Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Story contains: Cheat, Wife, Masturbation, Voyeur, Exhibitionism, gang-sex.



   DAMNED IF YOU DO



   If I hadn't forgotten that damned folder of papers I would have never
known.  At times I wish I had never known, but in the end what did it
matter?  The disruption in all the lives that my one unexpected arrival
caused could be one for the record books too.

   The path I chose to follow after my discovery may have been the wrong
one, but that path revealed more than just that one forgotten folder could
ever have been worth.

   We lived in a decent enough neighborhood.  A large city has few enough
of these as it is.  My wife, Drew, worked for an advertising agency and I
worked at a local utility.  No, I'm not some up and coming hot shot manager
type.  I actually just fix and maintain the equipment in the plant.

   Yep.  I had come to work here only a few months before, having left
another plant for... well, reasons I won't discuss here.  Those reasons
don't apply to my story.  What I will say is that I left that job on very
good terms (luckily) and now, looking at the way things have gone, I may
have to try to get back on there, if I can.

   It all started with my boss.  He had been given a `directive' to start a
training program.  He came to me and another guy in the department and
asked us if we'd help him out.  My boss, while a great guy, was not, nor
ever had been, a mechanic.  He had worked his way up from the operations
side of things and one day found himself in charge of the maintenance
department - like it or not.

   My co-worker and I talked it over between us for a few days and finally
decided to help him out.  Had I known just how much work on the computer it
was going to take I'd probably not have volunteered to be a part of this
effort.

   Not only were we writing a training program, we ended up having to come
up with the testing and information necessary for a full fledged
apprenticeship type training plan.  Not what we had bargained for.  Anyway,
it boiled down to my having to work at home a couple of hours a night for a
few months gathering the necessary information.

   Then my car broke down.  Always something happening it seems.  I ended
up having to use the wife's car that day, and figured on using it the next
day as well, so I'd put my work clothes and the folder in the back seat.

   That evening the garage called me and told me they'd have my car at home
before I left for work the next morning.  So without thinking about it when
they delivered it, I jumped in and headed to work... forgetting the work
clothes and the folder in Drew's car.

   I arrived at work and after checking in I remembered what I'd done.  I
had to have that folder for certain, so I told my boss what had happened
and then I headed right for my wife's place of work.  I got there and found
out that she'd called in sick.

   That surprised me.  Drew was hardly ever sick and she hadn't said a word
to me about not feeling well.  Matter of fact, we'd had some pretty good
sex the night before.  That good sex was one of the reasons I'd forgotten
all about the clothes and folder.  I drove home, expecting to see her car
parked out front, but when I got there... no car.  I called her cell phone
and it went to voice mail.  I tried again a few minutes later and Drew
answered.

   "Hey Drew, what's happening?  I'm home looking for my folder in your
car. Where are you?"

   "Oh Matt, I'm so sick.  I'm at the doctor's office right now."

   "Oh honey, I'm sorry.  What doctor are you at?  I forgot that folder in
your car last night..."

   "Oh, I took that and your gym bag of work clothes out and they're in the
living room on the coffee table."

   "Do you want me to come over to the doctor's and drive you home honey?"

   "No.  I think I'll be all right.  I mean, I can drive okay.  It's
just... well I have a slight fever and I'm achy all over.  Probably just
the twenty-four hour flu, but with that walking pneumonia going around I
thought I'd better see the doctor just in case."

   I was worried, Drew sounded like she needed me to be there for her.  I
knew the inflections in her voice and she sounded like she just didn't feel
good at all, but she didn't want me missing time from my new job either.

   I hung up after saying `love you' and `get betters', and then went
inside to get the folder.  I was thirsty so I walked straight through to
the kitchen which is at the back of the house, and grabbed a soda.

   This is where all those lives and my whole world started to change right
before my eyes.  Over the fence by my neighbors swimming pool there were
three people.  The woman was naked, lying on a lounger as the two men were
stripping off their clothes.

   I didn't charge right out there to ask them what the hell they were
doing because I knew them.  One man was a next door neighbor to the North,
and the woman was the next door neighbor that owned the swimming pool.  The
third man was a sometimes golfing partner of mine, and we played every
other weekend at a local club.  He lived on the other side of the street.

   The way the fence between our homes was, I could see into her yard
clearly.  There was even a gate there that we used often when sharing
barbeques or having parties.

   As I watched, the men finished getting their clothes off and moved in
close to the woman.  She laid back and spread her legs, teasing them.

   "So, what are you guy's getting all naked for anyway?  Oh, I see, you
think that by my being here naked that I'm available huh?  My, my, things
are popping up all over here."

   Their cocks were hard and sticking out like flag poles as they moved in
on her.  Her hands went out to stroke them and draw them ever closer.

   "So, they aren't pickles in your pockets after all are they?  That's
good though.  I'm horny as hell and in dire need of some hard cock.  Two of
them as a matter of fact."

   "Oh yeah?  Well, why doesn't your hubby take care of you then?"

   It was my neighbor to the North, Hal.  His graying hair was messed up as
if he'd already had some `quality time' this morning.  That, or he'd not
brushed it when he got up.  This was not like him at all.  I'd never seen
him with a hair out of place.  Of course, I'd never seen him naked, getting
ready to fuck my other neighbor's wife either.

   "Oh, all he's interested in is his work and making the almighty buck to
have any time or energy for me."

   "His loss is our gain.  Stupid fuck though.  I mean, having a hot little
number like you at home and not playing with you... that's stupid."

   This came from the golfing partner, Pete.  He had a little paunch, and
for the life of me I couldn't see what Gloria, our neighbor, saw in him at
all.  Now I was interested in seeing just what was developing.

   As I watched they got into their little tryst and pretty soon Gloria had
Pete's cock in her obviously wet pussy, while Hal was getting a superior
blowjob.  I mean that too... Gloria was sucking on Hal like he was the last
man with a cock on earth.  Like her life depended on giving him pleasure.

   For just a tiny bit I was jealous.  She is a very nice looking lady and
I'd be lying if I said I'd never had a stray thought about her here and
there.  I soon got over that though when I remembered how Jim, Gloria's
husband, was a great guy and not deserving of this.

   I knew how I'd feel if I caught Drew fucking around on me, at least I
thought I knew what I'd feel like, and it wasn't a good thought.  I
couldn't understand why Gloria would do this to Jim, and I certainly hadn't
had any inkling at all that she was this way.

   I'm not a voyeur type of person, and seeing people I knew fucking around
on their spouses as these three were made me kind of sick inside.  I
quietly turned and went back through the house gathering up my folder and
clothes and headed out the door.

   I debated calling Drew to let her know about it, but then figured she'd
be in with the doctor by now, so I decided to let it go until I got home.
Hopefully the trio would be done before Drew got home and felt she had to
deal with it.

   This was probably my first mistake, although in the scheme of things it
wasn't anything at all.  Had I called Drew and warned her about the
threesome going on in Gloria's backyard, she would have reacted to my news
and things would have probably been totally different when I got home that
night.

   On my way back to work I debated what to do with this new found
knowledge about my friends and neighbors.  I finally decided that it was
all their business and I didn't need to be involved.  I was damned if I did
and damned if I didn't, but I felt the damned if I didn't could be the
lesser of two evils.

   I could always feign ignorance about what I'd seen.  Nobody knew I was
there and saw them, not even Drew for all practical purposes.  I'd never
have thought that my friends would cheat, let alone with others in our
circle.

   At work I started to wonder about Drew and me suddenly.  Did she know
about Gloria?  They were awfully close and shared lots of things with each
other.  Would Drew fuck around on me?  I doubted it.  I truly did.  We had
both been faithful, as far as I knew, to each other for the entirety of our
marriage.

   Drew wasn't built to cheat.  It wasn't in her make up, I was certain of
that.  I had been tempted several times in the past, but always remembered
that what I had at home was far better than any temporary gratification
could ever be.  So I'd never cheated on Drew either.

   Later that morning, I called Drew, and when she answered I could hear
the intercom in the background at the doctor's office announcing someone's
name.

   "Are you still at the doctors?"

   "Yeah.  They took some tests and they're keeping me here until the
results come back from the lab."

   "Oh honey, are you sure you don't want me to come stay with you?"

   "No Matt.  You need to be at work.  One of us has to bring in some money
for the day.  I'll be all right.  If I don't feel well enough when it's
time to go home I'll call you for help.  Not until then though, okay
honey?"

   "Drew," I was worried about her.  "I can be there in a half an hour or
so.  I think I should come."

   "No Matt.  I'll be okay, I promise.  Besides, you can't be here that
quick without driving way too fast, and then I'd worry about you being in a
car wreck or something.  Just stay at work and if I need a ride I'll call.
It'll be a while though, so don't worry, okay?"

   "Well, okay Drew.  Look, I don't like not being there for you, but if
you're sure that you'll be okay, or if you're not, that you'll call me,
then so be it.  I love you baby."

   "I love you too Sweetie."

   Of course, all I did for the rest of the day was worry about Drew to the
extent that I got absolutely nothing done.  I might as well not come into
work at all.  Except now I had the other breaking news to deal with.  I now
had information on my friends and neighbors that I really wished I didn't
have.

   In my worry about Drew, I had forgotten to warn her about Gloria, Pete
and Hal.  I figured that I'd talk to her about when I got home, if she felt
up to it.  That was in my thoughts when I pulled up in the driveway at home
that night.

   Walking in the door I heard voices in the kitchen, so I strolled on back
to find Gloria and Drew talking.  Drew was in a robe, and knowing her,
pajamas underneath.  Gloria was dressed in a bikini and had a lounging robe
on.

   Right away I saw I couldn't say a word about what I'd seen that morning.
We made small talk, and Gloria was her normal happy self.  I couldn't
believe that the woman I'd seen that morning, acting like some Whore of
Babylon, was sitting in my kitchen chatting like the highlight of her day
was talking to Drew.

   Uncomfortable with the situation I excused myself to go hide out.  Well,
I told Drew and Gloria I needed to work on the `project'.

   "Okay honey.  I'm feeling a quite a bit better now, and Gloria and I
will just quietly chat out here.  You stay away from me though I don't want
you catching what I have."

   "Okay Drew.  Love you.  See you later Gloria."

   "You know Matt, if Drew stays sick more than a day you can always come
to me for comfort.  I'll be more than happy to take care of you."

   Gloria's lewd wink and smile offset what I knew now was a real danger.
Drew was laughing even as bad as she must have been feeling being under the
weather and all.  I'm sure I was blushing beet red too.

   I couldn't believe Gloria had said that in front of Drew.  Suddenly I
almost felt a need to mention what I'd seen that morning, but looking at
Gloria and the look on her face, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

   Gloria had made such comments before, and I'd just brushed them off as
friendly teasing.  Drew and I had talked about it a couple of times and
Drew was confident that Gloria was just `that way' and not dangerous.  Just
friendly flirting was all.

   If Drew only knew what I knew now, she'd probably not feel so confident.
I planned to tell her later that night once Gloria was gone and we had some
alone time.  Of course, the best laid plans of mice and men... by the time
I realized that Gloria was gone Drew had gone to bed and was sound asleep.
I had missed my shot that day all the way around.

   The next morning, Drew was up and gone before I got out of the shower.
She'd been upset over missing work the day before, and felt good enough to
go in, so she'd showered early and took off while I was showering.  I heard
her as she left, hollering at me to have a great day.

   I wondered who would be in my neighbor's backyard today while nobody was
home.  I was sure now that Gloria was nothing but a slut and it was hard
telling who all she was fucking.  I briefly wondered about Jim.  Did he
have any clue whatsoever about Gloria?

   Again my day was taken up with `the project' and worrying about what I
should do with my knowledge.  In the end I started up a conversation with a
buddy.

   "Hey, you ever know anybody who was married and cheating on their
spouse? I mean, did you know when the other spouse might not have?"

   "Oh man.  Yeah.  That was a nightmare.  I knew this couple a few years
back.  Good people.  He was fucking around on her.  I saw him with his
little honey one night while his wife was home tending to a sick kid.  I
knew that he had told her he had to work on a special job."

   "Oh yeah?  So...what did you do with that knowledge?"

   "Well, I debated for a few days over what to do before I finally decided
that in her shoes, I'd want to know if my spouse was cheating on me.  I
went and told her."

   "Did it help?"

   "HELP?  HELL NO.  Man, she tore me a new asshole.  `Her husband couldn't
possibly cheat on her.  He never had the inclination, time or opportunity.'
I was possibly the biggest asshole in the world for trying to bring trouble
to her doorstep.  Later, he got wind of what I'd done and he was all in my
face, wanting to kill me for trying break up his marriage.  We had one hell
of a fight and he actually kicked my ass too.  I learned a lesson in all of
that.  NEVER EVER be the bearer of such news to any married couple.  EVER."

   "Oh.  They blamed you for it all then?"

   "Oh hell yeah.  Later on she caught his worthless ass out and about with
that little honey and they ended up divorced.  Neither of them ever would
talk to me again though.  I never got an apology or nothing."

   "Wow.  Sorry to hear that."

   "Why?  You know something about some couple and need some advice?"

   "Could be."

   "Well, let me tell you.  Leave it alone.  Don't mention it, don't tell,
and don't acknowledge it.  Just ignore it.  Nobody wants to hear from
another person that the love of their life is cheating on them.  Nobody. 
Forget whatever it is you know and leave it lay."

   After that eye opening talk I decided to not mention what I knew to
anyone.  I would try to feel out Drew though.  I felt she needed to know
about her supposed friend.  After all, my knowledge would or could destroy
their friendship, so I wanted to be damned careful on how I approached Drew
on this.  The last thing I needed was for her to be angry with me.

   That night Drew and I were chatting as I fixed the salad for dinner.

   "So Drew, what do you and Gloria talk about?"

   "Why?  It's just woman stuff.  You'd probably not be much interested
Matt."

   "Just curious I guess.  You two seem to be close friends.  Gloria ever
talked about other men?  You know..."

   "Oh.  Just curious.  Yet specific.  Matt, is there something on your
mind?"

   "No really.  I mean... Gloria kind of caught me off guard the other day
with her `taking care of me' comment."

   "Yeah, I noticed.  Boy was your face red.  It was cute."

   "Has she ever mentioned that she... I don't know... messes around?"

   "Matt, are you interested in Gloria as something more than a friend?  Is
there something I've missed between you two?"

   "NO.  I mean... no.  It's just...well... the other day I saw..." The
ringing of the phone caused me to stop telling Drew about what I'd seen
that day.  It was Gloria calling to chat with her so I ended up going up to
my home office and working on the project some more.

   Later Drew walked in and sat on my lap.

   "So, what were you going to tell me about earlier Matt?"

   "Oh it's nothing.  Really.  Her comments just made me feel that she was
more than teasing."

   "Oh honey Gloria wouldn't mean anything serious..."

   "Yes she would.  Drew, I know that Gloria is one of your closest friends
and all but you need to know that she's not quite the person you may think
she is..."

   "Matt, Gloria is my best friend."

   Drew's eyes were focused on mine and I could see that she was troubled
suddenly with how I was acting.

   "Matt, what's wrong?  You have that look.  You need to tell me something
but you're afraid.  What is it?"

   My chance was here at last.  Now... if I could only get it out right
without upsetting Drew, I could get it all off my chest.  I had been losing
sleep over this whole mess since discovering them out there as I had.

   "Drew... the other day while you were at the doctor's office I went to
the kitchen to get a soda.  While there I looked into Gloria's yard.  By
her swimming pool and saw her there with Hal and Pete.  They were... um...
naked and I heard them talking too."

   I was getting flustered because Drew's face had suddenly taken on a look
I didn't like.  I knew this face.  It was her `disbelief' look.

   "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY MATT?"

   "Don't get upset Drew.  I'm just telling you what I saw them doing,
that's all.  I don't think Jim is aware of it and..."

   "Matt, are you jealous of Jim?  Is that it?  You want Gloria so since
you can't have her you've come up with this story?"

   "Look Drew, I didn't want to see what I saw.  I never knew and I never
expected to see them... like... that.  It's what I saw and heard.  I
thought you needed to know just in case well, I know that you think the
world of Gloria and all..."

   "I can't believe this Matt.  Gloria isn't some whore.  She's my best
friend.  Yes, she is a bit more sexual than most women, but she has it and
there's no reason for her to hide what she's got.  Just because you may not
like her teasing you like she does is no reason for you to go off like
this. My God Matt, how could you say such terrible things about her like
this?"

   "Drew, it's what I saw.  I'm not making it up.  Hal, Pete and her had
sex right out there on Gloria's lounger by the swimming pool."

   "You know what?  I'm going to talk to Gloria about it Matt.  If she says
its bullshit, then we are going to have some serious issues to talk over
when I get back."

   "You don't think she'll admit it to you do you?  Come on Drew hear me
out okay?  Gloria doesn't know I saw them.  She'll deny everything to you
or anyone else.  Just take next Wednesday off from work and not say
anything to her.  I think they get together every time Jim is out of town,
and he's going to be gone next Wednesday.  You'll see."

   "Gloria?  With Hal and Pete?  Come on Matt, Gloria could do far better
than those two old goats.  You know what?  Because I love you and I
think... mind you... THINK you love me, I'll not say anything at all about
this to Gloria for the time being.  Next Wednesday though, you had better
be right about your claims.  If she isn't doing something wicked like that
over at her place, I'll go over there and tell her all about what you've
told me."

   "Jim will be gone for two days, and it could be that they can't get
together until Thursday too.  I don't know, and I sure as hell don't want
to be involved in that mess either.  Just trust me Drew... I wouldn't lie
to you."

   "I hope not.  You've never lied to be before, and I want to believe you
Matt, but Gloria... Oh damn.  That's why you were so weird the other day
when she offered to... take care of you.  You'd seen her that morning.  Oh
my God.  Oh my God."

   I could see that now Drew believed me, at least partially.  I had a huge
load off my chest and it appeared that Drew still loved me and at least was
listening to my story.  I just hoped that Gloria would follow through with
what I figured she'd be doing on the next Wednesday or Thursday now.  If
not, I'd probably be on someone's hit list for sure maybe two someone's. 
If Jim found out, I would possibly be on three someone's hit lists.

   The next few days were tense around our home.  Drew and I had sex, but
it was different.  Drew was holding back at times while I was struggling to
overcome this sudden void that had crept into our lives.  Each day brought
more hope that Gloria wouldn't let me down now.

   On that Monday I found out from my boss that a training class I had been
scheduled to take had been moved up two weeks.  I had to fly out Tuesday
evening and stay until Saturday.

   To say I was unhappy was a huge understatement.  What with what I
figured was going to happen next door this week, I felt a need to be home.
Instead of being able to take a few days off I now had to fly out of town
for a stupid training class.

   My boss had made it clear to me what would happen if I chose not to go
too.

   "Matt, I know that the change in the class is bad timing, but it's the
only time this year you'll be able to attend.  Matter of fact, it's the
last time this year they're going to give it and you have to, HAVE to have
that training to continue working in your present job."

   "What are you saying Robert?  I'll be fired if I don't go?"

   "Look Matt, this training is the next step for your move up in this
company.  If you aren't there, you can't move up.  I need someone who's
capable and able to move up.  You have the capable part down, matter of
fact I'm having a hard time believing you don't want to go.  I apologize
for the change and the shortness of notice.  That's the best I can do
though."

   "I know Robert.  I know.  It's just that some things have come up on the
home front and I needed to be home on Wednesday and Thursday.  Guess I'll
just have to man up and do what I gotta do.  Sorry."

   "That's the spirit.  I'll make it up to you Matt, I promise."

   My news didn't seem to bother Drew at all.  Matter of fact she just
accepted it as part of my job.  In the past we'd had huge arguments about
this very thing, the sudden travel with no forewarning.  Suddenly an out of
town trip for the rest of the week was no problem?

   I didn't feel good about it, and was expecting a fight from Drew.  When
that fight didn't occur I was curious as to why.

   "Drew, why aren't you upset about this training class?"

   "Matt, I learned some time ago that your job requires you to be out of
town once in a while.  I know that this trip was unexpected and the class
was for two weeks from now, but it will be okay.  Gloria will do what
she'll do, if you're right, and I'll see it.  When you get home it will be
settled, one way or the other.  Matter of fact I think it would be better
if you weren't around if she does do what you claim you saw."

   "Okay.  But why not want me around Drew?"

   "First of all, Gloria is my best friend.  She doesn't need to know that
you know about her doing something like that.  She doesn't need to find out
that we think she's a slut, if that's what she's doing."

   "Why the fuck not?  I mean, I didn't plan on watching them.  Matter of
fact it made me kind of ill to see it when it was going on."

   "How long did you watch them Matt?"

   "Not long.  Just enough to know that it wasn't a first time thing.  For
any of them."

   "Okay.  I can understand why you'd be ill at seeing something like that,
I think.  You like Jim and Gloria and thought we were great friends.  Then
you see that and you're put between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
If you tell Jim, you risk your friendship.  If you don't tell Jim, you risk
your friendship."

   "Yeah, something like that."

   "Then you need to understand this.  Gloria is my best friend.  While you
and Jim are friends, Gloria and I have bonded closely.  I'm not sure how
I'll handle seeing her like that, and to be honest, I don't want you to be
there because your being there could set a pace to drive things to a place
I don't want to go."

   "What?  You want to stay friends with her even if she's like that?"

   "Look Matt, I know you don't understand, but we are so close.  I can't
leave her like that, knowing that she will wreck her marriage.  I can try
to talk her out of doing that and remind her that Jim is her man.  Barring
that, I know that she'll one day need someone to lean on when Jim finds
out, and he will eventually... won't he Matt?"

   Drew gave me that look.  She knew that eventually I'd feel the need to
tell Jim everything I'd seen that day and that Jim would probably fly off
the handle at Gloria.  I understood why Drew felt a need to be there for
her best friend, but I didn't understand how Drew could be her best friend
now, after knowing what Gloria was doing when she thought she wasn't being
seen.

   "Look Drew, why would you want to be friends with Gloria when you know
she's like that?"

   "So far Matt all I have is your word, and though you're my husband and I
love you, I love Gloria too.  Not the same way as I love you and if she is
doing what you say you saw, it will put a huge strain on our relationship
too.  Still, we are close friends and friends don't dump one another...
ever."

   "Admirable, but there are limits to friendship Drew."

   "NOT FOR ME MATTHEW."

   I knew I was pressing too hard.  The `Matthew' thing was the first sign
of obvious irritation by Drew in this whole mess.  Drew has always
considered friendship to be a sacred bond that is worked on and held dearly
to.  I had admired that in the past, but now it worried me.

   If Drew kept being friends with Gloria, would Gloria rub off on Drew? 
Could Drew get caught up in Gloria's lifestyle and end up doing something
like I had seen Gloria doing with Hal and Pete that day?

   Or would Drew rub off on Gloria in a good way and cause her to re-think
her lifestyle?  Would Drew help Gloria to see the error of what she was
doing and help her to find Jim again?

   Knowing Drew, I knew that either way, I would find out.  I just hoped it
would be the latter instead of the former when it all settled out.  Drew
and I had talked about messing around on each other and we had both stated
that would have the highest cost, our marriage.  I hoped that Drew
remembered those conversations now.

   The next day I left for the training.  I had misgivings, but in the end
I knew that my trust in Drew was firm, and that I could only hand her the
freedom to have a choice.  I hoped that her seeing Gloria doing those
things wouldn't be too hurtful to her, and that they'd be able to work
things out.  I also hoped that Drew would be helpful for Gloria instead of
Gloria dragging Drew into her lifestyle.

   All I knew was that I had to trust Drew to do the right thing by us. 
Still, there was a little voice in my head telling me to go with caution. I
fretted about it all the way to the airport.  Drew was driving and I could
tell she was bothered by my feelings since they must have been showing.

   "Look Matt, I won't do anything like those things Gloria has done, if
that makes any difference to you.  I love you and I can only love you.  I
can only make love to the person I love and that's you totally.  Please
Matt, don't worry about this.  I'm not sure how I'll handle it all, but you
don't have to worry about me.  Okay?"

   "Okay sweetie.  I trust you.  After all, we had a discussion about
something along these lines a long time ago, and I know that back then you
thought like I did, and extra-martial affairs were wrong.  I love you Drew,
I really do."

   I felt somewhat better, but not totally.  Temptation can bring down the
most rigid and righteous person, as the bible and other written history
will show.  I mean, Eve was tempted into taking the apple right?  Samson
was brought down by Delilah.  What more can I say?

   I arrived in good time and called Drew from my hotel room.  She was in a
good mood and we had some sweet phone sex before I hit the pillow for the
night.  I felt better than I had earlier, knowing that Drew did love me.

   We made plans for me to call her the next night around seven.  After
hanging up, I lay in bed and thought about what I'd seen that day.  Gloria
had a hot body on her that was for sure.  I know that I had some thoughts
once a long time ago about her but those thoughts had been short and not
all that serious.

   It was who she'd been doing it with that really bothered me though.  I
figured someone like Gloria, with such a hot body and all, should have had
some real studs out there not two fat, gray haired, old men.  I just didn't
understand that at all.

   The next morning we started the training and I discovered that it was
going to be harder than I had been led to believe.  I was going to be doing
some work after hours in order to keep up, and while not too difficult, I
could see that I was going to have some late night sessions trying to
figure it all out.  So much for easy classroom work and lazy days.

   That night I called Drew around seven.  She answered on the third ring,
her voice out of breath.

   "Hey Matt, how's things?"

   "Good.  The classes are tougher than I thought they were going to be,
but I'm learning what I need to know.  Why are you out of breath?"

   "Oh, I was on the patio enjoying the last rays of sunshine when you
called.  I forgot to bring the phone out with me and had to run in before
you hung up."

   "So, what did you see today?"

   "You were so right Matt.  I apologize for not believing you.  Gloria not
only was doing it with Hal and Pete, there were another two men there today
too.  I don't know who they are, but one of them was black and the other
was huge.  Everywhere.  I mean, huge."

   "FOUR men?  How'd you handle seeing that Drew?  I'm sorry, I don't mean
to sound pious or anything, but I told you so.  Damn, four men.  I never
knew that."

   "Matt, TWO men was too much to begin with.  Four is just... slutty."

   "I'm sorry Drew.  I know you wanted me to be wrong and Gloria to not be
doing those things..."

   "It's all right Matt, can you forgive me for not believing you though?
After all, you are my husband and all.  I should never have doubted you. 
NEVER."

   "It's okay Drew, I forgive you."

   "Oh Matt, you wouldn't have believed it.  Well, maybe you would have
believed it.  Three of them did her together and everything.  I mean... it
was nasty.  Real nasty.  Almost like Jenna."

   I was troubled now.  Drew sounded worked up, like she'd gotten turned on
a bit by seeing her best friend like that.

   "Uh Drew, are you all right?  I mean, you sound kind of jealous or
something."

   "What?  Matthew, how dare you.  I'd never do those things.  While it
wasn't disgusting to see, I could never do those things, and you should
know that.  I mean, naked people doing it has always turned me on a little
bit.  Knowing that I knew some of them was way far different than watching
a porn film.  You know how turned on I get when watching Jenna Jamison and
her studs anyway."

   I had to admit that Drew had always been more of a visual type of woman
than most.  She'd watch porn movies with me at the drop of the hat, and
later she'd wear me out in bed, or wherever else we happened to be doing it
at.

   "So, I don't have anything to worry about then?"

   "MATT, you're pushing the wrong buttons right now, and you know it."

   "Sorry.  I was kidding."

   "I know.  So was I.  Oh honey, I don't know how to go about telling
Gloria I saw her today either.  This is going to be harder than I thought.
I have to tell her I know though.  I just have to.  Even if it means our
friendship is in danger of being lost.  I can't hide this from her."

   "Drew, you do what you think is best.  I'll be here for you and I'll be
home on Saturday too.  I love you babe."

   "Goodnight sweetie.  I love you too.  I mean that Matt, I really do love
you."

   "I know Drew.  Just like I love you too."

   That night I was thinking about Drew and Gloria and suddenly it hit me.
Drew had no other true friends at all other than me and Gloria.  I had been
so worried about things that I had forgotten all about that.

   All the other people in the neighborhood were older to the point of
being retirees.  Well, almost.  With the exception of Gloria and Jim,
everyone was at least ten years older than us.  Most had kids that were in
high school.  Drew and I hadn't even gotten to the point of having kids
yet. Neither had Jim and Gloria.

   Here I'd been worried about Drew possibly cheating on me, and she was in
the middle of learning things about her only and closest friend that were
not really `good' things to know of them.  I knew that I'd have to watch
close and keep Drew remembering that she had me still.  I'd be her rock. 
She was going to need one that was for sure.

   The next day the classes were tougher than the day before.  I struggled
with some of the concepts presented and by the end of the class day I had
figured out most of them and was fairly comfortable with them.  I was
drained though.  I went out and ate, then headed to the room.  After a long
hot shower I called home.

   Drew didn't answer the first time.  Later, when it was about seven I
called again.  This time Drew answered promptly.

   "Hey Matt.  I miss you baby."

   She sounded worked up.  I wasn't sure whether I should be glad or
worried about that.

   "Love you Drew.  You okay?"

   "Oh baby, I'm more than okay.  I'm fi-i-i-n-n-n-e."

   She moaned out `fine' and that started the hackles on the back of my
neck to rise.

   "Drew, are you alone right now?"

   "No, I'm not baby.  I'm with you."

   "You're all alone in the house though, right?"

   "Of course baby.  I'm just practicing for when you come home."

   "Practicing?"

   "I've got big blue out."

   `Big blue' was a fake cock we'd gotten once.  It had been a gag gift I'd
gotten her actually, and we'd used it a few times in our play.  I knew that
time to time she'd use it when I was gone out of town too.

   "What are you practicing for sweetie?"

   "You'll see when you get home.  I'm all warmed up though.  I want you
naked within one minute when you walk in the door Saturday Matt.  I want
your hard cock poking the back of my throat while my hands pull you by your
ass cheeks deeper and deeper.  I want to swallow you whole baby."

   I was on fire suddenly.  Drew was hot to trot right at that moment and
the phone sex was hot.  We'd done this before too, but never had Drew been
warmed up before the call and never had she started it like this.

   "Oh yeah?"

   "Yeah.  Then after you shoot your load into my mouth and down my throat,
I will suck you right back up and drag you to the couch where I'll lay you
down on your back."

   "Oh yeah...sounds good."

   "Yeah?  Well, once you're laying back I'm going to straddle your head
and give you a chance to re-cip-ro-cate me.  I can feel your long hot
tongue licking me like you do.  Oh!  Oh!  Uhhh!

   I knew she was cumming right then.  I thought that she'd come down and
we'd have the rest of our talk, but I was stroking myself imagining her
laying on our bed naked, working her pussy with `big blue'.

   "Oh yeah...that was good, but I want more."

   Surprise number two.  This had never gone two times before.  This was
new.

   "You want more baby?"

   "Oh yeah...lots more Matt.  I want your tongue licking me, sticking
inside me, your hard cock in my mouth while you eat me to multiple
orgasm's. Once I've had enough of that I am moving off of you.  I straddle
your hips, your hard cock is sticking straight up.  Oh...uhhhh...and I drop
down on you, your cock penetrates me deep.  Ohhh...uhhh..."

   She was working up into another orgasm.

   "Oh baby...I'm riding your cock and your hands are on my tits.  My
nipples are hard and you're pinching them, tugging on them.  I can feel it
all the way down to my pussy.  So full.  Full of you.  Oh...Uhhhh...OH!!!
UHH!!!

   I couldn't believe it.  Drew was having another orgasm again and so soon
too.  Not only that, she was worked up as much as I'd ever heard her be on
the phone.  I wondered briefly why, but I was caught up in the sexual
tension now.

   Drew came hard that second time and as she did, I sprayed all over my
chest and stomach.  I came pretty hard myself.  It felt great, but nothing
near as good as actual sex with my wife though.

   While we both calmed down from the almost simultaneous orgasm's, I
gathered my thoughts.

   "So...how are you sweetie?"

   "Missing you Matt.  Missing you."

   "Did you have a talk with Gloria yet?"

   "No.  I keep thinking about what I saw and what she must have been
feeling, all those cocks..."

   "Drew, you don't want to try that do you?  I couldn't handle that at
all. You know...'

   "NO.  I'm just...oh I don't know... the thought of all those cocks is
enticing, but I'd never cheat on you Matt... you should know that.  I'm
maybe a bit jealous about Gloria, but only in what she must feel when
there's more than one man inside her.  Not what she's going to face when
Jim finds out."

   "I don't understand.  You want to try multiple cocks, is that it?"

   "Matt, damn you... NO.  It's the fantasy baby.  That's all.  You never
have thoughts of more than one tongue on your cock, or more than one mouth
on your body?  More tits, more pussy, more... I don't know... everything?"

   "Well, not since I've been with you baby.  I mean, a long time ago
maybe, but since we've been together?  No."

   "You do know I'm talking fantasy Matt?  I don't want to try it out for
real.  It's just fantasy material.  Like Jenna and the studs."

   "Well, you're making me a tad nervous Drew... but I think I understand.
It's just the timing of it all."

   "Well, until the other day Matt, I'd never seen people doing it in a
group grope kind of thing in real life either.  Gloria looked so... I don't
know... fulfilled?  Maybe?"

   "How fulfilled will she be when Jim finds out Drew?  How `good' will she
feel then?"

   "Maybe Jim knows and is into it too Matt."

   "Now you're talking real fantasy Drew.  You know Jim as well as I do. 
He's so jealous you know he'd kill someone for even thinking about doing
Gloria.  You can't seriously think that he'd go for that for one second do
you?"

   "You're right.  He'd never go for that, and neither would you.  That's
all right though.  I could never do those things either.  I just can't help
thinking how it would feel and everything."

   "Well, you can try those things with your next husband dear.  This
husband don't want nothing to do with that stuff."

   "I know Matt, I know.  I'm sorry.  I just got caught up imagining...
things.  That's all.  How's the training going anyway?  Learning everything
you need to know?"

   The sudden change in conversation was probably a good thing.  I was
thinking bad thoughts about Drew suddenly and worry was one of the last
things I needed to have on my plate this week.  Still, I worried.

   The next morning the trainer came up to me and told me that I was ready
for the test.  I was surprised.

   "I thought we had another eight hours of training to go yet."

   "Oh no.  You're so far ahead of everyone, we talked it over and thought
you'd like to get out of here early, so we think you're ready for the test.
You pass, you're gone before lunch and don't have to stay the extra day."

   I passed the test with flying colors and bid goodbye.  I was able to
catch a flight home in the early afternoon, putting me home at about four
in the afternoon.  The cab dropped me off and I just then realized that I
hadn't called ahead to let Drew know I'd be home early.

   I thought about that and wondered if maybe I was thinking deep down I'd
catch her doing something bad?  Did I not have the trust in my wife I once
had last week?  Was it all subconscious or was it a protective instinct
triggering in with everything that had been going on this week?

   My next thoughts were what Drew's reaction to my showing up like this
would be?  Would she see it as innocent mistake and be glad or would she
see it as intrusive and mistrusting on my part?

   Well, having read some stories online here and there, I started with the
facts.  I was home and there were no strange cars in the driveway.  Drew
was home, or at least her car was.  I hadn't called, but everything had
happened so quickly and surprisingly to me it couldn't be a planned thing
on my part.

   All I had to do was go inside and let Drew know I was home.  That was
all.  All I had to do was go inside and say `Honey, I'm home!' and we'd be
making love on the couch in a minute.  That was all.

   So why was I still standing on the sidewalk in front of my home then?

   I'll tell you why.  I was afraid.  Afraid of what I may find.  Afraid of
what I may not find.  Suddenly, I had all these fears about my marriage, my
love and my wife, where I'd never even had doubts before.

   I shook off the foreboding I had and headed to the front door.  Once I
got there I was surprised to find it locked.  That was something I'd never
encountered before when getting home from a trip.  Always the front door
had been unlocked.  Of course, I had been expected before.

   Worried a bit more now, I left my briefcase and suitcase by the front
door and walked around to the back.  Getting to the back gate, I stepped
through quietly as I could.  Sneaking into my own damn back yard was a new
feeling for me.

   I heard noises across the way and looked to see Gloria and four men
going at it.  I was surprised as I had been the first time.  I thought that
Jim would be home, yet here Gloria was, going at it with four men at once.
Stunned, I could only stare at first.

   Then I noticed that the huge man that Drew had told me about was facing
away from Gloria and towards our backyard.  He was waving a huge cock in
the air, pointing it towards something or someone I couldn't see at that
moment.

   "Hey baby, come on over and get some of this.  There's more than enough
for you here.  Come on pretty momma, you've got a great body, and I love
the way your pussy looks too.  It looks so good with that big blue dildo
going in and out of it.  Bet this would feel soooo much better though."

   He was talking to someone in our backyard.  I was definitely worried now
and decided I needed to move quickly.

   I shook off the surprise and went the rest of the way into my back yard,
almost at a dead run.  I turned the corner just past the house and almost
fell on top of my wife.  Drew was naked, lying in our lounger, masturbating
with big blue while watching Gloria and friends.  Her legs were on either
side of the lounger and spread as wide as I'd ever seen them.  She was
spread so her whole body was exposed to their lecherous eyes.

   "MATT!"

   "Drew!"

   "MATTHEW?  Oh MY GOD!"

   I heard Drew as I moved in front of her.

   "WHO THE FUCK IS HE?"

   One of the men that was in Gloria's mouth had turned and was staring at
me.  I didn't know him at all.  Matter of fact, I knew none of the men in
Gloria's back yard.

   "HEY, that must be the hot chick's husband.  Damn.  I was hoping..."

   The large black man was pointing at me.  He didn't finish what he had on
his mind, but I had a rather good idea what he'd been hoping.

   "DREW!"

   Gloria was aware, finally, that something was up.  Spitting out the cock
that had been in her mouth and down her throat she yelled at me.

   "OH MATT, NO!  She wasn't doing anything Matt, really.  She was just
watching."

   Drew looked guilty and afraid.  She was trying to cover herself up but
she couldn't reach her robe because it was behind her about ten feet on the
patio table.  Obviously she had intentionally walked that ten feet totally
naked and then reclined back on the lounger to give them a show.

   "WHAT the fuck is going on here?" I finally got through all the names
and shouting going on to concentrate on Drew.

   "It's not what you think Matt.  I mean..."

   "It had better NOT be what I think it is Drew.  What the hell are you
doing out here naked?  Anyone and... and... they could see you!  With THAT
between your legs.  You were letting them look at you... like that."

   I pointed at a now cowering Gloria and four studs.  Drew was crying,
tears running down her face, while I was still in a bit of shock over what
I'd found.  I didn't know whether to be relieved or upset that my wife
wasn't next door.  I was upset that she was naked here in our back yard
where Gloria and studs could see her though.

   I could see fear in her eyes too.  I must have looked mighty angry at
that moment and probably scary too.  I was mad, but I was also confused and
hurt and a thousand other things at the same time.

   "You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow.  Why did you come
today? Why did you have to catch me like this?  Oh God... I feel so...
dirty."

   "Get inside and get something on.  We'll talk when you're calmer.  When
I'm calmer too."

   I glanced back over at Gloria only to see her smiling and winking at me.
She blew me a kiss as I turned away.  I couldn't believe this.  Not one
bit. I didn't know what to think.  I wondered briefly what could or would
have happened had I not gotten home right at that moment too.

   I went to the front door and gathered my briefcase and suitcase and took
them up to our bedroom.  I undressed and showered, then changed into some
jeans and a Tee-shirt.  I put on my boots and walked down to the kitchen to
find something to drink.

   Half way down the stairs I realized I needed something to drink that was
a bit harder than what we would have in the kitchen, so I went into my
office and broke out my bottle of Scotch.

   Two drinks in about as many seconds.  I poured the third one and made it
a triple shot.  The alcohol didn't seem to be working real well yet, but I
could feel the warmth from those first drinks beginning to spread through
my body.

   I sat in my desk chair and turned it to face into our backyard.  Putting
my feet up on the credenza I sat back and began to try to work out my
feelings and all the things that bombarded me.  Shock was a very real
feeling to me right then.

   Suddenly I realized that Gloria and her friends were still going at it.
I couldn't believe this.  I thought that she must be some kind of super
fuck toy or something.  She was putting more into her gangbang than most
porn stars do, and to top it all off, she loved what she was doing with
those guys.

   I turned my chair so I was facing my desk only to find Drew standing in
the office doorway, staring at me.  She had dressed, and her eyes were
still red from crying, but the look on her face was one that I'd never seen
before.  I couldn't tell if she was mad, hurt, upset, unhappy, or what.

   "You were watching her."

   Simple statement.  Only now it wasn't simple at all.  I was confused and
upset.  Yes, I was turned on by what I saw, but I was also upset by having
found Drew naked and masturbating with big blue where they could see her.

   I was also upset that Drew had been so upset with my finding her like
that too.  It led me to believe that she knew what she'd been doing there
was wrong.  It also made me wonder what else she had been doing while I was
gone.  This was a woman that I didn't know suddenly.

   "I didn't know they were still going at it.  I would have thought my
coming home and all the excitement would have shut them down for the day at
least."

   "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry..."

   "Drew, why?  How could you?  By doing what you were doing you were
sending a message to those guys that you might be available.  Are you? 
Were you wishing that you were over there enjoying them too?"

   Her silence worried me.  She wouldn't look at me, her face hidden by the
way she was standing.  Half turned to me in the shadows.

   "DREW.  Look at me."

   Her head turned slowly and then I saw her tears.  She was crying. 
Silently and almost as still as a mirror, but crying none the less.  It
tore at my heart.  I almost started to cry just seeing her standing there
looking so lost.

   "I... don't know... I don't know..."

   Her shoulders shuddered and her hands went to her face.  I heard her
now, and it was a type of crying that she'd never done around me before. 
Deep heart-rending sobs that made me feel low.

   "Drew... why?  Can you tell me why you would strip naked and masturbate
with big blue in front of them like that?"

   "I... don't... I don't know Matt.  They were out there and I saw them.
One of the men saw me standing there and started talking to me.  Like I was
participating or something.  I guess I was, after all I was being nothing
but a vulgar, dirty peeping Tom."

   "No, you were in your yard minding your own business.  They were an
attraction that anybody would have watched, at least for a minute or so."

   "I should have turned and walked right back into the house when I saw
Gloria there, like that... but I didn't."

   "It's your home Drew.  You shouldn't have to put up with things like
that in your home."

   "But Matt, I wanted to watch them.  Oh God... I can't believe this.  I
wanted to watch my best friend act like some whore, and I was getting off
on it.  I wanted to do what you caught me doing.  I went back into the
house, got big blue and stripped off my clothes, and put on the robe.  When
I got back outside I left my robe on the picnic table then laid on the
lounger, naked.  I let them see me... naked."

   Drew's voice broke and she started sobbing again.  I let her cry, not
getting up or taking her in my arms.  I was still pissed at her for having
been like that, for those creeps to see.  It cut me deeply that she'd do
something like that and made me wonder what would have happened had I not
come home until tomorrow as originally planned?  How far would this have
gone?

   "They made comments about me.  They all thought I was beautiful, sexy,
desirable.  I lay down and at first I was keeping myself positioned so they
really didn't see anything, but after a bit, watching them and thinking
about it, I spread my legs and began to use big blue.  I was so hot... so
damned turned on... and then one or the other of the men who wasn't busy
would look over at me and say things while I masturbated with blue."

   "You know that what you were doing is so close to actually cheating that
it's not funny, right Drew?"

   "I didn't do anything Matt.  I was in our yard alone."

   "If you'd have gotten more turned on, say I didn't come home right then?
What would I have found in an hour Drew?  Would I have found you over there
joining in?  Would I have found the love of my life cheating on me with her
best friend and her studs?  Can't you see how far you've gone already Drew?
A week ago, you'd never have allowed someone other than me to see you
naked, let alone masturbating with big blue.  Today you were out there
naked, masturbating and you weren't hiding a damn thing to their eyes.  You
were listening to them.  You were interacting with them Drew... I can't...
I just don't know you anymore."

   "Oh Matt.  I love you.  Please, I love you with all my heart.  I'd never
cheat on you, on us.  Not like that.  Please, you have to believe me.  I
couldn't help myself as far as the masturbating went.  It's just so
crazy..."

   "You can help yourself though Drew.  In the past, I haven't seen you
strip down and use big blue at the video store when we're picking out a
Jenna movie.  I've never seen you masturbate with big blue outside.  I've
never, in fact, seen you naked outside before.  All this change in a
week... it's too much."

   "But I didn't go over there.  I stayed in our yard."

   "What about that?  Why did you stay outside naked and let them watch you
like that?  Why would you allow them to see you masturbate like that?  Why
could you do that and still think that I'd be okay with it?  Drew, you were
interacting with them, regardless of what you may think."

   Drew looked down and I knew at that moment I'd hit a nerve.

   "What?"

   "I knew it was wrong Matt."

   "You knew it was wrong?"

   "Yes.  I should never have laid out there naked and masturbated like
that, I know it's wrong."

   "WHY?"

   Her shoulders shook at my loud voice.  I was upset that she had done
this, but I think I was more upset that she knew what I would react like if
I had seen her doing something like that.

   "Because it was them seeing me.  It was my allowing them to see me.  It
was the fact that I was out there watching them and watching them watch me.
That I didn't run inside at first like I should have.  That I had thoughts
about..."

   Here it was.  Finally she was going to admit that there was more to it
all than she had said at first.

   "About what Drew?'

   I kept my voice calm and low.  I was having a hard time doing that mind
you, but I knew in order to keep her talking I had to remain calm.

   "I had thoughts about doing those guys... or actually, them doing me
like they were doing Gloria.  I was imagining them and me while I
masturbated.  Okay Matt?  Are you happy now?"

   She got up and fled the office and I heard our bedroom door slam shut a
few seconds later.  I was sitting there stunned.  She had been thinking
about having those men after all.  How close had she come to actually
destroying our marriage?  Was our marriage already destroyed?

   I felt used.  Used and also intimidated.  I was intimidated by men who
had no moral compass obviously, men who could gangbang a married woman and
like it.  Men who could try to get another married woman involved with
their games.

   Obviously this had struck a nerve with Drew.  I questioned many things
about us that not too long ago I would have taken for granted.  I
questioned if I was still enough for Drew.  Had she hidden things from me?
Was she thinking there was greener grass out there now?  Did she really
want what Gloria was getting?

   If that was what she wanted, she also had to know that she'd be doing
that without me in her life.  She knew I could not and would not ever go
for her having other men.  Just as I knew she couldn't stand for me to be
with other women either.

   What a mess our lives were now.  I didn't know what to think, and some
of the thoughts I was having were not good at all.  I could feel anger deep
down, and it was beginning to grow into an uncontrollable rage.  I just
didn't know what I was angry at or who I was angry at either.

   I was sitting there alone in the dark a few hours later when I heard our
back door open and someone come inside.  It was Gloria.  She had dressed
and while a bikini wasn't much, it at least was something more than she had
worn earlier.

   "Hey Matt.  Drew around?"

   "Upstairs.  Our bedroom.  I suppose you know where that is, don't you?"

   "Don't be mad at her Matt.  She was just watching.  That's all."

   "She was thinking of them though Gloria.  Watching you got her thinking
about them.  She was thinking of them when I walked back there and caught
you and her... and that."

   I was surprised that I wasn't ranting and raving at her.  After all,
Gloria was the reason my marriage was on the edge of never at the moment.
Yet, I sat there and calmly discussed things with this woman like it was no
big deal.

   "Baby, haven't you ever had thoughts about me?  You know you have.  I've
seen you look at me time to time.  I know you want me.  It's all just a
fantasy baby.  That's all... a fantasy."

   "I'm married and I love my wife.  I don't need or want anyone else. 
What you were doing over there was definitely not a fantasy either.  Now
though, if things change like they seem to be, I may not be able to say any
of that soon.  In that case, I can firmly say that I'd not want to touch
YOU with THOSE guy's dicks.  You seem to think that I want you... that I
fantasize about you... that couldn't be farther from the truth now.  A few
months ago, yes, I did have a stray thought or two.  Now, after seeing what
you truly are, I'm not only disgusted by you, I`m also afraid of you.  What
diseases do you have?  None of those men were wearing condoms.  None of
them probably care what you catch either.  Besides that, what about Jim?"

   "It's too bad you think that way Matthew.  You just missed your shot at
me."

   "Thank God for little favors."

   "I'm going up to see Drew."

   "I'd rather you just left my home.  But, I won't stop you from talking
to her.  Just remember that what happens now will reflect on you and Drew."

   "Oh, are you going to tell on me Matty?  Is big brave Matty going to
tell my hubby that his wife is a slut that fucks any man with a cock
between his legs?  What will he think when you tell him that Matty?  Will
he think that maybe Matty had his wife too?"

   "Get out.  Now."

   "I don't care if you tell Jim.  Tell him.  See if I care.  His only care
is his job and the big bucks it brings him.  He could care less about me,
so why should I care about him?"

   "That's not true Gloria, and deep down you know it.  You're trying to
excuse what you're doing as neglect on Jim's part, and that is flat not
true."

   Gloria was about out of the office when Drew showed up in the doorway.

   "You need to leave Gloria.  NOW."

   Gloria looked shocked at Drew's command.

   "Hey Drew, it's me, Gloria.  Your best friend."

   "GET OUT GLORIA.  NOW."

   "I'll call you later."

   "Don't bother."

   It was a Drew I'd not seen before.  She looked angry and defiant.  Her
ordering Gloria out was a shock, not only to Gloria, but to me too.  I
never thought I'd see the day that something like this would or could
happen.

   Gloria left quietly.  I could see concern on her face and maybe a bit of
guilt.  I was quiet too.  Drew was acting differently from earlier, and it
appeared that she'd decided to come down and talk to me.  At least I hoped
that was her plan.

   Drew followed Gloria out and I heard her lock the door behind Gloria as
she left.  A few minutes later Drew came back into the office.

   "Can we talk?"

   "Yeah.  I'm sorry if I said things that upset you Drew.  I was just so
damned shocked at finding you like you were out there."

   "Matt, I love you more than life itself.  You have every right to be
angry with me.  I was doing things that no married woman with any self
respect should have been doing.  I allowed strangers to see my naked body.
I allowed them to see me... pleasuring myself.  I've done something to us
in the process.  I realize now that I truly was in danger of losing you and
everything I hold dear."

   "Don't be too hard on yourself Drew..."

   "Matt, you said it yourself and I thought about it too, where would I
have been in one hour or two if you hadn't made it home when you did?  I
can't honestly say.  I was so turned on watching them, it was like a movie
only nastier and more, I don't know, sexy maybe."

   "Yeah.  I know what you mean about that.  After all, I watched them too.
More than I wanted to too.  It kind of sucked me in.  It was so unreal, yet
so in your face at the same time."

   "But you didn't strip and masturbate Matt.  I... I did."

   Drew hung her head down and started to cry.  I got up and went over to
her, taking her into my arms.

   "Don't.  It's all right.  You didn't do anything.  You just masturbated,
that's all."

   "Matt, you know better than that.  Don't try to excuse what I did.  I
was thinking things like I said earlier.  I really couldn't tell where
fantasy left off and the reality was working on me.  If you hadn't walked
in right then I probably would have done something terribly stupid."

   "But you didn't."

   "Only because you came in and stopped me."

   "Drew..."

   "MATTHEW... please... let me finish."

   I stood there holding her, wondering what was going on in her mind.

   "Matt, I had serious thoughts about getting closer to them.  I wanted to
see Gloria up close, I wanted to see those men up close too.  Too close. 
Had I gone there it would have led to my joining them.  I... I would have
cheated on you Matt.  I see that now.  Clearly, I would have cheated on
you."

   Heart on fire - my heart was on fire.  Burning pain cutting through me
as her tortured confession spilled out on my chest.  I felt a surge of
anger, unreasonable anger, splinter through my body as I tried my best to
stay still.  I almost succeeded.

   Drew pulled away, fear in her eyes.  She backed up three steps, hands
out towards me as if to push me away, yet draw me near at the same time. 
Tortured fear in her eyes as her confession burned through my soul.



   "Matt, I'm sorry.  It's the truth though.  I see it now, so clearly.  I
was so worked up and turned on I was allowing my self to get closer and
closer to that edge.  If you had been two hours later you'd have seen me,
probably, more likely than not over there with them."

   "Why?  Drew, why tell me this?  Do you want to divorce me?  Do you want
them that bad?  I have to believe that you wouldn't have done that Drew. 
Please tell me that you really wouldn't have done that?"

   "I... I can't Matthew.  I don't know what would have happened, but I
can't truthfully say I wouldn't have ended up over at Gloria's today..."

   "Then - what are you saying Drew?  Are we finished?"

   "NO... I... I Love you Matthew, so much, yet I did what I did.  I
thought about what I was doing and about them.  Then you found me like
that. I don't understand it, but I was about to cheat on you and I have no
good reason to do that.  None at all."

   "Drew we can work through this.  We can go to counseling, anything. 
Please.  I love you.  You didn't cheat on me, on us.  What you did do is
bad, but not bad enough to cause me to walk away from you.  I still love
you Drew."

   "How can you love me after seeing me like that?  I allowed them to see
me like that?  How can you stand there and tell me you love me after all
this?"

   "How can I not?"

   "What?"

   "Drew, I love you now, I loved you yesterday, I loved you a year ago,
I've loved you ever since we first met.  How can I not love you now?"

   "After what you saw me doing, you can love me?"

   "What you were doing wasn't the best thing a husband could see his wife
do in front of other men, but it wasn't the worst thing either.  I mean I
didn't find you over there joining in with them."

   "It was just a matter of time though Matt.  I know that now."

   "But you didn't.  I think with some help, we can work through this.  Of
course, I can't see you and Gloria remaining friends after this.  I'd not
be comfortable with that at all, but even then, who your friends are is
your business.  As long as your friends don't put you into situations like
Gloria has."

   "How can you still love me Matt?  I almost cheated on you.  Matter of
fact the only reason I probably didn't was due to your showing up like you
did."

   "My mind is too messed up right now to answer that Drew.  Just answer me
this, do you still love me?  Am I still the number one man in your heart?
In your head?"

   "YES.  You are the only man in my heart or my head.  I know that for
certain."

   "Then we just need to work this all out.  Maybe see a doctor or
counselor for a while.  We'll work through this together.  You and me."

   I felt I had to explain my thoughts to her now.

   "Seeing them and their interacting with you like they were doing drew
you into their little circle.  It wasn't just you, anyone could have been
drawn into it at that moment in time.  Later, like you, they would have
felt really bad, but in the lust of the moment..."

   "I'm sorry Matt.  I really am."

   "Let it go Drew.  We need to work through this, but that isn't going to
happen tonight or this week for that matter.  I love you, you love me. 
Let's just work on that for now... okay?"

   Drew ran to my open arms and I hugged her close.  While holding her I
felt her shaking as she cried some more.

   "What now honey?"

   "I came so close Matt.  I almost threw it all away for a few moments of
gratification.  That scares me so much it isn't funny."

   "Well, just so you know that you aren't the only one with these
feelings. That first time I saw them, Gloria, Hal and Pete, I was tempted
for a bit.  I had thought a bit one time or another about her that way. 
That's probably why I'm so upset.  I saw in your eyes what I had felt that
day and it scared me."

   Drew pulled back and searched my eyes.  I saw some anger or jealousy for
a moment, then recognition of what I said about being scared too.  As tears
flowed from her eyes, she smiled and pressed her lips to mine.

   "I'll only ever be yours Matt... I promise you that."

   "I'll only be yours too Drew.  Promise."

   "I know."

   Dragging my little secret out had been necessary.  I knew that if Drew
felt it had all been her alone, and that I'd been above it all, she'd feel
guilty for a long time.  She didn't deserve that.  I had thought that day
if only for a moment, what it'd be like to be in Gloria like those guys had
been.  I suppose it was a natural thought process in some ways but
nonetheless, I had been tempted myself.

   We slept that night spooned up to each other.  Drew never let go of me
the whole night.  Always her hand was on my body some how, some way.  We
didn't have sex we just cuddled and held each other close.  Our marriage
had been shaken to its foundations, but we slept together and touched each
other all night.

   I know now that our touching like we were was our inner beings
re-inventing our love for each other.  We were reassuring each other that
we still loved each other through our touch.  Our touching also helped us
to remember that we were there for each other, still.

   The next morning I called into work and took the day off.  While they
weren't exactly happy about the sudden day off on my part, I was able to
let my boss know without saying too much, that a lot depended on my having
the time off.

   I made breakfast for Drew and myself, and as I was finishing up the
eggs, she showed up at the table.

   "Morning cupcake."

   "Morning.  Are you still mad at me?"

   "Drew, I thought we went over that last night, no I'm not mad at you.  I
was scared last night but now I'm just glad that you're here with me."

   She ran to me putting her arms around my body tightly.  Her head buried
in my chest I felt hot wet tears soaking through my Tee shirt.

   "Hey, what's this all about anyway?"

   "I just love you so much Matt... and I almost lost you."

   `You never almost lost me Drew.  Upset me, yes, lost me no."

   "I need to talk to someone about this.  We need to talk to someone about
this.  This has been a biggie."

   "Yeah.  A real bit more of a biggie than usual, that's for sure.  So, do
you have any ideas on who to call?"

   "We'll call someone that's for sure.  Lets look someone up in the yellow
pages after breakfast, okay?"

   "Sounds like a plan honey.  Lets eat."

   This all happened a few years ago now.  We've been up and down with it,
but we're still together.  In fact we're more careful to let each other
know our thoughts now.  We share pretty much everything with each other. 
That includes thoughts and fantasies.

   Gloria?  Jim finally came home one day and caught her.  He kicked her
out and almost killed the three men with her.  The cops came and calmed
things down though.  Jim never knew that we had known about it.  He moved
away a little while after their divorce.  Gloria found out about what she'd
tossed away too.  Too late though.