Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 INDIAN WINTER (Part 4)

   By KATZMAREK (C)

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   Author's note,

   This work is my property and cannot be used for gain without my express
permission in writing.

   ----------------------------------------------------

   Like most men, Jake had his fantasy sex.  There was the lithe, factory
fresh teenager, body barely emerging into maturity.  She was only too
receptive to his 'patience, skill and experience.' His dick was 'the
biggest she'd seen' and just squeezed into her tight vagina.

   TheN there was the insatiable older woman who took whatever he had to
give with gratitude.  Unlike the slender teenager, she was round and
womanly with just the hint of sag and a few stretchmarks for character.

   But Sharmila fit neither of these ideals.  She was short, curvy, large
breasted, although not gigantically so.  Rather, they were in proportion to
her hips and arse.  'A perfect package,' he mused.

   She didn't shave herself smooth like those models in the magazines and
on video.  You might say she was 'au naturale,' with everything in place
the way God intended.  To Jake that just made her seem more naked, rather
than some over-manicured and sculptured men's fantasy chick.

   But several nights a week they would lie nude beside each other and
masturbate themselves.  These were her rules and they were ostensively to
prevent them becoming 'intimate.'

   But 'intimacy,' he'd read somewhere in one of those woman's magazines,
was created with the senses: sight, touch, sound, but most of all, the
heart.  She had allowed him to suckle, to caress, to kiss, to watch her cum
with his face inches from her's.  She had pushed a splayed leg between his,
rubbing his balls and wilting dick.  She had watched him kneel above her
and wank, while her own hand was busy shaking in her pussy, her wrist
jiggling his balls.  All this and, in the words of Bill Clinton, 'they
hadn't had sex.'

   True, they hadn't joined in the traditional sense.  He hadn't pounded
his lust into her...  not yet at any rate.  But he was sure the time would
come.  One day, he dreamed, he would roll over and give it to her why she
ground and panted, lifted herself towards him, and trapped his arse with
her hands lest he pull out too soon.

   Meanwhile, things were good, albeit confusing, and he was prepared to
wait till she altered the script.

   He'd suggested they might get married one day, but she'd looked shocked,
rolled off the bed and went to pee.  He never broached the subject again,
cursing his timing.  Talk of their relationship was like treading a
minefield, where a false step would send her scuttling or frozen in shock.
It was easier to let drift, for things to take their proper course,
whatever that was.

   Sharmila worked hard on his behalf.  He watched her one day from his
office window as she smoozed with some chain store's area manager.  An
estate agent waited helpless nearby as she did all the talking.  Some skill
that, he thought, to render a salesman impotent.

   He found out a reasonable standard fee for her work would be around 8%.
If her promises came to fruition, she would earn herself nearly 150 grand.
That would certainly change her fortune, he thought, one he could hardly
begrudge.

   On a good day, they had a happy rapport together.  They'd joke, laugh,
have a good time.  On other days she was moody, wanted to be left alone,
and snapped at him.  It reminded him of married life.  At least from his
experience with his own parents.

   Then there was this 'Mary from the Woman's Refuge.' She clearly didn't
like him and repeatedly warned Sharmila about entering into a relationship.
What she had against him, he'd no idea.  He barely knew her, had hardly
said three words, yet here she was, warning Sharmila off him like he was
some sexual pervert.

   He'd tried to ring her but, after leaving a few messages, she finally
told him she hadn't the time to discuss Sharmila.  In any case, she pointed
out, under the privacy laws there was little they could talk about.  That
was bullshit because, with Sharmila's waiver, they could discuss anything
they liked.  Sharmila would sign a consent, he knew.

   He wanted that woman off his back and the only way he knew was to
reassure her he was not out to harm Sharmila.  That opportunity had
hitherto been denied him.

   He was sleeping with Sharmila, now, two or three times a week.  He had
even persuaded her to stay a night or two at the disaster he called his
apartment.  She was unimpressed and refused to do his tidying up
suggesting, instead, he hire a cleaner, or maybe an arsonist?

   "What for?"

   "Insurance!" she told him.

   But after two weeks things began not to happen in their 'sex' life. 
Sharmila still seemed to get off, quickly and powerfully.  She closed her
eyes and seemed able to get into the 'zone.' One night, however, Jake just
couldn't get there.

   It was becoming routine, sure, and he'd begun to struggle to get into
the mood.  Sharmila's pleasuring of herself was certainly a turn on, but
not enough.  What he really wanted was a bit more physical connection to
push him over the edge.  That was not part of her rules, though, their
genital areas were off limits.

   "What do you fantasise about?" he asked her one night, caressing his
semi-flaccid cock.  He thought, maybe, if she talked dirty, gave him a good
story, he could picture in his mind what he'd really like to do.

   "Stuff," she said, placing her head on his shoulder.  Her chest was
still heaving after cumming.

   "Such as?"

   "Well, I think about what you're doing...  and...  sometimes, mostly,
about what you would be doing if you had a girlfriend."

   "I have."

   "A proper one!" she snapped.

   "And what would I be doing?"

   "Fucking her.  She would be sitting on you and your cock would be going
in and out."

   "Oh, and what would she be like?  What would she look like?"

   "Tall, breasts smaller than mine.  She'd be slimmer...  a little
older... and her hair would be cut short and dyed red."

   "That's very specific?" he grinned, "It almost sound's like...  like...
good God!" Sharmila grinned maliciously, her face inches away.  "You're
teasing!"

   "Actually, I'm not."

   "You really want me to fuck Mary?  Are you kidding me?  She's probably a
fucking Lesbian...  in any case, she does nothing for me."

   All thoughts of orgasm had melted away at Sharmila's vision of
purgatory.

   "Give her a chance and she'd do plenty for you," she laughed.  "I think
she'd be a great lay, if you give her a chance."

   "I don't want to, she doesn't attract me."

   "Why not?  She's a woman with everything in the right place.  I'm pretty
sure she'd do all the things I won't do..."

   "Such as?"

   "Such as the things you've said," Sharmila replied, "fucking, sucking
you off, even jacking you in the shower..."

   "You could do those things, and I'd go down on you in return?"

   "But Jake, I'm not going to let you.  You need to face up to that and
find a girlfriend."

   "But, Mary?"

   "I think she'd been keen.  I think she really likes you...  and she
hasn't got anybody, this I know."

   "How?"

   "I've asked her.  She was finally divorced a year ago from a husband who
was violent.  She is straight, Jake, only her experience with partners has
made her very militant.  She is very soft underneath, really!" Sharmila saw
the scepticism written over his face.  "The hard exterior is just an act."

   "You two seemed to have talked a lot?"

   "Yes, we have."

   "About me?"

   "A little.  I've told her you are kind, trustworthy and considerate. 
She didn't believe me at first, but when I told her about our
relationship..."

   "You did?"

   "Yes, and how you accepted my rules...  didn't force yourself... 
respected my feelings...  she said she'd wish she'd met someone like you
before she got into a relationship with her husband."

   "She did?"

   "True.  She said her husband was nothing like that.  She said he drank
too much beer and was growing fat.  I said you keep yourself in good
condition, you are gentle with your hands and have a nice cock."

   "You told her that?  You're kidding, Sharmila.  It's sounds like you
were pimping for me.  I should hire you as my agent.  Why did you tell her
all those intimate details?"

   "Because she asked me."

   "And she told you she'd fuck, suck, and jack me off in the shower?"

   "Not exactly!" she laughed, "I just told her you'd mentioned those
things..."

   "Sharmila?  That's private..."

   "And she told me it didn't sound such a bad deal.  I asked her if she
liked men going down on her between her legs..."

   "Sharmila, this is bullshit!  I don't think you'd talk about those
things with her."

   "She told me she'd only had it done once...  when she was at school. 
The guy didn't know what he was doing but she's willing to try again.  This
is all true, I swear!"

   "Sharmila, I don't know what to say.  I think you're lying.  It feels
like you're trying to set me up."

   "But you obviously like the idea," she grinned, looking at his now hard
cock.

   "Sharmila, jack me?" he asked, desperate.

   "No, Jake," she whispered, "but imagine Mary's hand...  her mouth... 
her wet pussy..."

   "Mmf,' he mumbled as he began to stroke, "will you be lying there?" he
croaked.

   "If you want.  You want me to watch you fucking her?"

   "Yes.  Will you be playing with yourself?"

   "Of course.  Fuck her hard, Jake...  uh...  Kiss me?" Jake bent and
mashed his mouth to her's.  "Oh Jake!" she said as her body began to shake,
"you'll make us cum together...  uh...  ohh...  she's cumming...  I... 
ohh..."

   "Uh, oh shit!" Jake exclaimed as he shot over Sharmila's legs and
thighs, "shit, I'm sorry, I..."

   "No...  it's all right, uh, I can get cleaned up.  Why do you think a
woman would be upset at you splattering semen over her?"

   "I don't know, I guess..."

   "It's a compliment...  you are too considerate, Jake.  If I had a
problem I would've thrown a towel over you.  Y'know?" she laughed, "we
women are aware of male physical, sexual responses!  It's not the first
time, y'know."

   "No?"

   "My brothers used to shower me all the time.  Not my hair, though, it is
too hard to get out."

   "Wow, you are amazing!"

   "Have you not had a woman spread her pussy lubrication all over you?"

   "Can't say I have."

   "Here." With that, she rose and straddled his chest, wiping her juices
over him.  She slowly ground herself around on him while he looked up,
bemused.  "There," she said, "isn't that nice?"

   "Sticky!  Move a little higher?" he told her, putting out his tongue. 
She rose on her knees and presented him with her pussy, just barely out of
reach.  He made a lapping motion and she smiled.

   "Save it for Mary!" she whispered.

   "Why don't you do her?"

   "Because I don't do women."

   "Sharmila?" he asked, while idly stroking her breasts, "do you love me?"

   "I don't know, Jake," she said, suddenly serious, "I've thought about it
a lot.  I really like you.  You're handsome, have a nice body, are gentle.
If I was to fall in love, I think it'd be someone like you.  But love,
Jake, hasn't done anything good for me.  My ideal marriage would be a
partnership.  We would be both equal...  no jealousies...  he would treat
me like you do.  We would teach each other how we want to be loved.  But, I
don't know enough about you, Jake.  If I take you into my body, my heart,
what then?  Would you still want me?  No, don't answer!  I don't know
whether you really know what you want.  You need a few girlfriends...  you
need to fuck Mary..."

   "Sharmila, stop telling me what I must do?"

   "But don't you see?  If you take other women, spread your wings, and
after it all you still love me, doesn't that prove something to me?"

   "Is this a test?"

   "If you like, you can describe it that way."

   "So I have to screw others before I get to screw you?"

   "If 'screwing' is all you're thinking about, that will get you nowhere.
Love is spiritual, it's not just about screwing..."

   "I know that, I was being sarcastic!"

   "I know you were.  If that was the way you think, you wouldn't be here."

   "Yes, I would, it's my apartment."

   "Yes, and you really should get yourself a cleaner.  Pick a pretty one,"
she grinned.

   "Shit, Sharmila?"

   "Just kidding!" she grinned as she lifted herself off him.  "Now, I do
need a shower."

   ----------------------------------------

   Jake steadfastly refused to call Mary, despite Sharmila's urging.  It
was a game he wanted nothing to do with.  His life was complicated enough
without him entering into an affair with her.  Sharmila was manipulating
him and he knew it.

   He was starting to find the strength to say no.  He realised he was so
infatuated with her, he found himself agreeing to her kinky schemes.  But
that wasn't him.  He considered himself a regular guy who just wanted a
regular relationship with the one he loved.  And he did love her, of that
there was no doubt.  She was making it just so hard for him, for what
reason, he didn't know.  Hadn't he demonstrated enough affection and
honesty for her?

   However, a week out from the conversation with Sharmila, Mary called
him! She told him him she thought it necessary to have a chat with him
regarding his relationship with Sharmila.  Jake was suspicious, at first,
and thought Sharmila was setting him up.  But Mary suggested he make an
appointment at her office.  She told him she was a Relationship Counsellor
and only worked at the Refuge on a volunteer basis.

   Jake felt he was running out of ideas, so he accepted.  Just maybe some
guidance was what he needed?  Her certainly couldn't work things through on
his own.

   He was the last appointment for the day.  Mary had an office downtown,
in an older style two storey building used by professional services, such
as dentists etc.  He arrived promptly to find a small office on the top
floor.  Mary was on her own, dressed in a snappy business suit and white
blouse.

   She had little of the bullying attitude that characterised their first
and only encounter.  He'd describe her as 'professional,' and dispensed
with the preliminary paperwork in a businesslike manner.

   "Now, Jake," she began, "I suggested an appointment with you because I
have some concerns regarding one of my clients.  Of course you know who I
mean?" Jake nodded.  "Sharmila Devi has signed a waiver of privacy, do you
wish to see it?" Jake shook his head.  He'd no doubt all would be in order.
He didn't believe Mary would leave herself exposed to a suit. 
Particularly, he mused, one launched by the savvy Sharmila.  "First, I'd
like you to tell me how you see things going?"

   Mary exuded trust and honesty.  He also had a shrewd idea there was not
much she was unaware off.  He found he needed a confidante, too, and he'd
few better choices than Mary.

   "I think," he began, haltingly.  It still was surprisingly difficult to
spill his guts in front of Mary.  "I think we're going fine, but..."

   "But?"

   "But she has problems...  problems with intimacy, and..."

   "How does that make you feel?"

   "Frustrated, vulnerable.  I don't think the power is shared...  she
calls the shots...  everything is what she wants, I have little say."

   "I see.  You must feel like you want to regain you power, seize the
initiative..."

   "How'd I do that?  Rape her?" he blurted out.

   "Does that go through your mind?"

   "Of course not!  I'm not like that.  I'd never do anything to harm her.
I love her."

   "I believe you, Jake," she said, kindly, "and I'm pretty sure if
Sharmila thought you'd attack her then she wouldn't be with you.  So why do
you put up with her demands, Jake?  Have you told her about how you feel?"

   "Of course, many times."

   "And what happened?"

   "She'd do stuff," he considered, "a little more just to keep me thinking
that one day we'd..."

   "You're talking about sex?"

   "Yeah!"

   "So she leads you on that little bit further?"

   "Yeah!"

   "So do you think one day she'll let you do what you want?  What?  Full
sex?" Jake nodded.  "And that is what you mean by not having any power?"
Again, Jake nodded.  "Out of the bedroom, you have a good relationship?"

   "Sure, we get on fine.  She's a little smarter, but that doesn't stop us
having fun, enjoying each other's company."

   "I see.  So your problems are all sexual?"

   "Yeah.  It kind of sounds trivial, doesn't it?"

   "Not at all.  A good sexual relationship is what makes a couple, Jake.
Everything else is much easier to work out, believe me.  The bedroom
reflects what's really going on in a relationship.  If things are not
happening there, then outside of that is just that much harder." I

   Jake felt better that she appeared to understand his frustrations.

   "Let me explain something about Sharmila," she continued, "some you may
already know.  This is in the strictest confidence, you understand.  She
has signed a waiver but I'm not sure what she had in mind.  In any case,
it's a blanket consent so I can tell you whatever I think is necessary."

   "You think there'd be some things she wouldn't like said?"

   "Probably," Mary smiled, "but that's just tough.  She could have made
some exceptions but she didn't.  I have a professional duty to release
information I think is important."

   Jake grinned.  He thought Mary had gained one over Sharmila and it gave
him a strange kind of satisfaction.

   "Sharmila had a strange kind of introduction to sexuality," Mary
explained, "she was very young, 9 or 10, I think.  Her brothers used to
masturbate over her...  and others, I suspect.  Some would consider that
abuse."

   "Do you?"

   "We are trained to consider that abuse, yes.  In this country it would
be so.  However, she was raised in Fiji and there's a lot that happens
inside families there we are not aware of.  Whether that's normal
behaviour, I don't know.  But one thing I'm convinced of, she has grown up
with a warped psycho-sexual make up.  She's manipulative, egocentric,
unwilling to trust men, does this sound familiar?"

   "Yes!"

   "I don't think she really understands what love is, Jake.  She has these
romantic ideas, schoolgirl notions...  A cousin followed her to India.  I
believe he was one of those who masturbated over her as a child.  Anyway,
they knew each other as children.  The family disapproved of him because of
his blood relationship."

   "That's a slightly different story.  She told me he was of a lower
caste."

   "No he wasn't.  He had a degree, was of the same aristocratic caste. 
Sharmila was impressed that he'd traveled all that way to be with her.  She
agreed to elope back to Fiji with him over her family's objections.  They
immigrated here after the first military coup.  They became my clients very
soon after they arrived.  There were big problems, early on."

   "Such as?"

   "He was a decent enough man, Jake, but he couldn't handle her.  She
refused him sex.  Instead she would masturbate for him..."

   "But she's pregnant, isn't she?"

   "He raped her and she took her things and left.  That's when she came to
the refuge seeking help.  Her husband jumped on a plane and disappeared
before she could make a complaint.  I don't excuse rape, Jake, and I'd be
the last person to think a woman had any responsibility..."

   "But, just the same, you think that if Sharmila wasn't playing these
games..."

   "Maybe.  Her husband also told me that she wanted him to bring other
women into their marriage.  They'd be kind of surrogates."

   "Did he?  She told me he had affairs?"

   "At her instigation.  She'd set him up with women.  She even tried to
set him up with me!"

   "Good grief!" he had to smile, "the bitch!"

   "As she's trying to set you up.  You see the pattern?"

   "Of course.  She wants us to have a sexual relationship...  with her
there to watch?"

   "Yes, as some kind of surrogate.  Instead of dealing with her own fears.
She's some kind of saleswoman," she added, smiling, "she had me almost
hooked."

   "Almost?"

   "I'm not that desperate that I'm going to be led by the nose by one of
my clients, Jake.  But, I have to say, she sold you very well."

   "She said some things about you too, Mary.  Had me almost believing,
um..."

   "Yes, I've no doubt," she blushed, "I was a little too candid with her.
I regret that.  She is one Hell of a persuasive woman, Jake.  believe me,
I've some idea of what you're going through.  I don't usually say this to
clients, Jake, but have you considered getting out before it's too late? 
Sharmila is going to take a great deal of work to treat her intimacy
issues. Have you really the endurance?"

   "I don't know."

   "She may never change, Jake.  Have you considered a life with her... 
raising a child of rape, never having your own needs addressed...  setting
you up with other women for her own pleasure?  Not really having that bond,
that union with her you really want above all else?"

   "I don't...  I really can't say."

   "I don't want to see her hurt, Jake, and I don't want to see you lose
control and do something you'll regret for the rest of your life."

   "I wouldn't.  I want to work things out."

   "I think it will be a long, hard road.  You know she was a virgin when
she was married?  You know the only penetrative sex she's had has been
rape? Do you understand how that would affect her?"

   "Sure, yet, from what you say, she's repeating the same pattern.  Isn't
that kind of weird?"

   "Yes it is, and that's what I'm afraid of.  Her husband adored her, he'd
never have contemplated raping her.  Yet..."

   "I...I still can't see me doing that to her."

   "Well, you come to see me if ever you think things are getting too much.
Don't let her throw other women at you.  She needs to face up to her own
shit without sabotaging her relationship with you.  I think you could be
good for her, Jake.  You appear to have the patience and understanding.  Be
prepared, though, that she may test you to the limit!"

   "Oh, she's testing all right," he agreed.

   "Well, then, I hope you understand a little more about her.  We'll leave
it there, and if you should ever need..."

   "I'll call."

   "Good," she smiled, showing him out, "y'know?" she added, "she was
right. You are kind of good looking and you keep yourself in shape.  You
are a nice guy.  It's a pity Sharmila's got her hooks into you, or..."

   "Or?" He turned back.

   "Or, we could meet for a drink sometime?" she smiled.

   "But that would be unethical?"

   "Yes, it would.  Hypothetical!"

   "Oh, I see!" he smiled back, before leaving.



   ---------------------------------------------

   Mary left Jake much to think about.  Should he confront her with what he
found out?  Mary couldn't give him an answer to that.  He just advised her
to answer any questions openly and honestly.  "She must learn to be honest
with you...  and herself," she'd told him.

   Sharmila was soon at the shop asking him how the session went with Mary.
She seemed to think it was some sort of date, because she kept asking what
he thought of her, was there any obvious attraction, and what he imagined
she'd be like in bed?

   "I don't know," he answered, "she seemed interested," he explained,
honestly, "but only hypothetically.  There's that whole counsellor client
realationship thing."

   "Of course," she agreed, "but you're not really her client, are you? 
She just wanted to explain why she was being such an arsehole."

   "Well, yes and no.  Yes, I think I'll be seeing her professionally..."

   "Why?" Sharmila seemed surprised.

   "Because I have issues..."

   "With who?  Me?"

   "Of course.  And she really wasn't being an arsehole.  She was only
trying to protect you...  and me, for that matter."

   "Protect you from what?" she asked, "me?  What do you imagine I'm going
to do to you?"

   "Maybe...  maybe, she was worried a similar situation would develop
between us as happened with your husband?"

   "What?" she said, aghast, "she told you?" Jake nodded, "she shouldn't
have told you those things."

   "You agreed..  signed a waiver?"

   "I didn't mean for her to tell you such private things."

   "Nevertheless, you could have made exceptions..."

   "Yes, I see that now...  I was fooled..."

   "No you weren't, Sharmila.  You allowed Mary to use her professional
judgement.  She thought it important to tell me about your abuse..."

   "What abuse?  I haven't been abused.  I'd never allow myself to be
mistreated..."

   "But you were, Sharmila.  Mary told me what your husband did to you. 
There was no excuse..."

   "What did my husband do?" she flashed, angrily, "he was an arsehole. 
He'd have other women..."

   "I know."

   "What do you fucking know, Jake?  How the fuck do you know what it was
like...  how the fuck does Mary know?  What does anyone know what happens
inside marriage?"

   Jake recoiled in the face of her fury.  Her eyes flashed and her dark
face seemed to be even darker.  He'd never seen her in this state before.
He was disinclined to back down, however.  This was the first time he'd
seen her out of control.

   "I think she knows a lot, Sharmila.  You were clients...  she heard both
sides."

   "Both sides of what?  He raped me, how many fucking sides do you have?"

   "I know, he hurt you..."

   "Hurt me, Jake?  Is that what she told you?  My husband hurt me?  You
think that's all there was to it?  You think jamming that prick inside me
is all there was?"

   "No, of course not."

   "Of course not," she mimicked, "and you're suddenly this fucking expert?
When was the last time you shoved that cock into someone, Jake?  Go on,
expert, tell me she wasn't asleep?"

   "You don't have to do this," he told her, as kindly as he could in the
circumstances.

   "And you don't have to analyse me, either.  I am what I am and if you
don't like it...  go and jam your cock into someone else."

   "No...  and I'm not going to have affairs with other women."

   "They're my conditions.  If you're not interested in proving your love,
then you're a big fake and I want nothing to do with you."

   "Is that what you call 'proving?' Fucking women in front of you...  for
what, Sharmila?"

   "If you can't, then I'll find someone who can...  someone who loves me."

   "Oh, bullshit!  What man is going to put up with that shit...  a man
who's any love or respect for you?  You'll just end up with losers who'll
either rape you or fuck off with one of your whores.  Is that what you
really want...  rejection?"

   "Psycho-analytical bullshit, Jake.  'Is that what you really want'?" she
mimicked, "like you really care what I want?  You only care about fucking
me and that's something you'll never have.  Face it, Jake, you're a fucking
loser.  I should have seen you coming."

   "No, Sharmila, I'm not a loser.  I offer you unconditional love.  I even
put up with your fantasies because...  because..."

   "Aha!  See?  You don't even know yourself?"

   "Because I love you, you daft bitch!  Fucked up, egocentric, terrified
little schoolgirl..."

   "Schoolgirl?  Me?  What the fuck do you mean by that?"

   "All these notions about love and being tested like some fairy tale. 
'These are the tasks I set for you,' that's crap!"

   "Schoolgirl?  That's rich.  You want me to be a schoolgirl for you?  You
have a fantasy about little girls?"

   "That's unfair, it's not what I meant."

   "But you'd like me to, wouldn't you?  You'd like me to dress up in a
school uniform...  that's what all the men want.  Daddy's little girl
who'll suck his cock..."

   "Shit, you're one fucking nutcase, Sharmila."

   "So you like nutcases?  Why do you like fucked up women like me?  They
give you a hard on?  Why don't you get a hard on for normal women, Jake? 
Mary too much for you?  She sees through your bullshit?  You only like
fucked up relationships?  Will you get a hard on when I'm cured?" She spat
the words out in one long rhetorical diatribe, while advancing slowly
towards him.  "Do you have a hard on now?" she asked, "you can get it up,
now?"

   "Sharmila...  why don't you just go home?  I don't see any point to
this, now."

   "Oh, but I do," she said, sweetly, menacingly, "this is all about your
sexual dysfunction, isn't it?"

   "I have no sexual dysfunction."

   "Face it, you can no-longer get it up and you're blaming me?"

   "No, not at all."

   "Just because I ask you to respect me..."

   "That's bullshit, Sharmila.  I always respect you."

   "No you don't, otherwise you wouldn't be trying to force me into having
sex against my will."

   "Crap!"

   "You want to rape me now, Jake?  You want to just whip off my pants and
shove that cock of yours up me?"

   "Sharmila, enough!"

   "That's all you think about, isn't it?  Taking me against my will? 
Giving me no choice but to surrender to your demands?  Look at your size
compared to me?  Do you think I'd stand any chance against you?"

   "Is that what you really want?  To be forced?  Is that your game all
along?  You want me to do it so you can cry rape and make yourself out to
be the victim?  What, you'll then call the police and have me arrested?  Is
that how you get your kicks?  Is that what you did to your husband? 
Perhaps that's the endgame?"

   "For what purpose, Jake?  You tell me what I'm supposed to get out of
being raped?"

   "Maybe so you can play the victim?  Get all the attention?"

   "Oh, I see.  You don't think I can get attention any other way?  This is
the best you can do?  One session with a counsellor and you're now an
expert on women?  Even though you've never fucked any?"

   "I have.  Fortunately not all women are like you."

   "Oh, and what are they like, Jake?  Tell me what it is to be normal?"

   "They share...  they give and take...  they not afraid of love... 
they're willing to bond, emotionally and physically..."

   "Ho, Jake, you're this expert, yet you have no wife, no girlfriend? 
No-one willing to share in this wonderful fantasy of yours?  Where are your
women, Jake?"

   "I've found her.  She's just unwilling to let herself go."

   "You now want me to let myself go?  Again, this is all about fucking..."

   "No it isn't.  It's just part of it.  I want to be here for you..."

   "Oh, please!  Now you sound like the adolescent.  Why would I want you
to be 'here for me'?"

   "I don't care, I am.  I love you and don't plan on changing my feelings.
If you can't cope with that, well..."

   "There you go, talking about love..."

   "Go, Sharmila, go home!"

   "You expect me to believe you love me, yet..."

   "Sharmila!" he put up his hand, "right now I don't give a fuck what you
believe.  Go home and call me when you want to discuss this rationally."

   "So you don't think I'm rational?"

   "Sharmila," Jake emphasised, taking her by the shoulders and showing her
the door.

   "Get your hands off me!" she demanded in a tone of pure malice.  She
shook his hands free and flounced out the door, slamming it shut.

   Jake watched her stalk up the street outside and wondered whether this
was the last time he was ever to see her.  He felt numb, sad, exhausted and
went and lay down on the bed.  It still reeked of her sandalwood scent, so
he made himself comfortable on the sofa instead.

   ---------------------------------------

   KATZMAREK (C)



   "I'm not