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 The Accident Chapter Three



   John and I had been happily married for quite some time when I realized
that I was getting bored staying at home.  I felt that I needed to get a
job so I could get out of the house more, and meet new people.  After long
discussions on the matter, John finally agreed that I could get a job.  His
belief was that I didn't need to work so why should I?

   I started to work with the company and grew to love my job.  I was
meeting new people, and learning new things constantly.  Eventually, I
moved up to a place of importance.  I knew that my looks had something to
do with that, as most of the upper management were males who at times could
be real hound-dogs.

   I was so excited when I got my last promotion.  John was actually happy
for me, and the extra money was going to savings, so we were financially
quite well off.  Then Mr.  Samuels got transferred here.  The first day I
met him I felt something deep inside.  He had a magnetic aura about him
that made most women either talk like giddy school girls or just about
drool over him.

   The weird part was, he was a bit over weight, and definitely not a movie
star quality type of guy.  Yet, for some reason, all the women in the
office found him to be quite attractive.  Perhaps it was how he treated and
also talked to women.  He was one of those guys that women seem to
instinctively trust.  Funny, intelligent, and somewhat a bad boy at times
too.

   Then, one night we had a meeting with a client.  At dinner that client
was hitting on me.  I am used to that, having dealt with some clients
before who had tried to bed me as 'part of the contract' but I had handled
them all well, got the contract signed and not given up anything other than
some time.

   This night was different.  First the client was pushy and more
demanding. Secondly, we had been drinking a bit, and usually I would just
have water, but as I said, with the pushy client, I had to have a few
drinks too.

   To be honest, all the flirting had my heart all aflutter.  It had been a
long time since any man had paid attention to me like this client was. 
Bill, (Mr.  Samuels) even picked up on the flirting and soon I was getting
it from both sides.  I felt like a Goddess or actually, a very attractive
woman.

   As the night went on the guys kept up the flirting and by the time we
said good night to the client I had been getting on edge.  I could feel a
certain heat inside me that had all to do with sexuality and desire.  As we
headed back to the office, Bill kept up the banter and once we got to the
parking lot I was on fire.  Bill ran around and got my door for me before I
could do it myself.

   As he held the door, I turned my head up to thank him for being such a
gentleman.  Our faces were just a scant few inches apart.  Suddenly, our
lips touched and we were kissing.  I was hotter than I had been for a long
time.  I really needed to do something soon or I was going to burst.

   Bill took my hand and led me into the building, kissing me and then, to
add to the fire already burning inside, caressing my breasts through my
dress.  By the time we got to his office, I had no thoughts about anything
but fucking this man.

   I stood in his office, and did a slow sexy strip.  When I was
naked...well except for my stockings, heels, and garter belt, I sat on
Bill's desk and began to play with myself.  Shamelessly playing with my
pussy, sliding my fingers between my pussy lips, then plunging them deeply
into my hole.  Bill, who had stripped down to his boxers, sat on his chair
and got right between my legs.

   Soon, I felt his hands on my thighs, caressing me.  Then, hot breath as
his face got closer and closer to my now very wet pussy.  The next thing I
knew, Bill was roughly shoving fingers in and out of my pussy, and then his
mouth was sucking on my tender clit.

   I was so close to cumming I just took my legs and spread them as wide as
I could to give Bill full access to me.  His tongue would dive deeply
inside my pussy, then slip out to lick around my hole.  Soon, his tongue
was dipping lower, and just as I began to orgasm, I felt the tip of his
tongue on my little asshole.  The feelings that shot through me with the
knowledge that his tongue was there...in that spot, drove me into an orgasm
like I had never had before.  As his tongue left my asshole, his fingers
invaded.

   As I came down, Bill stood up and dropped his shorts.  I gasped.  His
cock was the biggest thing I had ever seen on a man before in my life.  I
stared at it as he walked around to the side of the desk.  Turning my head
to follow that bouncing shaft, the head of it ended up right on my lips. 
Bill was facing my head, but kind of parallel to my body.  His fingers on
one hand went to my wet pussy, and began to fuck in and out of me.

   Soon I moaned as I felt the stirrings of need building again.  The next
thing I knew...his cock was between my lips and pushing deeper and deeper.
He was past the most I had ever been able to take from John, and more was
still working into my mouth.  He stopped for a bit, and pulled out, just
the head between my lips.

   Fingers found my nipples and began to pinch and tug at them.  That
combined with the fingers in my pussy soon had me moaning some more.  As my
lips parted, relaxing on that large head, he slipped it deeper into my
mouth.  This pattern kept up for a while, until at one point, I realized
that his balls were rubbing across my eye sockets as he thrust forward.  My
throat had opened up with me never exactly knowing when or how.

   As he literally fucked my throat, I began to get hotter and hotter.  I
was taking his monster cock all the way into my mouth, and down my throat.
I was deep throating a huge cock like a pro.  Excited beyond belief, I
really started to work at giving Bill the best head I had ever given any
man.

   Bill pulled out of my sucking lips with a pop and moved around to stand
between my wide spread legs.  Taking his cock in one hand, he rubbed that
plum shaped head up and down my pussy lips, making me beg for him to fuck
me.  He teased and teased me with his hard cock.

   Finally he moved to push his cock into me.  I moaned and reaching around
grabbed his hips and pulled him hard into me.  This caused his whole cock
to drive into the depths of my pussy.  I began to orgasm, and kept
orgasming on each stroke of his huge shaft into me.

   He fucked me...I mean really fucked me hard.  I held onto his hips and
rode that shaft like it was the last cock on earth.  I came and came as
Bill worked up to his orgasm.  Then, he drove deep into me, his pubic bone
crushing against mine.  I soon felt his fiery hot cum flooding my womb.  My
last orgasm was as intense as my first and I came with him.

   After a little rest, I was just looking at his cock and began to get hot
all over again.  I think it was the difference, and the newness of it all.
That and the illicit nature of this whole act.  Soon I began to suck on his
shaft, bringing it to full steely hardness in a matter of minutes.  Bill
fucked me again on his desk, my legs hanging to the sides, right off the
corner of it.

   His hands cupped my breasts and squeezed and pulled on them as he rammed
in and out.  I came twice more as he just rutted with me.  After yet
another rest, I was walking back from the bathroom and cleaning up a bit.
Still naked, I stopped by the couch.  Bill walked up to me and kissed me.
The next thing I knew, I was bent over the back of his couch and his long
hard shaft was filling me for the third time that night.

   As he fucked me this time, he began to work fingers into my asshole. 
The touch combined with the pressure of his fingers against his cock in my
pussy drove me higher and higher.  As I came I realized that he had three
fingers all the way buried in my asshole, and I liked the feeling.  Yes, it
hurt a bit at first, but now it...well, as they say...hurt so good.

   By the time he came in my pussy, I almost wanted to beg him to fuck my
ass too.  He came before I could say that, as my orgasm...hell, multiple
orgasms were keeping me from coherent language.  I collapsed on his couch
back as he pulled his cock out first, then oh-so-slowly his fingers out of
my asshole.

   I could feel cool air flooding my ass as it slowly shut from the
invasion of those three fingers.  I closed my eyes, letting my post orgasm
flow over me.  Bill bent down and kissed me thoroughly.  Getting dressed, I
knew that Bill and I had just had some great sex, but most of the greatness
had been because of the newness between us.  Had we been lovers, it would
not have been quite so good I thought.

   I got in my car and drove home.  Sitting at a stoplight what I had just
done with Bill hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had just cheated on my
husband.  The one man I truly loved in the entire world.  I knew that if
John found out the pain it would cause him would be too much to bear.  I
sat there through two or maybe even more green lights, crying.

   My guilt didn't go away the next day either.  I struggled with telling
John that morning.  Then I decided to wait until that evening.  By that
evening, I had chickened out telling him at all.  I had nightmares for
several nights after that.  I felt so sad and so low.  How could I have let
myself go like that?  How would I ever be able to face Bill again?  How
could I sit there at home, and talk to John like nothing had happened?

   For the next few weeks I was quiet around work, and never let myself be
alone with Bill or any other man for that matter.  I didn't trust myself. I
didn't trust any man there either.  I was driving myself crazy with guilt
and the pain of what I had done to my husband.  John, so innocent, was
hugging me close every night, kissing me, holding me, doing everything he
always had done for me.  And I had stabbed him in the back.

   Guilt also surrounded my thoughts of that one night of hot sex too.  I
couldn't help myself.  I could still feel Bill's huge cock stroking deep
inside my pussy.  I could feel his scalding hot cum flooding my womb.  I
had dreams of that sex too.  When I did, I'd feel even guiltier the next
day.  I was surprised that John hadn't seen through it all yet.

   Then, one night I had to work over with a client.  Bill had stayed too.
We got the papers signed and this client offered us a drink.  Bill accepted
for both of us before I could decline and I found myself having a couple
drinks with some flirting men again.

   Bill drove me towards the office and once there I got out of the car
with the intent to run to my car.  Bill cut me off and taking me in his
arms kissed me thoroughly.  I broke away, breathing hard, feeling my
nipples betraying me.  They were getting hard.

   "No...we can't Bill.  It isn't right."

   "But Sue...you loved the other night and so did I.  I have to have you
again.  Please."

   "I..."

   Before I could say anything, his lips covered mine and his tongue shoved
into my mouth.  He kept up with this kiss as I struggled with him.  Then,
something inside me just quit.  I opened my lips more and pulled him closer
to me.

   He picked me up and carried me back to his car.  Setting me down long
enough to let me sit in the passengers seat, he closed the door and ran to
the other side.  Climbing in, he began to caress my shoulder, then my
chest, then between my legs.

   I'm ashamed to say, I pulled up my dress and spread my legs as wide as I
could in that car, and gave him full access to my now very wet pussy.  We
drove to a local motel where Bill got us a room.  Once inside, he stripped
my dress off, and then my bra and thong.  Standing in my stockings and
heels, he picked me up and carried me to the bed.  Laying me on it, he
knelt between my wide spread legs and began to lick and suck on my pussy. I
was on fire.

   "Oh...Bill...yesss...lick me...oh yes...lick me."

   I was running my fingers through his hair as he brought me to my first
orgasm that night.  He kept on eating me out, licking my asshole once in a
while, and then fingering both of my holes.  Soon, he had me on edge and
ready to fall into my second orgasm.

   As he pulled away I cried out.  Wanting him to keep going.  He had other
ideas.  He moved around until he was straddling my head, and in a classic
sixty-nine, he began to lick and suck on my pussy again.  I found the head
of his cock and plunged it between my lips, sucking like a vacuum.

   As he ate me I blew him.  Once again, slowly, bit by bit, he worked more
and more of his shaft into my mouth.  This time I felt my throat opening
up, and as I relaxed it as best I could, he began to pump his cock in and
out of me.  Feeling that hot hard shaft slipping between my lips, and
bumping around in my throat was making me hotter and hotter.

   Bill now had two fingers in my asshole and two in my pussy.  His lips
were around my little clit and he was sucking it out, pulling on it and
then squishing his lips tightly around it.  I didn't know it at the time,
but his actions were causing my clit to extend out like a little cock.  It
was out quite a ways at that point, he told me later.

   I was going nuts.  I grabbed his ass cheeks and pulled him all the way
into my mouth and down my throat.  His balls hit my nose and I just reveled
in the hot skin that was rubbing hard against me.  His cock began to throb
and suddenly hot cum shot into my throat.  He was so deep I never tasted it
at all until I pushed him back enough to get some of the remainder on my
tongue.  I had just swallowed cum for the second time, and loved it.

   Bill was still fingering my pussy and asshole, and I was close to
cumming.  He kept it up as I came and I just about passed out from the
sensations I was having.  We lay there for a bit, and then I began to suck
on his cock again.  I could taste his cum here and there, and feeling
slutty as I ever had, I looked into his eyes as I took his whole cock into
my throat.

   Soon he was hard as a rock and I was ready to feel that cock deep inside
my pussy.  I straddled him and put the head of his shaft right between the
lips of my pussy.  Then, as I looked into his eyes, I just let go and fell
onto his shaft.  The feeling of that long spear filling me as I dropped
almost made me cum right there.

   I managed to hold back and really began to ride his cock.  I was humping
up and down so hard my hair was flying all over.  I would grind on his
pubic bone, my clit rubbing in his pubic hair.  What I didn't know was my
clit was still sticking out from his having sucked it so much.  It was out
about an inch and exposed.  I was orgasming almost continuously as I
bounced on him.

   I came hard and long.  As I fell forward Bill slid out from under me,
breaking my most intimate contact with his cock.  Then, as I knelt in front
of him, he got behind and began to fuck my pussy again.  Soon I was in
nirvana again because he was fingering my clit as he shoved his cock into
the bottom of my pussy.  It almost hurt he was just there, almost bumping
my cervix from time to time.  I would move away just a bit when I knew it
was coming, but once in a while, he would bump and that pain soon
became...well, I'm ashamed to say it, welcome.

   I came several more times as Bill pounded my pussy.  Then he began to
pay attention to my asshole.  This night I wasn't drunk nor was I reluctant
like I had been the other time.  I asked, then begged him to fuck me there.
Finally, Bill started to work his cock into my asshole.

   Hurt?  Man, that hurt for a bit.  Bill was gentle, and slowly worked his
shaft into my ass, bit by bit.  Stopping when I would cry out or whimper
and then letting me get used to what he had in, then slowly work some more
in.  After a little bit, he had that entire long hard shaft in my asshole.

   I held still, as did he.  Finally, my ass relaxed enough for him to
start to move in and out in long slow strokes.  Bit by bit, he sped up,
driving a little harder, a little faster.  Pretty soon I was shoving back
at him and we were fucking as hard as if her were in my pussy.  I was
crying in passion and need as his cock split my ass cheeks wide open.

   The feeling of his cock pounding my ass was nothing like I had ever felt
before.  I couldn't imagine why it felt so good, but I knew that I really
like the feelings that cock in my asshole gave me.  I came two times before
Bill finally began to orgasm.

   As he started to cum, I was in the midst of the biggest orgasm of the
evening.  My mouth was open as I cried out in heat and passion.  Suddenly,
Bill's cock slipped out of my ass, and he moved around to be in front of
me. With my mouth open, it must have looked like an invite to him, and he
shoved his cock right into my mouth.

   I started to suck, thinking just how nasty this act was, yet loving it
more because of it.  His cum soon shot into my throat, and I kept his cock
deep inside me as it did.  After he came, I spent quite a few minutes
licking and sucking his huge cock clean as a whistle.  Just as I thought we
were done for the night, he got hard again.

   This time he rode my pussy to a very satisfying and sweet orgasm.  I
stood in the motel shower, cum running out of my pussy and my asshole wide
open, wanting to do this again...soon.  I was hooked on Bill's cock and the
nastiness of what we were doing.

   Later, when I got home the guilt hit me all over again.  Only this time
it wasn't quite as bad, and by the end of the week, I wasn't bothered by
it. I knew that my affair with Bill was just a passing fancy, and we would
soon get bored of each other.

   I still loved John so much too.  Every once in a while I would worry
about if he found out about Bill and I, but then I would fool myself into
believing that would never happen if Bill and I were careful enough.  I
never counted on a drunk driver side-swiping us while I was giving Bill a
blowjob.

   Bill and I met several times a week after work.  He brought out the
animal in me while we were together having sex.  For some reason I would do
things for him that I would never have dreamed of doing, let alone had done
with John.

   At times I would think about getting John to take my ass or letting him
cum in my mouth as I deep-throated him.  Then, reality would hit me and I
would remember that Jim would never get to experience that, unless he were
to be the one to push, which I knew he'd never do either.

   The night that we had dinner with that client was one that I'll never
forget either.  I thought that the client had left after our dinner date,
while Bill had actually talked him into waiting in the bar until he had me
naked and worked up.

   The door was locked, but Bill had given him his keycard.  As I was going
down on Bill, he had a tight hold of my hair.  It was a bit unusual, but it
was exciting me nevertheless.  Suddenly I felt a presence behind me, and
the bed moved downwards as if a weight had been put right between my legs.

   Doggy position and naked, my pussy and ass were readily available to the
'client' and my first real knowledge that someone else was in the room with
us physically, was when I felt hands on my ass cheeks as a rather large
cock head was pressing between my pussy lips.

   I struggled for a bit, but by the time the client was buried in my
pussy, I was feeling things deep inside like I never had before.  Two
cocks, one in my mouth and throat and the other in my pussy made it feel
like I had been impaled by a telephone pole.  They developed a rhythm and
soon I was bouncing between them, loving the feeling of having two large
cocks fucking me as they were.

   By the time Bill came, I was doing it all on my own, and his hands were
not forcing me to stay on his cock.  I swallowed all his cum, and then laid
my head on the bed as the client fucked me to a very good orgasm.  Feeling
his hot cum shoot into my pussy as I rested there, I realized that things
were getting way out of control.

   The feelings I had earlier were gone and replaced with the knowledge
that at least tonight I would experience two men at once and even if I
never got to do this again, I was going to make it worth my time.  After
the client pulled out of my pussy, I turned around and sucked his cock
fully into my mouth.  It didn't take him long to start to get hard again,
and when he did, I pushed him onto his back and straddled his cock.

   Lowering myself down on his hard cock I looked over my shoulder at Bill,
who was rubbing some lube on his hard shaft.  I smiled and began to thrust
up and down on the hard cock buried in my pussy, waiting for Bill to slip
behind me and give me his cock in my asshole.

   It didn't take long, and the feeling of having two hot, large, and rock
hard cocks in me at once sent me over the edge.  I started to cum and kept
cumming as they fucked my ass and pussy together.  The orgasm's I had were
intense though short, but I kept having them over and over again.  Part of
it was my mind and the nasty thoughts I was having as these two men fucked
me like I was just a play toy for them.

   When I felt their hot cum filling both my holes I had a huge orgasm that
caused me to pass out for a bit.  Coming awake a bit later, I found Bill's
cock dangling in front of my face and without any thought, I took him into
my mouth and sucked him deeply.  The client took a shower and left as I
gave Bill a blowjob, and after Bill came in my mouth, I took a shower and
headed home.

   I had mixed feelings for quite some time after that night, and didn't
allow Bill to have me until the night of the accident.  I had grown to like
having the illicit sex and the things that Bill would do to me, and when he
pressed harder than usual that night, I relented, and once again, went with
him to the motel.  It was on the way back to the office that I had gotten
real horny again, and started to give him a blowjob.  As he drove he was
telling me how I would be so good at helping gain new contracts by offering
myself to him and the clients we took to dinner.

   The more he talked about me doing other men, and maybe even groups of
men at once, the hornier I got.  I was taking his cock all the way to its
base when the drunk driver hit us.  The impact caused me to fall towards
the floor of the car as Bill was trying to get us stopped.  I tasted blood
in my mouth, never knowing that I had bit him pretty hard until after we
got to the hospital.

   Sitting in the ER, I knew that I had really messed up my marriage.  The
longer I sat there and John didn't show, the more fearful I got.  I did
love my husband.  I had always loved him.  Why I had done what I did with
Bill still mystified me, and I had no reason, no excuse, no anything to
offer as to why I had not only done it the first time, but let it continue
as I had.

   When John hadn't come to get me, I was finally forced to call my mother.
She was concerned for my well being of course, and asked lots of questions
about the accident.  Questions I couldn't answer without telling about the
cheating wife I had become.  When I got home, I got rid of mom, hoping that
John wouldn't kill me on first site.

   The look in his eyes...the pain, the knowledge that his formerly proper
and chaste wife had been cheating with another man...the hurt I had caused
him by that cheating...I felt as low as I ever had in my life.  Then, his
reaction was not what I would ever have expected too.  I could tell he was
trying hard to hold in his temper, but his statements about Bill and I were
so...calm.  So...at times he almost sounded like he was just curious about
a co-worker and the day we had instead of a husband asking about a cheating
wife's lover.

   The hours went by slowly and the longer I was around John, the worse I
began to feel.  I saw that whatever else I had done, my cheating had
probably destroyed my marriage and John's love for me.  When he wanted me
to tell him all the details, I was at first shocked, then after realizing
why he wanted the details, I was afraid.

   How do you tell a husband of so many years, how do you tell your one
true love, what you did with another man?  How you did things with that man
that you never allowed or even thought about trying with the one person you
loved more in your life?  How do you tell a loving husband why you allowed
yourself to have multiple sessions of sex with another?  How could I have
done what I did and not have kept that guilt I had the first time?

   All those questions, then when he questioned my faithfulness
before...from our dating days to the time the affair really started.  How
was I supposed to ensure that I was an honest person after having lied,
cheated, and gone outside our marriage like I had?  I wanted to die.  I
seriously contemplated suicide when John walked out that door that night
too.

   Cry.  I had never cried as much in my life as I did those first four
weeks we were separated.  I just knew that we were finished as man and wife
then.  The handwriting was on the wall.  Old friends stopped coming by to
see me; I was personna-non-grata at the parties and events.

   At work I was looked upon with distrust by the female co-workers, who
had once been friendly to me.  The males...well, in their eyes I was a
first class slut and they constantly hit on me.  Bill avoided me, and since
he too was separated from his wife, we made sure to keep away from each
other if nobody else was around.

   I finally had to quit when three men in one morning hit on me.  One of
them insisted that I give up some pussy to him because I was now the
official company slut.  When he said that I broke into tears.  I knew that
the reason he said it was to push me into fucking him, but he really hadn't
understood my actions or me at all.  Of course, I didn't even understand
what I had done.

   I quit that afternoon, and left the building.  The last thing I heard
was the front receptionist yelling at me.

   "Well, slut, I hope you're much more reserved at your next job.  Oh, are
you going to be working down on 5th and Masterson?"

   5th and Masterson.  The 'red-light' district.  Where all the hookers
hung out.  I had pretty much destroyed my reputation in business, and a job
that I had loved.  The city, while large, wasn't that large and I knew that
eventually, my reputation would come back to haunt me.  I looked for and
found a job in a totally different type of business.  Even using my maiden
name to help hide the truth from everyone.

   I also became celibate.  I was tested several times for STD's.  I stayed
away from all men.  I worked, went home, slept and then went to work.  Any
shopping I did, I did right after work on my way home, and I didn't waste
any time doing it.

   My mother called me daily, and I would keep the talk short and about
anything but John and I and our marriage.  Mom and dad tried to get me out
and about, but I wouldn't for fear of...well I really didn't know why, but
the thought of going out scared me to death.

   I had dreams every night and they were always about John.  I missed him
terribly, and even though I knew I had truly hurt him and driven him away,
I had some little slim hope that he would one day come back for me.  Maybe
even forgive me for the pain and suffering I had caused him.

   Then came that day I saw him in the restaurant with that other woman. 
My God, she was beautiful.  I had gotten a phone call from
someone...leaving a message on my answering machine.  Something about my
husband was about to become a single man attached already.  It was a man's
voice; one that I just couldn't help but think was that guy in the office
that had demanded sex from the 'company slut'.

   I went there, hoping against hope that I wouldn't see John there.  Then,
as I sat down, I saw them.  They were close together, whispering to each
other.  I was crushed.  I had, for all appearances, lost my husband to
another woman.  One who looked better, younger, and far sexier than I was.
I was sure I had no chance now of saving my marriage.

   Then, as I sat there, she suddenly got up, and crying, almost ran past
my table.  John had gotten up to follow her...then he saw me.  The look he
gave me.  I felt cold.  So cold.  John had a look that was like I was some
kind of insect that had irritated him.  I was afraid for a moment that he
was going to 'stamp' out that insect too.  I got up and stumbled out of the
restaurant, right behind that woman.

   As we waited for a cab, I could hear her muttering.

   "Bastard.  I thought we meant something to each other.  Son of a Bitch.
Oh...damn."

   I felt bad for her, even if she had been fucking my husband.  John had
evidently changed a lot.  I couldn't imagine him being mean or a bastard. I
couldn't imagine what he had done or said to hurt her so, but I knew that
the John I knew would never have done that to me.  Not intentionally.

   I began to fear that John had begun to hate women now, all because of
me. He hated me so much that he blamed all women for my having cheated on
him.  That had to be it.  The look he had given me.  It could have been
deep hatred.  Of me.  Me, his former wife.  His former faithful yet now,
cheating slut of a wife.

   That night at home I was despondent.  I felt like I had reached the end
of my world.  It was over for sure.  Over the next few days...actually
week, John called and left messages for me.  He wanted to talk.  I was sure
it was to tell me he was filing for divorce now.  Out of fear, I didn't
respond to his calls or messages.

   Then, about three months later, I decided we had to do something.  We
couldn't go on like this.  We needed to either finish our marriage or try
to fix it.  This hovering around as we were was only driving each of us
crazy.

   I had been going to a shrink for a while and she had been able to help
me figure out why I had done what I did with Bill.  She had also helped me
to see that I still loved John far too much to just walk away without a
fight.  I had to confront him and find out one way or the other.

   One night I got up my best brave front and drove to his place.  I waited
for him only for a few minutes when he showed up.  He looked surprised to
see me.  I noticed that he looked like he had lost some weight and sleep
too.  Circles under his eyes and a shadow...some kind of dark secret being
carried around.  I knew what that was.

   We talked.  I found out about that other woman, and the finding out was
painful to me.  Even though I already knew that he must have been intimate
with her, hearing him say it cut me to the bone.  And I had the benefit of
a warning.  I now had somewhat of a feeling of what I had put John through.
Only, what I had done was far, far worse in my mind.  I had not had a
reason to do what I did, while John had every reason in the world to do
what he did.

   Our first talk was rough, and broken.  I left with some hope that maybe
we could save our marriage.  But I knew that it would take a lot of hard
work and on my part, extreme sacrifice.  I knew that John would be
suspicious of any contacts I had at all.  I could tell that every phone
call that was for me would cause suspicion, that each time I left for work
he would be wondering.

   I wondered if I was going to be strong enough to stand up to that kind
of scrutiny or would I fail miserably?  That night in my bed at my
apartment I tossed and turned.  His words in my mind, my responses, me
wondering if I had said everything just the way it was meant, was it all
taken like I meant...I replayed that whole conversation over and over.

   The next morning I was drained.  I called in sick and just sat around
the house moping.  My visit to the shrink was eventful though.  She pointed
out that we had taken steps to correct the wrongs in our marriage.  She
also pointed out that even though John had cheated, it hadn't probably been
a 'revenge fuck' but a mixed up man trying to find his way, and a pretty
aggressive woman having come on to him strong.

   Then, one night Bill called.  I was stunned.  Flat stunned.

   "Why did you call me and how did you get my number?"

   "Well, I called because I thought that if you and your husband aren't
back together we might go out and have dinner or something.  I find myself
a single divorced man at the moment.  Oh, I got your phone number from
work. You left it and your forwarding address."

   "Well, I'm not divorced...yet.  I don't ever want to see you again
either.  We have done enough to each other now.  I don't want to do
anything with you, talk to you, or see you.  I am only thinking of one man
from now on, regardless of what happens between us.  I will only ever love
one man."

   "So you and your hubby are still married yet?"

   "Yes.  Maybe not for long, but we are still married and I am fighting to
stay that way.  If we should get divorced I will never be with another man
anyway.  I couldn't.  I just couldn't.  Even if I were to change my mind, I
sure wouldn't want to be with any man that I had cheated on my husband with
again.  I would appreciate it if you never tried to contact me again Bill.
Never."

   "Okay.  I'm sorry you feel that way Sue.  I truly am.  Goodbye."

   After we hung up I found myself shaking.  Hot tears running down my
cheeks as I thought back to that terrible day when John had confronted me
about my cheating.  Would I ever be able to put this all behind me and go
on with my life?  Would that life include John or had I lost him too?