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   This story is different to my other postings to date, but hopefully
still enjoyable.

   You may read it and think yes another fictional tale etc etc.  However
although it's not all true, significant elements are, I'll leave you the
reader to think on which they may be.

   If though your curiosity gets the better of you, please do email me and
ask/guess.  The whole point of writing is to interact with ones readers,
and although the download stats from ASSTR show how many people have taken
the time to check on my poor ramblings I would like to hear what people
think and just as importantly, feel about what I write.

   As ever my email address is Ian321123@btinternet.com.  Enjoy and maybe
I'll hear from you soon.

   MF Cuck ?

   I had known from an early age that I was not completely "normal" as a
preteenager whilst my schoolmates were running around playing football and
fighting I was at home raiding my mother's underwear drawer.  At such a
young age I couldn't explain either the rationale or the feelings I
experienced.  I was too young to achieve an erection never mind masturbate,
but I knew for sure that wearing lacy knickers and stockings "felt nice." I
should perhaps add at this point that the fact that they were my mother's
underthings was an irrelevance except in so far as they were available; the
opportunities for a nine or ten year old adolescent to rummage through
other women's clothing were few and far between believe me!

   As I matured and discovered the pleasures of masturbation I did
occasionally wank off whilst wearing knickers and stockings but to be
perfectly honest the urge waned and in truth I moved from wanting to wear a
women's underwear to just wanting to fuck one.  Whilst the desire mounted
and intensified the opportunities just didn't seem to be there, although
believe me it wasn't for want of trying.

   Then Charlotte entered my life; the niece of a family friend she was
only fourteen (I was by then a callow but still virginal seventeen) tall,
willowy and with gorgeous long red hair.  Over the next few years we had an
on again off again relationship which to my intense frustration was going
absolutely nowhere except for the odd kiss (no tongues) and cuddle.  I was
head over heels in love with Charlotte and not just because she was
gorgeous; we got on well together, had a similar sense of humour and
enjoyed many of the same pastimes.

   She in contrast was always much less fervent and made it very clear that
although she liked me a lot she wasn't in love with me.  Her family
situation was difficult, regularly placing unreasonable demands on her that
meant I could not be her priority.

   When Charlotte finally went off to University in the same city as me,
the opportunity was created to spend more time together away from her
family and hopefully for me finally to get into her knickers - and at the
time I did mean this figuratively not literally.  Whilst I knew that she
had a delectable collection of underwear - I had been on shopping trips
with her for the very same - I had at that time absolutely no desire to
wear it, I wanted to go beyond it to what lay within.

   As the proud possessor of a driving license and more importantly and
rarely at the time, a car I was able to offer to assist in Charlotte's move
into University accommodation.  Cynically I thought that this would
hopefully gain a quick entrée into her bedroom and then, as a natural
progression her bed.

   Although it was not quick it did finally come to pass, and for the first
time I saw my gorgeous girlfriend naked.  I'd always hoped that this would
be as part of an erotic striptease where the so far hidden delights of
Charlotte's body were slowly revealed.  Her shy nature and demeanour meant
the reality was more of a quick disrobe and a dive under the bedclothes. 
The brief glimpse was, however, more than sufficient to confirm that she
had a beautiful body, small but perfectly formed breasts and a slit covered
in the merest haze of red to match the flowing locks on her head.  Finally
it was about to happen, after four long and frustrating years I was going
to be making love to my perfect girl, boy was I wrong!

   Having also disrobed rapidly and slid into bed next to her Charlotte
dropped a bombshell, "I don't want to get pregnant and I don't trust any
contraception so we're not going to do what you want, we can kiss and hug
but that's it - understand?" I don't know which deflated more quickly my
ego or my erection; for sure it was a close run thing.

   Now you may find it hard to believe bit it's the truth, we spent the
night locked in a passionate embrace with lots of kissing (still no
tongues) and even some breast fondling (they felt even better than they
looked) but with Charlotte's legs metaphorically and for the majority of
the time, literally, crossed.  As we progressed through her first year at
University she did unbend slightly and after a time I was allowed to
progress and finger her cunt and even move onto cunnilingus.  Whilst
pleasurable in themselves both these activities also became ever more
frustrating; despite the fact that Charlotte's cunt was regularly dripping
wet and twitching she would never go the final yard and orgasm, (although I
have to say without wanting to boast I genuinely believed that I was
becoming a great cunt licker.)

   So there I was with an obviously highly sexed gorgeous girlfriend who
for some reason was not prepared to let herself go completely and come.  I
should have realized at the time the reason why but it was to be several
years later before I came to fully understand this intense reticence and
the reasons behind it - but more of that later.

   Obviously throughout these intense but frustrating sessions of not quite
love making I too was becoming heavily aroused and frustrated.  Imagine my
surprise one night then when having gone down on Charlotte for what seemed
like hours, or at least until my tongue was completely numb I moved back up
the bed and snuggled in for our ritual cuddle only to feel the delectable
touch of her hand traversing across my stomach and heading towards my
aching prick.

   Although it was very tentative the next thing I knew was that my
darling's hand was touching my quivering cock and slowly moving my foreskin
back and forwards.  It wasn't the best wank I've ever had but believe me
when I quickly came on her hand it was unbelievably pleasurable.

   This sexual activity continued through the University year although the
number of times that Charlotte's hand travelled south to wank me was
infrequent to say the least, when it did happen though I was blissfully
ecstatic.

   By this time I was now twenty one and still technically and literally a
virgin!  Whilst I was happy and in love with my gorgeous girlfriend and
knew that I wanted to go all the way I also knew that it wasn't going to
happen any time soon with her.  I should perhaps add at this point that I
did not just accept Charlotte's no penetration/no contraception edict
unquestioningly I had on occasions reached the point of being poised at her
entrance and only one small push away from taking her fully.  Each time we
ended up in this position, and she was always dripping wet at the time so
arousal/lubrication was not an issue, Charlotte would always say, "it's
your decision but if you do we'll be finished."

   She was the love of my life how could I possibly do the one thing that
would lose her to me??  I didn't want to lose my gorgeous beloved (and she
was) but boy did I want a fuck too, believe me twenty one years of pent up
frustration is way too much!

   I guess that's how I found myself at a Christmas party getting drunk
with a trainee chiropodist called Maxine; she was all over me and obviously
more than willing to go all the way, but for that night I remained chaste
and true to my darling.

   However in the New Year it was my birthday and I got very drunk with a
bunch of mates, my last conscious imprecation to my best friend had been to
make sure he got me home safely.  I woke up to a blinding hangover and an
intense blackness, where the fuck was I??  As I turned over in the bed I
was in I saw the smiling face of Maxine beaming at me from a sleeping bag
on the floor.  Oh fuck what had I done??  "It's OK she said you were very
drunk last night so I brought you home and put you to bed how do you feel?"

   I managed to grunt something completely unintelligible as I gazed round
at the matt black painted room with fluorescent stars twinkling on the
ceiling!  I needed a pee and quickly.  As I moved out of the bed I realised
that I was completely naked, "don't worry," said Maxine, "your clothes are
over here, I had to undress you and put you to bed." This was not getting
any better, "need the bathroom," I mumbled as I stumbled out of her
bedroom.

   Several cups of coffee and a large bottle of Tizer (world's greatest
hangover cure) later I was starting to feel passably human and had been
able to piece together the events of the previous evening.  My mate had
disappeared off to the bar to get a round of drinks at the same time as I
had succumbed to the amount of alcohol I had consumed and slumped semi
conscious in my chair.  Maxine had seized the opportunity and dragged me (I
presume literally) back to her place

   The rest of the day passed in a daze of severely bad hangover and
further sleep, in my own bed I hasten to add.  Not wishing to appear
churlish I had invited Maxine round to dinner the next evening, I was a
passable cook and it was the least I could do wasn't it?

   And so it came to pass that after dinner and a cheap bottle of
Beaujolais I took Maxine to bed and tried to fuck her, and I use the words
advisedly.  Whilst she was no stunning beauty, she was reasonably
attractive (I know that's horribly sexist but it's true) and very horny,
she wasted no time in removing her and my clothes and, sinking down to her
knees, took me in her mouth - this was my first blow job and I should have
been ecstatic but all I can remember thinking was that I'd rather it was
Charlotte's hand - callow or what?

   Cupping Maxine's face in my hands I lifted her up from my cock and
kissed her passionately, whilst simultaneously moving my hand down between
her legs.  I couldn't believe how wet she was, there was an absolute
torrent pouring from her cunt.  I moved the flat palm of my hand against
her mound and began to gently rotate it allowing my middle finger to ease
tantalisingly into her sopping wet slit as it passed six o'clock on each
rotation.

   Although I had never been able to make Charlotte come, my experience of
masturbating her was at least coming in handy (no pun intended).  As my
confidence grew, assisted greatly by the pants and moans being emitted by
Maxine I decided that it was time to test my cunnilingual skills on someone
else too.  I eased Maxine down onto the bed and wasted no time in diving
between her legs and heading mouth first towards her cunt.

   Now I think I said earlier that Charlotte's slit was covered with a fine
gossamer film of wispy red hairs, the contrast of Maxine's hairy twat was
sufficient to put me off my stride (lick!) albeit only briefly, but I did
have to explore with tongue and finger to confirm exactly where and how her
clit protruded etc.  After this brief stumble I was eating Maxine with all
the skill and practice that I had developed on Charlotte.

   My second surprise was soon to follow, after what seemed like only a
couple of minutes I could feel Maxine's cunt twitching and her legs
tightening around my head as, at the same time, she screamed that she was
cumming.

   Good grief I could do this to Charlotte for hours and maybe get an "mmm
that's nice," as a response but never anything like this.  Grabbing my head
from between her thighs she pulled me up and said, "I don't even want to
know where you learned to do that it's wonderful, but I need your cock in
me now.  Where's the condom?"

   Well this was it after twenty one years I was finally going to do it; my
cock was going to experience its first journey into a sopping wet cunt.  I
quickly rolled the condom onto my prick and began to nudge up between
Maxine's legs.  Now my complete inexperience was exposed and I couldn't
find the entrance, cue moment of extreme embarrassment when Maxine asked,
"how can you be so good at sucking my cunt but not be able to find your way
in, anybody would think that you were new to this!" If only she knew!  To
my everlasting gratitude she then reached up and guided my cock into its
destination and that was it, I'd finally broken my cherry and was actually
inside and fucking a woman.

   I should have been ecstatic but to be honest it didn't feel any more
than a bit nice, if I wanked myself the feelings were better, and on the
occasions when Charlotte deigned to touch my dick the sensations were
exquisite by comparison.  It's bound to get better though I thought as I
began to ease in and out of Maxine, maybe it's just the latex barrier
deadening some of the sensations.  After ten minutes it's safe to say that
it hadn't improved for me but I had made Maxine come twice more.

   After about half an hour things, from my perspective, were getting even
more difficult.  In my desire to increase my own stimulation and feelings I
had increased the rate at which I was fucking Maxine until I was pounding
in and out of her cunt like a mad man.  As far as I could tell for her this
definitely seemed to be effective her vocalisations would no doubt have
woken the whole house by now as she had had three more orgasms.  My problem
was more prosaic I was absolutely knackered and no closer to cumming than
when we had started.  What the fuck was I going to do, as Maxine came
again, I did the only thing I could think of and just stopped buried to my
balls in her twitching cunt.  As her eyes fluttered open she asked, "did
you come too?  That was brilliant." What could I do but lie and say yes.

   Whilst my cherry breaking fuck had hardly been a success, the fall out
was potentially, even worse.  Charlotte had not come out for the evening of
my birthday she did not drink at all and was never comfortable watching me
getting hammered.  The problem was that a number of mutual friends had been
in attendance and I couldn't rely on them all being drunk enough not to
have noticed that I'd been taken home by Maxine.

   Unfortunately one of the people at my birthday session also knew
Charlotte very well, she approached me several days later to say that
either I owned up as to what had happened or she would tell Charlotte
herself.  Although as far as Carole was concerned I'd only been taken home
by Maxine she was blissfully unaware of our subsequent fucking etc.  this
was still bad news.  After a couple of days of consideration I knew that I
had to broach the subject with Charlotte, better that she hear it from me
than a third party.  The initial response was as bad as expected and
certainly no less than I deserved, but after a night of tears and me
sleeping on the floor we seemd to carry on regardless.  Over time though it
was clear that the relationship was badly damaged and as I graduated and
moved to London we drifted further apart.  I met other women but none could
hold a light to my darling Charlotte and I heard from friends that she was
seeing a guy called Thomas and that it was fairly serious.  I knew him
vaguely and thought he was a tosser but I guess in our different ways that
made two of us.  Time passed and life moved on.

   I said at the start of this piece that Charlotte was the niece of a
family friend and although over the next ten years she and I met only once
at a family wedding, I still maintained contact with her aunt and uncle and
received updates, albeit irregularly as to what she was doing.  My own life
ran through a series of ups and downs, a short marriage where the sex in my
wife's eyes was good (I think) but to me was mundane and unexciting
followed by a couple of unsatisfactory short term relationships with other
women.  Thus I found myself as a single thirtysomething with a good job,
lots of international travel, but a gaping hole in my life and no idea how
to fill it.

   To this day I still don't know whether I believe in fate or some other
higher influence but whether it exists or not I couldn't believe as I
walked down a street in Manchester who was walking towards me; it was my
first and only true love, my darling Charlotte.  We greeted each other with
pecks on the cheek and agreed to meet later that evening for a drinks and
dinner catch up.

   We met at a local restaurant and, although it had been an awfully long
time since our days together at University and the break up that followed,
we slipped quickly into a conversational warmth and intimacy that brought
flooding back the memories of all the good times that we had had together.
Charlotte's relatives had obviously kept both of us apprised of
developments in the other's life, jobs house moves etc, but their knowledge
was extremely superficial so we had an awful lot of catching up to do.

   I knew that Charlotte had bought a house with Thomas several years ago
but I wasn't sure how strong the relationship still was my information, via
Charlotte's aunt, was that he had another place in the south of England and
spent all his time down there.  After some gentle (and I hope subtle)
probing Charlotte confirmed that the relationship was over, and that they
were looking to sell the house and she would buy somewhere new for herself.


   Again was this fate intervening; after ten years of nomadic work driven
wandering around Europe and America I was now looking to relocate back to
the area to spend more time with my parents.  Dare I even think about the
possibility of rekindling the relationship?

   Over the next few weeks we stayed in regular contact, telephone calls,
drinks, dinner etc and it seemed like the passed years had never really
occurred.  We were slipping back into a comfortable relationship, but of
what nature and duration, that was the sixty four thousand dollar question.
Eventually I plucked up the courage to broach the whole subject with
Charlotte, "you know I've always loved you and still do, it's probably
coloured all my other relationships, we get on really well together is it
possible that we could have a long term relationship." Hardly wooing at a
Shakespearean level I know but at least I overcame my nervousness and asked
the question.

   The ensuing silence seemed to stretch for eternity, but was probably
only seconds, the reply when it came was not quite what I expected, "maybe,
but we'll have to agree the rules," she replied.  Was this good news or
bad? "What do you mean the rules?" I replied.

   "Well you remember at University that we were intimate together, well
that's OK still, but you have to promise me that you'll never want to go
all the way and fuck me." I couldn't work out which bit of this sentence
was the more surprising to me, the intent or the fact that she had used the
word fuck.  In all our time together apart from the odd bugger and shit
when things had gone wrong, Charlotte had never used coarse language, and
in truth we had never actually talked about sex directly either.  To say I
was stunned at this point would be an understatement of epic proportions;
on the one hand I was being offered the opportunity to spend the rest of my
life with my first and only true love, but could I live with the conditions
- no fucking for the rest of my life?

   Keeping the pressure on, where had she learned all this?  Charlotte then
added, "don't take too long to think about it, this offers got a short life
to it, either you want to be with me or you don't."

   "Yes," I replied, "I do."

   "What about my other requirement, are you sure you can live with it?  It
won't be negotiable in the future you do understand don't you?  and don't
even think about finding another slut like that Maxine to play around with
on the side; either I'm enough for you as I am or you get none of me,"

   I responded the only way I could, "yes I do understand and accept your
conditions."

   So that was how nearly fifteen years after we first met I moved in with
my gorgeous darling Charlotte, and this is where my story really starts!

   I approached our first night together with more than a little
trepidation, I wanted to please Charlotte however she wanted but I also
needed relief myself and it obviously wasn't going to come from
intercourse. As we undressed that first evening I was delighted to see that
Charlotte had clearly continued with her regular gym and exercise routine
and that her body was as trim, lithe and goddamit sexy as I remembered it
from ten years ago.

   With a swirl of the duvet, Charlotte was as quickly into the bed and
covered as she had been that very first night that we spent together at
University.  Easing in beside her I took her in my arms and kissed her
gently on the lips and then her breast.  As my hand moved down towards her
slit she breathed in my ear, "remember your promise, fingers and tongue
only ever!" I groaned but nodded my compliance.

   After ten years away I had not forgotten the budding shape of her clit
as it peeped shyly from its little hood of skin at the top of her slit. 
Experience also told me that a slow start caressing her inner thighs and
just brushing over her cunt was much more likely to generate a response,
and maybe even an orgasm (well I could live in hope) than a full frontal
assault with finger fucking etc.

   After ten or fifteen minutes of gentle caressing and stroking of thighs
and circling around her slit massaging the outer regions of her mons I
could feel Charlotte's cunt juices beginning to flow around my hand.  At
this point I began to use my middle finger to circle around her clit with
irregular but deepening dips down to penetrate into her cunt.

   As my finger opened the way and delved deeper I was stunned to realise
that it was beginning to push against an internal boundary.  I couldn't
stop myself blurting out, "Jesus you're still a virgin!" Well that
obviously blew the mood completely, how could I be such an idiot and fuck
things up for a second time?

   Charlotte looked at me and said quietly, "yes I am, and the reasons for
that are mine alone.  You agreed to the rules and they're not going to be
changed."

   "but, but..." I spluttered, "you and Thomas were together for nearly ten
years, didn't you ever, well obviously not..." I continued digging myself
into an even bigger verbal hole.

   "What I did and didn't do with Thomas is none of your business," was the
brusque response.  "My relationship with him is personal between him and me
and none of your business.  Yes I am still a virgin, I intend to remain
that way and again the reasons behind this decision are mine alone.  I
suggest that you go and sleep in the spare room and maybe we'll talk in the
morning."

   A very sleepless and frustrated night ensued, me and my big mouth, how
could I have been so stupid, after ten years I had won back the love of my
life and on our first night back together I'd fucked it up and lost her.

   The next morning I heard Charlotte go downstairs and I quietly followed
her down expecting to receive my marching orders as I entered the kitchen.
Imagine my surprise then to be greeted with, "good morning did you sleep
well?  We need to go to the shops this morning and stock up on food etc.  I
haven't forgotten how good a cook you are so you're on dinner duty tonight,
OK?" The rest of the day continued in a similarly surreal state of complete
normality.

   As we headed up the stairs to bed at the end of the day I naturally
moved back towards the spare room, "where are you going silly, you're in
here with me." Was all that Charlotte said.

   As we snuggled down together she looked me in the eye and began to
speak, "this is very difficult for me and I will never be able to repeat it
so listen carefully.  You know I hate losing control it's just not
acceptable to me, It's why I don't drink as you well know.  I really enjoy
the way you touch and kiss me but I can't let myself go and orgasm for you
or anybody else, I might enjoy it too much and that can never happen.  If I
allowed you inside me I suspect I could not hold back.  With tongues and
fingers I've learnt that I can control my body to take pleasure but not let
go.  Now please just hold me whilst we go to sleep I really enjoy our
closeness and feeling your warmth by my side."

   Over the next few months I kept replaying those words over and over in
my mind, I had always assumed that Charlotte was somehow afraid of sex
maybe even that she had experienced some level of abuse at an early age,
but it never crossed my mind that she could not accept the loss of control
that an orgasm brings.  Now I knew, what, if anything, could I do about it.
My thoughts wandered back to our days at University and the times that I
had been poised with my cock at the entrance to her cunt only to be told
that if I pressed ahead (or indeed in) everything would be over.  Did I now
have the bottle to take the risk and what would be the outcome if I did??
After several weeks of turmoil I made the decision to try, hell all I had
to lose was the love of my life!

   The next evening I had been eating Charlotte's cunt for more than an
hour and from the flow of juices and the relaxation of her body I could
tell that she was approaching her self imposed pleasure limit.  Moving back
up her body and kissing her on the lips I positioned my raging hard cock at
the entrance to her body.  She immediately stiffened and I could feel her
outer cunt muscles tightening around the head of my cock.  "You promised,"
she hissed, "don't you dare go further.  Come up here and let me touch you
instead."

   Well what could I do?  I have to say the wank was wonderful; Charlotte
had definitely got better at it over the years - although I didn't really
want to think about whom she had learned it from.

   As time passed we continued in what even I can see was a peculiar sexual
relationship, but I was happy.  Then over time I began to resent the
situation, was it possible for me to continue indefinitely without
penetrative sex or heaven forbid a blowjob.  Even though the number of
times in any given period that my darling wanked me off had increased
markedly; at the end of the day the whole of my sex life had been subsumed
into me giving oral and digital sex whilst receiving regular wanks.  Was
this where I wanted my sex life to be?

   Then came the fateful day; over a period of months as my frustration
mounted I had started to wank myself off when Charlotte was not around. 
This had started prosaically enough, lie on bed and use hand etc.  Then I
had googled masturbation and found that there was a plethora of pleasurable
options out there; The Mushroom Method, Upward Squeeze, Campfire Method,
Hands Free Pelvic Grind and dozens more (Author's note - these are not the
product of a fertile - or indeed febrile - mind, all are genuine!).  As my
interest in improving the quality of my solitary pleasures increased I
began to consider other ways to increase the sensations associated with my
wanking.  Inevitably my mind was drawn back to my adolescence and my
furtive trialling of my mother's underwear.  As I said at the beginning of
this ramble the thrill for me was not from some Oedipal connection, but
simply I liked the feel of wispy materials against my skin.

   So began my experimentation with wanking whilst wearing items of
Charlotte's lingerie, I started simply wearing lacy knickers with my cock
sticking out of the waist band for relief.  Over time this progressed to
also wearing her suspender belts and stockings and even bras whilst
wanking. The sensations of silky materials against my skin and, in truth,
the forbidden/furtive feelings all enhanced my solitary masturbation
sessions greatly.

   My relationship with Charlotte outside our bedroom grew and deepened
over this time, with the (substantial) exception of our differing sexual
needs/desires we were a well matched couple and deeply in love.  Whilst I
would like to think that the depth of feelings we had for each other would
always have been sufficient to sustain our, albeit slightly peculiar,
relationship alas we'll never know, as things changed dramatically that
fateful Thursday morning.

   Although my work still demanded a lot of travel I did have the
opportunity to spend periods of time working from home.  These periods were
also my opportunity to dress up in Charlotte's knickers etc and wank whilst
she was out at work.  I had kissed and waved her goodbye that morning with
a raging erection in place, she had been busy at work so our nocturnal
activities had been even more subdued than usual as she was so tired.  As
soon as I had seen her car turn the corner out of sight I raced back
upstairs and stripped naked in the bedroom.  With that familiar guilty
flutter in my chest I then opened Charlotte's lingerie drawer and surveyed
the delights within, my cock twitched as I touched my favourite lace
panties, but today was a day to indulge so I would go the whole hog with a
pair of silky stockings and a suspender belt as well.

   As I slid the stockings up my legs and clipped them to the suspender
belt my excitement was mounting and my cock was getting even harder, I
moved onto the bed and began to stroke my prick through the bulging lacy
material of my favourite knickers.  Easing my cock out of the waist band I
began to use the material to glide slowly up and down the length of my cock
- ahh bliss.  As I continued to stroke my shaft I reached for a
conveniently placed tube of lubricant and dipped my finger in.  Easing
aside the gusset of the panties I continued to wank my cock whilst slowly
inserting my lubricated finger into my arse.  I have to say at this point
that anal penetration had been a relatively new experience for me but one
which I had discovered added greatly to my masturbatory pleasure.  So there
I was kneeling on the bed in stocking suspenders and lacy knickers wanking
myself stupid with a finger up my arse and Charlotte walked in!

   To say that I was surprised would be an understatement of vast
proportions and my dick was deflating rapidly at the totally unexpected and
extremely embarrassing interruption.  My incredulity though was further
extended when I heard Charlotte say, "no please don't stop I want to watch,
you're obviously enjoying it very much." At these words my cock seemed to
react far quicker than I could mentally assimilate the words and promptly
hardened and protruded stiffly back out of Charlotte's panties.  Given this
reaction I did the only thing I could under the circumstances - I carried
on.  As I stroked my prick and continued to finger fuck my arse I knew for
sure that I would not last very long, but any misgivings I may have had
about cumming in these circumstances were rapidly overcome by the wave of
pleasure that coursed through my body.  With a shuddering groan I came
spurting jism everywhere and experiencing the best orgasm of my life.  As
the waves of pleasure subsided I opened my eyes and looked directly at
Charlotte.

   To this day I have no idea of what reaction I was expecting - shock,
horror, anger maybe, imagine then my surprise to see the smile on her face
and then to hear her words, "that looked wonderful darling, I'm glad you
enjoyed it so much and thank you for letting me watch it too."

   What the hell was going on here, I've just been discovered in a
seriously compromising and perverted situation and my darling virginal
girlfriend is thanking me.  My confusion continued as Charlotte then said,
"why don't you clean yourself up and then we can talk.  You can leave my
underwear on though if you would like to!"

   Well I wasn't going to argue; five minutes ago when she had walked in on
me I had assumed that everything was over, but now I had absolutely no idea
what was happening.  As I returned from the bathroom having cleaned off the
cum that I had sprayed and dribbled on myself I found Charlotte sitting on
the bed gesturing for me to join her.

   I had of course followed her other instructions and was still wearing
her stockings, suspender belt and knickers, as I sat down beside her she
reached across and hugged me and in truth my confusion deepened as I heard
her say, "don't look so worried this is the best thing that could have
happened for us!"

   "You've always known that I'm a control freak, I find it difficult to
let myself go in any situation and sexually I've always found it
impossible. If I'd ever let you, or Thomas, make me orgasm or god forbid
fuck me senseless, then I'd have been totally in your thrall and that just
cannot happen.  Had you ever gone that extra mile - or even six inches
those times when you were just nudging up to my cunt then you would have
had me literally and metaphorically forever, but I'm glad that you never
had the balls because this is going to be just so much better."

   At these words a tumbling of emotions swept over me as I assimilated
what I was being told?  I was a wimp who should have just gone ahead and
fucked her then she'd have been mine forever and why was this (whatever
this was) going to be so much better, and for whom?

   "In my own way I do love you as much as I know you love me, but I've
always been afraid that my limitations to our sex life would ultimately
drive you away.  You will never know how much you hurt me when you went off
and fucked Maxine, but I also knew that it was partly my fault as I didn't
want to give you what you wanted and for sure you were too much of a wimp
too take it.

   Today though I've seen something wonderful, now I know your guilty dirty
little secret and from what I could see you seemed to enjoy it all greatly.
Although I can't be totally certain I suspect that you got more pleasure
from the situation and especially my watching you than from fucking
somebody else, am I right?" I could only nod dumbly in agreement.

   "Good, so now you're all mine forever and I'll never have to worry about
losing you to some wet and willing cunt will I." This was definitely a day
for for gobsmacking surprises, I had never heard Charlotte use this sort of
language and intonation all I could do though was nod my head in agreement
with everything she was saying.

   "Well I'm glad you agree with me so let's agree a new set of rules -
firstly the old rules still apply, I still want you to touch and eat me and
if you're really lucky I may even wank you.  In future though you will be
allowed to dress up like this and play with yourself whilst I watch, but
only when I give my permission.  However we're going to go and get you some
underwear of your own, I'm sick of finding my panties stretched and out of
shape, did you really think I wouldn't notice and then try and catch you
out!"

   So that was how my guilty secret had been discovered, Charlotte's return
today had not been random chance after all and although I was now never
going to get to fuck my darling girlfriend I just knew that I was going to
enjoy these new developments in our peculiar sex life.

   Two years on and time had proved that my thoughts at the time were
prophetically correct.  I was now the proud possessor of a drawer full of
sexy underwear and at least once a week I got to dress up in these
wonderful garments and play with myself.  In the early days Charlotte's
involvement had been limited to watching and providing the odd observation
that I seemed to be enjoying things.  Very quickly however her controlling
nature asserted itself and I found that everything from my underwear
selection to the exact method and timing of my masturbation was being
directed and controlled by her..

   One area where she had pushed my boundaries further than I had expected
was with regard to anal penetration.  Having found me that first day with a
finger up my arse I was pushed (well a little bit but mostly willingly) to
go further and over time I built up a collection of vibrators and dildos
that I would insert whilst wanking.  My absolute favourite scene was to be
dressed in stockings and suspenders on my hands and knees on the bed with a
buzzing vibrator fucking my arse doggy fashion whilst I used my thumb and
forefinger to ease my foreskin back and forth.  Charlotte knew that this
position was intensely exciting and pleasing for me but would take great
delight in not allowing me to cum for extended periods of time.  She became
expert in recognising the onset of my orgasm and ordering me to stop
stroking myself and just squeeze the shaft of my cock tightly until the
feelings had subsided.  Needless to say the vibrator buzzing away against
my prostate made this exquisitely difficult to take, but she was my
Mistress and I could only obey.

   True to her word Charlotte also still allowed me to pleasure her with my
mouth and hands on occasions too.  It was still a delight for me to lick
and suck at her gorgeous cunt and taste her heavenly juices and I had long
since learned to ignore the frustration that I could not make her orgasm.
Perhaps it was the infrequency of these acts or maybe just the fact that I
was a typical slow male, but it took me a long time to realise during these
sessions when I got to touch and stroke Charlotte that she was no longer
virgo intacto.

   The day that this realisation dawned on me I was horror struck but,
remembering the adverse response last time I had commented on her
maidenhead, I managed to control myself and continued to gently digitally
massage my darling's cunt walls until she stopped me saying, "that was very
nice but I'm sleepy now, goodnight."

   From my side a sleepless night ensued, dozens of pictures were flashing
through my mind mostly involving my gorgeous girlfriend being fucked
senseless and allowing herself to lose control, but with whom?

   Over the next few days my imagination ran riot as I mused on the
possibilities of who was fucking Charlotte.  I knew that it would never be
a one off event.  She herself had admitted that she was capable of losing
herself in an orgasmic frenzy and that once the control was gone she would
be in total thrall to the cock that pierced her.  My mind ranged over the
obvious candidates, her boss at work, the gardener, the next door
neighbour, even a couple of our friends.  The truth was though I had
absolutely no idea with whom she would have let herself go, in fact I still
couldn't believe that she had, but the evidence was quite clearly there (or
in fact not) to feel.

   I knew that I had a significant decision to make, I really wanted to
know who Charlotte was fucking and why but I didn't want to lose her again,
she was the love of my life.  My alternative was to say nothing and maybe
never know.  There was of course a third option, turn detective and see if
I could discover for myself who had taken my girlfriend and so I began to
snoop.

   I'd follow Charlotte to work and check to see if she made any
diversionary meetings, then in the evening I'd try and catch her leaving
the car park and follow her home.  After several weeks of this sleuthing
activity I could only conclude that she was better at avoiding my tailing
than I ever would be at following her, this wasn't going to work.

   Plan B was then to observe her whenever we were with other people, and
specifically in male or mixed company.  I was sure that even if Charlotte
was good at hiding her emotional involvement - and my experience was that
she was brilliant at hiding her emotions full stop - but it was unlikely
that her partner could not continue to be equally discreet.  We met friends
for dinner and drinks over the next few weeks and still there was no
indication as to who my darling's secret lover might be.  The only time I
had even the slightest speculative self questioning was when I saw
Charlotte one morning touching the arm of Dan our very large, very black
gardener, but I was being stupid wasn't I, there's no way she would go
there, was there?

   More time passed and still no clue as to who the secret lover was, I
couldn't help noticing that Charlotte was more relaxed generally though and
that her physical responses to my finger fucking and pussy eating were just
a little bit more responsive - or was this just my imagination?

   Our life continued as "normal" for several more months until one evening
in bed as I was stroking and caressing Charlotte she turned to me and said,
"you know don't you?" Playing dumb (but badly), I responded, "know what
darling?"

   "Don't play the idiot with me," was the prompt reply, "you may be many
things including a knicker wearing wanker, but I know that you're also very
intelligent and observant so don't piss me around.  I know that you have
realised that my maidenhead, my virginity, is no longer intact, you might
think that you've been subtle about it, but believe me I have noticed you
rooting around in there trying to find it!"

   Well how could I respond, denial didn't seem to be a particularly strong
approach, especially given Charlotte's accurate summation of my recent and
as I wrongly hoped, tactful, searching for her hymen.  Truth seemed to be
the only option left open to me so here goes, "yes my darling I couldn't
help but notice that somebody had taken your virginity.  I've been out of
my mind for weeks trying to work out who, why and what it means for us," I
replied.

   "Well they're easy questions to answer," was the immediate retort, "who
is none of your business, why is only my business and it means nothing for
us unless you want it to."

   Whilst at this point I'd like to be able to report that my masculinity
asserted itself and that I'd taken serious umbrage with the first two parts
of this reply, the truth was that I was so relieved about the third
element, i.e.  that we could still continue if I wanted to, that the rest
of the sentence although raising far more questions than it answered, went
unquestioned in my mind at least at that time.

   I was further diverted by Charlotte then saying, "look I know it's been
more than a week since we last played your game (this was how we now
described my panty wearing masturbation), and I'm sure your very
frustrated. Why don't you go and put on those nice new grey silk panties
and I'll watch you play with yourself." Of course, as usual she knew which
buttons to push, and how could I refuse.  So ten minutes later I was
kneeling on the bed wearing some gorgeous grey silk knickers and a matching
bra, whilst stroking my cock to a throbbing climax.  Charlotte was just too
good at this, she had that unerring sense of how to distract my attention,
although on reflection it probably wasn't too difficult.

   Although the short term diversionary tactic worked fine it wasn't long
before I was again deep in contemplation as to who was fucking my
girlfriend and even more importantly why she had finally succumbed to
somebody else's cock.  It was no good I couldn't let it go I was going to
have to ask her the question, if that was the end of the relationship then
so be it!

   After a typically normal evening, I had cooked dinner and we had retired
to bed where I had eaten Charlotte nearly to orgasm yet again I couldn't
hold back I just had to know the truth.  As we lay cuddled together I bit
my tongue and then just went for it, "look darling I know you have told me
it's none of my business but I can't help it I need to know who you have
been fucking.  It's not just that I'm jealous, although I am a little bit,
but you know I'm happy with our sex life and I don't know....  I just need
to know," I tailed off.

   My expectation was for a prompt and vigorously negative response, as
ever I was surprised to be hugged and told, "I'm really sorry Ian I never
meant to hurt you.  You know how much I love you and would never want to
hurt you but this is different...  I don't want to spoil what we have but I
can see that you will not stop asking so here's the deal, once - and only
once I'll allow you to meet my lovers and watch me with them.  Then you'll
know and we revert back to how we are now, is that a deal?"

   Oh shit, she hadn't said lover it was lovers plural nor had she said it
would stop once I had seen "it" happen, what the fuck was I going to do. 
The reality was that I knew that I had no option but to acquiesce.  The not
knowing was crucifying me anyway; whoever they were the not knowing was
worse.  "OK," I replied quietly.

   "I'm sorry," was the retort, "I'm not sure I got that, did you say OK?",
"yes I replied," still quietly.

   "Right well I accept your decision but you need to be very clear in your
own mind how this will be.  I will let you see me once, and once only, in
action with Dan and Rabbit, you will not interfere, you will not be allowed
to participate and you will never question my sexual activities again.  Do
you understand?"

   Through this torrent I could only focus on one thing the, name Dan, my
darling Charlotte was fucking the gardener and presumably some friend of
his with the stupid nickname Rabbit.  For a moment I was tempted to say no,
but Charlotte was always a better poker player than me she knew I'd agree
albeit grudgingly what else could I do?

   My next few days were tormented by thoughts of my gorgeous girlfriend
being ravaged by our black gardener and his anonymous friend with the
stupid nickname.  How on earth had this happened, I knew that deep down
Charlotte was a very sexual being but I could never envisage her losing
control especially with the gardener.  How on earth had he managed to
engineer a situation where it was even possible?

   Two days later when she came home from work Charlotte sat down beside on
the settee and said, "OK tomorrow is the night when you see me with my
lovers.  I know you've agreed once but I need to hear you say it again. 
This will only happen once, I will make sure that you cannot be involved
and you will never see it happen again, do you agree?"

   Confused, frustrated and excited though I was I couldn't help noticing
the change in wording, this time Charlotte was saying that she would make
sure I could not participate.  What the hell did that mean, I'd be on a
video link, see pictures only or what.  As ever she was ahead of me and I
could only agree yet again.

   The plan was set I would return from work the next evening at about six
o'clock, I would go straight to our bedroom and undress then sit in the
armchair in the room and wait for Charlotte to arrive.  The suspense over
the next twenty odd hours was exquisite, I couldn't believe how aroused and
excited I was about even the thought of seeing my darling girlfriend
finally let go even if it was on the cock of our gardener.  I returned from
work early the next evening and could hardly contain myself as I went
straight to our bedroom and undressed.

   There were no signs of Charlotte's presence, or indeed her lovers,
although Dan's truck was parked at the end of the street portending things
to come??  As I sat in the arm chair and waited my imagination ran riot and
my erection grew to, for me, epic proportions as I sat and daydreamed about
what was to come.

   All of a sudden the bedroom door swung open and Charlotte entered the
room, "I see you were back early then, couldn't wait for the show huh?" was
her first observation as she walked in and saw me naked.  "No knickers
either, good boy I haven't yet told you which to wear, I'm glad to see that
you haven't forgotten the rules even if the circumstances are different."
Truth to tell I had been so turned on by what I was expecting to see that
it had never even crossed my mind to dress up in my lingerie.  I was more
than hoping that the eroticism of what I was about to see would not need
any knicker wearing enhancement.

   "OK, first of all I want you to put on the grey silk pair, and the
matching suspender belt and stockings - I know you adore them and I
wouldn't want my lovers to see you at anything but your best." Oh shit, not
only was our gardener going to fuck my wife whilst I watched, he was also
going to see me as a knicker wearing wimp as well!  But how could I refuse
or stop now I had to know and see what was going to happen and who was
fucking my darling girlfriend.  I moved to the chest of drawers that
contained my lingerie and quickly dressed as I had been instructed.

   "You look lovely Ian," Charlotte said, "but now I need you to sit back
down in the armchair, and then you remember your promise, so I'm going to
handcuff you to the arms of the chair so you cannot interfere." Without
demur I co-operated and that dear reader is how I found myself handcuffed
into an immovable armchair wearing grey silk knickers, stockings and
suspenders waiting to watch my girlfriend get fucked by our very large
black gardener.

   Five years previously I'd have given you long odds against any
individual element, the totality would have been unthinkable.

   As Charlotte checked the security of the handcuffs she apologised
simultaneously, "I'm sorry about having to do this but I have to be sure
that you cannot interfere.  Oh and by the way I don't want you to watch my
preparations so I'm going to blindfold you as well.  I promise it will come
off before the action starts."

   I was hardly in a position to argue, once the blindfold was in place I
heard Charlotte leave the room to collect her lovers.  Although my brain
was telling me that t his was all wrong, my cock was in violent
disagreement, my erection was harder than I had ever experienced and I knew
that I would come at the slightest touch.

   I heard Charlotte's footsteps as she returned but despite my best
efforts I was unable to hear or sense the movements of either Dan or Rabbit
(and yes it's still a stupid name!).  Over the next few minutes I could
hear some slight noises but nothing that I could pin down.  As my
anticipation heightened I heard Charlotte speak, "thank you darling for
your patience, I know it's been very difficult for you and I do know how
much of a reflection of your love for me your submission tonight is, I love
you too." At this my blindfold was removed, the lights were dim and as I
gazed around the room I was struggling to make out who was present, I could
see Charlotte standing naked in front of me, but no more.

   "I know you love and adore my body, you have spent so much time
worshipping it for which I'm more than grateful, but tonight you're going
to see it receive immensely more pleasure than I could ever allow you to
give, but hopefully you'll understand why afterwards." Although I heard the
words I still didn't understand, as far as I could tell Charlotte was still
the only other person in the room, where the fuck was Dan?  As these
thoughts were passing quickly through my mind Charlotte stepped back,
turned to the bedside table and then recrossed the room back to where I was
captive in the chair.

   Holding her hands up in front of her she said quietly, "I'd now like you
to meet my friends Dan and the Rabbit." What the fuck was she on about we
were the only people in the room and what was in her hands.  Realisation
dawned very slowly (again probably a male thing) in each hand was a
vibrator, the one on the left large black and veined (presumably Dan) and
in the right a rabbit straight out of the sex toy catalogue.

   As the realisation dawned Charlotte looked at me and smiled, "oh surely
now, you didn't think I was fucking the gardener did you??  That would be
way too obvious and you know I've always been a class act!!"

   Tempting though it is to end the story there, I hope readers that you
are still keen to hear more so don't let me disappoint.

   "I've told you before that I am afraid of my own sexuality, I know that
if I was made to come it would be unbelievably good and that I'd be forever
beholden to whomever made it happen - that loss of control is unacceptable
to me.  I can also now tell you that I've always enjoyed and been heavily
aroused by your finger fucking and eating my pussy but could not allow
myself to go all the way.  As our relationship has developed, I've really
enjoyed watching you masturbate and fuck your own ass, the realisation
finally dawned that I could do something similar to myself without losing
control.  So this is where I am.  When I want to - and it will only ever be
my decision, I can use these toys to bring myself off beautifully.  I do
lose control during the orgasm, but it's me that decides when it happens
and how and with the exception of today, as I promised, nobody else will
ever even see it happen.  Would you like to watch me come?"

   All I could do was nod dumbly, my emotions were in complete turmoil my
gorgeous girlfriend was still mine alone, she wasn't fucking the gardener,
but she had found a way to satisfy herself sexually that meant I'd always
be the wanker wearing panties.  Could I live with myself being cuckolded by
a pair of vibrators - damn right I could.

   At my affirmative signal Charlotte moved back and lay down on the bed,
as her hands moved down her body I could hear the low humming as she
started her two friends vibrating away.  She used the large black vibrator
to stimulate her nipples whilst the Rabbit in her other hand travelled
quickly down between her legs.  I was amazed to see how quickly Charlotte
was getting aroused her beautiful body was starting to squirm around on the
bed as she used both vibrators on herself.  Turning towards me she licked
her lips and said, "now you'll see why I could never let you or Thomas fuck
me." At this she moved the large black vibrator down to replace the Rabbit
between her legs.  As she gently eased its length into her cunt I was
surprised at how easily she accommodated its length - she had obviously had
lots of practice.  With only the end protruding I saw Charlotte's hand
reach down and turn the base of the vibrator increasing the speed and the
sound from a gentle hum to an incessant buzzing.  The effect on her body
was electrifying.  Her spine arched and I could see orgasmic spasms
wracking her body, even more surprisingly was the vocalisation of her
orgasm.  Despite my best (and I like to think they were quite good)
ministrations the most I had ever been able to wring from my darling's lips
was the occasional hum of pleasure.  As she was fucking herself with this
vibrator she was screaming incoherently as her orgasms crashed through her.
At this point I came myself spewing jism all over my silk panties as an
orgasm as big as Charlotte's wracked through me.

   As we both began to come down from the post sexual highs that we had
experienced I couldn't help but think what would have happened if I had had
the bottle to fuck Charlotte all those years ago.  If a plastic vibrator
could bring her this much pleasure how much more would a real cock have
produced; was it possible that the tables could have been turned?  Instead
of becoming a knicker wearing wanker could I have been the possessor of a
genuine fuck slut of the first order - we'll never know now will we??