Can't, Won't by Spline Duck US Copyright Registered 1999 There's a corner at the back where the bar turns to meet the wall where you're out of sight of most of the bar. The payphone's back there, but nothing else. I'd been drinking with this guy, and now I had tugged him back there. I'd managed to get my hand inside his shirt. He was feeling my boobs. I was excited enough that I was breathing heavy. After a long, flaming kiss, I knew I had him. Leaning back far enough to scan the room, I checked that we were ready. Mitzi was in the booth sipping her drink, watching from the corner of her eye. The bartender knew what was going down, so he was trying to act like he wasn't watching, but I winked when he glanced up; he turned the lights down just a bit more. Leaning back in, I licked his ear and nuzzled down his neck to his shoulder. He smelled so nice. His grip around me tightened; he was ready. Time for act two. It's an old bar in a slightly weathered building. Inside, it's a beauty; we're lucky to have such a work of art in this little town. The huge mirror behind the bottles is still perfect after almost 100 years. The bar is rosewood, smooth, heavy, tall, sensuous. The stools are smooth, and they're still perfect. The first time I came in here, it almost took my breath away. It was just so unexpected in this dumpy little town. I've picked up any number of strangers here, but this is the kind of fishing I've enjoyed the most. As my hand slides down the front of his leg, my finger brushes the ridge at the center. Reaching up with my lips, I kiss him slightly and start to whisper to him. "Feels like you're a hard man to please, but I'd like to try." His grip tightens. "I know you want to go home with me, but there's a problem. I need to tell you." He stiffened and withdrew a little. God, men are so predictable; he was right on line. He said, "What d'ya mean? I thought you were hot for me. What kind of problem?" I pulled him back and slipped my hand down the back of his pants. "Nothing that we can't deal with. I __do__ intend to take you home. God, I like your body. I'm so glad you came in here tonight." I gave him a squeeze on the rump, tickled the top of the crease of his rear, and ground my hips against him. I was high, just handling him. "Mmm. There's just this one little thing. I have this little quirk. That's all." He relaxed a little, kissed me again (even more tongue this time), and said, "Well, that sounds like it might get even more interesting." "Yes, oh yes!" I whispered as I slithered up his body and hissed into his ear. "I think it'll be interesting." My panties were already wet; I really did want this one. I moved around to his lips, ready to kiss him as I said dropped the bomb. "There's just this one little thing. You have to fuck my roommate." And I clamped my lips onto his as he boggled slightly. The hook was set; time to land him. He pulled back a bit more this time. Carefully, I put my hand on the end of the bar, just outside the little alcove, just looking like I was steadying myself. "Hey! I ain't queer. You're what I want. What's this roommate crap?" But he didn't leave. As I took my hand from the bar to feel him up a bit, I gave a thumbs-up to Mitzi; we had him. "Keep cool! My roommate's all female. She's over there in the booth behind us; she's the hefty one. I'll be there too, but she's the one you get to fuck. And I promise you; you're going to enjoy this." <---===***===---> I've always been wild, and in a small town like this, everyone knows. First, I was a tomboy. I slept with half the boys in my high school. Hell, I even laid some of the geeks. I felt so powerful that I could match any of the guys. I felt like my mind and my body were on fire. By my early 20's, I was working at a nothing job here in town, and any guy in town felt like he could hit on me; too many of them were succeeding. The fire finally began to feel like it was burning me. I met Mitzi one night in the bar. She commuted to some high- tech company in the city, but she liked the atmosphere and the lower cost of living out here. She was looking for a roommate. It looked like a good way to save a little money, so we moved in together. She's easy to get along with, but she didn't go out much. She's so big that many men are turned off. On the other hand, Mitzi's usually turned on. She's horny most of the time; can't help her not to be getting dates. But she's easy to get along with, and we clicked as roommates. The biggest problem was her feeling so left out when I'd bring guys home, and she always came home alone. Sometimes, we'd talk about it in the mornings, but usually it just made her feel even sadder to think about it. Anyway, a couple of years ago, when Mitzi and I had been living together for about three months, my feelings began to change a lot. Sure, it was exciting to be bringing men home for the night, but it started to feel like there wasn't enough space for me in my life. Men and my emotions seemed to be starting to rule me, somehow squeeze me. I wanted to feel stronger, more my own person. Mitzi and I talked about it, but we didn't come up with any ideas that seemed to fit me. And the conversations often ended with her saying, "I wish I had *your* problem. You've got too many guys, and I get none. Why don't you share more?" And then she'd wink at me or nudge me with her elbow. One morning we were talking at breakfast. Mitzi always liked to hear about the guys I brought home. I said, "That redhead last night was terrific." Mitzi put her hand on my wrist and look hard at me. "There wasn't any redhead last night!" "Sure there was. He was about six foot one, carroty red hair, maybe a southern accent, maybe Texas." Softly, she said, "No. Not last night." "Maybe the redhead was the night before last." She gripped my wrist a little tighter. "That redhead was two nights ago. Last night was that guy with the curly hair. The night before was that little guy that had been a jockey. The redhead was the night before that." "Mitzi, I feel like I'm losing my grip. I've never misplaced guys before. This is just too much. I don't know what to do. I've always just gone out and gotten the guys I wanted. Lately, it feels kind of like they're in control. It doesn't feel as good as it used to. And now to screw up who, when, I feel like I should give up guys for Lent or a lot more." She giggled, looked at me, and said, "Right. I'll believe it when you put a lock on it!" "No," I said. "I think I need to do this. You don't know how weird it feels not to know which guy's goo was in me last night. I read a review of a book about what they called the new modesty. It didn't all make sense to me, but I really feel like I've got to do something to take back my life." "Somehow, celibacy doesn't seem like your bag," she said. <---===***===---> But that's how it started. First a few nights; we'd go to the bar or watch some TV or just go for a walk. A week, a month, and by then I was beginning to feel control returning. Peace that recently eluded me wrapped each evening. At first, it was strange, but it always felt good. After three months, I felt secure in having made a good choice, not a permanent one, but a good one for now. One evening, after about six months, Mitzi and I were walking in the park. The dandelions were just in full bloom; people consider them weeds, but when they're first blooming in the spring, they make me feel joyful with their abundance and bright color. The tulips were just finishing, shattering, opening in their final loose-kneed splendor before surrendering their soft petals. I was so happy, I was almost high. Mitzi turned to me. "You know, it's not fair. It's not fair at all." Confused, I replied, "Mitzi, what's not fair? I mean life really isn't ever fair." "It's not fair that I can't get a guy at all. And there you are! You can pick any one or every one, and you won't." "Gee. I don't mean to make you jealous." I didn't know what else to say. "I know, but it's just not fair. I just wish I could get one tenth of the guys that you could. I'd screw them all, I'm so horny; and I can't get any. And you could have them all, and you don't even want them. I even miss the thrill of your bringing them home, even when I didn't get them. It made my bed a bit hotter in the evenings, I'll tell you." "Just because I'm celibate right now, doesn't mean that I'm not interested. Just because I'm celibate doesn't mean I don't still have needs." I held up my hand and wiggled my fingers at her. She smiled a little and wiggled her fingers back at me. We walked along for a bit, our feet crunching in the gravel, both of us enjoying the end of a warm spring sunshine. I looked down at my feet a lot. How was I going to help my friend? She started again: "Hey! Maybe you could bring guys home in the evening. You could turn out the lights, and then we'd switch places. I'd screw them silly, and then we'd send them on their way, none the wiser." I looked her in the eye. She was serious in a way. I was sure she'd try it if I tumbled. I looked back at her and then down at her body; even she admitted that her size was a major problem with getting the guys. "Yeah," she said. It wouldn't work. They'd grab hold and right away know it wasn't you. What a dumb idea! What a dumb jerk." I hooked her arm and led her to a bench. She started crying softly. Behind us, a pair of magpies half-followed, hoping for a few insects that we might stir up. I said, "Look, it's not a dumb idea, and you most certainly are no jerk." I held her big hand in mine, rubbing it gently. "We've been friends for quite a while now. Maybe I can help you. Maybe we don't have to trick them quite that way. Maybe we can trick them another way, and you might still get what you want." The sun had gone down, and it was getting cooler. I shuddered slightly from the cold. Mitzi felt it. "I don't know what you're suggesting, but I think we should talk about it on the way home. It's getting cold fast." And so it started. Sadness, control, friendship, horniness, and a little compassion all rolled up together. In deepening gloom, with dandelions looking like tiny ghosts, I explained my solution as we walked along, arm in arm. "So here it is. You can't get it, and I won't go for it. Can't- Won't! Each of us has part of what the other needs. You're celibate, but not by choice. I can get guys, but I need to keep away from them right now. But maybe, maybe we can split the difference here. They can have me for the evening, but you're the one they get." "What are you talking about? How does that help? You bring them home and say 'Here's my roommate. I'm going to bed. See ya.' I don't think that would work!" I thought she'd start to cry again. "Well, I don't think anything that simple would work, and besides, I want to get something out of this too. But I do think we can do it together. I don't want to spend my evening just listening to you bunny your way through your evening." <---===***===---> We ate a quick supper and walked the two blocks to the bar. Hell, nothing in this town is more than two blocks from the main street. The bar is one door off Main, tucked back just a little from the other storefronts. After the chill outside, the warmth inside was relaxing. There were a couple of regulars at the bar. The Thomas's were in their usual booth; apparently, they hadn't been here long because they weren't bickering yet. Maybe they'd have a good night and go home friendly. I sat at the bar, near the front; Mitzi went to a booth near the back where she could watch me. The bartender came over to me. I expected that he'd be a bit curious. "Hi, Kate. You and Mitzi have a spat?" "Nah. I'm just kind of looking for a boyfriend for the evening." "What happened? Fall off the wagon?" "Not yet. But Mitzi and I thought we'd write some Country-and- Western songs. Watch and learn. I'll have my usual starter." He looked carefully at me, pulled a glass from the stack next to the mirror, and started on my drink, saying, "That's a weird thing to say. You OK?" "Never better. How about you?" He laughed. "Never better. I've been doing this for twenty years. I still like coming to work every day. But you: you I don't always understand. For years this was your fish pond. Then you went on the wagon. Every man's night dreams to stony hard. Now you're back at your favorite fishing spot, but you say you're still on the wagon. And your friend isn't sitting with you, either." " Watch and learn, Willy, watch and learn. Don't worry, I won't bust the place up. It's too nice a museum, with that beautiful old mirror and this beautiful old bar. You going to give me that drink?" And then, who should walk through the door, but the redhead that started my dry spell. Well, maybe since he caused one life change, he could cause another. He saw me, did a little double-take, and came over to sit on the next stool. I smiled and said, "Hello." He smiled back and said, "Hello. You're still here. I didn't expect to see you again" "Well, I had to be somewhere, didn't I? You someone I know?" I looked past his shoulder to Mitzi. She nodded her head vigorously. I saw the bartender look toward the motion and then back at me. He knew something was up. He looked back at Mitzi who was giving me a thumbs-up. Copyright 1999, Registered at the U.S. Copyright Office. No part of this document may be reproduced in any way without permission of the author I want to thank my writing support group (Janey) for writing suggestions and for excellent proofing.