you don't
seem to want to talk about it, but there's something."

   I brushed some hair back behind my ear.  "You're not wrong."

   "But you're not going to tell me what it is."

   I squirmed under my brother's intense stare.  "It's embarrassing."

   "I won't laugh.  Promise."

   "Ok, but...  I still don't think I can say."

   "Alright.  I tried.  Are you staying up for a while still, or are you
off to bed?"

   I bit my lip.  It was definitely getting late, and missing sleep the
night before hadn't done me any favours.  I didn't want to leave while
Denver was still up; that was the problem.

   "Maybe one more episode?" I said.

   "Sure.  I'm game.  You gonna get changed first or anything?"

   I looked down at myself.  "Why?"

   "So you're ready for bed after?  Because it's comfortable?  I dunno. 
Was just asking."

   "You just wanna see my panties again, don't you?"

   Denver laughed.  "Ha, yeah.  You got me.  This has all been an elaborate
ruse."

   "Well you never know.  You are a boy, after all."

   Denver nodded seriously.  "And as we all know, boys are only interested
in getting girls to take their clothes off.  Even if the girl is their
little sister.  We're total pervs, the lot of us."

   "I'm glad you understand."

   Denver snorted and queued up the next episode on the tv.  I stepped
closer to my seat, but wasn't quite ready to sit down yet.  There was an
idea bouncing around in my head, and I couldn't seem to get rid of it.  It
was probably stupid, had the potential to get terribly embarrassing, and
yet I couldn't help myself.  My fingers trembled slightly as I started
undoing my pants.

   "What the hell are you doing, Relly?"

   "What's it look like?"

   "It looks like you're taking your pants off."

   "Got it in one.  Well done you."

   I kicked my jeans off a little less smoothly than I would have liked,
but it wasn't a bad performance over all.  Once they were off, I felt even
more like I might be making a mistake.  But it wasn't a big deal; it was
basically the same as what I wore to bed every night, and Denver had seen
me in that kind of outfit many, many times.

   There was a difference, though, and I couldn't pretend it didn't exist
no matter how much I wanted to.  Taking one's pants off for a boy meant
something more than wandering around in a bedtime outfit did.  There were
implications.  What was worse, and what I hadn't considered beforehand, was
that my shirt was a normal-sized one rather than a longer nightshirt. 
Instead of giving my brother a flash of panties, he was seeing everything.

   "Well that's...  something," Denver said.

   He stared at me intently, almost unblinking.  I flushed and played with
my hair in an attempt to hide my face.  He wasn't supposed to be quite that
interested.

   "You don't have to look at me that way," I said.

   "You took your pants off."

   "So?  You've seen me without pants lots of times.  Last night, even."

   I picked up my jeans and folded them, willing my hands not to shake at
the mild exercise in dexterity.  My nerves were going haywire.  It was hard
to blame Denver for being too interested in my state of dress when I was
reacting the way I was.  It was just underwear for fuck's sake.  What the
hell was wrong with us?

   "It's different than usual," Denver said.  "Usually your shirt's
covering more of you when you're in your sleepwear."

   "That's true." I fidgeted with my pants.  My voice dropped to a quiet,
uncertain tone.  "Is this, like, not ok?"

   "Oh, hey, no.  It's fine, Relly." Denver flipped his seat back fully
upright.  He leaned forward earnestly.  "I'm sorry for staring all weirdly.
I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.  You should wear whatever you want
to."

   "But it's weird, isn't it?  I just thought 'cause we were joking and
stuff...." I looked down at the floor.  "I should go to bed, maybe.  It's
too late for this.  I'm not thinking clearly."

   Denver grabbed my wrist before I could go anywhere.  I looked at him
curiously.

   "You look good," he said.  "That's why I was staring.  Your nightshirts
are so baggy that I never really saw...  you know, what you actually look
like underneath."

   I felt the beginnings of a smile.  "Really?"

   "Yeah.  You were just standing there, pants on the floor, and I couldn't
help thinking that you're a girl."

   "I...  what?"

   Denver sat back and sighed.  "I mean, obviously you are.  You just don't
look like one to me most of the time.  You're a sister, you know?  It's...
different." He shook his head ruefully.  "That doesn't make any sense, does
it?"

   "Actually, it makes total sense."

   "It does?"

   I nodded.  My confidence was slowly coming back to me.  I draped my
pants over the back of the couch, then sat down next to my brother.  I
pulled my legs up and swiveled to face him directly.

   "That's kinda, like, the sort of thing I felt this morning," I said. 
"When I saw you and...  and...."

   "When I just woke up?" Denver asked softly.

   "Yeah.  You were very much a boy," I said with a nervous giggle.  "And
I'm not used to seeing you that way.  It confused me.  Still does.  But it
helps knowing that I'm not alone."

   "And here I thought you were trying to get a peek at me this morning."

   "Oh my god!  Shut uuuppp."

   I shoved Denver.  He just started laughing.  I couldn't help smiling,
and even managed a few chuckles.  He was just trying to break the tension,
and I appreciated it even if his timing could have been better.

   "Jesus, we're quite a pair, huh?" Denver said.

   "I s'pose we are."

   Denver's face graduated back to a more serious expression.  His eyes
scanned me up and down a couple times.  "You really do look good," he said
softly.

   I wriggled, and squirmed, and blushed furiously.  It was such a genuine
compliment, and it felt so good coming from my brother.  I couldn't meet
his gaze without feeling my face heat up even more, but it thrilled me that
he was still looking.  It meant so much more from him than it would have
from anyone else.

   "Thanks," I mumbled.

   "Probably I'm being a little too pervy now, huh?"

   "No," I said quickly.  "I mean, you can look.  If you want.  It's not
pervy."

   "Yes it is." Denver reached out and brushed my cheek with his fingers. I
looked at him and felt the intensity of his brilliant eyes.  "But maybe
it's ok to be pervy sometimes.  Just a little."

   I nodded without thinking about it.  "Just a little," I repeated in a
whisper.

   The moment lasted for a small eternity.  Our faces were so close
together, my very soul bared through the windows of my eyes.  Nothing
happened, but the possibility of something was so tangible it hurt.

   "One more episode?" Denver asked.

   "Yeah, sure.  One more."

   Denver settled in his seat and started the show up.  I remained where I
was for several seconds, unsure what to do.  Finally I lay back and
stretched myself out across the couch.  My legs ended up in my brother's
lap, and one of my arms curled up under my head.

   I stared resolutely at the tv screen at first.  I refused to check on my
brother constantly to see where he was looking.  Probably he was watching
the show.  But what if he was staring at my butt instead?  It could happen.
He could have been examining any part of my body he chose, and I'd be
oblivious to it.  The thought was a distracting one, and more than a little
confusing.  I told myself I didn't care one way or the other, but that was
a massive lie.

   Something tugged on my sock.  I looked down at my feet just as Denver
pulled the sock all the way off.  He grabbed the other one, and I kicked
just hard enough to dislodge his fingers.

   "Hey!" I protested.  "Leave my socks alone."

   "Why?"

   "Because...  because...." I struggled to think of a good reason.  "You
shouldn't be taking my clothes off without asking."

   Denver's eyebrows arched dangerously high.  "You mean it's ok to take
your clothes off if I ask?"

   "That's not what I meant."

   "All I'd have to do is ask 'Relly, can I unwrap you like a Christmas
present?' and you'd let me?"

   "Gross, Den.  I'm your sister."

   "Well it was your suggestion.  Don't blame me."

   "Wasn't even."

   Denver tugged at my remaining sock again, and this time I let him.  I
waited to see what else he'd do, but there was nothing else.  He just set
his hands on my leg and left them there.

   It was frustrating not to know what my brother was thinking.  There was
something going on in his head, something about me.  I just didn't know
what it was.  He had reabsorbed himself in the show we were meant to be
watching, so I tried to do the same.  It didn't work particularly well.

   Every now and then, Denver would move one of his hands.  He'd rub up and
down my thigh or calf, then go still again.  It was an idle, barely
noteworthy gesture in some ways.  Again, though, it was obtusely irritating
because I didn't know what he was up to.

   I sat up when the episode ended.  It was definitely past my bed time by
then.  I was going to be cranky again in the morning.

   "Den?"

   "Yeah?"

   "Why'd you take my socks off?"

   Denver shrugged.  "Seemed like the thing to do."

   "What the hell kind of answer is that?"

   "Well, you know, you look better with fewer clothes on."

   "Oh my god!" I punched Denver's shoulder.  "That's a little too pervy."

   "I don't mean you need to be naked or anything--"

   "Well thank god for that."

   "--but I mean, look at you."

   Denver held his hand out as though displaying me to an audience.  I
flushed as his gaze roamed my body, but I held still and let him look.

   "You really like panties, huh?" I said.

   "Kinda, I guess.  But it's not really the panties that do anything for
me.  They're just material.  When they're being worn, however...."

   Denver's hand went to my hip.  He slipped his fingers under my shirt and
pushed them upward.  The hem of my shirt lifted along with his hand.  My
breath caught and my heart pounded.  I was both terrified and excited at
the thought that he might just keep going.

   "Your skin's very soft," Denver whispered.

   I swallowed to moisten my mouth.  "Thanks."

   He smiled for a moment, then it faded away again.  "Well, we should
probably go to bed."

   "Yeah, probably."

   I didn't move.  Neither did Denver.  His warm hand remained on my tummy,
just above my hip.  It was an exquisitely confusing sensation.

   "Good night," I said.

   Denver's hand fell away.  "Yeah, good night."

   He got up and left the room.  I stayed behind for a moment, then
collected my clothes and headed to bed.

   ****

   "You seem happier," said Fay.

   She'd snuck up on me at my locker again.  I was a little disconcerted at
how intently she studied my face, but she was right; I did feel better than
yesterday.

   "I guess hanging out with you works wonders," I said.  "I knew we were
friends for a reason."

   "Nooo," Fay said slowly, completely failing to react to my sarcasm. 
"There's something else."

   "Like what?  After you dropped me off last night I got in shit and spent
most of the evening in my room.  What possible detective work are you
trying to accomplish?"

   Fay cupped her chin like a television character looking thoughtful. 
"You're awfully quick with that alibi.  I can only deduce that you're the
murderer!"

   I rolled my eyes.  "Oh for fuck's sake." I slammed my locker closed and
started walking to class.

   It took Fay a few steps to catch up.  She was still giggling to herself.
"Relax, Relly.  I'm not gonna grill you about it." She leaned closer.  "But
I know you were talking to your boy."

   "What boy?"

   "The one you were having trouble with.  The one who's totally not your
secret new boyfriend."

   "Oh.  Him."

   I slowed my pace.  Fay caught my arm and dragged me along with her.

   "I'm going to find out one of these days.  You know that."

   I sighed heavily.  "I'm afraid you just might."

   ****

   I went straight home after school.  Partly I didn't want a repeat of the
night before, but mostly I truly had nothing better to do.  Obedience and
reality; together at last.

   No one else was around when I got home.  At first, I enjoyed the freedom
my solitude afforded me.  I put on some music in the living room and
cranked it up so I could hear it from nearby rooms as well.  I danced my
way to the kitchen in search of a snack, then ransacked the fridge and
cupboards to see what was available.  There was a package of oreos on the
back of a shelf.  God only knew where they'd come from.  I promptly
absconded with the whole thing, rescuing the deliciously unhealthy cookies
from a fate of being forgotten by the world.

   Snack in tow, I made a concession to responsibility and brought my
school bag to the living room.  I had some homework to do, and it was a
good time to do it.  It felt like an absurdly poor use of my alone time,
but I liked having more space to spread out than my room allowed.  I also
worked better, or at least less reluctantly, with a level of musical
omnipresence that wouldn't be tolerated by other family members.

   My books and papers were scattered across the floor in short order.  I
started with the easiest stuff first, on the basis that it meant I was more
likely to at least get something done, and once it was finished there would
be fewer things hanging over my head.  It was a strategy that had served me
adequately over the years.

   I wasn't sure how long I worked for.  It wasn't steady work time, for
one thing.  I got distracted by songs I really liked, or someone texting
me, and sometimes I just got bored and zoned out for a while.  All I knew
was one minute I was alone, and the next time I looked up, Denver was
standing in the doorway.  I'd been singing along to the song that was
playing, and the lyrics died on my tongue.

   "Where'd you come from?" I asked.

   Denver tilted his head.  "What?"

   I rolled my eyes and stood up.  I hit the power button on the stereo,
and the music died instantly.

   "When did you get home?"

   "I've been in my room the whole time.  Heard your music from down
there."

   "Oh.  Well...  sorry.  I thought I was alone."

   Denver shrugged.  "It's fine.  I could only just hear it.  Wasn't
bothering me or anything.  I only really came upstairs for a snack."

   "And instead you seized the opportunity to perv on me some more."

   "If that's what you want to think, go ahead.  Personally, I wouldn't
call it perving if you've got all your clothes on."

   I folded my arms and stuck my hip out slightly.  "Now you're trying to
get my clothes off, huh?  You just never quit."

   Denver laughed and shook his head.  "I hope you realize that your mind
is going to these places all on its own.  If I were you, I might take some
time to examine what's going on up there."

   He turned and went back to the kitchen.  I grabbed the bag of oreos that
I'd only barely touched, then jogged after him.

   "Want some cookies?" I asked.

   "Nice.  Where'd you find those?"

   "In the cupboard.  They're probably, like, kinda old.  But they were
sealed, and they're still fine."

   "I believe it.  Mom hasn't bought any of this stuff in forever."

   "More like a couple weeks," I corrected.  "Ever since that one article
she found in her stupid magazine."

   "Fair enough."

   Denver reached for the oreo package in my hands.  I pulled it away, then
swung it behind my back.

   "Uh uh.  What are you gonna trade me for them?"

   Denver gave me a disbelieving look.  "You're gonna demand compensation
now?"

   "At least a finder's fee."

   It wasn't clear whether my brother was going to get annoyed, start
negotiating, or possibly just tackle me and steal my prize.  After an
uncertain moment, his lips quirked into a sly smile.

   "I got something," he said.  "But it's something I already did."

   I frowned.  "What does that mean?  And if you already did it, how does
that make for a fair trade?"

   "Well...  let's just say that the latest issue of Mom's health magazine
might have...  failed to reach her."

   My eyes slowly widened as I parsed Denver's implication.  "You mean you
swiped it before she saw it?"

   "I can neither confirm nor deny such an accusation."

   He stepped toward me, got very close to the point we were almost
touching.  His arm snaked around my body and grabbed the bag of cookies. 
For a second or two his face was as near to mine as it had probably ever
been.  His eyes were impossibly devious and bright, and his breath was hot
on my cheek.  Then he stepped back again, nutritionally deficient snack
within his grasp.

   "Thanks," he said.  "I'll get out of your hair now."

   Denver retreated back downstairs.  I watched after him until his
footsteps had receded from hearing distance, then reluctantly went back to
the living room.  He'd actually taken the whole package of cookies, the
fucker.  I still wanted more of them.

   Now that I knew my brother was home, I was much less interested in my
work.  Losing my snack and music didn't help.  Both could be retrieved with
minor effort, but my heart wasn't in it.  Besides, I'd done pretty good
already.  Most of my homework was finished.

   I didn't even sit down before I was back out of the living room again.
That wasn't where I wanted to be right now.  I opened the door to the
basement and belatedly followed Denver down to his room.

   Denver's door was closed.  There was no sound from inside.  I hesitated,
then knocked softly.  When there was no immediate response, I knocked
louder.

   "Yeah?  What?"

   "It's me.  Can I come in?"

   "Sure."

   My brother was at his computer.  He had a big pair of headphones on, and
was focused fairly intently on his screen.  He glanced at me as I came in.

   "You need something?" he asked.

   "No.  Not really."

   After a moment, the view on Denver's monitor shifted from a gun to a
corpse.  He'd been shot, I assumed.  I didn't do so well at following his
games.  He pulled his headphones off and set them on his desk.

   "Sorry, what?" he said.

   "Nothin'."

   "Nothin'?"

   "Well...  I dunno.  You wanna hang out?"

   Denver snorted.  "I'm in the middle of a match here, Relly."

   His disembodied gun started floating around again.  The change in his
attention was obvious.  At least he could hear me now.

   "How long you gonna be?"

   "I dunno.  Five minutes?  Ten maybe?"

   "'K."

   I wandered around the room while I waited.  Denver looked over his
shoulder at me from time to time when he got the chance.  He shook his head
once, but didn't say anything about it.

   "How come you wear those headphones while you're playing?" I asked out
of idle curiosity.  "You're not bothering anyone down here.  You could just
use your speakers."

   "I could.  But the thing is, you see, with headphones I can hear
directionality better."

   "What?"

   Denver sighed.  "I can hear which direction shots and footsteps and
things are coming from.  It's better."

   "Oh.  I guess that makes sense.  But doesn't that mean you're at a
disadvantage now?"

   "Yep."

   I smirked.  "What, don't trust me in your room?"

   "More like if I put them back on, you're still gonna try talking to me.
It's not worth it."

   I stuck my tongue out at the back of my brother's head.  It was a wasted
gesture, unfortunately.

   I browsed through Denver's stuff rather more overtly than I usually
would have.  Partly I was just trying to get his attention, and not
succeeding very well.  Partly, too, a lot of it was interesting, in its own
boring way.  Like a whole series of fantasy novels that were each long
enough to put me in a coma by themselves, let alone the entire collection.
Or the small stash of chocolate bars he had hidden behind some old
textbooks on a low shelf.

   "Please stop poking around everywhere," Denver finally said.  "I'm
almost done.  I swear."

   "Why?  Afraid I'll find your porn?"

   "What year are you living in?  You think I have...  what, magazines or
something?"

   "I dunno.  Maybe?" I sighed dramatically.  "What's the world coming to
when boys don't even keep embarrassing literature for family members to
awkwardly stumble upon."

   "Yeah.  That's a real shame."

   I'd never actually suspected that there would be physical magazines
lying around.  Somehow, though, now that I'd put the idea in my own head, I
was disappointed that there was no chance of finding anything of the sort.
Probably that was a weird thing to feel.  I just wanted something to tease
my brother about was all.

   I flopped back onto Denver's bed.  The mattress bounced nicely beneath
me.  There wasn't much chance of me finding anything to bug him about, not
really.  If he had anything worth hiding, a casual inspection wasn't likely
to uncover it.

   One of the ceiling tiles above me was slightly out of place.  There was
the slightest of gaps where it should have fit snugly into place.  At first
I just wondered if the disturbance in an otherwise perfect pattern bothered
Denver when he was lying in bed.  Then, after a moment of reflection, I
realized that he might have actually been the one responsible.

   I stood up on the bed.  As much as I stretched, I could only just brush
the tile with my finger tips.  Possibly I could scoot the tile back with
enough effort, but I was certain that Denver could reach just enough
farther that he could get whatever he'd hidden up there.

   "Hey!  Get down from there!"

   Denver's shout startled me, and I almost lost my balance.

   "What's in the ceiling, Den?"

   "Nothing.  Don't stand on my bed."

   Denver got up and came over to me.  He grabbed my waist and wrestled me
down onto my butt.

   "You've got something up there.  I wanna know what it is."

   "No I don't.  And even if I did, hiding it up there would mean that I
didn't want you finding it.  Honestly, what's gotten into today that you'd
snoop through my stuff like this?"

   I shrugged.  "M'just bored."

   "Really?  Because it seems like you didn't get 'bored' until you
realized I was home."

   I squirmed awkwardly.  "So what?  Maybe I was bored and just didn't have
anyone to hang with?"

   "Yeah.  Maybe.  But I think I can count the number of times you've
invaded my space like this in the past year on one hand.  You've been
acting different lately."

   "We both have," I mumbled.  "S'not just me."

   "Oh." Denver sat down next to me.  "It's about 'that', is it?"

   "I dunno.  Maybe?"

   "If it's bothering you, we can stop...  you know, whatever it is we're
doing."

   "Which is what, exactly?"

   Denver threw his hands up.  "Fuck if I know."

   "Yeah.  Basically yeah."

   "But we can stop.  We totally can."

   "And go back to not doing much of anything together?"

   I pulled my knees up to my chest.  I huddled in the comfort of my own
body.  It wasn't like I'd meant to get all deep and sorrowful, it had just
happened.  Now I didn't know what to do with it.

   "You don't have to take your pants off to get me to hang out with you,"
Denver said softly.

   "But it helps," I said in an equally quiet voice.

   Denver half-smiled.  "It does help," he agreed.

   He trailed his fingertips lightly along the side of my calf.  I could
barely even feel his touch through my jeans.  I relaxed my legs and let
them fall flat on the bed.  Denver's finger moved to my inner thigh, though
still I couldn't really feel them very well.

   "Alright," I said.  "I can take a hint." I stood up and undid the front
of my jeans.

   "I swear I wasn't pushing for anything.  You don't have to."

   I stopped with the waist of my pants only just started to be pushed
down. "So now you don't wanna see?"

   "I didn't say that."

   "Well you're sending mixed signals.  That's not the way to make a girl
feel special, you know."

   Denver gave me a lopsided look.  "Relly," he said.  "Take your pants off
for me."

   A little thrill went through me.  It wasn't anywhere near a domineering
tone, but it was more of a command than I was used to from my brother.

   "Or what?" I asked.

   Denver arched an eyebrow.  "Or I'll take them off for you."

   My breath caught for a second and a shiver ran up my spine.  I believed
that he would forcibly de-pants me if I forced the issue.  I was
practically daring him to.

   Ever-so-slowly, I pushed my jeans down my legs.  I bent over and partly
covered myself with my upper body as I got farther down toward my ankles.
Finally I straightened up and kicked my feet free.  I felt extra
self-conscious because there was absolutely nothing else going on to
attract Denver's attention.  It was just me, my bare legs, and my little
panties.

   "You know something?  You're hands down the hottest sister I have,"
Denver said.

   I brushed my hair back to cover a smile.  "You doof.  I'm the only
sister you have."

   "Doesn't make me wrong."

   "No, but...  it doesn't technically mean anything."

   "Maybe not technically.  How 'bout you take it however you want, then."

   I nodded seriously.  "Good.  I'm going to assume you're totally smitten
with me."

   I retook my seat on the bed next to my brother.  I leaned back and
propped myself up with my arms.  My smooth, bare legs stuck straight out in
front of me.  The one closest to Denver was deliberately almost, but not
quite, touching his knee.

   "Right," he said.  "Smitten."

   "It's the only reasonable assumption."

   "I bet."

   Denver's fingers returned to my leg.  They started at my knee and did
slow, parabolic loops from my upper calf to lower thigh.  I could feel
everything now, every whisper of his skin on mine.  His touch was, if
anything, even lighter then before.  The uncommon delicacy he used made it
feel like even more of an intimate gesture than if he'd just put his hand
full on me.  It was an acknowledgement of sorts that we shouldn't really be
doing what we were doing.

   "Now what are you going to do with me?" I asked.

   "What makes you think I'm going to do anything?  We're just hanging out,
aren't we?"

   "Do you 'just hang out' with a lot of pantsless girls?"

   "Not so much, no."

   "Well what would you do with one of them, then?"

   Denver raised an eyebrow.  "Is that a serious question?"

   "I guess not.  That's kind of an obvious one, huh."

   "Kinda, yeah."

   Denver trailed his fingertips higher up my leg.  I tried to stay relaxed
and perfectly still at the same time.

   "Would you play this fingertip game with them?"

   "The hypothetical 'them,' you mean?  Maybe I would.  If they were being
coy."

   His fingers brushed the edge of my panties, just for an instant.  Then
they retreated further down my leg again.

   "You think I'm being coy?"

   "No.  I think you're my sister."

   "I could be both."

   "You could."

   I watched Denver's face as we spoke.  He looked back at mine at times,
at others he examined my near-bottomless lower half.  I had his full
attention, anyway.

   "How long before you'd try to get in their panties?"

   "These imaginary other girls' panties?"

   "Still them."

   "It would depend on how they reacted."

   Again Denver touched my panties, and he stayed on them this time.  First
just at the edges, teasing the threat of venturing out more boldly. 
Slowly, so painfully slowly, he crept nearer to the forbidden zone.

   "And what if they didn't react?"

   I met Denver's eyes.  We stared straight at each other even while his
hand slid to a place it was never meant to be.  I bit my lip and held my
breath as I felt the exquisite pressure of his touch on my pussy.  A thin
strip of material kept us technically separated, but it was a very small
technicality.

   "I might take that as a sign to keep going," Denver whispered.  "If a
girl wanted me to stop at this point, she should probably say something to
that effect."

   I had to start breathing again, but my lips remained resolutely sealed.
It was true I wasn't saying anything to stop him.  That wasn't quite the
same as giving him permission, or asking him to do anything, but I was
hardly an innocent.  I was more than playing along; in many ways it was my
game.  I just wasn't quite sure what game it was, or what the rules were.

   Regardless of my internal confusion or my external air of indifference,
Denver's fingers never stopped.  His little circles had become far more
interesting now that he'd reached such a sensitive area.  The pressure of
his touch had increased as well.  It felt...  nice.  Not amazing or
life-changing, nor indeed dirty or shameful.  It was simply a pleasant
sensation, and I was happy to let my brother keep doing it.

   "You're getting hard," I said.  "I can see it."

   Denver's fingers hesitated just for a split-second.  "Should I take my
pants off too?"

   I thought about it, then shook my head.  "No.  I don't think so.  I'm
not ready for that."

   Denver gave me a curious look.  "Why?  It wouldn't have to mean
anything. Nothing more than your pants being off." He paused.  "Or is it
because I'd be hard, and it'd be...  quite visible."

   "Partly, I guess.  Mostly it's just different.  I'm used to being looked
at and it not meaning anything to me.  It just happens.  But when I look...
it means something.  You know?"

   "Not really."

   I looked away.  "Maybe that's silly.  I mean we're...  we're doing kinda
bad things already, aren't we?"

   Denver shook his head firmly.  "Doesn't have to be bad.  Doesn't have to
be anything.  We're just, like, hanging out."

   That was totally false.  We weren't just hanging out.  But...  it was a
convenient story to tell ourselves.  That was not without value.

   "Alright." I nodded.  "Hanging out."

   "One of us more than the other," Denver said under his breath.

   My brother's touch became surer and firmer as the minutes passed. 
Partly I had the sense that he was waiting for me to decide it was too
much, or that it needed to stop.  Another, smaller part of me felt like I
was being seduced.  If Denver rubbed me only a tiny little bit harder at a
time, then I could hardly find any reason to protest.  If that was, in
fact, his plan, then it was working.  He was practically masturbating me
through my panties, and I was reclining casually like nothing was
happening.

   The feigned nonchalance got harder and harder to maintain.  Denver was
doing things to me that made me want to react.  I wanted to move my hips,
maybe press more firmly against his hand.  I wanted more, essentially. 
There was no way I could say so without letting him know how much he was
getting to me.  It would have meant dropping the pretense, and I wasn't
ready for that.

   It took an awful lot of effort to remain still and outwardly unaffected.
My panties were damp; I could feel it without looking.  Denver knew it too,
or I assumed he did because all he was doing was staring at and touching my
pussy by that point.  Other than that, I gave him no sign that I was
enjoying his touch.  It was important to me for some reason; like somehow
it made everything else ok.

   Denver pulled the top of my panties down just far enough for the top of
my slit to peek out.  He did it so smoothly that I didn't even realize it
until a few seconds later.  I bit my lip hard enough to actually hurt to
stop from gasping at the audacity of it.

   "No hair, huh?" he said.

   "Fucking perv."

   "That's where the perv line is at now, is it?"

   I turned my head away.  "Whatever." Then, because I felt compelled to
explain myself.  "I just like the way it looks better."

   "Me too.  I'm just a little surprised you'd go through the effort,
unless...  there was someone worth putting in the effort for."

   I flushed.  It really had nothing to with Denver, but now he probably
thought it did.  Or maybe he'd think it was about another boy.  I wasn't
sure which was worse.

   "Not everything's about the way I look to other people, you know."

   "Sure, sure.  But how much time do you really spend looking at...."

   "My vagina?" I looked Denver dead in the eye, using the full extent of a
sudden burst of confidence.  I'd detected some hesitation in his speech,
and it reassured me that I wasn't any more out of my depth than he was. 
"Fine.  You're right.  I don't look at it that much."

   I was gratified that my brother was the one to redden and turn away this
time.  It was actually kind of adorable, though I wasn't in quite the right
mood to appreciate it.

   "That's ok," he said.  "I just--"

   "I like the way it feels, ok?"

   Denver was blushing furiously.  I smiled in the satisfaction that was
winning this round.  Whatever that meant.

   "I like it too," he said quietly.

   His fingers slipped into my panties.  I wasn't prepared for it even
though I'd spent the last several minutes wondering if he'd actually go
that far.  Turned out he would.  I couldn't stifle my gasp fast enough this
time.  My brother was actually touching me directly; nothing between us.  I
closed my eyes and leaned back a little more.

   "Relly!"

   My eyes flashed open.  Mom's voice from upstairs?  What-

   "Relly!  Are you downstairs?!"

   "Fuck!  Fuck fuck fuck." I scrambled off the bed and away from Denver's
exquisitely sinful caress.  "Fucking goddamn fuck."

   My pants wouldn't cooperate and it took me far longer to pull them on
that it should have.  Denver watched impassively from his seat on the bed.

   "That's some timing," he said.

   "Don't start with me."

   "I wasn't.  I was just saying--"

   "Fuckfuckfuck.  Jesus fuck."

   I was still swearing as I climbed the stairs.  My voice grew quieter
until it was less than a whisper by the time I made it back to the main
floor.  Of course I couldn't be allowed to just experience the moment.  Of
course I couldn't actually have something that felt nice.  That wasn't how
my life went.  Maybe Fay had been right all those times she talked about me
needing a boy.  Obviously this wasn't quite what she meant, but still.

   "What, Mom?"

   I carefully modulated my tone so that it came out curious rather than
irritated.  I could only imagine trying to explain that she'd interrupted
my very first fingering from my brother.  The thought actually gave me
pause.  First fingering?  Like there'd be a second?  I had to shake the
thought from my head.  I couldn't handle it right now.

   "Did you leave this mess all over the living room?"

   Aw, shit.  I'd laid the foundation for my own ruin.  That seemed about
right.

   "Yeah, sorry.  I was doing homework, and I just went to take a
break...." I sighed.  "Sorry.  I'll clean it up."

   Mom's face softened and she shook her head.  "No, don't worry about it.
It's ok if it's for school.  I shouldn't have yelled for you.  It should
have been obvious that's what it was." She waved her hand at my books and
papers.  "I just came home and saw a disaster area, is all."

   "Uh...  ok then."

   I rubbed my arm awkwardly.  I was still on edge from Denver rubbing me,
and I desperately wanted to run back downstairs and make him do it some
more.  For various reasons, that was out of the question.  The moment had
passed, and I didn't want Mom to wonder why I was so eager to hang out in
my brother's room.

   "I'm sorry if I've been too hard on you lately, sweetie," Mom said.

   "Nah, it's fine."

   "I don't think it is.  But then, I find it's very hard to read you these
days.  It was so much easier when you were little."

   I pushed my hair back and shrugged.  "I mean, I guess I could use more
space sometimes.  And about my name...."

   Mom's shoulders sagged slightly.  "I know, you don't like it.  I really
wish you'd give it more of a chance.  It's such a beautiful name."

   "I've had eighteen years to 'give it a chance,' Mom.  Being named after
a Disney princess is never gonna be my thing."

   "Oh, now...." Mom took a breath.  "You know very well you're named after
your great-grandmother."

   "Yeah, and maybe it was fine back in her day.  Not very many
'Esmeraldas' around anymore, gotta tell ya."

   For lack of anything better to do, I got down on my knees and started
gathering up my things.  Mom knelt down next to me and helped.

   "You know why we started calling you Relly, don't you?"

   "'Cause of Den, right?"

   "That's right.  He couldn't pronounce your name at first.  Called you
'Ess-muh-relly.' We had to shorten it for him, poor little guy."

   I smiled at the thought of my tiny brother trying to work his way
through my monstrosity of a name.  "Thank goodness he wasn't a speech
prodigy."

   Mom looked askance at me, but she was still smiling and didn't chastise
me again.  "I love you, you know," she said.

   "I know, Mom.  Love you too."

   ****

   Denver didn't join me for nighttime tv watching.  I couldn't really
blame him, but it still stung a little.  It felt like a rejection of some
sort, even though I was, like, ninety-five percent sure it wasn't.  Maybe
things were just a bit too weird for him, or maybe....

   I giggled to myself at the thought that my big brother was in his room
jerking off while thinking about me.  It was such an absurd image in my
head.  He'd gotten a decent feel of my pussy, and maybe that would be
enough.  I wasn't really entirely certain how it worked with boys and their
masturbation habits.

   There was no way, though.  No way Denver had locked himself in his room
and stripped down, then lay back on his bed and thought about me.  No way.
Probably.

   I drove myself kind of crazy obsessing over the possibility.  And for
all that, I wasn't sure how I felt about it.  After the initial amusement
wore off, it actually made me a little bit anxious.  Like, how fucked up
did it make me that I was thinking so much about it.  Even worse, what kind
of girl actually just sat still and let her brother finger her?

   I poured myself a whole hand of scotch and sat by myself in a dark
living room.  I sipped my drink and browsed Netflix for something to take
my attention off my actual life.  A show about a mom who starts eating
people saved the day.  It was funnier than it had a right to be, and
actually got me laughing despite my turbulent emotional state.

   It just wasn't the same by myself.  It was still fun, but a couple
evenings with Denver had spoiled me.  I liked sitting, and sometimes
cuddling, with my brother.  I liked sharing one of my favourite shows with
him.  It was going to really, really suck if it turned out that had been
ruined.

   ****

   At school the next day, I had a few problems.  I'd managed to skip
breakfast due to sheer lack of time, and didn't have any food with me for
much the same reason.  My other, somewhat related problem, was my best
friend.

   "There is no way I'm letting you eat cafeteria food," Fay told me.

   She physically blocked my path, and I didn't feel up to forcing my way
past her.  My tummy was seriously complaining, and I was too cranky from
low blood sugar to finesse my way through.

   "I understand what you're saying," I said.  "Normally I wouldn't.  But I
NEED to eat."

   "Then we'll go somewhere.  Even fast food's better than the shit they
serve here.  I tried the pizza once...." Fay stopped and shuddered at the
memory.

   "I know.  I was there.  It was...  disturbing."

   "So you see my point." Fay took my arm and pointed adventurously
forward. "To the car!"

   "M'not supposed to," I mumbled.  "Don't have permission to leave school
grounds and whatever."

   "Oh, pff.  No one checks.  Long as you're back for next period, you're
golden."

   "I don't know...." My tummy grumbled audibly, rather undercutting my
argument.  "Alright, fine.  But we're gonna be quick, right?"

   "In and out.  Promise."

   And that was how I found myself being driven out of the school parking
lot in the middle of the day.  It wasn't a particularly rebellious gesture
in the overall scheme of things.  Next to getting seriously felt up by my
brother, it shouldn't have even registered.  In the moment, however, it was
just one more abnormality I had to try and reconcile with my internal
vision of what my life was.

   My hunger ended up overwhelming my other concerns by the time we made it
to the nearest fast food place.  I was out of Fay's car and heading for the
entrance before she'd shut off the engine.  She only caught up with me
because I had to wait in line behind someone before I got to the counter.

   "Two burgers," I said once it was my turn.

   The guy behind the counter tilted his head slightly.  "Ok, what kind--"

   "Two burgers.  Quickly please.  You have no idea how little I care
what's on them."

   "I don't want a burger, actually," Fay said.

   "That's fine.  I--"

   "I'll have fries, I think.  Maybe a medium order of fries."

   "Ok, but--"

   "Or a large?  Do you want any fries, Relly?  We could split them."

   I turned back to the bemused cashier.  "Two burgers and a large fries."
I held out a twenty dollar bill.  "Here is a money.  Please put the damn
order in.  You haven't pressed any buttons yet."

   "Well--" said the burger guy.

   "Maybe a diet coke too," mused Fay.  "I could go for--"

   "Fay, I'm going to gnaw off your arm if you don't shut up and let me get
my food."

   "So, two plain hamburgers, a large fries, and a diet coke?" said the
guy. "Is that right?"

   "Yes, thanks," I said, still hopefully thrusting my money at him.

   "What size drink would you like?"

   I stared at him in a mixture of hatred and amazement that I couldn't get
a simple order through.  Fay was losing it behind me.  I tried in vain to
ignore her stifled giggling.

   The girl at the next register had become free, so I slid over in front
of her instead.

   "Two regular hamburgers, one large fries, one diet coke, and please
don't ask any questions," I said.  "Here is a money for your magic money
box."

   The girl looked at me like I was mildly insane, but punched in my order
and made change without any fuss.  I decided she was my new best friend.

   I tore into my first burger as soon as I sat down at one of the tables.
Fay was still terribly pleased with herself.  She nibbled at her french
fries and sipped her coke while she watched me devour my food.

   "Did you know you go slightly feral when you haven't eaten?" she asked.

   "Seems that way.  God, I hope those guys at the counter don't think I'm
too crazy."

   "I can't imagine that you even break the top ten weirdest encounters
this week.  Customers are fucked up, dude."

   "Uh huh."

   I slowed down halfway through the second burger.  I switched to picking
at the fries to give my tummy time to settle out a bit.

   "Your mystery boy's still giving you trouble, huh?" Fay said as she
played with her straw.

   "Why are you inferring that from my being hungry?"

   "Because something's clearly throwing off your whole rhythm."

   "My rhythm?"

   "Your routine.  Your ability to look after yourself."

   I poked a french fry into the ketchup and swirled it around a little. 
Fay knew me too damn well.  It would be nice sometimes if she wouldn't poke
around in every little trouble I had.

   "Ok, you're right.  It's the boy thing again."

   "Knew it.  Did you go on a date yet?"

   "I told you it wasn't that kind of relationship."

   Fay shrugged.  "Mighta changed since last time."

   She wasn't wrong, exactly.  Things had changed.  Just...  not in the way
she probably assumed.  The important question was whether or not I should
tell Fay about any of the stuff that had happened.  I needed to get it out
of my head, but I also desperately needed no one to ever find out how I'd
let my brother touch me.

   "Nope," I said.  "Still not my boyfriend."

   "Why not?"

   "Because.  Alright?"

   Fay took another sip of her drink, eyeing me all the while.  Her
soul-staring was a bit unnerving.

   "Do you want him to be?"

   I opened my mouth to answer 'no' immediately, but I didn't quite get
there.  I hesitated and thought about it for a few seconds before realizing
that my first instinct had been correct.  Of course I didn't want to date
my brother.

   "No," I said.

   "Are you sure?  You don't seem sure."

   "He can't be my boyfriend, and neither of us want that anyway."

   "I see.  He's already married?"

   I flicked a small fry at my friend's face.  "Don't start guessing, Fay,
or I'm going to have to stop talking to you about this."

   "Fair enough.  Do I at least get a hint as to what happened this time? I
can't help if I've got no info to work with."

   The remaining half of my second burger was getting cold in front of me.
I thought about taking another bite just to buy time, but my sanity and
appetite had returned mostly to normal, and it just didn't look appealing
anymore.

   "Something happened," I said.  "And it's not really important what it
was.  I just haven't seen him since then, and I'm a little scared
everything's ruined."

   "Oh, honey...." Fay reached across the table and gave my hand a squeeze.
"Did you have a fight?"

   "No."

   "But everything's possibly ruined?"

   "I mean, probably not.  I just need to see him again.  Maybe I should
call."

   I brightened up a little as the completely obvious solution occurred to
me.  I absolutely could just call Denver and see what he was feeling.  Or
text him, maybe, so I didn't appear like I needed immediate reassurance.

   "So, don't get mad at this question..." Fay said.

   "God, that's ominous."

   "It was a sex thing, wasn't it?"

   "Fay...."

   "No, listen though.  If it is, and you don't have to confirm it because
I'm, like, ninety-five percent sure it is, then you've got nothing to worry
about."

   "Alright.  I'll bite.  How do you figure that?"

   Fay smiled and pushed her drink aside.  "I'm glad you asked."

   "And suddenly I'm not."

   "Oh, hush." Fay cleared her throat.  "So you did sexy stuff with a boy.
Doesn't really matter what it was, though I think it's safe to guess that
wasn't full sex or anything."

   "What's that supposed to mean?"

   "It means I know you.  Anyway, you do whatever you did, then presumably
you don't get a chance to talk about what happened with your boy-toy
afterward.  Hence your current anxiety."

   I nodded.  That was fair enough, except for the 'boy-toy' thing.

   "Here's the secret," Fay continued.  "You're thinking about this
encounter emotionally, or maybe logically.  Guarantee you your boy's only
thinking about how hot it was."

   "Fuck's sake.  That's your big reassuring speech?  Boys think with their
dicks?  Great.  What a revelation."

   I slumped back in my seat and pushed my hair back with both hands.  I
didn't know what I'd expected from Fay, but certainly something more than
'boys like doing sexy things.'

   "See, I don't think you're thinking this all the way through," said Fay.
"You've got the pieces, but they aren't in quite the right places." She
moved her hands around the table, illustrating her points.  "Boys like
their penises played with.  They also like hot girls.  And then you put
those together, and--"

   "Never touched his penis," I mumbled.

   "Oh." Fay faltered for a moment.  "Not even grinding on it a little?"

   "He touched me.  That's all.  And I just let him.  And we shouldn't have
done it.  I don't know what's going on with me."

   I almost felt like crying, but I wasn't that out of control.  Especially
to do it in a public place like that.  There was something about admitting
my worries out loud that made my emotions more intense, was all.

   Fay scooted around to my side of the table.  She put her arm around me
and held me.  It was a comforting sort of half-hug.  It calmed me down a
little.

   "Relly?" Fay said softly.  "He didn't...  force anything, did he?"

   "God no." My eyes went wide for a second as I thought I'd described
events much differently than I meant to.  I relaxed when I realized Fay was
just making sure I was ok.  "No, he didn't force me to do anything.  He'd
never do something like that."

   "Ok.  So you wanted this to happen?"

   I wriggled awkwardly against my friend, trying to worm my way out of the
situation.  "I don't know, exactly.  I guess I must have."

   "Did it feel good?"

   I nodded a little too quickly.  "Yeah.  It was nice."

   "Did he make you cum?"

   "Jesus, Fay."

   I pulled out of her embrace and tried to hide my face.  It felt like it
was bright red, though I hoped it wasn't quite that obvious.

   "So no, huh?  That's ok." Fay returned to the other side of the table.
"There's always next time."

   "That's what I'm trying to tell you.  I don't know if there's going to
be a next time.  I don't know if he wants it, and...  I don't know if I do
either."

   "Yes you do."

   "What?"

   "You do know.  You just don't want to admit it to me, or even yourself,
I suspect.  You wouldn't be this upset over something that felt nice but
you didn't really want to do again."

   "That's...  actually kind of a good point."

   "Damn right it is."

   "So then, like, what do I do?"

   "Hard to say specifically without more details.  In general, just act
normal and do the same kinda stuff you did before.  It already worked
once."

   I nodded like I understood, but there was still some internal conflict.
If I followed Fay's advice, it'd essentially be a matter of seducing my
brother into something fairly immoral.  Our games weren't innocent anyway,
but the pretense made it easier to rationalize.  'Oops, my pants are off
and you're touching me' was different from 'I took my pants off, please
touch me.'

   "We should get back to school," I said.

   Fay stopped me as I started to gather up our trash.  "Hate to break it
to you, but we're already late for our next class."

   "Son of a bitch.  How did that happen?"

   "Your stuff was more important.  And more interesting, for that matter."
Fay leaned back, unconcerned.  "We might as well just chill and catch the
next one.  Skipping one won't hurt anything."

   "I hate how easy this stuff comes for you.  Did I ever mention that?"

   "Once or twice."

   "Well...  good.  Just so long as you're aware."

   ****

   I spent the rest of the school day, what little I attended, trying to
figure out what I was actually going to do about Denver.  The only thing
I'd really decided was that I had to do something.  My sanity depended on
it.

   Fay made it sound easy, but then making things sound easy was very much
her thing.  The only thing that kept me from strangling her sometimes was
the knowledge that she wasn't always as confident as she acted.  I'd known
her long enough to know that her in panic mode and her in calm, relaxed
mode looked very similar most of the time.

   So part of the question became how much of Fay's advice did I take as a
hundred percent accurate, and how much did I view with suspicion?  It was
easy enough in theory to say that I should just march up to my brother in
my underwear and shove his hand down my panties.  It might even work in
reality.  He was a boy, after all.

   I didn't like putting my faith in such a hit or miss scheme.  I either
wanted a sure thing, or I needed to be tentative and testing.  That's what
had worked for me so far; things had built up slowly until Denver was
rubbing my pussy and neither of us were freaking out about it.  Well, not
in the moment, anyway.  Afterward was a different story.  And, I reminded
myself, that was only because I hadn't had a chance to gauge his feelings.
It had nothing to do with the event itself.

   By the time I got home, I was settled on a discussion with Denver at the
earliest opportunity.  I didn't want to avoid him, or throw my vagina in
his face.  There was a nice middle ground in there somewhere, and that
seemed the best place to be.

   The first thing I did was slip downstairs and see if my brother was in
his room.  I heard his very muffled voice from outside his closed door, and
I assumed he must be talking to someone online; probably in a game.  I
almost knocked on his door, then stopped and reconsidered.

   After a moment standing there like and idiot, I turned around and raced
back upstairs.  If I was going to talk to Denver, I needed to do it right.
Just because I didn't listen to everything Fay said didn't mean I couldn't
extrapolate some of her best advice to use to my advantage.

   I shed my pants as soon as I got to my room, then switched my panties
out for what I thought were a slightly sexier pair.  I really needed some
actual sexy panties.  There'd never been much of a use for them before. 
Fay'd take me shopping for some if I asked.  That was something to worry
about later.

   My hair needed a little fixing, and I adjusted it in the mirror.  Then I
decided I was as ready as I could get, and had hit just about the perfect
middle ground between innocent sister, and slightly-less-innocent playful
girl.

   I snuck downstairs for the second time.  I felt attractive enough to
boost my confidence, and bold enough to simply walk in and demand my
brother's attention.  So that was what I did.

   "Hey, Den," I said in what I hoped was a casual tone.  "I wanted to...
talk...  to...."

   Denver stared at me.  I stared back.  It was the briefest of moments,
but felt like much longer.

   "Fuckshitsorry," I blurted, then turned and slammed the door closed
again.

   I put my back against the closed door and slid down until my butt
touched the floor.  What the actual fuck had I just seen?  The sounds of my
brother finally coming back to life, and his barely audible swearing
filtered through from inside his room as I tried to process.

   Denver had been at his computer, as expected.  But he hadn't been
playing any kind of video game.  He'd appeared mostly normal at first,
until I realized he wasn't wearing anything below the waist.  It was
amazing that there had been a second or two before I'd noticed that.  In
retrospect, it felt like there'd been a big, neon sign pointing out my
brother's exposed cock.

   I slowly pieced it together from memory fragments that didn't quite want
to line up without some effort on my part.  There'd been a half-naked girl
on Denver's computer screen, so that was probably who he was talking to. 
Their combined nudity and his erection implied a sexy chat of some kind. 
But he hadn't been jerking off, and he was doing something down-

   "Eeeek!" I squealed in a very undignified manner as the door I was
leaning against swung open and I fell back.

   Denver looked down at me with an unreadable expression.  He had boxers
on now, at least, or the view would have been far more disconcerting for
me. I could still make out his cock somewhat since his erection hadn't
entirely faded away yet.

   Denver jerked his head toward his bed.  "Come on," he said.

   "Wait, no.  I didn't mean to, like, interrupt.  Or whatever."

   "Yeah, well, you kinda did."

   "Oh.  Sorry.  Is your, uh...  lady friend gone?"

   Denver snorted.  "Yeah.  My 'lady friend' is gone."

   I got to my feet, feeling absolutely horrible.  In all my worrying, it
had never occurred to me that there'd be another girl in the picture.  That
made things far more complicated, even if she wasn't physically present.

   Denver closed the door behind us.  He took a seat on his bed.  I wasn't
sure what to do with myself, whether to sit or stand.

   "Was that your girlfriend?" I asked in a low, mumbled voice.

   "Relly, sit."

   I took a few hesitant steps closer, then sat on the edge of Denver's
mattress, about as far from him as I could.

   "I know it's not really my business," I said.  "I'm just asking 'cause
if she is--"

   "She's not.  She's just someone I...  do weird shit with sometimes."

   "Oh."

   "Never actually met her except for online."

   "So you guys just...  what, like, take your clothes off on webcam?"

   "Basically, yeah.  I mean, we talk and stuff too.  We've kinda become
friends, actually."

   I nodded like I understood.  I scratched at an imaginary itch on my
wrist, and for a moment I focused on the back of my hand like there was
something fascinating about it.  I just couldn't bring myself to meet my
brother's eyes.

   "Den?"

   "Yeah?"

   "When I came in...  did you have a thing in your butt?"

   Denver didn't say anything at first.  I folded my arms and turned my
head fully away from him.  This was so not how this conversation was
supposed to be going.

   "Well, I did tell you we did weird shit," he said softly.

   "Oh."

   "Look, I know it's fucked.  And if you're grossed out, I totally
understand.  But please don't judge me too much for it.  It's not even
something I'm that into."

   My head whipped back around.  "I don't think you're gross."

   "You don't?"

   "No.  Why would you think that?"

   "Because...." Denver's hands moved back and forth as he attempted to
nonverbally explain something that he couldn't find the words for.  "Shit,
Relly.  You caught me doing weird butt stuff, then you got all freaked out.
Explain to me how you don't think it's gross."

   I'd been on the verge of fleeing the room in tears, but now I was able
to manage a faint smile.  "Den, you doofus.  I don't care what you're into.
You thought I'd get upset over something like that?"

   "I'm still not understanding something."

   "I'm saying I don't care what you put in your own body.  That's up to
you."

   "No, no.  I get that.  I mean, I want to discuss it further, but mostly
I want to know what the hell you're upset about if it's got nothing to do
with what you saw."

   I bit my lip and turned my gaze downward.  "I didn't say that had
nothing to do with it."

   "You're going in circles now."

   "That's 'cause it's hard."

   "Hard to talk about?"

   "Yeah."

   Denver slid closer to me on the bed.  I fidgeted with my fingers.  His
hand landed on my shoulder, and I had a brief, insane urge just to bury my
face in his shoulder and hug him until I fell asleep.

   "Well you know one of my embarrassing secrets now," he said.  "Does that
help?"

   I managed a fake chuckle.  "As if that's the only one I know about."

   "Fair enough.  Is yours worse than any of mine?"

   "That depends on your perspective, I suppose."

   "So try me."

   I leaned tentatively to the side.  Denver didn't move, and I fell into
him until he was supporting my upper body.  His hand went from my shoulder
to my waist on the far side.  I drew comfort from the feel of him against
me.

   "You're the first boy who's ever touched me like that," I whispered.

   "Like wha-- oh.  Ooohhh."

   "I know it's not really a big deal.  I didn't even think I cared that
much.  But now you've got your sexy friend on the computer, and maybe other
girls too, for all I know."

   "Relly...."

   "I wasn't even sure if we should be doing that stuff anymore.  It's
kinda bad, right?  But I liked it."

   "Relly, we can still do stuff.  Nothing's changed."

   "I don't think so.  It was a little too naive of me.  Of us, I guess. 
I'm your sister, Den.  Your computer girl isn't.  You should be playing
with her, not me."

   "Jesus, Relly.  That's not...  it doesn't work like that."

   I tried to pull away, but Denver wouldn't let me go.  That was fine,
actually, since I didn't really want to leave.  I just felt I should make a
token effort.

   "Fay's always telling me I need a boy.  She's probably right." I stared
across the room at nothing as I mused out loud.  "I could find a boy to
play with.  Someone not related to me, maybe.  Someone who doesn't have
other stuff going on."

   "So you don't like that I do stuff with another girl?  Is that what this
is all about?"

   "Very much the opposite, if you were paying attention.  I think it's
great.  I want you to be happy, you know."

   "Fuck's sake." Denver sighed.  "I'm glad I only have one little sister.
I couldn't handle more of you."

   I smiled wanly.  "I know.  I'm a drag, right?"

   "You're a pain in the ass is what you are.  You come in here in your
panties, get upset when I was messing around with another girl, and you're
telling me you're only concerned about my well-being?"

   "That's not exactly--"

   I stopped.  Denver had taken his free hand and placed it squarely on my
nearest breast.  His palm and fingers gently cupped the soft, sensitive
part of me.

   "Not what?" he asked.

   "You're touching my boob."

   "I know.  What were you gonna say?"

   "Nevermind that.  Why are you grabbing my boob?"

   "You wanted me to be happy.  Your boob's making me pretty happy right
now."

   An actually, real smile fought for control of my lips.  "You fucking
perv."

   "You know it."

   Denver switched to my other breast.  He was a little more adventurous
this time, and gave it a bit of a squeeze instead of merely holding it.

   "Is this your plan, then?  You just molest me until I stop arguing?"

   "So far so good."

   "Why can't you just play with your internet friend?"

   "I told you, we never met in real life.  I've never felt her boobs."
Denver paused.  "Or her pussy, for that matter."

   "Den!"

   "What?"

   "Just...  don't say it like that.  You make me sound slutty."

   "No I don't.  I wasn't even talking about you."

   "You were making implications.  You were implying that you can do those
things with me."

   Denver arched an eyebrow and switched his hand back to my nearer breast
again.  "Relly, I just started grabbing your tits, and you haven't done a
thing to stop me.  I can't help feeling you're taking offence to entirely
the wrong things."

   I pushed Denver's arm away, a token protest to the way he was talking
about me.  He almost immediately put his hand on my bare thigh instead.  I
let it be.

   "So maybe I shouldn't let you touch me anymore," I said.

   "Yeah.  Maybe."

   Denver's fingers trailed across my skin in a delightfully promising way.
I did my usual thing of sitting rock-still.

   Of course I wasn't going to stop letting him touch me.  I was too deep
into whatever this was to quit now.  On some level, I needed to keep
playing our bizarre little game.  I needed to see where it went, and
perhaps more importantly, I craved the feeling of Denver taking advantage
of my lack of resistance.  But I still had to pretend like there were
boundaries, like he couldn't just do whatever he wanted.  I was kind of
afraid of what it would make me if I didn't.

   "I shouldn't let you touch me," I said.

   Denver shrugged.  "I might argue the point."

   His touch was warm and gentle, and very real.  He rubbed my thigh as one
might idly stroke a lover, and the connotations of such a caress weren't
lost on me.  It didn't necessarily mean anything beyond what we'd already
done, and that much was fine.  Sort of.  I liked it, anyway, and it wasn't
hurting anything.  Not really.

   "I'm your sister," I said in a low voice, offering yet another token
protest.

   "I believe I knew that already."

   "Wasn't sure if you remembered."

   Denver's hand stopped moving for a moment.  "Are you telling me to
stop?"

   I turned my head away and shrugged, acting far more indifferent than I
actually was.  For a moment I toyed with the idea of deniability..  Like,
somehow, what we were doing had nothing to do with me, I was just along for
the ride.  It felt safer that way, like I couldn't be doing anything wrong
even though I was sharing in the fun.

   Denver lifted his hand and put it back in his own lap.  The loss hit me
harder than I liked.

   I stared wide-eyed and hurt at my brother.  He met my gaze levelly.  He
silently dared me to complain.

   "I didn't say to stop," I said.

   "Yes, but you didn't say not to either."

   "Well...  you...."

   "Just say it, Relly.  Tell me what you want."

   I clenched my fists tight against the bedspread.  "I can't."

   "Why not?"

   "Because...  you already think I'm slutty.  I don't want to make it
worse."

   Denver sighed.  "I absolutely don't think that.  I wish you'd stop
saying it."

   "Yes you do.  You just wouldn't say it out loud, is all."

   "Seriously.  Neither your actions, nor the amount of guys you're messing
around with are cause for worrying about sluttiness."

   I rolled my eyes.  He had a point about the number of guys, though.  And
maybe I wasn't experienced enough in various ways to actually be much of a
slut, despite recent occurrences.  "Fine.  So what would you call me,
then?"

   Denver didn't hesitate.  "Beautiful."

   I opened my mouth, then stopped and bit my lip.  I shook my head.  "You
doofus.  That's not what I meant."

   "Well you are, though.  And doing sexy things doesn't make you slutty,
so it'd be nice if you'd stop saying that it does."

   "Even if they're with my brother?"

   "Even then."

   "Prove it."

   Denver tilted his head.  "How would I possibly prove something like
that?"

   "I dunno.  Think of something."

   To his credit, Denver thought hard.  I was more than a little regretful
that I hadn't steered him back toward feeling me up somehow, and I'd backed
myself into a corner of waiting for him to answer my stupid challenge.

   I was in a situation where more experience would have helped.  I could
have gotten what I wanted without all the metaphorical dancing around and
self-doubt.  Fay would just laugh if I tried to tell her that I had what I
wanted, then talked my way down to waiting for my boy to solve an
impossible riddle.  At least afterward she'd hug me and tell me what to do
next time, so maybe it wouldn't be all bad.

   "You can't think of anything, can you?" I asked.  I needed to get Denver
talking again, as well as get over myself enough to get him touching me
some more.

   "I had one idea," he said.  "But it's kinda bad, in most respects."

   "Oh?  Why's that?"

   "It just is."

   I wriggled impatiently.  "Well, try it anyway."

   "Ok." Denver took a breath.  "I don't make out with sluts."

   My brow wrinkled, and I went over his short statement in my head.  "What
does that--"

   Denver waited for me to start talking, then leaned in quickly and kissed
me.  My mouth was opened weirdly at first as a few errant syllables mumbled
their way out.  My face muscles relaxed semi-instinctively once I realized
what was happening.

   At first I was prepared for Denver to pull back and give me an impish
grin, like he'd played a clever trick on me.  He didn't, though.  The kiss
that I assumed was just to make a point turned into something like a real
kiss, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

   It was unclear to me whether the kiss lasted a really long time, or if
it just felt that way to me.  Perhaps unknown to my brother, it was my
first real kiss with a boy.  I didn't know what to do and wasn't prepared
for it, but it seemed like I was doing ok.  His dangerously soft lips
pressed and flexed against mine, never once giving an indication that I was
'doing it wrong.'

   I lost myself in the kiss to the extent that when it ended, I leaned
toward Denver in the hope of reattaching myself to him.  It was only a
brief lapse, but it was noticeable, and it took me a moment to recompose
myself.

   "Does that help any?" Denver asked, a vaguely amused look on his face.

   "Uh huh," I murmured uncertainly.

   "The idea was that since I kissed you--"

   "Yeah, I got it, thanks."

   "So it was kind of stupid, right?  Because--"

   "Den."

   "Yeah?"

   "Do it again."

   I wasn't sure that he would.  He'd just been making a point, after all.
It wasn't like it was really, truly, technically about the kiss itself.  I
was leaving myself vulnerable by requesting that he repeat the kiss.  He'd
know what that meant.

   At least I didn't worry that he'd think badly of me for expressing my
want aloud.  It was never sluttiness specifically that I was worried about,
but it was a convenient catch-all for various 'bad' things that might
infect my brother's opinion of me.  Good sisters didn't let their brothers
take such liberties with their bodies, after all.  Nor did they enjoy being
kissed in such an un-sibling-like manner.  But the way he'd done it had
reassured me more than he probably expected.  Sometimes stupid gestures
were important.

   After an interminably long, excruciating wait--which outside my head was
probably in the vicinity of several seconds--Denver leaned toward me again.
I was ready this time, more or less.  I still didn't really know what I was
doing, but I at least tilted my head properly and closed my eyes just
before our lips met.  That was a good start.

   Being kissed by my brother felt right in a way that I couldn't really
explain.  Maybe that was just my inexperience, maybe it would have felt
just as good with another guy.  Maybe.  All I knew was I liked it.

   "Like that?" Denver asked softly.

   "Yeah.  That was nice." I couldn't help smiling a little.  "Again?"

   Denver gave me a curious look.  "You're awfully eager all of a sudden."

   I flushed.  "So what?"

   "I'm getting very confused about what you do and don't want, and what is
and isn't ok."

   "It's...  complicated."

   "Yeah, that was kinda my point."

   I shrugged irritably, then lay back on the bed.  My shirt pulled up to
expose part of my tummy, and I didn't bother to fix it.  "I don't know,
alright?  A lot of this is new to me, and I don't know what I'm ok with. 
Especially...."

   "Especially with your brother?"

   "Yeah.  That."

   Denver shifted position to be closer to my sprawled out form.  He put
his hand on my tummy, actually pushing my shirt up even higher in the
process.  The small but distinct weight of his palm was comforting.

   "That's fair," he said.  "I don't really know how to feel about
everything either."

   "But you keep doing stuff."

   "I do." Denver nodded.  "I decided I'd regret it too much if I didn't
see where this goes."

   The meaning of my brother's words was not immediately obvious to me.  At
first I thought he just meant that he was curious, or intrigued.  But it
had to be something more substantial than that.  If he was worried about
regrets when it came to me--his little sister for fuck's sake--then he had
to be dealing with some of the same obsession and fixation that had plagued
me lately.

   "You mean that?" I asked in a shy voice.

   "Well...  yeah."

   I closed my eyes and tried to relax.  "'K"

   "'K?  'K what?"

   "As in 'ok'."

   "I know, but what...." Denver sighed.  "I don't know what you mean by
it."

   I shrugged and kept my eyes closed.  Denver's hand had slipped off my
tummy slightly, but was still mostly right where it started.  I focused on
the warmth of it, and the physical connection to my brother it represented.

   "Goddamn you're confusing sometimes," Denver said.

   "You're only just now realizing that?"

   "No.  Just making sure you're aware."

   Denver's fingers turned until they were more or less lined up with my
spine.  Ever so slowly, they crept up my tummy to just under my breasts.  I
bit my lip so hard it hurt.  He was so close.

   "Do you have a molestation fantasy or something?" Denver asked.

   "Ew, gross, Den."

   My eyes flung open, and I glared at my brother.  The mood had been
jarred, and I almost slapped his hand away again for being a doofus.

   "Well that's all I can figure.  You keep, like, being all passive and
shit.  Like you're pretending to ignore me."

   "So what if I am?  That doesn't mean you gotta make it into something
gross like that."

   "I wasn't trying to be gross.  It just freaks me out that you might,
like...  change your mind.  Or something."

   "Jesus, Den.  I don't know what I'm doing, ok?  I'm trying to figure it
out.  I'm sorry I don't know what all the right things are."

   This time I did shove his arm away.  Now I just felt stupid instead of
anxious and sexy.  I rolled off the bed and stalked to the door.  Denver
was slower to get started, but he caught up with me and slammed the door
closed again when I only just barely started to open it.

   "Don't leave," Denver said.

   "I need to go.  At least for now."

   Denver had me trapped between him and the door.  He still held it closed
with one arm, and he had to stand right behind me to be able to reach.  Our
bodies bumped together in a few places, and I was pretty sure one of them
was his dick.  Despite everything, his hardness and its implications
weren't lost on me.

   "Stay," he said, his voice a rough whisper in my ear.

   Denver's chest pressed against my back.  His free arm looped around my
waist and held me in a light grip.

   "I can't promise I'll do the right things," I said.

   "That's fair.  There probably isn't even really any right thing to do."

   "'Cause of the sibling thing?  You know that's not what I meant."

   "I do." Denver kissed my shoulder where my shirt didn't quite cover. 
"Stay anyway?"

   I nodded.  "Just for a bit."

   "Sure.  Just a bit."

   I ducked out of Denver's grasp and crawled back onto his bed.  It was
only partway through the maneuver I remembered the flimsiness of my outfit.
Denver probably got a pretty good view of my panty-clad butt wiggling
across his mattress.

   Denver sat down next to me.  I curled up on my side, with my knees
pulled loosely toward my tummy.

   "Now what?" I asked.

   "We can just hang out."

   "Oh right.  'Just hang out,' huh?"

   "Why not?"

   I turned my eyes away from Denver, just far enough to leave him in my
peripherals.  "Well, for one thing, you've still got a tent in your
underwear."

   Denver gave a lopsided grin.  "What did you expect, exactly?"

   "Nothing specific.  But we can't 'just hang out' if you're hard."

   "Well what do you want me to do about it?"

   "I dunno.  Can't you just, like, jerk off or something?"

   Denver tilted his head.  "In front of you?"

   "Ew!  No.  In the bathroom, you freak."

   "I'm not jerking off in the bathroom.  That's weird.  I'm not even sure
I could."

   "But...." I frowned.  "Don't boys do that?  Jerk off with the door
locked so no one can catch them?"

   "Why the hell would I do that when I can do it in my bedroom?  You know,
where my computer and the vast wonders of the internet are?"

   "So no one accidentally walks in on you?"

   "I...." Denver paused and scratched his chin.  "I was gonna say that's
never been an issue...."

   "'Til today."

   "Yeah.  'Til today."

   The whole sequence of catching my brother doing his weird cam-show stuff
flashed back to me.  I'd been doing so well at not thinking about it.

   "So no bathroom jerking, huh?"

   "Not so much, no."

   "Shit."

   "It'll go down on its own.  Eventually." Denver pulled his leg up to
block his erection.  "Does it really bother you that much?"

   "I don't know.  Maybe?"

   "I see.  You don't suppose there's any chance it only bothers you
because you're afraid it might not actually bother you?"

   I frowned and tried to work it out in my head.  "What?"

   "You know.  Like...  how sometimes people are homophobic because they're
afraid they might be gay."

   "Oh."

   The question sounded silly at first.  I was pretty sure I was only
bothered by my brother's cock because...  well, it was weird.  As his
sister, I shouldn't be thinking about it at all, let alone looking at it.

   The longer I thought, the less sure I became of my initial position. 
Maybe I was worried about my own reaction.  Maybe I was fine with Denver
doing or feeling things because it left me free to pretend like none of it
was a big deal to me.  If I started looking at him the wrong way, or even
touching him....

   "You might have a point," I conceded grudgingly.

   "Really?  Neat."

   "Yeah.  Great." I glanced at his leg that was shielding me from his
cock, or perhaps vice-versa.  "So now what?"

   Denver shrugged.  "I guess we wait."

   "For your stupid penis to behave?  How long is that gonna take?"

   "No idea.  Probably longer with you lying there looking all...  the way
you do."

   I smiled crookedly.  "Say it," I said softly.

   "Say what?"

   "Whatever you were gonna say about the way I look."

   Denver rolled his eyes.  He remained mute at first, but I stared him
down until he cracked.  "Looking all sexy," he finally said.  "You look
good, alright?"

   "In my panties?"

   "Yes.  In your panties."

   "Boy, Den.  A charmer like you, hard to believe you don't have a real
girl in your life."

   "Relly?"

   "Yeah?"

   "Shut the hell up."

   I chuckled softly and rolled onto my back.  I wondered idly about how
visible the outlines of my breasts were in that position.  My shirt felt
kind of tight across them.

   "Maybe you should just go ahead," I said.  "I don't plan on getting any
less sexy."

   "With you in the room?"

   "I guess.  You want me to leave?"

   "Whatever.  It's up to you."

   Despite his attempt at nonchalance, Denver appeared hesitant.  He
dropped his leg quickly enough, but his boxers didn't go anywhere.  I
pretended not to care one way or another, but I watched him fixedly from
the corner of my eye.

   "You gonna do it or what?" I asked.

   "Fuck off.  It's not that easy."

   "Well maybe cut me some slack when I'm not fully confident about
something then, hm?"

   "Fair enough."

   Denver still didn't get his cock out.  For all my waffling on the issue,
now that I'd mentally prepared myself the wait was excruciating.

   "Ok, I'm going," I said.  "This is just going to get awkward if I stay
and--"

   "Alright, alright."

   After a deep breath, Denver stood and quickly slipped his boxers off. 
While not actually the first time I'd seen it, it was the first time it was
on purpose and more than a brief glimpse.

   "Stare a little harder, why don't you?" Denver said.

   He sat on the edge of the bed, facing perpendicular to me.  His erection
jutted out at an angle from his lap.  It intrigued me more than I cared to
admit.

   "If you're allowed to stare at me, I'm allowed to stare at you," I said.

   "You got over your shyness pretty quick."

   "Yeah, well...  maybe I'm a slut after all."

   "I'm not sure you really understand what that word means."

   I went back to staring up at the ceiling, only watching my brother
peripherally.  The lack of direct observation relaxed him a little.  After
a moment to build up to it, Denver wrapped his hand around his cock and
started stroking it.

   "Wow," I blurted without fully meaning to.

   Denver flushed and looked away from me, but kept his hand going.  "It's
just masturbating.  Nothing special."

   "First time I've seen it in real life.  That's kinda special."

   "And is it what you always dreamed it would be?"

   "As shocking as this will no doubt sound, I've never actually had much
interest in imagining what it would be like."

   "Really?  Never?"

   "You're my brother, dude.  Why would I?"

   Denver was silent, except for the faint, hard to describe sound of his
self-pleasure.  I was torn between watching his face, and sneaking peeks at
his lap.  Something about his expression gave the impression of guilt.

   "You've thought about me doing that, haven't you?" I said.

   "Maybe."

   "To you, or to myself?"

   Again, my brother's reluctant hesitation dragged for longer than I
liked. I wanted answers, damn it.

   "Both," he said.

   I squeezed my thighs together as a sudden thrill of naughtiness overtook
me.  I wasn't sure why Denver thinking about me masturbating excited me so
much, but it did.  And if he thought about me playing with him....

   Before I had a chance to chicken out, I stretched out my arm.  I had to
shift a little closer to my brother to get my hand to his lap properly.  I
refused to actually look as my fingers bumped into his.  His hand had
stopped moving as soon as he realized I was reaching for him.

   "Relly?"

   "You've thought about it, right?" I said, trying to keep my voice level.

   "Yeah, but you haven't."

   "I'm thinking about it now."

   "That's not the same thing."

   For a moment I thought he'd refuse me.  I felt simultaneously hurt and
relieved at the impending rejection.  Then, he let go of his cock.  I
either had to back down, or do what I'd implied I would.  After taking a
deep breath, I wrapped my fingers around my brother's fully hard penis.

   "Oh fuck," Denver whispered.

   I kind of agreed with him.  Granted, I'm sure it felt much, much nicer
for him than it did for me.  It was, however, the first cock I'd ever held
in my hand.  I tried my best not to think about how it was Denver's.  That
was a mental tussle for another time.

   It surprised me just how hard and soft the penis was at the same time.
It was like nothing I'd ever felt before.  It was perfectly rigid, yet
flexible and padded.  If ever there was an object or body part made for
gripping, this was it.

   "That's not so bad," I said.

   "Well that's...  good?"

   "It's kinda nice."

   Denver visibly relaxed.  "Yeah?  Not freaking you out?"

   "Pff.  I can handle a penis."

   Denver snorted unexpectedly.  "Seems so."

   It took me a moment to realize what I'd inadvertently said.  "Mentally.
Not...  oh, shut up.  You know what I meant."

   "Still funny."

   I squeezed harder on Denver's shaft for a second; not enough to really
hurt, I assumed, but enough to chastise him a little.  That was the intent,
anyway.  He just moaned like he liked it.

   "Does that actually feel good?"

   Denver looked at me quizzically.  "Yeah.  Why?"

   "I dunno.  Thought you were delicate down there."

   "I mean, kinda.  Balls are, for sure.  Dicks are pretty good at taking
beatings, though.  You'd have to get a lot rougher than that."

   "Huh."

   I tightened my grip up again.  "So that's good?"

   "Mmhm."

   My initial reservations were dissipating rapidly.  I found that I was
watching what I was doing and felt neither freaked out nor disgusted.  It
was actually quite fascinating to me the way Denver's cock moved and felt
as I slid my hand up and down a little.

   "So just like that?"

   "Yeah.  More, though."

   "I know.  I've seen it done.  I gotta go pretty fast at the end, right?"

   "Right."

   I didn't bother picking up any speed right away.  I kept toying with
Denver's erect cock for a bit, purely for my own education.  Eventually I
gave in, as I knew I must sooner or later.

   "Ok," I said.  "Lie back."

   Denver made a disappointed sound as I released his cock.  I ignored it
and set about positioning myself correctly.  If I was going to really do
this, I needed to be comfortable and have a good view.

   My brother seemed a little uncomfortable and awkward in his reclined
position.  I couldn't really blame him.  His erection poked straight up
from his body, and was about as on display as it could get.  Meanwhile,
there I was peering at it like a scientist examining a new specimen.

   "Don't just look," Denver said.

   "Why?  You shy or something?"

   Denver shifted uncomfortably.  "No."

   "You're acting kinda shy."

   "Whatever.  Just do it already, or I will."

   Even though it wasn't really the position I wanted, having such power
over my brother was exciting in its own way.  He needed me in a way that I
definitely wasn't used to.  I could give him sexual pleasure, or nothing at
all.  It was my choice entirely.

   Luckily for Denver, I was still curious and still learning.  I wrapped
my small fingers around his warm, hard shaft.  It pulsed in my hand; the
rhythm of my brother's heart transferred indirectly to me.  With a slow but
growing confidence, I stroked him as he lay prone beneath me.

   "Does it feel better when a girl does it?" I asked.

   "What do you think?"

   "I think it must.  Someone else's touch always feels better than your
own.  At least with, like, hugs and head scratchies and stuff."

   "And when I touch you?"

   I bit my lip, then nodded.  I hoped I wasn't blushing too badly.  "That
too."

   I wasn't sure how long it went on.  I certainly didn't get bored, and
Denver probably would have let me play with him all day.  Sometimes I moved
slowly and simply watched my fingers in their short, looping course.  Other
times, I went hard and fast, and tried to get him off with varying degrees
of determination.

   In the end, I was successful.  It kind of snuck up on me.  One moment
Denver was lounging under my lavish attention, the next he was moaning and
tensing up.  Even though I knew what was supposed to eventually happen, it
still caught me by surprise when a small jet of white stuff exploded from
the cock I'd been stroking.

   I squealed in shock as the hot liquid landed partly on my fingers. 
After a second, I recovered and giggled at my own girliness.

   "Oh shit," Denver whispered.

   "Was it good?"

   He nodded.  "Uh huh.  You can, like, let go now, though.  I'm done."

   I uncurled my fingers, fully conscious of the cum sticking to them and
my brother's cock.  Denver's whole middle region was a haphazard mess.

   "Sorry," I said.  "Boys get sensitive afterward, don't they?"

   "Kinda, yeah."

   "Got it."

   My hand was streaked with cum.  I opened and closed my fingers a few
times and turned my wrist a few different angles.  The sticky strands all
over my skin made me feel dirty, but in a good way.  It was also a nice
confirmation that I hadn't fucked up my first handjob.

   "You can go get cleaned up first if you want," Denver said.

   "Nah, you go ahead," I said distractedly.

   "You sure?"

   "Sure I'm sure.  I'm not done playing yet."

   I rubbed my thumb against the pad of my finger.  The cum made my digits
slide together with hardly any friction.

   "Ok, that's weird," Denver said.

   "Shut up.  I just jerked you off you...  jerk.  Don't be making fun of
me."

   "I'm not.  It's just interesting the difference in you when you're horny
and when you're not.  Like when you're--"

   "Shut up!"

   I reached over and grabbed a pillow with my clean hand.  I got a good
swing, and it caught Denver full in the face with a satisfying dead-centre
hit.  He just smirked at the sudden, soft violence.

   "I'm not teasing," he insisted.

   "Yeah, I don't buy that."

   "I promise I'm not.  I kinda like you like this."

   "Like what, exactly?  In a mood to jerk you off?"

   "Partly, sure.  Also, the way you're entranced by my cum."

   I reached for the second pillow.  Denver hopped off the bed and dodged
toward the doorway.  I didn't bother trying to hit him from range.

   "Don't make me sound gross," I said.

   "I'm not."

   "I did a nice thing for you, didn't I?"

   "You did."

   "And now you're picking on me."

   "I'm...  oh, forget it.  I'm going to hit the shower.  You lost your
chance to get it first."

   "Whatever.  Get out of here."

   Denver paused halfway through the doorway.  "Ok, I'm going, but I just
want to be clear that this is my room.  You can't really-- oh come on!"

   My second throw had flown surprisingly true for a half-assed, one-handed
attempt.  It caught Denver in the stomach, which normally wouldn't have
counted for much.  In this case, it meant his pillow got slightly messy
from rubbing on him.  It was sufficient revenge.

   "Beat it," I said.

   Denver rolled his eyes and left his pillow where it lay.  "Fine." He
turned to leave, then called over his shoulder.  "Thanks for the handjob,
Relly."

   "I'm gonna start throwing heavy things soon!"

   Only when I was sure Denver was gone did I let a wide, goofy smile take
over my face.  I'd really done it.  Made my brother cum.  It was kinda
fucked up, sure, but I felt so good.  It was exhilarating.  He'd actually
thanked me for fuck's sake.

   Riding my high while it lasted, I licked a small patch of skin just
above my knuckle.  The taste was salty, and somewhat bitter.  Not
disgusting, but not really something I'd ever be interested in eating if it
wasn't so sexual.  I took another lick.  I decided I could probably handle
a mouthful of it if I had to.  I flushed as I realized the implications of
my own line of thought.  Luckily Denver wasn't there to see me blushing. 
Then I'd really have had to hit him with something.

   ****

   Dinner was a bit weird.  I couldn't keep my eyes or my thoughts off of
Denver.  He seemed to be looking at me more than usual as well.  It was
probably a normal reaction to me jerking him off, and maybe I would have
felt the same had he been any other boy.  If he'd been someone else,
though, I wouldn't have had to make it through a family meal with him so
soon afterward.

   Mom and Dad didn't seem to have any kind of clue what was going on.  How
could they, really?  How would any parent ever suspect sexual misconduct
between their children?  Even so, it made me feel both nervous and terribly
clever sitting with them and their ignorance.  Like I'd pulled off a bank
heist and was sitting down to tea with the local police chief.

   I was happy enough to leave the dinner table and retreat to my room
afterward.  However, it just about gave me a heart attack when Dad caught
up with me in the hallway.

   "Hey, Relly?"

   I froze and tried to keep my expression calm, and perhaps mildly
curious. "Yeah, Dad?"

   "I, uh, found something strange going on lately."

   Oh shit.

   "What's that, Daddy?"

   I made my eyes big and clasped my hands behind my back.  If somehow Dad
was actually onto us, I needed to play my most innocent little girl act of
my life.  He couldn't know anything, not for certain, or I was sure he and
Mom would be confronting me together.

   Dad sighed.  "Don't 'daddy' me, Relly.  You know that's cheating."

   I tried out a hopeful smile.  He was joking a little.  That was a good
sign.

   "Sorry.  What's up?"

   "Well...  let's just say the liquor cabinet's been drying out quicker
than expected."

   "Oh, uh--"

   Dad held up a hand.  "I don't mind you and Denver getting into it now
and then.  It's much easier on my nerves than you going out and getting
drunk at parties with people I've never met.  Just...  don't go overboard,
ok?  And don't let your mother find out you're sneaking drinks whenever you
want."

   I felt the tension drain from my shoulders.  My smile became genuine,
though tinged with relief.  "Sure thing, Daddy."

   Dad rolled his eyes, but I saw his lips twitch.  He liked it way too
much when I acted innocent and cutesy.  He was right; it was cheating.

   I strolled away to my room, my heart all the lighter for knowing Denver
and I remained undiscovered.  Not that we'd taken any major risks, in my
opinion, but the encounter reinforced the need to be careful.

   ****

   It was getting pretty late that night before Denver showed up.  I'd
taken up residence in the living room to watch some Netflix with the lights
off, as per my usual.  I hoped my brother would come and hang out with me,
all the while trying to convince myself it was ok if he didn't.

   "Wasn't sure you were coming," I said.

   I winced a little as Denver flicked the lights on.  He sat close to me,
but not quite touching.

   "Phrasing," said Denver.

   "What?  Oh.  Because I said coming, which sounds like...  yeah. 
Alright. Very funny."

   Neither of us laughed.

   "I can't stop thinking about it," Denver said quietly.  "Is that weird?"

   I shrugged.  "How the hell would I know?"

   "Yeah, but...  it's pretty crazy, right?"

   "It is.  I've been thinking about it a lot too.  And about you
generally."

   "Oh yeah?"

   "Uh huh."

   I was missing vital plot points in my show.  I diverted part of my
attention to catching up, then decided it wasn't worth it.  All I wanted to
think about was my brother.  It was no good pretending otherwise.

   "I think I want to try doing it again sometime," I said without looking
at Denver.  I tried to sound casual, but I wasn't sure I succeeded.

   "I could live with that," Denver said.

   I snickered, and it turned into a full giggling fit.  "Yeah.  I bet you
could."

   Denver didn't laugh, but it was a near thing.  He seemed a little too
stuck in his own head; maybe more so than me, even.  It was hard to know.

   I leaned into my brother and snuggled against his shoulder.  After a
moment, he slipped his arm free and wrapped it around me.  I felt better
and more sure of myself when he held me like that.  It was a nice
compromise between normal sibling behaviour and our new found perversion.
In some ways, it was all I really wanted.

   For a while, I kind of just got lost in the moment.  There was the tv,
my brother's warmth, and no anxieties or concerns distracting me.  It was a
calm, easy-going way to end the day.  At least it was until Denver slipped
his hand from my shoulder and casually palmed my breast.  Then it became
something else entirely.

   I waited to see if Denver would acknowledge his inappropriate handling
of my body.  He didn't.  He simply felt me up and occasionally toyed with
my nipple like it was the most natural thing in the world.  Being used that
way gave me secret little thrills all the way up my spine.

   The one downside to sitting quietly and letting my brother's fingers
roam was it left me feeling increasingly horny without allowing for any
sort of release.  It was very distracting and got me thinking some quite
naughty things.  My stupid brother just kept playing with my chest and
ignoring my other needs that he was only adding to.

   Somehow I made it to the end of the episode without moving or speaking.
Denver didn't let on that he'd even been touching me, let alone making my
panties all damp.  It was the perfect time to make a move of some kind, if
only I had any idea what it would be.

   "I gotta take a piss," Denver said as he pulled his arm away and stood
up.

   I sighed.  So much for the moment.  It was probably just as well.  It
gave me a chance to cool down and get back some control of the situation.
Getting teased for minutes on end without any real payoff just wasn't going
to cut it.

   While Denver was gone, I stripped down to my shirt and panties.  I
shoved my extra clothes behind my side of the couch where they wouldn't be
seen.  I then curled up with my feet under me and my butt sticking out
slightly toward Denver's side.  My expression shifted to one of perfect
nonchalance as I pretended not to just be waiting for my brother's return.

   Denver faltered ever so slightly when he reentered the room.  I liked
knowing exactly where he was looking without having to watch his eyes.  He
was still facing me as he sat down.

   "What do you think?" I asked.  "Shall we get in an episode of Gilmore
Girls?"

   "Yeah.  Sure."

   I turned my face to hide a betraying smile.  Denver could hardly have
sounded any less invested in what we watched, or perhaps even if we watched
anything at all.  I 'accidentally' shifted in my seat in a way that stuck
my butt even more prominently toward him.  It was actually kind of an
uncomfortable position, but it wasn't so bad for a little while.

   The episode started, and initially it distracted the both of us.  A part
of my mind was always on my brother, however, and I suspected the same was
true for him.

   "I keep thinking about earlier," Denver said.

   "Earlier when?"

   "You know when."

   "Oh.  That earlier.  Good or bad thoughts?"

   "Good.  Definitely good."

   "You know I'm not just going to do that for you all the time or
anything."

   "Well of course not all the time."

   I gave Denver a Look.  "If you're too much of a brat about it, maybe not
at all."

   "Perish the thought."

   Denver grabbed my ankles.  I squealed as I was dragged bodily across the
couch.  My butt ended up almost in my brother's lap, and my shirt got
pulled up over my tummy.  I grumbled and made a show of tugging my shirt
back into place.

   "What was that for?" I asked.

   "Oh, nothing."

   He reached for my panties.  At first I let him, mostly out of curiosity,
but he pulled at the waistband like he wanted to de-panty me.  I had to
slap his hand away.

   "Behave."

   "Hm...  no.  Don't think I will, actually."

   Denver reached again, and again I swatted his hand.  He jabbed a finger
in my side instead, and soon I was giggling like crazy and trying to fend
off his attacks from all angles.

   "Stop it, you goof!"

   "Stop what?"

   "Stop...  touching me."

   Denver arched an eyebrow.  "No touching?"

   "Well...  a little's ok.  Within reason."

   Denver rested his hands on my legs.  I kept my guard up for a moment
before relaxing as well.

   "Within reason, huh?" he said.

   "That's right."

   "And what does that mean, exactly?"

   "You know.  Be reasonable."

   "Why is it not reasonable to take your panties off?"

   A thrill ran up my spine.  I tried to hide it, but my tensing muscles
might have given it away.  It was so crazy that my brother would ask me
that kind of question.  Crazy, and more than a little exciting.

   "I'm your sister, doofus.  You're not supposed to see what's under my
panties."

   "Seriously?"

   "Yes.  Seriously."

   I glared levelly at Denver, trying to act like I meant it.  In truth,
his insistence on seeing my pussy turned me on way, way too much.  It was
so very wrong.  So naughty.

   It was essentially harmless, I told myself.  He'd felt me already, and
I'd jerked him off only that afternoon.  Seeing under my panties wasn't any
worse, really.  Probably it wasn't, anyway.  There was enough uncertainty
to add that little bit of exquisite anxiety to my thoughts.

   Denver grabbed my panties again while I was deep in thought.  I quickly
squeezed my thighs together, but didn't swat at his hands.  I glared
fiercely as he pulled with a steady, increasing pressure.  My underwear
slipped downward as I pretended to be unable to stop him.

   Denver stopped pulling nearly so hard once he reached my mid-thigh.  His
eyes were locked on my bared slit, an awed expression on his face.  I
flushed and relaxed my legs, allowing my panties to be removed entirely. 
His gaze was so intense that I couldn't even look at him.  The mix of
embarrassment and lust within me was too potent for me to handle.

   "You're missing the show," I said.

   "So what?"

   My brother's adventurous fingers glided up the inside of my leg.  I
paused the episode on the tv as an excuse not to acknowledge what he was up
to.

   "You won't appreciate the episode properly if you don't pay attention."

   "Yeah, you're right.  I should pay proper attention."

   I doubted if Denver could see anything in the room other than my naked
lower half.  The only things he was paying attention to were my naughty
bits.  I was halfway sprawled across my brother's lap, with his hand
closing in on forbidden territory, and all I did was lay there waiting.

   I bit my lip and tensed involuntarily as Denver reached the outskirts of
my pussy.  His fingers were a whisper of skin across my delicate flesh.  It
took serious self-control not to buck my hips into his hand.  His touch was
so light as to be taunting.

   "You have a very beautiful pussy," Denver said.

   "Oh my god!  Shut up."

   "That was a compliment."

   "I know.  But...  goddamn, Den.  You shouldn't say that about me."

   "Right, right.  Because you're my sister and implying that you're a
sexual being is somehow wrong of me."

   "It is wrong.  You know that as well as I do."

   "And touching you isn't?"

   I looked away.  "I tried to stop you."

   "No you didn't."

   He was right.  I didn't.  It was all a pretense, because for some reason
it helped me feel better about everything.

   "I should stop you, though," I said quietly.  "Should have stopped this
when it first started, really."

   "Maybe." Denver ran two fingers up either side of my wet slit.  "Would
you like me to stop?"

   Denver used just enough pressure, just close enough to my actual
sensitive areas, that there was no way in hell I could seriously tell him
to fuck off.  He seemed all too aware of it as well.

   "Whatever," I said.  "You're the one being bad.  Not me."

   "Heh.  I'd like to figure out the acrobatics that go on in your head
some days.  I think it'd be very interesting."

   I looked back at Denver.  He had the most irritatingly attractive
crooked smile on his face as our gazes met.  His fingers kept me right on
the edge of sexual captivation, and just on the wrong side of proper
sanity. He knew exactly what he was doing.

   My brother's touch lingered for too long.  He wouldn't quite make
contact with my slit or, more importantly, my throbbing clit.  I let him
take my panties off, I gave him basically free access to my pussy, yet
still he did no more than tease me.

   "Maybe it's ok if you touch me," I whispered.

   "What?"

   "You heard me."

   "Maybe I did.  Could you say it louder, just to be sure?"

   I glared at Denver.  He merely flashed me a face full of smug innocence.
I pulled back my knee and drove a heel into his thigh.

   "Don't be a dick."

   Denver chuckled as he rubbed at his leg.  "That actually kind of hurt."

   "Yeah, well...  what did you expect?"

   "What indeed."

   Denver pushed me away, and I was about to protest that I hadn't kicked
him that hard, but he still wasn't upset, and didn't appear to be leaving.
Instead, he got on the floor on his knees.  He pulled my legs around so
that I was facing forward properly.  It made me feel small and delicate
when he moved me so easily.  I kind of loved it.

   "What are you doing?" I asked.

   He didn't answer.  I gasped as Denver pulled my butt to the edge of the
cushion, then buried his face between my thighs.

   "Oh shit!"

   I was taken by nearly-complete surprise.  Denver's tongue was on me with
no preamble or hesitation.  The soft teasing of his fingers was replaced by
rough, eager licking.  His saliva mixed with my own moisture, and my clit
was wetly rasped over and over again.

   I bit my bottom lip and curled my toes at the amazing and unexpected
attentions.  My fingers tangled in Denver's hair as though it was the most
natural place in the world for them.  I'd expected a gentle, experimental
fingering from my brother, not for him to eat me out like we were new,
insatiable lovers.  Though in some ways, that wasn't far off.

   "That feels so good," I whispered huskily.

   If Denver had tried to say anything back, sexy or snarky, I would have
held his head right where it was.  He didn't, so my grip remained relaxed.

   I stroked Denver's hair as he licked my little pussy.  It was a
luxurious feeling, one I became used to faster than I imagined I would.  It
should have been terribly weird and wicked having my brother's tongue
exploring every facet of my most intimate area.  Instead, it felt natural
and good in ways I could easily become addicted to.

   "I notice you're not protesting at all anymore," Denver said.

   "Shush.  Keep going."

   Denver fought my attempts at smashing his mouth into my pussy.  "I'm
just saying--"

   "Dennn-verrr," I whined.

   My legs wrapped naturally around his shoulders.  With their help I held
him close enough to render speech much more difficult.  His breath was
sharp on my saliva-wetted skin.  After a short moment, his tongue came back
out to play.

   It was impossible for me to say how long Denver worked away between my
legs.  Time didn't hold quite the same meaning when my clit was being
relentlessly rasped and flicked.  All I knew was I loved every minute of
it.

   "Oh my goddd, Denverrr," I moaned in my softest voice.

   His tongue, his constant tongue.  Amid the immensely pleasure it
brought, my orgasm snuck up on me in a way it never had when I was taking
care of myself.  I came harder and deeper than I ever had before.  My
brother, my own brother, brought me a better feeling than any in my life.

   Denver was smirking up at me when my eyes rolled back into focus.  His
self-satisfaction didn't bother me this time.  He'd earned it.

   "Come here," I said.

   He tilted his head and his eyebrows dipped slightly, but he put his
hands on the couch and leaned toward me.  I put a hand on my brother's
cheek and gave him a soft kiss that was right on the verge of being too
long.  The taste on his lips must have been mine.  I didn't mind it in the
moment.

   "You liked it then," Denver said.

   "Maybe I did."

   "Heh.  Yeah.  Maybe." Denver studied my eyes.  "You taste good, you
know."

   I patted his cheek.  "I'm not even going to kick you for saying that."

   "Well there.  I really must have done good." He looked down.  "I could
do it again, if you want."

   I smiled and shook my head.  "Not right now.  I feel good, and I'm not
freaking out about what I just let you do.  I'd like to hold onto that for
a while."

   "Fair enough."

   Denver sat back on the couch.  I immediately cuddled up to him.  I
pulled his arm around my shoulders and made him hold me.  We didn't watch
any more shows, and I didn't bother covering up, I just sat and felt my
brother's warmth against me.  It was nice.

   ****

   I awoke to my alarm the next morning, the same as any other day.  I
dragged my corpse out of bed, scoured my body in the shower, and selected a
suitable outfit.  My feet thumped disproportionately loudly down the
stairs.

   My parents were both in the kitchen.  Dad had his coffee, Mom her tea.
They appeared mildly surprised to see me.  I couldn't figure out why.  I
wasn't ungodly early or anything.

   "Coffee left?" I mumbled.

   Dad nodded to the machine.  "Sure.  Pretty fresh still."

   The smell enticed my senses to something slightly nearer alertness.  I
carefully poured a mugful and sweetened it appropriately.

   "You're up awfully early," Mom said.  "Big plans?"

   "M'not early.  S'the same time I 'lways get up." I sipped the
slightly-too-hot coffee.  "You know, for school?"

   Mom and Dad exchanged a glance.  It worried me.

   "Sweetie, it's Saturday."

   My shoulders slumped.  I set my mug in the sink and trudged back the way
I came.  "Goddammit."

   Mom gave me a Look, but thankfully didn't chastise me.  "Stay, Relly. 
I'll get you some breakfast."

   "No thanks.  Back to bed."

   "Don't be ridiculous.  You're already up.  What would you like?"

   "More sleep, please.  A side of carefree dreams, perhaps."

   "Relly...."

   I waved over my shoulder as I disappeared from sight.  The last thing I
heard was Dad failing to stifle a chuckle.

   My bed didn't have the heavenly feel of first waking up and realizing I
didn't have to leave it yet, but it was still nice to crawl back in.  I
didn't truly hope to get more sleep.  That seemed unlikely now that I'd
been up and about.  I felt a bit stupid wasting my Saturday sleep-in time
like that.  Still, lazing away an hour or two was a luxury I intended to
seize.

   I drifted in and out of full consciousness for a while.  I never quite
made it properly back to sleep, but I successfully lazed around like a
teenager with no responsibilities.  Which, of course, I was.

   My door opened with a slow, quiet swoosh.  There had been no audible
footsteps, nor so much as a courtesy knock beforehand.  Only the faint
sound of socked feet padding across my floor let me track the continued
approach.

   "You're up early," I said without opening my eyes.

   The mattress sank under my brother's weight as he sat on the edge of it.
He pulled the covers, but I remained motionless.

   "So were you, it seems," Denver said.  "Dare I ask why you're in bed
fully clothed?"

   I cracked my eyes just enough to see his face.  "You already know, don't
you?"

   Denver smiled.  "Yeah, I do.  Mom and Dad thought it was quite a funny
story."

   "Ugh.  Stupid family."

   "Hey, now.  That was uncalled for."

   "Excessive, perhaps, but certainly called for."

   I closed my eyes and shifted a bit to get comfortable.  Denver didn't
say anything for a moment.  I imagined he was just sitting there watching
me, marveling at my beauty.  I was probably only half right.

   The mattress creaked softly as Denver leaned toward me.  His fingers
went to my waist, and I couldn't help a small grin as he undid my pants and
tugged them downward.

   "You're brave," I said.  "You left the door open and everything."

   "Mom and Dad went out for a walk.  It's just us for a while."

   "Really?"

   "Yep.  Mom's idea, I believe.  Walks are very good for you, you know."

   "So I'm told."

   My pants surrendered without a fuss.  My socks went next.  Denver glided
a hand back up one of my legs to my hip.

   "I should have gotten here earlier, while you were still sleeping for
real," Denver said.

   "Ha.  Like you could even wake up that early."

   "I might, if I felt like it was worth it."

   "Do I even want to know why you'd think it was worth it?"

   "Probably not."

   Denver rolled me onto my front.  The mattress shifted yet again as he
crawled up behind me.  My heart beat fast and heavy in anticipation.  I
didn't know what he was up to, but I had no doubt it was pure naughtiness
of one kind or another.

   "I like these panties," Denver said.  "They look cute on you."

   "Oh really?"

   "Mmhm."

   "You're telling me my underwear is what you're appreciating right now?"

   "Maybe something else too."

   "Yeah.  That's what I thought."

   I wiggled in satisfaction at the knowledge that Denver was totally
checking out my butt.  I grabbed my pillow and hugged it a little closer.

   As I anticipated, Denver's hands ran up the back of my thighs right to
my ass.  He cupped it in both his palms for a moment.  I enjoyed the small
squeeze he gave just before releasing.

   "You have such a nice butt," he said.

   "Shush."

   "Well it's true."

   I hid my face to prevent any trace of my smile or blush from escaping.
In spite of that, I stuck my ass up ever so slightly toward my brother.  I
wanted a little more play time.  Just a little.

   Denver tugged at my panties.  I knew he would sooner or later.  I would
have been a lot more comfortable keeping them on for a while.  If anything,
I was more anxious about him seeing me from behind than from the front.  I
had no idea if that was normal or not.

   "Wow," Denver said.

   I squirmed uncomfortably.  "Wow what?"

   My panties slid the rest of the way down my legs and off my feet. 
Denver pushed my thighs apart and leaned in closer.  I really wasn't overly
happy with him looking that closely.

   "What are you gawking at?" I demanded.

   "What do you think?  There's really only one thing back here to stare
at."

   "Fucking perv."

   I tried to close my legs, but Denver didn't let me.  I tried to roll
over, and he didn't let me do that either.

   "Really nice," Denver murmured barely audibly.

   His fingertips brushed my ass cheek.  They traveled down right into the
cleft in the middle.

   "Ok, don't," I said.

   "Don't what?"

   "Seriously, Den.  Don't touch me there."

   "Why not?"

   "'Cause...  'cause it's weird.  And dirty."

   "You were totally cool with catching me doing weird butt stuff.  Now
suddenly you're not?"

   "I don't care what you do to yourself, you idiot.  Doing it to me's
totally different."

   "I see."

   Denver ran his fingers contemplatively over the swell of my ass.  He
didn't quite touch my butthole, but he came dangerously close.  I was torn
between wanting to shut him down entirely, and just giving in to what he
wanted.  He had that kind of effect on me lately.

   "So I can touch your pussy?" Denver asked.

   My heart beat faster.  "You shouldn't," I said.  "But yes."

   "But not here?" he asked as he poked my asshole with a single digit.

   "Den!"

   "Just checking."

   I tried to kick my brother, but I didn't have a good angle on him. 
"Don't do that.  It's gross."

   "Is it?"

   "Of course it is."

   "I don't think so.  I think maybe you're just not comfortable with parts
of your own body."

   "Certainly not that part.  But that's beside the point."

   "Don't think it is, actually." Denver leaned down further, until I
actually felt his breath caress my bottom.  "Just to reassure you,
everything back here is perfectly beautiful."

   "Nooooo...."

   Denver kissed each of my ass cheeks, just a simple little peck, then
spread them apart.  My brain refused to acknowledge what was coming, but
sure enough he planted a kiss right in the middle as well.

   "Dennn-verrr.  Dooonnn't"

   I wriggled and squirmed, but admittedly didn't actually try to get away.
My brother's tongue flicked across my butthole, then took a longer stroke
across the length of my ass crack.

   "That's dirty," I protested.

   "It's very clean, actually.  Like you just showered."

   "Still, though."

   Denver ignored me.  He licked some more at what I considered the least
lickable part of my body.  He wouldn't do it if he didn't want to, and
there was certainly no sign that he found it at all disgusting, but it
still took me a while to relax.

   "Does it really taste ok?" I asked quietly.

   He licked a few more times.  "It tastes like you."

   I reached back and gave his head a gentle smack.  "That's not an
answer."

   "I like the taste of you."

   "Ugh.  You doofus."

   I wrapped my arms tightly around my pillow and held it to my face.  This
was happening, whether I believed it was enjoyable for my brother or not. w
After a while, I realized I didn't really mind the physical sensations
themselves.  It was actually kind of a nice feeling; luxurious and sensual.
Not the lust-inducing thrill of having my pussy played with by any means,
but still sexual and loving in its own way.  It was mostly my own limited
experience and values that made me resist.

   "What is it with you and butts anyway?" I asked.

   Denver paused my anal tongue-bath.  "I like 'em.  That's all."

   "It's more than like.  This is getting to be an obsession."

   "How is this possibly an obsession?"

   "Well, you know.  Playing with yourself all the time, now trying to play
with me...."

   Denver traced a finger across the valley of my ass.  He circled my
butthole in a lazy spiral.  "First off, even if that was true, it wouldn't
necessarily indicate an obsession.  Secondly, I absolutely do not do weird
things to myself all the time."

   "Sure you don't.  I suppose you're going to tell me your lady-friend on
the internet made you do it.  You're just a helpless soul trapped in her
web of perversion."

   "Something like that, actually."

   "Bullshit."

   "No, seriously.  She said the only way she'd play with her ass for me
was if I did the same for her.  I don't think she actually expected me to
agree, mind you."

   "I actually don't know if that makes it better or worse."

   Denver's fingertip pressed dangerously against my asshole.  I knew
enough to know that tensing up was a bad idea if he planned to go any
further, but that didn't mean I could help myself.  Fortunately, he didn't
actually penetrate me.

   "Doesn't make it anything, necessarily," Denver said.

   "It means you'll do things you don't want to just to get your perv on.
That seems a little bad."

   "I've never done anything I didn't want to.  Just...  stuff that I
wouldn't have without motivation, perhaps."

   "Well that's--"

   "And I think you'll find you're much the same as me in that regard."

   "Am not!"

   "Relly, c'mon.  What do you think is happening right now?"

   My brother's finger slid inside me ever so slightly.  He'd lulled me to
the point where I didn't resist the intrusion, and once he was in I found I
didn't really mind it.

   "You're the one being bad," I insisted.  "Don't blame any of this on
me."

   "Not blaming.  Just saying."

   Denver slid his free hand down to my pussy.  That was what I wanted.  I
lifted my hips for him in the faint hope that he'd leave my butt alone and
just play with my actual sexy area.

   He was kind of right though.  I was putting up with some stuff I would
have preferred not to for the promise of the things I wanted.  It was
possible I was just as pervy as my brother, in my own way, and maybe even a
bit slutty after all.

   "Your ass is so tight," Denver whispered.

   "Oh my goddd.  Shut up."

   I resisted my urge to roll over and kick Denver.  He was rubbing my wet
little slit now, and a vicious foot assault might dissuade him from
continuing.

   Denver's lone finger wiggled in my butthole.  Occasionally it wormed in
even deeper, but he didn't seem like he was trying to force it or anything.
He was just trying out a new toy, I supposed.  One that could fight back if
he got too rough with it.

   It was still weird and gross having my ass fingered, or so I maintained
internally.  Having my clit played with made my boundaries a little fuzzier
than they would otherwise have been.

   "I notice you're not complaining too much anymore," Denver said.

   "Shut up.  You're being gross," I said purely for form's sake.

   "I think maybe you actually like this."

   "Don't."

   "No?  You don't like your brother fingering you?"

   I drew a sharp breath and clutched my pillow tighter.  I mumbled
something deliberately incomprehensible back.

   "What was that?" Denver asked.

   "Nothing.  Just stop talking, would you?"

   "Sure thing."

   Denver pulled his finger out of my ass.  It was immediately replaced by
his tongue.  I probably should have seen that coming.

   I was somewhat used to the sensation of having my ass licked this time
around.  Enough so that I was able to mostly ignore it and focus on the
delicious little circles being traced on my pussy.  Denver's anal
tongue-assault provided something of a background for the main event, and
somehow it kind of worked for me.  It was hedonistically decadent, the sort
of thing that a girl like me shouldn't know about.

   My poor pillow was never going to be the same again.  The squeezing,
biting, and drooling it endured were the stuff of horrific tortures.  It
was my one constant reassurance as my horizons were irrevocably broadened.

   After a while I forgot about my attempts at feigning either disgust or
nonchalance as the moment called for.  Absolutely everything Denver did
began to feel good.  Every movement of his tongue and fingers struck a note
of pleasure within me.  He toyed with me, licked me, fingered me until I
was a horny, compliant mess.  I had no protest left in me, not even when it
came to the ass-play.

   I came all over his hand.  His efforts were rewarded with vigorous, yet
muffled moans and a fair amount of writhing in ecstasy.  A second orgasm
quickly followed the first when he failed to let up even a little.  By the
third I had to shove at him with my foot until he finally relented.

   I rolled onto my side and curled up defensively.  Denver sat by my legs,
smiling in lazy self-satisfaction.  I couldn't begrudge him his excess of
pride in this instance.

   "Seems like you liked it after all," he said.

   "I did," I replied quietly.

   Denver seemed surprised at my easy admission.  "No petulant arguments?"

   I shrugged.  "It was nice.  What do you want from me?"

   "Well--"

   "Bearing in mind that I'm all sexied out now."

   "Ouch.  Just gonna take what you want and kick me out, huh?"

   "I think you'll find that you took what you wanted, and not vice versa."

   "Yeah, but...." Denver stopped and looked thoughtful.  "Shit.  You're
kinda right."

   "Damn straight I am."

   I could see my brother's cock straining in his pants.  It would have
been obvious he'd be hard, even if the evidence wasn't so visible.  It was
kind of mean of me not to help him out with that.  Part of me almost hoped
he'd strip down and make me jerk him off or something.  I actually shivered
a little at the thought of what 'or something' might mean.

   "Guess I'll just have to wait, then," Denver said easily.

   I smiled wryly.  "Good brother."

   I beckoned Denver closer with my finger.  He arched an eyebrow, but
leaned in anyway.  I gave him a soft kiss, then pushed him away again.

   "You know where my mouth's been don't you?" he said.

   "Den?"

   "Yeah?"

   "Shut the hell up."

   ****

   I lazed around the house for the rest of the morning.  Denver went off
somewhere doing...  whatever it was he did on weekends.  I was kind of
annoyed with myself at how often I checked to see if he was back yet.  I
should have just jerked him off while he was in my room.  It would have
provided closure of a sort.

   Mom and Dad took a while getting back from their walk.  That probably
just meant they'd stopped to visit with one of the neighbours along the
way. Although the fact that they immediately went to their room upon
returning may have indicated something else entirely.  For the sake of my
fragile psyche, I tried not to think too hard about that one.

   It was just as well they'd been preoccupied for longer than expected, in
a practical sense.  It had been totally, completely crazy for Denver not to
shut the door before molesting me.  Once the moment wore off and I regained
my regular senses of caution and consequences, it was much more evident to
me how fortunate we'd been.  I could only imagine what our parents would
have said if they'd returned and walked by my room at the wrong time.

   Still, all was well.  I had plenty of time to just chill and process,
which was good.  I would have had more if Mom hadn't taken issue with me
sprawling across the couch for a large chunk of the day.

   "So you moved from your bed to the couch, I see," Mom said.

   "Very well spotted," I replied with a total lack of shame.

   "You shouldn't waste your weekends like this."

   "Who's wasting anything?  I'm spending my time the way I want to."

   Mom's hands went to her hips.  "At least get outside the house for a
while."

   "Why?  What's out there?  Anything new that I haven't seen a million
times before?"

   "Relly...."

   I sighed, making sure it was loud enough to register.  "Yes, mother."

   She glared at me, but I'd technically conceded the point so she didn't
press it any further.  Mind you, if I didn't actually move at some point,
there'd be hell to pay.

   Once Mom left, I pulled out my phone and called up Fay.

   "Hey, girl," she said.  "What's up?  Just getting out of bed?"

   I snorted.  "My sleeping habits aren't quite as atrocious as yours are,
actually."

   "Right, right.  Let me guess then; you're bored to tears and need me to
rescue you?"

   "Close.  Mom thinks I shouldn't spend all weekend lying on the couch
watching either cartoons or the ceiling."

   "The very nerve.  And she calls herself a mother.  Tsk tsk."

   "Yes, alright.  Don't you start on me too.  I know I'm being a lazy
bitch." I rolled my eyes.  "So what are you up to today?"

   "Oh, nothing much yet.  Got a date tonight, so I have to get ready for
that at some point."

   "Ooh, new guy?"

   "Sorta.  David, this guy I met a couple weeks ago.  This'll be our
second proper date.  Did I not mention him before?"

   "Don't think so.  But don't worry, I'm sure it's just because he's so
wonderful, and you're so very smitten that you--"

   "Oh shut up, you wicked bitch," Fay said, even as she failed to fully
hold back her giggling.  "He's nice, and cute, and--"

   "And you'll probably never see him again after tonight," I finished for
her.  "You don't do well at long term commitments."

   "That's...  annoyingly possible, actually.  But to be fair, you're kind
of my long term commitment already." Fay's voice dropped into
pseudo-serious mode.  "Relly, I never told you this, but I've been in love
with you from the moment we met.  I've just been waiting for the right time
to--"

   I snickered.  "Oh fuck off."

   "--tell you.  I want to have your babies, and live in a big house with
sixteen puppies, and--"

   "Ok, ok.  I'm sorry I said the thing about your commitment issues,
alright?"

   "But my love...."

   I was fully giggling.  "Yeah, yeah.  Just swing by and pick me up some
time soon-ish, would you."

   Fay totally cracked up just before I hung up on her.  I was still
smiling a while afterward, though.  Fay's craziness was good for my sanity
at times.

   ****

   I went through the motions of helping Fay pick out her outfit, hair
style, makeup, and other such vital things for her 'big date.' In reality,
she knew so much more about that stuff than I did that I might as well have
been a cat advising on financial investments.  Still, it was Traditional
for me to offer input, and one didn't lightly fuck with Tradition.

   I flipped through Fay's closet on the pretense of carefully examining
her options.  She stood in front of her mirror and held earrings up to her
reflection.

   "How good are you trying to look for this guy?" I asked.  "Casual? 
Fancy?  Come-back-to-my-place-and-do-naughty-things-to-me?"

   "That's just called 'slutty,' dear."

   "Uh huh."

   "And no, not slutty.  I don't like David that much.  At least not yet.
I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, though."

   "How generous of you."

   Fay laughed.  "Oh fuck off.  Maybe I just like being taken out
sometimes. It doesn't always have to be in the hope of true love."

   "Sure, sure."

   I abandoned the closet and sprawled across Fay's bed.  I took some
satisfaction in just how much it would annoy Mom to find out I'd simply
moved my lazing around to a new arena.

   "You really should get your boy toy to take you out places," Fay said.
"I think you'd enjoy it."

   "Maybe I would, but it's not that kind of relationship."

   "So you insist." Fay's mirror-reflected eyes met mine.  She pursed her
lips as she examined me.  "But it is the kind where you do naughty things."

   I felt my face heat slightly.  "Only a little."

   "More than a little, my darling.  You got some real action recently,
didn't you?"

   I bit my lip and considered denying it, but Fay already knew.  Of course
she knew.  She had enough experience with boys and with me that I couldn't
expect to hide everything.

   "Maybe I did," I said casually.

   "You definitely did.  I see those little grins you get when you start
daydreaming and forget I'm in the room with you."

   "Don't!"

   "Oh you so do."

   I attempted to shrug it off, but Fay's accusation merely brought Denver
to my forethoughts.  I felt the stupid little smile creep onto my lips, and
was unable to stop it.  Fay nodded in self-satisfaction.

   "Ok, maybe I'm having some fun with it, alright?" I said.  "And maybe...
maybe things have gotten pretty naughty."

   "But no actual sex yet, right?  Because you have to tell me when it
happens."

   "I most certainly don't."

   "You do, Relly.  I've worked on you for too long for you to hold out on
me."

   I feigned indignation.  "What, I'm just some project for you now?"

   "Not 'just' a project.  But yeah, kinda." Fay tousled her hair a little
and held it in slightly different ways, turning from side to side to judge
her various appearances.  "Sometimes I feel like I've worked harder trying
to get you a boyfriend than I've worked for myself."

   "Well that's just not true."

   "It isn't.  But I'm making a point, you see."

   I rolled my eyes.  "Fine.  If we have sex, I'll tell you.  But we
won't."

   Fay raised an eyebrow.  "You won't, huh?"

   I shook my head.  "That'd be taking it too far."

   "I see.  Why, exactly?"

   "Because...." I stopped and tried to put emotions into words.  It made
sense in my head.  Denver and I couldn't actually, like, properly fuck. 
Obviously.  Except when I really thought about it, I wasn't sure why. 
"Because of reasons," I finished.

   "Oh, well as long as there are reasons, that's alright then."

   "It's complicated."

   "Yes, yes.  I know.  Very complicated."

   "Well it is."

   Fay finished pinning her hair in a simple yet elegant style.  She
examined it critically, as though she hadn't worn her hair exactly that
same way a hundred times before.  She took these things more seriously than
I felt necessary, but it seemed to work for her, so what did I know.

   "I think," she said slowly, "that it's not very complicated at all.  I
think it's very simple, but you just don't want to tell me."

   "One might argue that's what 'it's complicated' often means."

   "Sure.  One might." Fay undid her hair, then mussed it back out with her
fingers.  "Relly, can I ask you something?"

   "Of course."

   "And I know this is a silly thing to say, but please try not to be
offended or upset by the question."

   "You're right.  That is silly.  I can't very well help how I react.  And
now I'm anticipating something bad, which is only making things worse."

   Fay stood still for a moment, her hair unfussed with, her appearance
uncritiqued.  Her reflected eyes bounced to me and away again a few times.
I couldn't imagine what she'd be hesitating about that way.

   "Relly," Fay said gently, "it's not your dad, is it?"

   "My dad what?" I asked in genuine confusion.

   "Your boy.  It's not--"

   "Ew!  Fay!  What the hell?!"

   "I'm just--"

   "No!  Ew ew ew." I bounced off the bed and flung my hands in disgust.  I
loved my father, but the idea of doing...  of doing....  I couldn't even
bring myself to think it.  "That's gross.  Come on.  How would you like it
if I asked about you and your dad that way?"

   "I'd find it gross also," Fay replied evenly.  "And if it helps any, I
was, like, ninety percent sure it wasn't him anyway."

   "Well then I repeat, what the hell?"

   "Because that means it's Denver."

   I froze.  I was afraid she was going to go there next.  I'd been too
distracted to mount a proper distraction offensive.  Maybe it didn't
matter. If she was even suggesting it, it meant she'd given it real thought
already.

   "I notice you aren't protesting quite so vigorously this time," Fay
said. "Or indeed at all."

   I turned away and folded my arms.  "I just don't know why you'd say
that."

   "Because, my darling, you as much as admitted that you'd been messing
around either last night or this morning.  And if you were home that whole
time, and your mom was home too, then I struggle to imagine what boy you
could possibly have been with who was so dreadful that you couldn't even
tell me." Fay snorted gently.  "Let's be real, there's no boy you'd hide
from me that you'd let your mother find out about."

   I hugged myself tightly as though it might protect me.  There wa a
slight tremble to my lip.  When I spoke, it was barely loud enough for Fay
to hear.

   "You won't tell anyone, will you?"

   "What kind of best friend do you think I am?"

   "The good kind?" I asked hopefully.

   "Damn straight." Fay's footsteps padded nearer.  I felt her approach me
from behind, then her arms were around my waist.  Her grip was much looser
and gentler than my own.  "I would never tell."

   My arms relaxed on their own, perhaps because I'd been holding them so
tight.  The rest of my body had to be systematically coaxed out of its more
subtle tension.

   "And you don't think it's gross?  Or fucked up?"

   Fay released me and sat delicately on the edge of her bed.  She crossed
her legs and clasped her hands over her upper knee.  "I wasn't sure what to
think, at first.  Of course, I didn't truly believe it at first either.  It
was just a silly guessing game.  Who oh who could Relly the Chaste have
fallen for?  Who could she be hiding?"

   "And you actually decided it must be either Dad or Den?"

   Fay shrugged.  "It made more and more sense.  If you'd denied with
sufficient conviction just now, I'd still be guessing."

   I let my arms fall to my sides.  I tried to take calm, relaxing breaths.
Fay patted the bed next to her, and after a moment I sat down.  I still
felt like I had to justify myself somehow.  As if there was some
explanation that made it alright.

   "It was just an accident, you know.  Neither of us meant to...  to...."

   "Yes, what did you get up to?"

   I flushed.  "I am not giving you details."

   "Maybe not now.  I'll wear you down, though."

   Fay's lips held the faintest pixie smirk.  I kept waiting for words of
judgement, or a sneer of disgust.  They weren't her style even at the worst
of times, but it was hard to accept her outwardly easy acceptance.

   "You're acting like Den's just some boy I met," I said.

   "Well, he kind of is.  From the right point of view."

   "He's my brother."

   "Yes."

   "It's...  that's...."

   "Incest, I believe.  Although I'm not sure how I feel about the word. 
It's so...  harsh."

   I cringed at the word, but Fay's continued gentle tones and lack of
overt emotion were helping.  This was not at all what I feared would happen
if and when someone found out what Denver and I were doing.

   "It is harsh," I agreed softly.  "But maybe it needs to be for something
like this.  It's pretty bad."

   "Are you happy with what's happened?" Fay asked.

   I nodded.  "Yes.  At least, I think so."

   "You think so?  Relly, I've known you a pretty long time now, and you've
got this new little smile lately that I've never seen before.  Don't tell
me you just 'think so.'"

   "Yeah, ok.  I'm happy with it."

   "Then it's not all bad, is it?"

   I looked intently at Fay.  "You really don't care?"

   "I care." Fay pushed her hair back behind her ear.  "I care that you're
happy.  I care that you're finally exploring the romantic side of your
life."

   "It's not romantic, exactly."

   "Sexual, then.  Whatever." Fay shrugged.  "But no, I don't care that
he's your brother.  If anything, I think maybe I'm happy it's someone who
won't take advantage of you.  You're still too much an innocent for your
own good."

   "Hey!"

   "Well you are."

   "What are you, my mother?"

   "Certainly feels like it sometimes."

   I tried to glare at Fay, but she just cracked up.  It was hard to
maintain an annoyed facade when she was giggling unreservedly.

   We just talked for a while after that.  I continued to loosen up as time
passed and still nothing bad happened.  Fay continued to gently pry for
details which I mostly refused to share.  It was nice to be able to release
some of my pent up stories and questions.  It was perhaps even nicer not to
have to carry my big secret alone anymore.

   ****

   "Shouldn't you be getting ready soon?" I asked later on that afternoon.
"Like, for real this time?"

   Fay hadn't so much as touched her hair, makeup, or clothes since I
admitted the truth about Denver and me.  I didn't really want her to go,
but I knew that was pure selfishness.

   "Enh.  I can cancel," Fay said.  "Push it back to next week, maybe."

   "You shouldn't do that just 'cause of me."

   "Sure I should." Her eyes gleamed.  "If I cancel my date, you'll feel
guilty and you'll have to share all the lascivious details you've been
holding back."

   "That's your master plan?  You better work on it some more."

   "Come on.  We'll have a sleepover, we'll stay up late, maybe get a bit
tipsy like bad little girls, and you'll tell me all the things you and Den
get up to."

   "Dear lord, Fay.  Do you really want to hear about me and...  you
know... that badly?"

   "Your brother, you mean?" Fay shrugged.  "It gives the tale a certain...
unique quality, I suppose.  A certain naughty thrill, perhaps.  But I
assure you, it's mostly about you."

   "Oh, good.  Here I was worried you'd gone all deviant on me."

   "Nope.  Just the regular amount of deviance that I've always had."

   Fay giggled some more when I rolled my eyes at her.  Still, I gave her
suggestion some actual thought.  In some ways, I very much wanted to spend
the night with her.  More time talking, discussing, and feeling supported
in my illicit bedroom activities sounded good to me.  On the other hand, it
meant no chance of sneaking some time in with Denver.

   It hadn't occurred to me at first just how much I was looking forward to
nighttime.  Our parents in bed, and Denver and me free to do whatever we
felt like.  I truly was a soul lost in my own special brand of forbidden
lust.

   "Go on your date," I said firmly.

   "But--"

   "Seriously.  Don't cancel it on my account."

   Fay pouted childishly.  "Don't wanna."

   I patted her head in a deliberately patronizing manner.  Fay, of course,
took no offence at the gesture.  I'm not sure it would have occurred to her
that it was even an option.

   "Let's get you ready," I insisted.  "And in the meantime...  I might
actually have a dirty detail to share."

   Fay perked up immediately.  "Do tell."

   "Promise you're going on your date?"

   "Yeah, yeah.  Sure, sure."

   I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath.  "Actually, I
kind of, like, need advice too."

   "I'm already hooked, Relly.  Just tell me, dammit."

   I nodded.  "Ok, so, like...  have you ever done...  you know...."

   "I'm going to slap you if you keep me in suspense like this."

   "It's hard for me, ok?  Can't you, like, do your hair or something? 
Pretend to be busy?  Just...  don't stare at me like that."

   Fay tore her intense gaze away from me.  She went to stand in front of
her mirror, then fussed with her hair enough to almost be convincing. 
"Like that?"

   "Sure.  Fine." I took another breath.  "Have you ever done...  butt
stuff?"

   "Eeeh!" Fay's hands shot to her mouth, and her expression was one of
scandalized delight.  "You're kidding me, right?"

   "It was just a question."

   "No it wasn't.  You actually let Den--"

   "Yes, ok."

   "But in your--"

   "I said yes!  And...  only a finger.  And he licked it a bunch."

   Fay squealed again.  She bounced back onto her bed beside me despite my
best efforts at keeping a physical distance between us.  "Did it hurt?  Was
it super, super gross?"

   "What?  I'm asking you for advice, remember?"

   She shrugged.  "I've never let a boy back there.  Never liked one well
enough for that.  It's so...  icky, you know?  It'd have to be for a
special occasion or something."

   I slumped a little.  "Great.  Some help you and all your experience
are."

   "I think you overestimate how much experience I have.  Just how big a
slut do you think I am?"

   I gave Fay an appraising look.  "Moderately slutty?"

   Fay gasped and her expression turned something like indignant.  "How
dare you.  I'm only slightly slutty.  Mildly slutty at the outside."

   "Fine, fine.  I just...  I honestly don't if it was right to let Den do
what he did.  Or if I should let him do more.  Or...  whatever."

   "Well, one thing I can say for sure is you kinda fucked up letting him
do weird butt things to you already.  That's setting the bar pretty high."

   I rolled my eyes.  "How about we bear in mind that I'm not actually in a
relationship with my brother.  We're just messing around."

   "Boundaries are still a thing, Relly.  Doesn't matter what your status
is.  If you let him do whatever he wants, that's exactly what he's going to
do."

   The thrill that ran through me at those words was more than a little
embarrassing.  The idea of my brother doing whatever he wanted to me was
fucked up, but perhaps also the most exciting thing in my life.  I didn't
want to let Fay know just how much I liked the sound of that, even just in
theory.

   "He's still Den," I said.  "He's not going to do anything too crazy."

   "You sure about that?  Boys are boys.  They want what they want, brother
or not."

   Again Fay's words did funny things to me.  I squirmed a little, but I
was pretty sure it wasn't noticeable.

   "So you're saying I should back off a bit?" I said.  "Restrict his
playground, as it were?"

   "Well duh.  Why go through all that anal nonsense when you don't have
to?"

   I bit my lip for a second.  "It, uh, might not actually have been that
bad."

   Fay cocked her head.  "Explain?"

   I shrugged and looked away.  "I'm just saying.  It didn't hurt, and it
wasn't as icky as I thought it would be.  I mean, I'd just showered, so
maybe that was part of it." I picked at the hem of my shirt.  "It was
mostly just weird.  Kinda nice, maybe, but definitely not as good as... 
you know...  the normal stuff."

   Fay was rapt.  "Really?  Crazy.  You actually liked it, huh?"

   "Just a bit," I said defensively.  "It's not like it was anything great.
But, I dunno, Den liked it.  And I kinda like that he liked it.  I guess."

   "Awww, you're really falling for him, huh?"

   It was my turn to act more shocked than I really was.  "Hey, no.  That's
totally not it.  It's still Den we're talking about."

   "Yes, I know.  The brother you seem to do anything for, and who you say
you like making happy." Fay shrugged.  "I'm just saying, maybe your
feelings run deeper than you want to admit."

   "I am not in love with my brother," I stated firmly.

   "Maybe you are, maybe you aren't.  Just be careful.  Don't get yourself
hurt over this, alright?"

   I thought about protesting again, but opted not to.  I didn't think Fay
was really, truly suggesting that I was in love with Denver.  Maybe she
just thought it was a risk, and that I needed to be aware of the
possibility.  He was still my brother, though, and that's what he'd always
be first and foremost.  Girls didn't fall in love with their brothers,
right?  Then again, how many of them did the things I'd done with mine
already.  Perhaps comparing myself to the average girl didn't make much
sense anymore.

   "I'll be careful," I promised.

   ****

   I ate supper with my parents that evening.  No Denver.  I tried asking
where he was, but neither Mom or Dad had any idea, nor did they seem to
care that he was missing.  Me they worry about; Denver they simply assume
is hanging out with friends or something.  Fucking double standards.

   I migrated to the living room once the parents had absconded.  Nothing
new there.  It wasn't about the couch, though, or even my zombie mom show.
I was waiting for my brother.  It made me feel more than a little pathetic
to admit to myself, but I really just missed Denver.  It had only been a
matter of hours, not even a full day, and still I kept watch and waited for
him to come home.

   Fay's words taunted me.  The idea that I felt anything more for my
brother than regular sibling affection mixed with a confused sexual mess
should have been laughable.  We were just messing around, that was all. 
Just experimenting and playing.

   It annoyed me that I couldn't help glancing toward the front door every
few minutes, just in case.

   I didn't love him; not in a romantic sense.  That much I maintained, in
spite of whatever nonsense was going on with me.  Maybe I felt something
more than I meant to, and if I did it was certainly inappropriate, but it
wasn't love.  A longing, perhaps, or a desire to spend intimate time with.
Those I could handle.

   The hour grew progressively later, as time is wont to do.  I grew
restless, and took to making occasional trips to the window, where I'd peer
out for any sign of Denver.  It was pretty desperate.  I swore at Fay for
driving me to this level of insanity, though I knew it wasn't her fault. 
At most, she'd caused me to realize that I was going through something a
bit more than I thought I was.  I'd have had to deal with it sooner or
later anyway.

   Eventually I gave in and slipped downstairs to Denver's room.  It was
dark and empty, as expected, and flicking the light on only solved half the
problem.  I just stood in the doorway for a moment or two, as though
somehow it would either summon my brother or sate my desire for his
presence.  Naturally, neither occurred.

   Instead of leaving, as I really should have done given that I was
intruding on Denver's personal space, I clambered onto his bed.  I curled
up right in the middle with my head resting on my arm.  His scent was only
just barely perceptible, but it was definitely there.  I wasn't sure
whether or not that helped any.

   I contemplated going to sleep.  I could have buried myself under
Denver's covers and gone to dream land, then presumably be awakened when he
got back.  If I was feeling extra naughty, I could take all my clothes off
first.  There was most certainly a thrill to the idea of being totally
helpless and exposed when I was discovered violating my brother's sanctum.

   It wasn't an easy idea to commit to.  My mind conjured scenarios in
which it went disastrously wrong.  What if Denver didn't come home that
night, and in the morning Mom came in looking for him and found me instead?
What if he was tired and not in the mood for playing with his little
sister? God forbid, what if he'd been out with a girl and brought her home
with him?

   No, I wasn't ready to risk it.  Not yet.  I rolled onto my back and
pondered what my actual game plan was going to be.  None of my half-assed
ideas held much merit.

   My gaze landed on the ceiling tile above Denver's bed that he'd
prevented me from examining the other day.  He wasn't around to stop me
this time.  It was something to do, anyway.  I grabbed some of Denver's old
textbooks and piled them on his bed to make up for being shorter than he
was.  With that boost, I was able to push aside the tile and peer behind
it.

   There was a small box stashed in the ceiling.  That was basically what I
expected.  The question was did I violate my brother's trust even further
and actually open said box?

   At first, I restrained myself.  I set the box on the bed and sat staring
at it, wondering what oh what it might contain.  My initial guess was porn
of some kind, except that Denver insisted there was no point to the
physical stuff anymore when one had the internet.  My next guess was drugs.
That one fit well enough, if only I had any reason to believe Denver was
that type, which I didn't.

   I put my hand on the box, still not quite ready to open it.  I was going
to, though.  I knew myself well enough to understand that I couldn't leave
the mystery raveled as it was.  At some point I was going to have to find
out.  It would drive me crazy otherwise.

   "Oops," I said aloud as I flicked the lid open.

   It wasn't an excuse that would hold up to even the flimsiest of
questioning, but it was enough for me in the moment.  I stared down at the
'accidentally' opened box in a mixture of fascination and mild horror.

   I knew about the weird things Denver did for his online girl.  It
shouldn't have surprised me that he kept his related paraphernalia hidden
somewhere in his room.  Somehow I'd been derpy enough not to put all the
pieces together until I was staring directly at my brother's small
collection of seriously naughty toys.

   A good sister would have slammed the box shut and stuck it right back
where she'd found it, never to speak of it to anyone.  A better sister
wouldn't have been snooping to begin with.

   Then there was me.

   I sat and stared and tried to decide if I was totally grossed out or
not. It was harder to tell than one might assume.

   "Just as long as he doesn't try using any of this shit on me," I
muttered to myself.

   And really, it didn't bother me if Denver wanted to do bizarre things to
his own body.  That was his own business, just as other people's
proclivities were theirs to choose.  It was my body that concerned me.

   The idea of playing with my butt had always kind of squicked me out.  I
had a perfectly good pussy for playing with already, why complicate things?
Denver had different ideas, it turned out, and I had to admit it had been
more pleasurable than I would have guessed.  Still, though, actually using
toys was another thing entirely.  For one thing, how would you ever make
sure they got properly clean after every use?  That was a disturbing
thought to me.

   I left almost everything in the box well enough alone.  Everything, in
fact, except a bottle of lubricant.  That seemed safe enough to touch.  It
probably hadn't actually been inside my brother.

   Fay's suggestion of making anal play a 'special occasion' kind of thing
was growing on me.  I didn't think I minded letting Denver have his fun
sometimes.  Just not all the time, perhaps.  And if I was going to let him
do that stuff at all, I really should get more comfortable with it.

   I made sure the door was properly closed, just in case of parental
interference.  That done, I stripped off my pants and panties, leaving
myself naked between shirt and socks.  It was a deliciously naughty feeling
being half naked in my brother's room.  Certainly not as naughty as if he'd
been present too, but it was a unique thrill in its own right.

   Thanks to Denver's overly intimate ministrations, I wasn't quite as
squeamish about playing with my butt as I otherwise would have been.  I now
knew it wasn't all bad, though it was unclear if the good was enough to
make self-anal-violation a pleasant experience.  That was, after all, the
whole point of this experiment.

   I lay on my back at first.  I tried to see what I was doing, though of
course that proved quite tricky.  I had to guide myself by touch alone. 
With a little lube squirted on my finger, I pressed it gently to my
asshole. It felt ok.  Quite slippery, not painful, not even gross, just...
ok.

   My butthole was a bit more sensitive than the skin around it.  A bit
more delicate and interesting, but not really as different as I had it
built up in my head.  Even pressing the pad of my finger a little more
firmly didn't bother me the way I half expected.  I could do it, if I
wanted.  I could actually stick my finger in my butt.  I had enough
confidence, enough comfort, and almost enough actual curiosity.

   I bought time by circling around and around the hole itself.  Every now
and then I'd press against it, teasing myself and slowly building up to
actual penetration.  Then, as though I could somehow sneak up on myself, I
simply pressed a little harder one time and the tip of my finger slid right
in.

   I bit my lip and wiggled my finger just the tiniest bit.  I felt so bad,
so naughty, so exquisitely depraved.  Lying there on my brother's bed,
toying with my forbidden hole, far more open and comfortable with myself
than I'd ever been before.

   After a few moments, I rolled onto my tummy.  I rearranged myself to get
a better angle with my hand, then fingered my tight little butt deeper
still.  My pussy began to give signals of arousal.  I blamed it purely on
the mental component of my exciting new exploration, but it was quite
possible the physical played some part as well.

   It was hard to say just what I would have discovered about myself in
time, or indeed how long I would have spent in a discovering sort of mood.
All I knew was the door suddenly opened, and I was no longer alone.

   Denver stared at me.  I stared at him.  He glanced at my butt, back to
me, then at my butt for a much longer stretch.

   "Well this is...  something," he said.

   "I was just trying it out," I said defensively.  I pulled my finger free
and sat up.  "This doesn't mean I like it or anything."

   "No, of course not." Denver stepped closer.  "You lie half naked on my
bed, having raided my personal belongings without permission, fingering
your ass like a porn star.  But no, it's nothing.  I believe you."

   I flushed and belatedly pulled the blanket around my waist to cover my
exposed lower areas.  My brother's tone wasn't enough to tell me whether he
was angry, teasing, or something else entirely.  Probably a fine mixture of
all three, really.

   "M'nothing like a porn star," I mumbled.  "They know what they're doing.
I'm just testing."

   Denver sat next to me.  He put his hand on my cheek, and I couldn't
resist leaning into it.  "Were you doing it for me?" he asked softly.

   "Partly, maybe.  Mostly I just wanted to really figure out how I felt
about it."

   "And did you?"

   "Not really."

   "Ah.  I see." Denver gestured to the expanse of his bed.  "Feel free to
carry on where you left off, if it would help."

   "You perv." I punched my brother on the shoulder.  "I'm not doing that
while you watch."

   He sighed theatrically.  "Fiiinnneee.  I'll do it.  Roll over."

   I giggled.  "You doofus.  Not everything has to be about my butt, you
know."

   "I mean, you're technically right...."

   "Besides, Fay says I should save that weird stuff for special occasions.
And I think she--"

   "Wait, what?" Denver frowned.  "You mean in general, right?  You didn't
actually tell her about me or anything, did you?"

   I winced.  "I didn't tell her."

   "But...."

   "But she kinda guessed on her own."

   "Oh fuck me." Denver shot to his feet.  He paced to the door and back,
then around the foot of his bed.  "Well now what do we do?"

   "Nothing."

   "Nothing?"

   "She's not gonna tell anyone.  And she's actually pretty cool about it."

   "Are you sure?  I mean, I believe that she wouldn't tell.  You guys have
been friends for...  how long now?"

   "Forever.  Roughly."

   "But are you sure she's actually ok with it?  She's not going to,
like...."

   "What, Den?  What would she do, exactly?  Stop talking to me?  That
seems like my problem, not yours."

   Denver rubbed his face.  "I guess.  I just...  I don't like the idea of
anyone knowing about us.  We could get in real trouble.  Or I could,
anyway. People'd probably think I forced you to do stuff, or whatever."

   "Hey!  How come I'm an unwilling participant in your scenario?  I can
make decisions for myself."

   Denver gave me a crooked look.  "Who exactly knows you and would believe
that you did messed up stuff with me of your own volition?"

   I hated that I didn't have a good answer for that.  Curse my me-ness.

   "Whatever.  Just sit down, would you?" I patted the mattress next to me.
"Stop worrying about it.  Nothing bad has actually happened yet."

   "I can't just turn off the worrying, Relly.  You know better than that."

   I nodded.  "Fair point.  Ok, how about you come sit and calm down, and
I'll let you do a weird sex thing to me."

   Denver paused.  "Just one?"

   "Maybe more.  We'll see how it goes."

   A smile cracked through his concerned exterior.  It wasn't quite enough,
but it was a good start.

   "I'm still not used to some of the things that come out of your mouth
these days," Denver said.  "I remember when you used to be such a sweet,
innocent little thing."

   "Of course you do.  That was, like, a week ago."

   Feeling emboldened, I pushed the blanket off my lap and spread my legs
just enough to let my pussy peek out.  It immediately drew Denver's gaze.

   "Goddamn, Relly," he whispered.

   I attempted to maintain a calm, confident appearance as my brother
openly stared at me.  I was a little too fidgety, though.  I wasn't in the
mood for simply sitting still and being appreciated from a distance.

   "It's not going to play with itself," I said.

   Again, Denver's mood threatened to turn toward the light.  He was
visibly torn between his interest in me and my body, and worrying about the
consequences thereof.

   "I don't know..." he said.

   "Fuck's sake, Den.  Just...  do some naughty bad things to your little
sister already, would you?"

   I actually saw the crotch area of Denver's pants twitch.  His eyes
half-closed for a second, then he shook his head.

   "Don't--"

   I spread my legs wider.  "It's right here, Den."

   Denver took a deep breath.  "Jesus fuck," he muttered.

   The switch flipped in an instant.  Denver was on me just as I was about
to try enticing him again.  His lips mashed savagely against mine as he
tackled me onto my back.  I giggled into his mouth even while his fingers
groped between my thighs.

   "Took you long enough," I said.  "I was starting to think I wasn't
enough to make you forget all your problems."

   "You've got it backwards.  You're the cause of all my problems."

   "Hey!"

   "Well it's true."

   Denver started hitting the right spots on my pussy.  His touch made it
very hard to concentrate on a proper rebuttal.

   "That's a mean thing to say to a girl you're fingering like that."

   "It is.  It's also almost necessarily true given who the girl is in this
case."

   I grinned wickedly.  "You mean your sister?"

   Denver's breath was hot on my cheek.  "Say that again."

   I swallowed hard.  "You're addicted to your own baby sister, Den.  You
want me."

   "I do.  God help me, I do."

   Two of his fingers were slowly penetrating my defenses.  I squirmed in
delight as they sank deeper into my tight little pussy.

   "I think I do too," I said in a low voice.

   Denver's breathing and the continued descent of his fingers were the
only responses I got at first.  I worried that he hadn't heard me, and I
wasn't sure I could bear to repeat myself.

   "Do you mean what I think you mean?" he finally asked.

   "That depends.  What do you think I mean?"

   He kissed me again.  I went with the flow, molding to his mouth and
enjoying his handiwork down below.

   I felt giddy with newfound liberation.  Not that I'd been overly
restrained with my brother, but I hadn't been able to really give myself
entirely.  It was all games and mental acrobatics, hedging against future
issues.  Maybe Fay's acceptance helped more than I'd realized, or maybe I
was just ready.  Either way, I didn't feel the need for pretense this time.

   My hands were under Denver's shirt without any real conscious direction.
I wanted to feel him--his skin, the outlines of his muscles--so I did.  I
enjoyed my brother's body without doubt or reservation.  His bulge pressed
against my leg, and I simply pulled him harder into me.

   "If you tell me to stop, I will," he said.

   "I won't," I replied without hesitation.

   "No games?"

   "No games."

   I bit Denver's lip gently between my teeth, because it felt like the
sort of thing I should do.  It was kind of nice.  It made me feel more in
control than I really was.  I nipped at his neck next, and again there was
a thrill of imagined power.

   Denver's hand got under my shirt.  I arched my back under his caress and
let him cup my breast.  He fumbled roughly with my nipple.  I bit his
earlobe in a gentle rebuke.

   It occurred to me that my brother might actually have been more nervous
than I was.  Of course he would be; he was leading us both somewhere
dangerous and exciting while I mostly just got to hang out and see what
happened.

   I was once again making things as easy and justifiable for myself as I
possibly could while still getting what I wanted.  That was probably a
habit I should work on breaking.  It wasn't fair to Denver.

   "I want you in me," I said as a way of taking my share of
responsibility. I loved the exciting wrongness that the simple sentence
evoked.  "I want it, Den."

   Denver groaned and grinded harder on my leg.  "Me too."

   "Good."

   I reached for my brother's belt and struggled to get his pants open. 
Now my hands were trembling just as badly as his.  We were in it together.
I liked it better that way, when it came down to it.

   Between the two of us, we managed to get Denver's pants and boxers slid
down his legs far enough that he could kick them off.  I grabbed his cock
with both hands.  It was so hard and warm, and it pulsed with his need.  It
was going inside me.  Such a crazy thought, enough to make my head spin,
but it was totally happening.

   "You haven't done this before, have you?" Denver asked softly.

   "You know I haven't."

   "Are you sure you want me to?"

   "You doofus.  Of course I am." I kissed my brother tenderly.  "I want it
to be you."

   "Even though you'll never be able to tell anyone?"

   "Except Fay."

   "Relly...."

   "She already knows.  You really gonna fight me on this right now?"

   Denver shook his head slowly.  His hips pressed forward, and his cock
slid out of my unresisting fingers.  The tip poked my waist, then the
bottom of my tummy.

   "I'm going to need to tell someone," I whispered.  "My first time, and
it's going to be with my brother.  How can I not?"

   He grunted and thrust a little more urgently.  Pre-cum slicked across my
skin.  I had him in the palm of my hand.  He wasn't really going to argue,
not now.  I sensed the desperation of his desire in a way totally
unfamiliar and exhilarating to me.

   "Do it for me, Den," I whispered right in his ear.  "Give your little
sister what she wants."

   I'd picked up on the way Denver reacted to being reminded of our sibling
status.  It was something to bear in mind for the future, because it
totally worked on him.

   I found his cock again, and this time guided it gently to where it was
meant to go.  I shivered as it scraped smoothly across my clit, then again
as Denver missed the mark ever so slightly.  But then, in a truly glorious
moment, it slipped in.

   My face was buried in Denver's neck.  I moaned into his warm, masculine
flesh.  My virgin pussy ignored no longer.  He made soft, delicate motions
as though I'd break beneath a determined assault.  It didn't matter.  My
brother was inside me, and only getting deeper with every beat of my heart.

   I kissed along the ridge of his shoulder, right up to his cheek.  Every
breath filled my lungs with his scent.  My pussy was filled up by him.  His
weight pressed down on me, snug and comfortable.  Everything was my
brother.

   "Does it hurt?" he asked.

   Even if it did, I would have lied.  "No," I whispered back.  "It feels
good."

   Denver thrust deeply inside my pussy.  He was still being too gentle,
but it was better.  I clung tightly to him, fingers digging into his shirt
as I held him to me.  His hips rocked harder and harder, and I tried to
move in time with him.  Anything I could do to encourage him.

   Nothing could have prepared me for actually being fucked by my big
brother.  Most of the individual physical sensations were familiar to me,
but I'd never had them all put together in such a way.  More than that, the
emotional impact of giving myself so completely to Denver, and taking the
same from him, was overwhelming.  He was actually inside me.  He wasn't
supposed to be, I wasn't supposed to want him or let him, but he was.  He
totally was.

   "Goddamn you feel good," Denver said.

   I smiled widely, far more than the praise deserved, if that was even
what it was.  Something about Denver being in awe of my pussy was just
funny to me.

   "You like my pussy?"

   "I do."

   "Even though it's your sister's?"

   Denver made a low, animal noise in his throat.  The sound that did
strange things to me.  Lovely and exiting things, but strange.

   "Don't say things like that," Denver said.

   "What?  Like that you're fucking your baby sis right now?"

   That was what really did it.  If I thought Denver was fucking me before,
now I knew how wrong I was.  It was all sex, sure, but the restraint and
tenderness he'd shown was replaced by need and lust.

   My brother's cock hammered away at my little pussy to the point where I
was the one starting to worry about my well-being.  My concern lasted only
briefly.  Apparently my body could take it.  In fact, I fully enjoyed it. I
was getting pounded like the experienced slut that I very much wasn't, and
all I wanted was more, more, more.

   My fingers tangled in Denver's hair, his shirt, even grabbing his ass.
Anywhere I could hold onto him, feel him, sense the effort of his muscles
under his skin.  I wanted to stay there forever; filled up, sandwiched
between my brother and his bed, getting closer to orgasm every time he
slammed into me.

   "Keep going," I breathed.  "More.  More more mooorrre."

   Pulses of sinful bliss wracked my lust-fueled body.  I pressed my mouth
to Denver's shoulder as I came.  Probably no one could have heard me
anyway, but my sense of the world around me was impaired too much for me to
risk it.  My moans were dull echoes of what they were intended to be,
muffled as they were by brother-flesh.

   My whole body felt connected to my brother through my spasming and
clenching pussy.  His cock was always moving, constantly providing little
shocks of additional pleasure to my already mind mushing orgasm.  Insanely,
I began to think it would never end; that I'd be stuck as my brother's
mindless fuck-toy forever.  A silly thought, perhaps, but in the moment I
could almost believe it, and I was fully prepared to accept and enjoy my
fate.

   My nonsensical universe fell apart rather quickly.  Denver pulled out of
me, and some part of my existence was wrenched out along with him.  I was
empty and incomplete without him.  That wasn't how I was meant to live.

   "No no no!" I whined.  "Don't stop."

   But I felt hot liquid splash on my tummy, and enough of me returned to
reality to know that it was over.  At least Denver had remained sensible
enough not to cum in me.  I wished he had, wished he could have shared that
with me too, but that wasn't the rational part of me.  That was the slutty
little sister talking, the one who didn't have to deal with consequences
because she wasn't entirely real.

   Denver stroked my cheek with his thumb.  The contact felt wet, for some
reason.  I didn't think I'd been crying.  I wiped at my other cheek and
found moisture there too.  A few errant tears?  Maybe.  I wasn't sure if
that was normal or not.

   "You ok?" he asked softly.

   I smiled.  "You doofus." I pulled his head to mine and kissed him, long
and slow.  "I've literally never been better."

   He smiled back.  He rolled off me, but stayed close and settled on his
side where he could still watch me.

   "That was kind of intense," Denver said.

   "Tell me about it."

   I dipped a finger in a small pool of cum on my tummy.  There seemed like
a lot of it, all painting my skin in translucent white stripes.  I felt
permanently marked, like everyone I ran into from now on would be able to
tell if they ever saw my stomach.  Again, not my most rational of thoughts.

   Denver brushed my cheek with his lips.  I turned my head and met him
head on in a long, luxurious kiss.  All I wanted was to snuggle with him,
to nestle unmoving against his warmth for the rest of the night.  The
responsible part of me was a party pooper.

   "I need to clean up," I whispered.

   "Ok," Denver said.

   I tried to roll away, but he held my wrist and tugged in the other
direction.  I giggled and climbed over him like he apparently wanted me to
do.  It was such a goofy move, but I kind of liked it.  I straddled his
stomach for a few seconds to give him a nice feel before climbing off and
heading to the bathroom.

   Denver took a turn in the bathroom after me, then cuddled up with me in
his bed.  It didn't occur to me to ask if I could stay; it didn't even
occur to me that not staying was an option.  In my mind, we were sleeping
together and that was that.

   His cock actually hardened a little bit when he pushed it against my
butt.  I giggled and gently swatted his leg.

   "Be good," I said.

   "You can't expect me to lie here with you and be entirely good, can
you?"

   "Hm, no, I guess not entirely."

   "I mean, you're all naked and sexy, and you're so soft, and--"

   "Ok, ok.  Don't get me all worked up.  We need sleep."

   Denver pressed his semi-hard cock into the crack of my ass.  It felt
nicer there than I cared to admit.  He'd only take it as an excuse to play
with my butt even more.

   "Maybe tomorrow?" Denver asked hopefully.

   I groaned.  "You want to do more weird butt stuff, don't you?"

   "Well...  yeah.  You kinda liked it, right?  You were doing it to
yourself when I caught you."

   "I told you, I was just testing."

   "Which you wouldn't have been doing if you weren't still curious."

   "Don't read too much into it.  I still like normal stuff way better."

   "That's fine.  We can do both."

   Denver traced a finger over my thigh, down my waist, and slowly circling
toward my pussy.  I had to grab his hand and keep it away.  Bastard was
trying to get me all horny again, and it was kind of working.

   "Calm down.  We need some sleep."

   "What about tomorrow then?"

   "I dunno.  Maybe.  If you're good."

   "I can be good."

   Denver slid a hand over my breast.  I giggled and pulled him away once
again.

   "Not like that you're not."

   "Oh, you mean behave myself.  Right.  Gotcha."

   ****

   Between Denver's naughty playfulness and my own horniness, it was a
wonder that I ever got to sleep that night.  I didn't mind being kept up
all that much; certainly the company was better than the sleepless nights I
was used to.

   Possibly the nocturnal teasing was part of the reason I awoke in a
worked up state.  The bulk of it, however, was due to my brother getting
even more presumptuous with my body than he already was.  He'd either
rolled me on my back, or I'd simply maneuvered myself there on my own.  He
was kneeling between my spread legs and softly fingering my pussy.  That
part I was fine with.  He also had a finger of his other hand about halfway
up my butt.  That part I wasn't so sure about.

   "Den, I thought I told you to be good."

   "You did.  There's a chance I just ignored you."

   "You must have, 'cause this is pretty bad."

   Denver shrugged.  "You're enjoying it though."

   I bit my lip and said nothing.

   "Or should I stop?" Denver asked, suddenly curling his fingers inside my
pussy.

   My back arched involuntarily.  He could already feel how wet I was.  He
knew I wouldn't want to stop.

   "You jerk," I said.  I gave him an off-centre kick for good measure.

   "Is that a yes?"

   "You're not putting it my butt," I stated defiantly.

   "What makes you think I was going to?"

   "That's what you were hinting at last night, if you can call it hinting.
And now you're trying to get me all horny and used to having something up
my ass at the same time."

   "Ok, you got me."

   Denver kept smiling down at my aroused, naked body.  His twin fingers
curled and uncurled in my pussy, while also being joined by his thumb on my
clit.  The finger in my butt slid in and out in small motions, and felt
slippery like it had been lubed up before insertion.  In some ways that was
at least considerate, in others it just meant that my brother had put
forethought into violating my sleeping body.  I wasn't quite sure I
approved.  He was just lucky his combined efforts were doing really nice,
tingly things to me.  Otherwise I might have had to be properly annoyed
with him.

   I relaxed and submitted to my brother's thorough fingering.  He was
hitting my favourite spots, as well as some brand new ones I didn't even
know existed.  The extra anal stimulation was actually a better complement
to the rest of it than I expected.

   Denver brought me to a beautiful first-thing-in-the-morning orgasm.  I
wriggled and clenched, and generally basked in the mild euphoria of it all.

   It didn't surprise me terribly when Denver reached for his bottle of
lube afterward.  I watched with curious detachment as he slicked up his
hard cock.  It was pretty obvious what he was up to.

   "Where do you think that's going?" I asked.

   "You know where."

   "Hmmm, no, I don't think so."

   Denver grabbed a pillow, then lifted my butt and slid it under my hips.
Admittedly, being bodily moved like that worked for me, but that was beside
the point.

   "Come on, you're all relaxed.  You'll enjoy it.  I know you like it."

   "Don't!"

   "And you'd be the first girl to let me do it to you."

   I stopped and chewed on my lip.  "Really?  You've never actually...."

   "Not in the butt, no."

   "Wouldn't that make me a total slut like you keep saying I'm not?  I
mean, if no one else has...."

   "First off, we don't have a large enough sample size to make that
conclusion.  Secondly, it wouldn't make you a slut.  It would make you
someone who's willing to try something you're secretly interested in, that
would also happen to make your brother really, really happy."

   "Really, really happy, huh?"

   Denver shrugged.  His smile held a calculated shyness.  "It'd kinda make
you my first, in a way."

   Dammit, that was actually kind of enticing.  I'd never be Denver's
proper first time, not the way he was for me, but getting some kind of
first held more of an appeal for me than I could reject out of hand.

   "You bastard."

   "You like the sound of that, don't you?"

   "Goddammit, you know I do."

   "Sooo...."

   I turned my head away.  He had me and he knew it, but I didn't want to
give him the satisfaction of openly admitting it.

   After a moment of silence, Denver dared to shift his position forward.
He pressed his steel-hard cock against my ass and let it settle naturally
in the cleft between my cheeks.  His slippery, lubed-up tip rubbed at my
butthole.  Knowing where it was going, feeling where it was going, made the
anticipation all the more visceral.

   Denver leaned over me and grabbed his other pillow from behind my head.
He boosted my bottom even higher on it's cushioned resting place, seemingly
happier with the new angle.

   "This is so bad," I whispered.

   "It's good," Denver insisted.  "You know it is."

   I shook my head petulantly, but he knew as well as I did that I was
committed by this point.  He also recognized, to my annoyance, that I
wasn't as averse to getting butt-fucked as I let on.  Maybe it was the idea
of being his first time for this one thing; maybe that was enough.  Then
again, maybe I'd never really been as opposed to it as I thought I was. 
Sure it was kind of gross, but arguably so was incest, and I sure didn't
let that stop me.

   Denver pressed the head of his cock directly against my relaxed and
lubricated rear hole.  It was my last chance to stop him if I so chose. 
Instead, I fell back on my favourite trick.  As my brother's erection
slowly penetrated my ass, I adopted a look of indifference and pretended
like nothing was happening.

   In truth, it wasn't even unpleasant.  It neither hurt, nor felt
unbearably disgusting to me.  It didn't feel as naturally enjoyable as
normal sex, mind you, but it was alright.

   "That doesn't hurt, does it?" Denver asked.

   I shrugged.  "Whatever."

   "Whatever?" Denver examined me curiously for a moment, then seemed to
realize what I was doing.  "Sure.  Ok.  'Whatever.'"

   He didn't let my act of nonchalance stop him.  He was gentle--this time
appreciated--but eager to properly ass fuck his little sister too.  That
was probably understandable from a boy's perspective.  I mainly focused on
staying calm and relaxed as my butt was invaded more thoroughly than ever
before.

   "I hope you're enjoying this," I said as casually as I could.

   Denver grinned like a kid at Christmas.  "I really am."

   "Well...  good."

   His little thrusts were getting progressively harder and deeper.  My
butt was opening up to my brother's cock, welcoming him warily, but oh so
snugly.  He was getting excited, control slipping away in tiny increments.
I didn't expect him to last too long.  Hopefully he wouldn't.  A nice quick
orgasm would be ideal, enough to sate his exploratory urges for a while.

   I gasped as Denver started rubbing my clit.  His touch was something
more than usual, something special.  The way my filled ass added to the
sensation was like nothing I could have predicted.  It was a subtle
difference, but enough to get my attention.  By themselves, getting
ass-fucked was ok, and having my clit played with was fantastic.  Together,
they had the power to melt me.

   "There it is," Denver said just a little smugly.

   I didn't even care what he thought.  As long as he kept rubbing my
favourite place while he got himself off, everything was good.  In fact,
everything was damn near perfect.

   My brother's anal treatment of me got kind of forceful, more so than he
probably meant.  If I'd just been putting up with it, I might have had to
stop him.  Since every movement he made translated into delicious
sensations in my clit, even the occasional minor pain just helped make my
eyes roll back in blissful surrender.

   As I correctly predicted, Denver didn't last as long as he had in my
pussy.  What I hadn't anticipated was that I'd actually be sad when he was
done.  He lost focus on my clit before he was quite finished in my ass,
which was the opposite of my preferred order.  But honestly, the loss of
either part of the combination brought the event back to a lower plane of
sexuality.

   At least I got to have Denver cum inside me without having to worry
about consequences.  He deposited his gooey mess as deep in my butt as he
could.  I watched his face and felt the flexing and straining of his shaft,
trying to take it all in before it was over.

   "So are you going to admit you liked it, or what?" Denver asked.

   I rolled my head to the side and feigned a yawn.  "Whatever.  You had
your fun, now how about you lick me for a while or something."

   Denver groaned and pulled me by the arm to an almost sitting position.
"What am I going to do with you?"

   "I told you.  Lick me."

   He rolled his eyes and grinned.  Then he kissed me, and once again I
felt myself melting a little.  I was pretty sure he would have let me go
and pulled out of my butt, but I wrapped my arms around his neck and kept
my lips working on his.  I wanted to feel his cock soften all the way to
nothing inside me, and dammit that's what I was going to do.

   ****

   After getting eaten out to a pair of successful orgasms, and of course
getting cleaned up, I was ready to just chill out.  Denver and I grabbed
some half-assed breakfast--that very nearly qualified as lunch--and rooted
ourselves firmly to the living room couch in front of an episode of Gilmore
Girls.  We were cuddling even before our food was gone.

   "Where do you think Mom and Dad got to?" Denver asked.

   "Don't know.  More walking maybe?  Socializing perhaps?  Hell, maybe
yard work.  Did you think to check out the window?"

   "Nope.  Did you?"

   I giggled.  "Not so much."

   It was funny to me that we were both so happy and relaxed that we
couldn't even think straight.  I snuggled deeper into Denver, the remainder
of my breakfast forgotten.  I closed my eyes in spite of our show and
simply let myself fall adrift in a flow of pithy dialogue and the comfort
of my brother's embrace.  It was all a girl could really ask for in life.

   "Damn, that's nice," Denver mumbled quietly.

   I smiled with my eyes still shut.  "You checking out Lorelai again?"

   "Well I mean, you've seen her ass.  Come on, though."

   "Is it you favourite now or something?"

   "Of course not," Denver said promptly.  "That would be yours."

   "Damn right it is."

   Somehow Denver's correct answer led to me giving him a blowjob.  The
timeline kind of made sense; I rubbed his crotch a little, he grabbed my
tits, we wrestled a bit and I ended up in his lap....  I wasn't quite sure
how or when I ended up on my knees in front of my brother with his cock in
my mouth, but I most assuredly did.

   I truly loved it.  Gone were the days of my uncertainty, my pretense,
and ambivalence.  I sucked my brother's cock, and I enjoyed it.  I liked
the way it felt, the pleasure he got out of it, the way he looked at me,
and the way he ran his fingers adoringly through my hair.  It was all so
damn good.

   Of course, it was kind of a stupid thing to do.  A blowjob in the living
room in the middle of the day was dumb beyond description, and we should
have known it.  We were just too giddy, too full of lust and hormones.  We
didn't notice our parents getting back until it was way too late.

   I heard the most horrible strangled squeak just as Denver was cumming in
my mouth.  I whipped my head around, catching a shot of cum across my cheek
for my trouble, and found Mom leaning desperately against the living room
door frame with her hand across her mouth.  Dad was still talking to her
from further away, blissfully unaware of the scene she'd stumbled into.

   Thus began the very calmest full-blown panic of my life.  We were
already dead.  There was no disguising what Denver and I had done, no
explaining it away, not even a little uncertainty to give us some wiggle
room.  His cock was out, my face displayed the result of our sexual
activity, and I was still on my knees in front of him if any further proof
were required.  It was too late to do anything about it, so I didn't.

   With a body trembling so hard it remained perfectly still, I swallowed
the load in my mouth.  I met Mom's eyes, noted the dismay, the horror, the
utter bewilderment therein.  There was simply nothing I could do to make it
any worse.  It was quite a liberating experience in its own way.

   My gaze was level, my voice unwavering.  I was already as in trouble as
I could possibly get.  "What?" I said.  "I was just getting a healthy snack
like you're always telling me to."

   Mom was unamused.  Denver let out an involuntary snort, which he tried
to cover as a cough.  The following moment dragged out for hour-long
seconds.

   "Go to your room," Mom said in an icily controlled tone.

   "'K, but--"

   "Now."

   I shrugged, stood up, and simply did as I was told.  I hadn't been
yelled at or figuratively murdered yet.  So far so good.

   Denver was trapped alone with Mom.  I hoped he'd be ok.  As the elder,
and the boy to boot, he might end up taking more heat than me.  There was
nothing I could do for him.  He was on his own.

   Once in my room, I examined my face.  The lone cum-streak across it
really wasn't all that impressive in some ways, but its significance
couldn't be overstated.  It made me feel bizarrely sexy, and even more
marked than my tummy-load the night before.  I gave into an insane urge and
snapped a picture of myself.  Maybe I'd share it with someone at some
point. Maybe it'd just be for me.  Maybe I'd delete it as soon as I calmed
down and got some rational thought back.

   ****

   Mom remained pissed for a long while after the fact.  Denver and I
weren't even allowed unsupervised contact; basically just meals and some tv
time as long as one or both parents were also present.

   I wondered many a time if Dad had ever been told what happened, or if he
figured it out, or if he remained in the dark.  He knew something was up,
he couldn't possibly have missed Mom's outrage at her children, but damned
if I was going to ask if he knew what it was.  Either way, he didn't act
any differently around me, and I appreciated that.

   Mom tried to keep us in our separate rooms at night.  For a few weeks
she'd stay up way too late to make sure there was no sneaking around. 
Little did she understand there was no hour late enough for her to keep me
away from my brother.  All three of us suffered for our lack of sleep.  Dad
suffered the brunt of a cranky, sleep-deprived family, and I tried to be
extra nice to him to make up for it.

   Eventually Mom gave up.  She maintained discipline during waking hours,
at least enough for show, but nights belonged to Denver and me again.  She
recognized what he and I already knew; we weren't going to let her come
between us.  Even when I was too tired to sneak down to him, he'd visit me
instead.  It wasn't even all about sex.  Sometimes we just slept together.
We needed it.

   I never knew when or if Mom learned to accept it, but she never brought
it up again.  Things gradually returned to normal, and I noticed neither of
our parents ever knocked on our doors first thing in the morning.  It
wasn't exactly a loving acceptance, but it was about the best we could have
reasonably asked for.

   I got to wake up in my brother's arms every morning; that was enough for
me.

   For pics visit ---->> https://bit.ly/2ReHUJI