Love Letters H. Jekyll * * * * * No story codes. This story contains a scene of fairly explicit, heterosexual coitus and some discussion, via email, of sex and love and relationships. It previously appeared at "Ruthie's Club" (http://www.ruthiesclub.com/),which I recommend to readers, and was edited by Ruthie. Copyright 2002 by H. Jekyll. Permission is freely granted to post on any site that does not charge for entrance, as long as full attribution is given to the author. The story should not be read by anyone under the legal age to read sexually explicit stories, or by anyone in a location where it is illegal to read such stories. I appreciate comments and inquiries, even criticisms, and I absolutely promise to respond to them. Please send them to: h_jekyll2000@yahoo.com The H. Jekyll stories are archived in the Alt Sex Stories Text Repository (/files/Authors/h_jekyll/), and at "Ruthie's Club" * * * * * A few weeks after their separation, Jeff received an email from Kate. It was her first direct communication since she had kicked him out. -*-*-*-*-*- Jeff: You can come by to pick up some things. Anything of yours you don't take I'm going to throw away. I don't want to see you. How could you do it? I did everything I could as a wife for you! I was faithful and loving and always helpful. Everything revolved around you and your needs. Well, your "needs" obviously were more important than our marriage to you. You are a complete bastard! Kate -*-*-*-*-*- Kate had come home from work early, not feeling well, but really dispirited because everything was going so badly with Jeff, and when she'd seen a second car in their driveway she'd wondered what was happening. There was a strange voice, a woman's, when she opened the door, and she'd crept back to the bedroom. Already she was suspicious. At the first voice she knew. Everything fell into place. Everything. Everything came out of her chest and stomach, where she was instantly empty and weak, and where she felt a strange tingling. She crept along the hall, trying to control her breathing, not wanting to look, trying not to make crying sounds, knowing this was it. Jeff was lying naked, on his back on the bed, right in the middle. Some naked woman Kate didn't know was straddling him, obviously impaled on his erection. He was holding her hips and sliding them back and forth on his groin, and her hands were flat on his chest, right over his nipples. Her breasts were swaying fast with her body motions, almost whipping back and forth, Kate thought, when she thought about it later. Jeff was panting but not making noises. It was the woman Kate had heard. She was still doing it, making high pitched, breathy grunts, showing how close she was getting by the pitch and the loudness. It was obscene. She was almost there, doing Kate's husband in Kate's bed, her vagina stuffed with Kate's husband's penis, her head tilted back and the one eye Kate could see almost closed. Jeff's pants changed so Kate knew he was close too, and that he was going to have his pleasure with that stranger in her bed. It was then that Kate had screamed. "No! No! Stop it, stop it stop it!" Jeff's return email came within ten minutes. -*-*-*-*-*- Kate: Maybe I am a complete bastard, but it was hardly my needs that ran the marriage. I'm sorry I ended it that way, by fucking in our house. I should have been more manly and walked out long ago. BTW: I have everything I want. I don't want anything that reminds me of all the time I wasted on you. Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- Kate was outraged. She thought it had been a nice gesture to tell him he could come get his things. He certainly didn't deserve them. Bastard! Bastard, bastard, bastard! -*-*-*-*-*- You Son of a Bitch! When did I ever do anything for myself? You always came first! You're too selfish to even realize that! Well, I'm sure you'll enjoy your new life, with your bimbos. Kate -*-*-*-*-*- It was six hours later. Kate was writing an email to her mother, telling her about Jeff's latest stunt, when his next letter arrived. -*-*-*-*-*- Kate: >When did I ever do anything for myself? ==>How about making it impossible for me to ever do anything for you? Hating every present? Always showing me how little you thought of me? Hah! Being caught with another woman was hardly worse than putting up with how you acted when I tracked in some mud last winter! You were always waiting to catch me doing something wrong. Anything! I could never please you. You'd play the ice maiden. Well it's over. I don't have to think about that any more. >Well, I'm sure you'll enjoy your new life, with your bimbos. ==> Not a bimbo. A nice woman who happens to enjoy sex with me, after I went a long, long time without that. *My* needs?!? Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- Fifteen minutes later: -*-*-*-*-*- Jeff: > ==>How about making it impossible to ever do anything for you? Hating every present? You never even tried! You always went out at the last minute just to get something! Anything! It was too much effort for you to plan or try something really special. > A nice woman who happens to enjoy sex with me, after I went a long, long time without that. When was the last time you even touched me? -*-*-*-*-*- Kate went to bed as unhappy as she could remember being. It was as bad as the first days after she'd caught them. She kept remembering the sight of him, so happy with that other woman. She thought of how they had once been happy themselves, how they'd spend hours in bed, touching and kissing and talking. She couldn't get out of her mind how nice he felt when she ran a hand over him, the texture of his muscles and bones. How long ago had that been? What had caused the rift? Had she really pushed him away? She hadn't meant to. It was hours before she finally fell asleep. Before breakfast she turned her computer on and found a new email waiting for her. -*-*-*-*-*- >It was too much effort for you to plan or try something really special. ==> Touché. I'm not saying I'm anything close to perfect. If I were I wouldn't have taken up with another woman. I'd have left long ago. I've got flaws. You're right that I let things go by, that I could have tried harder on the presents. I'm sorry about that. I really am. But it doesn't change the fact that you submarined what I bought you, again and again, made long lists of what you didn't want, and showed your obvious displeasure with the things I tried to surprise you with. It was all part of your way of being controlling. Make me feel inadequate. Make be beholden to you. That was always your game, and it got worse with the years. >When was the last time you touched me? ==> And when was the last time I *wanted* to? I used to touch you all the time. I used to like touching you, and I think you liked it too. But when did you ever initiate sex? In all our years? Ever? Once or twice? Don't you lecture me about not touching! -*-*-*-*-*- She was perplexed with the first paragraph, angry with the second. Then she read the third. Then the whole thing again. Then again. Once more. The complexity of how it had happened hit her for the first time. "Oh, Jeff," she whispered. "Why did it come to this? Oh God." She began crying, and when she couldn't make herself stop she called in sick at the office. Then she moped around the house most of the day. At lunchtime she finally felt she could answer his letter, but she couldn't get through it. -*-*-*-*-*- Jeff: I'm sorry about making it hard to get me presents. I know it's true. But you could have done more. That's all I meant. You never made me feel special, by doing anything really out of the ordinary. I know it wasn't all your fault. About the sex and touching. Well, I didn't begin lovemaking much. I know. But I did touch you. I always liked touching you. Don't you remember how I'd give you baby powder massages? (and you'd usually turn that into sex, anyway!) Or how I'd snuggle up against you before I went to sleep? And maybe I didn't begin sex very often, but did I ever make you think I didn't enjoy sex with you? At the end I got so lonely, because you shut me out. Damn it! I told myself I wasn't going to let you make me cry any more. Go away! -*-*-*-*-*- Jeff was writing a letter when hers arrived. He read it and replied right away. Hurry, man! Damn! Damn! -*-*-*-*-*- Wait, Kate. Don't log off. Please. I don't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. Getting caught was stupidity. Oh shit. Look, we hadn't been intimate in any way for so long. When the "other woman" came into my life, I thought it was a way I could keep the basic marriage going, at least as a shell or something, and not be so frustrated and unhappy all the time. I didn't "try" to break us up. I thought at some time it might get better. But no I didn't have any plan to make it better. Before you say it, no I didn't think very far. I know I hurt you badly. I'm sorry, I wish I'd acted better. Maybe it's for the best. I don't think you much cared for me anyway. Not by the end. This way you can find someone else. -*-*-*-*-*- Kate didn't respond. Jeff waited for almost an hour before logging off. The next two days he checked his email every hour or so. Finally he decided the conversation really was over, and that it really was for the best. He hadn't wanted to hurt her though. No, that wasn't true. He'd wanted to hurt her at first, but at the end he wished he could have comforted her. He had dinner with Mary Ann, and spent the night at her apartment. She seemed awfully fond of his penis. The next morning he stopped by his apartment to change clothes, and found an email dated the previous evening. -*-*-*-*-*- How can you say I didn't care for you? That's not fair!!! If you had touched me, if you had asked, I would have said yes. When did I ever say no? You knew I liked it with you. You always said you liked how I responded. And there were the things I didn't want to do at first that I did for you, because I loved you. Like taking your p---- in my mouth. Don't you remember at all? Do you just blank out all our sweet times? Kate -*-*-*-*-*- He stared at it for several minutes. At work he thought about it. At lunch he read it again, then answered. -*-*-*-*-*- I always liked it when you used your mouth on me. You never just did it, though. I had to ask. I had to ask at everything. Like it was some favor you were doing me. It was always that way, and when I was so angry with you I wasn't going to ask. But you ask if I remember. Yeah, I remember a lot. The last time we were really good in bed together. I remember baby powdering you all over. I massaged you everywhere. I did your whole body, not just your breasts or vagina. I went around and around your ass. You told me afterward that you got chills during it. I remember. Do you? You thought it was so erotic when I powdered your underarms. I masturbated you and finger-fucked you until you came. I remember. It was wonderful. But it was like always--I had to do it. I liked doing it. Don't get me wrong. But it never would have happened if it were up to you. You never would have started it. It was like I had to get you to grudgingly have sex. Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- Before he went to bed that night he took one last look at his email. There was a new one from Kate. -*-*-*-*-*- Dear Jeff: You're right. I'm sorry. About that you were right. I already admitted it. I didn't initiate our sex. There's a reason. It's something I never told you. I've never told anyone. I'm so sorry Jeff. I'm sitting here feeling sad. I've been trying not to cry all evening, because I know I should have been a better wife about that. Maybe I should have told you before, or tried to do something about it. I know I should have. It's too late now, but I have to tell you. The fact is I'm not one of those women who want sex. I don't mean I don't like it. I always liked sex with you. But I didn't "want" it until you'd get me "started." I loved snuggling you and touching, but I wouldn't feel sexy doing it. It was nice, and when you'd start touching me I would like it because it was you and I loved you. Only after we would play a little would I get turned on, though. Sometimes not even then, but usually. Almost always. You could almost always make me want to do things. You had to know that power you had over me. I remember that last good time, BELIEVE IT OR NOT! You were awfully graphic in your email, but yes, I did get chills when you powdered my underarms. And when you moved your fingers around my anus, (you know my ass is awfully sensitive) and when you powdered me between my legs. Yes, it made me hot. You didn't mention my nipples. Is your memory slipping? :( It was like you did everything in the world that works on me. It wasn't just that you touched me places, but that you spent so much time being intimate with the places. Does that make sense? It's what would always make me feel sexy. I'm sorry Jeff. I just never (almost never) got sexy until you played with me like that awhile. I think there's something wrong with me. I thought I was lucky that you were so patient. I should have told you. But when you did anything like that I'd get so I wanted to do anything you wanted, even things that in my "normal" state I thought were kind of gross. It just isn't fair to imply I just lay there or something. Do you remember how that last time ended? How could you forget? I turned around and gave you a complete b--- j--. Don't you remember? And I liked it. I guess it was after that that things really started to go downhill. So...I don't know. It seems we're just talking about the sex, and not the other things. About the presents. And how you thought I was controlling (why didn't you just tell me go to hell? I didn't know it hurt you so. You never showed that you were hurt! I though that you just didn't care what I felt, and I would get angrier and angrier). I'm sorry. Kate -*-*-*-*-*- Kate's computer chirped "There's a letter for you" at 10:43 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Dear Kate, >I though that you just didn't care what I felt, and I would get angrier and angrier ==> So I would hate it that you were cold toward me, and you would hate it that I wouldn't respond. I didn't respond because I didn't want you to know how much you hurt me. So I was stupid again. You don't have to tell me. I know. That's the kind of thing we could have worked out. Shit. >But when you did anything like that I'd get so I wanted to do anything you wanted, even things that in my "normal" state I thought were kind of gross. ==> Anything? If I'd known that, there are other things we'd have done. After I got you sexed up. You know this is the first time we've really "talked" in a long time. I wish we'd done it earlier. I miss you. Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- She responded at 10:56, and was going to log off, but she thought she'd see if he responded, and what he would say. She had written: -*-*-*-*-*- Dear Jeff: >You know this is the first time we've really "talked" in a long time. I guess I wish we'd done it earlier. I miss you. Don't go there Jeff. Kate -*-*-*-*-*- 11:07 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Dear Kate >Don't go there Jeff. ==> But it's true. I know it's too late. I'm just telling you the truth. We spent a lot of time not telling each other things, it seems. Please don't tell me not to be truthful now. I think we've written most about the sex because for a long time it was so good and it helped us over bad times. Even if I did have to start it, you really were very responsive. :-) I'm remembering it more now. And I do remember how you worked to please me. And that I really didn't have to ask you all the time. And I remember that you sucked me off completely that last good time, and that it was fantastic. I was unfair in my letter. I'm sorry. Love Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- 11:27 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Dear Jeff: >Please don't tell me not to be truthful now No, I won't tell you not to be truthful. Anyway, about oral sex. To be honest--At first It just seemed "fair" to, you know, "do" you, since you would do me, and you know I liked it a lot! : 0 !!! But I did get to like doing it. I could tell how much you were enjoying it, and that would make me happy. And I liked your taste and the feel of your penis (I can't believe I'm writing this!). I know I only gave you a few complete b--- j--s, because I had to be very aroused to get myself to do it all the way. I would have done more, though, because I enjoyed making you excited, but usually about the time I could get myself to finish you, you'd take matters into your own hands and go to straight sex. I'm really not a prude. I just need the time and lots of foreplay. Kate -*-*-*-*-*- 11:34 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Dear Kate: I remember eating you, and how you'd sometimes grab my hair and pull. I love the smell of your vagina. Love, Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- 11:41 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Please Jeff. Don't do this. It's too late. I wish I hadn't written what I wrote. Kate -*-*-*-*-*- 11:46 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Dear Kate: Maybe it is. But we never tried. Maybe we could try. I'd work to tell you to go to hell when you were cold to me, and I'd try to be better about presents. No -- I would be better. And we would talk more about things. And I'd play with your body as much as it took to get you in the mood. And I'm glad you wrote what you wrote. I Love You. Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- 11:51 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Jeff, no. I couldn't stand you to hurt me again. It almost killed me. You can't understand how much it hurt! I still haven't recovered. Sometimes, when I think I'm okay, I'll suddenly see you with her again, and it just tears me up inside. I do love you, but we can't do this. Kate -*-*-*-*-*- 11:56 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Kate, My Love: I wouldn't ever hurt you again. I swear it. I would never again go near another woman. Ever! I would spend my life trying to make it up to you, and showing you that you could trust me. What I would do is hold you and kiss you and fondle you severely. I didn't understand you before. I think I understand you better now. A lot of things make sense now. Love, Jeff -*-*-*-*-*- 11:58 p.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Please Jeff. No. -*-*-*-*-*- 12:02 a.m. -*-*-*-*-*- I want to hold you and touch you again. I miss you so much. And I have baby powder. -*-*-*-*-*- 12:07 a.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Please Jeff. Don't. -*-*-*-*-*- 12:12 a.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Can I at least come over to see you tomorrow, Kathryn? -*-*-*-*-*- 12:15 a.m. -*-*-*-*-*- Please Jeff. It *is* tomorrow. Can you come over right now? -*-*-*-*-*- 12:19 a.m. -*-*-*-*-*- I'm on my way!!! -*-*-*-*-*- The End?