-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Tuck 'Em Up -*- Copyright 2000 by Ellen Hayes. Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes. This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country. All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights. Tuck 'Em Up *** 17:45 28 Jun "Valerie!" Travis said, like he was surprised. "Whatsup?" "I, I just thought about you..." Like for about two hours worth. "Um, and um, I was, um, thinking..." "You sure you're thinking?" he joked. "No." That sort of shut him up. Not that it made me feel any smarter. "Um, what I meant was, I thought maybe we could go out Monday night? I'm kind of tied up tonight and tomorrow." Mike and Amy thought dancing tonight would be cool, and I didn't really want to take Travis dancing in front of those two. Nor did I want to have Travis over for Sunday dinner, likewise. "Yeah, that'd be cool," he agreed. "Um, what time?" "Um-" "Hey Tuck?" Amy called from outside, and then tried the door code, which worked except the door wouldn't open because I'd wedged it shut. Then they started pounding on it and calling me. "How about sixish, in front of Miz Parker's house?" I said rapidly. "Uh, okay, that's-" "Great, I gotta go, 'kay? See ya!" And I hung up, disconnected the headphones and ran for the door before Mike got an axe or something. "Jeez," I complained as I opened the door, "can't a guy have any privacy?" The two of them glared at me. "What?!" Finally, Mike said, "Supper's ready." *** 18:09 28 Jun And supper was good. And Mom was smiling a lot, I guess at the thought of not having to cook for a while. I could understand that; I was finding that I could get tired of cooking really fast lately. Plus, it was good. "You like it?" Amy asked Mike. Mike grunted happily, and tried to smile while his jaw was still working, which looked kind of grotesque. But it got the point across. *** 19:38 28 Jun I hadn't anticipated Mike and Amy having an argument over what clothes I was going to wear out. I just sat back and watched, this time. *** 19:40 28 Jun "Uh, Mike?" I interjected. "I don't really want to meet any new girls, right now." They both stared at me. "Well, shit, I mean, I- the last one didn't work out so well!" I reminded them. Then it hurt. Not as bad as it used to, but it still hurt. *** 19:42 28 Jun "Um," Mike said as he stood up again. "It didn't work, did it?" I guessed as I unbent. "It's better than it was," Amy said, still sitting on the floor and holding a flashlight on the test spot on my leg. I'd had to sit on the floor and touch my toes so they could compare skin colors between affected, dyed, and 'normal' areas. "It didn't work." "Don't be such a pessimist-" "Oh please!" I complained. "You're both showing me it didn't work. How is me saying it out loud being pessimistic!?" *** 19:47 28 Jun "Oh lord," Mike sighed, peering at my chest. "You sure they hurt?" "Miiiiike," I groaned. "I'm sure!" "Oh lord," he said. "Oh God I hate my life," I said. "Could be worse," Mike said, straightening up. Before I could scream at him for his insane comment, he explained, "You could be a mundane or something." "Ahhhh don't think so," Amy drawled. Mike insisted, "Still, that would be worse-" "I almost might be willing to trade..." Mike looked me in the eye. "Think about it, Tuck. Football. Television. Spice Girls." I made a retching noise. "Stupidity. Windows. Thinking algebra is hard-" "Okay okay," I submitted. "You're right." "What's wrong with the Spice Girls?" Amy protested. *** 19:52 28 Jun "Calling Rachel," I told them. "She might want to come-" The other end of the line picked up. "Rachel?" "Yeah?" "Hi, it's Tuck, um, we were going dancing tonight and wanted to know if you wanted to come?" "Oh! Um..." There was a long pause. "Where?" *** 20:38 28 Jun "Looks good," Amy approved as I turned for her. Mike just rolled his eyes. "Um, can we go eat?" Rachel asked as she brushed her hair. *** 21:02 28 Jun "I just..." Mike sighed as he drove. "Tuck, I'm worried for you." "Why?" Mom I could understand- "'Cause, Tuck, it's fucking with your head, and it's opening up things I don't know about. I mean," he sighed. "Where is this all gonna end?" I shrugged, wishing I knew. "I just don't want you blowing apart. Like you've tried to twice this year," he mentioned. "I'm just mentioning that to remind you it's happened already." I had to admit he was right. He continued, "So... Tuck, just think about things. I don't even understand why you're doing it now," he pointed with one hand at my clothes. "But think before you take any more steps, in any direction. 'Kay?" "I will." "It's really important," he insisted. "I said I would!" "You could die if you don't." "Mike, are you listening to me?" "Are YOU listening to ME?" he shot back. "Tuck, I thin- I don't see you thinking, considering this enough. You just go with whatever's easy at the time, and I..." He thought about it. "I am afraid," he stated, "that you'll take the easy way once too many times, take someone else's suggestions, then suddenly realize something you have become something you can't stand, and die." "I will think about things harder," I promised him. "Good." Pause. I thought about tonight. It wasn't really my 'desire' to have my nipples hurt if I bounced up and down, like I would if I was dancing. Amy was right; a bra helped that. Directly. *Was that too easy a suggestion?* But I didn't want to hurt, and I did want to dance, like I did usually. That WAS what _I_ wanted. And it was my thought, that if I was gonna wear a bra, that I might as well wear the rest of it, since I was gonna have problems if caught wearing a bra in male-emulation mode. So, I'd thought, I might as well set my female-mode bit for the night, so I could dance like I wanted and let the silicon cushion the sensitive parts. It still looked like a good idea- He added, "And talk to me if you need to." "I will." Another pause. "Where's this place again?" he asked, and I fumbled for the map. *** 22:07 28 Jun Amy and I had shared a dessert, Mike had had one all to himself almost, and the rest of Rachel's friends were eating heartily. There wasn't a whole lot of difference between college kids and high schoolers, I was finding, except the college kids were more childish. That meant something. I didn't understand why Mike stood up and waved until I saw Kim and Jill walking over and waving back. *** 22:09 28 Jun "Got off work," Kim explained, "and we got something to eat on the way to catch up with you." "Yum, McDonald's," Jill said, apparently thinking McDonald's was not what she had desired. "Speaking of which," she said in a much happier voice, "Val, Amy, I got my plate last Monday, and it was fantastic." "Great!" Amy said, and I grinned. *** 23:18 28 Jun The great thing about dancing, I always thought, was that it could take off some of my excess energy, and the music, if it was loud enough, would totally blank your mind, as well as force you into the rhythm and out of whatever you were in before. I guess it wasn't like that for some people, but it was for me. Mike said that music was the key to universal understanding, as long as you remembered it wasn't all Pythagorean, but I thought that was going a bit far. It was even better when I was wearing flats, because I could do things like I was doing, like spinning upright like a dervish and double-dutching while Mike spun on the floor and tried to kick my legs out from under me in time with the fast end of the beat. *** 01:56 29 Jun I suppose I should have cared that Rachel and her friends had dragged us to a 'gay' club, but I guess I'd been getting blase about things, because I hadn't noticed for half an hour, and then I hadn't really cared. Mike had, sort of, but then his reaction was to cling to Kim, which pleased her somehow, so that worked out. She kept giggling at him, but not laughing, which was a difference. I did kind of wonder, though, whether this was an omen or something. And whether I would end up in a place like this. On the gripping hand, or back to the first one, the music was hot, and there were enough girls and normal couples wandering around and dancing that I didn't think I'd stand out very much no matter who I was with. So I didn't really care. *** 02:37 29 Jun "Tuck," Mike said gently, and I pulled back into my body and moved closer to the front seat. "You're being quiet," Amy said, turning partially around. "I'm thinking," I said, and Mike nodded approval. "That was kind of a weird club," Amy said. Mike complained, "I wish someone had told me it was full of gay guys, though." "Jeez, Mike, don't be such a loser," Amy told him. "I don't care," he lied, "I just wish someone had told me before I got in there and more of them were looking at me than Kim." I shrugged. "Just say no," I quipped. I thought it was mildly funny. "I did," Mike said flatly. "Several times." He apparently didn't think it was funny at all. Amy, meanwhile, shrugged. "I think a couple of girls were interested in me, but that didn't bug ME any." "Nuh uh!" "Who?" Mike and I asked at the same time. Amy just laughed. *** 03:18 29 Jun Ohhh, bed. And with me showered and Amy showered and relatively clean sheets... *** 10:36 29 Jun "That was a weird place last night," Jill mentioned. "Yeah," we all agreed at the same time. We'd gotten a later start than usual, but it worked out well, because most of us were awake. Mostly. Susan was still kind of wacky. And I was having trouble walking because my legs hurt. I guessed I had to go out dancing more, and get in better shape. *** 11:23 29 Jun "Oh boy," I said as Kim handed me the weekly envelope. I'd forgotten about this part. I flipped through and counted, and everything added up. "What about me?" Amy said. "Oh, right," Kim said hurriedly, and pulled another envelope out of her purse. "D- We need your social security number, to pay taxes, though." *** 12:09 29 Jun "I want to get Amy an extra reading lamp, since she moved into MY room," I emphasized, and she elbowed me. "Ow!" Susan shrugged. "Okay by me, I wanted to go clothes shopping." "Gee," Jill grinned, "too bad I have to go to work!" *** 13:17 29 Jun Jill flicked us the finger before she went to shed the clothes we'd made her try on. "What is her problem, anyway?" Susan asked us, or the world. *** 13:41 29 Jun Jill glared at me, then finally decided I was forgiven, or at least enough for a hug. "Have a good day at work," I said into her ear. "Thanks," she said, nodding, as we pulled apart. "You really did look good," Susan announced. Jill rolled her eyes. Kim predicted, "She won't listen, she never does." *** 13:54 29 Jun We had been milling around until my pager went off, with Mike's number on it. So I called him back. "Hey, Tuck, I had this idea..." "What?" *** 14:37 29 Jun Susan had gone home, Kim and Mike had caught me and Amy, and then we had headed out to a park, wherein Mike's idea was that I try tanning more evenly, with a low-SPF lotion over the already darkened parts. Topless. Which is why I was belly-down on a blanket and the others were sitting around me, as protection. "So do you guys play RPG's over the summer or what?" Kim asked, apparently to get our minds off what I was doing. *** 17:02 29 Jun "No, it doesn't hurt or anything," I admitted. "How much will it tan out?" "Well, slow and easy," Mike said, not really answering the question. I took that to mean, 'We didn't get it this time but we'll keep working on it.' "Oh, hey," I remembered, "we gotta call Rachel." Mike complained, "Why don't you ever remember this stuff when you're near a phone?" "Dain bramage," I claimed. *** 17:41 29 Jun I sniffed, and it didn't smell like Mom's usual cooking at all. As I made my way to the kitchen, I kept sniffing, trying to figure it out. I never would have guessed that Susan had made curried lamb if I hadn't seen her grinning at me as she pointed at the platter on the kitchen counter. Then she saw Mike and Kim and Rachel, and kept smiling, so I guessed she'd made lots. *** 19:26 29 Jun "Finished?" Mom asked as Brian and I came into the living room. "Can't," I said. "Dish drainer's full, dishWASHER's full," Brian elaborated, and shrugged. Susan had gone through a lot of utensils. "We'll get the rest later," I promised, as Rachel stopped talking to Susan and waved at me. I waved back. The two of them had been getting along, sort of, which was nice. *** 21:39 29 Jun "You're cuddly tonight," Amy commented. Probably because I was wrapped around her and she had an arm holding me to her. "Does it bother you?" I asked. I didn't move, because I didn't want to move unless I had to. She shook her head. "Not unless there's something wrong." I thought about that. "I don't think so, but I kind of..." I couldn't think of what I wanted to say, but she gave me an extra squeeze like she understood, and went back to her book. *** 06:46 30 Jun Far too late, I remembered that I'd suggested Travis meet me after work today. "What?" Amy asked, as I stopped and thought about how to get rid of her. *** 13:19 30 Jun After lunch and a wait, Amy had been just as eager to go swimming as the rest of them, and changing Stella made a dandy way to get rid of them, or an excuse for me to stay in the house, whichever. I dialed Travis' number, and it rang and rang. "Damnit, answer the phone!" I cursed. *** 15:09 30 Jun He STILL wasn't answering the phone. "Damnit!" I hissed. *** 17:24 30 Jun I could have, I suppose, driven off as early as I could manage, left Travis waiting there alone, and later claim I made a mistake about which day it was. But there was a slightly simpler way to do things. "Wanna go out tonight?" I asked Amy. "I thought about what you said with Travis..." "You did?" she said skeptically. Damnit. "Well, YOU said you wanted to go out with him, remember?" I shot at her. "I didn't say that!" "You DID!" I insisted. This was supposed to be the simpler way. *** 17:48 30 Jun "Oh, hi Travis!" I said, trying to sound casual. He looked at Amy, then looked at me with a question in his eyes. "Didn't I mention that Amy's been coming with me to work?" I suggested. "No," he said. *You asshole,* I thought. "So what did you want to do tonight?" Amy asked him. He looked at me, and I started to blush, and covered it by flinching a little and making my pack fall off my shoulder. As I bent down, Travis asked, "Have you guys eaten yet?" *** 18:09 30 Jun "Why don't you call the folks and tell them we're not gonna make it for supper?" I 'suggested' to Amy. She glared at me from behind, and I elbowed her. "Uhffine," she grumbled, and walked over to the pay phone in the lobby. I waited until she was out of earshot, then spoke to Travis. "I'm sorry, I really forgot she'd be with me today." He smiled, sort of. "I wondered if you'd changed your mind or something." Thud thud thud thud thud thud. "Um... no?" I said. His eyebrows went up. "You sure about that?" "Hahaha," I said. "No. But, I'm willing to work on it. If you want to?" He smiled but didn't say anything, and I guessed Amy was done. Turning around showed I was right. She was glaring at me as she walked back. "Don't look at me like that!" I protested. "What were you two talking about?" she asked. Unexpectedly, Travis said seriously, "Congratulations on your engagement." Amy and I both looked at him, and he was smiling. "My WHAT?" Amy half-shrieked at him. Travis put his eyebrows down. "Val said you were engaged, to some guy in the Unification Church?" "T-Urgh!" Amy said in frustration, but I was already ducking her swing. Her first one. *** 18:11 30 Jun "I didn't mean to hit you that hard," Amy said sorrowfully. "Well, don't hit me any more," I suggested. My eye still hurt, but since I could open it, it probably wasn't going to blacken up. "Welldon'tsaystupidthingslikethatanymore!" she snapped. "Amythatwasajokeokay? Chill!" She sighed, or growled. "Just fix your makeup, okay?" *If you hadn't hit me I wouldn't have to,* I thought but didn't say. After all, she might hit me again. *** 18:13 30 Jun Travis held my head and looked into my eyes. He said he was checking for damage, but I wasn't so sure. "Well," he finally said as he let go, "I think you'll be okay." He turned to Amy, who backed up a step, and glared. "Don't hit her any more," he said sternly. "You two are supposed to be sisters, and sisters are nice to each other." Amy and I snorted at the same time. "You don't have a sister, do you?" Amy asked. *** 18:19 30 Jun "So what do you do over the summer?" Amy asked as she stared at the menu. "Me?" Travis asked. "Duh, I know what Valerie does, I go with her every day. Of course you!" Travis grinned at her. "Don't laugh, okay?" Amy glanced at me and I shrugged, because I had no idea. "I'm working at the community rec center." We stared at him until he finally admitted, "Lifeguard." "No way," Amy stated. Travis nodded. "Nuh uh! That is so-" "Stereotypical," he inserted, and shrugged. "I know." It did, however, explain his tan. I thought he was playing beach bum or someth- *Of course, he is, he's just getting paid for it,* I told myself. "And as a cook in the snack bar," he said. "Half and half. I had to wash the grease off before I came over." "Well, okay," Amy said, like she was allowing it to be true or something. I stared at her until she kicked me. *** 18:24 30 Jun "We could go dancing afterwards," Travis suggested, just as I had picked out something to eat. "If we don't eat too much?" I added, and he nodded. Amy kicked me again. "Ow, stopthatyouidiot!" I complained as I slapped her arm. "I can't dance well if I'm full and neither can you!" "Uh," said Amy guiltily. "Maybe a salad or something," she said as she hid behind the menu. Travis smiled, just for me. And winked. Now _I_ had to hide behind a menu, or I'd do something stupid. Maybe that's why Amy was doing it. *** 19:17 30 Jun Amy nudged me, and when I looked, she crouched down in the booth and stared intently at Travis, or his dessert. So I did the same thing. It took him almost a minute to notice, but then he looked back and forth between the two of us. We managed not to laugh, and I even didn't smile. Then he started staring back at me. I endured about fifteen seconds of that before I spazzed under the glare. "No! Take HER!" I cried as I ducked into Amy's side. "ME?!" Amy squealed. *** 19:24 30 Jun "No!" I protested. "I got paid yesterday, it's fine." "Val!" Amy protested, and I blocked her elbow before she could jab me with it. I think she'd been sharpening them. *** 19:31 30 Jun Having escaped by paying - I don't know why it was such a big deal, but it seemed to me that I ought to pay for me and Amy tonight, partially because Travis had probably thought there'd only be one of us, and partially because I didn't want Amy making something out of it - we had to figure out how to go dancing. "Ever been to Underground?" I asked hopefully, and he shook his head. "Want to try it?" "Are they open Monday nights?" he asked. "Um. Shouldn't they be?" Amy sighed like I'd said something stupid. "What?!" *** 19:44 30 Jun Consultations with the waitstaff had produced a phone book, and a call had told us that Underground was not open until Thursday. Further consultation had told us that no one had a clue what was open on Monday night, of all things. I was irritated. Travis had had an idea that he wouldn't tell us, so he was on the phone, Amy was paging through the phone book trying to figure something out, and I was dreaming of going home. Or causing mayhem, somehow. "Valerie?" Travis asked me, holding his hand over the mouthpiece, "you wouldn't have any music with you, would you?" "Of course, it's in the car- why?" *** 20:17 30 Jun Dancing was a better idea. Even if it was in a park with Travis' car stereo turned up loud, while waiting for a couple of his friends to show up and do the same thing. Maybe it was kind of stupid, I dunno. But I liked it. *** 20:38 30 Jun "And this is Andy, and Dana, and Scott and Eric, and Nancy and Mary, and this is Ryan, and Steve, and Lan..." I hoped I wasn't going to have to remember everybody's name. *** 22:09 30 Jun "Val?" Amy said, yelling over the music. "We gotta go to work tomorrow... maybe we should go home and get some sleep?" "What, you're too tired and need some sleep? Oh I forgot how delicate you children are..." I said back. She slapped at me, and I kicked her leg, and then it quickly degenerated from there. *** 22:12 30 Jun I knew I'd made a mistake when I saw Amy grin as I slashed at her. She grabbed my arm and not-so-gently threw me, unfortunately right into Travis. He was far too solid, I decided as we pulled ourselves back together and Amy shrieked apologies over the music. When we got up, Travis beckoned to her. She shook her head. He did it again. Amy looked at me. I glanced at Travis without moving my head, and thought about it, and then nodded once at Amy. She shrugged and nodded at him. They moved towards each other, and stopped, waiting for the other one to move first. Which is when I threw myself into the bend of Travis' knees from behind, and Amy jumped on top of him. I got kicked a couple of times in the head, but I finally squirmed around enough to scissor his legs together, while Amy sat on his chest. I had to laugh, so I did, but I didn't let go. He thrashed for quite a while before he gave up. Then Scott picked Amy up by the waist and hoisted her off Travis, and I couldn't just let THAT happen, so I unwound and went after him. Unfortunately, Travis then went after ME. Which is why I dove between Scott's legs. *** 22:17 30 Jun Travis or someone had turned the stereo down, I guess because it was hard to rest with the music pumping you to greater and faster things. I was just sitting, well, sprawling, and enjoying the fact that I was having absolutely no trouble breathing at all, except there wasn't enough oxygen in the air, or there was too much carbon dioxide. But, no obstructions in the pipes. "You two are insane," Scott panted. "She's a bad influence on me," I pointed at Amy. "Don't you start again," she warned. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "You think you can do something about it?" I grinned at her. Before she could say anything, Scott grabbed her and Travis grabbed me. "Would you two stop it before someone gets hurt?" Travis demanded. Amy and I sighed, and relaxed. "YOU'RE no fun," Amy said to Travis. *** 22:19 30 Jun "It's a New York thing, I guess," Amy finally said, about us beating up on each other as a form of social interaction, which confused everyone else into silence. Before someone could come up with a new topic, something started buzzing, and people started fondling their belts and digging through their purses. I got pointed at mine, and it was indeed my pager that was going off. I checked the number, and it was Mike's number, '811', and my voice drop box. "Uh oh." I looked around. "Does anyone have a cellphone I could use?" Someone handed me one, and I turned it on after a moment's study and dialed. Finally the stupid machine picked up, so I punched in the eight digit security code, waited for the verifier code, fed the second one back, and demanded the latest message. "Twenty two seventeen, Monday June twenty-ninth," said the synthetic voice, and then Mike said, "Tuck, car broke down, can't restart it, I'm at Kim's work." *Where the fuck is Kim's work?* I had time to think before Mike laughed on the recording and gave me the address. "You asshole," I said. "And don't call me names," said the recording. Mike knew far too much about how my mind was wired. *** 22:20 30 Jun "Sorry, but we really have to go help him," I said apologetically. He shook his head, but grinned at me. "So who is this Mike guy? A boyfriend you haven't told me about?" He apparently wasn't expecting both me and Amy to screech with horror at the idea, because he looked surprised when we did and I slapped his arm for even thinking such things. "He's my BROTHER!" I shrieked. "Don't hit him!" Amy said to me, meaning, 'Try to hit me some more.' "Later," I told her. "Travis?" Instead of saying, 'Sure' or 'Good luck' or something like that, he said, "Why don't I come with you? Maybe I could help out." I looked at Amy, who has a 'who woulda guessed?' look on her face. "Sure!" she said. *** 22:43 30 Jun I was glad that Travis had followed us the entire way, because from the way Mike and Kim were staring at the car as I pulled in, it wasn't working yet. *** 22:44 30 Jun "Starter's out," Mike sighed. "How do you know?" Amy challenged. Mike turned to the car, got in, and turned the key. The car made a horrible noise which sounded a lot like trying to start an already- running car. "That's how." I pulled my hands off my ears and suggested, "Don't do that any more please?" It came out shaky, but it was really a horrible noise. *** 22:46 30 Jun Having assured ourselves that no one had the knowledge to repair a starter while in the parking lot - I declaimed that if it wasn't an electrical problem that I was out of my field - Mike and Kim were discussing tow trucks and money when Travis interrupted with a, "Hey, I've got a tow chain in the Suburban." "But you don't have the Suburban tonight, you have your Blazer," I reminded him. "?" Travis said, staring at me. Then he said, "What?" I was confused. "Isn't that a Blazer?" I pointed. Now everyone was looking at me, and all their faces said, 'Are you that far out of it, or was that a lame joke?' "Sorry!" I lied loudly. *** 22:59 30 Jun As Mike's car was securely hooked to Travis' monster at one end, Mike pointed at me. "C'mere, I need to talk to you-" "No," I said. "," Mike started to say, and then he just started running at me, so I turned around and beat feet elsewhere. I didn't know what he wanted, but I had a feeling I wouldn't want to talk about it. *** 23:00 30 Jun My watch beeped about the time Mike grabbed me. I thought about fighting him, but it was on concrete, which is not kind to skin, and we both liked ours covering our flesh. "What?" I complained instead as we slowed to a relatively mutual, graceful and non-catastrophic stop. "Val," he said in a low voice, "we gotta figure out what to do, because I think the car needs to either go to your place or mine, and you're dressed wrong for either one." "Oh." I looked back and saw Travis staring at us like he wasn't sure what was going on. And Kim and Amy. "Um, let's go back and think about it." *** 23:01 30 Jun "Maybe we could go eat?" Kim said hopefully. "After we drop off the car or something?" Mike and I grinned at each other. *Again?* I was thinking. I'd been out to eat more times than I had actually eaten in the last two days. But that would solve the problem of Travis. "That makes things simple," Mike said. "You ladies run off and save us a table, and me and Igor here-" "Hey," Travis protested mildly. "-will go drop the car off at my place," Mike ignored the interruption. "Denny's?" I suggested. "Nah, boring," Kim said. "Igor?" Travis tried again. "How about that cafe where we go for Sunday breakfast?" Amy suggested. We were still ignoring Travis' comment. Deliberately, on my part; I had to concentrate on not smiling. "Oh great!" Kim enthused. "Where is this place?" Mike wanted to know. "What is this 'Igor' business?" Travis attempted. "Shh, be quiet Igor," I said and patted him on the arm as Kim explained to Mike where it was. But not what it was. I had to discreetly bite my lip. *** 23:17 30 Jun "Igor! It's the generic technical assistant. Like 'nurse' would be for a medical person," I explained. I patted Amy's shoulder as she came back from the bathroom. "She makes a pretty good Igor, but not as good as Mike." "You're strange," Kim stated. I smiled, and Amy cackled like a movie Igor, and hunched over and started swaying. No one really paid any attention, which kind of showed what kind of place it was. "I think it runs in the family," I told Kim. "Susan's not like that," Kim reminded me. Amy stood up and said, "Sort of, but I think she got some of it stuck in her brain anyway." "Virulent memes," I said, and then I had to explain THAT. *** 23:31 30 Jun "Darling!" Kim called out loudly in a romance-movie voice as she stood up, which startled me. "You've come back to me! At last!" I turned around in time to catch Mike running behind Travis and holding him as a shield. Travis looked confused. "Stop messing around!" she yelled harshly, and pointed downwards at the chairs. "Right this INSTANT!" "Yes'm!" Mike called, and he hustled over. Travis followed, looking confused. "And you call me weird?" I asked Kim. "Shut up, Val," she said casually. *** 23:36 30 Jun "Stop mooning over him!" Kim said. "I am not!" I said at the same time Amy did. Pause while Amy elbowed me with her arm spikes and I kicked her. Travis grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Amy, suggesting that I stop, which Amy didn't, so I kicked her one last time. "Stop it," Travis commanded both of us. He sounded serious, so I stopped, and I guess he impressed Amy the same way because she stopped too. "Moon over me instead," Mike suggested, and Amy and I complained, as did Kim. Travis said, "Do I have t-" "No!" Mike said very firmly. *** 23:48 30 Jun "You're gonna get fat eating those," Kim said after I ordered a brownie a la mode. "No I'm-" "So JUST for your sake, I'll eat half," she continued, and smiled. "Nuh UH!" I disputed. "I'll eat the other half," Amy and Mike offered at the same time. "MINE!" I shrieked. "Get your own!" *** 23:55 30 Jun "Oh God, this is like that club last night, isn't it?" Mike complaine