Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. This is a work of fiction. All characters and events are imaginary. Any similarity with real life events is purely coincidental. Some of these stories contain erotic and often very violent and immoral content. To continue reading, you should be 18 years or older, and over the age of majority in your country. You should also understand the difference between fiction and reality. If any of these conditions do not apply, leave now. --------------------------------------------------------------- Author: Doppelganger Main website: /~doppelganger/ Title: Psychology Keywords: (MF, humil, tragic) Optional Keywords: (viol) --------------------------------------------------------------- A man finds a forgotten suitcase in a train. He opens it, and it seems to belong to a psychologist, as it contains files and notes about patients. Among the files, he finds one about a young woman in her early twenties, who is currently under counselling. The file describes how despite being intelligent, she has strong self-esteem problems. She is insecure, she doubts herself and her actions too often, she has problems making friends and she overthinks social situations, regretting too often things she did and said. She is also very insecure about her own body. According to the notes, the psychologist is trying to help her, but the progress is slow. (**) From the notes it can be inferred that she is has a slim and rather small frame, and she has a strong complex involving her small breasts and her modest curves, which makes her feel a second- or third-tier woman. She is too afraid of trying to be with a man, as she thinks he could reject her. She often thinks and overthinks several issues related to that, like which kinds of clothes she should wear to "minimize" her problem. She usually dresses in a regular but rather plain way, because she is too afraid that if she tries to dress sexy or grab too much attention, she may expose her "defects" too much and look ridiculouss. And she is very afraid of what other people, specially "that man that might be right one" might think, like for instance that not only she is not really hot, but she thinks she is, because she behaves as if she were. And she is afraid that such kind little drop, added to her other defects, might be decisive to scare the right guy away. So traditionally, she has thought the best strategy when she runs into a guy that she finds interesting, may be being very nice with him but not being very sexual, trying not to put the focus on what she considers her weakest points, so virtues like being nice and having good conversation may have more chances of compensating. (**) She also thinks whether she should wear padded bras, but she doesn't dare to do that because even though it might benefit her in the short term, she knows that sooner or later the guy would know the truth, and then the dissappointment would be much worse, much more ashaming and humilliating than, at least, having been honest from the beginning. She has also toyed with the idea of breast implants, but she thinks these would always be fake and not real; she would still be and be seen like a naturally flat chested girl with two permanent bra bads under her breasts instead of on top. She prefers to put all her hope on a guy that despite everything, somehow, would like her enough the way she already is. Although her approach so far has been the one described above of avoiding ridiculousness by not catching attention (though at the same time trying to be honest and avoiding deception), she has recently read "websites and postboards for guys", where she has found a couple of comments from men that argued in male-to-male boasting conversation mode, that they "only give a chance to a flattie or a fattie if they compensate being more slutty than the hotter ones". This has troubled her and opened a new front of doubts. Even though she is rationally aware that this is sexist and almost teenage-talk, it has touched her soft spot and she is afraid that all men think that deep inside, even the best ones (she doesn't even blame them, she sees it as a part of nature that simply cannot be changed). Lately she is having an internal struggle about whether she has not found anyone because she been doing it wrong by being too modest when, perhaps, this is something only really attractive women can afford. So now she is in an internal crisis, debating herself between the two extremes, and which one is the lesser evil. The psychologist is trying to help her, attempting to convince her that her looks are not important, that she has many other virtues, and that in any case she looks perfectly fine (the psychologist's name indicates she is a woman, so this happens in a way that does not involve a man's opinion in any case). She also tries to help her with her other social insecurities, and she tells her she should make more friends. However, so far the psychologist admits in her notes that the progress has been small and very slow. The girl has always looked a bit insecure, but before she began treatment 6 months ago she had not talked explicitly about her insecurities with anyone else, specially the ones around her physical appearance, because talking openly about it would feel like admitting her problem and would feel more humilliating. She had to make an effort to talk about it with the psychologist. The psychologist notes how, even though she is so insecure in the personal area, and that makes her an introvert in many areas of her personal life, she can also be very friendly and outgoing, have a lot of conversation and also exhibit a lively demeanor in certain situations that usually revolve less around her personal life. From the things she is told, the psychologist notes how for example the girl is very approachable and friendly at her work in the mall, in situations where a customer asks for help finding or choosing something. She is always open to help beyond the requirements of her job, being very friendly and nice to customers and colleagues. The psychologist notes how she once spent half an hour to find something a customer was looking for, even though she had technically finished her shift and she could just leave. Other information in the girl's file is that she is from lower-middle-class background but relatively well-read and self-educated. Her mother died of cancer when she was 8, and she has a estrangled relation with her father, who is a conservative man that allegedly had preference for her younger brother, 3 years younger than her. When she talks about her father, she often complains that he judged and critisized everything she did, and the psychologist notes she has some degree of trauma with that, that has probably contributed to her insecurities. She was bullied at school in a fairly typical way, mostly for being too nerdy, too shy, and looking too plain. She left home at 18 with almost nothing, moving to another city, and began having odd jobs like the one at Walmart, until a bank accepted granting her a loan to study humanities at the university. She studies part-time while she still works as a tag girl in a Walmart-style mall to make a living and pay the installments. She is usually short of money and actually the psychologist is currently one of her biggest expenses, and she had to cut off others to be able to afford the counselling. In the long term, she knows what she studying is not the best choice in term of work opportunities, but she did it because it is her passion and what she really likes. Between work and studies she has little spare time, but she likes reading, writing (a novel that she hopes one day will be published) and seeing movies (mostly romantic). She has won a couple of local literary prizes, for which she is proud, though she is aware they are not big stuff. She is sharing an apartment with a couple other girls, with whom she has an OK relationship, though they are not friends. Sometimes she complains that she ends up doing most of the chores, even having cleaned after their parties, but she is not able to stand up and complain clearly, because she fears it might sour the relationship with her flatmates, and she cannot afford moving. Besides that, she has a female friend that she sees every couple of weeks. They met more often before, but now she has a boyfriend and she is more busy. Her full name, address, social security number/ID and her telephone number are included in a front card attached to the notes, together with an ID picture (where despite the problems described, she seems to be smiling a bit, as id she were having a good day, or perhaps trying to look nice). [**] There is a range of possibilities for her looks. Her chest may be from medium-small to almost non-existent. Her hips may be from narrow, normal or a bit wide, etc. Each option would imply different nuances regarding her physical insecurities. Besides, there is also the option that her breasts are relatively average and she is not slim but her frame is on the curvy side (a BMI around 24), in which case she could have a complex around being too fat and unable to lose weight. A weekly saturday-night-depressed-and-alone-at-home ice cream binge while she sees a romantic movie, and a hobby for baking from time to time but not having enough friends to give the products away, would cancel out the effects of her strong efforts for eating only salad and chicken the rest of the time, as well as the 3-day-a-week visit to the gym. In the latter case, some elements in the paragraphs marked with (**) would change, but the rest would be the same. All options are equally valid, but one had to be chosen to write the main text.