Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Title: Athena's Dance




Summary: His sister dances and he writes the song... 


Keywords:inc,fic,erotic,hot





   Mortal Lives ---------------------------------------------

   Our parents were weird.  Not bad weird, just weird.  Dad was a professor
of mythology and comparative religions.  He spoke in terms of metaphor and
mysticism.  Mom was a biochemist, a hardcore scientist.  She used logic
like a duelist used a rapier.  For whatever reason, they clicked, a perfect
matching of opposites.  According to Mom, it was "primal attraction that
deepened quickly into pair bonding." I try not to think of what she means
by "primal," but I guess it makes sense.  They only dated a few months
before Mom got pregnant with me, and they decided to get married almost as
an afterthought, which probably drove my grandparents insane.  But I'm
getting off on a tangent.  They got married, had me, then four years later,
my sister.  Things didn't go so well with her birth, so Mom couldn't get
pregnant again after that.  I think that's why we all dote on Ath so much.

   Oh, yeah, so Dad loves mythology, and Mom's just a huge nerd. 
Apparently, I came out generally unhappy with the world, and there was
something wrong with my right eye, which kept me from opening it for a few
days.  The doctors even worried at first that I had Anophthalmia, which
means that I would have only had one functioning eye.  But after a short
time, I disproved that theory by opening both.  Naturally, my father
insisted on naming me Odin.  Yes, Odin.  I know.  It's ridiculous, but here
we are.  At least they gave me the middle name of James, so I often go by
that with friends and acquaintances.  My family will never use anything but
my first name, much to my chagrin.  My little sister calls me Od, as in
"odd." I call her Ath.

   Athena's birth was quite different from mine.  There were so many
complications.  I was too young to really understand, but I remember being
really worried about Mom while she was pregnant.  She more or less had to
remain in bed for the last three months, and very close to her due date,
she had a series of migraines.  The birth process was long and arduous,
with labor going for more than twenty hours.  When she finally gave birth,
there was quite a bit of bleeding, and as soon as that was over, something
else happened.  Mom doesn't really remember, but when Dad talks about it,
he grows quiet and solemn.

   Mom passed out briefly, and when she came to, she didn't know where she
was, and she complained of extreme dizziness and head pain.  She was
terrified and didn't remember that she had been pregnant, much last just
given birth.  The strain of the ordeal had given her a mini-stroke.  We
were all lucky, however, as she regained her memory after less than a day
and some sleep.

   The doctors were quite clear, however.  More children would pose a
lethal risk to my mother's health.  My Mom, knowing her mythology almost as
well as Dad, decided that her name should be Athena, after what a "big
headache she was."

   It's funny if you're a huge fucking nerd, I guess.  Which I am.  I think
Athena is too, in her way.  The point is, we have weird names, an odd
family, and we all love each other.  Ironically Athena didn't inherit our
mother's condition, whereas I did.

   We have problems like any family does, however.  When Mom got an
opportunity to do cutting edge research at a world-class university with an
associated hospital, we moved across the country.  Dad worked his job, fed
us, got us to school, and basically was a one-man army for the first year
or two.  Mom got home at 8 on average, but at times even slept overnight on
a cot in her office.

   I can only ever remember being protective of Athena, which I guess is
natural.  With Mom being gone often and Dad being busy taking care of us
and his own work, I stepped up.  That sounds like bragging, but it isn't.
It was more like I saw that Ath was lonely, and I decided to spend more
time with her.  I played with her.  I hung out less with my own friends,
and instead, we stayed together and invented new games.  And of course, she
danced.

   Athena was already taking dance by that time, and it was pretty much
basic instruction for small children, which is to say that they told her
what to do and how to do it, but no one freaked out if things didn't go so
well on stage.  Ath really tried, though.  She was maybe a little more
coordinated than her peers, but you could see the focus and determination
with each step she took, each little spin and turn and bend.  I wouldn't
say that she was a prodigy, but it was clear how important to her this was,
even then.

   When Mom decided to take on a second project that interested her, Dad
put his foot down.  It would require that she work even more hours and most
of the weekend.  They fought over it and looking back, I think Dad worried
that she was having an affair.  This last part turned out to be way off,
but he was right in that it meant that she would basically never see her
family.

   Mom called his bluff and took on the second project.  It turned out that
Dad wasn't bluffing.  They had one final big fight, and Mom moved out and
got an apartment.  She had agreed to weekend visits "when she could," but
we didn't see her at all for the first month.  Dad was sad, but he kept up
the house.  I started doing more chores, thinking that maybe if I was a
better child, Mom would come home.

   It was all scary to me as an eight-year-old, but for Athena, it was like
her world was ending.  She stuck to me like glue, and I didn't dissuade
her. When she was with me, she was less fragile and at least a little
distracted.  I helped her with what homework she had and listened to her
explain the new dances that she'd 'korygrafed' on sheets of construction
paper in bold crayon.  I didn't ever want her to think that she'd be alone,
or that Mom and Dad didn't love her.  That was when it really clicked
between us, I think, and I don't mean anything weird by that.  Just that we
became very in tune with each other's emotions and thoughts.  In the
future, we'd spend time apart, but the idea of not being in each other's
lives was unthinkable.

   Looking back, we've really been best friends since then.

   Fortunately for everyone, the separation didn't last all that long. 
Finally, Mom picked us up on a Friday night to spend the weekend with us.
She and Dad were polite to each other.  Affectionate even.  Mom was tired,
but she spent all of her time with us, and for the first time in my memory,
I didn't see her get out her laptop or "make a quick stop at work." When we
came back to our house on Sunday, they talked for a long time, out on the
porch swing.

   It was a cold fall night and trying to be the peacemaker, I made them
cocoa (instant of course), and Athena and I brought it out to them.  We
caught them making out like teenagers, and while it grossed me out a
little, it also made me very happy.  Mom moved in again within the month,
and she dropped the second project and reprioritized her life, becoming a
partner again to Dad and a parent to us, much more available at night and
on the weekends.  For his part, Dad accepted that some extra hours would
always be a part of Mom's job, and sometimes we'd all drive up to her
office and have dinner there together before we left her there to finish
her day.

   I guess what I'm saying is, we've had our share of problems, and we've
overcome them together too, and grown closer for it.  We seemed
dysfunctional at times, but we weren't.  In fact, the more we shared and
supported each other, the more smoothly all of our lives went.

   We were charmed, really.  It had to end sometime.

   --------------------------------------------- Craft and War
---------------------------------------------

   I grew up, got rebellious and moody, jumped from art to science, and
back again.  You could say I never really found my calling, but that
wouldn't be correct.  The truth was that I loved to mix things.  I loved to
bring science to art and vice versa.  I'm pretty sure neither Mom or Dad
knew what to do with me, so they just kept getting me books and tools and
electronics and art supplies.  I'm not a genius or anything, I don't want
you to think that.  I'm not really great at any one thing, but I'm good at
a lot of things, especially if those things are technical, mathematical, or
musical.

   Athena was a different story.  She showed us all that she was a genius.
After two years of dance, it was evident that she not only took it more
seriously than other children, but she was developing faster, with a
natural sense of rhythm and movement.  She took classes in ballet,
interpretive, fusion, historical, and contemporary dance.

   We used to play a game when I was in high school.  I always had one of
my "instruments" around, which basically were devices that I'd hodge-podge
together and then hook up to a basic PC interface.  I wrote or played music
on them.  A lot of the time, it was trash, to be honest, but sometimes I
would make something that people liked, or at least found compelling enough
to listen to.

   I would write simple songs, and Athena would dance to them.  It wouldn't
just be a one-off thing.  I'd play it, and she'd dance, then we'd talk
about it.  She'd do it again, with changes.  By the third repetition, her
movements were like a part of the song, and that was when she usually
started making suggestions to me about ways that I could improve the song
itself.

   It would have been infuriating if she wasn't always right, too.

   After we'd worked on something for an afternoon, Athena would spin and
blend through multiple styles of dance - styles that were never meant to
work together so closely.  Still, she made the transitions seem as natural
as the weather and watching her affected me.  I hoped that one day I would
create or design something as beautiful as she moved.

   Together, we worked on a project the last year I was in high school, a
composition, just between us.  We didn't work on it consistently, both of
us were too busy for that, but at least once a week we'd go over what we
had and revise and build and compose and choreograph, together.  When it
was done, we saved the music and the plans and stored it.  I was sure that
it would never really come to anything, but that didn't keep me from
opening up the files periodically, even at college, and reviewing them.  I
was sure that Ath did the same.

   Of course, she was beautiful in motion or still.  Boys (and girls) had
noticed that.  She dated, which worried me a bit.  I told myself it was
just my natural protectiveness, but she never really had time to go out
with anyone more than once every two weeks, and for that reason, her
relationships never seemed to work out.  I always felt a guilty sort of
relief when she told me that she'd broken up with someone, and I'd hug her,
and she'd sit on my bed with me and cry a bit.  It was never anything too
serious, but even then, she knew that she was giving something up for the
future.

   I dated with some success.  I lost my virginity in a fumbling way to a
girl one year behind me in high school.  Monica was lovely, and we did like
each other a lot.  When we broke up, it was kind of natural.  She never
liked Ath, though, which I found strange.  Everybody liked Ath.  A few
months after we broke up, I got the courage to ask her why.  Monica just
kind of rolled her eyes.

   "Your little sister isn't big on competition.  Didn't you notice how she
always wanted to hang out with us when we were at your house?  Or sit
between us when we were on the couch?  Or find random reasons to interrupt
us if we were in your room together?  It was a little cute and a lot
annoying.  I don't really dislike her, but she has serious jealousy
issues."

   I was surprised and confused by this.  I'd never once seen anything Ath
had done from that perspective.

   In any case, Ath focused on her dance, but her grades were almost always
perfect.  Mine were more irregular as my interest waxed and waned, which
drove my Mom and Dad crazy.  Her's stayed constant.  She admitted to me
later that she never wanted to give our parents any reason to stop her from
going to her dance classes.

   By the time I was in college, and she was in high school, she was
performing in adult-level competitions and occasionally moonlighting for
our nearest city's interpretive dance company.  They were less formal than
the kind of ballet school that she really wanted to get into, but our
parents weren't going to let her skip the rest of her education to get
ahead.  This drove her insane, but she put up with it.  Always diligent,
always bright, always happy, she pushed forward.  There was no doubt in any
of our minds that she would be famous.

   * * *

   Our grandfather Joel was the only one left out of our grandparents, the
others having passed when we were very young.  He was tall, burly, and had
hair and a beard like a German philosopher.  He was also much kinder than
he looked.  During the bad times, Athena and I had stayed with him for a
week or two.  Our family always left the city for the small university town
where he lived every Christmas season, and he visited us quite often
throughout the year.

   Mom and her father had always been close, and he'd encouraged her to
pursue the sciences when she'd shown interest.  He was where she'd gotten
her stubborn nature, and they consistently argued, if in a friendly way,
whenever they got together.

   Grandfather Joel loved Dad too because they were similar.  They both
were in the humanities, Joel teaching literature for most of his life at
the local university.  He was never overbearing or pretentious, and every
visit, he would tell us stories from world mythology and folklore, making
them come alive.

   Joel especially loved to tell stories about our namesakes: Odin and
Athena.  Everyone knows the father of the Norse gods now thanks to the
movies, and he was kind of a one-eyed jerk, but he was also wise and
adventurous and could be both kind and ruthless.  He traveled with two
ravens and two wolves and rode a horse named Sleipnir, which had 8 legs.  I
kind of still hated my name, though, since even my friends would make fun
of it from time to time.

   Athena was the Greek goddess of wisdom, craft, and war.  Craft not
necessarily meaning art, but strategy and thought.  She was graceful,
clever, and dangerous.  Ath loved her name, and at times I felt it a bit
unfair that she got one that was more "normal" than mine.  Honestly, she
seemed more like the Graces and Muses to me than a warrior, but I was wrong
about this.

   I was wrong about a lot of things, as it turned out.

   * * *

   I attended college "away" from home, but really it was a half-hour by
public transport, in the downtown of a nearby city.  I may have stayed at
the dorms, but I came home once a week, at least, and always made sure to
attend all of Athena's dance recitals.  When my friends gave me shit for
it, I told them that it was just how our family was and that I was expected
to be there.

   The truth was that I wanted to be there.  I wanted to watch her dance
and move and spin.  I wanted to see how she would surprise us all, either
as a lead or a supporting member of the troupe.  I look back now, and I
wonder.  I wonder if things hadn't happened the way they had, would we
still have been pushed together?

   I don't know.  I do know that she always looked forward to seeing me
after every dance, and she hugged me first.  I know that if I couldn't come
home in a given week, that she'd come up and visit me for lunch or dinner.
I know that she always asked me about my love life but never seemed
disappointed that with my ambitious (some would say ridiculous) course load
that I never had time to date seriously.

   I also know that I spent more time looking at her figure.  Noticing how
she filled out, modest breasts curving through a perfect hourglass into
lovely proportional hips.  I saw how her eyes, always crystal blue, seemed
to invite the observer to look more deeply.  I noticed how her cupid's bow
mouth complimented her elfin features, and how her dark brown hair poured
over her shoulders.

   I saw the confidence she had in her appearance, and the cleavage she
showed in tank tops.  She often wore tights when she visited me, and a lot
of men frankly observed her without even bothering to conceal it.  Once,
when we were eating together, I got a guy checking her out and glared at
him.  The dude had the decency to blush and look away.  Ath, always
perceptive, saw my reaction.

   "Does it bother you?"

   "What?"

   "How guys...you know...look at me?  If it does, I can change how I dress
when we meet."

   I was kind of stunned.  She was beautiful; gorgeous, even, and she
dressed to accentuate her figure.  But the clothes she wore were far from
scandalous, and even if they were, I'd never ask her to change because guys
couldn't make their eyes behave.

   "No.  Okay, yes, it bugs me sometimes.  I mean, checking someone out is
one thing, but just kind of leering and staring?  That's fucked up.  But
no, I don't want you to change.  You look incredibly sexy."

   I immediately regretted the last sentence.  There were so many words for
beauty, but I'd chosen "sexy." Why?  Fortunately, Athena smiled and
blushed, looking away in a way that somehow managed to make her even more
attractive.

   That was when I realized that I had a problem.

   * * *

   An attraction is just an attraction, though.  If you don't act on it, it
doesn't matter how weird it is.  Right?

   Yeah.  That's what I told myself.  I was lying, but it was easy.  After
my new self-awareness, I didn't hang out with Ath as much, and I'm sure she
noticed.  Fortunately, her schedule picked up, too.  I still never missed
one of her performances.

   Things went like that until I got the call.  It was late on Wednesday
night.  I had a mixed-media project due to be in a show early the next
week, and I needed to make sure that all the audio and video worked
properly for the installation.  So I was at the Art Building when I got the
call.

   "Odin, It's your mother."

   Her voice was more haggard than I'd ever remembered.

   "Hey, Mom, what's up?"

   "It's your grandfather," Mom said, "He collapsed today while he was
walking.  We're going to the hospital.  Can you make it if we go ahead?"

   It was at least an hour's drive to get to the small town where he lived,
so I understood the question.  Mom was torn.  She wanted to wait for me,
but she was afraid that if she got there late, he'd already be gone.  It
was obviously dire.

   "Of course, I'll get my car and then drive out separately."

   "Good.  Thank you.  We'll see you soon."

   I kept my car at a long-term garage near the university.  It wasn't
free, but it was cheap for students.  I had to put my project away first,
and between that and the walk over, I didn't get started on the drive for
another half hour.  I got stuck in traffic, too, so by the time I pulled in
to the hospital, I was about an hour behind my parents.  I hoped that it
wasn't the case.

   I practically ran inside and, with the help of a merciful attendant,
found my way to the ER waiting area.  Mom was crying, standing up, and Dad
was holding her.  Athena sat near them, staring blankly.  When she saw me,
she teared up too.

   I was too late.

   * * *

   We stayed a little longer while Mom and Dad signed some paperwork.  I
sat next to Ath.  When she reached out for my hand, I gave it to her.  She
leaned into my shoulder, and we were quiet for so long that I thought she
had fallen asleep.  When she spoke, it surprised me.

   "Don't feel guilty that you weren't here for it."

   I smiled wanly.

   "I should have put my stuff away faster, or just left it there.  Or
sped. Or something."

   "No.  You know him.  There was nothing you could have done.  And
besides, he'd never want you to lose your work.  You know that."

   Our grandfather had never thrown away a single thing we'd made for him,
and he was pretty infamous for living a minimalist lifestyle.  It was true.
Had he lived, he would have been the first in line to see my installation.
He might not have liked it, but any criticism would have been constructive
in nature.

   "I still wanted to say goodbye."

   As she was still leaning into me, I felt rather than saw Athena shake
her head.

   "We didn't get to either.  Not really.  He was hallucinating, we think.
He was shouting.  It didn't make much sense to me, but Mom thought it was
about when grandma died."

   "What was he saying?"

   "'Don't take her yet.  It's not right.' Over and over.  He was afraid
and angry.  He did see us then, I think.  He just sort of settled back and
closed his eyes.  He was gone just like that.  I thought he was asleep."

   I shuddered.  Something about her story chilled me.  I was suddenly glad
in a guilty way that I was not there to witness his passing.  I put my arm
around Athena, without thinking.  She cuddled into me, eagerly, leaning her
head on my chest.

   Admittedly, at a time like this, that was appropriate.

   At least I didn't jerk away guiltily when Dad came back into the waiting
room.

   "Where's Mom?"

   Athena was worried.  I could tell that this had her spooked.  She wanted
to know where her loved ones were at all times.  I couldn't blame her.  Dad
sighed.

   "She's on the phone with family and filling out forms.  She sent me out
here.  The funeral probably won't be for weeks.  Some people will want to
come who live in Europe and even Asia.  Joel has...had friends all over the
world.  Your mother wants to give them time to arrive.  We're going to have
to stick around for a while at Joel's house.  I'll go back tomorrow and get
us clothes and things, but you two don't need to stay."

   "But we want to!"

   Athena spoke for both of us, so I simply nodded.  Dad shook his head.

   "No.  I don't mean this to be cruel, but I know Odin has a project due
next week, and in two days you have your audition."

   "Audition," I said, feeling slow and stupid, "what audition?"

   Athena looked at me, and there was, for a moment, a hint of guilt.  But
why?

   "The Kilsgaard School in Sweden.  They've sent some of their instructors
around to some of the big cities in the US.  Limited auditions by invite
only.  I...got an invite."

   I smiled a little at the news, despite the circumstances.  I'd never
heard of the school, but if it had invite-only auditions, then it must be
at least prestigious.  I had no doubt that she could get in.

   "Grandfather would never want you to miss that on his behalf," I said,
and Dad nodded.  It was merely the truth.  He'd rather we skip his funeral
than miss out on real opportunities.  We wouldn't, of course, but getting
Athena home where she could rest well seemed suddenly very important.

   "Will you take Athena home and get her settled before you go back to
your dorm?"

   Dad asked the question so directly, and I just nodded, knowing that I
couldn't leave her alone tonight.  I forced myself not to think beyond the
immediate moment.  I had to get her home, make sure she ate, and get her to
bed.  It was silly, in a way, because she could and would take care of
herself.  But it gave me something to focus on, besides my own need,
suddenly escalated by the proximity of death.

   No.  I would ignore that smoldering spark.  I would quench it in other
ways, with other people, if I could, but later.  For now, I would focus on
the present.  I would not take advantage of my little sister while she was
vulnerable.  Or ever.

   * * *

   The drive home was quiet.  I looked over, and Athena was leaning against
the window of the car, passed out within minutes.  God, she was beautiful
like that.  Even in the shapeless hoodie that she had on, even in the baggy
jeans, her curves suggested themselves in the shifting light of the street
lights.  It would be easy to put a reassuring hand on her leg.  It would
probably even be welcomed, in the circumstances.

   Athena shifted and made a small noise like a moan in her throat.  I was
suddenly aware of how hard I was, and I was then plunged into deep shame.
What kind of sick brother would think those thoughts about his sleeping
sister?  Especially on a night like tonight?

   At least I was aware of my sickness now.

   God, maybe it was good that she'd be going to Europe soon if the
audition went well.

   I swerved a little as that hit me.  I hadn't considered it when she
mentioned the audition, nor the way she'd looked away from me.  She must
know that she has a good chance of making it, but she hadn't told me.  But
we share everything.  Oh.  Oh, god.

   Athena kept it from me.  She must know.  She must have figured out that
I was attracted to her.  She was smart, lord knows she was more intelligent
than me.  If she realized what I was like before I did...

   I mean, there was no doubt that she loved me as a brother.  Maybe this
was her way of getting away from my attention but preserving our
relationship.

   But was she really leaving the country to get away from my unwanted
interest?  I couldn't let that happen.  I mean, maybe she wanted to go to
this school.  It sounded terrific, and I bet she'd love Sweden.  But...if
she was going because of me...

   God, no.  I had to talk to her.  To be perfectly honest and frank with
her, and then I could offer to transfer somewhere else.  If I got away, I
could forget about...well, at least the sick parts of my affection for her.
I hoped.

   And if not, I'd be too far away to do anything about them.

   By the time I got home, I had resolved to have a direct and open
conversation with her.  After the funeral.  Now or even a few days from now
was too soon.  She needed space.  Especially from her sick older brother.

   When I pulled in to the driveway of our house, Athena stretched and
yawned lazily, somehow looking like a model striking a pose, but much more
natural.

   "Thanks," she said.

   "For what?"

   "For driving me home, silly."

   "Oh, of course."

   "You...you don't have to be up early tomorrow, right?  Thursdays you
have off.  Well, I mean, you work on stuff, I know, but you don't have..."

   "Any classes.  No, I don't.  And my project is pretty much done.  I was
just wrapping up testing tonight."

   "Well...I know its a massive imposition, but...I really don't want to be
alone tonight."

   Athena looked at me and reached out and took my hand.  Her eyes were
huge in the dark, and I saw grief and fear in them.  She just wanted to
feel safe and loved, and I was the only one around who could help.

   "Of course, I'll stay."

   Fuck.

   * * *

   Athena went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed.  I realized that
she hadn't been home at all that day and was probably starving, so I made
spaghetti with some bottled sauce and real parmesan.  Good, filling, and it
happened to be one of her favorites.

   My logic was, she'd eat a lot of it, get tired, go to sleep, and there
would be no chance for creepy behavior on my part.  For all my sick
attraction, I knew that there were lines that I would not cross, not even
in a moment of weakness.  I'd never, ever do anything without her consent.

   So that was my cunning plan.  As Ath came down the stairs, I got out
some wine too.  I was starving, so I plated both of us a large amount of
pasta, sauce, and cheese.

   "You know what would be really good right now is some...that.  That
exactly."

   Athena stopped and smiled in surprise.

   "Yeah, I'm magic.  Sit and eat.  You need your sleep."

   I did too, and to further that along, I poured myself a big glass of
wine.  To my surprise, Athena did also.  I looked at her and raised my
eyebrows.  She rolled her eyes in response.

   "What?  Are you going to tell on me?  I'm an adult, even if I'm not 21.
And at home.  I'm not going to drive.  I just...need to relax, ok?  I'm
still not sure if I'm even going to sleep and..."

   I put up my hands in surrender.

   "I know, ok?  I'm not gonna stop you.  I just don't want you to get lit
and make bad decisions that I have to explain later to Mom."

   "It's just you and me in the house, and we're both going straight to bed
after dinner.  What kind of trouble could I get in?"

   I choked on my wine in response but said nothing.

   We ate in silence, but it wasn't awkward.  We were both just that
hungry. Soon enough, we'd cleaned our plates (Athena burned a lot of
calories in any given day), and I'd had one glass of wine while she had
two. I'm pretty sure she had the second one just to provoke me.  I let it
slide.

   Athena stood up and wobbled for a moment.  I practically ran around the
table.  Jesus, she was a lightweight.  I guess I shouldn't have been
surprised.  She rarely drank, was small, and had a speedy metabolism.

   "I'm fine," she said, then steadied herself on my arm, "I'm sorry...I
stood up too fast and," she sighed, "I probably shouldn't have had two
glasses."

   "I just don't want anything to happen to you.  Come on, let's get you to
your room."

   Ath nodded but looked a bit uncertain.  She had no trouble getting up
the stairs, though, and at her bedroom door, she stopped and turned to me,
looking like she was going to say something.  Then she met my eyes,
blushed, and looked away.

   "What is it?"

   "Um...just, thanks.  For taking me home and making dinner and being
here."

   I smiled.  Ath hugged me quickly and kissed me on the cheek.  Very
standard stuff for us.  Then she went into her room and closed her door
behind her.

   I sighed in relief.  That baggy shirt and short shorts combo was really
working for me, and I was happy that I couldn't look at her anymore.  I
went to the bathroom, washed up, and went to bed in my boxers.  The day was
awful, but it was over, and I hadn't done anything that I might regret
later.  Thank god.

   * * *

   Or so I thought.

   I was exhausted, and at the best of times, I'm a sound sleeper.  That
night I was dead to the world.

   That's why I didn't wake up when the door to my room opened.  I didn't
wake up when Ath said my name (although she doubtlessly did).  I didn't
wake up when she got into the bed and under the sheet.  I didn't even wake
up when she cuddled up and lay her head on my chest.

   I woke up when I felt her hand drift down my chest to my stomach and
further down to...

   "Athena?"

   I was bleary and confused, but I knew who it was immediately.  There was
no mistaking her feel or scent.  She tensed up, and her hand jerked farther
up to my chest.  I knew it was an accident, but I was still hard as a rock
already.  Only the dark prevented her from seeing the tent I was making.

   "I woke you up.  I'm sorry, Od."

   "What are you doing here?"

   "Trying to sleep."

   "I figured that, but..."

   "Is it so bad to let me sleep here with you like this?  Just...just for
one night?  I can't sleep on my own tonight, and I love and I trust you and
I just need some comfort, ok?  Please..."

   Athena was so plaintive.  Even when she was a child, she was
self-reliant to a fault.  Her voice was so pleading and sad.  I'd hurt her
feelings somehow, as though I'd rejected her.

   Well, I had no choice.  If comfort was what she needed, then that was
what she'd have.  I'd probably not be able to sleep, but she needed rest
more than I did.

   "Ok.  Sorry.  I was just surprised is all.  You...you can sleep here if
you want.  I don't mind."

   Athena sighed deeply, relieved.  She buried her face in my naked chest,
and I felt hot tears there.  For once, my body calmed itself, and let me be
just a good person.  I caressed her hair and spoke soothingly.  I don't
remember what I said.  It doesn't matter.  The important thing was that
eventually, her breathing became slow and regular, and after that, the
tears stopped.  I let my arm drift to its natural place along her back.  I
did not allow my hand to wander.

   I sighed deeply and was suddenly more depressed than I had been.  My
grandfather had died, and I loved him.  I missed him already.  That was
obviously the primary thing that was affecting me.  The second was that
this was so close to what I wanted to have with Ath, but I must never get
any closer.  I must never ruin what I had with my little sister.

   I mustn't ever let her find out what a monster I was.

   Ath cuddled in further, lifting her leg over mine and bringing her thigh
over my cock, which sprang to hardness in an instant.  No.  No, please. 
She made a noise in her sleep then, and I was sure she was about to wake up
and ask me why I had an erection.  Instead, I felt her, almost
imperceptibly at first, grinding against my leg.  She wasn't awake, and she
wasn't going full force, but I felt her wet heat on my thigh.  Slowly and
with increasing rhythm, her hips rolled and pushed into my side.

   Athena kissed me then on my chest.  Fuck.  She was dreaming.  She had to
be.  I couldn't wake her up.  I would not do anything to wake her up.  It
was too late for that.  She kept grinding against me, increasing the pace
and pressure.  Her soft inner thigh rubbed up and down the outside of my
shorts, and I almost groaned out loud.  I was getting close to cumming,
right there, from just this basic touch.

   I felt Ath tense her body then, and shudder all over.  She made a noise
between a chirp and a moan, and then there was a sharp pain in my chest as
she bit down.  She was in the middle of a powerful orgasm.  I felt her go
limp then, a great sigh escaping her lips.

   I drifted to sleep.  When I woke, she was gone, and I heard her
downstairs, doubtlessly getting ready for her day and preparing breakfast.
I couldn't wait any longer.  All I could think about was Ath's dancer's
body rolling and moving just as before, but with my cock buried deep inside
her.  I imagined her on top of me, out of control, using me fiercely,
desperate for me to cum inside of her.

   It only took a few strokes of my hand to bring myself off, cumming a
considerable amount.  It seemed to go on forever.  As I went to the
bathroom and cleaned myself up, I felt a grim certainty fill me.

   I would never be able to stop or kill this lust.  Or the love it blended
with.  I needed to make a decision, and soon, about how I would separate
myself from Ath.

   * * *

   I went downstairs, and Ath was just finishing cooking scrambled eggs. 
There was also toast and fruit.  I smiled.  Then I noticed that she was
still wearing the baggy t-shirt and tight shorts from the previous night. I
wondered if they were still damp.

   "Hey, sleepyhead."

   I laughed.

   "Ath, it's like 7:30 am.  We got about four hours of sleep."

   "Maybe, but I feel really well-rested.  I haven't been sleeping well
lately.  Just having you there near me.  It was so nice, you know?  And...I
feel so relaxed today.  I'm sad still, but...I don't know.  It's like
something changed overnight."

   I nodded but said nothing, pouring myself some coffee.  I helped Ath
plate the food, and then we both sat down at the table.

   "Hey," she said, a little more subdued, "Mom and Dad called.  They'll be
coming home today, but they might be in and out for a bit.  They're going
to be sleeping at Grandpa's place and dealing with his stuff until at least
the funeral."

   "Oh.  That's gotta be rough for them.  Especially Mom."

   "Yeah, and um.  I was wondering.  Would you sleep here for the next week
or so?  I know it's a huge pain in the ass, and I'm not asking to sleep
next to you or anything, but...it would be nice if you were close."

   I looked across at Ath.  There was an expression on her face that I
didn't quite understand.  Expectation?  Anticipation?  Fear?  It didn't
matter.  I couldn't deny her anything.

   "Of course.  I don't have anything going on today so, I'll probably just
hang out here.  I'll need to go into the city soon, though.  If you need
anything done, let me know."

   "Mom's called off classes for me for the rest of the week, which is
nice, but I need to do some stuff for my audition tomorrow.  Do you think
you could handle food for me tonight?  And, um, maybe drive me to the
audition?  I think...I think you can watch it if you want.  They said
family members could sit in if they stayed quiet and didn't interfere."

   I thought of all the helicopter dads and tiger moms that must have
caused problems for past auditions.

   "Yeah.  I can handle that."

   * * *

   So I did.  I handled a lot of little things for the next few days.  I
didn't need to move my installation into the exhibit until Monday, so I had
time.  I cooked and cleaned and helped Mom and Dad with small errands.  I
made phone calls to family and others about the funeral.  I stayed up with
Ath and drank wine.  All of that was important, I suppose, but nothing was
quite as important as the audition that Friday.

   Athena was subdued that morning.  I got up and made breakfast that time.
She wore a simple practice leotard.  It had white leggings and a black top,
and it hugged her body tightly.  I could see...well, almost everything. 
She was distracted, so she didn't notice that I was eyeing her firm,
shapely breasts.  I caught myself quickly, however, and forced myself to
find some busy work.

   Ath told me where we were headed, and we piled into my car and left.  I
expected more silence, which wasn't unusual when she was about to perform.
She was nervous, yes, but also focused.  I admired her ability to be both
at once, and her determination to perform under pressure.  She wasn't
silent, though.

   "I'm worried, Od."

   I laughed.

   "You're going to kill it, Ath.  You know you are."

   "Thanks.  I mean, I'm going to do well.  I'm ready, and rested, and feel
pretty positive about it, even if I did kind of want to cry this morning.
That's...not what I'm worried about.  I'm worried about us."

   The way she said 'us' put a cold fear into my stomach.  She knew.  I was
sure of it.

   "What are you worried about?"

   I asked with the most casual voice I could.  When Ath answered, her
voice broke a little, and so did my heart.

   "I think you know."

   My heart sank.  I couldn't put it off any longer.  If she already knew
about my attraction, and if she rejected me or hated me for it, well, I'd
understand.  I'd do whatever she thought was best.

   "Oh, ...oh god.  I mean, I...I'm sorry, ok?  I hoped that ignoring it
would make it pass and...I'm not doing a good job of it and..."

   "We can't ignore it.  If I get this audition, I'm going away.  For a
long time.  I'm not even sure I'll be able to visit on holidays."

   I suddenly realized that we were both talking about separate things.  My
relief was dampened by my own grief.  I may have thought that separation
was the best thing, but that didn't mean that I wanted it.  I lusted after
Athena, it was true.  It was then, in that car on the way to the audition
that I realized that I loved her too, in every way a man could love a
woman. I spoke without thinking.

   "God, Ath.  I...I don't want to be separated from you.  The thought of
it hurts.  Even if it would be a good idea..."

   "I...I know," she said, reaching across and grabbing my hand fiercely,
"I...I can't stand it.  Being alone there without being able to talk to you
or see you?  I mean, we'd Skype, but...it wouldn't be the same.  I need
more than...hey.  Why do you think it would be a good idea for us to be
separated?"

   This time I could clearly hear the fear in her voice, the brittleness. I
didn't understand.  I mean, I had misspoken, true, coming a little too
close to my own thoughts.  I would have expected anger from her or
confusion.  Instead, I saw a reflection of my own feelings just a few
moments ago.  Panic and expectation of rejection.  I was confused, to say
the least.  So I lied.  If she hadn't caught on to my sick attraction, then
I wouldn't be telling her now, in any case.  After the audition and
funeral. I could put it off for that long.

   "Um.  I just meant that it would be the best thing for your future.  As
a dancer.  I mean, I looked online, and I was stunned at the kind of things
people said about this place."

   "Oh," Ath said, relief plain on her face, "that.  Um...yeah.  It really
is a big opportunity."

   At that, the car ride dissolved into silence.  Both of us were desperate
to say something, but neither of us was ready to listen.

   * * *

   The audition was at a playhouse downtown.  A small artsy place with a
certain run-down charm.  I'd been here to see some strange interpretive
stuff that friends of mine had been in.  Surrealist plays are better in
theory than in practice, in my experience.  I couldn't even tell what the
sets were supposed to be.

   In any case, the stage was empty of set dressing this time.  There was a
space set aside for dancing, and a table for the visiting teachers from the
school.  There were three of them, all women in their fifties or sixties.
They still had the trim figures of dancers, however, and they all had a
particularly sharp look in their eyes.  They ignored me as I sat in the
main audience seating, but they focused on Athena with rapt attention,
evaluating her even as she walked down the aisle.  I understood why.  She
did everything with precision and grace.  Her body was art.  I was biased,
of course, but anyone could see that she was a true dancer.

   As Athena mounted the stage and took off her sweater and baggy track
pants, I sat and worried.  I worried that she'd fail.  I feared that she'd
succeed.

   Ath stretched out quickly and then looked over to the table.  The woman
in the center wordlessly nodded.  I suppose that the performance was the
student's choice.

   I don't know what music was meant to accompany it, because none was
played.  I recognized the dance, however, or at least in part.  It
was...our old game brought to life.  As she spun and turned and bent and
flowed and leaped, I saw a much younger version of her, doing similar but
cruder movements to the song I had written for her.  I'd never seen
anything like this, however.  I doubt that the judges had, either.  They
made no change of expression, but their rapt attention spoke for itself.

   They might as well have been on the moon.  Athena was the center of the
universe, and we orbited her.  Her gravity and swift movements from feet to
hands and back again seemed almost impossible, her turns and poses perfect
expressions of human form and beauty, her jumps effortless and terrifying.
For the finale, she simply knelt and lowered her head, letting her arms
fall open as a flower.

   Here I am, she seemed to say, accept me, or do not, but I will not bend
for you.

   It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

   I was right, she'd killed it.  I loved her so much.  Too much.  And I
wouldn't see her for years now.  Was it really for the best?  I didn't
know. I was lost in my own morass of emotions, love and pride and self-hate
and fear, but when Ath stood, I snapped back to reality.

   She had wobbled, just a bit, like the night before, from the wine. 
Athena walked over and spoke to the judges briefly and shook all of their
hands.  I got the impression that they would contact her later with their
final decision.  She got halfway back across the stage.  Then it happened,
as if in slow motion.

   Athena crumpled, knees buckling first, torso, then head hitting the
stage.  She had been a graceful goddess a moment ago, now she was just a
puppet with her strings cut.

   I ran to the stage and arrived at her side first, the others too stunned
to react.  Her eyes were already fluttering open, and she tried to push off
of the floor on her elbows, but I put a gentle hand on her shoulder,
stopping her from getting up.

   "Hey, just lay down a sec, ok?" I tried to keep my voice level, but I
could hear it shake.  One of the judges had handed me a bottle of water
from somewhere, which I took gratefully.  I opened it and helped Ath sip
from it.  Color returned to her cheeks, and she smiled at me.

   "Wow.  I guess I found a new way to embarrass myself, huh?" Ath asked.

   I chuckled, but the judge spoke softly so that only the two of us could
hear.  Her accent was distinct, but her English was perfect.

   "It's nothing to worry about," she said, "it happens all of the time. 
The girls get stressed, maybe eat or drink too little, and then give their
all.  Then they just collapse.  I was a dancer, too.  We run ourselves on
fumes sometimes.  Just rest up.  You'll be fine.  It won't impact our
verdict."

   Although she'd only spoken briefly, I got the impression that the older
woman was extremely impressed with Athena.  I sighed, both proud and
resigned.  It was really for the best.

   * * *

   Athena got up a few minutes later, looking quite well.  I was still
worried about her sudden collapse and was mulling it over as we drove home.

   "Do you think it went well?  I mean, besides the end." Athena asked me.
I looked over at her, and she was actually worried.

   "You were amazing.  And...I recognized the dance.  I got distracted by
terror there but...wow.  That was really amazing that you remembered it
after all these years."

   Athena laughed.

   "Did you really think I'd forget?  I was so glad that you got to see it,
but I would have done it whether or not you were here.  It's the most
distinctive performance I know.  It's the only one that's really me.  And
you.  It's my favorite," Ath said, looking at me with a peculiar intensity,
"Anyway, I'm sorry I scared you."

   "Yeah.  About that.  You should go see a doctor."

   "Come on.  I fainted one time.  I probably didn't drink enough."

   "You got wobbly the other night too.  I thought it was the wine, but..."

   "Ok, fine, Dad.  I'll go first thing next week, ok?  I don't think I'll
be able to get an appointment this afternoon.  But you have to promise me
not to say anything to our parents."

   "Ath..."I began, but she cut me off.

   "I mean, it Od.  Mom has enough to worry about with her father's death.
She doesn't need to be freaking out about her neurotic daughter too."

   I sighed.

   "Fine."

   Athena smiled.  She almost always got her way with me.  On the other
hand, she had agreed to go, and that was all I really wanted.  When we
pulled back into the driveway, she leaned over the center console and
kissed me on the cheek.  It was sudden, impulsive.  I felt myself blushing.

   "What was that for?"

   "It was for coming with me.  For writing that song for me.  For being
protective.  I love you, Od.  You're the best man I know."

   And then she got out of the car like she hadn't just said the most
incredible things.

   * * *

   Time passed.  Ath didn't crawl into bed with me again.  I went back to
school during the days and finished the installation, hoping that it went
over well.  I was primarily into electronics engineering, but music and
computers were both fun hobbies.

   To be honest, I really wanted Ath to like it, which I guess shouldn't
surprise anyone.  I was a little disappointed, however, when I got the
email.

   "Ah, fuck," I said that morning at the table.  It was still just Athena
and me.  The funeral would be that Friday, and after that, Mom and Dad
would come home.

   "What is it?" Ath asked.

   "It's the exhibition."

   "Is it canceled?"

   "No, just delayed.  I guess the local power station failed, a lightning
strike or something.  They just decided to do it in two weeks."

   "Oh, that's good."

   "Is it?" I asked Athena, genuinely confused.

   "Yeah," she said, "it's after the funeral.  Mom and Dad should be back
by then.  They'll want to go.  It will distract them from all
this...stuff."

   "Oh, yeah.  Jeez.  I hope that they don't hate it.  It's kind
of...weird."

   "Have you met our parents?" Ath asked me with a smirk, "They're kind of
the definition of weird.  And they'll love it.  I really can't wait to see
it.  Normally you show me things like this, and your secrecy has been
intriguing."

   "Eh," I said, "It's not a huge deal.  I just kind of wanted it to be a
surprise for everyone.  If you want to see it early..."

   "No," Ath said, "I can wait.  I'm patient."

   I snickered, and she hit me playfully.  It was a relatively normal
morning.

   Later I drove Athena to the doctor.  It was pretty routine, to be
honest. She was back there for a while, and when she came back out, she
said that they drew about a gallon of her blood for tests but that the
doctor couldn't find anything obviously wrong with her.  Most of the tests
would come back in about a week after the funeral.  She promised to tell me
when she heard something.

   The week passed.  Mom called me and asked me to do a bunch of things,
most of which was already done.  I got Ath to school and home again after
my classes.  We cooked and kept things clean and went grocery shopping, so
Mom and Dad wouldn't have to do a bunch of things when they got home.  At
night, I watched TV or read with Ath on the couch.  She was cuddling with
me more than usual.  I didn't push her away.  Maybe I should have, but I
couldn't bring myself to do it.  And, I reasoned, if I enjoyed it for other
reasons, it was ok since she was initiating, and I was just passively
experiencing it.  I know it's fucked up, but it was all I had.

   The funeral came and went.  Mom and Dad came home.  I reluctantly went
back to my on-campus housing.  I told myself that it was for the best, but
that didn't make me feel any better.  I stayed close to the family during
the funeral, burial, and for most of the wake, but Ath and I didn't have
any time to ourselves.  I caught her looking at me a few times with a
strange expression on her face.

   We were both busy with schoolwork, so we didn't meet for lunch or dinner
like we typically would have.  Two weeks passed quickly, and nothing seemed
out of place.

   That was when it happened.



   --------------------------------------------- Magic and Death
---------------------------------------------

   I was excited on the night of the exhibition.  I dressed up a bit.  Not
in a suit, mind you, but I wore nicer jeans and a well-ironed dress shirt.
It was pretty casual in any case.  I had the impression that the art
department didn't take the "mixed-electronic-media" showcase all that
seriously, but that wasn't true.  oThey had drinks and food, a big,
well-lit gallery in the back of the main building, and had ensured that
each artist had the right spot for their installation.

   I was majoring in comp sci, but I was thinking about a minor in music or
maybe "interpretive art," so I was pretty interested in responses to what
I'd done as well as in seeing the works of others.  All of the other
participants were art majors, so I didn't expect to look all that great
next to them.  That was fine, I wasn't really looking to impress professors
that night.  Not even my parents, really.

   Athena was a different story.  Her performance had made me smile at the
synchronicity of things, but it had also made me a bit nervous.  Would she
think that I had done this in response to her?  Would it seem silly now?  I
didn't know, but I understood now that she was the one person who's opinion
truly mattered that night.

   I could never really tell her how I felt.  That would destroy everything
we had.  But maybe I could show her how much she meant to me.  It was worth
the hours I spent making the final changes.  Then, she could go to Sweden
and I would move away before she came back.  We'd still love each other,
but she'd be safe from my baser feelings.

   I got there before the official opening, so I could see the other
artists' work.  There was a fantastic LCD "painting" that changed depending
on how the closest person viewed it.  One appeared to be just a simple vase
with some kind of screen on the outside that created animated "greek-style"
warriors and dancers.  I even helped a freshman near to tears with their
laptop, which was driving their "lighted space" experiment.  Once we got it
booted up and running, I was very impressed that it was just LEDs in a very
dark room.

   To be honest, by the time I got back to my own piece, I wasn't feeling
that good about things.  I was interrupted by my father's hand on my
shoulder.  I wasn't shocked that they showed up as soon as the exhibition
opened.  At least I had a supportive family.  I was expecting some friends
to be by, but that probably wouldn't be until a few hours later.

   Mom looked tired, but she was definitely interested in all the displays
of light and sound.  Dad more or less accompanied her, and they slowly
moved from one thing to another, as they always did in museums, carefully
observing and experiencing, and then arguing quietly about what it meant.
For a moment, Athena and I watched them and chuckled.  Then she hit me on
the arm.  She was dressed casually too, but it was impossible to avoid
noticing that her jeans and simple black sweater both fit her like a glove.
Even with makeup, I could see that she had dark circles under her eyes, and
she looked a little pale and maybe thinner.  I suspected that she hadn't
been eating or sleeping enough, but she had a lot going on.  I would talk
to her about it later.

   "Okay, they might be saving you for last, but I'm not that patient. 
Where's yours?"

   I gestured over to the small pedestal about three feet from us.  It was
a very plain rectangular white pillar.  Inside was a laptop.  On top was a
set of what looked like clear safety glasses with a thick black frame and
earpieces built-in for sound.  Also, there were some alcohol wipes for
sanitary reasons.  Ath looked at them skeptically.

   "Do I put them on?"

   "Yes, genius, they're glasses.  You're lucky that you're so cute."

   "Jerk," she said, putting them on, then jumping back a bit with a start.

   Athena was busy.  She'd pretty much been busy her whole life.  She read
and used her phone, but didn't play a lot of games, so it made sense that
augmented reality was a bit of a shock to her, even if the technology had
been around for a while.

   "Holy shit," she said, "Where did you get these?  Did you...did you make
this?  Is this your music?"

   I laughed.  I didn't need to see or hear what she was experiencing.  I
made it after all.  I knew that on the pedestal, there was a small male
figure dancing.  Right now, it was doing the first stage of its routine,
which was a series of flips and acrobatics inspired by Russian traditional
dances and parkour.  One of my songs played as he did, more or less an
electronic dance number with some adaptive rhythm.

   "Try to grab him," I told her.

   Ath looked at me for a moment, but she reached out hesitantly as if to
carefully pick him up.

   "What the fuck?  He jumped over my hand!  And then he stuck out his
tongue at me!"

   Athena laughed.

   "Ok," I said, "This might not work quite as well, but I want you to
cover the dancer with your left hand.  Like you're trying to block him from
your vision."

   Athena didn't ask any questions this time.  She just did it.

   "Ok, what now?"

   "Now, swipe your hand like your choosing something on a big phone
screen."

   Athena did and then froze.

   I saw tears run down her cheeks, and I suddenly felt very nervous.  Had
I gone too far?  It seemed so right when I was putting the extra time in,
but now...I wasn't so sure.  She covered her mouth with her hand, and her
uncharacteristic silence alarmed me.

   "Od...did, you do this for me," she said, never looking away from the
tiny figure on the pedestal.

   "Yes.  Only for you.  No one else."

   "It's beautiful.  It's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for
me."

   Athena understood then.  I was filled with relief.  She saw the dancer.
I had made her roughly to my sister's proportions, with the same color and
length of hair.  I wasn't much of a character modeler, though, so she was
relatively low-polygon.  Even so, the tough part wasn't her appearance, it
was her movement.

   I couldn't exactly call my sister for motion capture sessions, and I
didn't have the time for that even if I could.  Instead, I watched recent
videos of her dances and combined that with my memories of her original
choreography, and then I used to that to animate the character by hand. 
This meant that the small figure that Athena was seeing moved very close to
how she really did, or at least how her brother saw her.

   I'm sure that to some people, this sounds like genius, but it isn't.  I
didn't make the augmented-reality glasses technology, but I did learn how
to use it.  I knew how to compose music and how to use software to design,
rig and animate three-dimensional characters.  It was just a matter of
combining the various skills I'd learned and made sure that it worked well
with the AR glasses...and that the surface and object detection worked
well. I really didn't want any of my little performers clipping through
hands or dancing on air.  I wanted for people to almost believe what they
were watching.

   "How...how did you do this?  I mean...I could guess, but...I don't...I
can't..."

   Athena watched for a long time, unaware that others were lining up in
her general vicinity, interested in the intensity of her reaction.  Mom
looked over at me, concerned.  I suppose that it might have looked like Ath
was having a bad experience, I smiled and gave Mom a thumbs up, and she and
Dad returned to their wandering.

   In a moment, Ath took the glasses off.  My application reset to the
default start.  She ignored the few tears on her cheeks as she carefully
cleaned them as per the instructions that had appeared on the glasses at
the end of the display, but now I was a bit worried.  I wanted her to love
her gift, to be sure.  I wanted her to think of it, and of me, when she was
gone, but making her cry?  I wasn't sure if that was truly good.  Ath
didn't cry very often at all.

   People have this image of dancers as fragile.  They are the opposite,
some of the toughest and most willful people I have met.  Unfortunately,
there's also a stigma connected with expressing emotions.  It makes you
look weak.  Ath never wanted sympathy or to look weak.  Her public
vulnerability was shocking to me in a way that it wouldn't have been in
others.

   I put my arm gently on my sister's shoulder and led her away from the
pedestal as someone I did not recognize picked them up and put them on.  I
wanted to hear everyone's feedback, but right at that moment, I only wanted
to hear from one person.

   "Are you all right, Ath?"

   "Oh, god," Ath said, sniffling and wiping her tears away, more annoyed
than sad, "I'm sorry that I'm such a wreck.  I guess I've been stressed out
because of the audition and the big changes coming and...I really wanted to
see your thing, you know?  I never expected that you would do something
like this.  Will anyone else see it?"

   "Only if they do what I told you to do.  And I'm not telling anyone
else. This was for you and you alone."

   "Why?" Ath said.  I wouldn't have believed that such a simple, one-word
question would have had such an impact on me.  She looked into my eyes, and
I felt that she could see my guilty thoughts and feelings.  Could she? 
Impulsively, I told her the truth.  Sort of.

   "Because you've been uncertain.  And because you're so beautiful, inside
and out.  I wanted to show you how I saw you...I mean, how everyone does.
And because...because I love you, and I'm going to miss you a great deal.
More than you know."

   I immediately both kicked and commended myself.  I had said too much,
but I knew that if I had said less, then Ath would have filled in the
blanks herself, and I didn't want her to get any wrong ideas with this.  I
wanted her to know what she meant to me, even if I could never tell her the
entire truth.

   "I see," Ath said simply.  "I can't believe that you...that it's so
perfect.  Is there any way to save this so I can play it back later?  I
mean, I know that I can't have the glasses, but..."

   "Yeah.  I can do that.  It won't look the same but, I can record the
animation and give it to you so that you can watch it on your laptop."

   "With the music?  The music is so important."

   "Yes, with the music, too.  It's yours as much as mine."

   Ath smiled, and there was fresh wetness at her eyes.

   "Good.  I kind of think I'd like to watch it.  And share it with people,
when the time comes."

   I raised my eyebrow.

   "What time would that be?"

   "Um, I just meant when I made friends at my new school.  They're going
to ask me about my family, and I'll show them this.  Oh my god, I can just
see the girls badgering me for your contact information.  It's going to be
really annoying."

   I laughed, but I also didn't believe her.  It wasn't like her to lie,
but it seemed to be a minor one.  Well, I'd pushed her to enough emotional
vulnerability for one night.  We stood in silence, then chatted about
everything and nothing.  I left her to mingle and talk, returning to my
installation.

   I answered questions of all kinds, from critics and novices.  Some were
insightful, and others rude.  All were interesting to me because they
forced me to think about what I'd done.  There were other models of dancers
in there too, and they randomly rotated in and out.  Not my Little Athena,
though.  She stayed a secret, only for those who knew the right gesture.

   After what seemed a short time but was most likely a few hours, my
parents showed up.  They loved what they saw, and said the most supportive
things, as parents would be expected.  It was all very wholesome, and it
gave me a little more solidity, convincing myself that the distance between
Ath and me was even more necessary.  Our family was good and, to some
degree, pure.  I would not spoil it.

   The lines thinned out, the hour grew late.  I saw Mom, Dad, and Ath
talking.  Mom walked over with Ath, but only Mom wore her coat.  Oddly, my
sister was carrying a backpack.

   "Are you sure you're ok with this, Odin?"

   I blinked in surprise.  Ath spoke up, helpfully.

   "She's asking about me spending the night tonight.  Because of the thing
I have to do at the hospital tomorrow super-early.  I told her that you
were ok with me staying, and you only live a few blocks away, so it doesn't
make any sense for me to go home now."

   In point of fact, Ath hadn't told me anything about a hospital.  I was
taken aback, but her eyes were pleading, not at all like her confident or
mischievous self.

   "Oh, that," I said, hoping Mom bought the lie.  "Yeah, that's fine.  It
makes sense."

   "Fine, I just wanted to make sure," Mom said, "I know how pushy my
daughter can be."

   "Just like her mother," Dad said, walking up.  "We should go, hon.  We
both have early days tomorrow."

   "All right," Mom said, giving in.  "Don't go to bed too late, you two!
I'm proud of what you did tonight, Odin."

   I could almost hear Ath's eyes roll as Mom kissed both of us and left.
She still had a great deal of trouble seeing either of us as adults.

   Athena waited patiently in the lobby as the evening completed.  It
didn't take long.  While others had to wait until the morning to take their
more extensive exhibits down, mine was really just a laptop and the
glasses, so I was ready to go five minutes after the show closed.

   "Ready?" Ath asked as I walked up to her.  She hid her nervousness well,
but it was there.

   "Yep," I said, holding the door open for her, feeling the chill air
revitalize me, "Now do you want to tell me why you didn't tell me about
that whole overnight plan?"

   I swear that for just a second, Athena stumbled.  For us regular
mortals, that's kind of a normal thing, but for her, it was very unusual. I
couldn't remember the last time she made an error in movement, even on
particularly tricky performances.

   "Uh, yeah.  I mean, I wasn't sure whether I should ask or not.  I
planned on it tonight, but then I saw your thing and...I got distracted. 
No, that's not true.  After I saw it, I didn't really think that I needed
to ask anymore."

   Athena turned and gave me the bratty "I-know-something-you-don't" smile
that I was all too familiar with.

   "I'm confused," I said.  "What does Little Athena have to do with you
staying over?  Also, what's this about a hospital visit?"

   "Oh my god, do you really call her Little Athena?  That's adorable!"

   "Thank you, but you haven't answered any of my questions."

   I was familiar with my sister's brand of distraction by being kind and
cute.  It didn't work on me.  Well, not very often.  Athena sighed.

   "It's part of the tests related to the whole passing out thing.  They
didn't find anything at the doctor, so I have to get some more detailed
stuff done.  I swear I'm not going to have any blood left after they're
done."

   "Wait.  They didn't find anything so...you have to go to the hospital?"

   "Come on, Od.  Are you really going to push me on this?  I don't want to
talk about it because I don't want to go.  It's more needles and more
doctors and more b...more time wasted."

   I was chastened and was silent for a bit, worried that I'd offended her.
Of course, I knew that I shouldn't push.  I was just worried about her.

   "Do you want me to go with you?  I can cancel my stuff pretty easily..."

   Athena laughed and then took my arm in both of her own, hugging up close
to me.  I felt her warmth and firmness press into me, and my treacherous
body reacted immediately.  I felt sick with myself.

   "No, Od.  They won't be doing anything too heavy.  I'd like to meet you
back at your apartment after, though.  Maybe we could get lunch?  And I
could get a ride back home?"

   "Sure," I said.

   The rest of the way became something of a cherished memory for me.  We
were light and happy.  We talked about movies we wanted to see, and Athena
told me some very dumb jokes and very raunchy stories that she heard from
her friends.  It turns out dancers are very badly behaved from time to
time. Nothing of significance was said, I don't think.  She periodically
held my arm, and it occurred to me that the few people that saw us out late
that chill night thought us to be boyfriend and girlfriend.  That felt
nice, and for some reason, it didn't make me feel as bad as many of my
other recent thoughts had.

   I should have pushed Ath about the appointment.  I should have asked her
more about why she was suddenly was staying over at my place without asking
first.  I should have used my brain.

   I didn't, though, so I was still happy for a time.

   * * *

   "Are you hungry?" I asked as I opened the door to my apartment.  It was
small, but it was mine alone, and aside from a few pairs of t-shirts on the
floor of my room, it was clean.

   "A little, but don't feel like you have to do anything..."

   "Please.  What kind of host would I be if I didn't offer you the finest
leftover food.  Also, you have the metabolism of a weasel, so you should
eat something."

   "All right.  What are we eating?"

   I looked in the fridge and got out a casserole dish and drinks.  Beer
for me, sprie for her.  Then I pulled out some plates.

   "Cold chicken Alfredo."

   "Sounds good."

   We sat at my small kitchen table and dug in.  Athena stole a swig of my
beer when she thought I was distracted.

   "Do you want your own?"

   "Um.  No.  It tastes pretty gross to me."

   "Do I need to point out that you stole some of mine?"

   "Yeah, but it's ok if it's just a sip.  And it tastes better when it's
stolen.  Forbidden things always do."

   I laughed, but inwardly I wondered if that wisdom applied to other
things as well.

   "This is really good, by the way," Athena said, breaking my lewd train
of thought.  "You made the sauce by hand, didn't you?"

   "Yeah.  Thanks.  I thought I might have added too much garlic."

   "No such thing as too much garlic.  I really miss your cooking, you
know. Mom and Dad, uh, don't excel on that front."

   "When I left for college, I swore that I would get better if only for
the sake of any future children.  It's helped with dating a bit, too."

   "Oh," Athena said, "are you dating a lot?" Her voice had a slight
coldness to it.  She never had time for it anymore, so I imagined that me
talking about it might make her a little bitter.

   "Nah.  I've managed to involve myself in too many things to be do
anything but the occasional one-night stand."

   Ath's eyebrows shot up.

   "So, you're sleeping around then?"

   "You make it sound like I'm committing a grave sin.  No, I haven't
really even been on anything like a date in months.  And when I did have
the occasional hookup, it was mutually understood that it was a one-time
thing.  Fun, but not what I really want."

   "What do you really want?"

   "Honestly?  At some point in the future, I'd just like to meet a girl
who's as weird as I am who loves me as much as I love her.  I think that
would be a nice start.  What about you?"

   Athena blinked.  I guess she was surprised that I turned things around
on her, but since she was giving me the bad cop routine, I figured that it
was all right.

   "Um.  I guess the same but, there's no time," Ath said.  Then, for just
a moment, her smile disappeared, and a great sadness clouded her eyes. 
"There's never enough time." Her grim expression was gone as soon as it
arrived, and I felt terrible for pushing.  She must have been thinking
about this a lot lately, with all of the changes going on.

   We ate in silence for a moment, but I watched my sister.  She was deep
in thought.  I was worried but also felt some kind of anticipation.  My
heart was trying to tell me something, but my brain couldn't figure it out.

   "I need to ask you something, Od.  And I would really like to have a
true answer.  Even if it's unkind, ok?  Promise me."

   "Ath, I'm not sure that..."

   "Please.  I know it's weird, but...I need to know, ok?  And I swear that
whatever you say, I will never tell a soul.  And I won't think any less of
you."

   Her attempts to reassure me had done the opposite.  I felt a dim sense
of panic inside of me.  Had she felt how strange I had been with her
lately? Did she realize how sick I was?

   "Ath, you can ask me anything.  You know that, but..."

   My sister held up her hand to stop me.  It wasn't a motion of anger or
annoyance.  For the second time that night, tears welled in her eyes.  She
had something to say, and she wasn't sure she would be able to do it if she
didn't do it fast.

   "How do you feel about me?"

   "I love you," I answered without thought or deceit.  I didn't fill in
the details, but I didn't hide any of the heat behind it.

   "God.  I mean.  I know you love me.  I mean...do you...feel...oh, this
so isn't fair.  I want to be safe.  I want to ask you first, but that's not
right.  I love you, Od.  You know, I do.  You just don't know how much."

   My world spun.  I was ready for my big moment.  My confession of lust
and sin and the shattering of the most important relationship in my life.
Instead, as always, Athena has shown how brave she was.

   God, I must have been blind to have missed it.

   "How much?" was all my coward's mouth was able to utter.

   Athena did not look away, and I saw my own guilt reflected back at me. I
knew then that she had felt the same sick shame and worried about how I
would react.  I wanted to reassure her, but she babbled, her mouth at a
run.

   "I'm in love with you.  I have been since forever.  I ignored it.  I
pretended it wasn't real, or that it was a crush.  Maybe it was when I was
little.  But you're older than me, and I couldn't stop you from dating.  I
wanted to.  I wanted to be annoying and bothersome and drive all of the
girls in your life away.  I didn't have enough time with you already, so I
thought that I was competing for you.  It was silly, and I knew it until it
wasn't.  I know you fucked her, you know."

   "Who?"

   Athena made a laughing noise deep in her throat, but there was no humor
in it.  I saw bitterness on her face, real and pure.  I'd never seen
anything like that.

   "Don't you mean which one?  There are so many, aren't there?"

   "Not that many."

   "You just told me that you have casual hookups!"

   I got defensive at that.

   "I also just told you that I haven't in months.  And why should I feel
guilty about having sex?"

   Athena looked lost, and I felt terrible.  I could tell that this wasn't
going how she had imagined.

   "You...you should feel bad!  Because...because..." Tears were rolling
down her cheeks freely now.  I had to say something.

   "Ath, you don't have to say anything more, I..."

   "Because you weren't fucking me, all right?  Because I wanted you to
fuck me!  Not some random blonde from a bar!  Me!"

   The silence was all-encompassing.  Athena looked at me, stunned at what
she had just admitted, and probably by how she had admitted it.  I realized
that I knew exactly who she was talking about.

   "You saw me with Sami, didn't you?"

   "What?"

   "The blonde.  She was wearing a tight skirt with shiny boots.  You saw
us together.  We dated for about three weeks."

   "Y-yeah.  I saw you together."

   "Not just around town, though, either.  You saw us together.  Here."

   "I just wanted to surprise you.  We had practice, and it went late, and
I thought about getting dinner with you or just saying hi.  It went so
well, I felt good about things."

   "But, you didn't knock first."

   "No.  I saw you go inside with a girl.  I stayed outside.  I listened. I
didn't want to, but I had to!  You wouldn't understand!"

   "You're wrong.  So you watched us?"

   "Yes.  I listened outside until I heard...you know.  Then, I let myself
in with the spare key.  It was so stupid, but...I had to know.  I watched
you.  The way you just took her, the way she came on your bed.  It was
awful, and it tore my heart out.  It should have made me realize how stupid
and sick I was, but it just made me want you more.  I wanted to be her.  I
wanted it so much."

   I could have been offended.  She'd violated my privacy.  But I wasn't.

   "Ath," I said quietly, "I love you."

   "I know, you keep saying that, but..."

   "No, Ath.  I love you like you love me."

   "You don't!  If you did, you wouldn't have seen other women.  You're not
a coward like me, you would have told me and..."

   "I didn't realize it until recently.  I've always loved you, you know
that.  But something changed, and I started noticing you more.  How
beautiful you were.  How sexy.  How you would be an amazing lover."

   Athena blushed, and I was amazed at myself now for being so bold.

   "I...when did you notice?  I'm not saying I don't believe you, but...I
just need to know that you aren't just saying it to make me feel better..."

   That was when I laughed.  It may have seemed inappropriate.  Ath's
eyebrows certainly went up.

   "You mean that I declared my love and intent to fuck you, my sister,
just to make you feel better for wanting to fuck me?  No.  I'm not that
selfless, and I wouldn't lie to you about this.  Its been months for me,
and I've felt awful about it."

   "Don't!  I mean...I don't want you to.  I don't want to feel awful about
loving you either.  I...god.  This is so fucked up."

   "Maybe," I said, reaching across the table and taking her hand, "but it
hasn't changed the way I feel about you.  If you don't want this to go any
further, then it won't.  We won't even have to speak of it.  But if you
do...I'm not going to say no.  I want you, and I can't pretend that I don't
anymore."

   Athena squeezed my hand hard.

   "Oh god, I want that.  I want you so much.  You don't know, but...I have
to confess something first.  And even then...I won't be able to tell you
everything that I want to.  But I need you to listen, ok?  And please don't
judge me too harshly."

   "You want to confess more?"

   Athena laughed, but I was pleased to note that it was carefree and
relieved.

   "Yeah.  So...you may have noticed, um, recently, that I have tended to
dress in certain ways.  Or find reasons to be physically close to you. 
Or...sleep next to you."

   "You did all that to make me want you?"

   "Well, no.  I mean, I would have loved it if I had caught you looking or
gotten you to say or do something, but...I did it because I wanted to.  I
wanted to be sexy for you.  I wanted to sleep next to you.  That
night...when grandpa died..."

   "Yeah?"

   "I snuck into your bed to fuck you.  I could blame the wine, but it was
me.  I wanted it so much.  If you hadn't woken up, I would have touched
you. I would have taken...taken your cock in my hand, and...oh fuck, I
can't even say it..."

   Athena was bright red now, and couldn't meet my eyes.  I was, however,
beyond shame.  Now that I knew that she felt the same way, no amount of
morality or brotherly protectiveness could stop me.  I'd only stop if she
asked me to.  I stood up and walked around the table, then knelt by her so
that I was looking up at her.

   "Athena, I'm in love with you, and it's driving me crazy.  If you tell
me to stop now, I will, and I'll be good.  I'll give you as much space or
time as you need..."

   "I don't want space, and we don't have time.  I...I mean, I might be
going to Sweden soon.  What I want...is you.  Tonight."

   Our eyes met, and I was undone.  Some of Athena's hair had escaped from
its ponytail, and I reached out and pushed it behind her ear.  She took my
hand and pressed her face into it, kissing me on the palm before moving it
down to her chest.  She pushed it into her breast.  I didn't resist.  I
grasped her gently, and she wasn't wearing a bra.  Even through the thick
material of her sweater, I could feel the hard pebble of her nipple.  She
moaned involuntarily and blushed bright red.  I couldn't help but laugh a
little.

   "H-hey.  Don't laugh at me!"

   "I'm not laughing at you.  You're just adorable, that's all."

   "Oh, wow.  What every woman wants to be told by a man who's groping her.
'You're adorable.'"

   I hadn't stopped touching her.  I never wanted to stop.  I pinched her
nipple gently through the fabric, and she bit her lip.

   "Do you really think that it's a bad thing that I think my little sister
is cute?  Or that she's also very fuckable?  Believe me, I tried to stop
thinking about it.  I thought I was sick.  Maybe I am sick, but you don't
want me to stop, do you?"

   Athena shook her head.

   "Well," I said, "then we should both be happy." Then I leaned in and
kissed her.  It was soft, and I could tell right away that she was
inexperienced even at this.  She wrapped her arms around my neck to hold me
in place, and she was powerful for her size.  I let my hands drift to her
waist.  I pulled away from her, and she chased the kiss, but I wouldn't let
her.

   "Hey," I said, slightly out of breath, "we need to talk about
something."

   "No more talk, just...um..." Athena said, too flustered to say the
words.

   "Yes, talk.  Only a little bit.  Are you a virgin?"

   Athena looked away for a moment, then answered in a small voice: "Yes."

   "All right.  You know I don't care one way or the other, but if this is
your first time, I think we might want to go slowly.  We don't need to go
all the way tonight, and if later you change your mind..."

   "No!" Athena shouted, then more quietly: "No.  We've waited long enough.
I'm not a fragile flower who you're going to hurt, and I'm not impulsive or
flighty.  This is what I want, and I know you want it too.  Please...please
just...just take me.  I'll tell you if I need to slow down."

   Hearing those words coming from my little sister's mouth in that
pleading tone pulled at my heart and my cock.  There was no way I would be
able to stop this.

   I sighed, then stood up, taking Athena's hands and pulling her with me.
I put my hands under her sweater and pulled it up slowly.  She shivered but
did not resist, raising her arms to make it easier.  I set it on the table
and took in the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen.

   I knew that Athena was in good shape.  I had no idea what effect that
would have on me.  Her belly was taut with firm definition and just the
hint of abdominal muscles showing.  Her curves were graceful and smooth,
athletic if not voluptuous.  Her breasts were small, well-shaped, and
proportioned, with hard, dark nipples.  Her natural skin, always pale,
seemed to glow in the harsh kitchen light.  I needed her, and she
apparently felt the same because she stopped waiting for me to act and
began to pull frantically at my shirt, unbuttoning it with clumsy speed.  I
let her and felt more desired than I ever had been.

   Once my shirt was off, Athena surprised me by tweaking my own nipple
playfully, which sent a shiver down my spine.  Then I could wait no longer.
I pulled my sister into a fierce kiss, crushing her into my chest.  She
wrapped her arms around me and clung to me.  I released her mouth and moved
on to her cheek, and then her neck.  I nipped and felt her gasp.

   "You're going to leave marks!"

   "Good," I said, consequences the farthest thing from my mind.  I took
Athena by the hand and led her to my small bedroom.  I forced myself to
slow down and got on my knees before her.  I unbuttoned her jeans and
unzipped them.  I pulled them down, looking up at her.  She stood
nervously, uncertain, but excited.  A flush had spread over her whole
chest.

   Athena's legs were, unsurprisingly, well defined, and muscular.  I'd
seen them before obviously, but never this close and never this much of
them.  She wore small, black panties, and I wonder if she genuinely planned
for me to see them.  I caught the scent of her arousal, and for a moment,
my only thought was seeing more of her, but she stopped me with a nervous
question.

   "Do I look all right?"

   "What?" I said, genuinely perplexed.

   "I mean...I don't look too...I don't know, too muscular?"

   "Athena, you are without a doubt the sexiest woman I have ever seen in
my life, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise."

   Athena laughed, delighted, and amused.

   "You've never fought anyone in your life."

   "Maybe I just never had anything worth fighting for before."

   Then I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of her panties and pulled them
down gently.  She stepped out of them.  Finally, my sister stood before me
naked and vulnerable.  God, she was shaved too.  Completely.  I guess she
really had planned on going all the way tonight.

   "Uh," Athena said, "w-what do you want me to do?  I'm not very um, hey,
what are you...oh fuck...oh, fuck yes..."

   Athena was saying something, but I ignored her and started to kiss her
on her thighs and mons.  I stood and pushed her on the bed, on her back,
then knelt between her legs again and began to lick and kiss her swollen,
sensitive lips and clit.

   "God, you taste so fucking good...and I'm not sure I've ever seen
someone so wet..." I couldn't believe that I was saying these things to my
little sister, who I loved dearly, but I needed to.  I couldn't stay silent
while I was pleasuring the most perfect woman alive.

   "Oh, god...that feels so good.  No one has ever...oh fuck, Od, I'm...oh
god...OH GOD..."

   While Athena spoke, I gently and slowly inserted a single finger.  There
was no resistance from a hymen, but I hadn't expected one for someone so
active.  It was easy to tell by her reaction, however, that no one other
than herself had ever put their fingers inside of her.  Her back arched and
her legs held my head in place, almost impossibly strong, which only turned
me on more.  I alternated my tongue and finger, gently exploring her and
her incredible taste.

   Athena's hands entwined in my hair and gripped with sudden strength, her
whole body was taut and quivering.  I heard her, but I couldn't see her, my
head down, my hands holding her thighs in place.  She moaned and then cried
out and then screamed, something that I'd never heard from any of my lovers
before her body collapsed in sobs.  I kissed her thighs as they released me
and moved up next to her, her body still tensing and releasing in
aftershocks.  Her hand shot out and held mine as another one took her.  I
kissed it and waited, as patiently as I could.

   Athena's breathing slowed, her body relaxed, her eyes closed.  I wanted
her so badly, but I felt strangely content watching her like that, her
breasts settling, her face relaxed and at peace, her natural smile breaking
through.  I sat there for a long time, just watching her and caressing her
smooth, firm, stomach.  I decided that if she passed out now, I would let
her sleep.  Ath smiled then as if she could read my thoughts.  Her eyes
fluttered open.

   "That was amazing, Od.  I've never...I mean, I didn't even know that it
could be like that..."

   "No one had ever gone down on you before?"

   Athena shook her head silently then blushed, looking away shyly.

   "Their loss," I said simply, "you taste great."

   "Oh my god, you can't just say that!"

   I chuckled.

   "You're such a virgin."

   "Shut up!"

   "But you are!"

   "I can't believe I let you go down on me."

   We stared at each other for just a moment and then burst out laughing.
It was an old conversation, in a way.  Just an older brother making fun of
his little sister, but in a friendly way.  We were safe from judgment or
censure.  We were free to be ourselves.

   We were free to be in love.

   We spoke for a few minutes, our hands intertwined.  The words were
trivial, but the feeling wasn't.  I could tell, without a doubt, two
things. One, Athena really wanted to get me off.  Two, she was utterly
exhausted.  I decided to be a gentleman and pulled her up close to me so
that she could sleep on my chest like she had before.

   "Love you, Od," she said dreamily.  "I just...need a rest.  Then I can
do..."

   She trailed off into sleep.

   "Love you too, Ath."

   I watched her sleep for a long time.  I was still hard, and a bit
frustrated, but it was worth it, for this perfect moment.  At last, after a
long while, I fell asleep as well.

   * * *

   "Hey, I'm leaving," Ath said quietly.  She was dressed entirely in fresh
clothes, while I was still asleep, just in my boxers.

   "Shit, wait, I'll come with."

   Ath shook her head.

   "No.  You rest.  I want to come back later and...um...spend the day with
you.  If that's all right."

   Ath met my eyes after speaking the words, but then looked down and
blushed.  What she really wanted to do later was clear to me, and I wanted
it too.

   "God, yes.  I don't have class today."

   "Good.  Well, I should be back in two hours or so.  Wish me luck."

   I stood up quickly and embraced her, kissing her briefly on the lips,
surprising her with my speed.

   "Good luck.  I'll be waiting."

   * * *

   I got up, showered, and dressed in record time.  I had two hours, but I
wanted to make the best of it.  I hopped down the stairs in my building and
went a few blocks in the opposite direction of where Ath was going.  My
destination was a deceptively large bodega, where I knew I could find what
I needed.

   Wishing a half-hour, I had returned with several bags of fresh
ingredients, juice, and milk.  I wouldn't start cooking until she was on
her way back, so I took the additional time to clean my house a bit more,
getting rid of dust, and generally working off some nerves.

   I wanted to impress my little sister.  Which was weird, because no one
knew what kind of slob I could be better than her.  Maybe I just wanted to
be sure and take the time to tell her that she was special.  She had been a
bit edgy about the other girls in my life, and I never wanted her to worry
about her place in my heart.  Or my bed, for that matter.  Athena, ever
thoughtful, texted me, letting me know that my idea was the right one.

   On the way back.  <3 Hungry, you want to grab breakfast?

   I smiled and got cooking.  By the time she came in (without knocking, as
was her tradition), her omelet was on the stove.

   "Oh my god, you jerk.  You didn't have to do this."

   Athena's admonishments were tempered by the size of her smile.

   "I wanted to.  Yours has bacon and three kinds of cheese, by the way."

   "Fuck.  I mean...I kind of wanted to blow you before, but now it's
definitely happening."

   Hearing my adorable little sister drop that line was too much.  I almost
dropped the pan.

   "You can't just say stuff like that," I said, plating her breakfast with
some difficulty.  I put her food in front of her with narrowed eyes, before
pouring her some orange juice and starting my own food.

   Athena was laughing now, pleased with the effect that she had on me. 
Obviously, she had time to think about revenge for my words last night.

   "You should have seen your face.  Anyway, I might have said it to shock
you, but I wasn't joking.  I really want to try...um...going down on you
after last night."

   "You don't owe me, you know.  I...I really do want you, but I don't want
to rush you."

   Ath was quiet for a moment before responding more seriously.

   "Did you...um, fantasize about me?"

   "Yeah.  I did.  I do.  Does that bother you?"

   "No," Ath said, giggling again, embarrassed, "It's great.  More than
great.  Did it occur to you that I might have fantasized about you, too? 
That I might have wondered what your cock tastes like?  Or what noises
you'd make if I did a good job pleasuring you?  I really want that.  I want
to show you what...what a good girlfriend I can be for you.  If you let
me."

   It hadn't occurred to me.  Now I couldn't stop thinking about her being
alone at night, thinking about...me.  She would be exploring herself with
her fingers with one hand while the other squeezed and tweaked her breasts,
just as I would have.

   My little sister had cum on her fingers, thinking about me.  How many
times?  I was turned on but also, maybe strangely, humbled.  I never
thought of myself as someone worth loving that much.

   "God, Ath," I said, finally, joining her at the table with my own
omelet. "I...no one has ever said anything like that to me before."

   In reply, she gave me a not-quite-shy smile that promised much and kept
eating.

   * * *

   After we ate, Ath insisted that I relax while she did the dishes,
something that we fought over endlessly as children.  Meanwhile, I sat on
my somewhat old couch and wondered what kind of date I should take my
sister on.  Or was that even what she wanted?  Did my sister want to just
stay in all day?  If so, I was more than open to the idea.  I was suddenly
glad that I'd bought extra stuff for lunch and dinner.

   On the chance that she wanted to perhaps have something like a real
date, I started looking through movie times, museum hours, and other
activities that you could find in the city in the middle of a weekday.  I
was a bit distracted when she came into the living room, tossing the apron
she had used in the hamper.  She stopped in front of me and waited for just
a moment.  I was about to stop what I was doing when I found my phone taken
adroitly from my grip and tossed rather haphazardly onto my beat-up coffee
table.

   "Hey," I said, by way of both reaction and greeting as I looked up at my
sister.  She didn't respond, except for a hungry look that I'd never seen
before.  Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyes were half-lidded.  She
was breathing hard already.

   Without a word, she straddled me on the couch, grinding against me
shamelessly as her mouth found mine.  Her arms wrapped around my neck and
her hands entangled in my hair.  My hands found her tight, firm ass and
squeezed it harshly.  She moaned into my mouth.

   I stopped worrying about movie times.

   We made out like love-starved teens, my hands rubbing her back and ass,
her leaning back and letting me maul her neck and move my hand under her
shirt.  There was no more thought of brother or sister, of relations, or
possible consequences.  There was only that moment and what we needed so
desperately.

   "Fuck," I said as I stripped her shirt off and began to nibble and suck
at her breasts.  I unbuttoned her jeans, and my hand disappeared into them.
I felt her wet heat, and I had never been so hard.  I was ready to strip
her tights off and fuck her right there.  On the sofa or the floor if
needed.

   Ath had stopped moving, however.  She was clearly aroused still, but she
was frozen, arms wrapped around my back, head buried in my chest.  I felt
her quivering with nervous energy, and I knew that she wasn't ready to
cross that line yet, no matter what she'd said earlier.

   "Too fast?" I asked gently.  She nodded.

   "I'm sorry," she said.  "I know that I said I was ready last night,
but..."

   "No need," I replied.  "I'll wait as long as you want.  It would be
easier if you weren't so damn sexy, though."

   "Flatterer.  Well...I mean, I'm not ready for...you know...yet, but I
did say I wanted to go down on you.  Will you let me?"

   "Um.  Yes.  Please."

   "I'm not very good...I mean...I've never even tried except on some
vegetables.  God, that's so embarrassing."

   "Cucumbers or Zucchini?  Never mind, I don't need to know.  Don't worry.
Just...just do what comes naturally, and I'll tell you what I like, all
right?  Remember, it's me.  I love you, and I want you."

   Ath stood up and laughed.

   "Does it make me sick that hearing my brother actually say that is
somehow hotter than it was in any of my fantasies?"

   I shook my head, not having a witty response to that particular
question.

   Athena got on her knees in front of me and looked up at me.  Her smile
turned from confident to shy again, and I wanted to wrap her up in my arms.
I wanted to protect her forever.  I wanted to ravish her until she cried
out.  I wanted her.  She leaned forward and rested her hands on my thighs,
the lowness of my couch making it easy for her to look down at my cock. 
Maybe I'm biased, but it seemed larger than it ever had been as she wrapped
her small hand around it.  It was undoubtedly the hardest that it had ever
been.  I groaned, and she released me in surprise, before giggling and
grabbing me again.

   Then, slowly, she moved down.  At first, she just experimentally kissed
the head of my cock.  I gasped.  She looked up at me, seeking approval, and
I nodded.  That's how it went.  She nuzzled my cock, and I loved it.  She
licked me from root to tip, and I moaned.  She started to move her hand up
and down, and then, slowly, unsurely, began to lower her perfect, tight
lips around my tip.  I groaned so loud I think I might have scared her a
little bit.  Then she stopped.

   "Am I doing all right?"

   "Yes.  God, yes.  Please don't stop, Ath.  I need..."

   Then she was back on my cock, moving with more speed now.  She couldn't
get me very deep, and nor did I expect her too, but she kept trying.  As
her mouth moved up and down, her small left hand worked up and down closer
to the base, and her right gently massaged my balls.  There was no way she
was doing this spontaneously.  Had she read erotica or a guide online?  Did
she do it to learn how to best blow her older brother, who she wanted to
please more than anyone in the world?  That thought drove me close to the
edge.

   I bucked my hips up and plunged deeper into her mouth and even her
throat.  I didn't want to, but I was losing control.  Ath didn't resist or
try and stop me.  She didn't even shake her head or say no.  She just rode
it out, looking up at me with her deep brown eyes.  Ever since she was a
little girl, she'd wanted my approval.  I guess that she still did.

   Just for a moment, my mind took in the whole site before me, as if I
wasn't getting close to the strongest orgasm of my life.  I saw her, the
most beautiful woman in the world, her toned bare torso leaning forward, my
cock in her mouth.  Her hands were back on my thighs, and I could see that
rather than try to get a breath of air, she was going to try and keep
pleasuring me.  Not only was she not fighting me, but she was also diving
down on my cock, now, forcing her throat around the head of her brother's
cock.  My cock.  When her perfect cupid's bow lips touched the root of my
member, I lost control.

   "Ath!"

   I didn't really give her any warning, just a sudden shout, but she just
sped up her movements.  I came, pulse after pulse of hot, sticky cum
filling my gorgeous little sister's mouth.  I heard her choke and gag but
then swallow, over and over.  She drank me down like my seed was the best
milkshake that she'd ever tasted.  She ended with a little gulp and then
released my cock.  A trickle of cum ran down her gin, and she wiped it off
with a careless swipe of her hand.  Then she smiled sweetly, before looking
a little more uncertain.

   "Was I good enough, Od?"

   I almost laughed at how amazing she'd been for her first time, but I
knew how that would have been taken.  Instead, I nodded.  I wanted to
speak, but I was breathing too hard.  Ath noticed how worked up I was, and
that made her smile even more.  All she'd cared about was getting the man
she loved, off.

   How was she ever this perfect?

   * * *

   After she was done, we both got dressed again, and she climbed up into
my lap.  I held her, and we made out slowly.  I don't know for how long we
sat there, talking about nothing, making each other smile and laugh.  It
wasn't like any other afterglow I'd ever had.  I guess love made it that
way.

   After a while, I remembered what I had been doing before Ath so
wonderfully interrupted me.

   "You want to go see a movie?"

   Ath rolled over to look at me, excitement playing in her bright eyes.

   "Really?  Like a real date?"

   "Exactly.  And if anyone sees us, it won't be too weird.  Plus, it's
dark...

   "Oh, I see.  You just want to take your little sister somewhere that you
can feel her up, you perv." Ath's words were harsh, but she was grinning in
approval.

   "You said it, not me," I rejoined.  "Seriously, though, it might be
nice."

   "All right."

   We went out together into the day.  It had turned drizzly and crisp, the
skies gray, but it couldn't bring down our mood.  It took everything we had
not to hold hands openly on the street.  We were in the city, and close to
the university where I attended.  Too many people knew my entire family on
sight.

   Still, we could brush against each other.  Or find reasons for our hands
to drift together even for just a moment.  We didn't even try to stop
smiling in any case.

   When the lights went down in the theater, all that control and caution
went out the window.  My hand ran slowly up her leg to her crotch.  Her
small hands reached out and grabbed mine, but not to remove it.  Instead,
they held it in place as she ground against it.

   I couldn't move my arm, but I could still keep my palm firm and move my
fingers.  I didn't need to be on the inside of her tights to feel how
swollen and wet she was for me, already.

   The previews had just started as she lifted the small arm that separated
our seats and then pulled my my arm back and held on to it for dear life.
She was so strong for her size that her grip caused me pain, and the
ferocity of her desire aroused me even more.  Her breath began to catch,
and I realized that she was already close again.  I leaned in.

   "Bite my shoulder, Ath.  It's all right."

   Ath nodded, just before the orgasm seized her.  She bit down hard enough
for me to feel it through my jacket and shirt, and the moan that my clothes
muffled was still quite loud.  I heard a chuckle from a few rows back. 
Someone knew what was going on, even if they couldn't tell who was doing
it.

   Athena fell backward into her seat, limp and panting.

   "Thank you," her voice said weakly.  I took my somewhat tingling and
bruised arm back and put it around her shoulders, pulling her into me.  I
hoped every one of our dates would be like this.

   * * *

   After the movie, I took her out to a late lunch at the deli around the
corner.  I had a reuben, and she had turkey and provolone on a bagel, and
we argued about the movie, in a good-natured way.  Was the protagonist
justified in leaving the heroine in the end?  Was she a fool for chasing
after him?

   As we did, our hands touched and squeezed almost without any conscious
volition on our part.  Ath's foot caressed my calf, and the little smiles
that she was giving me were driving me crazy.  I couldn't help myself.  I
had to respond.

   The deli was busy, almost crowded, really, but it would have been
difficult for anyone to hear what we were saying.  That's how I excused
what I said.  That, and trying to shock my little sister.  Some things
never change, I guess.

   "You know," I said, "I'm not sure I've ever had such a good date before.
Even if you are my sister."

   "Really?" Ath responded, eyes wide.

   "I mean, I've certainly never been with someone this smart or
attractive. Or who sucked my cock that well, for that matter."

   Ath giggled and smacked my upper arm in the way that she had many times
before, but I could tell that she was pleased with my obscene compliment.

   "You're such a pervert," she observed.

   "Yeah.  Maybe.  But I've only really been thinking about one girl for a
while now.  Today I found out that she's the most giving sister a guy could
ask for, not to mention being a responsive lover.  Really, all I can think
about right now is how you tasted last night, and how you're going to feel
on the inside when I'm stretching you out with my cock.  When you're ready,
of course."

   Ath's smile disappeared, and for a moment, her expression turned
unreadable.  Then her eyes explored mine, fervently, and she bit her lip. I
could tell that she was on the verge of making a decision, although I
worried that maybe I'd come off as pushy.  I hadn't been trying to convince
her of anything except how great a day I was having.

   Athena reached out then and took my hand, hesitating for a single moment
before leaning across the table and whispering in my ear.

   "I need you.  Right now."

   I paid with far more money than was necessary and told the waitress to
keep the change, having a sudden need to be elsewhere.  We left, both
walking fast to my apartment, our hands gripping each other tightly
regardless of the wisdom of doing so openly.

   It was going to happen.

   * * *

   We entered the apartment like a storm.  Athena's phone buzzed, but she
ignored it, tossing both it and her purse on my small kitchen table as she
walked past.  She spared me a single, desperate glance before she strode
for my bedroom, discarding her coat and other clothes along the way.  I
paused for a moment, watching her fine form emerge from the concealing
fabric.

   I am not exaggerating when I say that to me, she appeared like a
goddess, svelt, and perfectly proportioned.  I felt my breath catch in my
chest, and my eyes were glued to her bare back and firm buttocks as she
disappeared from my view.  Then, as if under a spell, I gave chase.

   I followed her example, stripping as I went, although I forced myself to
stay slow and in control.  I wanted to push her down and ravish her.  I
think she might have enjoyed that, but I knew, deeply, that she needed
something else.

   As I entered the room, Athena stood there, nude, looking at me.  Her
eyes were adoring but uncertain.  Her arms were shyly crossed over her
chest, and she bit her lip.

   "Are you all right?"

   I asked the question softly as I approached her.  She nodded but then
looked down at my erect cock, and blushed quite fetchingly.

   "I am.  I want this.  I just..."

   "You just what?"

   Athena laughed then, nervous but charming.

   "I don't know what to do.  I mean, I know what happens.  I'm not dumb.
I just...I don't know what you want.  I don't want to let you down, and I'm
afraid I'll fuck up or that it will hurt.  I just...I'm losing my mind.  I
want you right now, but I don't think I'm ready."

   I reached out and took Athena's hands in my own, which had the added
bonus of allowing her breasts to be seen in the soft afternoon light from
the window.  I met her eyes and smiled.

   "Ath, do you trust me?"

   "You know I do."

   "Do you love me?"

   "Yes.  God, yes."

   "All right.  I want you to lay back for me on the bed."

   Ath let go of my hands and sat down, leaning back first on her elbows
and then laying down with her head on my pillow, her hair spilled out
beautifully behind her.  She was, however, still quite rigid.

   "Relax for me.  Focus on your breathing."

   "Like before a recital?"

   "Exactly like that.  Just relax.  Good.  Let your arms fall back. 
Spread your legs just a bit.  Don't worry about holding them open or
assuming some position, all right?"

   Athena nodded, and ever so slowly, parted her legs.  I had to take a
moment, and I'm pretty sure my cock throbbed right then.  She was so wet
and swollen and perfect.  Her inner thighs gleamed for me.  I wanted to
fill her to see my own seed mix with her fluids.  I felt guilty, but it was
suppressed by this more primal urge.  I climbed on the bed and knelt
between her thighs.

   "Part your lips for me, Ath." I was giving instruction now, and she was
always a good girl about following my lead.  I thought of a million ways
that could be fun, but later.  For now, I needed this to be us together.

   "L-like this?" Ath asked.  She had taken her fingers and gently spread
her entrance for me.  I held my cock and positioned it at her labia.  I
looked her in the eyes.  I didn't need to ask the question, she nodded. 
Then, I slowly pushed the head of my cock inside of my beautiful little
sister.  She cried out.  I stopped.

   "Are...are you okay?" I was out of breath already, and it took every
ounce of will not to force myself the rest of the way.

   "Yes.  I...I am.  It didn't even hurt.  It was just...a big surprise. 
A very big one." Ath laughed, and I joined her before I slid another inch
inside of her.  I didn't let up this time but kept going.  I drew it out
now, realizing that I was not the only one being tormented.  I felt Ath's
hands on my biceps, and then my back, then my ass, pulling, begging me with
her body more and more insistently.  I resisted and refused to move more
quickly, both for her sake and to tease her.  She moaned then, a needy
animal noise.  God, I loved her.

   "Fuck," I said as I finally filled her completely.  Her legs, small but
powerful, wrapped around my own, holding me in place.

   "Od...od...it's...it's almost too much.  This feels...so..."

   "...perfect," I said, completing her thought.  Then I kissed her.  We
made out.  I did not move yet, but she ground against me slightly, shifting
her hips, begging me to do so.  After a moment, our lips and tongues
separated.

   "All right, Ath, I'm going to tell you what you need to do.  Are you
ready?"

   I took an instructive tone, but I was still playful.

   "Yes, sir," she replied.  She was playful, too, but her tone was not
mocking.  It was ready.  Eager for instruction.  Keen to please me.

   "I'm going to set the tempo and the rhythm at first.  Don't worry.  I
want you to let yourself go.  Don't try to control yourself or your body or
mine.  Just try to move with it and do what comes naturally.  Like you
always have."

   Ath nodded but still looked unsure.

   "I'm going to write the music, and you're going to dance," I said, this
time more softly.  At last, I saw Athena's face relax, and then she bit her
lip as I started to thrust inside of her.  I focused on my own breathing at
first, if only to keep myself from cumming in a minute.  I moved out, and
she gasped and desperately pulled me back inside her.  I kept up a slow,
almost agonizing pace.  She met me, and rolled her hips and clawed at my
back, ever so slightly.  When she realized that I wasn't going to move
faster yet, she arched her back so that each time I entered her would go as
deep as possible.  Soon she was rolling and flowing with each stroke.

   Ath pulled her self up against me and nipped my neck gently.  How she
knew that would drive me wild, I don't know, but it did.  I accelerated,
and she met me, her hands ever moving, her hips rolling and flexing and
grinding.  This wasn't like sex.  This was like two halves of the same soul
returning and meeting and flowing back together.  I had never felt anything
like it.

   "I love you," I said without thinking.

   "I love you, too, Od.  I'm yours now."

   Then we kissed again, and things got really interesting.  My pace picked
up, and she met it.  I grew forceful, pushing her breath out with each
impact, and she took me, held me, groaned and grunted.  I ebbed and slowed
and became gentle, and she clung to me, crying out.  She had cum, already,
and I hadn't realized it.  In fact, later, she would tell me that the whole
time was like one, long orgasm for her, with moments of varying intensity.
We reached one of those moments, and I sensed that it was time to go more
quickly.  I sped up the tempo, changed to short thrusts, grinding against
her.  I was ready to reach down and thumb her clit, but it wasn't
necessary.

   "Od...od...odddd," Ath breathed, cumming again.  I smiled, and she
kissed me, and our tongues danced, and our bodies writhed together.  I
wasn't going to ask for permission to cum inside of her, because she'd
already granted it.

   We stopped kissing and met eyes, and she smirked, just a bit.  I knew
that she wanted to change the dance, as she always did.  I nodded.  She
rolled me over then, smoothly.  She didn't force it, any more than I had
forced her legs apart.  She was leading now, her melody commanding my
rhythm.  I was on my back, and she was on top.  My hands explored her body,
grasping her perfect tits hard, perhaps too hard.  But no, she moaned in
pleasure.  It pleased her to be touched like this by her brother, by me. 
She wanted my hands all over her, on her, inside of her.  She took one of
them and sucked a finger into her mouth, lewdly before releasing it and
smiling, putting her hands on my chest and moving at a suddenly increased
pace.

   "Ath," I said, almost as a warning.  I was going to cum, and soon.

   "Od, I want this.  I want this.  I want you."

   "Fuck, Ath.  I want you, too.  I've never wanted anyone more."

   My hands were on her waist now, urging her movements.  She was on top,
but I was in the lead again.  She responded to my guidance perfectly,
becoming my little pleasure vessel, moving and receiving my cock,
anticipating my needs before I knew I had them.

   "Od...look at me."

   I did.

   "I love you, Ath."

   Ath looked down at me, building the tempo again.  My balls ached for
release.  I wanted nothing more than to fill her.  I wanted to make her
mine and make her pregnant and damn the consequences.

   "Od, I need to be your only one."

   "You are, Ath.  You're the only one."

   "I...I need to be your wife, Od.  Please.  Please be my husband."

   Fuck.  That was...probably insane of her to say, but we all say crazy
stuff during sex.  No, that was wrong.  She was serious, and I knew that
she had thought about this.  Maybe that wasn't what she had planned to say,
but she had definitely intended that to be our relationship.

   Ath wasn't thinking in the short term.  She rarely did.  She wanted
commitment, and in return, she gave it.

   "Fuck, Ath.  You're mine.  You're my wife." I growled the words, both
loving and possessive, and I felt her body tense as they pushed her over
the edge.  Then I released myself inside of her, rope after rope of thick,
sticky, fertile cum filling her up.  I felt it fill her and run out along
the outside of my cock.  Ath milked every last drop out of me before she
collapsed on my chest, breathing hard.  I wrapped my arms around her back
and held her close, crushing her to my chest, unable and unwilling to let
her go.  Under her breath, she spoke.

   "I love you, Od.  You're my husband, and my brother and I will never let
you go."

   We fell asleep, still joined together.

   * * *

   Ath was gone in the early morning hours when I woke back up.  There was
no note, just the hint of her scent in the air.  I was sad, almost
immediately.  I wondered if that's why she hadn't said goodbye.  I picked
up my phone, and there was a single message from her, sent an hour or so
ago.

   I'm home safe.  I didn't want to wake you.  I meant everything.  I'm
yours.  See you soon.  <3

   --------------------------------------------- Hubris
---------------------------------------------

   Looking back, I don't know why I thought that this would be all right.

   We were in love, and it was real, and a living, growing thing.  It
wasn't like any other relationship that I'd ever been in.  It felt like a
fire, growing and surging, out of our control, but it didn't feel bad.  It
felt natural and safe.

   But how could that be true?  Every old taboo told me that what we were
doing was wrong.  Sinful, even.  The gods and goddesses in old stories
sometimes were brother and sister, and they married and fucked and loved,
but they were just stories.  Sooner or later, we'd be caught, or one of us
would fall out of love, or jealousy might overwhelm our love.  Or one of
the many other minor disasters that often befell passionate affairs.  And
then we'd be separated forever.

   We didn't care, though.  We had each other.

   * * *

   It was then that I started noticing the little things.  Athena wasn't
performing or practicing as much.  She told me that since she would be
attending the school starting next year, she didn't need to work so hard.
Ath fell asleep earlier and slept later.  I just took that to be her
finally allowing herself to relax a little.  It was the physical changes
that I noticed the most, however.

   "You're getting thinner," I said, as Ath was pulling her shirt back on,
sitting on the corner of my bed.  I watched her back disappear into the
shapeless sweatshirt with a little feeling of loss.  I wanted more of her.

   "You weren't complaining about my body a few minutes ago," Ath said with
a sly smile as she stood and turned, crawling back over the bed to me and
kissing me.  I was still nude, and even this small attention was making me
harden again.

   "It's not a complaint, you doofus.  Are you...are you feeling all
right?"

   "What do you mean?"

   Her question was to be expected, but I could sense something behind it,
a reluctance to speak.

   "I guess you've been paler lately.  Are you eating enough?  Am I wearing
you out too much?"

   "No, Od.  You're not.  And if you were, I'd lie and say the same thing.
I want to be with you as much as possible before I have to go.  Do you
really want me to stop coming over to spend time with you?"

   "No.  No, I'd never want that.  I just don't want to hurt you."

   Ath smiled at me.  For whatever reason, that smile has never left me. 
There were soft circles under her eyes, and her cheekbones were perhaps a
bit too prominent, but she still held a radiant beauty.

   "You'd never hurt me, Od."

   * * *

   A day or so later, I was supposed to pick Ath up and take her out.  To
our parents, it was just us palling around since she would be leaving the
country soon.  We told them that we were double dating and made up a casual
girlfriend and boyfriend for each of us, respectively.  For us, it was a
single date.  We'd go somewhere nice, but relatively outside of town, let
ourselves be a couple, joke and flirt, and then make love in my car.  Maybe
if she was feeling brave, she'd spend the night at my place, and we'd
barely sleep at all.

   I had gotten done with class and my project work ahead of schedule, so
rather than just show up on time, I went early.  There were utility workers
digging up pipes on one side of the street, so I had to park a little
further down than I usually would have.  I'd decided to come out and spend
some time going through of Grandfather's things and see if there was
anything that I wanted to keep, as Mom had been bugging me to do for weeks.
I passed the afternoon reading through some of his letters and journals,
eventually picking some of them and choosing a few books that I knew were
valuable to him personally, if not actually rare or desirable to a
collector.

   That was how I caught her.

   I'd heard Mom and Athena get home, perhaps a little early themselves,
but nothing too out of the ordinary.  Ath's classes were done, and Mom
could, to an extent, work her own schedule.  They must have missed my car
as it wasn't out front like normal.  The two of them were in the middle of
a heated discussion as they entered the kitchen through the side door.  I
was halfway down the stairs, getting ready to call out a greeting, but
rather than keep going and announce myself, I waited a moment and listened.

   "I don't understand why you're doing this, Ath.  It's not like you to be
so...deceptive."

   My mother's tone of voice was heavy with concern.

   "Mom, we've been over this.  It's just not worth worrying everyone until
they have to know."

   "I'm not talking about everyone, Athena, I'm talking about your
brother.  You were fine with your father and I finding out, but you're
still keeping it from him.  Why?"

   "I...I just ...he's been through a lot, all right?  He was close to
Grandfather, and I want him to be happy for a little while.  Is that so
bad?"

   "It is when you're lying to him.  You know your brother as well as I do.
He won't take this at all well, but it will just be worse if he finds out
the wrong way.  You have to tell him."

   Ath had apparently had enough.  When she raised her voice, it was
shocking to me.  Sure, she and Mom had their disagreements, but nothing
ever really escalated to that point.

   "Let me do this my own way, all right?  I'll tell him when I'm ready!"

   I couldn't wait any longer.  Now that she'd shouted, I couldn't even
really pretend that I hadn't heard them.  I went downstairs the rest of the
way.  As I turned the corner, I could see surprise on both of their faces.
I was already a bit angry, but more than that, I was afraid.  Perhaps my
unconscious had been trying to tell me something, and my love-addled brain
hadn't been up to listening.

   "Tell me what?" I asked the question softly.

   "Goddammit," Ath said, putting her hand over her eyes, which had begun
to tear up.  She turned around, facing the counter.

   Mom looked at her and then me, and there was no anger left in her eyes,
only sadness.  She walked over to where Ath stood and put her arm on her
back, briefly, speaking softly to her.  Ath nodded, then Mom left the
kitchen, touching my arm briefly before leaving us alone.

   "What haven't you been telling me, Ath?"

   My stomach was in knots.  I had to know.

   "Od, just...just give me a second."

   "Ath.  Please."

   My sister sighed.  It was heavy with sorrow.

   "I...I have cancer, Od.  Leukemia, to be specific."

   "Oh my god," I said, feeling the world shifting under me.  "The
fainting. The weight loss...oh...no.  How long have you known?"

   "Since right after Grandfather's funeral."

   "What?  Why didn't you tell me?  I don't..."

   Ath stepped closer to me, now, putting her hands on my chest.  I suppose
that might have been bad for our mother to see, but I knew that she wasn't
watching.  She wouldn't have wanted to witness this conversation, having
experienced her own version of it.

   "Od," Ath said softly, "I love you.  The night after the show, I was
going to tell you what the diagnosis would probably be.  I was even
thinking of asking you to come along..."

   "Why didn't you?"

   "You know why," Ath said, whisper-quiet, looking up at me, the faintest
hint of a smile appearing on her face.  God, she was so thin.  How hadn't I
seen this coming?  "I told you my truth, and you told me yours, and things
went differently than either of us expected."

   "Fuck, that's...I don't..."

   I was crying now.  Not sobs, just small streaks of grief.

   "Od, please.  Please don't hate me.  I wanted this to be something that
you could remember.  This time we had.  That we still have.  I didn't want
this hovering over everything.  I'm going to treatment.  It's not like I
don't have a chance.  I'm not dead yet."

   "Wait.  Can I donate bone marrow to you?  I've read about that before,
and..."

   "No, Od.  I mean, maybe, you might be compatible.  It's still a little
early for that, though.  It hasn't been that long, and...and there's always
a risk to you because you have Mom's condition."

   "Oh, so now you're making medical decisions for me, too?  It's a minor
issue, it doesn't mean anything."

   It wasn't minor, and I knew that, but I didn't care.  I'd do a lot worse
than lie to my sister if it would have saved her life.

   "I won't let you risk your life for mine.  I know that you would, but I
won't allow it.  So drop it."

   "Goddammit, Ath, this is so fucking unfair."

   Ath laughed.  It was so cold and bitter and lonely that I held her then.
I simply did not care how it might have looked to anyone else.

   "That's what I've been saying," she said softly, before holding me back
just as firmly.

   * * *

   We still went out.  I was in my relaxed sport coat and Ath in a cute red
dress that hugged her body just right.  To the rest of the world, we
probably looked like a couple that loved each other, but that was currently
having a spat.  I suppose we were.

   We didn't speak much in the car but held hands until our palms were
sweaty and uncomfortable.  We didn't end up going anywhere fancy, in the
end.  Just a cafe somewhere out of the way.  Ath waited until the food
showed up to get serious again.

   "Od, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you something."

   I sighed.  It wasn't in exasperation, but sorrow.

   "What can I do?"

   "I want to give you power of attorney.  I have a living will already,
but I'm afraid that Mom and Dad won't honor it."

   "Jesus, Ath...I..."

   "I know, Od.  But I don't want to end up a shell, just sitting there in
a hospital bed, dead to the world, not allowing anyone to get on with their
lives."

   I met her eyes.

   "So, you want me to be the one to kill you?"

   "No, I want you to be the one that lets me go.  I'm not asking you to do
anything rash.  Only if I'm brain dead, and even then only if Mom and Dad
won't do what I've already asked of them.  It's important to me."

   "Fine," I said, just wanting the conversation to be over.  I wasn't
lying, either.  I understood why she worried and would probably have asked
for the same consideration were our positions reversed.  I didn't have to
be happy about it, though.

   Ath smiled at me, then.  Perhaps there was a bit of sorrow in it, but it
was real, nonetheless, and it made my heart beat faster.  Even after
everything that had happened over the past few hours, she had that power
over me.

   * * *

   As I got into the car, I was surprised to find Ath's hand on crotch
almost immediately, rubbing it up and down, bringing it to life faster than
any woman had ever been able to.  She bit her lip, and I could see the
excitement in her eyes.

   "I'll find a place to park," was all that I could say.  After driving
for what seemed like an hour but was more like two minutes, I found a small
park that was perfect.  We were in a safe suburb.  The worst that could
happen was that we'd get caught by a cop, and neither of us cared that
much.

   "You're my husband," Ath said, simply, as she unzipped my fly and fished
my cock out.  I pushed the driver's seat back.  She was small, and there
was plenty of space for our purposes.

   "Yes," I said, "and you're my wife." It all seemed to make sense now. 
Ath's jumping ahead to these words, this need for total commitment.  I had
thought it was mere possessiveness, jealousy even.  It wasn't.  It was just
that there wasn't any time to spare for courtship.

   "God, I love your cock," Ath said dreamily as she hitched her dress up
and pulled the gusset of her panties over to the side.

   "In a bit of a rush, are we?"

   "Shut up," Ath said, giggling as she straddled me.  She aligned the head
of my cock to her labia and slid up and down a few times, enjoying the
groan that I made in response, but then she looked me in the eye and
impaled herself on it.  She was ruthless with herself, and I winced as I
saw the expression on her face as she forced me inside of her.

   "Ah...ah, that's what I need."

   "Ath, don't hurt yourself."

   "Maybe I deserve it," she said, as she started riding me.  "Maybe I'm a
lying little brother-fucking slut, and I deserve to be punished.  I
certainly don't deserve the kind of pleasure you give me."

   "Don't say that, Ath.  Please," I was aroused at the idea of spanking
her maybe, but the rest of it disturbed me.

   -----

   "I was so desperate for you.  I still am.  I won't ever stop being that
way.  I lied so I could be the girl you wanted, and I lied because I love
the way you see me."

   "Fuck, Ath..." I was moving beyond the capacity for words.  She was
clearly excited as well, so I wasn't sure how she was managing.

   "You see me as pure and beautiful, and I can see it in your eyes, even
right now, while you're fucking me.  It makes me want to be that girl for
you, Od.  I want..I want to be a better person for you."

   My hands slid up under her dress, and I thumbed her clit, making her
gasp and lean forward, kissing me, finally.  My free hand squeezed her
tight ass harshly, and she started rolling her hips faster, grinding more,
breathing hard.

   "You...you are beautiful and pure.  You're better than I deserve, Ath.
Cum for me.  Cum on my cock.  Let me hear you cum."

   Ath did let me hear her.  And probably the rest of the parking lot and
anyone living nearby.  She started with a few little yelps and cries, but
as she moved faster and faster, her body went more and more rigid. 
Finally, she wrapped her arms around my neck as if only I were keeping her
afloat, and she cried out, air forced from her lungs in a series of
desperate, animalistic noises.  At last, she fell limp against me, her
energy spent, her noises more like sobs.  I held her like that for a long
time, still inside of her, still hard, just rubbing her back and stroking
her hair.

   Suddenly moments like this meant a lot more to me.

   "You didn't cum," Ath said, forlorn.  I giggled.  "What's so funny?  I
just want my brother to be happy."

   "You sounded like a girl who dropped her ice cream cone."

   "Well, getting filled with your cum is important to me.  It lets me know
how much you love me."

   "Get in the back seat, and I'll show you right now."

   With almost hilarious speed, she climbed over the center console and
went to the back.  Thank god for SUVs.  I followed her back and pushed her
forward until she was bent over the bench seat, ass up in the air.  I
pushed her dress back up and pulled her panties down.  She was so
vulnerable like that, so perfect.  She looked back over her shoulder at me,
eager, unsure.  I entered her again, and this time I didn't worry about her
well-being as much.

   "I need you, Ath.  I need you, and I need your pussy, and I can't
imagine being without you.  I hate that you lied to me, but I love you, and
I won't stop."

   I was fierce with her, but not truly rough.  I knew what she liked, and
she knew what I needed.  Right now, I needed to punish her, even if only a
little.

   "That's it, fuck me.  Fuck me, Od.  Punish me.  Use me.  Make your
little sister into your little slut."

   Ath had picked up dirty talk pretty damn quick.  I was over the edge
very quickly, cumming in her, filling her as deeply as possible, my hands
on her waist, holding her in place.  For a bit, we were quiet like that,
just panting in the car.  Then I pulled out and helped rearrange her
panties and her dress.  We got back into our own seats, strangely quiet, if
relaxed.  We were both thinking about the same things but in different
ways.

   "I can't even stand to think about the idea of you dying, Ath.  I...I
don't know what I'd do."

   Ath reached out and held my hand.

   "I won't lie to you anymore.  I won't keep any of it from you.  It's
serious, but nothing is set in stone.  If anything, what we have has been
helping more than you know."

   "Does my cum have some secret healing power?"

   Ath giggled.

   "No, dummy.  Making love to you gives me life, Od.  That's what keeps me
going.  Knowing that you're there and that you love me."

   * * *

   Over the next few weeks, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about
leukemia and its complications, as well as the process of attaining Durable
Power of Attorney over someone else.  Athena had done her research, and she
made sure I was the person who made the final medical decisions in the
event of her incapacitation.  Also, over her objections, I gave samples to
her oncologist for blood marrow compatibility screening, as did our
parents. Only I ended up being a potential donor.

   --------------------------------------------- Two Ravens And One Howl
---------------------------------------------

   Athen grew sicker, but slowly.  The doctors started her on some new
drugs and hoped to avoid using chemo unless (until) she got much worse. 
She grew weaker and thinner and more tired.  We spent less time making
love. Instead, we'd just hang out.  Sometimes she'd insist on getting me
off although she wasn't interested in sex, just because she wanted to make
me happy.

   It wasn't the end, but you could see it from there.

   * * *

   I was dreaming, and I knew it.  That was odd.  I never knew I was
dreaming.

   I opened my eyes.  I was in my old room at home.  It was the same as it
had been in my senior year of high school.  Same Misfits poster on the
wall. Same shitty computer that could barely run my favorite music
composition and image manipulation programs.  I didn't check, but I was
sure that the same directory full of artsy porn of girls with athletic
bodies would be hidden on my C:\ drive.  Thinking about it now, my tastes
back then did sort of give me away.

   I jerked suddenly to my right, as if in reaction to a noise.  But the
sound happened after I looked.  The window was open and a loud fluttering
and cawing issued from outside as two huge ravens landed on the sill.

   They stared at me, eyes alien but not menacing.  I knew that one read my
mind while the other sifted through my memories.  They were my friends, and
this was typical for them.

   After all this strangeness, I was unsurprised to see my grandfather
sitting at the edge of my bed.  His magnificent mane of hair and beard
still made him look like a combination of Karl Marx and a wild man who'd
just come in from the woods.  He winked at me.

   "You died," I told him, "I miss you."

   He grinned grimly, and I knew that he missed me as well, although he
would not say it.

   "You and your sister have been busy, lad."

   I blushed, already trying to construct an excuse or a narrative.  There
wasn't one, and it didn't matter.  It was a dream, and my grandfather knew
the truth.

   "We're in love," I said with a note of defiance.

   "I know.  I didn't come here to judge you or tell you that you were
right or wrong.  Maybe were I alive, I might have tried to persuade you of
one thing or another, but I am not.  I have the wisdom of the shades now,
though it tastes like ash in my mouth."

   "Why are you here, then?"

   "Because you are in a great deal of danger.  I felt the need to warn you
of it."

   "I'm not in danger.  Ath is.  She's going to die, you know."

   It was apparently much more natural to speak of these things in dreams.
Grandfather nodded and grimaced.  We all loved Athena.  She was our light.

   "She's close to the threshold, it is true.  Do you wish to follow her?"

   Just like him to get right to the point.  I'd been dancing around it, in
my grief and helplessness and rage.  The word sat there, unused but lurking
in my brain.  Suicide.

   "Yes.  I mean, no.  But yes, I've thought about it.  I know how awful it
would be for Mom and Dad, but...I just don't know if I'm that kind of
strong.  How do you go on after losing someone like her?"

   To my surprise, Grandfather said nothing to dissuade me, although I knew
that he loved me and did not wish me to die.  Perhaps he knew it would be
futile.  Or maybe he was craftier than I gave him credit for, even while he
was dead.

   "Athena was the goddess of wisdom, as you well know.  Do you remember
what your namesake did for wisdom?"

   "Are you saying I should gouge my eye out?"

   Grandfather shook his head grimly.

   "No.  That was a simple trade, one form of sight for another.  This is
deeper than that."

   "Didn't he...hang himself?"

   Grandfather nodded and smiled a wolf grin.

   "He hung himself from the tree of Yggdrasil, and then wounded himself
with his own spear.  He stayed there for nine nights, without eating or
drinking.  He did it for the runes.  For the sacred wisdom.  Athena is your
wisdom.  What would you do for her?"

   I thought about it, but only briefly.  I wasn't brave, not really.  I
was in love.

   "Anything.  I'd do anything for Ath.  Just tell me what to do, please.
I'm desperate.  I'm losing my mind.  I can't sleep or think.  I can't lose
her!"

   I was aware of the growing panic in my voice.  I stopped and tried to
breathe deeply.  I couldn't fight it, so I just let it pass.  It would be
back again soon.

   "I'm not here to tell you anything.  You will have a terrible choice
ahead.  I merely wanted you to be aware of it so that it would not pass you
by.  When you hear the wolves, you'll know the time.  Do what you think you
must, but don't forget that you are mortal."

   "Goddammit, I know that I have a choice ahead of me!  I don't want it.
Don't you understand?  I don't want to let her go!"

   But he was gone, and I was awake.  There were no crows in my window, and
I had gained no wisdom.

   * * *

   The end of everything started on a Tuesday.  I was supposed to pick Ath
up later that evening.  I was going to take her to see an arthouse horror
movie, then maybe we'd go for a drive out along the riverside and make out.
Very tame stuff, to be honest.  We hadn't been having sex for some time,
but that didn't matter to me.  I would take every moment that she would
give me.

   I was buying Ath something to read at a used bookstore that we both
liked when my phone buzzed.  My heart dropped into a bottomless void as I
read the message.  It was a text from Dad.  One line, no clarifications. 
None were needed.

   Ath collapsed.  Mom rode with her in ambulance.  Meet us at hospital.

   * * *

   I found my way to the ICU waiting room much more quickly this time
around.  Mom hugged me, hard, as Dad put his hand on my shoulder.

   "Where is she?" I was sure that they wouldn't let us visit her yet, but
I had to know that she was still alive.

   "They're doing something to stabilize her," Dad said.  "The person in
charge of Athena's treatment is Dr.  Fredricks.  She works out of this
hospital.  I know that they called her."

   "We just have to wait until the tests come back," Mom added.  "There's
nothing more we can do until then."

   So we waited.  We talked about everything and nothing.  We joked about
things Athena had done as a little girl and spoke of her plans for the
future as if she had one.

   I would never have said it to their faces, but I felt deep sorrow for my
parents.  Of the two of their children, Athena was the most special.  She
shone the brightest and gave the most over herself.  She deserved to live,
not me.

   Maybe it was my bias, but I could see my family recover from losing me,
but not her.  That was what reminded me of Athena's dodgy answers to my
questions about marrow donations, and my dream.

   A choice was coming.  I had to be ready.

   * * *

   It felt like hours, but I knew that we waited for much less.

   "I'm Dr.  Fredricks.  Will you come with me?"

   She was younger than I expected, maybe in her early thirties, and her
professional demeanor combined with her kind eyes made me feel at least a
little better.  I could believe that this doctor cared for my Athena, and
that was important.  Soon we entered a small office, neat and tidy, but it
felt cramped with all of us in there.

   "This is Dr.  Roman.  He's consulting on the surgical side of things.  I
know we haven't met, but as I said, I'm Dr.  Fredricks.  I've been managing
Athena's condition, and I'm afraid that things have gotten significantly
worse, and much more quickly than we anticipated."

   "How could this happen?" Dad's voice was angry, indignant even.  Mom
took his hand, and he relaxed just a bit.  I understood where he was coming
from.  Dr.  Fredricks turned around and looked out the window briefly
before answering.  I followed her gaze.  A woman was outside, walking her
dogs, white huskies that looked like they could have been litter-mates.  I
envied her comfortable stride and simple smile.

   "I've seen people get worse and better with some speed," Dr.  Fredricks
said, finally.  "I've never anything like this.  It's possible that your
daughter's condition is presenting differently than normal leukemia, or
even that it has a unique cause that we haven't found.  In any case, it's
my responsibility.  We were trying a prototype drug that had some success
if given early on.  It hadn't had much of an impact, and I was about to
recommend that we start standard chemotherapy, but Athena wanted to hold
off."

   "What?  Why would she do that?" Now it was Mom's turn to be confused and
upset.  I understood, however.  Athena hadn't been lying to any of us, not
really.  If we paid attention to how she acted, we'd have figured it out.

   "She didn't think she was going to live," I said simply.  "She wanted
her remaining time to be...to be as memorable as possible."

   We were all silent after that.  Dr.  Roman broke the silence.

   "That being said, Athena hadn't committed to anything yet, and she has
not regained consciousness since she collapsed.  She did not instruct us in
her treatment beyond following the will of her medical guardian.  I suppose
that it comes down to how you would like us to proceed."

   "Obviously, we want you to save her," Mom said, a trifle annoyed, before
she looked up and noticed that Dr.  Fredricks was speaking not to her, but
to me.

   I sighed.  I supposed that both Roman and Fredricks had to know that I
had the final decision-making authority here, even if Ath had never told
our parents.

   "I need to know the details of her present state before I make any
decisions."

   "Wait," Dad said, confusion and anger warring on his face, "Athena made
you her guardian.  Why would she do that?"

   "I know why," Mom said, "but if you think for one moment that we're
pulling the plug before we've tried..."

   "Please," Dr.  Fredricks said, trying to calm things down a bit, "no one
is talking about..."

   "Dammit, you can't just cut us out!" Mom was shouting now.  Only Dad and
I knew that she was more afraid than angry.  I saw it then.  My
opportunity. Athena had given me the power because she was concerned about
just this thing.  That our parents wouldn't be able to make logical
decisions.  I could use this.

   "Mom, Dad.  I want you to wait outside." I put on my best 'responsible
adult' voice, firm, and without any fear.  I hoped that they bought it.

   "What?" Dad said, finally getting angry.  "I won't just stand by while
someone else makes decisions about my little girl!"

   I had decided at last to take a page from Ath's own book.  There was no
way that my family would leave if I told them the truth.  So I didn't.

   "I need to speak to the doctors, and you're not helping.  This is why
Athena put me in charge in the first place.  Right now, you're making this
much worse.  Wait.  Outside."

   To my surprise, it worked.  Both of my parents looked a bit ashamed of
having raised their voices to me.  Dad still looked like he wanted to say
something more, but Mom put her hand on his chest, and they both looked at
me.

   "We'll be outside, Od," Mom said as they left the office.  "Just,
please...please don't make any big decisions without us."

   "I won't," I said.  I was lying.

   * * *

   I suspected that Athena had warned her doctors against me, but I was on
a roll with feigned confidence.  Why stop here?

   "I discussed blood marrow transplants with Athena.  I know that she
wasn't big on the idea before, but back then, there was hope that the new
treatments might work.  I also know that I'm compatible.  How soon can we
get the procedure started?"

   Dr.  Fredricks and Dr.  Roman shared a grim look of knowledge.

   "Normally," Dr.  Fredricks started, "we'd want to do something a bit
uncomfortable, but not particularly dangerous or invasive.  It would be
five days of injections, and then we would circulate the blood and get the
needed stem cells.  We don't have that luxury now.  We'd have to put you
under and harvest them directly from your hip bone, immediately.  Athena
may not have days."

   "What are the risks?" I asked, already suspecting.

   "Well," Dr.  Roman answered, reaching his field of expertise, "that
depends.  Normally danger is low, but you've got your mother's condition,
making you prone to strokes.  That creates additional problems and
variables that..."

   I cut him off.  I felt Athena's life slipping away with every tick of
the clock.

   "So if I don't do it, she will die, and if I do go through with it,
she will only probably die.  And there would be a low-but-significant
chance that I could have a stroke and also die.  Is that about it?"

   "Yes," Dr.  Fredricks said, "and I'll be honest with you.  I don't know
you that well, but I know your sister, and I don't think she'd want you to
go through with this.  Having said that, there must have been a reason she
asked you to be her primary decision-maker as opposed to her parents.  She
did not expressly forbid this course of action.  I'd rather you not go
through with it, but if you do, there's no one better than Dr.  Roman. 
He'll do everything in his power to ensure both of you make it."

   I thought about it, really and truly, for about ten seconds.  Athena
would not want me to die for her.  Is that what this was?  Did I have a
simple death wish?  I didn't want to live in a world without her, that was
true.  If I truly loved her, and I did, I would respect her wishes.  That
was also true.

   An ambulance rushed down the street in front of the hospital, its siren
wailing, a typical occasion for the hospital.  The woman walking her
huskies pulled them closer, although they were up on the sidewalk and in no
danger.  One of them looked a bit surprised but did nothing but look at
her. The other was a bit more spooked.  He howled.

   "Let's do it," I said, "right now."

   * * *

   I signed as many documents as I would if I were buying a house.  I
understood the caution, however.  My impatience was needless in any case.
It took time to prepare everything.  It took time to get me ready, and they
didn't wait until they had everything signed before they started prepping
Athena and me.  By the time I had initialed the last page, the
anesthesiologist was wheeling his cart into the room.  He was a round,
smiling man.

   "Hi, I'm Bob, and I'll be drugging you today."

   I laughed, which was probably the idea.  He went on.

   "Okay, sir, I see that you're already changed.  You look a little
nervous, and this is a little unusual, so I'm going to give you a shot. 
This will relax you and, in all probability, knock you out.  It's not the
main event, but with your family history of strokes, Dr.  Fredricks thought
it might be best to make sure you aren't stressing out too much."

   I smiled and nodded, closing my eyes.  I was sure that I was doing the
right thing.  I felt the sting and heard him counting backward from
one-hundred.  I didn't remember anything past ninety-seven.

   It happened after I went under, towards the end of the surgery.  I
didn't know that it would, not really, but I had a dread that there would
be no saving Athena without sacrifice.  A simple transplant would not be
enough.  It would be a life for a life.  I was glad that I had given the
doctors precise instructions.

   I shouldn't have felt anything, not really.  I was totally out.  But I
remember a sort of dream state where I occasionally heard snatches of
conversation.  Perhaps I wasn't entirely under enough?  I felt no pain from
the surgery.

   Then there was a pain.  Not from my hip, but my head.  The vague voices
grew louder, more agitated.  I felt an enormous pressure in my chest.

   Then I didn't feel anything at all.

   --------------------------------------------- Underworld
---------------------------------------------

   The universe gives nothing without sacrifice.

   I woke, but I did not.  I was dreaming.  I knew that I was, as I did
before during my conversation with my dead grandfather.  This, however, was
a different situation.

   The plain was dull, dark, and grey.  No plants grew, and the light was
dim, not the fires of hell but the twilight of death.  I looked up.  I
couldn't see it in the cloying dark, but I knew there was a rough ceiling,
studded with stalactites.  I was in a cavern, far beneath the earth.

   No, we were.  Both of us.

   "I know it looks bad, but it isn't.  It's just not for living people,
that's all.  It's time for you to go back."

   I saw her then.  She was dressed in the loose pajamas that she must have
been wearing when she had collapsed.  She was so thin now that they looked
like adult clothes on a child.  I cried.  I had no resistance to this.  I
had no comprehension of the death of my sister.

   "No.  I can't."

   "You can.  You have to.  I don't want this.  I don't want you to die
too."

   "I don't care.  I can't.  I can't let you die.  I can't let you go."

   Ath looked at me sadly, the circles under her eyes impossibly dark and
deep.

   "If you don't, it will ruin so much.  Life is precious.  Our time
was...was more than you can understand.  To me, it was everything."

   "But there's so much more for you to do!  You...you have to keep
dancing. I won't let you go!"

   "You don't have a choice, and you can't bring me back.  You're not some
hero gone to steal me from the jaws of death.  You're IN death, right now,
with me.  You did exactly what I didn't want you to, and now I'm here to
tell you to please stop.  You can't bargain with me on this."

   I was lost.  Athena was crying, but I was sobbing.  I felt something in
my mind start to crack.  It didn't matter if this were something that was
happening somewhere, or only in my mind.  It was real.

   "If you don't dance, then there's no reason to make music.  The world
will be like this anyway.  I know it's unfair, but I can't go back like
this."

   "What about Mom and Dad?  Who's going to help them?  What will happen to
them if they lose two children and not one?  I told you I won't bargain
with you.  Go back."

   Athena was firm and cold.  It would have hurt, but I knew why.  She was
strong for our parents and for me.  She was doing what she thought was
right.  But so was I.

   "Wait.  You said that I couldn't bargain with you.  Who could I
bargain with."

   Athena's reserve cracked.  She shook her head, tears flowing freely now.

   "No.  No, you won't.  You can't.  It never ends well.  You know that. 
You remember the stories Grandpa Joel told us.  You can't trick the gods,
and you can't defeat them."

   "I don't want to trick them," I said softly, "I want to save you."

   There was real fear in her eyes now, and she shook her head, screaming
without sound or words.  As I watched, she faded.  I extended my hand to
touch her face, and it passed through her cheek, leaving only a damp chill.
I wondered what had happened.  Then I felt it.  It was behind me, and it
wanted me to know it.  I spun.

   "You can bargain with me," it said.  It was tall and not at all human.
It wore a suit, clean and old-fashioned and modern and filthy all at once.
I could not understand it, so I did not try.  Its voice was hollow as the
cavern but full of infinite grief.  "What do you offer?"

   "Me for her.  She goes back, has her life, recovers from the cancer.  I
go into the dark with you.  That's it."

   "That's it?  No begging?  No challenges?  No games?  No defiance or
deception?"

   I shook my head.

   "I know how that ends.  I just...I just want her to have a chance."

   It nodded, although I couldn't tell you now if it even truly had a head.

   "What if she dies anyway?  She could be hit by a car, you know.  Or she
could end up like you are now, lost and hopeless.  She could put herself in
the ground right after burying you.  It would make your sacrifice a waste."

   "Why do you care?  I'm offering you a fair exchange..."

   "I care because I do.  I am not without understanding or empathy.  You
must know that I cannot guarantee that Athena will have a long or happy
life.  I can only return her and let her go her own path.  I will be taking
you to right the balance.  It is the oldest of bargains, and I am willing
to honor it.  But..."

   "But what?"

   "But I am not the only thing here.  Others do not bargain at all.  They
are willful and hateful of the living.  They want to keep both of you,
leech the last bit of life from your bones and cast you down into the pit.
I have little way to stop them.  Your sister was poised to flow beyond
them, out of their reach, into the place that even I do not speak of.  If
you stay, you will not be so fortunate."

   "Fine," I said.

   "You will suffer.  You will not remember your own name.  You will not
remember her.  You will resent all things, and in the end, perhaps become
just another hungry thing in the dark."

   "It doesn't matter.  I still agree."

   It nodded.  It was sad, but resigned, and perhaps even respectful.

   "You do this freely, and of your own will?  I am required to ask."

   "Yes."

   It nodded again.  It turned as if to go, but then looked back at me as
if reminded of some small detail.  Then it spoke.  At first, I thought it
spoke to me, but then I realized that, even here, there were things that I
could not see.

   "The gods were also brothers and sisters, and they loved one another as
man and wife.  He came humbly and spoke only truth.  Surely that must mean
something."

   There was silence, and then it spoke again.

   "Does not justice also require mercy?"

   Then he looked back at me.  Everything went quiet.  The light vanished,
and so did he.  The dream was over.

   The funny thing is, though I cannot remember if he even had a face, I
would swear that he had been smiling.

   * * *

   The gods were merciful, but they were not kind.

   * * *

   I woke in pain.  It was awful.  But I was alive, so I knew that it had
just been a dream.  A fantasy where I could save my sister by being brave
and stupid and loving.

   It simply wasn't that kind of world.

   I tried to open my eyes, but I could not at first.  Then I could open
one of them, but the other remained stubborn.  I lay in a hospital bed.  I
sensed rather than saw the machines that I was connected to.  I understood
that I was not in a standard room, but somewhere for the more direly
injured.  So it hadn't gone all that well.

   I felt the tube in my throat and the needle in my arm.  I felt the pain
in my hip, and an ache all over my body.  I felt a deep weariness in my
bones.  Even if I hadn't truly gone to the other side, I felt like death.

   A nurse came in, saw me looking at her, and smiled.  I must have fallen
asleep again.  I woke to shapes and forms moving through a shadow that must
have been my room.  I know that I was moved at least twice.  I remember, at
one point, there had been some shouting.

   I woke to the same nurse again, red-headed and beautiful and almost
irritatingly optimistic.

   "There you are," she said with a smile.  "You've been drifting for a
bit, but I knew that you'd come back again sooner or later.  Try and stay
with me, all right?  I know you might be exhausted, but Dr.  Roman needs to
talk to you." Almost as an afterthought, she added: "You're a bit late,
though."

   "H-how am I late?" My voice came out raspy and rough, and my tongue felt
like it was covered in dirty felt.

   "I just had to shoo your sister away for the third time today.  That
girl just won't leave your side.  She reads to you, talks to you, and just
holds your hand.  I mean, I can't blame her after what you did for her."

   "Ath...is alive?"

   "Of course she is.  She's still in recovering and monitoring, but she
responded extremely well to your donation.  Her surgery went a lot smoother
than yours did.  You just hang tight.  I'll get Dr.  Roman for you."

   Seeing as how I doubted that I could stand up, I waited.  The doctor,
unlike most of his profession, apparently believed in promptness.  It
couldn't have been more than two minutes, before he strode in, all smiles.

   "All right, sir.  I'm going to ask you a ton of different questions, and
then we're going to do some tests for balance and grip strength.  After
that, we're going to need to do some tests on your eye and the nerves in
your legs, which might end up being painful.  You're going to hate me, I'm
afraid, but I want to get this done so I can give you and your family some
answers about your prognosis.  Sound good?"

   I smiled and nodded.  He could torture me all he wanted.  Athena was
alive, and so was I.  Everything else was just details.

   --------------------------------------------- Minerva Invictus
---------------------------------------------



   Things moved quickly after that.  Dr.  Roman was as good as his word: He
barraged me with questions, and some of his nerve tests involved needles,
but he was speedy and efficient about them.  Mom and Dad came to see me
just as he was wrapping up, although, ironically, Ath had fallen asleep
just after I had woken, and no-one wanted to wake her.  I agreed with them.

   The extraordinary thing, however, was that Mom and Dad were both very
restrained with me.  It was clear that they were overjoyed that both Ath
and I were alive, and moderately well, but there was something unsaid. 
After some hugs and I-love-you's, they left.  I felt as though they were
waiting for something.

   When they left, I felt worried for them, although I couldn't say why.

   * * *

   "She'll dance, but you won't," was all Dr.  Roman said.  I had dozed off
for what must have been a few hours.  I woke to my whole family sitting at
my side.  Ath's eyes met mine, and we couldn't help but smile like idiots
at each other.  She reached out and held my hand.  Our parents shared a
look.  After a moment, I remembered that the doctor had spoken to me.

   "I won't walk?"

   I asked the question, and I saw my mother and Ath wince, but Dad didn't.
He understood how easy the trade had been.  He would have done it himself
for his wife or his daughter.  Or for me, for that matter.

   Dr.  Roman smiled.

   "I think you will," he said, "but not very fast.  You'll probably need a
cane for a while.  Maybe forever.  And no more driving.  Your left eye is
alive, but the nerves it's attached to are dead.  You don't have any depth
perception.  I...for what it's worth, I'm sorry.  Even knowing your
condition, I didn't think this would happen.  There was a one in a
million..."

   I interrupted him by laughing.  The good doctor looked at me as if I'd
gone mad, but I felt like the only sane one in the room.  Didn't he
understand the miracle that had occurred?

   I guess that he didn't, given that he hadn't had the same fevered dream
that I had about death and the underworld.

   "I'm sorry.  I don't mean to make light of the situation.  I'm
just...very happy with the results."

   Dr.  Roman smiled at me and then Ath.

   "I can see that," he said.  "Well, physical therapy starts tomorrow, and
I've signed you up with a real jerk.  He should get you up and moving much
faster than you want to be.  In any case, you should get some time in with
your family before the nurse sends everyone out."

   The doctor left, and to my surprise, so did our parents, but not before
Mom touched my arm, and Dad shared some quiet words with Ath.  Ath
responded with a single word answer, that didn't seem to please him.  But
he shrugged and smiled and left with Mom, arm in arm.

   Then we were alone together.

   "So," I said, "are you going to beat me up?"

   Ath laughed.

   "I was pretty mad at you for a day or two, but I got over it.  I was
terrified that you'd gone and died on me, you know?  You wouldn't really
wake up.  The doctors wouldn't call it a coma, but you were in and out for
a few weeks.  A month is a long time to think about what you did for me."

   "Its been a month?  It feels more like a day or two."

   "Well, yeah.  I'm sure it would, hero.  It turns out that sometimes the
suffering can be worse for the saved."

   "Oh god, don't call me that."

   "I'm afraid it's too late.  You're my hero, and that's never going to
change.  In fact, if I wasn't afraid that I would break you, I'd jump you
right now and show you exactly how much I appreciate what you did."

   "I mean, some things are worth a little risk," I said, smiling
hopefully. Ath laughed and hit my arm playfully.  She held my hand again,
and we lost ourselves in each other's eyes for a moment.  I almost asked
her to kiss me, but I knew that was a bad idea.

   "What's up with Mom and Dad?" I asked, finally, just by way of starting
a conversation.  "They seem...weird.  Even for them."

   "Ah," Ath said, a bit more reserved all of a sudden, which made me
suspicious.  "You noticed that, did you?  Yeah, they're dealing with a lot
right now."

   "Oh.  Yeah.  I guess we did both almost die."

   "Well, that too.  They know, Od."

   "They know...what?"

   "About our relationship.  That we've been...fucking.

   "Holy shit, Ath.  How did that happen?"

   "Dad was confused about what you did, and Mom started asking me pointed
questions about me leading you to make this decision somehow, and I got
angry and just told them the truth."

   "Ath, you can't...I mean, how could you do that?"

   Ath shrugged, and it was so frustratingly graceful that I knew I'd
forgive her anything.  I was still angry for the moment, however.

   "I thought you were going to die, Od.  I was sure of it.  Mom and Dad
were desperately looking for reasons why I made you my medical guardian and
why you did what you did without consulting them or me.  And I realized
something, really very important.  I couldn't keep this to myself.  "

   "Why not?"

   I'm sure that Ath could hear the panic in my voice.  She smiled and
squeezed my hand, which did a lot to relax me.

   "Because either you were going to wake up or you weren't.  If you
didn't, then no-one would understand the ways I was grieving, and if you
did, then sooner or later, they'd figure it out.  We weren't exactly
subtle."

   "Yeah, I guess not, but still...will they even forgive me?"

   "You?  Why would they blame you?"

   "Because I'm the oldest, and I should have..."

   "Should have what?  Lied when I confessed to you?  Told the truth and
told me to fuck off?  Should you have broken my heart?"

   "No," I said, after a moment.  "I never want to do that."

   "Good.  Because I think you did the right thing.  Mom was worried for
about a second that maybe one of us pressured the other, and yeah, she
mentioned that you were older and more responsible for what happened, but I
shut her down.  I told them both that you were not predatory, that you were
the kindest and gentlest lover I could have had, and that you respected my
wishes just like I did yours."

   "Wow.  I bet they didn't take that well."

   "They didn't, at first.  There was a lot of bargaining.  They kept
telling me that we were making a mistake and that we'd 'grow out of it.'
Like it was an obsession with Bionicle or something."

   "All right, so...what do I need to do?  Should I go out of town for a
bit?  Do I need to give them time?  Do you need time?"

   "What I need is time with you, not apart from you.  They just kept
pushing and pleading and once Dad even threatened to send both of us to
therapy.  I told our parents in no uncertain terms that they could either
accept us as we are, or I wouldn't speak to them again.  I also told them
that what we were both consensual adults and if they revealed anything
about us for any reason, that it would ruin our lives.  They became a lot
more accepting after that."

   "Wow.  It's hard to imagine them being okay with this."

   "Yeah.  I honestly think that their acting weird around you not because
they're judging you, but because they don't know how you will react to them
knowing.  They always saw you as the more sensitive one between us, and
maybe even the follower.  When you did your stupid hero thing and agreed to
the transplant without telling them you really shook them up.  I think you
being out gave them time to think.  They've been asking me more about our
long term plans.  What we'd do if we could figure out a way to be together
safely."

   "Long term plans.  I like the sound of that."

   Athena's only response was a smile.

   * * *

   Six months.  It had been six months since I'd seen her.  My Athena.  My
dancer.  My everything.

   After recovering, she'd gone to the Kilsgaard as she'd wanted.  I missed
her terribly, but it was the right move for her future.  I had to stay
behind and finish my own schooling.  When our parents suggested that this
separation might be 'good for us,' we'd agreed with them, to their
surprise. Of course, we made them promise that should we decide to be
together once that time was over, that they would accept it.  They agreed.

   I know that in their regular calls, Ath had been talking with our Mom
about the possibility of children.  Once Mom did her own research on the
genetics of the situation (the likelihood of issues being higher than if we
weren't siblings, but still overall quite low), she more or less accepted
us completely.

   Dad, being Dad, saw that we were happy and behaving like any other
healthy young couple in love.  Once he was satisfied that we weren't
inadvertently causing each other harm, he was pleased that we were happy.

   So by the time Athena was ready to come back for her first visit,
really, things were strangely fine in my family.

   Ath and I had stayed in contact during her absence, of course, and we
talked about everything.  The spark never left us.  We always craved more
of each other.

   We did a lot of video calls, and Ath insisted on sending me at least one
spicy selfie a day.  She said it was to remind me who my wife was.

   In return, Ath demanded dick pics, which surprised me quite a bit.  I
was more than happy to provide them.  Athena told me quite frankly that
they turned her on almost as much as hearing my voice did.

   So, on that beautiful morning, almost six months to the day she had left
for Sweden, I was waiting for her at the airport.  I'd come alone as we
wanted our reunion to be just for us.  I was standing by the baggage
carousel, keeping an eye out for her bags as I felt something small and
brunette impact me hard.  I reacted quickly, reaching around her, and she
lept up into my arms, wrapping her strong legs around me, then kissing me
fiercely.  When I was allowed to breathe again, I put her down gently.

   "Ath...I...wow."

   "Yeah.  I missed you, Od.  So fucking much."

   "Same.  But you might want to be a little more careful.  Someone might
know us here."

   "It's a big city.  What's life without a little risk?"

   We kissed again, more slowly this time.

   * * *

   The dinner wasn't awkward, and for the first time, my relationship with
my sister wasn't off-limits.  It was my Dad who brought it up, oddly
enough.

   "So, are you still going to Sweden?" He asked me.

   "Yeah," I answered.  "We talked about it more in the car on the way
back. Now that I've graduated, I'm going to live there while she attends
school."

   "I've got a great little apartment in the town," Ath chimed in.  "We'll
have to pay a little bit but way less than if we tried to get one on our
own." She was always eager to make every part of our relationship look like
a good idea, even if it wasn't.

   "How will that work?  I mean, how will you guys, uh, be together?" Mom
asked.  Her question wasn't aggressive, just curious.

   Ath answered for me.  She'd had the idea and had been laying the
groundwork for this for some time.

   "My friends already know I have a boyfriend that I'm, uh...crazy about.
I've explained that we're childhood sweethearts and that Od's gonna come
live with me now that he's done with college.  I've driven them nuts
talking about him.  He's going to use James as his name while we're over
there, just to keep anything from getting out.  Oh, and we're staying off
of any social media.  Just in case.  Hopefully, it won't be a problem."

   "You've thought of everything," Mom said, impressed despite herself.

   Ath reached out and took my hand.

   "We have to, Mom.  We're going to do this right.  We're going to make it
work.  We have to be careful for both ourselves and our children when we
have them."

   Ath spoke quite well for both of us that night.

   * * *

   Our parents showed their final acceptance by what they did later that
evening.  They went out to see a movie and left us alone after telling us
exactly when they would be home.

   They wanted to give us time together, but that didn't mean they were
ready to catch us in the act.  We moved upstairs to my bedroom about thirty
seconds after they had left.

   "So," I said.  "Do you really want kids?  Or were you just saying that
to bribe Mom?"

   "I brought it up to make her start thinking about having grandkids,
but...I really want kids.  I want your kids, to be specific.  What do you
think?"

   "I think that's the hottest thing I've ever heard.  What about your
dancing?"

   Ath shrugged.

   "I've done a lot of research about it, read about women like me who
decided to have children, and keep performing.  I...I don't know.  I think
I want to wait until after school and a few years of performing.  I want to
travel and tour and make an impact if I can."

   "You will.  Believe me.  I may be biased, but I don't think you'll have
any trouble finding work."

   "I want you to come with me, of course.  That's not even in question.  I
won't leave you behind.  That's part of why I want to wait to have kids.  I
want to raise them with you.  Together, someplace where we can be
ourselves. Plus, if you travel with me, you can keep making music for me. I
like the idea of that; my brother, lover, and pet composer all rolled up
into one."

   "Now the true nature of your scheme comes out.  It was always about the
music."

   Ath giggled.

   "In a way, I think it was," she said breathily as she crawled over the
bed to me.  "So, do you want me to set the tempo tonight?  Or do you want
me to be the melody?"

   Her face was inches away from mine now, and I was hard as a rock.

   "I think this time, we should improvise.  I don't have enough control
for formal composition."

   Ath made a noise between a laugh and a moan, and we kissed.  It was as
intense as the first time, except this time, we were both experienced in
each other's needs.  Her tongue slipped into my mouth as her own eagerness
overwhelmed her.  She pounced on me, pushing my torso back on my bed, her
small hands running over my chest, neck, and even face.  She kissed me on
my dead eye as tenderly as she could manage before biting me on my neck
affectionately.

   "Easy there, tiger," I said, chuckling at her intensity.

   "I know.  I just...I need to feel you and taste you.  I've missed you so
bad.  You don't know how much I've needed you by my side."

   I answered by firmly pulling her down on top of me for another kiss. 
When she pulled free, her look was one of almost uncontrolled hunger.

   "Fuck it," she said, standing up.  She stripped off her hoody and the
tight shirt she was wearing under it, and then her tights and panties.  I
noted that the latter stuck to her wetness, briefly.  It was all so sudden,
and yet almost unbearably erotic.  I struggled to get my shirt off
clumsily, and midway through I felt small hands unbuttoning my jeans and
pulling them off, almost harshly.

   "I'm sorry, but I can't wait any longer.  I've wanted to jump you since
you picked me up at the fucking airport."

   Then, Athena's compact body was on mine, her mouth on my neck, nipping
me, her wet folds sliding over my cock.

   "Athena," I groaned.  "I missed you so bad."

   "Did you miss me?  Or did you miss your little sister's tight pussy?"

   Ath was panting, but she was grinding her wet heat over me, enjoying the
power she had over me.

   "Both.  God, Athena, please.  Please."

   Ath met my eyes, and I knew then that she couldn't deny me anything. 
She wanted me as much or more than I wanted her.  As she bit her lip, she
positioned my cock with her other hand, and then slowly impaled herself on
my member.  I groaned, but she cried out.

   "Are you...okay?" I barely managed to utter.  I had almost cum just from
being inside her again.

   "Y-yes.  I'm good.  You always stretch me out, big brother.  I almost
can't take it.  Almost."

   "I love it when you talk like that, Ath."

   "I know.  I know what you want and what you like and what you need.  I'm
going to reward you for waiting so long for me to come home, Od."

   Athena started to move then, to roll and writhe and clench and grip.  I
don't know what she was doing, not really, but I loved it.

   "Jesus, Ath...you...fuck...you waited too."

   "I did, but I was the one who went away.  I left you behind.  I hated
doing it, even if we both knew it was the right thing.  I...I really need
you to come with me.  I need you by my side.  Forever."

   Words ended.  Ath rose and fell and loved me as I plunged up, deep
inside of her.  She gasped and cried and shook, and I knew that she'd cum
on my cock more than once.  I thumbed her clit until she quaked and begged,
and finally, I was on the ragged edge of release.

   "I want you to look me in the eye when you cum.  I want you to see me
when you fill me."

   "Oh god, Athena."

   "I want you to think about how you're going to get me pregnant.  I want
you to think about how you're going to fill your little sister with your
cum and how she's going to marry you and have your babies."

   "Fuck!"

   It was too much.  I grabbed her hips and pulled down, hard, holding her
in place as I thrust up as deeply as I could.  I released inside of her,
feeling my cum fill her.  Athena's body reacted almost primally, her back
arching and her body going rigid.  She shook as I pumped over and over. 
Finally, we were both spent, and she leaned back on top of me, kissing my
forehead and face.

   * * *

   So I moved, and Athena danced, and then we travelled together.  I can
walk reasonably well now, without a cane, although I never regained my full
sight.  She finished school, and now I follow her around from tour to tour,
company to company.  I can compose virtually anywhere, and we've even
worked on some projects together.  She's famous, in some circles and I in
some others.  I never use my face, however, just in case.

   We're to marry soon, although it's just a formality, and we're doing it
somewhere that doesn't do blood or genetic testing.  There won't be many
people there, but that's all right.  Soon, we're going to start a family.
Ath hasn't said that she's ready to stop for a while and have a baby, but I
can tell by the way that she looks at other couples with children, and then
back at me, that she's close to doing so.

   Things still aren't exactly straightforward.  I'm worried about people
finding out.  I'm worried about our children having my condition.  I'm
worried about being a good father.

   I dream of Grandfather often, and he assures me that while things won't
ever be easy, Athena and I are strong enough to face the world together. 
He understands the need to struggle for happiness and for love.

   And what is dance, if not struggle made beautiful?


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