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Some People Make Their Own Tuck -*- Copyright 2001 by Ellen Hayes.
Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this. I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.
All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights.
Some People Make Their Own Tuck
***
07:49 23 Jul
"Oh, hello!" Miz Parker said as she came into the kitchen.
"Amy got terminated," I supplied, and blocked Amy's swat. "So she
thought she'd come hang here for today, if that's okay?" If it wasn't
okay, I'd have to-
"Oh, sure! That's fine," Miz Parker smiled at us. Then she
frowned. "Terminated?"
Amy got me that time, as I tried to explain.
***
08:01 23 Jul
"NOT today," I told three boys, who began to whine and beg and
plead.
"Not today what?" I managed to pick out Amy's sonic signature
through the noise.
"'Not today' is when we're going to have some more self-defense
practice," I said loudly so she might hear me. She nodded, so I guess
she did. "Besides," I added, "it looks like rain today, and we can't do
it inside the house."
"Why not?" Ricky asked like I knew he would, and I thought about
demonstrating some of the advanced bits on his small weak body. That
would be a bad idea, though; parents usually want the first option of
killing their kids, they don't want someone else doing it if they can't.
***
08:38 23 Jul
"Wait! Shush!" I ordered, holding up my hand. Remarkably,
everyone was quiet long enough to make the sound of rain clearly
audible. "See, I told you it was going to rain."
"You said it MIGHT rain," Gary corrected, like I'd lied to him or
deliberately made it rain to cross him or something.
"And it IS raining," was my rather lame comeback.
***
09:11 23 Jul
"You never said-"
"Amy, YOU were the one that got up at six and told ME you were
coming today, remember?" Amy made that face that said 'you can't make
me admit anything' as she crossed her arms. "So shut up."
"Shaddup and deal," Davy I mean David said, and Amy just looked at
him like she couldn't believe he would actually say something like that.
I could barely believe it myself, actually. "Amy," I sighed, "don't
beat him in here, or I'll have to do the self defense thing in here, and
I'm sore and tired-"
"Beat him up! Beat him up!" chorused his siblings, and David was
so outraged that he started counter-beating the nearest one, Gary, who
dumped him on the floor.
Then Gary made the mistake of looking to me for approval, which was
a mistake because David yanked on his leg and down he went.
I looked at Amy and drawled, "I tol' ya ta shaddup an' deal, an'
look what happened when ya din't. See what ya did?" Then Stella, who
had been standing up by holding on to my hands, fell down abruptly and
began to cry. "See what ya did?" I repeated over the wailing, and
managed to block most of Amy's kick.
***
09:47 23 Jul
"Val?" Amy asked.
"Hnnh?"
"You're walking funny, are you okay?"
I hope I didn't look too surprised when she asked that. A moment's
thought came up with, "Yeah, I've just been doing a lot of self-defense
stuff," I whispered the last bit in her ear so they wouldn't hear and
remember and start bothering me again, "and I think I overdid it. I'm
pretty sore."
I was more than just sore, but the gel was still helping, and I had
it in my pack for later applications.
***
11:03 23 Jul
It was time for a later application, I finally decided, so I made
sure Amy had the kids under control before I went to the bathroom and
locked myself in.
I noticed my pager had a new message on it, though, and so I looked
at that first, which was sort of a mistake, because Travis had sent me
another '88', which made me cry into a towel for a couple of minutes
before I could pull myself together, and then I had to redo my makeup
too, as well as put some numbing gel on my butt where we'd had sex.
This was just not going to be one of my better days.
***
11:10 23 Jul
"What took you so long?" Gary asked when I finally made it back.
I sighed, and said, "Don't ask."
They did, of course, but eventually realized that I wasn't going to
discuss it, even Amy. Admittedly, I did have to remind them in a scream
that if I wanted everyone to know what I was doing I'd have left the
door open, but they took that 'hint' and shut up about it. Finally.
***
13:17 23 Jul
"Because you NEED to eat," Amy complained as I washed up the lunch
dishes. "Remember what happens when you get out of the habit?"
"Amy, that was from blood loss," I reminded her.
She retorted, "That's what you say-" but was interrupted by a bunch
of small boys wanting us to explain the 'blood loss' comment.
You can take the blood out of the boy...
***
15:17 23 Jul
It had stopped raining and now the kids wanted to swim under skies
that still looked like old concrete. Kids.
"Val?" Amy asked as she handed me Stella and got ready to change.
We were doing it one at a time, with the other one watching Stella to
make sure she didn't evaporate or get stolen by fairies. You had to be
careful.
I pinned the zipper of my swimsuit and replied, "Yeah?"
"Remind me never to have children."
"Never?"
"At least not three boys! Not at the same time!"
"Okay, Amy, I'll remind you not to have triplets," I assured her.
"And not to be a housewife," I remembered.
"When did I say that?" she demanded.
I sighed.
***
15:19 23 Jul
I dabbled a bit more gel on while Amy was actually changing,
confident that Stella would tell no tales.
I kind of wondered why Amy was being shy now, but maybe it was just
that seeing her completely naked was different than seeing her almost-
naked with panties on. Maybe.
***
16:02 23 Jul
"Because I have to go to the bathroom, jeez," I complained. "Just
watch Stella and make sure she doesn't drown or something." Stella
shrieked intensely as she either agreed that drowning was a bad idea, or
pissed herself.
"Could you make more Kool-Aid?" Ricky asked before he jumped into
the pool, which I had to admit was a good way of keeping me from saying
'No', at least where he could hear it.
***
16:06 23 Jul
"Hi, Travis, it's Val, at four o'clock," I told his answering
machine as I mixed Kool-Aid. "I, I just wanted to say," *...that my
butt hurts and we're going to have to figure something out for this sex
thing.* "... Um, just that I miss you, and last night was, um, fun,
and I'll see you Friday, right? And I want some time ALONE with you
Friday night, so we're not going to be at this party all night, right?
Okay," I assumed his answer would be 'okay', "so, um..." I started
smiling, thinking about him, and I know it sounded like I was smiling
when I finished, "Anyway, I was just thinking about you... see ya
Friday!"
I hung up and then sighed in relief because I hadn't even hinted at
how it had hurt.
***
16:10 23 Jul
"Bring another diaper!" Amy called just as I got out the door with
the pitcher and glasses, but I caught the door with my foot and heaved
it open again before it could latch.
"Man," I sighed to myself, "I knew it. Now how'm I gonna carry all
this AND a diaper?" Some days, two arms weren't enough. Doc Octopus
would have made a great babysitter. Though probably Evil Mastermind
paid better.
***
17:48 23 Jul
"Hey, um, Miz Parker?" Amy asked. "Could we do laundry again
tomorrow?"
"You want to-" Miz Parker repeated incredulously before she
remembered the usual deal. "Oh. Alright. Will you be helping?" she
asked Amy, who nodded, then yelped, when I kicked her to remind her that
perhaps she should have asked me first.
The sucky thing was, the kick hurt me almost as much as it hurt
her, and I didn't need to be reminded of anything.
***
18:25 23 Jul
We pulled in almost right behind Mike, and honked at him a lot as
we drove through the office park until we got to Doc Treble's office.
At least the rain had stopped, though it still looked nasty.
***
18:28 23 Jul
I sighed as the needle stuck in my arm. "I hate this," I reminded
Doc Treble.
"I know," she said agreeably. "But it's better than having an
anaphylactic reaction while out hiking."
I sighed again. Having had one, I couldn't argue the point. Dying
sucked. Close to dying sucked almost worse, since it didn't necessarily
stop, nor eliminate the possibility of further problems.
She finally pulled it out, then said, "How about we look at the
rest of you, while you're here?"
I sighed. It HAD been a trap.
***
18:44 23 Jul
"Any itching?" she asked.
"Nope." Nor redness nor swelling. I think everyone was relieved
that nothing had happened after the test shot.
"Great! Then we can do your immunizations today," she said, like
that was a good thing.
I sighed. "How many?"
"Five."
"Five?!" me and Mike complained, as Dan winced and Amy just went
into shock.
"Five. Japanese encephalitis, Q fever booster, typhoid booster,
and the yearly plague and anthrax," Doc Treble said cheerfully.
"You're insane," I told her.
"Your dad's insane," she countered. "This was all his idea
originally. Want to argue with him instead of me?"
I sighed again. "No." Resistance was futile. I had been
assimilated, or zygoted or something.
And vaccinated for just about everything in existence, over the
years. Dad was twisted.
"And don't complain too much, I have to give them to myself and
Jim, too," she added, as if that mattered nearly as much as what she was
going to do to ME in moments.
"Why are you doing this if it's so insane?" Dan asked, like a dolt,
and Doc Treble began explaining the concept of immunizations versus the
concept of biowar-terrorism to him, which I'd heard enough times already
to tune out. It had convinced her, at least.
If Dad were here, he would say something like 'Look on the bright
side, at least I'm not beating you', which was not really a consolation.
Of course, he would also add something like, 'And when you get to
graduate school and release plagues upon the earth, you'll be immune to
them' which did have, I had to admit, a certain appeal. It would have
had more appeal if my brother and sister had to kiss my ass to get them
too, but Dad was disgustingly egalitarian about biowarfare prophylactics
when it came to his family. I'd have to design something new... If I
lived to grad school age with all these torments like vaccinations.
"Does Amy get any?" I asked, and Amy made an ugly face at me.
"Bill said no, that her mom would freak when she saw the records,"
Doc Treble said, which was probably true. You say 'plague' to most
people and they get unreasonably upset, especially when combined with
'vaccinate against'.
***
19:02 23 Jul
"Having fun?" Amy asked me.
Mike and I agreed, "No."
"Good," Amy smiled.
"Bite me!" I told her, which is not what I gestured.
"Jeez, you're in a bad mood," she observed as she partially blocked
Mike's kick.
"Amy, I just lost, what, four vials of blood and got in exchange
five vaccinations and two dermal injection tests?" TB, or not-TB, that
is consumption...
"Two what? Ow!"
I ignored her question as well as Mike beating on my cousin. "PLUS
a full exam. And NOW we have to sit around and wait to see if my body
attempts to kill me, AGAIN. So yes, I'm in a bad mood, okay?" I
carefully failed to mention that I'd rather be with Travis instead of
her or here, and I wanted to be doing things that really didn't go well
with observers. Or needles.
Come to think of it, almost anything would be preferable to this.
***
19:09 23 Jul
"Where are we going?" Amy asked as we all trooped out to the cars.
"I wanna go home," I insisted. Something about shots, allergy
shots, anaphylactic shock, blood tests, Doc Treble, and the like, just
made me want to go home and hide in my bed.
"But we already ate there," Dan said as Mike was winding up. He
hit Dan on the shoulder, which Dan retaliated for, and then they were
off. Just like the boys.
Amy added, "And we saved you a plate if you want one. We had beets
and roast chicken and peas and stuff."
Mike and Dan were whuppin' up on each other, and I finally guessed
that it was because Mike wanted to go out to eat again. Jeez. "Are you
guys done?" I asked when I'd figured this out. They stopped kicking at
each other and looked at me. "I haven't eaten yet, and I don't feel
like spending the money tonight to go out when I have food waiting at
home." Mike's sour look at me told me I'd guessed right about his
motives.
***
19:38 23 Jul
"So what is this clever idea you had?" I asked Mike as I looked at
the plate of not-quite-warm food from this evening that Mom had saved
for me, and decided to microwave it. The injections had not yet made me
sick, though I was waiting for symptoms, and so I figured I'd better eat
when I could.
"Don't you read your email any more?" he snapped.
"Well, yeah! I mean..." Crap, it HAD been a while. "No, not
recently," I admitted.
"Ahhhh," Mike groaned, and flourished the back of his hand at me to
demonstrate his desire to slap me. "I'youghta-"
"Naw, it'd be better if _I_ read it," I interrupted, and then I
chuckled at my own wit, which was kind of a lame thing to do.
***
20:02 23 Jul
There was a lot of email piled up. The highest priority thread
looked like the camping menu thread, given that Mike was still working
on nunchaku and they were here already to take us out camping-shopping.
"Oooh," I said as I got an idea, and started a reply. "You didn't
get any funny allergies to anything since last time, did you?" I asked
as I typed.
"Like what?" they all asked.
"Food, duh," I said scornfully.
"Like WHAT?" they all repeated with emphasis.
"Jeez! Food! Eggs, vegetables, cabbage, milk, cheese..." Mike
was apparently one of the few Chinese not genetically lactose
intolerant, which of course he flouted as further evidence of his
personal genetic superiority, "... nuts, wheat, preservatives, nitr-"
"I'm allergic to formaldehyde," Amy said, which attracted some
abuse from Mike. "Ow, stop it!"
I tuned them out and concentrated on food ideas.
***
20:24 23 Jul
Dad had been online and we'd gotten into a UNIX talk-discussion,
with him downstairs and us upstairs and me typing for all four of us,
and we thought we had it worked out pretty well. Mike had scoffed at
some of my ideas, but he was going to regret that, especially if I
didn't let him eat any.
That might be too cruel, though. And he might hit me. I'd hit me
if I wasn't letting me eat some of this.
***
21:01 23 Jul
"You're sure they're not closed?" I asked again as we all piled out
of my car and ran for the doors, which was towards the rain.
"Pretty sure!" he yelled over his shoulder, which failed to
reassure me.
***
21:22 23 Jul
"Tomorrow," Mike nodded to himself as I dug further into my ice
cream. It certainly wasn't going to happen tonight, unless we broke
into the place.
"Did you check the hours this time?" Dan insisted.
"They're open 'til nine!" Mike said, like we hadn't already found
out they were closed at nine and wouldn't open the doors even for cash
being shown through the windows.
"Are you SURE?" Amy said skeptically.
"OF COURSE I'm sure. Didn't you guys look?"
Amy started to groan in pain as I nodded. "Nine," I confirmed.
"You guys could go earlier if you wanted..."
"We NEED to take YOU," Mike insisted. "I had another idea."
"Oh no..."
***
21:39 23 Jul
"What now?" Dan asked after we'd locked ourselves in my car and the
rain out.
"Tuck's house," Mike said confidently. "Wanna play Gorkamorka?"
That was an idea. "Sure!"
"Do what?" asked Amy.
Luckily, Mike and Dan could explain while I concentrated on
driving. Driving in the rain was not my best skill.
***
22:08 23 Jul
"They're all girl orks," Amy commented as she began setting up on
the terrain.
"Ooookay," Mike admitted, sounding rather baffled. "Girl orks."
"With pink skin," Amy grinned, and we all protested, because it was
completely obvious that they had green skin with a dark-gray wash and a
light-green drybrush.
***
23:39 23 Jul
Travis had sent me another surreptitious '88' on my pager, I found
when I checked, so I waited until Amy went to the bathroom to call him.
I wouldn't have called him tonight, except he sent it at eleven-twenty
so I figured he might still be up-
"Hello?"
I always liked it when I guessed right. "Travis? It's me, Val?"
"Hey... I got your message," he said, smiling loud enough for me
to hear.
I just giggled like a fool for a few moments until I could get
myself under control again. "Um, so, so we're only going to stay at the
party for a while, right?"
"Right," he assured me. "Are you okay?"
'Don't ask me that you blithering idiot,' I wanted to say. "Yeah,
I'm fine," but managed to convert the groan of remembered pain into
something that sounded to me rather like a wistful sigh.
Pause.
"Glad?"
"Yeah," I lied completely. "Listen, I've only got a bit of time,
so-"
"So you'll hang up eventually?" he chuckled.
"Shut up. I'll see you Friday, though... dinner first?"
"Yeah, something nice... Dress pretty, okay?" he asked, which
thought did things to me. I must've made a noise, because Travis just
chuckled. Which also did some things to me too.
"Okay... anyway," I said a bit breathlessly, "see you Friday?"
"Yeah... take care, okay?"
"Yeah, you too, see ya!" and I managed to hang up before Amy could
come in and find out what I was doing.
This clandestine relationship stuff was a pain in the ass.
"Ow!" I moaned as I hurt myself with an involuntary muscle reaction.
"Ow what?" Amy asked as she opened the door to my room.
JUST in time.
***
06:00 24 Jul
OOOH I hated dreaming of Travis. It was so frustrating, especially
when I wouldn't see him until tomorrow. Tomorrow NIGHT.
*Speaking of which, I gotta come up with something,* because
otherwise Amy would want to come along, which would interfere with my
plans for the night, which mostly involved trying to convince Travis to
leave the party early so we could go back to his place.
I also hated my alarm, which is why I hit it.
***
06:54 24 Jul
"S'okay if I stay in the car?" Amy drawled, or drooled.
"Yeah that's fine," I said hurriedly, and dashed for Rachel's
place. We were running a bit late.
***
07:00 24 Jul
"It's looking a lot better," Rachel said, and I was glad. I was
also glad to be able to put some gel on and pull up my panties and
finish getting dressed, because while I liked Rachel a lot, I really did
not think it was a friendly thing to do, looking at my butt with a
flashlight. Maybe that was just my friends; but I didn't think so.
***
07:19 24 Jul
And I got to lug my own laundry out to the car. At least Rachel
had soaked my panties from Tuesday to get out the-
*Ya know,* I realized, *I still don't want to think about that.*
***
07:50 24 Jul
Miz Parker was feeding Stella when she came into the kitchen, as
usual, where I was figuring out what to fix for breakfast, as usual.
"Good morning, girls," she said to us.
Amy giggled, which I did not especially need. "Shut up, Amy. Good
morning, Miz Parker."
"What's for breakfast?" she asked.
I grinned at her. "What would you like?"
***
08:41 24 Jul
"I'm not that hungry today," I claimed, which was partially true.
I was also trying not to eat in order to reduce the possibility that I
might have to use my butt for what it was intended. I had a feeling it
was going to hurt if I did. "And I'm having tea 'n honey."
"It's really good," Amy commented, pointing at her plate.
"I know, I cooked it. I had ice cream and a full dinner last
night, remember?" I told her, and she sort of looked upset and put her
fork down. "What?"
"I don't want to be a pig," Amy said.
I said "?" and Miz Parker said, "Amy, you look thin, really. You
don't need to worry."
"But-"
"Besides, we'll burn it all off in a couple of weeks," I reminded
Amy.
"Oh, the camping trip Kim mentioned?" Miz Parker confirmed.
"CAMPING!" three boys shrieked, and Stella got scared and started
to cry.
***
08:45 24 Jul
Ricky had been banished to his room from the table for saying 'Shut
that stupid baby up!' and now the other two were pumping us for
information, which I refused to give them. I wasn't going to directly
argue with Miz Parker about banishing Ricky, no matter how stupid an
idea it was, but I'd suggested he take his plate with him - he'd only be
worse later if he was hungry - and there was no reason Ricky couldn't
hear it the same time as his cousins did. So the kids were gobbling as
fast as they could, and I was thinking of things to say that would
discourage them from having anything to do with 'me' and 'camping'.
***
08:56 24 Jul
Ricky had been retrieved from his room, and he still looked peeved
whenever he remembered what his mom had done, as I explained, "Dad makes
us go camping twice a year, once here and once in New York in December,
and so I have to go-"
"Can I go?" three boys shrieked as one.
"NO!" I emphasized. "I mean, it's gonna be a forty mile hike,
guys," I guessed. "With full packs." Which probably weighed as much as
they did, come to think of it, though the packs wouldn't squirm and
whine.
"Nuh uh," Ricky challenged.
"Bet me?"
"Yeah!"
"Cash money?" I asked.
Pause.
"Valerie," Miz Parker warned.
"Hey," I countered before she could start, "if it's his money, then
he's welcome to throw it away, challenging me about things he doesn't
know and I do."
"Bet me too," Amy grinned at Ricky, who finally got enough of a
clue to decline.
***
09:10 24 Jul
"Maybe!" I said. "And you gotta get your own tent."
"Mom!" "Aunt Beth!" began the whines, and I tuned them out as best
I could.
"Why not use the tent you have?" Miz Parker asked, sounding
puzzled.
"Because, they're custom made pro BACKpacking tents," by my dad the
Renaissance Man, "and small kids are especially hard on the lightweight
tents people use for backpacking. Besides, if you get a decent one, it
should last for car camping for like, years. It's a good investment."
She looked at me skeptically, while I wondered just what she was
planning to do if the power went out during the summer. *Hotel,* I
guessed. *Weasels.* WE had to move into the backyard in tents
because...
*Because we DID have tents,* I realized. *Maybe she's smarter than
I thought.*
***
09:14 24 Jul
"Noooo, not this Friday," I insisted.
"Why not?" Amy asked.
*Oh cr- BRILLIANT!* I thought as an idea came to me in a flash.
Sometimes I stunned myself.
"Because," I said much calmer than I felt, "I'd promised already
I'd help Travis get his computer running. This Friday."
"Computer work?" Amy complained.
"Well, I promised," I lied.
Amy sighed deeply. Oh, boy; she hated being around me doing
computer work as much as I remembered. Good.
"You work on computers too?" Davy asked.
"Oh, God," Amy sighed deeply again. Excellent.
***
09:18 24 Jul
"Are we gonna do some more self-defense?" Gary asked.
"No, we're doing laundry today," I smiled.
The whines and screams of agony were incredible. You'd think we
were taking them camping or something.
"And I think I'd better get to work," Miz Parker said, and you'd
think Stella had learned the word because she started howling in agony
right as Miz Parker stood up. A veritable chorus of the damned. Or
darned, at least.
"She does that every morning?" Amy asked, her hands over her ears.
***
11:41 24 Jul
"Hey, Val, you're fixing lunch, right?" Amy asked as I was dumping
another load into the dryer.
"I will if you start on the laundry," I said back as I stood up.
"Man," she complained.
"It's your chore too, remember-"
"Bite me," she offered, but I declined.
***
13:35 24 Jul
I suggested, "How about some swimming, guys?"
That was apparently acceptable, judging by the way they disappeared
screaming happily to change into their suits.
"You'd think they were looking forward to it," Amy mused. "Hey,
Val, are you still having problems?"
"Huh?" She imitated a stiff-legged walk. "Oh, uh," *Christ of
course it still hurts immensely, you twit!* "Yeah, but it's getting
better. I think I just overdid it Monday and Tuesday." Boy howdy.
She made a sympathetic face. "Well if I can rub it or anything,"
which astonished me for long enough that I missed the rest of what she
said.
I finally realized I should say something like, "Uh, yeah, okay."
***
16:09 24 Jul
I had finally gotten down to my clothes, at least partially, and I
noticed that one pair of underwear still had some rather distressing
stains on it that I'd rather not have to explain to anyone.
I was considering 'packaging' the panties deep in the trash when I
noticed a bar of what had to be Fel's Naptha, especially resting on top
of a still-packaged bar of the stuff. "That'll get it," I chortled, and
took the Fel's and the panties over to the utility sink in the basement.
***
17:31 24 Jul
"Mike's here," Amy said as she dashed out the door.
"What? Why?" I asked, but there was no one there to answer, just
some boys that had no more clue than I did.
***
17:42 24 Jul
"So you didn't just disappear on us like you have been," Mike
explained, giving me his version of the Evil Eye.
"Oh," I finally said.
"But you've got plenty of money, right?" Amy grinned.
"Not for you, squirt," I said, not being nearly stunned enough to
miss that warning.
***
17:50 24 Jul
"That's a lot of laundry," Mike observed as I finally started
pushing my door shut on it.
"You noticed!" Amy sighed. "How sweet, Val, he noticed."
***
18:21 24 Jul
Amy and I finally pulled up next to Kim's car, which had
apparently already disgorged Kim and Mike and Dan.
"So what was your other idea?" I asked.
Mike silently held up a finger and tried to look wise.
***
18:32 24 Jul
"Pads," Mike said simply, holding up a set.
"Ahhhhhh," I gasped in admiration. So simple a concept... And
yet, it should protect my knees and elbows completely from the sort of
cheese-grater effect of being smushed between rocks and a fully-loaded
pack.
***
18:40 24 Jul
"Gloves too," I insisted. "Maybe I won't take ANY damage if I fall
this time." I had in mind the fingerless skating gloves that I was
trying on.
"You may be overprotecting," Mike said.
I said something rude back, and reminded him, "It's my skin and I
quite like it exactly where it is, thankyouverymuch! The rocks can eat
someone else this year."
"Poor lil' 'tarving rocks," Mike whined in this fake animal-rights
tone. I wiggled my thumbs at him in retort, and he grinned and nodded.
***
18:44 24 Jul
Now, all I had to do was find the perfect swimsuit to implement the
other part of Mike's plan, the one involving my mutating chest region
and the miracle of spandex.
"Hey, how's black?" Amy asked me, pulling a swimsuit out.
"Perfect," I said, giving up and taking the one she'd found.
"Go try it on!" she insisted, even as I was heading that way
already.
***
18:47 24 Jul
It was, in fact, black, with wide shoulder straps and no padding,
and it did a decent job of holding me down on the one hand and not
especially screaming 'GIRLS SWIMSUIT' on the other. Even when I jumped
up and down, it was like wearing a bra.
"Get two," I said to Amy.
"Three," she countered. "Maybe four..."
"?" I started to say, when she added, "I think I can wear that one
too. Lemme try it on." I opened the door, shooed her out of the
changing booth, and re-locked the door - can't be too careful,
especially when my 'breasts' were laying on the bench - before skinning
out of it. I peeked over the top of the door, found her, and threw it at
her.
"Hey!" she complained, but I heard another door shut shortly
thereafter, so I felt safe in getting re-dressed.
***
18:49 24 Jul
"It's a little tight," Amy said, looking around herself as she
slowly rotated in front of the mirrors.
"Too tight?"
"Not for a sports bra," she commented, and I nodded.
***
18:53 24 Jul
"Howsit work?" Mike asked and we both gave him a thumbsup.
"Alriiiight!"
"How's it going to work under pants?" Kim asked. "Or are you going
to wear the pads over the pants?"
"Gear check!" Dan commented.
"Wait, I need to get some more camping clothes!" Amy complained,
and I groaned in pain.
"Like what?" Dan complained.
"Underwear?" Amy shot back at him. "Socks?" He rolled his eyes,
and she slapped at him.
***
19:02 24 Jul
Two sets of knee and elbow pads and gloves and four swimsuits was
more than I wanted to pay, but it was worth it as insurance for my skin.
And blood. Buying some special underwear and socks and shirts for Amy,
even though I was pretty darned sure I could get reimbursed by Dad, just
hurt.
Which reminded me, I had to go to the bathroom soon and reapply.
It still hurt.
***
19:22 24 Jul
"Val?" Rachel asked. "How are you doing?"
"I'm okay," I claimed. "Pretty much. Can I use your bathroom?"
She nodded, looking a little worried.
***
19:48 24 Jul
"I wanna eat first! I'm starved!" I complained.
"Why didn't you eat lunch at the house?" Amy asked peevishly.
"Because I wasn't hungry then!" I said back.
***
20:17 24 Jul
I wasn't quite agile enough and I didn't feel like bribing Brian to
do the dishes for me, so I was washing dishes when I heard some rather
heavy footsteps coming up from the basement. I looked, and not to my
surprise saw Mike emerge, almost fully loaded with pack stuff and web
gear, and sporting elbow pads. "Where's the knee-" He pointed to his
knees. Under the pants, I guessed. "Oh. How's it working?"
"Not sure yet. We need to try a test hike," he said.
I groaned. "This is all a plot!" I complained.
"Quitcher bitchin'," Brian shot back as he brought in some more
glasses from the reserve of dirties he had somewhere. "Ya wimp!"
"Wimp?"
***
20:36 24 Jul
"You're insane," Kim told me as I rolled into my pack, buckled it
on, and then staggered upright. "What do you do with all that stuff?"
To the standard load, consisting of enough stuff to set up a base camp
for a climb up the hard side of Everest, I had now added one ankle
brace on my 'trick' ankle, knee pads under fatigue pants, a new swimsuit
under a T shirt, elbow pads, and fingerless gloves. It didn't
appreciably make the load worse, which was kind of sad.
"Wanna come with us and we'll tell you?" Mike suggested.
"Great idea!" Dad commented from nowhere, startling me, at least.
***
21:00 24 Jul
We'd walked a few blocks already, and the knee pads weren't binding
on my pants, but I wasn't sure how well they'd do in real heat. Though
it was hot enough for my tastes, even now. I couldn't tell if they
seemed warmer or not. *A difference of degree,* I thought, and then
chuckled at myself.
"How's the suit, O chuckling one?" Mike asked me quietly.
"Doing okay," I said, and jumped up and down as hard as I could,
which wasn't very far at all. "It helps. Thanks."
"So ka," Mike grinned.
"So isn't this supposed to be fun?" Kim persisted. "How is this
fun?"
I stopped and stared at her. "You must've mistaken us for some
other family," I told her.
"You're having fun!" Dad called from up ahead.
I called something back, and Mom turned around and complained,
"Eugene!"
"Sorry Mom!" I claimed. I actually wasn't sorry at all; that old
bastard deserved more bad words than I knew.
***
21:31 24 Jul
Kim was sweating a lot, which was kind of sad since she wasn't
carrying anything heavier than her purse, which was pretty small
compared to the greatpacks the rest of us had. Brian was running ahead
to show off like he liked to do, and Mom and Dad were talking to
themselves, which was fine with me since it left me and Amy and Mike and
Dan and Kim in a slow trailing group where we could talk.
"And you're gonna be doing this how long?" Kim gasped.
"Week," Mike answered.
"Jesus," Kim observed.
"Naw, we're not taking him," Dan grinned, and Kim just shot him a
drop-dead look.
"He don't hike too well with them holes in his feet," Mike drawled,
and Kim turned her glare on him.
***
21:50 24 Jul
We were heading back to the house because Kim had threatened to just
drop dead on the sidewalk if we didn't, and so I was thinking of things
like a cool shower and not about things like knee pads, which was a
mistake because Mike tripped me.
I fell, of course, and cursed as I went down, of course, but I
sprawled on the pavement and screamed as the impact of a nine hundred
pound pack falling on top of my body flattened parts of me which were no
longer flat like they were supposed to be. Though I guess they were
flat now...
"Tuck!" Mike said worriedly as he rolled me over.
"You ASSHOLE!" I shrieked when I could scream coherently.
"How did the pads work?"
I told him what he could do with the pads as I tried to work out
how I could get loose from my pack-anvil and chase his ass and whup on
him. There didn't seem to be a good way, so I just moaned in pain
instead.
"The pads worked, anyway," Mike said like he was relieved.
So I hooked his leg with one ankle and pushed into his abdomen with
my other leg, and he went over mostly backwards into someone's lawn.
The noise of impact was very satisfying. As was the opportunity to call
out, "So how did the pads work that time?"
"Great!" Mike crowed as he completely forgot to be pissed that I'd
kicked him over.
"You asshole," I sighed.
***
22:06 24 Jul
"I am going to shower now," I stated. I did not state, 'And also
apply gel to a sore spot I don't want you to know about', because I
didn't want them to know about it. But that was half the reasoning on
my mind.
The other half was, of course, a cooling and rinsing shower.
***
22:24 24 Jul
No one had come up yet, to find me after my shower, so I shut my
door - which, while it would no longer keep out anyone except Mom or
Brian, would at least give me a few seconds warning - hung up the girl's
swimsuit to dry out after the good rinsing I'd given it in the shower,
and did something I should have done Tuesday.
To wit: I was a child of the Net, and the Net had the sum total of
human knowledge, so I was going to download some of it for my later
perusal.
After all, sexual perversity was one of the cornerstones of the
Internet, so someone had to have written a FAQ or HOWTO on how to have
sex between two males, right?
***
22:34 24 Jul
Right.
I'd also found some other things that I wouldn't have believed if I
hadn't looked at them. The Net was worse than I thought...
I debated printing stuff now versus saving it for later, and then
realized that I HAD seen a printer at Travis' house, so I could print it
there and perhaps share some tidbits of information with him, as long as
I didn't let him know the sources. So I encrypted everything, put the
encrypted files on some floppies, cased the floppies, and stuck the case
in my pack, along with the Black, Red, and Green disks.
You couldn't be too careful nowadays.
***
22:40 24 Jul
"What took you so long?" Kim asked me as I found them in the
basement explaining gear.
"Checking my email," I said, which was partially true. I'd also
found a page from Travis, but he'd left it about eight, so I'd call him
tomorrow. At least I hadn't cried this time.
"So," Kim turned back to everyone, "so you guys carry ALL this?"
"Plus sleeping bags, pads, and tents," Mike mentioned. "We don't
keep those packed because they break up if you keep 'em stuffed in sacks
all the time."
Kim just stared, apparently unbelieving.
"The boys, the ones I sit for, think they want to go camping now
too," I grinned, and that got a laugh.
"You oughta bring your stuff and show 'em," Mike mentioned.
"Think I will," I agreed. If I could lift it into the car tomorrow
morning. "They all wanted to see it anyway."
***
23:20 24 Jul
Mom, Dad, and Brian finally made it home, after Kim had taken Mike
and Dan home, and so I could ask Dad about taking mine and Amy's gear to
show the kids.
He gave me his version of the Eye. "You'd better-"
"I know, bring it all back, I will, I swear." I would too, if I
had to beat it out of them. OR their parents.
"Eug-"
"Dad, I know. Besides, I might need some of it, and it's not going
to do my life any good if one of the kids has it, right?" He stared at
me a little longer, then turned the Evil Eye off. "Thanks!" I said in
relief.
"And you inventory it Saturday."
"Sunday," I bargained.
"Eug-"
"Dad, trust me, I'm gonna be busy Saturday, and I can do it Sunday
just as well and get anything that went 'missing' back Monday." He
glared at my superior reasoning, then finally nodded.
***
23:23 24 Jul
"I wish I was going," Mom sighed as she unloaded, gracefully
swinging her pack down to the basement floor. Mom was apparently
stronger than I remembered. Then again, Mom had been packing with Dad
since before I was born. I'd almost say that Susan was probably
conceived in a tent except that brought up the idea of my parents having
intercourse, which was disgusting.
"Well, Mom, since it's so important to you," I smiled, "how about
you take my place and I stay home and suffer this year?"
She smiled in appreciation of my wit. "No dice, Eugene. Besides,
I think Bill and I are going to take a three-day weekend when you kids
are back in school, and go someplace."
I carefully didn't look at Brian, but I think we were thinking the
same thing: PARTY!
"And we'll have Dana or Mike's folks come by while we're gone to
make sure you kids stay out of trouble," Mom added hurriedly.
We must've been thinking too loud.
"Fine," I sighed, "If you're gonna be like that I'm going to bed."
"Good night, Eugene," Mom said, and I gave her a hug and she kissed
my cheek.
***
23:34 24 Jul
I woke up when my door opened, but it was just Amy, so I went back
to sleep without moving or saying anything.
***
23:49 24 Jul
Amy crawled into bed next to me and snuggled against me, smelling
damp and clean. I wriggled back, and went to sleep again smiling.
***
05:58 25 Jul
I woke up from a pleasant dream involving Travis and some clothes
I'd never seen before, which sucked (the waking up and 'leaving Travis'
part), but I did it just in time to beat my alarm into submission before
it detonated.
***
06:19 25 Jul
"You coming today?" I asked Amy.
"Nuh," she complained, but got up.
Darn.
***
06:26 25 Jul
"Just, gently," I directed, and she shoved not too gently at all,
trapping one of my fingers as I tried to guide it into place.
"Owowowowow-" I complained, and she pulled the stupid stick back out of
the car.
***
07:01 25 Jul
Since Amy had been so rude as to come along, I had to stuff some
extra bits into a plastic grocery bag in my pack and hope that Travis
would find us some time for me to change into the dress that was still
in the back of my car.
Damnit.
And the hat was not going to fit in my little pack anyw- "Whoa," I
accidentally said out loud as I got an idea.
***
07:04 25 Jul
"What's with the hat?"
"I had an idea," I claimed, and grinned.
"What?" she pressed, until I told her.
***
07:50 25 Jul
"What's for breakfast today?" Miz Parker asked, and I grinned at
her.
***
09:18 25 Jul
"Are we gonna do some more self-defense?" Gary asked, just like he
had the day before.
I sighed, and decided that pain was just a pain thing, and that
since I was going camping soon, I might as well get used to it again.
Besides, since I hadn't mentioned the packs and gear that was
compressing the suspension in my car, I could save that until after
lunch, thereby avoiding doing anything strenuous in the heat of the day.
I wondered why I hadn't been this smart earlier.
***
"0h, look at the cute little baby bear!" - Famous Last Words
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+ ==[-------- Ellen Hayes @>--,--'--- ellen@barkingduck.net +
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+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +
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