Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Comments are much appreciated.  My E-mail is henlar@hotmail.com



   If, for some reason, you feel offended by sexual stories, then I don't
know why you have opened this one.  Maybe to be offended, so you can
complain about how awful it is that somebody writes stuff like this.  If
that's the case, my advice is to seek professional help.  You need it.  If
you are not allowed to read stories like this and choose to continue, I
will not be held responsible.  But don't worry, it's all fantasy.

   This and most of my stories would have been a mess of spelling errors
and grammatical rubbish, had it not been for Old Rotorhead, Cagey and
Marie. I'm very thankful for their patient work and encouragement.

   If you liked the story, then feel free to tell me so.  If you thought it
could have been better, please let me know as well.  My E-mail is
henlar@hotmail.com.







   (c) Henrik Larsen 2000. Reposting or any other use is strictly
prohibited without the express, written permission of the copyright holder.
E-mail me, I'll probably give you permission.  I just want to know and
control where it is posted.  This story may be posted as part of a review
or to the ASSM archive.



   Confessions 4.

   We quickly forgot the near-pregnancy experience.  There was so much else
to think about.  The first preliminary test before the final exam came in
the beginning of March and we had to spend more time, studying.  It was
judgement day for Mark in particular.  I had a fair idea about how his
father had persuaded the headmaster to let Mark stay, after he "copied"
Annie's English paper, but I had no idea about how Mark managed to convince
his father that he was doing well in school.  But he couldn't hide the
results of the test and I guess his father got pretty upset.

   It became the end of social life for Mark, at least until after the
final exams.  His father hired a teacher to try and put some of the missing
knowledge into Mark's thick head before final exams.  Every afternoon, Mark
studied with his tutor and in the evening it was homework, closely followed
by his father.  Mark was furious and somehow he felt it was Annie's fault.
He hated her guts, but he couldn't do much about it.  The few times he
tried to ridicule Annie, she crucified him with her wits.  So, of course,
he still hated her.

   Annie and I didn't have a social life the same way Mark had, with
friends and such.  But kissing and cuddling in the afternoon had to make
way for homework and extra studying.  Sometimes, it was hard to concentrate
on the Napoleonic Wars or trigonometry, when Annie was sitting at the same
table.  Her fragrance tried to lure me away from the books, tried to
distract me.  Too often, it succeeded, but Annie was very determined to do
well on the final exams and she blankly refused to do anything but study
together, until we went to bed in the evening.  But then she was as loving
and wonderful as ever.

   Even though caution became had become very important, when we had real
sex, it was close a few times.  We both badly wanted to let go. 
Unfortunately, we didn't have access to any form of contraceptives and
neither of us dared to ask our parents.  The fantasy about using Annie's
other hole was still there and excited us both, but so far, Annie hadn't
been up to it and I didn't want to push her, no matter how much I wished
she would do it.



   Spring was early and very warm that year.  Late April was sunny with
summer temperatures.  Sometimes, we could sit in the garden and study in
the afternoon.  It made the studying feel less tedious and that was much
needed.

   Only one of our teachers had some kind of understanding about how
stressful it was to prepare for the exam.  He was relatively young, at
least compared to the rest of the staff, who best could be described as
museum pieces.  Maybe they weren't that old, but they had been at the
school since dinosaurs walked the surface of the earth.  A lot of them had
been pupils at the school and after they had finished their education, they
had returned as teachers.  I guess it maintained the "spirit" of the
school, keeping it as old-fashioned as it had always been.  We had reached
an age where we suddenly realised how ridiculous many of the rules and
traditions of the school were.  One more year and we would probably have
rebelled against it too.

   But there was one young teacher, who hadn't been a pupil in our school
and hadn't been there long enough to assimilate the special "spirit" of the
school.  He was very, very popular amongst the pupils and I assume he was
equally unpopular amongst his colleagues.

   Anyway, this teacher seemed to understand the pressure.  Maybe he was
young enough to remember.  One day, at the beginning of May, just before
the exams began, he came into the classroom, looking very serious.

   'Class!  We are approaching the final exam and you are all studying
hard. This lesson will be one of the most important lessons you will ever
receive from this school and I want you to pay special attention.  I know
how your brains are close to overload, but I think it will be possible to
cram in another important piece of information.'

   He sounded just like all the old teachers.  It was typical of the way
they all started, when they wanted to give us the lecture on why it was
their particular subject that was the most important subject of all. 
However, it wasn't like him and, sure enough, he had something up his
sleeve.

   'Throughout all your life, you will be facing situations where pressure
and stress will prevent you from thinking straight and prevent you from
doing the best you can.  There is one and only one cure for this.  Pay
attention, ladies and gents, this is important stuff.  You have to learn to
relax, disconnect the brain, give it a rest.  You need to learn to unwind
completely for a few minutes, for an hour, for as long as needed to let
your brain clear.  This doesn't mean sleeping.  In your sleep, your brain
is still busy, dreaming and working on the same problems that you had
before you went asleep.  No, you have to be awake and occupy yourself with
something that doesn't require too much of your brain, but preferably
something of your body.  That way, your brain can concentrate on your body
mechanics and nothing else.  So . . .' he open a large basket and took out
a football, 'we are going to spent this lesson learning that.  I suggest a
game of soccer.'

   A loud roar rose in the classroom.  Everybody cheered, even those girls
who normally didn't do any kind of physical exercise.  The teacher hushed
us.

   'Quiet now.  We don't want to attract too much attention.  I'm not sure
my colleagues approve of my theory of education.  Now, let's all walk
quietly to the sports field.'

   We calmed down as much as possible.  I mean, it was a little like taking
the cap off a bottle of soda that you have shaken intensively and then try
to stop the flow.  But we managed to get to the field without causing too
much commotion.

   The game was chaotic but fun.  None of the girls were used to playing
soccer and just kicking the ball yielded very unpredictable results. 
Still, the game served its purpose up the point where Mark's team got a
free kick.

   Mark was to take the free kick.  He was a brilliant player with
fantastic control over the ball.  He would usually score on a free kick at
that distance.  It was fairly close to the goal and some of the players on
our team formed a wall, but it would probably be useless, considering how
good Mark was.

   Annie was standing a little bit away from the others, not in any way in
a spot where it would be expected that the ball would come.  Mark stood for
a second, before he started his run.  With the greatest precision and force
he could master, he sent the ball directly into Annie's stomach. 
Considering where Annie was and where the goal was, it was obvious that he
had done it on purpose.

   The force of the ball knocked Annie over and she crumpled up in pain.  I
ran to her, everybody did.

   'Got you, bitch!' I heard Mark say, triumphantly.  While a couple of the
girls tried to get Annie up and make her stretch out to ease the pain, I
turned towards Mark.  I was furious and even though I had never engaged in
fighting, I was ready to smack him good.  I was strong enough to beat the
hell out of him.  He was a few feet away and I looked at him.  He was
grinning, but suddenly, his face changed.  He looked like he had seen a
ghost, pale and frightened.  He was looking at the scene behind me and I
turned to see what was wrong.

   Annie was standing between two of the girls.  Small streams of blood
were running down her thighs.  I think I heard somebody say they were going
to get an ambulance.  If I was mad before, I was totally enraged now.  I
turned towards Mark with the full intention of hurting him bad, but he was
gone.  Then I looked down and there he was, unconscious on the ground.

   Since I was too late to beat him up, I turned my attention to Annie. 
She was crying, obviously in pain and it looked like she was seriously
hurt. It took ages for the ambulance to arrive.  In all the confusion,
nobody noticed that Mark had passed out and when it was all over, he was
gone.

   Our teacher thought it best if it was one of the girls that went with
her in the ambulance.  I was to contact my mother and then go to the
hospital.  When I got there, mom was already there, sitting by Annie's bed.
My entrance in the room seemed to be the cue she had waited for.  She got
up and said something about getting back to work and that she would come
around in the evening.

   I took a chair and sat down next to Annie.  She didn't look that bad.

   'So, are you OK?' I asked.

   'Yes . . .  I guess.  Kind of.  It still hurts a little, but they say it
will pass quickly,' Annie replied.

   'When will you be sent home?'

   'They'll keep me here tonight, just in case.'

   'In case of what?  What was the blood?  What had happened?' I asked,
trying not to sound too worried.

   'I . . .  was pregnant.  The ball . . .  I had a miscarriage,' Annie
said and took a deep breath.  'Don't worry, it's okay now.  It was just . .
.  a bit of a shock.'

   'You mean . . .  but we haven't . . .  I mean, we have been so careful.
What's mom going to say?  Did you tell her?  What . . .'

   A million thoughts flew through my head.  I was terrified but also
relieved in a strange way.  What on earth would have happened if Mark
hadn't kicked the ball, if Annie hadn't aborted?

   'She was more concerned about why we were playing soccer, when we were
supposed to be studying for the final exams.  All she said was that she
thought I'd better get on the pill.  She didn't even ask who the father
was.' Annie replied, sarcastically.

   I was shocked.  I think I wanted to say something, I just didn't know
what.  I didn't know how to handle this.  I was confused, frightened and
still I knew it was Annie that was in trouble, not really me.  I mean, she
was the one that was, or rather had been, pregnant.  I was supposed to help
her, comfort her, do something and I couldn't.  I was depending on her to
be strong.  She was always the one that knew what to do.  I guess I was too
concerned about her pregnancy to question mom's reaction.  I was kind of
pleased about her indifference.

   'Don't worry, it's all right,' Annie said, sensing my desperation.  'The
problem is solved and nobody will ever know anything about it.  If I get on
the pill, we won't have to worry about that any more.'

   'Annie, I . . .  I don't know what I would do without you.'

   Annie giggled.

   'You wouldn't have got into this situation.'

   'It's my fault too.  But you . . .  you can handle it.  I . . .'

   'You could too, if you had to.'

   'I love you Annie.'

   'I love you too.'

   I wanted to hug her, to kiss her and hold her really tight, but a nurse
came in to check on something.  I held her hand and gave it a little extra
squeeze.  Annie smiled.  She was so strong.



   Annie came home the next day, but she stayed at home a few days, before
she returned to school.  I was a little surprised at how easily she got
over it.  Mark somehow managed to avoid being expelled from school.  I
guess his father had a way of convincing the headmaster.  Personally, I
think Mark would have preferred to stay away.  The headmaster gave him a
public scolding the next day and really humiliated Mark.  In class, he was
left out, socially.  Everybody ignored him.  Still, the final exam was a
fortnight away.

   Annie got over the whole thing very quickly, but she became more moody.
Maybe it was the pill that did it.  She was sometimes depressed and she
developed a temper she hadn't had before.

   We had a wonderful summer together.  We didn't have to worry about
pregnancy anymore and we had the whole of each weekday to ourselves.  We
could indulge in each other for hours, physically and mentally, just the
two of us.  Most of the time, Annie was as happy as I was, but sometimes
she would get depressed.  I tried to find out why, but she wouldn't tell
me. She said she didn't know why, it just happened.  It was probably the
pill, but she didn't want to stop taking them and have to worry about
pregnancy again.

   When summer holidays were over, we started at high school.  After our
summer together, it was hard to go back to the old ways of having to hide
our love all day.  But we still didn't dare to show our love publicly. 
Actually, it was me that didn't dare.  Annie didn't care that much, but
then again, my parents weren't her parents.  But apart from that it was
great.  School was closer to home and we could actually begin to see some
of our classmates after school.  It meant that we saw less of each other
during the afternoon and evening, but that didn't matter too much.  We
still had each other at bedtime.

   Troubles began when we were at our first school party.  It was very
different from the few school parties in elementary school.  We could buy
beer, there was a band playing and the teachers participated, instead of
acting as moral policemen if a boy and a girl were dancing too close. 
Here, people danced as close as they wanted to.  Compared to what we were
used to, this was either Sodom and Gomorra or heaven, depending on which
way you looked at it.  To us it was heaven.

   Annie loved parties and dancing and she danced a lot, particularly with
one boy from her class.  I danced a little, but I didn't really want to.  I
wanted to dance with Annie.  Seeing her dance close together with Anton
made me jealous.

   I was angry and sad when we walked home.  Annie was beaming, talking
about how wonderful the party had been.  It took a long time before she
noticed my silence.

   'What's the matter?  Didn't you have a good time?' she asked.

   'Anton did, I'm sure,' I answered, gloomy.

   'Come on.  We just danced.  I am allowed to enjoy myself, am I not?'
Annie replied, slightly offended.

   'Sure, go ahead and enjoy yourself.'

   'You don't own me and since you won't dance with me, I have to dance
with somebody else.'

   'Go ahead then.  What do I care!'

   I cared, a lot.  But I was so jealous and angry.  I felt that Annie had
let me down.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I knew she was
right, but that didn't make it easier.

   'Come on.  I didn't mean it like that,' Annie said, trying to make up.

   But I was too jealous.

   'I think we should take a break and start seeing other people, if that's
what you want.'

   'I don't, I just want to have a little fun.'

   'Sure.  Then I can sit and wait for you, while you have your fun.'

   I knew it was a mean thing to say.  I wished I hadn't.

   'OK, if that's the way you want it,' Annie answered, angrily.

   That night the door between our rooms was locked for the first time.



   The next day we both felt bad about what had happened and we made up. 
But we also agreed that it would be good for both of us to see other
people. Deep down inside, I didn't want to see anybody but Annie apparently
had a need to try something different.

   I accepted it.  I accepted that she saw more and more of Anton.  I
accepted it because I didn't' want to lose her.  Our life continued.  Not
much changed.  Gradually, I learned to live with the idea of Anton.  I
still had Annie in the evening and that was better than nothing.

   At the next party, Annie was with Anton all evening.  I spent most of
the evening with the boys from my class, listening to the music and
drinking beer.  It wasn't too bad.  A girl from my class, Camilla, came and
asked me to dance a couple of times, but I really didn't feel like dancing
at all.  Well, I guess I did, but I wanted to dance with Annie.  I was
still jealous.

   About a week later, something happened that suddenly made Anton and
parties unimportant, at least for a while.  Dad came unexpectedly home from
work at 3 in the afternoon, looking very worried.

   'Annie, I've just got a call from your mom.  You father is ill.  He
collapsed yesterday at work and was taken to a hospital.  They have
transferred him to another hospital, in Hong Kong.  They are still
examining him to determine what is wrong.'

   Dad took a deep breath.

   'I've book a ticket for you.  I think you should pack and then I'll
drive you to the airport.  The plane for Frankfurt leaves in two hours,' he
added, quietly.

   Annie still hadn't forgiven her mother, but uncle Paul called her on a
regular basis.  In the beginning, she refused to talk to him, but after a
few months, she gave in.  I think she missed him.

   'Is it . . .  serious?' Annie asked, fighting to hold back the tears.

   'I don't know, Annie.  You mother didn't know.  I tried to call the
hospital, but they couldn't say anything either.  I think you should go. 
It might be nothing, but if you stay here and it turns out to be serious,
you will regret it.'

   'I'll go pack,' Annie said and rushed out of the room.

   'I'll help you,' I said, running after her.

   I caught up with Annie in her room and hugged her while she cried. 
After a couple of minutes, she had calmed down and was able to speak again.

   'He . . .  he better be well when I get there,' Annie said, smiling
weakly.  'If not, I'll kill him.'

   'He'll probably be picking you up in the airport, when you arrive,' I
said, trying to sound optimistic.

   'I hope so,' Annie replied, quietly.

   We packed a suitcase for Annie.  She didn't know how long she was going
to stay and just to make sure she had enough clothes, she packed what
looked like the entire content of her wardrobe.  When we had finished, she
couldn't lift the suitcase and we had to go through it all one more time
and take a few expendable things out.  It was still heavy, but at least she
could handle it.

   The packing gave Annie a little break and a chance to gather her
thoughts.  She wasn't happy, when we drove off to the airport with dad, but
she wasn't completely devastated either.  We helped her check in and said
goodbye.  I hugged her.  We were both on the brink of tears, but managed to
hold them back.

   It was a long trip, almost 20 hours, including the change of planes in
Frankfurt and the stop in Singapore.  It felt equally long for me, waiting
to hear from her.  She had promised to call as soon after she had landed as
possible.  While I waited, I began thinking about the trip.  I would have
been terrified, if it had been me.  I mean, changing planes in Frankfurt,
all alone.  I had heard dad tell her what to do with the luggage.  How to
get it in Frankfurt and check it in again for the plane to Hong Kong.  Just
the thought of all the things that could go wrong scared me, but Annie
could handle everything.  Nothing seemed to bother her.

   Finally, almost 24 hours later, Annie called.  Mom talked to her first
and then I got the chance.  It was a short conversation, but uncle Paul
wasn't terminally ill.  It was a bleeding stomach ulcer.  He had been
operated on and was, everything considered, in great condition.

   Annie only stayed 3 days, but with the time spent travelling, she was
gone almost 5 days.  I was out the second time she called, so I didn't get
a chance to talk to her again, before she returned.  She arrived back in
the morning, after I had gone to school.  I had tried to convince dad that
it would be a good idea, if I went with him to the airport to picked up
Annie, but he said Annie would be tired and that I just wanted an excuse
for skipping school that day.

   He was right about Annie being tired.  She had gone straight to bed and
was still sleeping, when I came home from school.  Mom woke her up for
dinner, but even then she was very tired and very quiet.  We all wanted to
know how the trip had been, how uncle Paul was doing, in short: everything.
Annie answered with little detail, but I assumed it was because she was so
tired after the long trip.  Still, I feared that her visit hadn't been all
that pleasant.

   She stayed up until ten, when we both went to bed.  I had expected that
she would be too tired to make love, but I was wrong.  Annie didn't shower,
because she had showered just before we ate dinner.  When I came out from
my shower, she had arranged our duvets on the floor and was lying on them,
waiting for me.  I was surprised, pleasantly surprised.  I had missed her
immensely.  Not just making love to her.  I mean, we couldn't make love,
when she had her period, but it was the physical closeness.  Even when she
had her period, we would cuddle and caress each other and that was what I
had missed the most.  I guess that's the difference between loving and
making love to somebody.

   We didn't talk at all.  With a growing intensity, we caressed each
other. Annie was more passionate than usual, almost craving my caresses. 
She pressed my head against her pussy and my hands against her breasts. 
When the time came for me to penetrate her, she pushed me over and
straddled me, sliding down over my stomach.  She left a wet trail, a little
like a snail.  I thought I could feel her clitoris against my skin, but it
was probably my imagination.  She was very aroused.  Reaching behind
herself, she guided me into her cave.  In one long motion, I filled her
completely.

   Even though Annie moved very slowly, it was so intense.  She ground
herself against me, sitting upright.  I kneaded her breasts and she rotated
her hips faster and faster until she reached her climax and began bouncing
up and down.  I was already on the verge of exploding.  I pulled her down
to me.  I wanted her close to me, wanted to hug her so tight.  At a
maddening pace, I trusted into her until I couldn't hold it back any
longer. It was really intense.

   Afterwards, we lay in silence for a long time.  It was then, Annie began
to talk about her trip.

   'Mom was supposed to pick me up at the airport, but she wasn't there.  I
had to find my way to the hotel myself.  Your father had arranged for me to
stay at the same hotel.  When I got there, I tried to phone her room, but
she wasn't there.  I was worried sick that dad's situation had turn worse
and I rushed to the hospital.'

   She sounded as if it was hard for her to tell me this, so I didn't
interrupt her, just listened.

   'Dad was OK and it looked like he was happy to see me.  Mom wasn't at
the hospital either.  It was so awkward, because I didn't dare ask him
where mom was and he didn't dare say, but we both knew she was out
drinking. I don't know why, we just knew it.  I mean, I told dad I had
rushed from the airport to the hotel and then to the hospital and he didn't
ask if I had seen mom.'

   Annie shifted, laying her head on my chest.

   'Dad . . .  we talked about him and me and he kept telling me how good
it was that I was living here.  I mean, he was happy to see me and all, but
sometimes it sounded as if it was better I hadn't visited him.  Anyway, I
met mom back at the hotel.  I tried her room again, but she wasn't there. I
was going out to take a look at the city and get something to eat and for
some reason, I went into the hotel bar.  There was mom.'

   Annie took a deep breath.

   'She looked so . . .  old.  She looked like someone who had scrubbed
floors for 40 years.  She looked worn out.  Her eyes had no life at all. 
She was so thin.' Annie sounded weak and distressed.  'She was drunk and
began whining about how happy she was to see me.  It didn't take long
though.  Then she went on about how terrible it was that I was living here
and how much she missed me and that she had to drink to stand it.  The next
second she claimed she was sober and had just had a single drink, before
she was going to see dad at the hospital.  I . . .  I didn't say anything.
I mean, I knew we would start fighting if I did.  Mom didn't care.  She
just babbled about herself.  She was so . . .  God, she was a sorry sight.
She wasn't my mom.  She was . . .  she was some drunk woman in a hotel bar.
She didn't even look like my mother used to.  I don't think she noticed it,
when I left.'

   Annie sniffled, but she didn't really cry.

   'I . . .  didn't visit the hotel bar again and I didn't see her again. I
couldn't . . .  stand the thought of her, looking like she did.' Annie
paused and added, bitterly: 'She was much too busy feeling sorry for
herself, anyway.'

   Annie needed a break.  I hugged her and we lay in silence for a minute
or two.

   'I told dad about it the next day.  He didn't say much.  It was like he
didn't want to talk about it.  He more or less suggested that I go back
right away.  I didn't want to.  I wanted to see him and talk to him.  So I
stayed.  I visited him a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of
hours in the afternoon.  In the evening, I just walked around.  They have
some great markets there.  It was good walking around and looking at all
the stuff they were selling.  I didn't get back to the hotel until
midnight.'

   'You walked around all alone in the middle of the night?' I asked,
probably sounding terrified.

   'It's not dangerous at all.  I think it is the safest place to be in the
world.  I don't' know why, it's just safe.  Nothing happens.  And it's
really funny.  There's so much to look at.  The restaurants have all kinds
of live fish and shellfish and all sort of things in buckets and containers
out in front.  You can choose what you want to eat and then they prepare it
for you.'

   Annie suddenly sounded much happier.

   'And the markets are so interesting.  You can buy anything: watches,
designer clothing, electronics, everything and it's really cheap.' Annie
got up.  'Hang on a sec.  I got something for you.'

   When she got up, her pussy began to leak and she had to go to the toilet
first to clean up a bit.  Then she went to her room and shuffled around in
her still unpacked suitcase.  She came back with a little box.

   'Here.  This is for you,' she said and handed me the box.

   I opened it and it was a watch.  A Rolex.  Here, it would cost a
fortune.

   'God Annie, thanks.  I . . .  How could you afford that?' I asked,
flabbergasted.

   'Don't get too excited.  It's a copy.  Everything they sell in these
markets is a copy.  They're really good at it.  It's almost impossible to
tell.  I looked in some of the real shops and it looks exactly like the
real thing.' Annie said, giggling excited at my reaction.

   'Thanks Annie.  It's really great.' I said and gave her a kiss.

   We cuddled up really close again.  It was so wonderful to have her back
again.  I'd forgotten all about Anton.  It was just us, but only until the
next day, when we were back in school.  Then we were back to normal.

   ----

   I hadn't really noticed Camilla before.  She was the quiet kind in
school and in between classes, she was always with two of the other girls
in class.  But all of a sudden, she seemed to be wherever I was, all the
time.  We began to talk a little, at first out of politeness . . .  until I
realised that it wasn't sheer coincidence that she always happened to be
there.

   She was a pretty girl and as time passed, I began to find her more and
more attractive.  She wasn't Annie, but maybe Annie did have a point about
seeing others.

   At the next party, I danced with her.  I forgot to look for Annie and
Anton all the time.  It was good.  A lot better than it had been for a long
time.  We danced close and kissed.  Camilla was only the second girl I had
ever kissed.  It wasn't like kissing Annie, but I couldn't say that it was
better or worse, just different.  Her fragrance was different and she felt
different.

   I hardly noticed when I saw Anton out of the corner of my eye, walking
towards the door, hand in hand with a girl.  I remember that I wondered who
it was.  It wasn't Annie.

   I didn't see Annie before we were going to leave.  I had kissed Camilla
goodbye and there was Annie, alone.  I suddenly remembered seeing Anton
leaving.  Annie didn't look happy at all.  We began to walk home in
silence. It was November and a cold wind sweet through the streets.

   'So, what happened,' I finally said.

   'What do you care?  You were all entangled in Camilla all evening,'
Annie replied.

   'Sorry.  You know I care.'

   'Anton . . .  He got tired of waiting,' she said.

   'What do you mean, waiting?' I asked, puzzled.

   'He wanted to have sex with me and I . . .  didn't.  And then you and
that . . .  Camilla are suddenly all over each other.  I thought you loved
me,' Annie sobbed.

   I put my arms around her but she pushed me away.

   'But we didn't . . .' I started but Annie cut me off.

   'You would have, wouldn't you.  Your hands were all over her.'

   I hadn't realised that Annie had watched us so closely.

   'Annie, we just . . .'

   'You just kissed and groped all evening.'

   I didn't understand it.  I didn't understand what I had done wrong.  I
mean, she and Anton had danced and kissed.  I thought they had been
together sexually too, but I was obviously wrong.  Still, I hadn't done
anything with Camilla either.

   Annie was very upset and unhappy and I assumed it was over Anton leaving
her more than me kissing Camilla.  We walked the rest of the way home and
went to bed in silence.

   Saturday morning, Annie slept late.  I was going over to one of my
classmates to do some homework and mom was going to work for a few hours.
Dad was out playing golf with some customer and wouldn't be home until late
afternoon, but mom and I agreed to be home around noon.

   I got home at half past twelve.  I didn't pay any attention to the
ambulance as I came down our street.  It wasn't until I got into the house
that I felt that something was wrong.  The silence.

   I found the note from mom on the console in the hall.

   'Taking Annie to the hospital.  Mom'

   I can't remember if I closed the door behind me, but I think I did.  The
first taxi stopped and picked me up.  I would have gotten to the hospital
whether he had stopped or not, because I stepped out in front of him.  I
think the driver could feel the urgency.  We speeded towards the hospital
and got there in no time at all, even though it felt like we were driving
in heavy traffic on a dead end street all the time.

   She hadn't been registered when I arrived, but the receptionist sent me
to the emergency room.  I found mom in the waiting room.  Her eyes were red
from crying and she looked very shaken.

   'What's happened?  Where's Annie?  Is she okay?' I asked, frightened.

   I can't really recall the conversation we had.  It's all kind of blurred
in my mind.

   'She's . . .  She cut her wrists.'

   'How?'

   'She . . .  tried to commit suicide,' mom whispered.

   It hit me like a ton of bricks.

   'What?  She . . .' I gasped, unable to believe I had heard her right.

   'She drank some vodka and cut her wrists.'

   'Is she . . .?' I almost couldn't say the words.  It couldn't be true.
It just couldn't.

   'She was conscious when we got here.  I don't know how much blood . . .'
mom wept and had to take a deep breath.  'She . . .  said that nobody loved
her anyway.  Oh God, I was never good at being a mother.  I should have
spent more time with the two of you.  I'm . . .'

   'You're okay mom.  It's not your fault.  Anton . . .  broke up with her
last night,' I said, trying to comfort her.

   'I should have been there for her to talk instead of going to work.  I
could feel she was unhappy this morning.  I should have talked to her . .
.'

   'I . . .  I think I'm to blame too,' I said, not really wanting to.

   Mom looked up at me, puzzled.  For a few seconds, she looked
questionably at me.  Then it came to her.

   'Oh my god.  Annie's miscarriage.  You . . .  but Anton?'

   'He was just . . .  I mean, even though we are just cousins and it is
okay to, you know . . .  I didn't want to . . .  I didn't dare . . .  to
show . . .' I think I began to cry too.

   It took a little while before I was able to speak again.

   'She is going to be okay?' I asked, anxiously.

   'She is.  She has to be.'

   A very tired looking doctor came out of a room and headed towards us. 
It felt as if my heart stopped.  He looked so tired and sad.

   'Annie Hansen's mother?' he asked.

   'Is she okay?' we both asked.

   'She's fine.  She's a little drunk still, but she's fine.  She didn't
cut deep enough to do any damage.  I don't think she meant to kill herself.
It was more like a cry for help.  Young people often do that.  She'll be
fine.' The doctor took a deep breath.  'She claims she wants to go home. 
Unless you want to commit her to psychiatric care, we can't keep her.  We
gave her something to calm her down and, if you decide to take her home
with you, I would recommend that she see a psychiatrist.'

   'We will take care of her.  Can we see her?' mom suddenly sounded so
strong and determined.

   'She's in there,' the doctor pointed to the door he had just come out
of.

   We rushed into the room.  Annie looked pale and drowsy.  I don't know if
it was the medication or the vodka.  She looked up at us, seeing our
tear-filled eyes.  Later I realised that it was the first time Annie had
seen me cry.

   'I'm sorry,' she whispered and began to cry too.

   I was the fastest.  I leaned over her and hugged her.  We cried together
for a long time, just holding each other.  Even if I had known what to say,
I wouldn't have been able to speak.  I was so shocked that she had tried to
take her own life and so relieved that she was all right.

   When I let go of her, mom, who was standing next to me, leaned over and
hugged Annie.  It took a while before any of us was ready to speak.  The
word "why" was never said out loud, but Annie began to explain.

   'I . . .  felt lonely.  Nobody cared any more,' she sobbed.

   'But we do care.  We all care,' mom interrupted.

   'When you . . .  when I had the miscarriage, you were . . .  so
indifferent.  You just said that I should go on the pill.  You never asked
. . .  about anything. . .  I needed to talk but . . .'

   'I'm so sorry . . .  I just . . .  I mean, I felt so sorry for you, with
your mother and all you have been through.  I didn't want to make you feel
uncomfortable . . .  I just wanted to make it easy for you.  I thought you
would ask if . . .' mom's eyes flooded again.  'I'm a sorry excuse for a
mother.'

   'It just felt so . . .  like you didn't care . . .'

   'I guess I've become too good at hiding my feelings,' mom said and tried
to smile.  'But I really do care.'

   Dad suddenly came through the door.

   'Thank God you're ok!!' He burst out.

   There was a lot of talk, a lot of tears and regrets.  In the end, we all
went home.  Annie was tired and drugged and she was put to bed.  I sat next
to her bed all afternoon.  She woke a few times, but she was too tired to
really wake up.  She just looked and me and smiled weakly, before she fell
asleep again.  I ate my supper in the room and moved my mattress into
Annie's room to sleep next to her.  I didn't want her to wake up alone.

   It gave me time to think.  Everything that happened in the hospital was
so confusing and I hadn't had time to think.  I still can't remember much
about what really happened, from when I saw mom's note until we were back
from the hospital.  But sitting there next to Annie's bed gave me time to
think about everything.

   I suddenly realised that she couldn't handle everything.  She had looked
so fragile, lying in the hospital bed.  I knew I had to be there to help
her now.  I didn't know how, but I felt as if I was growing.  I had to be
strong.  I had to, because Annie needed me.  I woke several times during
the night.  I woke with a fear that Annie was dead and, each time, I had to
touch her to make sure she was really alive.

   I wanted to tell Annie how much I loved her.  I did, the few times she
woke up and I promised myself to tell her every day from now on.  I don't
know why it had been so hard to say before.  Maybe it hadn't been; maybe I
just hadn't thought about how much it meant to Annie.  I mean, we all love
her and I guess we all thought she knew that.  I would hold hands with her
in school, I would kiss her.  I would show everybody that I loved her.  She
was never again going to doubt that she was loved, ever.

   I knew it was going to take some time to get her back on her feet again.
I tried not to think about it that way.  Sitting there next to her, I
imagine that she would wake up and be her old self, like she had always
been, but deep down inside I knew she couldn't just go back to the old
ways. Too much had happened.  We would have to start over again, not from
the beginning, but some things would have to be rebuilt.

   However, that was tomorrow.  As the night fell, I was so content just
sitting next to her, just being there, in case she woke up and needed me.
Everything else could wait until morning.  It was going to be better.  I
wouldn't have it any other way!

   To be continued . . .