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 Darling,

   Where do I start this letter?  It could be at a number of points, each
one no more relevant than the other.  Just let's say that the reason that I
began it here was because that was the thought that was uppermost in my
mind when I sat down to write this.

   Frustration, that's a funny word isn't it?  It can have so many
different meanings in a way.  Frustrated with yourself or maybe life, could
even be your partner but it's your feeling at that particular time and
no-one else's.  The months that have just passed have seen my emotions go
through unfamiliar territory, hopefully now that is all at an end.  Well, I
hope so anyway.

   At the start of it all, I didn't believe that it could have lasted so
long.  A month maybe and then everything would be back to normal.  If I had
known that that one month would have lasted six nearly seven, I think I
would have given up then.

   Human spirit is a strange thing isn't it?  We always look on the bright
side of things, telling ourselves that things will be better soon.  When it
was pointed out to me that it could take a while for things to improve, I
dismissed them.  You're wrong.  I know better, well guess what, they were
right.

   There have been tantrums and tears, probably all the different ways that
I have coped with your illness.  Thinking back I don't know how I did it.
The thoughts that drifted through my mind when you were lying in bed yet
again because of the tiredness you felt.  Was I selfish?  Probably.

   The times when things seemed to improve only to be knocked back the
following day.  The adage `one step forward, two steps back' used to spring
into my mind.

   The worse thought was just before Christmas, we didn't even know if
there were going to be any more.  Was it the last one after we had shared
so many together?  I think it was the day before Christmas Eve, we got the
results.  You were going to be alright.  It was going to take a while but
at least it wasn't time.

   A few days later, they did the medical procedure, we were together.  We
walked to the hospital that morning.  I still remember you being amazed
that it was dark at that time in the morning.  It was over by lunchtime and
we both came home.  The following days put you back again and it seemed
that things were going nowhere.

   But the tide has turned.  Even though we both know the challenges lie
ahead, we can deal with them together.  Our dreams are intact.

   Thank you.

   xxxxxx



   Wondering,

   Will he be ok?

   Asking,

   Are you alright?

   Sighing,

   Seeing him sleep

   Worrying,

   What is wrong?

   Knowing,

   I must stay strong.