Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Jessica goes wild

   I am Jessica's husband Tony.  We have been married for just over ten
years.  I work as an engineer in aerospace.  No I am not a rocket
scientist. I design airframe components for fighter jets.  My job requires
me to go out on site at times to test gear installed on jets that are still
secret-classified.

   Jessica is a research specialist for a stock brokerage company.  She
sometimes has to travel in order to investigate company's books and
operations.  She has been on trips for up to one week doing her research.
Jess, as I lovingly call her, travels quite a bit more than I do.

   We have always trusted each other without question.  I have had a few
times when a beautiful woman has 'come-on' to me.  I have never strayed. 
Not to say that it was a breeze to turn down a very good looking woman
coming on to me.  I usually would think about Jess and tend to calm down
before I did something stupid.

   Jessica is a well-built lady.  Her body is tight and firm.  She has
wonderful blonde hair that cascades around her shoulders as she walks.  Her
ass was the first thing that caught my attention when we first met.  She
has one of those proverbial 'bubble' butts.  Her breasts, well lets just
say she is top heavy in a very well proportioned way.

   Jess has always had that certain something that drives men wild.  Her
attitude and smile usually cause men who are not familiar with her to
stutter or forget what they are saying.  It has helped her in her job,
since most of the corporate boys think she isn't smart because she is so
well built and blonde.  She is actually very sharp and intelligent.

   When we first met it was at a beach party.  She was facing away from me
talking to a couple of people.  Her bikini left very little to the
imagination.  I walked up as she was telling a joke about engineers.  I had
stopped to talk to a friend and he was taking me to introduce me to her.

   I noticed her butt first simply because her thong bottoms showed it all
quite well.  My friend let her finish her engineer joke and as everyone
laughed he stepped in to talk to her.

   "Jessica, my friend Tony is here and I want you to meet him.  He is the
one I was telling you about, you know, the 'ENGINEER'." My friend, Bill,
was laughing as he said that.

   Jessica turned around and was blushing red as a single red rose among a
sea of white carnations.  Her joke had been very derogatory towards
engineers, and even though I had heard it before I still found it amusing.

   "I am so sorry!  I didn't mean to imply that all engineers are like that
one.  I mean, you look like a nice intelligent...  I mean geez, are you
really an engineer?  God!  This is so embarrassing!  Please forgive me, I
had no idea!"

   I let her stumble a bit and then just as I was going to let her off the
hook, Bill stepped back into the conversation.

   "Tony is a rocket scientist.  WHOO HOO!  Rocket scientist's can't
understand jokes at all didn't you know that?"

   Now everyone was laughing hard.  Bill had a way of speaking that makes
almost everything he says in 'that' way hilarious.  In this case he had the
whole party rolling on the floor.  More due to his gestures and faces as he
'excused' Jessica.

   We finally started to talk and soon we were alone in the crowd talking
to each other.  To say that we hit it off would have been very mild.  We
started to date very soon after that party and within two years we were
married.

   When we go out for a night on the town Jess will usually dress up in a
sexy, tight dress that shows off her body and its assets.  I will get looks
of jealousy and envy while we dance or sit at a bar table talking.  Men
often hit on her, asking for a dance and sometimes Jess will dance with
them.  More often than not we dance with each other only.

   The whole thing started with a trip that I had to take.  Jess was going
to be out investigating a company for that week also.  She wasn't sure what
city she would have to go to getting certain information because they had
offices all over the country.  She was sure that it would be one of those
pain-in-the-ass trips dealing with some of the men she would have to see.

   I left and was going to be gone for a week.  I kissed Jess goodbye at
the airport as she left to go to her flight and I left to catch mine.  We
promised to meet in one week at our favorite restaurant.



   When I got to my destination I discovered the problem and had it fixed
on the first day.  I had to stay and train some technicians on how to
locate and detect the problem.  My contact person was always pushing me to
go out each night and have a few.  I finally relented and on a Thursday
night we went to a club he knew of.  It had 'special' entertainment,
provided by amateurs who signed up when they came in.

   I was not able to get a hold of Jessica on her cell phone and figured
that she had it turned off because she was in a meeting or something.  I
met Jim (my contact) and we went to the club.  It was basically a strip
club that used 'amateur night' as it's main draw.  It was 'amateur' night
every night.

   We found a good table in the corner of the club where it was quieter and
a little darker than the rest of the place.  We had a few drinks and
watched some local girls dance.  They weren't too bad and I was impressed
with the talent showing it off.

   I noticed that some of the girls would do table dances from time to time
and seemed to go a quite a bit farther than most clubs would allow.  I saw
one girl sit right on the lap of a guy and rub her pussy around on his cock
while he fondled her tits and pussy.  The bouncers just looked the other
way while this was going on.  I had never seen a strip club allow touching
like this.

   Jim was getting fired up and soon a couple of his friends came in and
sat with us.  I never got their names but it was apparent that Jim and his
friends were 'regulars' at this club.  They had seen some wild stuff go on
there and were very vocal about what they had done with some girls in the
past and how it happened all of the time.

   I could believe it after seeing another girl do a lap dance right across
from us and she allowed the man getting the dance to actually finger her
pussy with three fingers.  He was stroking them in and out of her as deep
as he could get them and she was moaning as he finger fucked her to an
orgasm.

   I mentioned how I couldn't believe that the owners of the club could get
away with all of the stuff I was hearing about and seeing happen right in
front of me.

   "Man, these guys will let you gangbang a chick right here on this table
if she wants it.  The only time they stop anything is if the girl says no
and the men don't stop.  Then the bouncers step in and it gets stopped
rather quickly."

   "Yeah, one night a gal came in from another town.  She was blonde and
built like a brick shithouse.  She had all the men worked up and turned on.
She did a lap dance on one guy and he was grabbing and fingering her.  She
let him go and he finally got his cock out and was rubbing it on her pussy
lips when she changed her mind.  The bouncers stopped him immediately and
hustled him out when he got uppity about it."

   "Oh yeah, I remember that!  One of the other dancers pulled a train that
night and really loved all of the cock she got.  That blonde chick slipped
out after they ran off the goon who wouldn't take no for an answer.  If he
would have backed off I'll bet that she would have changed her mind.  She
was one hot babe and she was turned on up until he went a little too fast.
Timing is everything with these girls.  Take it easy and they won't get
afraid of being hurt and you can get them to do anything.  Once the fucking
starts they really get going."

   I was shocked.  I couldn't believe that the owners would allow gangbangs
and stuff like that.  I guess they were left alone by the cops who were too
busy doing other things to be bothered with small time crimes.  As long as
nobody complained they were allowed to run it as they saw fit.

   Jim decided to get me a table dance, but how he did it was sneaky.  He
got up and went to the bathroom.  While he was gone he talked to a little
brunette and had her give me the dance.  All I knew was that this naked
girl came over to our table and asked who Tony was.  As soon as she knew
that she was in my lap and rubbing all over me.  Her pussy was wet, since I
could feel her juices getting my pants wet.

   The other guy's at the table were cheering her on and making crude
comments.

   "Hey babe, give him the works.  He hasn't been laid in a week.  He needs
it really bad."

   "Yeah, get his cock hard and I will give you a twenty."

   "Hell, get his cock off and I'll give you a fifty."

   I was getting upset.  I had never had a lap dance in my life and had no
interest in getting one and they were trying to get her to fuck me as I sat
there.  I finally found my tongue and started to talk to her to get her to
stop.

   "Don't listen to them, I really don't want this dance thing.  You are a
nice looking girl and if I wasn't married I wouldn't mind, but I can't do
this or let you do this.  Please stop."

   She looked at me in disbelief.  The guys sitting with me got quiet and
just stared at me.  They could not bring themselves to believe that I would
turn her down.  I am sure they thought I was gay or something at that
point.

   She looked over at them and shrugged her shoulders.

   "He's hard, does that count?  I mean, I got him harder that a diamond
here.  He just doesn't want to cheat on his wife.  What do you say guys?"

   "Un-fucking-believable.  He doesn't want to cheat on his wife?  You
sitting on his lap rubbing all over his cock and he doesn't want to cheat
on his wife?  Un-fucking-believable."

   Jim got back to the table right at that point.  He was listening and he
just smiled and shook his head.

   "If he don't want the babe, well, why don't we show him how we have fun
guys?"

   The dancer leapt up off of me and went over to one of the other men
sitting there.  Soon they were clapping and howling as she worked him up
and he felt her up.  I could not believe that this was happening right in
front of me.

   She got his pants undone and was rubbing his cock with her hands as he
fingered her pussy.  She then slipped up on his lap and guided his cock
into her pussy with her own hands.  As she bounced around on him the
bouncers came over and watched.  As soon as they knew she was a cooperative
partner in the fucking they left.

   For the next hour and a half I watched as this girl got fucked in every
way.  They took her anally, orally and vaginally.  She let them do her
three at a time.  They were nice, but almost rough with her.  It didn't get
out of hand rough, but it was still rougher that I would have been.

   I had a wet spot on the front of my pants where she had rubbed her
juices on me.  They made comment on that, but for the most part left me
alone.  I saw for the first time, a woman getting very well fucked by four
men.  Jim was very aggressive and had her several times.  Once in each hole
and then a few more times afterwards.

   I went back to my room that night with a hard-on that wouldn't go away.
I was stunned with what I had seen in front of me tonight.  It was
indelibly etched on my mind.  I had a difficult time getting to sleep that
night.

   I talked to Jess the next morning and she was a bit upset because she
had to deal with a real 'ladies man' as her guide.  She wanted to just
leave right then and go home but she still had some things to check out in
their books.  She figured that she would be about two more days and be home
on Sunday.

   I pressed her a bit and found out that the guy had been hitting on her
constantly for the whole week.  He even traveled with her to the different
sites as she looked up the information she needed.  Jess said that he was a
pushy and arrogant jerk.  She couldn't wait to get home again.

   I told her about my 'club' night out and she thought that it was funny
when she heard about my wet spot on my pants.  She trusted me and knew that
I hadn't done anything with another woman.  She thought that Jim and his
friends were jerky, but she still laughed when I mentioned my embarrassment
with my wet pants.

   "Baby, when I get you at home I will make your pants wet too.  I will
get you so worked up you won't be able to say no to me."

   "Only you could get me that worked up Jess.  Only you.  I love you Jess,
I really do love you."

   "I know.  You just want to get rid of your blue balls so you are being
nice to me.  I will give you a case of extreme blue balls, then I will
drain them dry Tony, just wait and see."

   Jess had her fun with my predicament for most of the phone call.  We
said good-bye and I went in for the next training session.  I still didn't
know where Jess was since I had forgotten to ask her where she was.  She
had kept me off guard and on the run for the whole conversation.

   All that day Jim teased me about my wet spot.  Towards the end of the
day, as we were cleaning up the room from the class training he invited me
out to the club again.

   "Hey Tony, why don't you come along tonight.  I won't let the guys tease
you and you don't have to have a dance if you don't want to.  It will be
fun and I owe you since you did this class training for me."

   "I don't know Jim, I didn't like last night, and my wife thought you
guys were jerky towards me.  Having all of that fun at my expense was not
my idea of fun."

   "You liked watching us fuck the babe though, didn't you Tony?  I saw you
watching us and you had one hell of a hard-on.  You are packing a pretty
big gun down there you know."

   "What, you were checking out my package?  You aren't gay or bi are you
Jim?"

   I had my little joke on him.  He laughed and shook his head.

   "No man, I ain't gay or bi.  I couldn't help but notice your package,
since the dark spot on those khaki pants you were wearing was so
'pronounced' so to speak.  You are well equipped man, well equipped."

   I finally relented and told him I would be there after dinner.  He told
me the address so that I could direct the cab driver if necessary.  I
didn't think that the cab driver would have a problem since it seemed to be
a popular place.

   I got to the club after my dinner and found the guys sitting at the same
table we were at last night.  They were laughing and talking about the last
dancer, who I didn't see.  She had gone to the back room to change or
something just as I came into the club.

   "Man you should have gotten here sooner.  That last chick was about the
hottest thing I have ever seen here.  She had legs up to here and a tight
butt.  Man she was built.  Big tits, hard nice nipples.  Long blonde hair,
and moves like a pro.  Christ she was the hottest babe I have ever seen."

   Jim was going on and on about this chick and the others were just
agreeing with him.  I was curious; since the gal last night had been pretty
good looking and they weren't even comparing her to this chick.  I thought
that she must really be one great looking woman.

   "She came in with those five black guys over at that table.  They were
all over her like bees on honey.  She was eating it all up too.  She loved
them touching her.  She even let them finger her at the table before she
got up to dance.  She is one hot babe, I am telling you."

   "Those guys were fingering her?"

   "Fingering her?  Hell they were almost fisting her.  One guy had four
fingers all of the way in her tight pussy.  That's another thing, she has a
bald cunt.  Clean-shaven.  Looks great on her man.  She is a first class
slut too.  I think she is going to the entertainment tonight.  Those guys
bring in white women all the time and usually that woman is the
entertainment for the whole bar.  This is going to be a night to never
forget."

   I was curious.  I had to see this babe.  If the girl last night was any
comparison this woman must really be great looking.  They were going on and
on about her for quite a bit.  I wasn't going to do anything but watch, but
still, I had to see this girl they were so excited about.

   Soon the music started up and I watched the stage.  She was going to do
another number.  Jim insisted that since she was going to do another number
she was going to be available to all of the patrons in the club tonight. 
This was going to be a huge gangbang night tonight.  I couldn't wait to
watch this super woman do her thing.

   The blonde came out on the stage dancing.  She was the most beautiful
woman I had ever seen.  Her hair glistened in the stage light.  Her body
was very smooth and showed muscle tone.  Her tummy had ripples of muscle
and her bald pussy was stand out.  She had everything I could want in a
woman.

   My heart was thumping as she danced across the stage.  At one point she
was down on the floor of the stage and spread eagled.  Her pussy was
running wet and the men in front of her were throwing money at her left and
right.

   One man reached out to her and was saying something.  She looked at him
then moved in closer so he could reach out and touch her.  He plunged three
fingers into her tight pussy.  She humped on his fingers for a moment then
pulled off.

   Another man waved a ten in front of her and she moved over to him.  He
told her something, again I couldn't hear what due to the music, and she
put her butt right on the rail in front of him.  Her legs spread wide open
and she gestured to him.  His head moved in towards her exposed pussy and
soon his tongue was very busy in her tight wet pussy.

   My heart was really going now.  I had never seen such a wanton display.
As her number finished up the crowd went wild.  The noise and clapping was
tremendous.  She had the whole club ready to come down.

   The DJ came out on the stage and started to interview her.

   "What's your name honey?"

   "Just call me...honey.  Yeah, Honey is what you can call me."

   "OK, Honey, if you want to use a stage name that is ok with me.  What is
that ring on your finger there?  Are you married?"

   "Yes, I'm married."

   "Does your husband know you are here dancing tonight?  Is he aware that
you are the special entertainment for all of these men tonight?"

   "No.  My husband does not know what I am doing here tonight.  I don't
want him to know either."

   The crowd was hooting and hollering.  They really wanted to fuck this
chick and it appeared that she wanted them to have her too.

   "Why are you here tonight Honey?"

   "I am to be the gangbang girl.  I have to fuck everybody here tonight."

   "Whoa, you have to fuck everybody here tonight?  Don't you mean you want
to fuck?  You better explain yourself.  I can't let you fuck everybody if
you don't rally want it Honey.  I don't want to get sued or arrested
because you were forced to do this."

   "OH NO!  I...I...want to fuck everybody.  I meant that I want to fuck
all of these men tonight."

   "Are you sure, you sound like you are not so sure about this.  You don't
have to do anything you don't want to Honey.  You are going to have to
convince me you really want to do this now.  I think you are being forced,
and I won't let you do this until you convince me otherwise."

   She looked over at the black men at the table.  Her look was one of
fear. They just looked at her and said nothing.  She looked out at the
crowd, but because of the stage lights she really couldn't see anybody past
the first three rows or so.  I was back in the darkness with my 'friends'.
There was no way she could see us.

   "I really want to do this, you see, I made a bet and now I have to
follow through on it.  I won't cry rape or anything like that.  Please let
me fuck these men here tonight.  Please?"

   She sounded almost desperate.  I knew that she was really acting out of
character for herself.  You could see it.  She had that 'deer in the
headlights' kind of look about her.

   "Well, I don't know Honey, you seem to have made a bad bet, and now you
have to follow through on something that you never thought you would have
to.  That could come out as rape in a courtroom, so I think you better got
play somewhere else."

   "NO!  Please let me get fucked here now.  I need to get fucked.  I want
to have all of those cocks in me.  I want to suck them and swallow their
cum.  I want them to fuck my pussy and ass.  I want to get fucked now. 
Please?  I will not tell anyone what happens here tonight.  I just don't
want my husband to find out.  He can't know what I am doing here tonight.
That is why I didn't sound too convincing.  Honest.  I am just afraid my
husband will find out."

   "Oh, you want to get all of these men to fuck you but you don't want
your husband to find out.  You are a real slut aren't you?  You want all of
these strangers, black, white, red and yellow to fuck you in all of your
holes, just don't let hubby find out?  Don't you think he would notice you
being stretched out and sore from all of the fucking you are about to
receive?"

   At that line of questioning the crowd really let loose.  They knew they
were going to get to fuck her and they were barely able to control
themselves.  She blushed red and looked down at the table of those black
guys.  They were smiling and clapping at her.

   The DJ then announced that it was party time.  As she stepped down off
the stage a couple of men grabbed her and laid her out on a bench that had
obviously been prepared for her gangbang.  It was padded and shaped like a
'Y'.  This shape allowed support for her legs in a spread wide position,
and her head was very accessible also.

   She lay down on the bench and the lines started to form up.  Soon she
was sucking one cock and another was in her tight pussy, ramming away.  Her
moans and grunts were muffled, but I could see she was getting into it
almost right away.

   I had moved in close so that I could hear the Black men talking about
her.

   "Man, she is going to be the hit of the party tonight.  Nobody will ever
forget her after tonight.  There must be twenty men lined up already.  She
is going to pay off on the bet real well."

   "Yeah, I can't believe how hot she got in the hotel room earlier.  I
don't think she had ever had anal sex, but after a few minutes of your
cock, she was moaning and wanting more of it.  She just begged for it after
a while too.  What a first class slut.  Man when her husband finds out he
is going to dump her like yesterday's news."

   "Man, can you just see her old man when she gets home?  Her pussy is
going to be stretched out so big you will be able to park a cement truck in
it.  Her ass is going to be like the Holland Tunnel too.  What is that poor
slob going to feel like knowing that she has been so well fucked?"

   "The important thing is that she won't be able to do anything but what
we want her to.  She is our whore from now on.  Whenever we are in her town
she is going to get gang fucked.  I will see to that.  She cost me a bundle
last year, and now I am going to make up for it."

   No I knew why she was doing this.  I could tell earlier, by the
inflection in her voice, that she was under some kind of extreme pressure
to perform tonight.  Evidently these men had something on her and had used
that to force her to fuck them earlier, and now be their gangbang whore as
a back payment.

   My heart hadn't slowed down yet.  I knew she was near her breaking
point. How, do you ask?  I knew because this slut being fucked in front of
me was none other than my wife, Jessica.

   Her last call must have been from a local hotel.  How could this have
happened?  What did these men have on her to cause her to let herself be
gangbanged by all of these men in this club?

   I watched as a man moved up between her legs and pulled them up and
back. This caused her butt to roll up and her asshole came into view.  I
could see that it was open a bit, about the size of a quarter.  Evidently
these men at the table behind me had used her ass quite a bit before coming
to the club.

   The man between her legs pushed his cock right up her asshole and
started to saw back and forth.  Jess had cum all over her face and now
several men had fucked her mouth.  Their cocks were going deep into her
mouth, until their bodies would block them from going any further.  Some of
the cocks she had sucked on were quite long, one looked to have been over a
foot long.

   My knees were getting weak and I felt like I was going to pass out.  I
stepped back and went back to our table to sit down.  I then noticed that
there were three other girls being gangbanged also.  This was keeping the
crowd from becoming unruly.  A well planned, thought out gangbang party
place for sure.

   I sat there for most of the night.  Around three in the morning the last
man finished with Jess and left.  She just lay on the bench spread out and
almost asleep.  The DJ came up and stood by her.  I saw him lean over and
his hand went to her very tired looking gaping open pussy.  He stroked her
for a bit as he talked to her in a low voice.

   As I watched, his hand slipped up and into her.  He had on a tee shirt,
and I watched as his bare arm went back and forth, fucking her with his
hand.  Her hips started to move and soon she was moaning.  I couldn't
understand how she could even be aware of what was happening to her.

   He fisted her pussy for a while, and then after she came pretty hard, he
pulled out.  He looked over at me, shrugged his shoulders and walked away.
I got up and stumbled over to where my wife was laying.  I had tears
running down my face, I don't remember even starting to cry.  I looked down
at her used abused body and wept.

   I had my eyes closed, and after a bit I opened them.  I had heard
something she had said something.  I looked down at her and saw her looking
up at me with the most fearful look.  Her tears burst out and she started
to cry.  She couldn't talk, probably because of all of the cum she had
swallowed, and the cocks that had been in her throat.

   I just turned and walked away.  I went to my hotel room and fell asleep
on my bed, fully dressed.  I woke up hours later and felt like shit.  I
hoped that it had been a nightmare, but after getting up and showering I
knew that it hadn't been.

   I packed my things and went in to see Jim before I left.  He was pretty
hung over.  His only comment was that the slut last night had worn out a
lot of men.  Her husband was some kind of lucky bastard.  I just got the
gear from the classes and left.

   I got home on Sunday and just sat around.  My life was shot to hell.  My
wife had been the star of a gangbang.  MY WIFE.  I had a slut for a wife
and hadn't even known.  All I could remember was those men taking her again
and again.  Her holes wide open, gaping.  Her pussy lips had been red and
swollen, distended out like wings.

   Her body had been covered in cum, her mouth and lips were red.  I had
seen blood on the floor by the bench, under her ass.  Her tits had bruises
and red marks all over them.  My mind on fire, I just didn't know what to
do.

   I wanted to die.  I wanted to kill her.  I wanted to kill those men for
doing this to her.  I wanted to run away and never see her again.  I just
didn't know what to do.  I knew that we were done as a couple for sure. 
There was no way I could ever forgive or forget that night.

   I had trusted her with everything and she had dumped me like old trash
to be gangbanged.  How long had she been fucking around on me?  Had she
always been doing this?  How could I have not known or suspected?  The
fucking bitch!  I was getting mad now.  She had broken our marriage vows.
My trust in her was ruined, on the floor with my heart.

   I heard her come in the house.  I just sat where I was and said or did
nothing.  She came in and walked up to me.  She knelt down in front of me
and looked up into my eyes.

   "I am so sorry Tony.  I never meant to hurt you like I have.  I love you
Tony, and I don't want to lose you.  Please understand that I had to do
this, I had no choice."

   "You had no choice?  Had to do this?  You slut!  You WHORE!  Don't' even
talk to me about this.  There is absolutely no excuse you could come up
with that would explain anything I saw that night.  You performed for all
of those men then begged to get gangbanged by them.  You didn't want me to
find out, you said as much.  How long have you been fucking around on me?
Months?  Years?  Our whole marriage?  You...You...YOU CUNT!  Get away from
me WHORE."

   My outburst caused her to cry.  I didn't care one bit.  I got up and
went to our bedroom.  I grabbed her stuff and threw it out on the couch.  I
then went around the house and gathered up all of her things piling them
near the front door.  Jess just stayed on her knees, crying near where I
had been sitting.

   After I had gathered up all of her things and told her to get her stuff
and get out.  She looked at me and tears ran down her face.  My heart was
torn, but I stubbornly stood there and pointed to the door.

   She got up and started to pack her things out to her car.  I didn't help
her at all.  I wanted to strangle her.  I knew that if I stuck around I
would probably do something really stupid, so I just left the house and
went for a drive.  When I got back she was gone.  Her stuff was gone.  The
love of my life was gone.

   I didn't go into work for three days.  I sat around the house and looked
at the holes in my life.  I could see where her pictures had hung, the
outlines of faded glory days gone by.  The empty holes where her things had
sat and filled the house with love and kindness.  The places where the
treacherous bitch had so quietly made me sure she loved me and was a
faithful caring wife.

   I went in to work and my boss knew something was up.  I wouldn't tell
him anything at all.  I just did my job and went on with my miserable life.
After work I would go to the bar and drink for a few hours then go home and
sit in the dark and be numb.

   Jessica never called or tried to contact me.  I got the divorce papers
in the office, delivered by a courier.  His look was one of sympathy, but
his manner was one of strictly business.  I signed for them and read them
over.  She had filed for divorce due to 'irreconcilable differences'.  Her
fault not mine.  The bitch.

   After a few months I finally got myself together and started to plan.  I
decided to sell the house, and move to the west coast.  Get away as far as
I could from the painful reminders of my late past.  I was not happy with
my job so I turned in my notice.  My boss was upset, since I had been one
of the best people working for him.  He tried to talk me out of quitting,
but as soon as he saw my mind was made up he gave me a letter of
recommendation.  A nice surprise to me.

   I moved to the west coast and bought a small house on the beach in
Oregon.  I spent a few months just living there and not doing anything but
thinking.  I eventually went and found a job and back in the groove the
pain and sorrow went away.  I was not as happy as I had been before that
fateful night, but I was getting back to that point.

   One day I met a nice girl.  I asked her out and we started to date.  I
found out that I wasn't serious about her, and soon after that discovery,
we broke up.  It was a mutually understood thing.  There was no 'fire' in
our relationship.

   That was the way it became.  I would meet a girl, we would date for a
while, and then I would break up.  No fire, no passion.  Great sex, no
future though.  I drifted like this for two years.  One day my job required
me to go back to where I had lived before with Jessica.  I didn't think
anything at all; I just went and made the appointment.  After getting back
into my old town I met a few old friends and we had a little party.

   At the party they talked about other friends and coworkers.  At one
point Jessica's name came up.

   "Jessica is still in town.  She is working for the same outfit.  Doesn't
look too good though.  I think she was really broken up over your divorce
Tony."

   "Don't care Ted, I just don't give a damn.  I hope she rots in hell for
what she did to me.  She is just a slut.  A huge fucking whore."

   "Why don't you tell me how you really feel Tony?"

   "Very funny Ted.  I don't want to talk about my ex-whore-wife."

   "She talks about you.  She always said that she is the reason she and
you broke up.  She has said it time and again.  She knows that she blew it
big time.  Did you know that she was tricked and forced into doing whatever
it is that caused you two to break up?"

   "Don't know, don't care.  Drop the subject Ted, or I will just leave. 
You have been a good friend; don't blow it over a two-bit whore who
couldn't keep her legs closed for a bunch of men.  Just drop the subject.
NOW."

   "OK, OK, I just thought that you would want to know that she hasn't
dated or anything since you two broke up.  She really feels bad about what
happened and I think she is slowly dying because of it Tony.  She is really
looking poorly."

   "Yeah Ted, used up whores do look poorly.  All the fucking and sucking
they do instead of loving their husbands and being faithful is what causes
that shit.  I could care less about that slut.  She ruined my love and my
life for one night of fun.  She can go straight to hell as far as I care.
I'm leaving.  Goodbye Ted, been nice talking to you, until right now."

   I went back to my hotel room and packed my things.  The nerve of that
bastard.  To try and make me feel something for that bitch.  She had ruined
our marriage, not me.  I had been the faithful one.  I had loved her
unconditionally.  She had fucked around and fucked up things.  NOT ME. 
Damnit.  Now I was upset again.  I had been over her and Ted had drummed up
old pains.

   I went to bed that night and tossed and turned for hours.  In the
morning I looked like shit.  I called and rescheduled my appointment for
the next day and went for a walk.  I ended up in a park where Jess and I
used to meet for lunch sometimes.  I wandered around and finally sat down
near the table where we had ate at several times.

   As I sat there I remembered better times.  I remembered how she had
looked and loved.  How she had always known my moods and been able to
change a bad one in a matter of seconds.  She had known me better than I
knew myself.  Why, Why had she done this to us?  Excitement?  A need for
danger?  Had I been too boring?  What?

   I sat there thinking and then noticed a lady walking up the walk.  Her
head was in a scarf and she looked very thin.  Her legs, the parts that
weren't covered by her dress, were just skin and bone.  I didn't recognize
her at first, and then it came to me.  Jessica, it was Jessica.  As I
watched, she went over to 'our' table and sat down.

   I moved in a little bit closer.  I could hear her talking to herself. 
She was not aware that I was standing nearby.

   "I miss you Tony.  I wish I could have taken that night away.  I really
do.  I have only ever loved you and now you are gone."

   She didn't even know I was there.  She was just sitting there talking to
herself.  I listened as she went on and on about that night and how she had
been maneuvered into breaking her marriage vows.  How they had then used
her as a fuck toy, then as a gangbang queen.

   She almost sounded deranged as she sat there talking and I noticed that
people would veer away as they neared the table only to go back on the path
after getting around her.  She had been doing this for some time evidently,
and people were avoiding her like the plague.

   She was still talking and I heard her start over.  I just listened to
her, trying to find out why, why she had done what she had done.  I was in
for a big shock.

   "I knew that he was trouble.  I had even told you, Tony.  We met and he
had me out to dinner.  He told me that the others would be there.  When I
got there he was alone.  He said they were running late.  I sat down and we
ordered.  I should have seen that I was set up right there."

   She mumbled a bit then started again.  I had heard enough to know that
something had happened at this meeting, and it was the night before 'that'
night.

   "I knew he was setting me up for something.  I didn't realize that he
had drugged my drink until it was too late.  I felt so free and horny.  He
would suggest something and I would do it, like I had no mind of my own. 
When we left we went to a motel, where he got me undressed and fucked me. I
sucked him and he came in my mouth.  He even took me anally.  What I didn't
know was that he had filmed the whole thing.  When I saw it the next
morning I was sickened.  I knew that if you found out Tony, I was dead
meat."

   So, she hadn't been lying.  It had been the first time and he had
drugged her into sex, and then filmed it to blackmail her.  The fucking
bastard.  I should have cut his nuts off or something.  I now almost wished
that I had tried to find out more before cutting loose from Jess like I
had.

   "Then the next night he had 'friends' over and I had to perform for
them. They had me three at a time for three hours and by the time they were
done I was so hot to fuck I would have done a horse if he had asked me to.
I then went and showed my love, my one best friend in life how much of a
whore he had married.  I still can't believe that I fucked all of those
men. I can't believe how stretched out my ass and pussy were afterwards. 
God what I would give to be able to go back and stop the from happening."

   As I listened to my ex-wife talk to herself I realized that my heart was
beating rapidly.  I was sweating and my hands were shaking like crazy.  I
was feeling so weird.  I got up and walked up behind Jess.

   "If only you were here Tony, so that I could explain this all to you.  I
never had cheated before, and I had been drugged and blackmailed into doing
what I did.  I know why you left me.  It must have looked like I was really
enjoying the whole gangbang.  I was so fucked up I could hardly walk, let
alone dance.  If I had known you were there I would have run away and hoped
that I could explain everything to you before you had found out.  Instead
you saw my acting like a whore for all of those men.  If only you were here
so that I could try to explain now."

   "I am here Jessica.  I am ready to listen to you."

   She didn't look around.  She sat there and was very still.

   "I'm right behind you Jess.  You can tell me now.  I will listen to what
you have to say.  I won't make any promises, but I will listen to you now.
I wished that I had listened to you years ago."

   She stood up and slowly turned around.  Her eyes were brimming with
tears.  She looked at me then quickly sat down.  Her legs had failed her; I
thought she was going to pass out.

   "Is it really you Tony?  I can't believe that you are standing there. 
Oh GOD, if you only knew how much I have prayed for this moment.  Now I
can't even think straight.  I had a whole speech in my mind to tell you.  I
wanted you to know how everything happened.  I have really missed you Tony.
So much that I think I have been a little 'off'."

   "Jessica, I should have let you try to explain things a long, long time
ago.  I should have known that you wouldn't willingly have done those
things without being drugged or something.  I was too upset and angry to
listen to you then.  I am more able to listen now though, so if you want,
go ahead the tell me what you need to."

   "Oh Tony, you must have heard me talking to myself.  You should know
then that I was drugged and taken advantage of.  He filmed it all and then
the next night he made me perform for his friends.  Afterwards they drugged
me again and took me to the club where you saw me get gangbanged.  I know
that it looked like I was begging for it, but it was the drugs that caused
me to do that.  I couldn't even think straight.  My pussy was burning up,
needing to get fucked and I couldn't help myself.  His drug was very good
at gaining compliance.  I had to please him and his friends the way I did.
I had no choice, no will, just a big horny pussy wanting to get fucked.  I
am so sorry.  So terribly sorry Tony.  I hurt you so deeply and in such a
hideous way.  I can't even bring myself to ask you to forgive me I acted so
horridly."

   She was crying hard now.  I got out my handkerchief and gave it to her.
She took it and as she did her hand lingered on mine.  It was just a light
touch, but it was like an electric current passed through us both.  The
next thing I knew I was hugging her tightly to me.  I didn't say anything,
I just held her to me.

   A kid ran up and started to talk to me.

   "Hey mister, watch out, she is a crazy old lady.  She talks to herself
and acts really strange.  You better just leave her alone and let her go
away.  She might kill you or something."

   I just held her.

   "Go away you little shit.  I know her and she is upset.  She is not
crazy, as you put it, so just go away."

   He ran off.  I knew he must have thought that I was just as crazy as
her. Jess was sobbing and now holding me tightly.  Her body was so thin.  I
could feel bones and ribs instead of muscle and flesh.  She had lost a lot
of weight.  Way too much weight to be good or healthy.  She noticed me
feeling her.

   "I have lost a little weight Tony.  I weigh about ninety-three pounds
now.  I haven't been able to eat since that night you left me in the club.
I can only eat a little bit at a time, too much and I throw it up."

   "Jess, you need to take better care of yourself.  You are starving
yourself to death."

   "Life without you is death Tony.  I can't live by myself and without you
in my life there is nothing to live for anyway."

   "I won't promise anything Jess.  We can talk, you can tell me what you
want or need to.  I am in town for a few more days yet.  I just have to be
honest with you.  I have a lot of anger towards you and the whole thing. 
Please bear that in mind.  I may not be the best listener at times, but I
promise to at least listen to you."

   We talked for several hours.  Later we had dinner together.  I wished
that I could say Jess ate well, but she was down to a point where a very
little filled her up.  I found out that her work had suffered, and she had
been passed over for several promotions.  She felt that they were about to
fire her, but so far they had been pretty good to her.  Her health was poor
and her attitude had suffered greatly.  She needed rest and caring for.

   "After I got home and you kicked me out, I went to a friends place.  She
let me stay there up until she found out what I had done to you, to us.  I
then had to get my own place.  She still isn't talking to me and I thought
she was a true friend."

   "Maybe she was afraid that if you were around she would get sucked into
your lifestyle Jess.  You have to admit, most women wouldn't do what you
had done with so many men."

   "Yeah, I guess so.  One day, about a month after you kicked me out, he
came into town.  He said that I was going to be the entertainment at a
party for him.  I refused and kicked him in the nuts.  I told him I had no
reason to do what he wanted now, so he could go be the 'entertainment'
himself.  He hasn't bothered me since."

   'You kicked him in the nuts?  What about your boss?  What did he say
when the jerk pulled his contracts?"

   "They didn't.  He was fired after he got back.  I told my boss why I had
done what I had done, and he called up the company the bastard worked for
and got him fired.  They still do business with us."

   "How have you been doing since?  I see you haven't been eating right,
and don't look too well."

   "Oh Tony, I have been so depressed.  I just go through the motions of
work and life.  I go to the park and 'talk' to you, trying to get over it,
but I can't escape the damage done.  People have started to stay away from
me, except for a few of your friends.  They talk to me and keep an eye on
me.  They don't try anything sexual; they think that someday you will come
back for me.  I just can't bring myself to tell them why you left me.  They
know that I cheated on you, not that it was with a large group of men in
one long night."

   "Jess, I am in town for work only.  My seeing you was a coincidence.  I
am not going to lead you on and say anything about 'us'.  I am not sure
there can ever be an 'us' again.  Sorry."

   Jess had tears in her eyes.  I felt like shit for being so, well, mean
to her.  I was still angry.  The images of her being gang-fucked in that
club that night was still fresh in my mind.  I still got that lost feeling
of betrayal every once in a while.  It upset me to know that Jess had been
drugged and forced to go along with the whole thing, but I hadn't found
this out until right now.

   We parted that day talking and had a 'date' of sorts to meet the next
day after she got off work.  It was to be a dinner date to talk and just
see what was going on in each other's lives.  I had no intentions of trying
to get back with her, and she knew that.  It was more like old friends
having lunch than lovers on a date.

   After our 'date' I took Jess to her place.  It was in a dumpy
neighborhood, and it wasn't a great home either.  She kept it clean, but
there was no 'home' touch.  It was very impersonal and almost cold feeling.
Jess showed me in and made up some coffee as I sat on her couch.  We talked
for about four hours that night, sitting in her apartment.  I didn't try to
touch her, and she didn't ask or make any gestures to encourage me.

   I had two meetings the next day and after they were done I went to
Jess's work.  We went for a walk and talked about things in general.  She
was curious how I was doing in Oregon.  She couldn't believe that I had
moved so far away just because of her.  I think she was sad because my
being so far away meant that there would be little chance of us seeing each
other as much as she wanted.

   As I flew home the following day I had feelings running through me that
hadn't been around for quite some time.  I knew that deep down I still
loved Jessica and that I wanted to be with her again.  I just couldn't get
past the visions of that night.  I threw myself into my work for the next
month and got fortunate with getting new clients doing business with us. 
My boss, who also owned the company, gave me two weeks off and as a bonus,
tickets to anywhere I wanted to fly to.  Hotel room and food included.

   After some thought, I decided to go back and visit Jess and my old
friends again.  My boss knew that something was on my mind and the night
before I left he had me over to dinner with his wife and kids.  They were a
nice family, and he was justifiably proud of them.  After dinner he took me
out to his woodshop and we had a 'talk'.

   "Tony, you have had something on your mind for a quite awhile.  I have
noticed that ever since you came back from back east you have been nose to
the grindstone.  I appreciate the extra effort, but I don't want you to
work yourself to death or into the hospital for this company or me.  What's
up?  What is it that is driving you so hard?"

   "James, you are a great boss and a good friend.  I have some issues with
a person back east, and I don't think that it is really any of your
business.  I appreciate your concern, but I can't tell you."

   "Hey man, I love you like a brother.  You have been the best negotiator
I have ever had, and you get contracts signed without problems later on.  I
need to know only because I see you headed for a burnout and I can't let
that happen.  In this case your personal life is my business."

   I knew that James was serious.  I could see that I was going to have to
tell him something, so I began with my story.  He looked shocked for a
moment when I finished.  He was lost in thought for a bit then started
asking me questions.

   "Do you still love her?"

   "Yes, I think so.  I think I also hate her at the same time too."

   "Understandable.  She broke your trust in a very public and hurtful way.
I can't imagine how that would feel.  To see your love taken in such a way.
The hate part is also a normal feeling.  That you are having this feeling
so long after the fact is not good though.  Are you going back east to see
her?  To talk to her and try to work it out or what?"

   "I don't know James.  I honestly do not know why I am going back to see
her.  I am worried about her health.  I guess I also want to talk to her.
She was my best friend back then, there were no secrets from her on my
part. I told her everything.  I don't know what I want now."

   "Tony, think about it.  In your heart, deep down, in that place that you
let nobody see, do you still love her as much as you did before it all
happened?"

   I thought about it for a few minutes.  James let me think and just
looked off at something hanging on the wall.  I had fleeting thoughts of
just making up some cock and bull story and leaving, but I knew that James
was worried about me as a person as much as an employee.  I had to tell him
the truth.  I guess I had to admit it to myself too.  I had been running
away from my own truth for the last two years or more.

   "Yeah, I guess I do still love her like that James.  It's so fucked up
though.  She still loves me; anyway that is what she says.  She looks like
hell.  Her weight loss is borderline suicidal.  I just don't know what I
can do, or want to do.  I can't get over that night in the club.  It was
raw and the memories of her laying there, they still run a hot sword
through my heart."

   "Tony, you need to forgive her, and while you are at it forgive
yourself. You are feeling guilt now because you kicked her out without
hearing her side of the story.  She had a plausible reason for her acts and
she evidently had no way out until it was too late.  She didn't do it on
purpose or to hurt you.  She was drugged then forced to 'perform' for that
asshole.  She had no choice in what happened to her.  For all practical
purposes she was raped that night."

   I broke down and started to cry.  I had known this all along.  I had
known that Jess wouldn't have done something like that for fun or pleasure.
I had always known that she must have been drugged or something.  It hurt
for me to admit this now.  I had kept it inside for too long.

   "Tony, just take it easy, I'll get a washcloth for you bud.

   As James left to get the cloth I realized that I was crying like a baby.
I had broken down in front of my boss over something that had happened in
my life so long ago.  He came back in and handed me the warm, wet cloth.  I
dabbed my eyes and face with it and regained control of myself.

   "Sorry James.  Don't know what came over me there."

   "Don't be sorry Tony.  I think you need to get to that Jessica and start
over with her as soon as possible.  You have let this run your life for too
long.  You need to take your life back and run it your way now.  I also
think that Jessica is part of that life.  A big part of that life.  I may
be wrong, but you two should be together as man and wife.  You two are a
type of rare people, you should be together, not apart.  You were meant to
be together."

   "I don't know, I just don't know.  There has been so much happen since
then."

   "Tony, I have been married for twenty years, not all of it real good. 
Most of it has been great.  I still wouldn't trade even the bad times for
someone else.  I love my wife, and I think that you still love Jessica. 
You kids had a real bad experience happen to you, and it is time to put it
behind you and get back together.  You need her as much as she needs you."

   "OK, I will go and talk to her.  I can't promise anything James."

   "Tony, don't go there for me.  You need to go there for you, and her.  I
am not going to stand by and watch my best salesman run himself into the
ground when I could have done something to prevent it.  I have watched you
with your dates in the past.  Your heart is still with your ex-wife buddy.
You are still in love with her, even after all of this, you still love her.
Those other women never had a rats chance in hell of getting into your
heart because Jessica is still there."

   As soon as he said that I knew it to be true.  I had deep down wanted
Jess to try harder to keep me; it was as though she had given up without a
fight.  I had left thinking she wanted it this way that I wasn't worth
fighting for.  I knew that James had brought it to my attention in such a
way the conclusion was inescapable.  I still loved my ex-wife.  No matter
what, that one fact was never going to change.

   I was now prepared to fight for her.  I was going to try and put this
all behind me and go get my wife back.  I loved Jess and I knew now, what
had been eluding me all this time, I still deeply loved my wife.

   The next morning found me on the plane headed for an unknown, possibly
painful time.  Would Jess still love me?  Would she be willing to give up
her job and move west with me?  Would she even believe me when I told her I
still loved her?

   My only hope was that James had seen in me the total truth of my beliefs
and needs.  That he had wisely steered me onto the proper course for Jess
and myself.

   I waited for Jess at her place.  I stood and squatted be her door for
three hours, until she came into the building and came upstairs.  As she
walked down the hall she saw me standing there.

   "Tony!  What are you doing here?  Is something wrong?"

   "Jessica, the only thing wrong is my stubbornness and stupidity.  I
still love you and I have discovered that I can't live without you anymore.
We used to love each other so much and I have had it pointed out to me just
lately that I still do love you as much as I did before.  That same person
told me I was a total idiot if I let you go."

   Jess stood there in front of me with her mouth wide open.  The look of
disbelief was undeniably there.  She must have been thinking that I was
going to do something cruel to her to get even.  I could see it in her
eyes. She didn't believe me at all.

   "Jess, please believe me.  I mean every word I am saying to you right
now.  I have always loved you, with all of my heart.  Even after that... 
even since that night when...Oh GOD JESS.  I love you can't you see that? I
know that you still must love me.  Please say you still love me."

   Jess had opened her door and walked in.  She turned and looked at me for
a moment.  Then I saw her make a decision.

   "Why don't you come in Tony?  We need to talk quite a bit.  I can't talk
to you in the hallway about this.  I need to sit down."

   For the first time I saw tears welling up in her eyes.  She was on the
verge of crying.  I was not sure if this was a good sign or not.  I hoped
that it was, but I just couldn't tell for sure.

   She walked in front of me keeping her back to me.  She dropped her stuff
on the chair by the phone and went into her kitchen.  I stood in the short
hallway waiting.

   I heard her moving around in her kitchen and soon I smelled coffee
brewing.  She went into her bedroom and closed the door.  After a bit she
came out.  I was still standing by the door, afraid to do anything.  I was
afraid that she was going to send me away.

   "Why don't you take off your coat and come sit in the kitchen Tony?  I
have coffee ready."

   Her quietness had now unnerved me.  This wasn't what I had expected for
a reaction.  I had thought she would jump into my arms and be so happy. 
Instead she was asking me to sit and drink coffee in her kitchen.

   I dropped my coat in the same chair she had dropped her stuff into and
went into the kitchen.  I sat down and waited.  She was keeping her back to
me as she poured the coffee into the mug.  I looked down at my scuffed up
shoes and heard her place the mug down in front of me.  I looked up but her
back was still to me.

   "Why Tony?  Why the change of heart?  You are saying that you still love
me, but why the change?"

   "Oh Jess, I have been a fool.  I have let stupid pride and my pain get
in the way of how I truly felt.  James, my boss in Oregon, well, he talked
to me and made me realize that I still loved you.  He said that we belonged
together.  We were a pair that was meant to be as one.  I believe him Jess.
I hope you still love me."

   "Tony, is this some kind of plan you cooked up to get even with me?  Get
me to feel safe and loved just before you dump me?  I can't believe that
after all this time and the things you said to me, you would still love me
like then."

   "Jess, please!  I do still love you.  I really mean it I have never
stopped loving you.  I want to be with you again.  I will do anything to be
together with you again."

   I began to realize that perhaps this had not been a good idea.  I should
have waited and been more patient.  I should have 'crept' back into her
heart.  I was afraid that I was going to chase her away now.

   "Tony, I acted like a slut.  I was drugged, of course, but still I was a
slut.  You saw me at my worst.  Then you kicked me out of your life.  I
deserved that you know.  You say you still love me.  Prove it."

   How the hell was I supposed to prove that I still loved her?  Christ
this was not turning out like I had thought it would at all.  Why was she
being so distant now of all times?

   "Jess, I don't know how to prove my love for you.  I called you some
terrible things years ago.  I even got mad at my friend when he started to
talk about you the last time I was here.  I just don't know how to prove to
you that I still love you baby.  What will it take?  Help me out here
please?"

   "Tony, two and a half years ago I was in a position that no wife should
ever be in.  I was drugged, then forced to put out for that man and then
his friends.  I was used as a cum dump in that club afterwards, where you
saw everything.  When I tried to explain you kicked me out and left me
alone for fend for myself.  You never listened to anything I was trying to
tell you.  Until now.  I don't think I can go back to 'us' again.  What
happened to me was bad enough; I don't want to relive it all over again
every time we would have a fight.  I couldn't take being back with you and
then getting dumped again because of bad memories."

   Jess was crying hard now.  I felt her wariness and the edge of her
fears. It left me cold.  I had imagined that she would be so happy and
throw herself into my arms.  I had never understood her pain.  I had never
thought how she would feel about the way I cut her out of my life.  I had
been hard and cold towards her.

   I thought for a minute and then I decided that I had nothing to lose,
other than the whole game, so I brought out my thoughts and my life for the
past two years.

   "Jess, I have been living in Oregon, alone.  I have dated a few women,
but there has never been a spark or even a hint of the type of love we
shared as a husband and wife.  I have been searching my soul for answers
the entire time and I haven't found a replacement for you.  I should have
listened to you before I so coldly threw you out that night.  I should have
talked to you and we might have been able to work it out then.  Instead I
took the supposed moral high ground.  I acted like the wronged husband of a
cheating wife.  In my anger I never thought about you or your feelings on
anything."

   "You dated some others?  Did you have sex with them too?"

   "Oh Jess, I wish that I could say I didn't, but I did.  Yes I had sex
with several of the women I dated.  Like I said before though, there was no
spark, no fire, and no love.  I haven't dated since last June, quite some
time ago now."

   "You say you still love me.  What about those men who had me, what about
your memories of that night?  I love you still Tony, but I can't go live
with you and start all over if every time we have an argument or little
tiff you would throw that in my face.  What happened to me was wrong and I
should have been wise enough to put a stop to it before it went as far as
it did.  I would never cheat on you again but how would I prove that to
you?"

   "Are you saying that there is no chance for us now Jess?  Are you afraid
of me to the point of not even trying to get back together?  I can't say I
won't act like you are afraid of.  I am just a man who is trying to get his
life back together.  You are a large part of that life.  Without
you...I...please Jess, give me one chance?"

   "Tony, this will take some time.  I can't just flop over and neither can
you I imagine.  We will need some time to repair the bridges burned in our
parting."

   "How much time Jess?  How long?  I'm willing to wait and work towards
this slowly, but I do live in another state now.  Long distance
relationships are difficult in the best of circumstances.  With this
hanging over our heads it would be almost impossible.  Besides, I have
already lost two and a half years with you Jess, two and a half years of
togetherness we should have had."

   I ended up in my hotel room that night wondering why I had ever thought
this would be simply a matter of my showing up, taking her in my arms and
sweeping her off of her feet and back into my life again.  It had been a
childish dream.

   I almost gave up then and there.  I went to bed at ten thinking of
grabbing the next flight to Oregon and giving it all up.  About midnight
James called.  He wanted to know how it had gone so far.  I told him.  He
told me to hang in there Jess would be worth it in the long run.  For the
second time in a month I wisely took his advice to heart.

   The next morning I was up at dawn.  I showered and got dressed.  It was
a Saturday; so knowing Jess had the day off I headed over to her place.  I
got there at about seven and knocked on her door.  After a bit she opened
it up.  She looked like I had woke her up and I was apologizing
immediately.

   "It's all right Tony.  I was just getting up anyway.  Why are you here
so early?"

   "I thought you would like to go out with me.  We could take a drive to
that park and then take a long walk together.  If you want to that is."

   "You should give a girl a bit of a heads up.  No wonder your dating has
been so bad.  Did you just show up on their doorsteps at dawn asking them
out too?"

   "I'm sorry.  I wasn't thinking.  I will leave and call you in a while.
Sorry I bothered you Jess."

   Before she could reply I turned and left.  I was almost running.  I had
messed up thinking she would drop everything and go out with me after such
a long time apart.  What had I been thinking?

   I vaguely remember her saying something to me as I hit the stairs.  I
just kept going, embarrassed and somewhat hurt at her reaction.  I thought
that she still wanted me but she was making this so damn hard.

   I walked around until just before noon.  I found a phone and called her
place.  Jess answered on the first ring.

   "Hello?"

   "Hi Jess, it's me.  Uh, would you like to go for a drive or something?"

   "Tony, why did you run away?  I was just teasing.  You never gave me a
chance to let you off the hook.  Look, you need to come over and we need to
talk some more.  Obviously we have some serious problems coming between
us."

   "OK.  I will be right over.  About ten minutes."

   I hung up.  I was mad at myself.  What in the hell was wrong with me? 
She had been teasing and I had missed it completely.  What a way to try and
start over again.

   I got to her place and started to knock.  Her door slammed open and Jess
reached out and grabbed me with surprising strength.  She hauled me into
her apartment and slammed me up against the wall.  She held me there for a
moment before speaking.  Her hair was wildly sprayed all over and she was
breathing hard as she held me against the wall.

   She reached out with her free hand and closed her door.  After a second
or two she let loose of me and stepped back.

   "Over there.  SIT."

   She pointed to the couch.  I went over and sat down.  I was stunned at
her actions, to the point of being docile.  I wasn't afraid, just stunned.
She had never in all the time I had known her done something like that to
me.  I kind of liked it.  It was like she was an Amazon woman or something.
It was sexy in it's own way.

   "Tell me what the hell you are thinking right now.  DO NOT hold anything
back Tony."

   "Uh, OK.  You are about the sexiest thing I have ever seen.  The way you
grabbed me and pulled me into this place really surprised me.  I didn't
know you were so strong.  It kinda turned me on a bit too."

   "That is a little too much Tony.  I meant what are you thinking about
us?"

   "Oh.  Well Jess, I love you.  I want to be with you forever.  I don't
want to live apart anymore.  I want you to be my wife again, no exceptions.
I can't...live...without...you."

   She had been smiling as I blurted out the first part.  Then as I started
over and told her my true feelings I saw tears forming in her eyes.  At the
last part her tears fell noiselessly down her cheeks.  I guess I had tears
in my eyes too.  Not a real manly thing now is it?

   We wept silently, facing each other.  After a minute or so I wiped my
eyes and dug some Kleenex out of a box on the table in front of the couch.
Jess grabbed some too.  We didn't say anything for quite a while, each lost
in our own thoughts.

   "Tony, I do want to try and start over.  I do love you.  I have missed
you so much over the last two years."

   "Jess, that is the only reason I am here now.  I almost gave up last
night, thinking that it was an impossible task to try and fit the pieces
back together.  James called me and reminded me that you were well worth
fighting for."

   "This James sounds like quite a man.  I have to meet him some time."

   "Yeah, he is about the best boss a person could want.  He is also a good
friend.  He told me that he could see that I was still in love with you
Jess.  He said it was our destiny to be together.  I believe him.  I love
you so much still."

   "Well, your place or mine?"

   I was lost for a moment.  What had she meant by that?

   "Tony?  Your place or mine?  If we get back together, where are we going
to live?  Here or Oregon?"

   "I uh...I hadn't thought of that.  Where would you want to live Jess?  I
like my job in Oregon and James is a great boss.  If you want though, I
could move back here and get a job.  Maybe even at my old job."

   "You mean you flew all the way here to take me back as your wife and you
never gave a single thought to where we would be living?  What were you
thinking?  I may want to stay here and work at my job.  Maybe I won't want
to leave here.  Did you ever think of that?"

   I had done it again.  Why couldn't this be any easier?  Was everything
going to be a battle?  Would I ever get ahead and be on the ball with Jess?

   "Jess, all I knew is that I wanted you back in my life.  I never gave a
thought to anything other than that.  I figured that it would all work out
in the end.  Would you move with me to Oregon?  Would you consider it?"

   She was looking away, lost in thought.  The way she was looking I
couldn't tell anything.  I kept silent, wisely, for the first time since
this whole thing had started.

   "I couldn't move to Oregon with you Tony."

   "I'll quit and move here.  I want to be with you Jess; I don't care
where that is.  I just want for us to be a couple again."

   "You couldn't live here either Tony."

   What the hell was she doing?  I had thought she wanted to be back
together, and now she was saying I couldn't live with her.  Was she toying
with me and getting ready to dump me like I had dumped her?  I really hoped
not.  I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she dumped me now.

   "Jess, please.  Why won't you live with me?  Are you afraid?  I'll sign
an agreement, a legal one.  I'll do anything just to have you back with
me."

   "Yes you will Tony.  It will take a legal document for sure.  I won't
live with you until we have that 'agreement' in legalese, signed and
dated."

   "Ok, Jess, if that is what it takes, you can have it.  I love you and
just want to be with you.  Where will we live?  Should I quit my job?"

   "Tony, you can't quit and run out on your friend James.  After all, he
is the reason we are getting back together.  After we have both signed and
had the agreement witnessed we will move to Oregon.  As husband and wife. I
want a marriage certificate before I go anywhere with you Tony.  I want to
be married first."

   "That is the agreement you wanted?  You want to be married first? 
That's all?  Lets go find a judge and I'll call my friends up, they can
witness it..."

   "It's Saturday Tony, we will have to wait until Monday at the earliest.
We could practice in the mean time.  You know, the husband and wife things?
Why don't we go get our things from the hotel and bring them here?  You
should get to know me a bit before we get married don't you think?  After
all, I need to make sure you are fully functional, if you know what I
mean."

   I proved to Jess I was 'fully functional' that whole weekend.  We made
up for lost time, although not all of it.  That all happened several years
ago.  We are happily living In Oregon, raising our daughter.  She looks
just like her momma.  Even has that same twinkle in her eyes.

   My boss is getting on in years and last week he offered me his business.
He wants to retire to his farm and make wooden toys for kids.  He is pretty
good at it, as little Jess will tell you.  Her toy box is overflowing with
great little toys.

   Jess is pregnant with our second child, and she is so beautiful.  She
makes my heart thump every time I watch her get ready for bed.  I have
married the most sexy, beautiful, loving woman a man could want.

   Looking back on it, I really miss those two years we were apart.  I have
come to terms with all that happened so long ago.  Jess has too.  I have
never in the heat of an argument mentioned that night or anything about it.
Jess came to realize that I really did love her then.

   Our sex life?  Well, of course that is none of your business, but I will
tell you anyway.  Jess found out she liked certain things and certain
positions.  She is a real tigress in bed, even more than before.  I have a
sexual goddess on my hands behind closed doors.  Jess likes to remind me
once in a while, all mine.  Nobody else's.  Just mine.  I believe her,
thoroughly.  I'm quite happy with my life now.  Quite happy.